Hi Reddit. For context, my parents are covering wedding costs. My mom is also desi and I’m an only child so as much as I would like otherwise, I don’t need advice on how to handle my mom (there is no way to handle her lol) I am excited for the wedding but me and my partner are going along with a lot to give her her “dream wedding” that’s she has envisioned for me. Don’t get me wrong, it will be beautiful but the guest list is being taken over by family. I don’t have as big of a social circle so fiancé especially is feeling bummed about limiting amount of friends invited. He also has a bio mom, step mom and dad so lots of fam. I had a thought. What if he and I threw a “wedding sequel rager” for friends only maybe a month from the actual wedding. Informal but have plenty of food and drinks. Tons of dancing and karaoke. No gifts, no formality. Has anyone done this before and would friends feel offended about not being invited to the main wedding.

Want to get it done quick, thanks!

Feeling a bit concerned as I booked my wedding photographer a couple of months ago (wedding is Fall 2027) based on her photos on instagram and some galleries she sent me. I love her instagram posts, but I decided to snoop more through her page this week and after clicking “see more” on all of her captions I realized at the bottom almost every post says “second shooter for (tagged photographer)” and many of the posts that don’t disclose second photographer, I realized they are actually a styled shoot for many photographers/vendors, not a real wedding.

When I booked her, I knew some of her work that I loved was her second shooting, she assured me she shot and edited them so I was honestly fine with it. It’s only now that I’m starting to realize it is the vast majority of her instagram and her website portfolio. She sent 4 galleries before I booked her, which I assumed they were her as the lead at the time but now I realize 2 were her work as a second shooter, 1 was a styled shoot, and 1 is a mystery but I assume maybe she was the lead?

A huge part of my anxiety is coming from the 4th gallery. It seems to be a different style and quite frankly worse photos than the rest of her work that I’ve seen. It’s not what I would expect based from her instagram, and there are NO sign of these photos on any of her socials, so I assume maybe she knows it isn’t her best work. I wrote it off as being a gallery from when she was less experienced but now looking closer I see it was just from January 2026…

Also I paid a bit more for her than some of the other photographers I was looking into, because I thought she was more experienced but now I worry that’s not the case ($6000 for 8 hours of photo and videographer + a second shooter)

I’m starting to fear if she has much experience as a lead at all?😭 I know she can take a pretty photo, but am I overreacting to be concerned about her ability to pose, direct, shoot and entire wedding as the lead?

Hello,

I am getting married (hurray), and I was thinking about my dessert table. I am currently expecting around 80 guests, and I am having both cupcakes and cider donuts. At my sister's wedding she ordered enough cupcakes for her guests, but still ended up taking several dozens of cupcakes home. I don't want a ton of desserts to go to waste, so I was thinking about getting 48 cupcakes and 48 donuts. Will that be enough? Or should I get more?

****EDIT***

Well this has been an interesting conversation! I've learned that it's not common, but many venues do check bags and it's usually because they've had a bad experience with guests smuggling things in and causing trouble (probably not cookies though lol). I guess I'll just have to deal with it. I wasn't planning to bring any alcohol or drugs in. I just don't like people going through my things, but I put up with it at the airport so I guess I can put up with it at a wedding venue too. Honestly, its very on brand for this wedding party experience, which has been a nightmare from day one, so at least it's consistent 😆

Thanks everyone!

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I hope this is ok to post here. I'm in a wedding next week I'm hoping to find out if this is normal behavior for a venue.

The venue sent an email a yesterday saying that the wedding party's bags are subject to search upon arrival. This seems like an wild invasion of privacy and kind of bizarre. I've planned events for work at similar size venues and I've never been asked to have my bag searched for an event. I've also been involved in a fair number of weddings and never heard of a policy like this. Interestingly, the venue specifically said in their email that they won't search our bags without us present, but there are reviews from a few years ago where people's bags were searched while they weren't in the room and the venue confiscated someone's bag because there was a bottle of wine in it.

Anyway my question is, how outside the bounds of normal is this for a wedding venue?

For reference, it's a 200 person venue, in the U.S., and fairly fancy. The venue company does the catering and bar as well, which of course costs extra. Seems odd to require a bag check for someone who is giving you thousands of dollars to rent a space for a private event. But that's just my take. Thanks in advance for your input.

We're getting married next week, and I'm so excited, but also overthinking absolutely everything! 😂

We're having a humanist ceremony that will last around 20 minutes before we get to the vows. We agreed that our vows would be around 3–5 minutes long, and mine are just about 5 minutes when read aloud. So they're at the longer end of what we agreed on, but this is honestly one of the parts of the wedding I'm most excited about.

I've included my vows below! Just a little context: I originally wrote them in Spanish, and I'll be delivering them in Spanish. This is an English translation for this subreddit (and for a little booklet we're putting together for our English-speaking guests).

I'm slightly worried that they're too long, boring, or maybe just a bit too much? Haha. I think I'm just feeling extra self-conscious about being too intense (?)

I'd really appreciate your honest opinions! Do they feel like a good length for wedding vows, and do they keep your attention? I'd love to hear your thoughts! ❤️

Vows:

My beloved X,

Look how far love has brought us.

Eleven years later, we are back where it all began, surrounded by our favourite people, celebrating everything we have built together.

I still remember the first time I saw you. You were walking through the corridors of our university and, even though I didn't know you yet, something told me you were going to be very important to me. A couple of months later, we started talking, and the rest is history.

My nineteen-year-old self thought the universe had conspired to bring us together. I can be the most indecisive person in the world, but with you, I felt a certainty I didn't need to understand.

I met you when so much of who we are today was still only a possibility, when our lives were measured in university classes and adulthood still seemed a long way off.

Since then, we have been through so much: three years of long distance, airports, goodbyes, a pandemic spent apart, and changes of plans, countries and dreams.

Life has changed us so much. But through all that change, you have always been there.

I have had the extraordinary privilege of watching you grow into new versions of yourself that I increasingly admire. And I have also been lucky enough to grow alongside you, and because of you.

Sharing these years by your side has taught me that there are no shortcuts to the happy times.

The life we have today didn't appear out of nowhere. We built it.

We haven't always had the right words, or known how to get through things. But we have learnt something that means so much more to me: how to find our way back to each other, as one finds their way home.

Thank you for loving me so gently.

For helping me understand myself better. For reminding me that my words and dreams have power. For always making room for my feelings and thoughts. For listening when I talk too much, for staying close when I don't know how to express what I feel, and for making me feel that I can show you even the parts of myself I am still learning to understand.

With you, I can be completely myself. And I can be a terrible dancer, too.

Thank you for laughing at all my silliness and for always making me laugh until my laugh becomes, as you say, far too unhinged for a millionaire.

But above all, thank you for the little ways you take care of me that perhaps no one else sees. For making me breakfast every morning so I can get to work on time, and for making the hardest part of my day those five minutes it takes me to say goodbye to you.

I love you for who you are.

I love the way you see the world and how there is always something new you want to learn about. I love that you never take what you know for granted, that you are always willing to question your own assumptions and how you are always growing into an even better version of yourself.

I love the care you take in choosing your words, because I know how much it matters to you to be fair and thoughtful with them. I love the way you love the people around you, with a loyalty and generosity I deeply admire.

Today, I don't want to promise you a perfect life. Nor do I want to promise that we will never make mistakes or that we will always know what to say.

I want to promise you something more important: to stand by your side without ever allowing our love to become a cage.

I want us to remain two whole people, free to grow, to change, and to pursue new dreams or new versions of ourselves.

May we grow as equals.

May respect always be our shelter and our guide.

May being together remain, time and time again, a choice that is good for both of us.

I promise to listen to you, even when it would be easier to defend myself.

I promise to choose our “us” without neglecting who I am or who you are.

I promise to reach for you rather than retreat.

I promise to be there when you need support, someone to vent to, or advice.

And to share with you my joys, my achievements and, in a gesture of love and generosity that I hope you will appreciate, my future lottery winnings. Even after that little disagreement over the twenty pounds that were quite clearly mine.

I don't know exactly what the future will look like, but I know I want to discover it with you.

I want to keep trying to win our “I love you more” battle at exactly midnight, even though after eleven years, neither of us is willing to admit defeat.

I want to keep coming home and finding you there.

Because finding each other was incredible. But staying together has been even more wonderful.

Today, in front of the people we love most, I choose you all over again.

I choose you as you are today and as you will be tomorrow, freely, with respect, and with the certainty that I want to keep discovering life by your side.

My love, my support and my care will always be a source of strength for you.

And even when life shakes us, you will always have in me a friend, a companion, a wife, and an “I love you”.

As long as we keep choosing each other.

And for as long as we're given.

I love you.

My long time friend and cousin are getting married same weekend in a few weeks. Both are important people that I’ve been through a lot with in my life and we have supported each other throughout our ups and downs.

One I’ve rsvpd for since about a month or so ago. The other was just sprung up and announced.

One is a full wedding with reception and the other one is a laid back, reception only event with family.
They are starting at the same time and are 2 hours driving distance apart.

Would it be appropriate to go to ceremony and part of cocktail hour for one and then leave and go to my cousins reception?

Or is it too late and I should stick to the one I rsvp’d for? I’d love to find some way to celebrate and be with both but don’t want to be rude.

Oak and ember films is associated with a man named Brandon Carter. This is his eighth business name because he keeps scamming brides through wedding video and photography. Avoid using OAK AND EMBER films. I’m listing a picture of their social media. His last business was Aspen and rock and he is currently serving time in prison for scamming brides over the last couple years. He plan to reopen oak and ember films in 2027 when he is released. Heed this warning ‼️‼️‼️

I am looking for some thoughts on distance between ceremony and reception and some ideas of making a more casual wedding fun!

We are having an afternoon wedding in November of next year in Arizona. Our ceremony is at 1pm and we were thinking of starting the reception at 3pm which we are having in a private area of a nice/cute restaurant where my fiance and I LOVE the food and drinks. We are going to do parent dances and a first dance, but other than that want it to be more of a dinner-party-hangout-vibe rather than late night dancing (especially since the reception will be from 3-7pm). We will start with passed appetizers and then buffet dinner at 4:30/5pm. I don’t want to do a seating chart. There will be an open bar of course, and we are going to keep the guest list under 100. We’re in our early 20s, and the guest list is made up of close friends and family ranging from 16-85. What can we do to keep the energy high? One of my ideas is playing cards on the tables, but other than that I’m drawing a blank. I’m open to ANY IDEAS AT ALL.

The other challenge of my wedding is that the reception is a 30 min drive from the ceremony. I personally feel like everywhere I drive in Phoenix is 30 min away, so my fiance and I don’t really mind but obviously that’s hard on our out of town guests. We are going to get a hotel block near the reception and I think I might have a driving service take people from the ceremony to the reception. Does this alleviate the driving issue enough so that they only have to get transportation one way?

I’m open to literally any opinions on any aspect of my wedding. I’m the oldest daughter, my parents eloped 30 years ago, and my fiance is the oldest son, so we have 0 experience.

EDIT: I’ll do a seating chart. And “high energy” is the wrong word, I just want people to enjoy themselves and not feel like they are sitting around for hours at a dinner without me having to entertain them the whole time.

I am currently in the throes of wedding planning. To add to the pressure we are having a rushed wedding because we learned a baby girl is coming in March!! (We are more than thrilled with this news). Anyhow between the sudden wedding, baby and a recent job chance I’m soooo overwhelmed. MIL keeps asking for help but either she goes way off the rails with her suggestions (she’s suggested to switch venues 8 weeks before the wedding date) or she’s just not contributing in a meaningful way. I asked if she could help with tabletop decor because it’s the one thing I just can’t seem to get to. She sent me a text today with some absolute plastic Amazon garbage. It didn’t feel like a meaningful attempt to come up with a creative table decor- typing “fall flower decor” into Amazon is pretty low effort. I understand she uses more plastic landfill decorations and I was concerned about her putting together something pretty similar decor but I told myself since it’s a special once-in-a-lifetime day maybe she’d put more effort in….I wasn’t rude to her at all about it, i understand people have different tastes and ideas which is perfectly fine- but I wanted to give feedback in a collaborative way to ensure we’re on the same page. All I said was “oh I am leaning more towards dried flowers over plastic ones”.. she reacted like a child and accused me of saying she was just going to mess things up and I should just pick out the decorations myself…..great…even more work for the bride to do….i don’t know how to have her help out other than just a reasonable monetary contribution….. all her input/suggestions so far has been pretty off. It sucks because I could really use help and I don’t mind guiding or steering her towards the visions I’m having for my wedding but not if she’s going to act like a child. I’m not being Bride-Zilla or anything lol. Anyhow here’s her suggestion vs mine. Mine would obviously be more pricey but it wouldn’t break the bank or anything, the decor is pretty low key and classy.

Hi all, so I come from an Asian background, in our traditional weddings the brides hair is usually up in a bun. Family is very old fashioned so I just went with it to not cause any issues with relatives, etc. I really do wish I had a wedding photo with my hair straight down, as I’m trying to pick one to frame and hang up in my living room, but I just don’t like how my hair looks in any of them. I used Gemini to alter one of them where my hair is down and I love it, but husband is saying it’s weird to hang up a photo that’s not even real. Everything else looks exactly the same, only change is my hair is down instead of up in a bun. What do you guys think, should I just go with the actual photo which I don’t really like, or go with the altered “fake” one

(Cross posted from r/weddingplanning)

Because I am currently in the process of planning our Jack & Jill party and was searching around this subreddit to get ideas, I'd like to put out a PSA regarding what these things are, based on some of the comments and responses I've been seeing calling them "trashy," "cheap" and all the names under the sun.

A Stag Party (or just a "Stag"), in the United States, (I know they're more common in the UK) is a very regional thing. Where I'm from (Connecticut), they are extremely common, particularly in Italian-American and Portuguese-American communities. They are male-only parties whose entire purpose is to make cash. They are usually organized by the groomsmen and charge a ticket fee per person (typically $20-$40) to attend. Stags have food, usually an open bar, and typically have raffle prizes that raffle tickets are sold for. It is normal, in fact EXPECTED, for people who are not invited to the wedding itself to be invited to and attend the Stag. My fiancé, who is 100% Italian-American, attends at least half dozen of these a year. They are unapologetically a fundraising & community event, and always a fun time.

In recent years, it has become more and more of a trend in my community to make Stags gender-inclusive, renaming them "Jack and Jills." Everything remains the same, including the tickets, raffles, etc., except people of all genders attend. Once again, it is extremely normal for people not invited to the wedding to attend these. They are usually "open invite" events that anyone can come to. I've been to a few Jack and Jills this year and had a great time at all of them, despite only being invited to one of the actual weddings.

Once again, I recognize that this is a hyper-regional thing, and that not everyone will understand the custom. I simply ask that this subreddit (and in real life) take a moment to consider differences in customs before jumping to name-calling and calling others' cultural and community events "trashy." Maybe it is to you, and that's fine, if that's what you think. But others' customs are not inferior to yours simply because you are not used to them, or view them as a "cash grab."

With all that said... anybody have any good ideas for indoor Jack & Jill games and raffles? 😅

My fiancé proposed over the weekend in VA. We are over the moon excited and want to celebrate with our friends, but we are saving for the wedding itself and don’t know how long that process will take. We’re expecting probably 4 years before the wedding, to give ourselves ample time to save up money and fully plan a wedding. Additionally, we live in FL but think it’s highly likely we’ll get married in VA, and that’s over 15 hours away by car. Since the wedding is so far away, both time and location wise, I want to be able to celebrate with our friends now.

Would it be weird to have our own engagement party now, when we really don’t know much about how the actual wedding will look and when it might actually happen? What are the rules and etiquette for this kind of situation?

My bartenders are getting paid by us, 30 dollars an hour in our contract. Our coordinator says a “portion” of service fee on our contract goes to them for gratuity. The also can set out a tip jar.
Do we tip them any additional money?

My second question is our catering.. I’ve seen multiple options for this: you tip 10-20 percent of your food bill (which is so crazy), you tip a certain amount per worker, or you tip a flat fee and let the catering company split it. Which one seems like a more appropriate option? Our dinner is plated, so there will be servers.

I got married recently, and while the wedding itself was beautiful and we had a great day overall, I’m really struggling with our photos.
I had envisioned looking a certain way on my wedding day, with soft, beautiful hair and natural, soft glam makeup. But looking at the photos, I feel like my hair looks flat and greasy, and my makeup looks shiny and nothing like what I had hoped for. I know this probably sounds superficial, but I honestly feel so ugly in most of the photos, and it’s been really upsetting.

The morning of the wedding was also pretty stressful. One of my sisters, who was a bridesmaid, showed up an hour and a half late to get ready without apologizing. When I explained that I was upset, she ended up leaving, which made an already emotional morning even harder. Now when I look at some of the photos of us together, I feel like I can actually see how unhappy and uncomfortable I was standing next to her.

There are some photos I genuinely like, and I know the day was about so much more than how I looked. But I spent so much time planning everything, and I really wanted to feel beautiful on my wedding day. Instead, I keep picking myself apart every time I look through the gallery.

I think part of what makes it harder is knowing I can’t go back and change any of it. These are the photos I’ll have forever, and I wish I could just look at them and feel happy instead of focusing on everything I don’t like about myself.

Has anyone else felt this way after getting their wedding photos back? Did you eventually come around to loving them, or at least stop being so critical of yourself? I’m really hoping this feeling passes because I don’t want my memories of such an important day to be overshadowed by how disappointed I am in my appearance.

I'm finally getting around to leaving glowing reviews for (some of) the vendors who really impressed us on the day! Not sure it matters, but between The Knot, WeddingWire, Google reviews, and Yelp, where is a positive review most appreciated these days? For instance, I feel like WeddingWire was previously the hot place to look for wedding info but has fallen off these days, so wanted to put my review in a place where the vendor feels like more potential clients are likely to get eyeballs on it.

Separately, trying to decide whether I'd feel bad leaving a critical review for a small business who really let us down, but were very kind to us on a personal level. Nothing intentionally malicious but just kind of terrible from the perspective of the services provided. Anywho, that's a different pickle lol

UPDATE : Y'all rock. I'll talk to DH in a couple of days, see what's in his head and if I can bring him around. If he digs his heels in (which would be totally out of character), I'll be gifting the kids money out of my own account to use as they wish, no strings attached.Thank you all VERY much for your insights!

29 yo son is engaged 🎉. Wedding in a year. DIL's family is huge, local to them, and inviting them all is How They Do Weddings, apparently. Since MOTB is requiring massive guest list, MOTB is giving the kids $10K towards the wedding. This makes their budget "$10,050, plus or minus $50."

Son is working his way through college, future DIL (whom we adore) doesn't have a great income -- they get by but as zoomers in this economy get by is about all they do.

I think hubby and I should match the $10K - we have it, and I have visions of the kids stressed out of their minds trying to throw a 100-guest wedding on $10K. They're frugal and creative, but can you even pull that off these days?

Hubby disagrees, says they haven't asked (true), thinks we shouldn't interfere, let them try to manage and then either give them $ if they ask or give them $$ as a wedding gift of they don't.

We make financial decisions together, we're very very solid with each other. I just think he's wrong. The kids have already asked for tips on reducing costs (we did a 100 person wedding for $7K back in the early 90s by calling in every favor we were ever owed {split 3 ways between us and each set of parents}).

Should I dig in my heels on this? Ask my son privately? Let them ask if they need the help? Opinions please, and TIA.

This has been so hard to figure out since between two of our venues one offers just consumption and one offers open for a certain amount per hour. How do you know what will be the cheaper option? Our families aren’t big drinkers but there are a handful that will probably have close to 8 drinks as the outliers. How do you decide which one is the most cost friendly?

Edit: we are planning on 100 people give or take. The drink package we like for open bar would be $41/pp for 3 hours or $45/pp for 4 hours. If we did consumption it looks like each drink would max be $14

Bit of a story here.

I am set to get married in a little over a year. It's going to be a very small wedding and reception (~35 guests), mostly immediate family.

A few years ago, I (28 m) had a friend (we'll call him Jack) who I hadn't know for long move in with me, and then his boyfriend (we'll call him Miles) moved in as well. The friendship with Jack turned sour, he was very narcissistic and negatively impacting my life, but Miles I consider to honestly be my best friend - it's a shame we met how we did. Now obviously I want Miles at my wedding, but know that putting a hard no on Jack will potentially cause a break in the friendship - which is sad, but I'm prepared if it comes to that. I've already urged Miles to break up with Jack in the past as I believe their relationship is very toxic and Miles is being used. It's Miles' first real relationship as well so I think he has so "fear" of leaving sadly. I do not talk to Jack at all, only Miles now, but Jack does try to contact me fairly often.

How would you best go about this? Obviously I'm going to be honest and upfront, but want to make sure it doesn't come across any worse than I'm anticipating.

Thanks in advance for any advice, I know there isn't a clear cut answer but just using this as a sounding board.

What are popular non-alcoholic choices beyond soda, water, juice? We have no plans to serve non-alcoholic "wine/beer" and have the alcoholic selection somewhat narrowed down. What has been a hit at weddings and events you have attended? Do guests enjoy milk tea, lemonade, Shirley Temples or something else entirely?

ETA: for those suggesting generic mocktails, what are your specific suggestions? Not all results on Google are actually non-alcoholic.

Hi, I need some help with picking bridesmaid colors! I thought I had it figured out, but I can't decide now 🤣 I was thinking about something like one of the first two photos for the vibe, but then I put some swatches together and can't decide. My fiancé hates the ecualyptus swatch and says it looks gray in some lights, so he wanted me to maybe try a dusty sage or something similar to see if it's lighter. We kind of like the lighter colors to break up the dark, but we also kind of like it without the light color. I'm just confused lol. Please help 😆

Why is it so hard to find winter wedding venues that aren't like 40k.

I’m in the home stretch. Wedding is this Saturday. I have been sick for the last month (including a hospitalization), so planning and packing has been put to the wayside. I’m still sick with bronchitis and laryngitis and hoping the antibiotics and steroids kick in before this weekend. I just feel so weak.

My fiancée is amazing and willing to do anything. We are getting married 2 hours away so there is a ton of stuff to transport and I cannot forget anything. I’m trying to make packing lists and label all of my totes to keep it organized and he will load.

I also have a wedding coordinator who will do the decorating. Plus family and friends I know that will pitch in.

It’s just hard because I have dreamed of this for so long and now I’m just too sick to enjoy it or get ready.

Hi all! My partner and I both have autism and are atheist. We both feel quite overwhelmed with planning because we do not understand what happens at a non-religious wedding. my partner has never been to one, i havent been to one since I was a small child and it was a jewish wedding. besides the big kiss and the after party.... what is the normal thing to do? i understand we can choose to do or not do basically anything with the wedding, but that is honestly making it much much harder to figure out what the process is supposed to be like when we dont have a religious background to be drawing from

edit: I wasn't expecting so many replies, but I am reading them all!! Thank you for your outlines on your own non-religious weddings especially :-) I understand much better what base we are modifying, if that makes sense

Venue A has everything that I want which is a view and allowing cold sparks inside. It offers an inside outside vibe. But the only thing is that the venue space inside like the ballroom is so narrow and I don't like the layout.

Venue B does not allow cold sparks but has a better view and is inside and outside. I also don't like the layout as much but it's way more pretty.

Venue C is a regular hotel ballroom. No view. But I love the layout. It's wide enough for more dancing and vibes. But I would need to drive somewhere else an hour away to get a view for photos and then an hour back to the venue.

What should I do? :( How did you all pick your venues? This really is so frustrating lol. I get that there is no perfect venue but omg this is hard.