I don’t know if this is a bpd issue or not so I apologize.
I was talking to my mom about problems that I experience. During talking I just felt so aware of how I sounded and felt so disgusted, and it got worse afterwards. It’s like I have a third person observer in my head that matches my perception of whoever I’m talking to. I imagine her perceiving me to be same way you’d perceive an 8 year old singing all girls are the same, I sound so damn stupid and pathetic and idk I can’t find the words. Everything from the way my repulsive ass nasally voice sounds to my speech pattern to what I’m saying. I just feel so fucking disgsuted with myself.
It’s not always like that, but very often I get that. It also extends out to just being around other people, when I’m in public every person I see enters my head as a third person observer and I can just hear all of their thoughts about me. That also means that it’s dependent upon the person I’m around and who I profile them to be.

How am I supposed to live my life if almost everyone triggers my black and white thinking and I end up not wanting to talk to or be around anybody but I also hate being alone. I can’t see the point in living either of those ways. Anyone else have similar experiences? Has anyone found a way to do something about that?

aaaaaaaa!

i am so tired of people telling me this! “think about being single the rest of your life. accept it. grieve that pain. then you’ll be free. it doesn’t mean you won’t find anyone!” WHY WOULD I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THAT! i don’t want to be free from needing love, because i want to be loved!

“once you’re comfortable with yourself and okay on your own, THEN you’ll be ready to find someone.” why do i have to suffer like that! why do i have to be so fucking alone before i’m worth being loved!

i don’t want to cope with being single! i don’t want to be content being single! i don’t want to have to give up the only thing i’ve looked forward to in life and “grieve it”! i want to fall in love and get married like everyone else! i want to stop being alone! i don’t want to be content like this!

eta: does anyone else get this? or just frustrated by the love yourself rhetoric in general?

I'm really trying my best not to lose it. But he's disappeared again without a word even when I've already said a simple gesture of telling me why or where would be better for me and lessen my hurt... just a simple little text would mean the world to me just to know he's okay...I have promised myself not to do sh again but it's really hard when none of my usual resets are working. Rn the urge is so strong I dont think i have any otther options left. I just want the torture to stop. I don't understand why and how to live with these feelings. Sometimes i think about leaving just to let myself breathe and finally be free but that's impossible for me because leaving would feel like the end of the world. I would rather get hurt again and again rather than lose him completely but god I'm so fucking tired I can't take it anymore :(

Almost all my interests are attached to my fp or close friends. If they were not in my life anymore, i could drop all those things in an instant easily.

I have no dreams, i only work and study because i have to. I feel no emotional connection to anything i do purely for myself. I feel like i do not exist outside of other people. I am so hollow that i take my personality from everyone else. My friends and fp have noticed, but they don't understand how deep it really goes or why

Usually when I split I will isolate and be a total wreck on my own, I will struggle to find ways to soothe myself.
However, nowadays I will usually look at pictures of my bf and it calms me down. Sometimes I’m splitting because of him cuz he’s busy and I wish we’d text more tho I know he’s busy. But I still enjoy checking pictures of him and fangirling about how cute he is.
Anyways, I just wanted to write this thought down I guess.

Hey guys,

so for a while I have this conflict in my head on how to approach BPD and life in general.

Should I focus on what I can do in the present or should I try to integrate the past?

I have tried both. DBT focuses a lot on the here and now and mindfulness practices helped me a lot. But there is always this lingering thought that its just a more healthy way of dissociation of my real internal problems.

I have also tried to go into past memories but this just fucked me up for good. I became so resentful, guilty, ashamed and became way more disfucntional than before.

Of course a big problem is/was that I had not adequate enough help from psychologists to help me do this in a healthy way due to overloaded systems and money problems.

But even in psychotherapy it seems like those are the too camps in general:

Camp one: All your problems are from past experiences and we have to heal those.

Camp two: the only productive way is focusing what you can do in the present internally or externally to get better.

Would like to hear your thoughts on this.

Has anyone figured out why they latch onto the people that they do?

I’m trying to break the cycle of having FPs, and in order to do that, I gotta figure out what I’m getting from them. But it feels so random. I don’t know how to describe it, I just INSTANTLY feel an intense bond with some people, even before really getting to know them.

It’s not just because they show me love and care. I have multiple friends who do that, but the feeling is not the same at all. It doesn’t feel addictive like it does with an FP.

Long story short; After 3,5 years of best friendship, my best friend suddenly messaged me that he’s ending the friendship with barely any context other than that it’s because I have a hard time being on time, that I respond to messages late, that I sometimes cancel our calls and that I’m very low energy during our hangouts lately. He said that it made him feel deeply hurt and disrespected. He doesn’t want to talk it out, he doesn’t want to hear me out, he told me that he didn’t want to give more context cause “I was there when it happened and I need to reflect on it myself” and is now avoiding me like the plague to the point of pushing me out of a certain mutual social group that we have. On my end it feels like he’s outright treating me like I’m evil and did something fucked up to him, and people who don’t know me that well who see him treating me this way will probably think the same of me. Especially if they’ve never seen him do this to another person ever. As a person with a DEEP trauma of abandonment, this is messing me up SEVERELY as it is all my deepest nightmares come true and I don’t know what to do. It’s been about 3 months and my heart is still deeply broken with no signs of healing from this at all.

I found out about splitting a couple days ago and learning about it has made me feel slightly more at ease and made me feel less insane that I might ACTUALLY be secretly evil and fucked up without me knowing. It also made me empathize with him a lot more after being EXTREMELY devastated and very angry at him for treating me this way. I’m not sure if he has been diagnosed with BPD or actually has it, but the splitting is definitely something he has dealt with in the past in hindsight. Any advice on how to deal with this? Do I try to talk it out with him again? (It’s been about 3 months at this point). Do I confront him about pushing me out of social groups? Do I let it go (to a degree)?

For extra context if needed: both of us have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and both of us have some heavy trauma. For the past year I have been going through a deep depression and autistic burnout. Hence the “low energy” on my end, cancellation due to overstimulation and fatigue, being late due to dissociation, etc. He knows about this, as I have explained it to him many times during my apologies.

(That last extra context is extra painful, as it genuinely made me feel like he’s punishing me for something that’s already punishing enough which I have no control over… )

Hello, to start with, i dont have BPD but my sister does. And im afraid she is going to hurt herself once her pet passes away. My sister (36F) is currently living with our parents. Let me give you some background on her. In high school she wasnt diagnosed yet. She had a hard time with friends and schoolmates. Our parents didnt know what we know now, but they tried the bast they could. Even though she had a hard time, she was still fun, got good grades, amd was outgoing when she was out. But when she got home, she was a different person. Just mean to me and absolutely hated my mom. Again, we didnt know back then. She made it through high school amd went to college. She did fine at first but after a year, she tried to kill herself. She went to a psych ward and was released later where she went back to school for a bit but eventually left. She got a job and was on and off going back to college for years. It took her about 10 years overall to get her degree. She never used it and juat remained in her field of work. She would work at one place for a year or two, always getting in trouble for calling in, getting fired, then going to the next place and repeating. This cycle ended when she got married and divorced in a year and moved back in with our parents. Then one of her pets died. Now this was her real emotional support. Almost like it was her soul partner. After that she went off. But after a few months she eventually went to work again but at minimum wage jobs and part-time only. Now about a year and a half ago she just quit everything. She gave up on work, on family, on life. She is a shut in that hasnt had a job in a long time and living in her childhood room not showering, not talking to anyone, not making an effort at anything. My parents have financially floated her this entire time and because of that mixed with a recent life changing event, they are 100% out of money. There is no way for them to fix their situation, they are claiming bankruptcy. Now i know my sister feels guilty about that, she cant look anyone in the eye anymore and is too embarrassed to even be seen going into the kitchen to get food (she will get mad if people look at her and eat behind a door before going back to her room). Now my mom confided in me and told me that she truely believes that when my sisters last pet passes away, my sister will either kill herself or jump in her beater car and drive off never to be seen again.

Now a little about myself, if it matters. I (31M) may not have BPD but im not completely unaware of what mental illness is like. I have severe anxiety, the kind that makes scared me want to hide when it rains or i hear really loud planes. Ive even gone to the hospital when i had a panic attack so bad i thought I was having a heart attack. I also have ocd and constantly pop my ear to the point where it gives me migranes everyday. But ive been able to get some help with my issues and through willpower, self reflection, becoming religious, and changing how I live. Now when i was a child, i was the main punching bag whenever my sister spiraled, that created a huge problem in our relationship that, and i feel so guilty about this knowing about her bpd now, still affects it today. But even though i still keep my distance from her, i truly love my sister. When she feels pain, i really feel bad for her and want to help. I do remember good times and i think about them fondly and know my sister is a good person at heart. But just for my sake, i try to keep away. Seeing how cruel she acts to my parents even though they gave her everything they had just makes me mad. And the fact that every time in at my parents house, she asks for money. I always bite my lip and walk away, as i found that just walking away is the best option for me. When we have fought, it gets ugly. Now my sister is embarrassed and jealous ive done more things in my life than she has. I was able to join the military where she wasnt because of medical issues. I was able to understand money and could save where she went so far into debt. I was able to live in foreign countries on work visas and travel the world. My partner and I have a stong relationship when she cant keep a boyfriend. And ive been able to buy a house and cars on my own where she was given her car by our parents. I know she holds that grudge against me and i believe that makes her feel guilty that she does.

Now on to the point where i need advice. I have been able to understand my sister more than most and for whatever reason, i can talk to her on a deeper level than my parents can. I have been able to talk her down from some pretty bad episodes. The once said she looks up to me. Now, as ive said, since ive gotten older, ive felt ive had to pull back from her to protect myself. I feel guilty for this and somewhat believe thats one of the reasons she has gotten so much worse these past couple years. But i want to talk to her and try to help her from killing herself when her pet dies. I really want whats best for her. I dont know how i would be able to cope with her doing that. I just dont know how to talk to her anymore. Whenever someone says the slightest thing thats critical of her she either runs and hides away in her room or she gets so angry and mean then hides in her room. I know the second i say anything, she will shut down and nothing i say will be able to be heard. So guys, please, if you know some way to talk to her or at least get my intentions across to her, let me know. I really appreciate it. Thank you in advance for any thoughts you have.

Is it possible to actually hold down a job with BPD? My main issue isn’t dealing with people or coworkers. I just constantly feel incapable or stupid, and I struggle to finish the tasks I’m given. A lot of the time, I feel like I just can’t keep up with what’s expected of me.

I’m curious how many people with BPD found out at any earlier age vs later in life, and how long some people went rejecting the idea of it. Were you influenced by other people or your subconscious?

Its amazing that when you've struggled for 20 years with a debilitating disease, and you've finally learned methods of coping with it. You sit down and get some perspective on the life that you were living, the choices you made, and who you were holding on to that maybe you should not have.

After suffering and illness, then hopelessness and despair before actively trying to heal and help yourself. Or even learning what that entails.

You will find out who your friends are. And for me personally, as I gaze back at the decisions ive made and the people that ive kept in my life. I have realized that the ones I chose to keep are in fact the people who were making me sick. They were making me ill without me knowing. Because people use emotional abuse and manipulation as a tactic for getting what they want from life. And I was being used for my kindness when I thought that I was being a good person. I thought that I was helping others. But really I was just being drained and left with nothing.

What I called being generous and supportive was actually burning myself out in order to show up for others. What i told myself was love was actually just manipulation that others used against me. To get what they want.

Im not trying to be bitter. I am bitter. But what astounds me the most, is that you truly never know who your real friends are. And even when they're gone the doubts still remain.

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I'm posting here because I'd like to hear from people who have BPD or are in relationships with someone who has it.

I'm a 24-year-old man, and my girlfriend is also 24. We've been in a long-distance relationship for five months. She has BPD, and I struggle with anxious attachment, partly because I've been cheated on in previous relationships.

Recently, someone on Reddit told me that people with BPD are often impulsive and claimed that around 45% have a history of casual sex with people they barely know or multiple sexual partners. This really scared me because I'm afraid of infidelity, and I don't know whether that statistic is accurate or what it actually means.

I understand that casual sex and cheating are not the same thing. I'm also aware that having BPD doesn't automatically mean someone will be unfaithful. However, I keep worrying about whether impulsivity associated with BPD could make cheating more likely for some people.

My girlfriend sometimes says she's religious, and we're both Muslim, so sexual behavior outside our values would be particularly painful for me. I have no evidence that she's cheating or doing anything behind my back, but the thought keeps coming into my mind. Sometimes, just imagining it makes me extremely anxious and gives me stomach cramps.

I'd really appreciate honest answers from people with BPD or those who have experience with it:

- Is impulsivity related to BPD something that can affect sexual behavior or fidelity in relationships?

- Does having BPD mean someone is more likely to cheat, or is that an unfair generalization?

- For those with BPD, how do you experience commitment, sexual boundaries, and fidelity in relationships?

- Is the 45% statistic I mentioned accurate, and does it actually tell us anything about the likelihood of cheating?

- How can I distinguish reasonable relationship concerns from anxiety caused by my past experiences?

I'm not looking to stereotype anyone with BPD or accuse my girlfriend of anything. I want to understand the issue more accurately and learn how to manage my fear without making assumptions about her.

Thank you for sharing your experiences and perspectives.

Hey guys, me and my boyfriend are actually on a break rn, but it made me realize how bad my checking is when it comes to my relationship. I check his Spotify, I check his Instagram following, I used to check his life 360, and I’ve been checking in to Tinder to see if he changed his profile (I think something did change but I don’t know and I’m freaking out a little rn thus why I’m making this post.) This break was supposed to be for me to get better but it made me realize how bad I was even before this. Idk if we’ll stay together after this break but I do want to trust him I’m just scared to. If anyone else got over this or learned to at least chill any advice is appreciated.

I'm 37 and I feel like I still haven't found my people and only broken people like me will truly understand me and won't judge. I'm so tired of looking for such friends. Idk what this loneliness and brokenness is about. Would like to hear if anyone has experienced this

24F Diagnosed around 3yrs ago

A little about me/what I’ve been going through: (Hoping to reach some folks w similar experiences)

-attempting my best to build financial responsibility and mental stability after several years of bad decision making
-recently got out of a harmful on + off relationship that had been occurring for 2yrs (still have a lot of trouble navigating my thoughts/feelings ab it)
-have a lot of weird family dynamics but continue to support my family bc there’s no one else to. also I love my siblings
-find exercise + being outside to be some of the only things that soothe my nervous system
-also love reading + listening to music but sometimes I feel too mentally ill to properly enjoy it
-been cutting down on substance use slowly but still struggle a bit w/ my relationship with weed
-have a few friends I see from time to time but I have lost most of my close friendships because I wasn’t capable of maintaining them

Please let me know if you resonate with any of this, it would be nice to know others that understand how difficult it can be to pull yourself out of a deep dark pit.

If left untreated does it get worse with age? Does it get worse with alcohol? Can i justify cutting someone out of my life because of their bpd rage? How the heck do i not feel like a horrible person after everything that i just got accused of?

Whenever I’m dating someone, it’s nice and all, but I am so on edge just waiting for things to fall apart. I’m some ways the uncertainty and anticipation is almost worse then the break up itself because that I know is coming for certain.

In the breaking up phase with this girl I’ve been dating for a month (I’m also a girl.) She was really cool, and I liked her a lot, but I’ve split now anyway so I’m pretty detached from the situation (probably still gonna feel like shit at some point but oh well, cross that bridge when it comes). All I feel now is a relief, so I don’t have the keep stressing about when this was going to happen

i need mothers even fathers to tell me. how is it having children. my whole life i have wanted to be a mother to beautiful children but after being diagnosed im terrified of being the worst mother ever i dont want my kids to experience bullshit from a parent. how is mother/fatherhood for you guys? i need some stories to calm my nerves.

I’ve realized the reason why I’m so fucked up is not because people hurt me, I’m just sensitive and dramatic. The real reason is that I just probably shouldn’t be here, I make everyone’s life harder, I ruin everything for people and everyone would be better off without me. I just fuck up left and right and drag down everyone with me.. can be in someone’s life and completely devote myself to making their life happy as a person with feelings myself? Or is the only option to off? I just can’t make the people around me happy and I put all the burden of my feelings on people, feelings that aren’t valid why would I feel hurt when I’m actually worthless and a burden and why would I bother the people I love so dearly with that burden and make their life harder? I’m just a horrible person who hurts everyone and I’m useless for anything.

I want to start with this problem has been resolved so it’s all okay, I would love some advice on how to deal with moments like this.

So I accidentally had a giant split on one of my friends and said some really awfuk things abour our friend group. This has literally never happened before but I just can’t believe some of the horrid things I said, it’s like I completely blacked out and couldn’t stop. I just want to know if this is a universal BPD thing, I really am having a hard time not having these moments blow up in my face later.

I feel like a terrible human, I genuinely don’t remember what was said- just that it was bad. I just feel bad.

I’m not sure if this is a splitting scenario though. I’m in a wlw relationship. Basically my gf has been sick for over a week. I stay with her majority of the time but not everyday. Some days I go back to my parents home for certain things. I had 1-2 days where I wasn’t around this week and during the day I’ll be at work while she is resting at home (super bad flu). During this time, she would say she miss me yada yada etc and I do everything in my power to take care of her. I would pour a glass of water to put beside her bed before I leave work every morning, throw our dinner /lunch trash away, buy healthy dinner for her and eat them together with her, clean for her so on.

Today, she got slightly better but is still sick. She tend to be completely shirtless while in her room and she wanted me to do the same today. I didn’t want to because I was busy, the window is wide open (uncomfortable for me but fine for her). I didn’t do it and in between everything was fine because she was gaming and we were also watching netflix on the side while I was doing work. After about an hour, she started to bring it up again and asked why is my shirt still on, which I was like because I’m busy and the window is wide open. She threw petty unserious tantrum at first which eventually became a full on blow out, and she is now giving me the silent treatment. She said I don’t love her and always doesn’t do what she says. I got pissed after a while and retaliated by saying I don’t understand what she want from me because one small unserious issue could erased everything that I have done for her for the past week like I’m a useless partner. I said if there is anything I did as a partner that is not up to her expectations or comfort, then I don’t know what to do. In which she kept quiet but is still pissed and in silent treatment over.

I’m cool with it because I have been putting such things up for a while and got used to them, usually it will blow over in an hour or 2. If she wants to break up go ahead. But I’m just curious, does anyone partners do such things? Is this considered as splitting lol