I see so many posts about people “looking for a serious, long term, committed relationship” and as someone (35F) who has never been in one before I’m curious about how people are defining this type of relationship. And at what point is it known that that is the relationship tier.

From what I have seen people adhere to a very specific “relationship escalator” or milestones such as cohabitation, marriage and kids. 

Since I am in a relationship that will not consist of any of those things I am unsure of the tier. 

Should I just ask my boyfriend if this is a “serious, long term, committed relationship”? Is that a conversation you all are having? If so, at what point? 

I've (42/m) been with my partner (41/f) over 4 years and her cat is becoming impossible to live with!

He has been getting super aggressive, attacking us (mostly me) and other cats. Our most recent camping trip he got into it with cats at the campsite who were probably just curious about him.

Partner will make every excuse for the behavior to dismiss it, "that's just how cats are, he's hungry, have you been giving him enough attention?" I understand cats are temperamental pets but I shouldn't have to stress about a cat attack while walking around in my own home.

How do i have this conversation with her? Cat is cute and because it isn't attacking her hardly, she puts it on me to pander to it. I don't want to be a jerk about it but this cat brings "very little to the table" in the way of bringing comfort or joy to our lives, but she's attached to it so it's going to be a whole minefield trying to get him gone.

I tried asking out a woman I've seen and talked with the at the gym for the past month and she turned me down. I'm not too broken up at the rejection itself, at this point it's rejection 100,234 and I'm used to it, but it highlights the biggest issue with being a virgin: It's demonstrable proof that you are unable to form the connections other people can to enter into intimacy.

I'm long passed the point of caring about whatever society thinks about being a virgin and if I'm being honest, I kind of don't care about sex, at least as an immediate thing. I can't miss what I never had but I do know I have physiological issues that come from touch starvation and those issues are greatly alleviated whenever I hug a woman, and that small connection is something I crave, something to expand upon and I'm confident sex will happen eventually, but that connection has to be established first.

I'm 6'6 and muscular and everyone tells me I'm basically a cheat code for dating but it's never done anything for me. I was an awkward, socially ostracized fat kid who became a virtual pariah as an adult due to obesity. I was over 500lbs at my heaviest, I genuinely scared or disgusted women. I fear I lost the weight too late in life as at this point, the rejections are much better! I don't get threatened to have the cops called or told soul crushing rejections anymore, it's mostly just women not really interested in dating due to past bad experiences or various life stressors that made them less social in their 40s. And I have no experience, I don't know what to say to convince them otherwise or how to navigate even finding someone that might be amicable towards it.

I'm also worried about how things like social exclusion, porn and just living life never having experienced basic human companionship have set my mind to think differently from most other people, that I'll be unrelatable. It's a terrible situation, sometimes I wish I were asexual just so I wouldn't be bothered by biological urges like I am.

I’m sharing this for anyone over 35 who has experienced the end of a relationship that left them questioning what was real. Sometimes, a relationship doesn’t end because you stop loving someone. It ends because trust has been broken too many times, accountability is missing, and manipulation makes it impossible to have an honest conversation. I reached a point where I could no longer ignore the inconsistencies, broken trust, and questions that never seemed to have honest answers. Between the lack of accountability, the manipulation, and the infidelity, I realized that love alone wasn't enough to keep the relationship healthy. Eventually, I made the decision to walk away. It wasn't easy. Walking away meant accepting that the relationship I wanted wasn't the relationship I was actually experiencing. There were unanswered questions, doubts, and moments when I wondered whether I had made the right decision. But with time, things became clearer. I found the proof I needed, the pieces started coming together, and the confusion I had carried for so long finally began to lift. The truth didn't necessarily make the situation hurt less, but it helped me stop questioning myself. I no longer needed to keep searching for explanations or waiting for someone else to take accountability. The clarity I gained helped me accept what happened and make peace with my decision to leave. I've learned that closure doesn't always come from a final conversation, an apology, or an admission of wrongdoing. Sometimes, closure comes from seeing the situation for what it was, accepting what you cannot change, and choosing not to return to what cost you your peace. At this stage of life, I value honesty, consistency, emotional maturity, and accountability more than promises that aren't backed by actions. I'm not sharing this to attack anyone or reopen old wounds. I'm sharing it because I know other people over 35 have probably experienced something similar. For those of you who walked away from a relationship because of manipulation, broken trust, or infidelity, and later discovered the truth you had been searching for: Did finding out what really happened help you find closure? And once you finally had that clarity, did it change how you viewed the relationship or the person you had been with? I'd appreciate hearing your experiences and perspectives.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4.5 years. We have an amazing "love story," which I won't get into for the sake of keeping this as short as possible. The first three years were wonderful. We were affectionate, communicated frequently, had a good physical relationship, and genuinely seemed excited to spend time together. We went through some challenges and grew together tremendously both as individuals, as well as a couple.

We are essentially in a long distance relationship as we live about an hour apart from one another, and both have teenage children, both of which complicate our ability to spend time together. As a result, the dynamic has always been generally see each other on weekends, which is also become significantly less frequent due to the above life conditions, but also due to some of the things I'll get into in a second.

Over the past 1.5–2 years, things have gradually changed. She’s become much less affectionate, rarely initiates physical contact, doesn’t seem particularly interested in spending more time together, and communicates much less than she used to. Even when we’re together, I often feel more like a companion than a romantic partner.

There are significant health factors involved. She has Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, chronic pain severe enough to require bilateral hip replacements in the very near future, and persistent sleep problems and fatigue. She says she has little energy, motivation, or libido, and often just wants to be left alone. I recognize that these things can profoundly affect someone, and I’ve tried to be understanding, which she acknowledges.

We’ve discussed the relationship several times. She consistently tells me she loves me and wants to remain together. However, she also says she won’t force herself to do things she doesn’t want to do, including affection and intimacy. She understands that I’m unhappy with the lack of closeness and says she feels bad about it, but hasn’t expressed much interest in finding ways to improve things. She’s also said she would understand if I decided to end the relationship.

Before I get flamed, this is not just about sex or the lack thereof. It's about feeling wanted more than anything. I don’t want affection or sex that she feels obligated to give. I want to feel like she genuinely wants to be close to me.

I also recognize my own role in this. I struggle with anxiety and overthinking, and as she’s become more distant, I’ve become increasingly sensitive to changes in communication and affection. Sometimes I analyze things like texts or kisses far more than I should. I’ve also allowed my life to become too centered around the relationship, and I’m working on changing that.

What’s particularly painful is that I’ve started feeling embarrassed to express affection naturally because it so rarely feels reciprocated. She generally accepts my affection, but rarely initiates it herself.

I feel like I'm chasing her and I shouldn't have to. I love her deeply...she is the love of my life and I don’t want to leave. I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling lonely in a relationship. I'm confused and struggling with so many questions and I'm hoping to get some perspective here.

Has anyone experienced a similar change in a long-term relationship due to chronic illness, pain, or hormonal issues?Did things improve?

How do I distinguish between being understanding of my partner’s limitations and sacrificing my own emotional needs?

What responsibility should I take for the pursue/withdraw dynamic, and what would reasonable effort from her look like?

Is it possible to rebuild intimacy when one partner seems content with the relationship as it is and the other feels increasingly disconnected?

I’m not looking for someone to blame. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is something we can work through or whether we’re becoming incompatible despite loving each other.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

TL;DR: My girlfriend (46F) and I (53M) have been together 4.5 years, but over the past 1.5–2 years, she’s become increasingly emotionally and physically distant. She has significant health issues that may contribute to this, and she says she loves me and wants to stay together, but shows little interest in working toward more closeness. I recognize that my anxiety and overthinking may contribute to our pursue/withdraw dynamic. I love her and don’t want to leave, but I’m increasingly lonely and feel unwanted. How do I balance compassion for her limitations with my own emotional needs, and can a relationship improve if only one partner seems unhappy with the distance?

Me (F33) and my boyfriend (M38) just moved to a new country. He has a lot of savings, like 100k. And I have little to no savings and I have no job. He is also looking for work but he is self employed / gig work so he works little and gets paid well for when he does. But as we have just moved here he is unsure when / where his next paycheck will come. He has been generous to spot me money, rent etc while we settle and I find work. We have a log of what I owe him and we nickle and dim everything. Meals, going out, activities. If we get brunch and I get a coffee and he doesn't I pay more. If I get one extra Item on our grocery shop I will pay for that extra item usually, theres the odd occasion that he will let it go. He will occasionally pay for a meal but not often. On a special occasion. I'm anxious about racking up a huge bill with him while I find work and want to budget and limit how much that adds up. Even though he will ask me to pay for my separate items on our shopping bill the stuff we do share he will eat significantly more of. I maybe eat 1/2 of what he can or 1/3. He usually gets my leftovers when I cant finish my meal or he will get seconds and I wont. I wouldn;t care if it werent for him nickle and diming everything. I feel like if hes not willing to pay for an extra item for me at the grocery store why should I subsides his grocery bill. Is there a fair way to approach this? Should I be buying my own groceries and making separate lunch/ dinner?

Recently, I found out my fiance has was doing something things that he knows I think are wrong. This isn't the first time we've had similar issues. He knows his behavior is hurtful and that I don't behave like that. He stops for some time after it comes up and it comes back later for different reasons and under different circumstances.

The thing is...I have no problem with it in certain levels of moderation and as long as specific boundaries do not get crossed. I don't even mind participating if he is respectful of those things. So, when I found out he was crossing those bounaries, I was naturally pretty upset. We each have strict tight deadlines for work at the end of the month so I didn't say anything. A couple days ago we were having a conversation that forced the issue. In the past, he has taken me confronting him about anything as a personal attack. He has never been able to accept it as possible constructive criticism where appropriate, and he cannot accept the fact that maybe I just need to express my feelings on some matters. This time I decided to just say what I needed to, state it as a fact, not let any emotions come out, and move on. He tried to deny what I was saying and I corrected him. Afterward, I acted completely normal like it didn't happen, exactly how he wants confrontation to go. I actually preferred this to long drawn out conversations an arguments.

I know that I'm not perfect. I am aware that I may not have come correct every time. I feel like I should get some kind of resolution most of the time though. He barely acknowledged that he heard me. He hasn't reacted or responded to anything. I asked if he was ok that night. He said he wasn't good with anyone at the moment. He was tired of never doing anything right. No recognition of my feelings. No responsibility. Of course this all drove a huge wedge between us and he feels further away from me that he ever has.

I'm not really sure where i stand here. I kind of feel like I should be begging him to forgive me for saying anything and proving that I'm worth better than that. But, I am also at a point where I just dgaf. If he can't do better on his own, why should I prove to him that he should? I've carried the majority of emotional weight in this relationship over 6 years. I know he knows better and he wants better. Life has been a lot for us and we've been under extreme stress from time to time. We know we're better together than apart so neither of us is going anywhere. I just don't know what to do.

I feel a bit silly even posting about this, but it’s genuinely getting to me and I could use some outside perspective.
My birthday is this weekend, and we had planned to go away for one night to celebrate. She said she would pay for everything as she gets paid on Friday. However, she’s only had around two days of work this week, and it’s looking like she might struggle to cover her rent next week if we go ahead with the trip.
I’ve told her we can just cancel the plans because I don’t want her to put herself in a difficult financial situation, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.
The thing is, when it’s her birthday, I always make the effort to buy things and pay for everything. She also hasn’t bought me a gift for any special occasion so far, and I’m starting to feel like the effort isn’t being reciprocated.
What’s making it harder is that whenever I try to express how I feel, she seems to turn it around on me and I end up feeling guilty for even bringing it up.
I’m not expecting her to spend money she doesn’t have, and I’d rather cancel the trip than have her fall behind on rent. But I think I’m hurt by the bigger picture and the feeling that I put more effort into making her feel special than she does for me.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? And how would you approach this conversation without it turning into an argument or me being made to feel guilty for having feelings in the first place?

So I have been seeing this guy (36M) years old for about 4 months, and I am (30F) years old. He has a son which 4 years old, from a previous marriage, but his still in custody battle. Things moved pretty quickly, in the sense of us spending a lot of time together, which I’m okay with, because i dont want someone to waste my time, as we are not 21 anymore. So he told me about two weeks ago, that he needs space to focus on his things and get his life in order, which I found ironic because I thought by then hopefully he would atleast know what he wants. So I accepted it with pain, and he said he does not want us to be angry with one another, so we still talk every second day, and still grab a drink or dinner together. But honestly I am confused because I know according to him he does not have the space for a relationship now, but this dynamic has me questioning myself and what is actually going to come to this, is he actually into me and just needs the space now because he said he can’t give me the attention and 100% now or is he just stringing me along, and if that’s the case, why keep in contact with me?

My ex (40M) and I (32F), dated for eight months.

We were exclusive, talked about children and moving in together, and he called ours the healthiest relationship of his life. So naturally, I thought we were building something serious.

Then things unraveled in our final month.

Two months into dating, he told me he’d attended a gallery opening with Catherine, a woman he’d briefly slept with before me. She’d cried and confessed her feelings after learning about our relationship. He clarified they were just friends, and eventually they resumed their friendship. I trusted him.

Fast-forward to month seven: Catherine invited him to a small, multi-day art residency that August. He casually announced he was going, without asking how I felt.

After sitting with my discomfort for weeks, I finally brought it up. Could we find some middle ground? Maybe all hang out together, or I could join them?
He grew defensive, saying he didn’t believe in prioritizing romantic partners over other relationships, and complained that our 20-minute conversation was eating into his workday. He later apologized.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*The very next night\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*, he went to a performance with Catherine without telling me beforehand. It was our second-to-last night together before three weeks apart.

I discovered this when I called him and sent admittedly reactive texts saying I was hurt and couldn’t believe him. His response? “Why? But honestly, don’t feel like going on defensive right now.”

Other incidents had been accumulating:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*1.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* After an emotional conversation about his doubts around long-term monogamy, I took an extra 30-minute walk while fetching drinks for his project. I returned before anyone arrived, but he was furious, accusing me of “sabotaging” his work. He never asked whether I was okay.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*2.:\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* I biked slower than him, causing us to arrive ONE MINUTE late to class. We were turned away, and he blamed me for interfering with his productivity, sulking for much of the afternoon.

He’s fiercely independent and values autonomy. I believe he was sexually faithful, and I never asked him to abandon his friendships with exes. But I also know my anxiety sometimes made me jealous and reactive.
He eventually ended things, citing my anxiety, “possessive energy” around other women, and long-term incompatibility.

For context, he was never physically or intentionally verbally abusive. But defensiveness, passive aggression, and emotional shutdowns were recurring patterns.

For months, I’ve wondered whether a more securely attached woman would’ve handled everything differently. Whether I essentially sabotaged an otherwise good relationship.

But now I’m questioning whether my anxiety was really so disproportionate to the circumstances.

tl;dr: did my anxiety ruin my relationship?

—

SIDE NOTE: he looks like a greek god…he’s a former supermodel. and best sex of my life….

Since it’s Navratri in India, I get this message from my boyfriend which has a female figure(Maa Kali) and it said - Kali doesn't fit in temples. She lives in a woman who refuses to shrink, who burns, rebuilds, and rises unapologetically.

And for all the right and wrong reasons, it made me love him a bit more today. Little girl inside me is giggling with love ❤️

So... I (39f)moved in with my partner (32m) about 1.5 years ago. And at the time he thought he was ready, but reality showed he absolutely was not. A year ago I gave an ultimatum and for the first time in my life the nasty behavior started to change.

We've been working through the roots of his behavior for a year now, and while things aren't perfect they are definitely trending that way. He's actively seeking change, and I do see improvement. He's now aware that this is going to be a long and complicated process to unravel his traumas.

I would like to heal our relationship. I do believe there's value in us figuring this out together, and I accept that there's pain baked into that healing process.

The problem: I am still deeply wounded by his previous words and actions. Even though he has apologized I can't let some of the things go. Because of that I'm having a hell of a time reconnecting with him emotionally. I'm looking for a therapist, but haven't found one here that I jive with yet. Any suggestions for me to try in the meantime? Books? Videos? Literally anything is appreciated.

Hi all,

My wife (36F) and I (35M), 15 year relationship/5 years or marriage, are in a pattern for constant disagreement and it's posing a substantial pressure on our family and relationship - I'd love any advice you might have.

After the death of a close family member, my wife has suggested moving our family (4F, 7M) to her hometown to be closer to her parents. I'm all for this and think it will be good for the family unit. My wife is constantly trying to convince me to stay, where we both have high level professional jobs, established in school and an established group/s of friendships and hobbies. She expresses that she is worried that not only will we lose all of this, we won't be able to regain this. I've done everything I can to convince her we can do this and will do what it takes (however I can't predict some of the above).

We also have an anxious son that does not handle changes too well, so I appreciate some of the concerns there, his current teachers are not concerned when this has been raised.

It's now getting to a point where whatever path I steer us (she doesn't want the decision-responsibility), will ultimately pin the blame on me.

I guess my question here is, what would you do, or have done in similar situations and should we stay and continue to build our life and community?

​

I am 32F & my husband 35M, together for 7 years, married for 3.5 years. Im torned if i should stay or not, he is genuinely a good guy, calm & treats me well. Before we were married he liked going abroad, hiking and traveling. I also am dreaming of a well traveled life, small and big adventures alike.

When we got married all the traveling and adventures stopped. i get that we are trying to build an emergency fund, now its built. Best we do is chores at home, he sleeps in the evening, then TV then sleeps early. we both work - but he said we stay at home because of finances, he thinks money should not be spent while i think money comes back, but time doesnt.

Why not travel alone or with friends, you ask, what point is having a partner if i cant share adventures with him. When i was single or was just dating him I've always had a trip or something planned with my friends (FYI i moved to another country for him) - now its all stagnant. Day in Day out its just work, chores, maybe dinner at a new resto - thats all. And yes i've talked to him about this.

anyone can give me advice on how to navigate?

Me '38 F" and my bf '42M" have been together for over a year. We met 12 years ago but were both married at the time.

We both got divorced within last few years and reconnected last summer. He was married twice (first wife when he was really young that didn't work out, second wife in mid 30ties who ended up cheating on him). I was married once, quite young and things just didn't work out with my ex.

When me and bf started dating last year, we briefly spoke about marriage. I said I do want to get married again, he said he doesn't think he does. I know that this was probably the point were we should put a pin in it but.... we got caught up in the great time together otherwise and everything else about us aligns 100%.

The longer we are together, the more I keep thinking how I do want to be married again and how I can't image growing old with someone who is not my husband.

He says he just doesn't believe in an institution of marriage. He tried twice and both failed miserably. Asked me if we wear rings and call each other wife and husband would be enough for me. I honestly don't think so.

Are we toast? Is there compromise i am not seeing in this situation? I truly love him deeply and I know he feels the same way about me and I do not want to break up.

It's rough out here yall.

Having a disability while dating has been tough. Just finding someone is hard. I've always been resilient, dedicated and optimistic. I can be a free spirit- whimsical and happy.

Some people I have matched with on these apps label me is "immature" because I can be carefree. I don't believe I'm immature. I've been told my happiness can be a bit "much" for people. However, due to my health issues, I know what it is like to be miserable, depressed and anxious. I prefer to at least try to rise above that despair- especially when there is so much to be passionate about.

Having a chronic illness can be inconsistent. When has been a flare up, there have been times that I felt like I had to choose myself getting better than to pretend that I'm fine.

Does anyone have experience dating over 30 with a chronic disability? Are there any recommendations to connect with good people that don't mind this battle?

Throwaway account for privacy.

My partner [38M] recently told me [28F] that he doesn’t love me, despite us exchanging “I love you” for the past year. When I asked why he’d been saying it, he replied, “Honestly, it was out of habit.”

He was previously married, but that relationship ended 2–3 years ago. He then told me it would take him until the five-year mark of our relationship to actually love me.

Is this normal or healthy? I’m struggling to understand how someone can say “I love you” for a year without actually meaning it.

- - -

TL;DR; : My partner [38M] said he doesn’t love me [28F], despite telling me he does for the past year. He claims it was only said out of habit.

**TL;DR:** We've been together three years, and while the relationship is still loving, the passion, affection, and quality time we once shared have noticeably declined. He's less interested in doing things together and spends more time on his own. I have my own friends and interests, but I miss the companionship and worry we're heading toward living separate lives under the same roof. He struggles with depression, and I struggle with anxiety, so it's hard to know what's normal. How do you tell the difference between a relationship settling into a comfortable routine and two people growing apart?

We've been together for three years, and he moved in with me two years ago. In the beginning, we were incredibly passionate. We were intimate every day, sometimes multiple times a day. We hiked, biked, went out, and spent a lot of time together. I felt loved, wanted, and desired. He would often tell me how much he hated being apart.

He struggles with depression, and even early in our relationship, he would occasionally go through what I called his "down" periods. For two to four days, he would be perfectly nice and cordial but seemed distant, distracted, and emotionally unavailable. Then he would come out of it, and things would go back to normal.

Over time, we've settled into a routine, and I think he's become more comfortable feeling like this is his home, too. Now, he'll often spend evenings playing video games, watching TV in another room, or scrolling on his phone.

Another thing I've noticed is that it's become increasingly difficult to get him to do things with me. We used to hike, bike, go out, and enjoy spending time together, but now I often feel like I'm the one trying to make those things happen, and he's rarely interested. On the positive side, this has pushed me to spend more time doing those activities with friends, which I enjoy. But I miss sharing those experiences with him. I don't expect us to do everything together, and I think having separate interests and friendships is healthy. What worries me is the thought that this might be what our future looks like, two people living under the same roof but increasingly leading separate lives. I want us to have our own interests, but I also want to feel like we're sharing a life, not just a home.

We still have a sex life, but intimacy has gone from daily to about two or three times a week. He's never been someone who is overly expressive or constantly professes his love, but he used to regularly tell me how much he appreciated me, how pretty I was, or how much I turned him on. Those comments have become much less frequent.

I understand that the intensity and passion of a new relationship aren't sustainable forever. What I'm struggling with is figuring out what's normal as a relationship matures and what's a sign of emotional distance.

Sometimes I feel incredibly lonely, even when he's right in the next room. I know his depression is a factor, and I understand it doesn't just disappear. Unfortunately, he's unwilling to seek help for it. So I find myself wondering how much of what I'm experiencing is related to his depression and how much is simply the natural progression of a long-term relationship.

When I bring up my concerns, he tells me that I create problems where there aren't any. I also recognize that I have anxiety and a tendency to overthink and ruminate, which makes it even harder to trust my own perspective.

I've been married before, but we had young children and busy lives. I was then in a long-term relationship (7 yrs), but we didn't live together and had separate day-to-day lives every other week when I had my children, but that was just the situation, so I was ok with it. Now, this is my first serious relationship as an empty nester. I don't really have a frame of reference for what a healthy, settled relationship looks like when it's just the two of you.

**For those of you in long-term relationships, especially without kids at home, how much time do you actually spend together? Is it normal to spend evenings doing your own thing, to have less affection and verbal reassurance, and to do fewer activities together? How do you tell the difference between a relationship becoming comfortable and one becoming emotionally distant?**

I don't expect the honeymoon phase to last forever. I just don't know how much change is normal or whether I'm overlooking something that genuinely needs attention.

My husband and I have been together a long time over 20 years and he’s never made me feel wanted or desired, doesn’t make me feel like he’s interested in me at all other than as someone to tell about his hobbies, work, and whatever he’s seen on Facebook or whatnot. He doesn’t make plans with me or dream with me. We make a good team and have a comfortable life together but I want something more. Am I asking for to much?

what are your thoughts on sleeping in separate rooms/beds?

I’m in a similar situation and it would really be helpful to hear other people’s stories.

What made you break off the relationship? Did you love them when breaking off? How about now? Why did you think this was the best decision in life? Do you regret it ?

For anyone who is in a relationship that you consider happy what are fights / arguments like?

Please state ages and how long you’ve been in the relationship.

I’m trying to see if what I experience is normal.

Do you guys give each other space? Is there crying? How do fights go?

And if you have children- do you save fights so that they don’t see it?

I’m curious to hear from those who have experienced a relationship where one partner is naturally verbally affectionate, emotionally expressive, and enjoys spontaneous, meaningful conversations, while the other is much more reserved and pragmatic.

In my case, I (35F) am comfortable expressing affection, initiating conversations, being vulnerable, and showing physical affection. My bf (35M) is physically affectionate and receptive to emotional conversations, but rarely initiates them on his own. He can absolutely engage in deep, thoughtful discussions when prompted, but expressing his own emotions, offering spontaneous words of affirmation, or showing emotional curiosity doesn’t seem to come naturally.

Another big part of this is tone and enthusiasm. Sometimes his responses can sound very matter-of-fact, even when I’m sharing something I’m genuinely excited about or something emotionally meaningful. He’ll listen, respond, and even ask questions, but there’s often a lack of excitement, tenderness, or warmth in his delivery.
Sometimes I just wish I could feel more enthusiasm or emotional engagement coming from him. I want to feel like my partner is excited with me, not simply acknowledging what I’ve said lol.

From what he’s shared, emotional expression wasn’t really modeled for him growing up. There wasn’t much encouragement to talk about feelings or engage emotionally, and television was often used as a form of distraction rather than connection. What’s interesting is that when disagreements or differences arise, we actually communicate quite well. We’re both able to express ourselves, discuss difficult topics, hear each other’s perspectives, and work toward understanding one another. We’ve had some incredibly thoughtful and vulnerable conversations, so it’s not that he’s incapable of emotional depth or that we struggle to communicate.
It’s more about what happens outside those conversations: the everyday emotional connection, spontaneous curiosity, tenderness, enthusiasm, and verbal affection that don’t necessarily come naturally to him.

He’s a caring, dependable partner who demonstrates love through actions, and he is willing to try. But sometimes the dynamic can feel more like a close friendship than the emotional intimacy one might hope for in a romantic partnership. I recognize that I also have things to work on and don’t expect my partner to become someone he’s not. I appreciate his strengths and understand that people have different ways of showing love. Still, there’s a recurring feeling of wanting more emotional warmth and connection without always having to initiate it.
For what it’s worth, he’s also a Capricorn, although I’m not sure whether that has anything to do with it. 😂

For those who’ve experienced something similar:
- Did emotional intimacy deepen naturally over time, or did the differences become more pronounced?
- Did you ever struggle with your partner’s tone or lack of enthusiasm, even when their intentions were good?
- Did your partner become more comfortable initiating emotional connection, or did you learn to appreciate the ways they already expressed love?
- Did couples therapy or individual growth help bridge that gap?
- If you’re still together, what made it work? And if you’re no longer together, was the difference in emotional needs ultimately a contributing factor?

Was this a difference you learned to navigate, or did you eventually realize that something essential was missing?

Posting here to avoid the younger demographic of the relationship advice subreddit and the toxicity of some of the male only subreddits.

I (35M) dated a woman (35F) for 8 months and we were in a formal relationship. The first 7 months were great. She was warm, sweet, generous, fun, and seemed like a mature adult in the rest of her life. The last month was rockier as we were both stressed, tired, and I guess that’s often when the honeymoon phase ends, culminating in a big argument before I left on a 10 day work trip that I started. I think we were both feeling frustrated and had some doubts. We agreed to give each other some space while staying loosely in touch, then discuss our future when I returned. We both understood we were still together.

For context, I'm social, encourage her to have her own social life (she's more introverted), and have no issue with male-female friendships. But a few days before I returned, she mentioned meeting a married male former coworker for drinks nd networking (although he’s now in a different industry) on Friday night. Some details didn't add up and I became suspicious. When I confronted her after returning to Bosto, she stuck to her story until it became obvious she was lying.

She eventually admitted she had met an ex she'd dated for a few months before me. Apparently, a woman he was dating had contacted her suspecting he was cheating. The male ex then reached out to my gf, calling the woman crazy, and my gf agreed to meet him for a drink to "see how he was doing." This was her story.

For the first time in our relationship, I asked to see her phone. She handed it over and I found deleted messages between them. She had told him she had a bf, which he  ignored. He made euphemistic  comments about her "tightness" and said he wanted a kiss. Her responses were along the lines of "oh stopppp," but she still met him. I also verified that the other woman had contacted her and that the meeting with him was actually just a drink. I don't believe she physically cheated.

I also discovered she'd followed him on IG. When I questioned that her response was essentially, "Why does it matter if I'm not interested in him?" As I pressed for answers about everything, she alternated between seeming overwhelmed, annoyed, withdrawn, ashamed, and stressed. At some points it almost felt like I was put in the position to reassure her. She also didn’t have a good answer for why she met him apart that she was feeling down. We agreed to talk again in a couple of days. Shortly afterward, she deleted her entire IG account.

I'm so glad I listened to my gut and kept asking questions but I’m also trying to be fair. We'd had a significant argument, both of us were stressed, and I believe people can make mistakes, including entertaining attention from an ex. I think it's more common than many people admit.

What concerns me most isn't the drink itself, but the repeated dishonesty, her response when confronted, the way she sort of shutdown into shame rather than trying to make right, and the sudden IG deletion, which almost feels attention-seeking.

Does this sound like a relationship where trust could realistically be rebuilt through an honest conversation, or does her handling of the situation suggest a deeper  unresolvable problem?
What would you reasonable expect from this person as constructive minimums to rebuild trust and move forward?

I watched Nobody Wants This last week, and it got me thinking about how differently I approach dating now compared to my twenties.

Back then, I spent so much energy trying to be whoever I though lt the other person wanted.

Don't text back too fast, don't act too interested, pretend you don't care that much. It was exhausting.

Now I'm 34, and I just don't have the stamina for that kind of performance anymore. I'd rather someone know upfront what they're getting.

I like staying home, I need plenty of time alone, and my ideal Friday night usually involves takeout, sweatpants, skincare, and being asleep by 10. A few years ago, I would've worried that made me seem boring. Now, I actually like that about myself. I still want a relationship, but my life doesn't feel like it's on pause until one happens. My apartment, my routines, my books, my skincare, and small things like my tracys dog have already become part of my everyday life.

Younger me probably would've thought that sounded lonely, but right now it just feels peaceful.