i have recently read something about people (especially women) being misdiagnosed with BPD when they actually have cPTSD. Some are even saying that all personality disorders are false diagnoses and in fact the person has some form of cPTSD.
How much of this is true, and what are your thoughts on this discussion?

I’m not sure if this is a splitting scenario though. I’m in a wlw relationship. Basically my gf has been sick for over a week. I stay with her majority of the time but not everyday. Some days I go back to my parents home for certain things. I had 1-2 days where I wasn’t around this week and during the day I’ll be at work while she is resting at home (super bad flu). During this time, she would say she miss me yada yada etc and I do everything in my power to take care of her. I would pour a glass of water to put beside her bed before I leave work every morning, throw our dinner /lunch trash away, buy healthy dinner for her and eat them together with her, clean for her so on.

Today, she got slightly better but is still sick. She tend to be completely shirtless while in her room and she wanted me to do the same today. I didn’t want to because I was busy, the window is wide open (uncomfortable for me but fine for her). I didn’t do it and in between everything was fine because she was gaming and we were also watching netflix on the side while I was doing work. After about an hour, she started to bring it up again and asked why is my shirt still on, which I was like because I’m busy and the window is wide open. She threw petty unserious tantrum at first which eventually became a full on blow out, and she is now giving me the silent treatment. She said I don’t love her and always doesn’t do what she says. I got pissed after a while and retaliated by saying I don’t understand what she want from me because one small unserious issue could erased everything that I have done for her for the past week like I’m a useless partner. I said if there is anything I did as a partner that is not up to her expectations or comfort, then I don’t know what to do. In which she kept quiet but is still pissed and in silent treatment over.

I’m cool with it because I have been putting such things up for a while and got used to them, usually it will blow over in an hour or 2. If she wants to break up go ahead. But I’m just curious, does anyone partners do such things? Is this considered as splitting lol

So I’ve been in a few relationships over the years ans have been transitioning for a few years and at every time I’ve lost my fp I’ve also sort of detransitioned and retransitioned a few months later.
Is this something you guys have any experience with ?
I’m really not trying to be political here.
Just speaking about my experience as a woman with BPD.
And if so can y’all gimme some advice please it will really help.

i need mothers even fathers to tell me. how is it having children. my whole life i have wanted to be a mother to beautiful children but after being diagnosed im terrified of being the worst mother ever i dont want my kids to experience bullshit from a parent. how is mother/fatherhood for you guys? i need some stories to calm my nerves.

aaaaaaaa!

i am so tired of people telling me this! “think about being single the rest of your life. accept it. grieve that pain. then you’ll be free. it doesn’t mean you won’t find anyone!” WHY WOULD I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THAT! i don’t want to be free from needing love, because i want to be loved!

“once you’re comfortable with yourself and okay on your own, THEN you’ll be ready to find someone.” why do i have to suffer like that! why do i have to be so fucking alone before i’m worth being loved!

i don’t want to cope with being single! i don’t want to be content being single! i don’t want to have to give up the only thing i’ve looked forward to in life and “grieve it”! i want to fall in love and get married like everyone else! i want to stop being alone! i don’t want to be content like this!

eta: does anyone else get this? or just frustrated by the love yourself rhetoric in general?

my bf went really out of line today and i have to break up with him. he still resents past me where i was undiagnosed with bpd and i was extremely hurtful to him. he has every right to feel what he feels. but he’s been using the resentment to hurt me. he’s always irritated, annoyed, lashes out, avoids, etc at me. and i am so heart broken. we have been together for almost 3 years and he’s the first person to ever show me true love until recently. we were getting better as a couple after i got diagnosed and went into treatment but suddenly the resentment came right back 2 months ago and he’s just been getting worse. i don’t want to break up with him. i love him so so much. but i can’t handle it anymore. we talk tmr and i feel so heartbroken. i think about all our memories and he was my everything. everything reminds me of him. our cats and dogs, my clothes, our apartment, my necklace, my car, etc. we went through so much together and i am so sad i will probably not see him anymore and going from waking up with them everyday to nothing hurts so much. i have to move back to my parents and i just can’t. i’m in so much pain.

Me and my FP had a beautiful relationship, it was all going great, until they started struggling with their mental health, and slowly distanced themselves from me and everyone around us.
I spoke to them a million times about how they could count on me if they needed help. I offered to help them out with their problems and I always told them I was there for them. I talked to them about therapy.
They ignored all of my messages and simply said “thanks for understanding me I love you”.
After that I realised they didn’t want my help. And my therapist advised me to check on them constantly and keep the spark alive without being to insistent about their recovery. And so I did, but still they kept pushing me away (removing me from social media and etc).

I spoke to them for the last time last week, we even made plans for the next weekend. I texted them on Sunday to confirm and to see how they were doing. They ignored me completely and it’s been now a week and they didn’t reply to my messages.

I love my FP more than my own life and honestly this whole thing is driving me insane. I started having panic attacks so bad that I had to be taken to the emergency room and now I’m on a medication.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about committing and I’ve isolated myself from the outside world too.
I cry every night for hours and I mourn them as if they were dead. I know it’s only been a little longer than a week only. But this sudden change in their behaviour and them being gone is too much for me to handle. I can’t keep up with them disappearing every once in a while and coming back months later. This thing is slowly killing me

I’ve tried helping them get better but it’s clear that they don’t wanna involve me in this situation.

I feel constantly anxious and insecure to the point where I don’t wanna leave my house and all I do is cry all day looking at the pictures of us when we were together.
I had made them a gift for when I had the chance to see them, a beautiful handmade gift I made with so much love to make them feel better.
Now that box is sitting in the corner of my bedroom waiting for me to decide what to do with it.
My therapist told me that this isn’t personal and it isn’t about me and that I have no proof they don’t wanna see me or receive my gift, but ironically that’s the only thing I keep thinking.

I’m so exhausted and desperate to move on. But this is so difficult, it’s hard to go from soulmates to strangers in just one month. I wish I could do more for them but I can’t force them to receive my help nor can I force them to reply to my messages.
Now I feel stupid for crafting them a gift I thought they’d like and for buying stuff for our couples Halloween costume, I don’t think we are either going to dress up for Halloween nor they are gonna come over to get their gift.

I don’t wanna think about committing again. Sadly is all I do. I lost the love of my life and the person I had my whole life planned with. And I lost the only thing that made me happy.

I wanna move on from them but I don’t wanna leave them alone with all of this on their back. Idk what to do

I came here bc you people always understand me and never judge me, thanks for reading and any kind of support or advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️‍🩹

I’m feeling this sadness. I don’t know why. Nothing happened besides the inevitable doom of my country as second turn of elections approach. I’ve basically divorced my phone, I’m avoiding social media and only consume good, happy content, puppies and kpop. But I can’t stop feeling sad. I’m taking all my meds religiously.

I couldn’t go to therapy this week because of a killer migraine I had, but I’ve been feeling sad for a few days now.

I keep getting this feeling of claustrophobia, like I’m trapped in my own body and can’t breathe.

So for the last couple of weeks I have been going through a very rough episode of depression that I skipped school for a month straight cause I literally slept that whole month
The only time i got up was to go to the bathroom and I barely ate, I had 2hrs screentime and I genuinely couldn’t get out of bed. I felt empty that whole month and then a week ago I started attending again to school and I think where this is felt weird for me is when my friend said: “Girl, Do u have ADHD now?” because of how hyper I was
and what made me make this post is that Ive been feeling very weird nothing around me feels real i feel empty and i feel my head is empty its a weird feeling i have never felt this intense ever i haven’t slept for almost two days now I was off socials that month and now I’m back and I made this account specifically cause I wanted to chat with people IDK what my question is exactly but I just feel unreal and my heart is beating so fast right now and for the past two days i have been seeing things (?) no idea whats going on but i still dont feel sleepy at all or tired and idk im just in need to do anything i havent had this happen to me before so im wondering why this is happening out of nowhere

(25, F) I screamed at my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. Then I got really mad and broke some stuff. And now I can’t stop screaming every time we argue. And can’t stop throwing stuff, it scares him. I cuss at him, and tell him he’s horrible… I hate it. I, I just can’t seem to stop.

And it tears me down, because it’s been almost 2 years since I was like this. I used to have everything under control. I acted against emotions, I paused and breathe everytime I was angry, sad, insecure. I was so proud of not being what I used to be….

Now it all came back. I’m slowly turning into everything I swore I wouldn’t be anymore.

I’m so tired if being this way, it’s exhausting. And I just cant seem to stop. It sucks because my psychiatrist won’t give me any meds because she says there are no medication for BPD, and my psychologist is not really treating me for BPD. I starting to choose not to control my impulses. It scares me.

I don’t want to be the monster I used to be.

i recently relapsed self harm. i noticed something. why do i never feel that my self harm is valid unless it bleeds or i see white? why do i find myself putting myself above others whenever my self harm is more prominent than theirs? i know deep down this isnt a competition and we are all suffering but why does my brain seem to always make things out to be this way for me

I didn't mean to. I just don't think they were expecting it. Things have been going so well lately. I have a loving partner. I am getting back in touch with friends slowly. Even with family. But I'm not rushing myself.

The thing that made them cry was when I told them how I felt about myself. That with my partner, I'm not worried about her cheating on me, because I can see it would be "her loss" if she did. I'm not worried about my friends hating me because they're not forced to spend time with me, they can say no if they want and I can say no to them. I know I'm not disgusting or pathetic, because I took the time to get a nice haircut and I agree with my partner I am handsome.

I spent so long feeling like I was worthless. That I would never be good enough. It was my core wound. I took on soo much responsibility for everyone around me. And even for myself. I pushed myself to my limits and wondered why I broke. I never asked for help but I resented people who didnt give me it. I cataloged every weakness of my own but could never even put a word to any strengths. Not without soo much shame and guilt.

I'm not perfect. I mess up alot of stuff. But, I'm doing alot of stuff better. And I'm going to keep trying. My life is a life worth living. I finally believe that.

I’m still waiting for a diagnosis but I’ve been referred to a service through the NHS in order to get this looked at but the most I can do to summarise what’s been going on the last few months

This has been with me since I was a teenager possibly at a stretch maybe as a kid as well but I don’t remember much from my childhood so I can’t say for certain

But I’ve been suspecting I’ve had a personality disorder for a long time now and honestly it’s not that all surprising that when I told my GP about my thoughts and feelings and how much it affects every aspect of my life that they would turn around and tell me it’s BPD

I’ve always kept to myself and never told anyone about these intense thoughts and feelings because I was deathly afraid of being labelled as crazy or overreacting but this year and these last few months have felt like the tipping point for me where I genuinely felt extremely defeated and exhausted

I have previously thought I was suffering from depression and anxiety but even on medication for both of them I couldn’t help but feel so much worse on them to the point where I nearly followed through on isolating myself and destroying every relationship I have (I also got let go of my job because of it as well)

Honestly Im new to all of this and learning about bpd and how much of it I actually relate to is making me feel a lot less alone in this

Anyways I’m hoping I get an assessment soon just don’t know how long it’s gonna be and I kinda wanna find some ways to tide myself over until I finally get seen

now j don’t wanna sound like i’m self diagnosising or anything i have adhd so it could be me confusing that, but i genuinely its getting to a point in my life where i have to get therapy or figure out whats wrong with me. I feel like ive always aligned with BPD my mother and her parents had bipolar (not that it’s the same thing) but i see myself aligning with these traits of hating someone i love because of a small issue. If i dont have that love in front of me or proof that they love me i genuinely cannot comprehend that it’s real. I struggle a lot with self esteem but at the same time i feel like i can be the hottest person in the world (not literally but i hope you understand what i mean) i hate it because i have a bf and when i don’t feel loved or answered i spiral and go insane i don’t wanna be like that i don’t wanna hate someone one day and love them the next it’s exhausting and i know it’s wrong but i can’t help but spiral and believe everything that comes into my head as the truth? are these symptoms or do i just need help or am i a bad person? i am so so lost

I was thinking right now. I am struggling a lot in my relationship because just the things I would expect from my partner my intended husband doesn’t align with how he thinks and is wired. Especially around responsibilities before marriage we’re planning on getting married. It was supposed to be December but now he told me more like January February, and basically to him if we’re not married, I’m not his responsibility at all and at times it leaves me feeling very lonely, which I have told him. Granted I’m tying to respect that but at the same time the way I would love my favorite person to understand and love me in the way I like being loved. So I was wondering what if I just find somebody else with BPD and they be my favorite person and then I could still be in this relationship without feeling so empty at times.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis.

Knowing what I know now, my mom has always had a favorite person and a nemesis my entire life. I always thought she had ADHD, but she has excellent executive function and no binocular vision disorders.

She has done therapy on and off and a significant amount of self work. Her emotional dysregulation, and impulsivity could be attributed to a number of other disorders including a pretty severe concussion. Her fear of abandonment is pretty intense.

In the last 5-10 years, she definitely is exhibiting signs of dementia, but when I look into the past the most concerning symptoms were always present. She just managed to control them, keep them more hidden or her life was so much bigger they were harder to see, plus I don't remember people discussing this in the 70s and 80s.

I spoke to a number of her doctors and the term borderline has now been thrown about. I am afraid the doctors are missing the dementia now that it is kind of obvious that she has always had mild BPD. I'm her FP right now. My sister is out. She had the last decade and I was out.

I'm just sad I guess. I had no where else to post this. Thanks for reading.

Hello BPD friend
Anyone with BPD suffering with SH and SI , and if yes what medication are you taking that helps ease the symptoms? Would love to hear about your experiences and how do you feel after the medication

If left untreated does it get worse with age? Does it get worse with alcohol? Can i justify cutting someone out of my life because of their bpd rage? How the heck do i not feel like a horrible person after everything that i just got accused of?

Hello, everyone. I really need some advice because I feel confused and hurt, and I don't know how to handle this situation anymore.

How our friendship started

I have this friend (let's call her A). She was nice at first, but as our friendship grew closer, she started doing some strange things.

One day, another friend asked me about something that I had never told anyone except A. Naturally, I confronted A about it. Her response was something along the lines of, "Oh, she told me I would k!ll her," and she apologized. I forgave her after some time because I wanted to move on.

However, about four months later, something similar happened again, but this time it was worse.

The rumors she spread about me

A started making up completely false stories about me. For example, she claimed that I was "double-minded" (meaning someone who finds sexual meanings in ordinary things). The funny thing is that this is the complete opposite of how I actually am. In fact, A is more into that kind of stuff herself, so sometimes I wonder if she was projecting her own feelings onto me.

I was really upset, so I confronted her about it. At first, she didn't take responsibility for what she'd done or seem to understand why I was hurt.

After a few days of silence, she finally apologized. By that point, though, I no longer wanted to continue the friendship, so I started avoiding her.

But she turned herself into the victim

Later, another friend called me and told me that A had talked to her about what happened. Apparently, A was crying and saying that she was really traumatized because I wasn't talking to her anymore.

That honestly hurt me even more. It felt like she was so focused on how my reaction affected her that she completely overlooked the damage her rumors had caused me.

I felt like she was playing the victim instead of acknowledging what she'd done to me.

Eventually, I tried to patch things up with her. With time, things got better, and I even forgot about what had happened.

And now, it's happening again.

A few days ago, we were chatting as usual. Everything seemed fine. We were laughing and having a good time, and I had no reason to believe anything was wrong.

Then, suddenly, she messaged me saying that she didn't want to talk to me anymore.

I asked her what had happened, but she didn't reply.

For context, I have an anxious attachment style and fear of aboundment, so situations like this really mess with my head. I started overthinking everything and even contacted another friend to ask if she'd spoken to A. She said she hadn't.

After some time, A finally replied to me. However, she still wouldn't give me a clear explanation. At first, she said it was because of some personal issues and issues involving other friends. Eventually, she said it was because of her personal problems and because of me.

And that's where I'm completely confused. I genuinely don't understand what I've done to hurt her. As far as I know, I haven't done anything to her, and she hasn't explained what the problem is.

Why this hurts so much

I feel confused, betrayed, and hurt because I keep remembering all the things I've done for her.

I remember the times I comforted her when she was upset, even when I had my own work to do. I used to bring her gifts, even though she never really did the same for me. I respected her privacy and never shared her secrets with anyone.

I'm not saying I did these things expecting something in return, but it hurts to feel like I put so much care into this friendship while repeatedly ending up feeling hurt and confused.

What's even more frustrating is that she sometimes says things like, "I hurt you before, and now I don't want to hurt you again," but somehow, she still ends up hurting me.

She also goes silent without explaining what's wrong, leaving me to overthink everything. I don't know whether she's genuinely struggling with her personal issues, whether I've unknowingly done something wrong, or whether this has become an unhealthy pattern between us.

I know I probably need to let go, but how?

A part of me knows that I should probably walk away from this friendship, especially after everything that's happened. But because of my anxious attachment and fear of aboundment, it's incredibly difficult for me to deal with someone suddenly withdrawing from me without giving me a clear explanation.

I keep wanting answers, and I find myself thinking about everything over and over again. Even when I remember how much she's hurt me, I still struggle to detach myself emotionally.

So, for those of you who have dealt with similar friendships or have an anxious attachment style, how did you learn to let go of someone who repeatedly hurt you?

How do you stop overthinking when someone gives you the silent treatment? And how do you accept that you might never get a proper explanation or closure from them?

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation and move on without constantly feeling anxious or guilty.

Please don't DM me. I'd prefer to receive advice in the comments.

I’ve been in the best relationship recently.
He’s stable and sweet and provides me with the comfort I need and I ruined it.
I put past trauma on him, put binds on him with certain people because of past trust issues.
I’ll lash out and get upset and feel like he’s not considerate in certain situations.
His ex was super emotionless and so he’s not use to watching and responding to emotions sometimes. So when he struggles to react to my emotions I feel rejected and I’ll get upset or I’ll make comments and be snarky.
Then later I don’t feel any intense emotions surrounding the the thing he did that I thought was sooo hurtful that I had to bring him down because of it or make him feel not enough.

For example, he dropped me off after dinner and he left before I got even to the sidewalk. I thought it was really inconsiderate, felt I wasn’t good enough to wait for.
I absolutely exploded on text. Then after thinking back on it, it still bothered me but not enough to warrant a reaction like that. Like why didn’t I just simply ask him to wait till I got inside next time??

It’s just been small events like that and the arguments are constant. He says he losing himself and feels like he’s walking on eggshells, he gets nervous when I even ask if we have plans cause he’s scared he’ll say the wrong thing and I’ll blow up
Everything he said was completely valid and I agreed when he commented on things he dosent want that are happening now.
I don’t want to be like this or make him feel like this, our first few months were phenomenal, we clicked so well and it’s like we just fit. I feels like it was my bpd that made us go downhill cause I stopped being my own person and myself and morphed into someone that monitors him and keeps him under a magnifying glass.

I have a psychiatrist appointment to get on meds and hopefully start Dbt soon( I used to be on meds but stopped after my ex.)
I told him about the appointment and told him I’ll prove that we can be happy but he’s still deciding if he can continue things.
I just want to be happy and healthy and not manipulate myself into thinking one tiny thing means my partner hates me.
I guess I just want both reassure from anyone who’s also been through something similar. And ways to keep myself in check and not lash out so easily on things that I know won’t be worth it later.

Had a bpd related crash out at work last week and now I fear I have made a bad impression on my boss. my hours have been cut and she’s very cold to me now. tried to pick up more days and hours to make up for last weeks mistakes but I feel I’ve dug my grave. Just venting I guess.

i really struggled to regulate my emotions at work today. there is a woman i work with and i knew we weren’t exactly best friends, but i thought we got along okay. unfortunately i found out that she has been saying some really nasty things behind my back

To make matters worse, most of the people - but not all - at my job act like she’s the sweetest kindest girl ever. I’ve no idea why. She’s always been very gossipy.

after i found out what she’d been saying behind my back, i was fuming. when i was “cleaning” after she went home i picked up all of her shit that she’d lazily left around the registers for me to tidy up and i “accidentally” threw it in the trash then took the bag outside and put it in the bin. If she’d been there i would have confronted her. honestly i was slamming shit around all day making everyone else jump and i wanted to break something. i calmed down a bit once i got home, but i really dont want to see her at work tomorrow and get pissed off again

i dont really want to lose my job either, idk what to do. It’s really hard for me to keep control of my emotions when i feel angry like this. it’s like i want to get immediate revenge but i know from past experience i don’t feel good about it afterwards

Long story short; After 3,5 years of best friendship, my best friend suddenly messaged me that he’s ending the friendship with barely any context other than that it’s because I have a hard time being on time, that I respond to messages late, that I sometimes cancel our calls and that I’m very low energy during our hangouts lately. He said that it made him feel deeply hurt and disrespected. He doesn’t want to talk it out, he doesn’t want to hear me out, he told me that he didn’t want to give more context cause “I was there when it happened and I need to reflect on it myself” and is now avoiding me like the plague to the point of pushing me out of a certain mutual social group that we have. On my end it feels like he’s outright treating me like I’m evil and did something fucked up to him, and people who don’t know me that well who see him treating me this way will probably think the same of me. Especially if they’ve never seen him do this to another person ever. As a person with a DEEP trauma of abandonment, this is messing me up SEVERELY as it is all my deepest nightmares come true and I don’t know what to do. It’s been about 3 months and my heart is still deeply broken with no signs of healing from this at all.

I found out about splitting a couple days ago and learning about it has made me feel slightly more at ease and made me feel less insane that I might ACTUALLY be secretly evil and fucked up without me knowing. It also made me empathize with him a lot more after being EXTREMELY devastated and very angry at him for treating me this way. I’m not sure if he has been diagnosed with BPD or actually has it, but the splitting is definitely something he has dealt with in the past in hindsight. Any advice on how to deal with this? Do I try to talk it out with him again? (It’s been about 3 months at this point). Do I confront him about pushing me out of social groups? Do I let it go (to a degree)?

For extra context if needed: both of us have been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and both of us have some heavy trauma. For the past year I have been going through a deep depression and autistic burnout. Hence the “low energy” on my end, cancellation due to overstimulation and fatigue, being late due to dissociation, etc. He knows about this, as I have explained it to him many times during my apologies.

(That last extra context is extra painful, as it genuinely made me feel like he’s punishing me for something that’s already punishing enough which I have no control over… )

I’m mad at my partner right now and it’s making me rethink everything.

We are long distance. I called him during a time we had planned to call because we have a busy day where we won’t talk much and for whatever reason it didn’t go through. I was upset but fine before I talked to him. I told him I needed better communication, he cleared up the fact that it was an accident. After that we called and he noticed something was off so I told him I was still angry and my BPD was making my body react even though my head knows it was an accident. He made me talk it out, which is something I appreciate, and I should feel better, but I don’t, because he wasn’t soft and feeling when he was telling me that he didn’t pick up, it felt almost accusatory. Like he was upset that I was upset and was trying to get me to back off. I realistically know that he doesn’t get soft like I do ever, and his way of making me feel seen is by being firm with his emotions. But The rest of the call he just kinda brushed it off and I felt like he was annoyed. That makes me rethink our whole relationship and I’m splitting pretty bad. Are we just incompatible because my BPD makes it difficult to be with me and he can’t put forth the effort to meet my impossible needs?

my bpd has resulted in a lot of bad things this year; a lot of hurt relationships, ones that meant a lot to me, a lot of poor decisions, and has left me in a pit not knowing how to make my way out.

i'm scared that my actions then and the consequences i continue having to pay afterwards are going to stick to me forever, and that i'll never be able to change and will just be left in the dust. i'm paranoid that my friends are replacing me due to this, or that i can't land a job to find my footing.

is it even possible to grow and change with this condition that feels like it's ruined my life?