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I am 32F & my husband 35M, together for 7 years, married for 3.5 years. Im torned if i should stay or not, he is genuinely a good guy, calm & treats me well. Before we were married he liked going abroad, hiking and traveling. I also am dreaming of a well traveled life, small and big adventures alike.

When we got married all the traveling and adventures stopped. i get that we are trying to build an emergency fund, now its built. Best we do is chores at home, he sleeps in the evening, then TV then sleeps early. we both work - but he said we stay at home because of finances, he thinks money should not be spent while i think money comes back, but time doesnt.

Why not travel alone or with friends, you ask, what point is having a partner if i cant share adventures with him. When i was single or was just dating him I've always had a trip or something planned with my friends (FYI i moved to another country for him) - now its all stagnant. Day in Day out its just work, chores, maybe dinner at a new resto - thats all. And yes i've talked to him about this.

anyone can give me advice on how to navigate?

My ex (40M) and I (32F), dated for eight months.

We were exclusive, talked about children and moving in together, and he called ours the healthiest relationship of his life. So naturally, I thought we were building something serious.

Then things unraveled in our final month.

Two months into dating, he told me he’d attended a gallery opening with Catherine, a woman he’d briefly slept with before me. She’d cried and confessed her feelings after learning about our relationship. He clarified they were just friends, and eventually they resumed their friendship. I trusted him.

Fast-forward to month seven: Catherine invited him to a small, multi-day art residency that August. He casually announced he was going, without asking how I felt.

After sitting with my discomfort for weeks, I finally brought it up. Could we find some middle ground? Maybe all hang out together, or I could join them?
He grew defensive, saying he didn’t believe in prioritizing romantic partners over other relationships, and complained that our 20-minute conversation was eating into his workday. He later apologized.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*The very next night\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*, he went to a performance with Catherine without telling me beforehand. It was our second-to-last night together before three weeks apart.

I discovered this when I called him and sent admittedly reactive texts saying I was hurt and couldn’t believe him. His response? “Why? But honestly, don’t feel like going on defensive right now.”

Other incidents had been accumulating:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*1.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* After an emotional conversation about his doubts around long-term monogamy, I took an extra 30-minute walk while fetching drinks for his project. I returned before anyone arrived, but he was furious, accusing me of “sabotaging” his work. He never asked whether I was okay.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*2.:\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* I biked slower than him, causing us to arrive ONE MINUTE late to class. We were turned away, and he blamed me for interfering with his productivity, sulking for much of the afternoon.

He’s fiercely independent and values autonomy. I believe he was sexually faithful, and I never asked him to abandon his friendships with exes. But I also know my anxiety sometimes made me jealous and reactive.
He eventually ended things, citing my anxiety, “possessive energy” around other women, and long-term incompatibility.

For context, he was never physically or intentionally verbally abusive. But defensiveness, passive aggression, and emotional shutdowns were recurring patterns.

For months, I’ve wondered whether a more securely attached woman would’ve handled everything differently. Whether I essentially sabotaged an otherwise good relationship.

But now I’m questioning whether my anxiety was really so disproportionate to the circumstances.

tl;dr: did my anxiety ruin my relationship?

—

SIDE NOTE: he looks like a greek god…he’s a former supermodel. and best sex of my life….

Since it’s Navratri in India, I get this message from my boyfriend which has a female figure(Maa Kali) and it said - Kali doesn't fit in temples. She lives in a woman who refuses to shrink, who burns, rebuilds, and rises unapologetically.

And for all the right and wrong reasons, it made me love him a bit more today. Little girl inside me is giggling with love ❤️

So I have been seeing this guy (36M) years old for about 4 months, and I am (30F) years old. He has a son which 4 years old, from a previous marriage, but his still in custody battle. Things moved pretty quickly, in the sense of us spending a lot of time together, which I’m okay with, because i dont want someone to waste my time, as we are not 21 anymore. So he told me about two weeks ago, that he needs space to focus on his things and get his life in order, which I found ironic because I thought by then hopefully he would atleast know what he wants. So I accepted it with pain, and he said he does not want us to be angry with one another, so we still talk every second day, and still grab a drink or dinner together. But honestly I am confused because I know according to him he does not have the space for a relationship now, but this dynamic has me questioning myself and what is actually going to come to this, is he actually into me and just needs the space now because he said he can’t give me the attention and 100% now or is he just stringing me along, and if that’s the case, why keep in contact with me?

I feel a bit silly even posting about this, but it’s genuinely getting to me and I could use some outside perspective.
My birthday is this weekend, and we had planned to go away for one night to celebrate. She said she would pay for everything as she gets paid on Friday. However, she’s only had around two days of work this week, and it’s looking like she might struggle to cover her rent next week if we go ahead with the trip.
I’ve told her we can just cancel the plans because I don’t want her to put herself in a difficult financial situation, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.
The thing is, when it’s her birthday, I always make the effort to buy things and pay for everything. She also hasn’t bought me a gift for any special occasion so far, and I’m starting to feel like the effort isn’t being reciprocated.
What’s making it harder is that whenever I try to express how I feel, she seems to turn it around on me and I end up feeling guilty for even bringing it up.
I’m not expecting her to spend money she doesn’t have, and I’d rather cancel the trip than have her fall behind on rent. But I think I’m hurt by the bigger picture and the feeling that I put more effort into making her feel special than she does for me.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? And how would you approach this conversation without it turning into an argument or me being made to feel guilty for having feelings in the first place?

So... I (39f)moved in with my partner (32m) about 1.5 years ago. And at the time he thought he was ready, but reality showed he absolutely was not. A year ago I gave an ultimatum and for the first time in my life the nasty behavior started to change.

We've been working through the roots of his behavior for a year now, and while things aren't perfect they are definitely trending that way. He's actively seeking change, and I do see improvement. He's now aware that this is going to be a long and complicated process to unravel his traumas.

I would like to heal our relationship. I do believe there's value in us figuring this out together, and I accept that there's pain baked into that healing process.

The problem: I am still deeply wounded by his previous words and actions. Even though he has apologized I can't let some of the things go. Because of that I'm having a hell of a time reconnecting with him emotionally. I'm looking for a therapist, but haven't found one here that I jive with yet. Any suggestions for me to try in the meantime? Books? Videos? Literally anything is appreciated.