My daughter who is 12 is a lesbian. She wants to have sleepovers and I'm not sure how to navigate this. The girl I said yes to her having a sleepover with ended up becoming her girlfriend as of recently. (I feel like 12 is a little young, but middle school romance, what can ya do!)

I am not particularly comfortable with her having a girlfriend sleepover but I don't know how to navigate this. I would never let my son have a girlfriend sleepover, nor have my other daughter have a boy sleepover. What would you do? How did you grow up in regard to this? The hard part is they already had a sleepover so I feel it will be a bit of a challenge to now say no since they are dating.

Any insight or thoughts are helpful, thanks!

I would love advice/critique. I haven’t really gotten any likes or matches, and I’m wondering if it’s because of my profile.

I want to hear ur story

i downloaded HER lesbian, bi and queer dating in hopes to make some lesbian friends or even find someone i could hit it off with, but about every five profiles i'll see a man's profile? and of course it wouldn't be a fun one if their bio doesn't have some corny shit like "i can make you straight" im just confused if its a app for only women(cis and trans) but i mean these were males with the "he/him" pronounces so i'm just confused because i downloaded it because i thought it was a app for women and not men?

We have been in a relationship for a year now. I always thought that my partner is a masc lesbian but turns out that she was just confused and that she might be trans. She's not sure yet.

(I have started using male pronouns with her, just to avoid confusion. I am using female pronouns here; please don't think that I am being insensitive or unaccepting of their identity. Also, English is not my first language, so please be lenient)

I love her more than anything, and I know she feels the same. But... I am scared of men... Sexual attraction is a different topic because I don't really care about gender, but being around men doesn't really make me feel safe, and she knows that too. And I think that's why she's not really confronting her identity with me...

We had an argument last night, and in the heat of the moment, she said that she can't see me getting anxious or scared or quiet, and she knows that I would never admit that I don't feel comfortable with her.

She said that if I do take T injections, I don't want you getting conscious of my voice changing slightly or if I start getting facial hair. And now I know that she's scared of me not accepting her, and this is exactly why she's lying to herself too.

I am trying really hard to get over my fears, but it's so damn hard, and I know I will eventually get over it, but how do I make her feel secure enough in the meantime? Because she easily sees through me.

This rant is mainly focused on yuri manga, but I see the same thing for TV shows, movies, etc.

Everyone likes to say they care about lesbian media, but they never actually consume it. It’s doing more than pissing me off because now I’m seeing people give terrible input on media they objectively don’t understand.

I see this most often with yuri manga since I’ve been a huge fan and collector of it since I was in middle school. I don’t play about it. Anyways, if you’re unfamiliar, there’s a popular trope that’s been around since early yuri in the 1970s called the crimson rose and candy girl. Here’s a brief overview of the trope I snagged from Wikipedia.

“In these stories, ‘Rose’ is a beautiful, strong, and enterprising dark-haired girl, while ‘Candy’ is a naïve and more feminine light-haired girl.”

There’s more to it than that, to be clear. Look it up online if you want to know details because it’s definitely more than just their appearance and personalities.

I can understand why people grow tired of seeing this trope everywhere in yuri manga … except it’s really not EVERYWHERE. There’s plenty of stories where the character dynamics fall outside of the rose/candy pairing. Alas, now we have people who don’t read yuri ranting online about how the sun/moon black hair/light hair blah/bleh trope is stereotypical and overdone. They don’t even know the name of the trope they are describing!!! It’s not underground knowledge, if you actually read yuri you would know the name of the trope and you would also know that it’s not taking over the genre like people who pretend to read yuri claim.

They also complain about every yuri being in high school. This also isn’t true? I’m confused? Oh wait, they don’t read yuri so they don’t know any geared towards adult audiences. I’m sorry but I don’t think it’s an issue for yuri to be set in high school. There’s young lesbians out there (me) who needed to see that representation. Also, high school settings can be interesting too. It’s not confined to slice of life (re: Common Sense Monster, which everyone should definitely read if they are into queer horror).

Anyways, that’s just the context for this next bit I want to talk about: WHY? What do people get out of pretending to read lesbian media and then sharing their bad opinions about it online. I think it’s that people (especially those who aren’t lesbian) think that appearing like you enjoy lesbian media makes you an ally. Goodbye.

In the same breath, these people call classic tropes with legit substance to them stereotypical, talk down on young lesbian representation and take nuance away from a vast genre that explores every type of intimate relationship between two women (or in some cases gnc individuals). It’s blatantly fake feminism.

I wish this was an online thing, but I encounter these people in real life. Thankfully I meet people who actually care about lesbian media and are trying to do something to popularize it (like my local Barnes and Noble employee who’s always ordering more lesbian literature to the store and putting it on display … THANK YOU). Still, it makes me feel a bit awkward when I’m talking to someone who says they enjoy lesbian media and it becomes apparent they both don’t know shit and are unwilling to learn.

I WANT people to enjoy lesbian media. I WANT our stories to be heard by people who aren’t lesbian. I WANT queer authors work to be appreciated, especially if they are from countries like Japan where same sex marriage still isn’t legalized. It’s disheartening to see a beautiful genre be dragged through the mud by people who don’t even give it the time of day.

Hey everyone,
I don’t know if anyone else has seen this yet, but Lindsay just uploaded a massive 1-hour tell-all video on her YouTube channel called "I Kissed an L | Surviving I Kissed a Girl | I Will Not Be Silenced."

It is honestly so heavy and completely reframes the entire season. She put a massive trigger warning at the start because she touches on everything from systemic racism and producer manipulation to actual sexual assault.
A few of the main takeaways if you don't have time to watch the whole thing:

The Sexual Assault Allegation: She describes a horrific off-camera incident at an Airbnb where she was belligerently drunk to the point of blacking out. She woke up completely alone, and a different cast member later told her that they had sex. Lindsay emphasizes that she had zero recollection of it, could not consent, and was left incredibly confused and vulnerable.

Producer Cover-ups & Lack of Duty of Care: When she tried to process what happened and requested a therapist, she claims an executive producer blocked her from getting professional help and tried to do immediate "damage control." They allegedly tried to downplay it to her as just "ordinary sexual regret" rather than a serious issue of non-consent.

The Person She Was Coupled With: She discusses how the person she was paired with (Blessing) acted completely differently when the cameras were rolling versus when they were off stating they were super affectionate for the narrative on screen but stoic, cold, and passive-aggressive behind the scenes. She also mentioned a lot of crossing of boundaries regarding bed-sharing, where she was interrogated by producers for saying no.

Rampant Racism Behind the Scenes: She details multiple racist incidents with the cast, including getting iced out on day one for not being white, cast members making gross "jokes" about Black History Month/Malcolm X in the group chat, and cultural appropriation. She also confronted executives about why all the deep conversations about her culture and being a Black queer woman in the UK were entirely edited out, and a producer literally told her it "wasn't interesting."

Cast Toxicity: She leaked some other wild behavior, like one cast member using a derogatory fatphobic slur against an IKAG Season 1 contestant, and another sending a photo of an ex's current partner's underwear to the group chat just to humiliate them.
She has completely blocked most of the cast and says she absolutely does not support or endorse the BBC or the show whatsoever.

It is wild to see how much dark stuff was hidden behind the "progressive queer dating show" edit. Has anyone else watched it yet? What are your thoughts on how production handled her?

the video: https://youtu.be/k2bwcM2OZR8?is=Zx8zi6ciyLal48jU

love y’all, girls! (feel free to text me if you wish)

my gf and i have been together for 4 years. for the past year, our intimacy changed a bit but it was still occasionally fulfilling and intimate. but for the past two months, it felt only physical and quick. i didn’t feel connected nor intimate with her. i felt she was doing some kind of chore.

we decided to go on a date of friday. i asked her to dedicate some actual time for us to be intimate and close since it’s the weekend. we went on the date, when we came back, there was no indication that she even has it in mind. i changed my own clothes and took off my accessories as if the date didn’t happen. i asked her if she is even had it in mind. she said “yes after dinner maybe” (we were gonna make dinner from scratch. it was already 7. she checks out by 10:30. she always feels sick after eating) so i just felt like she didn’t even think about making it happen or made it a priority. it was a domino effect from there.

i shared with her that i felt unfulfilled and that i need her and i carve her. i had to be painfully detailed about what i want, need, and what we used to have. i cried a lot cause i felt i was dragging her into understanding. i felt ashamed and embarrassed. we used have an amazing intimate life but now she seems like she doesn’t even understand what that means.

we had 3 conversations, each more painful than the other. yesterday, she came over to talk. she somehow thought “needing to miss each other” should help. she was trying to stick to a rule of “3 times a week” because i said once that i want that. so it burned her out. we talked a lot but here was a lot of “it’s easier for me to do this and it’s hard for me to do that” even though she keeps insisting that she wants me. while all i hear is a lot of words for “i lost passion towards us and you but i dont want to actually say it”.

then we somehow got to how she feels receiving from me. she said that “i can tell when u r feeling insecure and timid. it really unattractive”.. (i gained weight through the past 3 years. i have pmos so losing it is nearly impossible. it’s been affecting how i see myself a lot) and honestly, she is right. insecurity is unappealing.

i honestly checked out after that. i tried to conclude that conversation as well as possible. we decided that she will approach me when she feels like it, not to follow some kind of rule. i told her that what i craved has to include her wanting me and being actually intimate with me. so she can forget about that rule cause it was never a rule. i just said it because this is how i feel i want.

but im not sure if i even want it anymore. i felt so anxious when i felt her hand of my hip this morning. i couldn’t wait to get out of bed. ive been always the one with more sexual and intimate needs. i feel so much shame, pain and somehow anger. it not the first time it’s been treated weirdly. this is a very short version of it. there was a lot more said but idk how to fit it here. but i really dont know how to comeback from this.. it’s humiliating

My gf and I have known each other for less than 2 months. We’re long distance, met in person 2 weeks ago, and are seeing each other again next week.
She recently told me that one of my orange flags is needing more contact than her. She said she wouldn’t mind going a whole day without talking, and honestly, it made me a bit anxious.
I’m the type of person who likes updating my partner about little things throughout the day and being updated too. Since we’re long distance, talking is pretty much all we have between visits. Hearing that made me wonder if I’m annoying her by wanting to talk more and be present more .
I understand that everyone has different needs, and I don’t expect us to talk 24/7 because we respect each other space and it's never interrupted but I also don’t want to feel like I’m too much just bcs i want to share my day or know abt hers.
Am I overthinking this and being too sensitive about it?

So in my last year of high school, I fell in love with this girl in my class, which eventually resulted in us becoming friends! I was really happy at that time but thought that she probably didn’t like me back. That didn’t bother me since being with her was enough for me. With all of our friend group going to uni, we didn’t spend as much time together as before, and I eventually lost my feelings for her while still being very content with staying friends.

Fast forward to three years later (like, one month ago), we're hanging out and she tells me she noticed how much I've changed recently and how I've gained confidence. So she asked me out (crazy!) and told me we could take things slow and everything. I thought it was the perfect moment to confess my feelings from back then to her haha. Much to my surprise, she told me she was also kind of into me at the time...! It made me see so many of our moments together in a different light and made me realize how dumb of a lesbian I am for not getting any of her hints lol.

I'm glad I said yes because getting to spend more time with her again made me remember why I fell in love with her in the first place. <3 I feel like my lesbian fantasy is getting fulfilled, but it’s still so surreal to me.

i’m in my late 20s, and i’ve been with my girlfriend for about 6 months. i love this girl so much it’s actually ridiculous 😭 when things are good, they’re REALLY good. but we’ve broken up multiple times, sometimes over my best friend, and i’m starting to feel like i’m being forced to choose between two people i genuinely cannot imagine losing.

for context, my friend and i have known each other for almost 6 years. we did have a sexual history at different points in our friendship, but we were never in a relationship. we’ve both dated other people, and the friendship has always been so much bigger than the sex.

this is someone who literally saved my life. i attempted suicide, and she found me unconscious in my apartment cos she felt something was wrong and came over, took me to the hospital and stayed by my side through the aftermath. she cared for me for months when i was at my lowest. stocking up my fridge, hanging out, finding gigs for me to keep me busy (i’m a freelance artist), giving me money sometimes… she did it all. i honestly don’t know what would have happened to me if she hadn’t been there. i wouldn’t even be here, actually

but even beyond that, she’s just one of my favourite people. she’s kind, she shows up for the people she loves, and she’s someone i can talk to about absolutely anything. like everyone that knows her only has good to say about her.

we speak almost every day. sometimes, just tiktoks. i don’t feel indebted to her or like i owe her a friendship because she saved me. i love her as a person, and i want her in my life because of who she is. losing her would genuinely feel like losing a part of my life. my actual two friends love her to bits. my family loves her. even some of my exes. she’s that incredible

now, i understand why my girlfriend is uncomfortable. i told her when we first met that i was sleeping with someone, cos she was also sleeping with someone and we spoke about that topic. it was initially just sex between my girl and i. when we first started getting together, my friend didn’t know i was seeing someone and was occasionally flirting with me. i hadn’t made the situation clear enough, and my girlfriend later realised there was more to it than she initially understood. i can see how that damaged her trust, and i take responsibility for my part in that. we had actually spoken about everyone doing their own thing but being respectful. partly why i hadn’t disclosed to my friend i was seeing someone. anyway, my girl slept with the person she was sleeping with before me, and another person at a party but told me about them. i’m naturally not a jealous person, and i’ve been in open relationships so i understood. but i quickly realised that she was extremely jealous and i didn’t have the freedom to do what she was doing. nothing sexual has happened between my friend and me since i got with my girlfriend (nothing has ever happened if we were seeing other people. we’ve never once cheated on our partners with each other or cheated in general), and my friend knows about our relationship now.

the problem is that my girlfriend still struggles to believe that the friendship is genuinely platonic. she’ constantly goes through my phone (i’m talking socials, notes, even chatgpt), and even innocent conversations or rants that i was talking to myself can become a source of conflict. it’s not just this friend either. she gets uncomfortable about other female friends i have, especially anyone i’ve ever had history with, and sometimes even my family becomes part of the tension. that i’m taking attention away from her. she even starts to act up when i get on the phone with literally anybody. for some time, i didn’t even hangout with my friends cos it would’ve been something. mind you, she has the freedom to do literally whatever she wants, cos i hate to restrict people and i prefer people doing things on their own accord instead me forcing or coercing them. plus most things don’t get to me like that anyways.

anyway, one incident really captures how complicated this has become. my friend was having serious problems at home and asked to come over for a few hours because she needed somewhere to breathe. my girlfriend and i argued about it before she arrived. when my friend finally came, she was already crying, so i stayed with her, comforted her and listened to what she was going through. eventually, we were both exhausted (hadn’t slept the whole night cos i was up working on a gig) and fell asleep.

my girlfriend came in during the situation and wanted to confront my friend about who she really was to me. my friend was already overwhelmed and ended up leaving in tears. my girlfriend told me that if i followed my friend, it meant i was choosing her over our relationship. i followed her anyway, explaining that i can’t just leave her outside in that state, she hasn’t even ordered an uber yet, and especially when she had come to me for help cos she was going through it. and told her, we could when i made sure my friend was getting home safely since me and her (my girl) live in the same building.

my girlfriend felt betrayed, she cussed me tf out and broke up with me… things got really ugly emotionally. later that same night, my girlfriend called that she took like 5 sleeping pills because she wanted to just sleep and escape what she was feeling, but that she wasn’t feeling too good physically. i went to her, took her to hospital, came back w her and stayed with her until she was okay. i love this girl so so much, and seeing her in that much pain was devastating. she was crying the entire night. i felt like shit for putting her through that. i don’t want to dismiss what this situation has done to her, i played a huge part in it

the following morning, we woke up and that was when she really went in. telling me not to talk to her ever again, pass when i see her anywhere, called me horrible names which i probably deserved cos i wasn’t entirely honest, but she came over later that night that she wanted to have sex. tried explaining that it wasn’t a good time cos of what’s happened but she was like she wants it and that’s why she came down. that am i not attracted to her anymore… for context, we have insane sexual chemistry and the sex is actually out of this world. one of the reasons we can’t leave each other, honestly. anyway, i gave it to it eventually and that’s how we got back together

and this has been our pattern. we love each other, we struggle with this issue, we break up, and then we find our way back to each other because neither of us really wants to let go. our relationship can feel almost euphoric when things are good, and our connection is incredibly intense. but the repeated fights and breakups, man 💔

we didn’t talk about my friend for weeks, and honestly my friend didn’t talk to me for almost three weeks after. she felt disrespected and hurt that i put her in a position where it looked like she was on to someone else’s girl, cos if she had known, she wouldn’t have crossed that boundary. we started talking again, but it took so long to get to our original vibe cos she just didn’t wanna cause any more issues. and again, she’s stopped flirting since that day. purely platonic now.

now, like 6 weeks after the incident, my girl brought up my friend again. i told her we don’t talk as often that she didn’t even talk to me for weeks after. my girl insinuated that i cut her off completely but i told her i honestly didn’t think i could. my girl said she wasn’t comfortable w the whole thing, and broke up with me. i respected it cos i wasn’t gonna force her to comfortable with something she’s not. and i honestly understood where she was coming from. but she came back literally like 30mins later and her first words were “love is the closest thing to madness” and just like that, we were back again.

now, three days ago, she sent me a tiktok about being careful about your partner’s female friends and it quickly snowballed into a huge thing. she said she could never get comfortable with my friend and i still being friends, that it either her (my girl) or her (my friend)

also, i’m away in another country working and she was actually crying about the whole thing and i felt so helpless and pressured to tell her that i’d stay away from my friend. just to calm her d but i honest that im not cutting her off completely from my life. maybe monthly or two months check in. own.

i’m now considering telling my friend i need to talk to her less, mainly to make my girlfriend feel more secure. and the thing is, my friend would probably understand, even if it hurt her. but i don’t actually want to do it. i’m scared that if i start distancing myself from her, i’ll lose a friendship that means the world to me. i’m also scared that if my girlfriend and i eventually break up, i’ll have sacrificed this friendship for a relationship that didn’t work out. i don’t wanna be secretly resenting my girl over missing my friend. and what if me and my friend’s relationship never goes back to the same way it was if we eventually do reconnect?

at the same time, i hate that the person i love feels threatened by someone else i love. i don’t want my girlfriend to feel like she’s competing with my friend, and i wish i could make her understand that these are two completely different kinds of love. i want to build a life with my girlfriend without having to erase other people who matter to me.

i just don’t know. i understand that my actions at the beginning contributed to my girl’s insecurity, and i know rebuilding trust takes time. i also know that having a sexual history with a close friend can be complicated, and maybe i’m too close to the situation to see it clearly.

so i genuinely want outside perspectives.

am i being unreasonable for wanting to maintain this friendship, considering our history?
how much should i compromise to help my partner feel secure before it starts becoming a sacrifice of my own relationships?
can trust actually be rebuilt in a situation like this, or are we just fundamentally incompatible on this issue?

i love my girlfriend deeply. i love my friend deeply. neither relationship is disposable to me, and i don’t want to lose either of them. i just don’t know how to make room for both without someone feeling like they’re losing.

I feel its so hard to find lesbians, esp the ones i'm into (butch women) in the netherlands.. and if there is a lesbian event its in amsterdam where i can't go to unless i get a hotel room which is SPENSIVE. I tried online dating and its not for me so basically i am just fucked . i'm ovulating and annoyed !!!!!! I just want a woman to love me and fuck me grrr

Does anyone else feel this way? I’ve been using dating apps on and off for a few years and none of them have been successful. I have really been fighting the loneliness recently of not having a girlfriend and i dont know how to go about it. I dont know where to find other lesbians or how to even get into a relationship. I feel that i have so much love to give and no one to give it to. Advice is appreciated 🥲

Hi just need to vent lol. My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1.9 years. Since we started dating our libidos have always been opposite, mine being higher and hers lower. I’ve gotten used to it and it usually doesn’t bother me much but lately it’s been so hard. She’s just not a sexual person and I knew that when we started dating. I’ve chosen to accept that about her because I truly love her so much but sometimes I just crave spontaneous sexual little moments and comments and teasing. I crave the foreplay and teasing each other sexually throughout the day leading up to having sex, and not just telling each other we’re horny and planning on when we’ll have sex ugh idk!! I just want to be treated like a whore from time to time is that too much to ask?? Like I want her to crave me and beg for me and yearn for me. I’m also ovulating right now so I feel like I’m going insane🤎 Anyone here ever been in a similar position before??

Hello queer women of color on this subreddit, I want some advice! I’m an Asian queer woman who currently lives in a suburb in the US because of my work. I go to a queer sports group in the city every week and it’s currently my main queer social space. The group is very white and I haven’t formed many deep bonds because I usually like to hang out with other pocs. The problem is other similar queer sports groups are a lot farther from me, and traveling there is more time consuming because of my location.

I also have straight Asian friends who live closer to me and invite me to their group hangouts. However, I feel like I don’t have that much in common with them either: straight people in the suburbs just seem to have a very different trajectory in life, wanting to get married, buy a house, etc.

I have some individual queer poc friends but they live a bit farther away and I don’t see them as often as I go to the queer sports things. So I feel like I’m facing this dilemma of choosing between two kinds of non-ideal spaces. I genuinely don’t mind keep going to the sports thing, as people are in general welcoming, but I often leave the events feeling lonely. Fellow queer woc, how do you deal with this?

I'm acc SO high and drunk idk how am i alive but i want to hear it cuz im alone and yall always have cute stories to tell

My girlfriend and I made it official today! We’ve been building for a while and I’m so happy that I had to share with someone lol sorry if this isn’t allowed 😩

Lesbians who know how to take the lead help me out!!

I’ve been on a few dates with this girl and I wanna kiss her or ‘make a move’ of some sort. I know she likes me and would be open to it I just don’t know how to find the right time to make a move or how to do it without being lil awkward. I’m not used to making the very first move so any advice would be much appreciated!!