have you ever heard girls talking about how “don’t you hate when you compliment a girl and they just look at you crazy?”

well i was washing my hands and looking in the mirror when the girl next to me complimented one of my accessories. it took me a second to process and i was also kind of tired and out of it. but i told her “thanks i appreciate it.”

I’m not even sure if i came off as enthusiastic or as nice as i wanted to, i don’t remember if i even smiled. i honestly think i was monotone ish when i said it, and i just kinda kept thinking about it hoping she didn’t misunderstand my tone for sarcasm and that i didn’t come off like one of those girls that just look at you crazy when you compliment them😭😭

to the girl who complimented my cheetah print star earrings, i’m genuinely sending you sm love 👩‍❤️‍👩

I just need to rant a little. Looking back I find it so strange how I was treated by some of my friend’s parents as a kid.

I understand that social interactions go both ways. I was definitely an unusual kid, most definitely rude at times, but it just pisses me off because the crucial piece is that we’re talking about like 8 year old me here, and these adults had beef with me. It’s weird, I don’t like how often I had to put up with weird vibes from friends’ parents going over their houses, and having to navigate that so often. It wasn’t every friend’s parents, but it was enough.

And I don’t know what they wanted from me. I had one friend tell me his parents openly told him not to be my friend. Why are you trying to separate your kid from someone they naturally gravitate towards? And more importantly, you need to accept that if your kid is probably neurodivergent too if they’re friends with me 🤣. It makes me mad, it’s just a sore subject right now because I had a friend recently tell me his parents asked if we really had anything in common, and it pissed me off thinking about what their angle was asking that question. Thanks

Being a neurodivergent girl is really hard sometimes, especially as someone who’s high masking and somewhat conventionally attractive, “acting” neurodivergent always comes with the fear of people thinking I’m faking and or attention seeking. It comes with a lot of shame even when people do support you. Especially now that I’m in highschool, I’m within more of a “popular” group of kids while in middle school it was a little easier for me to unmask and be weird at my small school.

I just wanna talk abt my hyperfixations and stim in peace without feeling eyes on me or constantly getting called autistic. I feel so much shame that I used to never feel. My mother also brings up how I used to not be like this when I was younger. She laughs when my friends call me autistic or sped.

I loathe school. I hate masking. I hate when I have no choice but to unmask in front of everyone. I’m constantly checking myself, can people see me stimming? Am I walking weird? Holding my arms weird? I’m not diagnosed with autism, but I have ADHD and a lot of overlapping traits. It’s just hard for me sometimes. I feel like as a girl it’s a little extra hard, especially being a POC too. I feel like an attention seeker and like I don’t deserve the accommodations. I wish I was a white dude a lot of the time

I’ve lived long enough to know why our lives are so challenging…we are humanities minority report.
Nature favored the NT mind because attentiveness and competitive social appraisal was better for survival.
But it still left blind spots.
That is what we are. They see what we miss but we see what they miss.
This is not to say they can’t see what we see or opposite. It means the information that leaps out as priority is different, so it’s familiar only in hindsight.
Ever have an NT person share some human
Or social
Insight and you be like “huh?” But still understand?
That’s how our insights feel to them.

We need each other. Please don’t hurt yourself or anything. We have hope.

I've spent a lot of my life trying to understand things that other people might not even think twice about. Having ADHD, my mind can jump between thoughts, make connections, and revisit situations over and over. I've found myself replaying conversations in my head, thinking about the way someone said something, comparing their words to their actions, and wondering why certain situations keep happening even when the people involved say things are going to change.

For a long time, I didn't always know what to do with those thoughts. Sometimes I questioned myself. I wondered if I was overthinking, being too sensitive, or reading too much into things. Other times, I had a feeling that something wasn't adding up, but I couldn't fully explain why I felt that way. It could take me experiencing the same situation more than once before I started recognizing the pattern.

Some of the hardest lessons I've learned have come from relationships and experiences that left me confused, hurt, or questioning my own judgment. I've had to look back at situations and ask myself why I didn't recognize certain things sooner, why I kept trying to understand someone else's behavior at the expense of understanding my own feelings, and why I sometimes needed so much clarity from people who weren't necessarily willing or able to give it to me.

Those experiences forced me to look inward. Instead of only focusing on what other people were doing, I started trying to understand myself, too. I wanted to know why certain things affected me so deeply, why I reacted the way I did, and how my own emotions, expectations, and past experiences influenced the way I interpreted situations.

Over time, I began consciously teaching myself emotional intelligence. I worked on identifying my emotions instead of just reacting to them. I tried to understand the difference between what I was feeling, what I was assuming, and what I could actually observe. I learned to question my first interpretation of a situation without automatically dismissing my instincts, and to consider other people's perspectives without abandoning my own.

One of the biggest things I've worked on is recognizing patterns in people's behavior. I pay attention to whether someone's actions consistently match their words, whether they take accountability when they hurt someone, whether their behavior changes after a difficult conversation, and whether the same problems continue to happen despite repeated promises that things will be different.

I've learned that one isolated moment doesn't necessarily tell you everything about a person. People have bad days, make mistakes, struggle to communicate, and sometimes act in ways that don't reflect who they want to be. But when certain behaviors continue to repeat themselves over time, I think it's important to pay attention to them rather than constantly explaining them away.

At the same time, I've had to learn that recognizing a pattern doesn't automatically mean I understand someone's intentions. I can notice behavior without knowing exactly why someone behaves that way. I can acknowledge how something affects me without assuming I know everything happening inside another person's mind. For me, becoming more emotionally intelligent has also meant learning to sit with uncertainty and accept that I won't always have every answer.

I think that's an important part of the growth I've experienced. I don't want to become someone who assumes the worst about people or believes every feeling is proof that something is wrong. I want to be someone who can observe, reflect, communicate, and make thoughtful decisions based on what actually happens over time.

Sometimes I wonder how much of this is connected to having ADHD. My mind can move quickly between ideas, and I sometimes notice connections between different situations that I hadn't consciously put together before. But I also know that ADHD affects everyone differently, and I can't say that my experiences are necessarily caused by it. Some of what I've learned may come from my personality, some from experience, and some from deliberately working on myself.

What I do know is that I've put a lot of effort into developing this part of myself. Emotional intelligence wasn't something I simply woke up one day possessing. It's something I've tried to build through self-reflection, difficult conversations, mistakes, and experiences that made me question what I thought I understood about myself and other people.

And honestly, there's a vulnerable side to that, too. Sometimes I wish I hadn't needed certain experiences to learn the lessons I've learned. I wish some things hadn't hurt as much as they did before I understood what was happening. But I also recognize that I've grown from those experiences, and I don't want to overlook the work I've done to become more self-aware.

I think one of the most difficult things about personal growth is learning to trust yourself again while still being willing to admit when you're wrong. It's learning that you can acknowledge your own mistakes without invalidating your feelings, and that you can understand someone else's struggles without excusing behavior that hurts you. It's realizing that empathy for other people and accountability for yourself can exist at the same time.

I'm still learning. I don't believe I have everything figured out, and I know emotional intelligence is something you continue developing throughout your life. But I do feel that I've become much more intentional about understanding emotions, identifying repeated behaviors, and looking at situations from more than one perspective.

I'm genuinely curious whether other people with ADHD have experienced something similar.

Have you ever felt like you had to consciously teach yourself emotional intelligence because you didn't naturally understand how to navigate certain emotions or relationships? Have difficult experiences made you more aware of behavioral patterns, communication, or the difference between what people say and what they consistently do?

Do you ever find yourself connecting the dots between situations after reflecting on them, and realizing that what initially felt confusing makes more sense when you look at the bigger picture?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have put a lot of work into self-awareness and emotional growth. Do you feel like your ADHD influences the way you recognize patterns or process experiences, or do you think those skills developed primarily because of what you've been through?

I'd really like to hear other people's perspectives, because I'm trying to understand whether this is something other people with ADHD relate to or whether it's more of an individual experience shaped by personality and life circumstances.

Any advice helps!

Im so tired. I'm done. Burnt out. Exhausted.

I live in Chicago (supposedly a city where it’s very easy to make friends). I’ve lived here for 1.5 years and only have 2 people that I can call genuine friends at this point. It seems that whenever I try to make conversation with someone in a public setting (like a bar), they seem to put their guard up.It just seems like very few people have an interest in being authentic with you right when you meet. Almost as if you must pass the secret tests to reach the real them? Idk, I just feel like an alien, and I consider myself a good conversationalist and active listener.

Does anyone else have this experience? Maybe also in Chicago, specifically?

While I’m waiting for my adhd evaluation results, I just wanna vent about how weird and stupid I feel compared to everybody else and how rejected I feel by other people. I have like two friends and one of them is diagnosed with adhd.

I just feel so awkward and stupid compared to everybody else because I can’t get my work done or done properly and I often fail and do a bad job even tho I know I can do better and have done better before.

It’s my second year of college and I haven’t made any real friends. I feel like everybody looks at me weirdly, I always say/do the wrong things. Sometimes I know what I did wrong but sometimes I don’t. I say stupid things without thinking and then I try to overexplain myself and I guess people find that off-putting? I think, but maybe not. I’m honestly not sure. For a lot of things I need to ask other people if something is okay to do or not in social situations.

I can’t focus to save my life and even though it has always been like that, it’s much worse now. It’s also hard because I have a crush at college and I just think he thinks I’m stupid, awkward, weird… all of those things. I know I’m attractive and pretty, it’s just the conversation part that is so like…..I get so overwhelmed and confused and my brain stops working (not only with him but with almost everyone except my friends maybe or family).

I don’t think it’s autism cause I don’t think this is what autism looks like. My therapist told me I might have social anxiety and she may be right. I’ve just been feeling so neurodivergent my whole life, but in the past 1-2 years more than ever. I don’t wanna say I have something I don’t, but this is how I feel.

I don’t know how to stop feeling like an alien in a human’s costume and actually start being normal. Everybody looks at me like “I’m never talking to her again”. I feel so rejected by society and I just wanna be normal and act and function like a normal person. There are other things I’ve missed to mention but I’m writing this in a hurry so yeah. Hope someone relates or has any advice

(Also idk why the last paragraph is in italic)

Sorry this is a long one please read

I started talking to a therapist and after my breakup she told me my ex was emotionally abusive and it was an unhealthy relationship due to to lots of reasons but I also realize some of these behaviors could be sensory issues and due to her Austism I am neurodivergent myself with ADHD. But what bothered me the most about her is she did nothing to help herself I was in therapy and medication to help myself but she never wanted to. I understand that stuff can be expensive but I offered for her to join my sessions in therapy and even offered to help her pay for her own and she turned it down she was so against therapy and talking to a stranger and the lack of self help and her using her self diagnosis as excuses for everything which really got to me. Autism wasn’t the only self diagnosis she did too she also self diagnosed with depression and PMDD yet never went to an OBGYN. She would snap at me and I’d call her out and then she’d use her autism as an excuse she didn’t know her tone which is valid in autism but it’s just the fact that she uses her undiagnosed unhelped autism and issues as a get out of jail free card for everything

Some details about us My girlfriend and I
were together 2 years and lived together The relationship slowly reached a point where I felt emotionally worn down instead of supported. I loved her deeply, but I often felt like I had to walk on eggshells because I never knew what might upset her or what mood she would be in. I felt like I was constantly trying to avoid doing something wrong. I wasn't allowed on her bed because it was her "safe space," things around the house had to be in the exact right place, I had to hold my breath when we kissed because the air from my nose bothered her, and even normal things like chewing, hanging a towel, or forgetting something small could become a problem. It often felt like I had to adjust my behavior to fit her comfort while my own needs and comfort weren't given the same consideration. There was very little compromise it usually felt like things had to be done her way, and if I didn't meet her expectations, I was made to feel like I wasn't trying hard enough.

Affection and intimacy became increasingly rare, and I frequently felt rejected, unwanted, and alone despite being in a relationship. I also struggled with how little empathy and emotional support I felt during difficult moments, like when I hurt my back and was paralyzed on the floor in pain she jump over me and left me on the floor when I told her I couldn’t get up it hurt too much when she asked if I needed help getting up ( I got attacked for that alot on this subreddit before too which made me also feel bad) she also was barley celebrating important milestones like when I graduated college. And didn’t care at all when my roommate in college died from an OD she said “that’s what you get for doing drugs”

She constantly used her undiagnosed issues as excuses too Despite me repeatedly encouraging her to seek therapy or medical help for issues that were affecting both of us, nothing changed she said she’d look into therapy and stuff but it seemed like she’d never would so I left I couldn’t handle it anymore. But now I’m wondering and feeling bad maybe I wasn’t patient enough and it really was her autism affecting things especially after I got called out a lot on here for when I explained what happened with my back.

( for the back story long story short I hurt myself dropped to the floor in pain she asked if I wanted help getting up I told her I couldn’t it hurt too badly to move she then jumped over me and went into the next room and left me on the floor. And then after that when I wanted her to lay with me in bed and wanted comfort it was like pulling teeth she didn’t want to it was like so much of a burden for her just to stay in bed with me. She eventually did though. Also she watched me struggle instead of trying to help me like when I needed to move around and go to the bathroom and get stuff in my room. I know I should have been more clear though and I got called out a lot for not communicating enough with her on here but it still hurt my feelings a lot especially because this isn’t the first time she lacked empathy like with my roommate dying for example)

Ho 23 anni e da pochissimi giorni mi sono stati diagnosticati adhd e autismo. È stata una liberazione. Io non ce l'ho mai fatta a stare con i miei coetanei, soprattutto quelli spigliati (io sono chiuso). Sono molto a disagio, e non riesco a entrare in un gruppetto. Vedo che se ci provo non riesco a integrarmi stabilmente. Ho solo 2 amicizie molto solide.

Qualcuno che ha vissuto un percorso simile ha superato la solitudine e rigidità con gli altri? Grazie

I mean I can recognize myself from a crowd but I been saying a lot “I look so weird”” I look different from before “
I picture myself from photos I’ve taken and then they become blurry in my head and idk how I look again

Also same things with haircuts. I’ve been doing my hair for years and I never really had a clue how they actually looked until months later I pull out a photo of them and realize I looked dumb🥲

Similar experience with recognizing my friends. The first couple of times I would NOT know how they look like but rather a general idea, I’m kinda scared when people would find this offensive (I dont tell them)

especially caused by trauma. cause i know that some people become hard, insensitive and some too kind, too empathetic. im 20 just getting to find out the adult world and what ive seen and realized is that the world rewards malicious, mean, insensitive people. it is so so cruel and it hits me like bricks everyday that people are so rude and mean and theyre the ones thriving, happy, theyre the one who has friends. i tried to be hard too but it felt like i was selling my soul. please just someone tell me does it ever get better for people like me?

So, I am a teen, I have ADHD and am awaiting the ASD test results. I am somewhat sensitive to certain noises. I was sitting in the lounge room, my nans dog on the other couch (my nan is leaving it here for like 2 weeks while she visits my cousin's), and it was making a whining sort of noise. I was getting extremely irritated by it as I just wanted to watch TV in peace. My headphones were dead so I didn't want to grab those.

I was sitting there as the dog kept doing it, and I got to a point where I was scared that I was gonna grab the TV remote and throw it at the dog to make it shut up. I didn't and now I am in my room, trying to calm down. I don't know why, this is usually what I think after it has gone on for a while, like I almost threw a Rubik's cube at a class mate because he was being annoying. Does anyone know of any ways to stop thinking of doing this?

hey y'all! we're making a very queer, very disabled, very neurodivergent little game called The Things Left Behind, and I wanted to share something about how we're making it.

we've been partnering with disability organizations and autism centers to bring neurodivergent and disabled people into game development. and not just as playtesters or people we interview about their experiences.

they're actually making the game.

we're teaching people Unity, programming, art, storytelling, and game design, and working together to turn their ideas and lived experiences into playable little stories.

but one of the things I'm most proud of is the space we're building to do all of this.

we have an ND-friendly lab where we're trying to make game development work for the people doing it, rather than expecting everyone to fit into some rigid idea of what a productive developer is supposed to look like.

different ways of learning, different communication styles, different sensory needs, different paces of working. the whole point is to create a space where people can actually be comfortable, experiment, make weird shit, and have their creativity taken seriously.

because neurodivergent people have so many stories worth telling, and I don't think we get nearly enough opportunities to tell them ourselves.

and that's really what the game is about.

The Things Left Behind is a collection of short, interactive stories about queer, disabled, and neurodivergent life.

we have stories about sensory overload, executive dysfunction, love, friendship, intimacy, acceptance, and all the tiny, strange, funny, frustrating moments that stick with us.

and we really don't want to make another game where neurodivergence is just a problem to fix, a superpower, or a lesson for neurotypical people.

sometimes our brains make ordinary things incredibly difficult. sometimes they make us notice things other people miss. sometimes we're just weird little people having weird little days.

and all of that deserves space in games.

each story has its own art, characters, and mechanics, shaped by the people helping create it.

the game will be completely free, and we're also planning to make it open source because we want other people to be able to learn from and build on what we're making.

we're trying to make something that celebrates neurodivergent stories while also creating real opportunities for neurodivergent people to learn, create, and get paid for their work.

anyway, we finally have a Steam page, and wishlists genuinely help us keep building interest in this weird little project:

https://store.steampowered.com/app/4450900/The_Things_Left_Behind/

but I'd also love to hear from other ND folks: if you could design a creative workspace around how your brain actually works, what would it look like?

because that's something we're constantly thinking about as we build ours.

Hey guys I'm hoping to make a space for people who want to play games or chat about creative things, hyperfixations, maybe set up roleplay sessions, whatever! I'm totally open to recommendations to channels too. I really want a chill space for Neurodivergent and lgbtq people to hangout <3 silly humor and degen chat is welcomed so long as it's platonic

Send me a message if you're interested! I'll add you on discord

I myself play a lot of DBD lately, Darktide and I love Bg3 and DA. I have ADHD and tend to be a little socially anxious but would love to find similar people to play with even if my server doesn't appeal to you ^{.^}

I always asked me how to be human because I don't see myself as a normal person, I'm easily influenced and so I'm rather too bubbly or too shy but what annoys me is like I lived in my own world.

Anyway genuinely I don't know how to be human, it's too difficult, I prefer talking with AI

and like I can stay during weeks doing nothing except being on a phone/computer, like an NPC or a robot

Hello everyone. I am neurodivergent and I get very anxious about things and very irritated out of nowhere. I have bad ocd and looping thoughts.

SSRIs are the only things that help but I don’t take them from fear of gaining weight.

Anyway - today I was having a really bad mental health thought looping day and I said no to a teaching job which I literally asked for a few days ago from the principal. I lied and said I was sick

It was just for one day tomorrow but yeah I’m kinda disappointed in myself and feeling so guilty for it and so down.

What do I do?

I have developmental visual spatial disorder and today i went shopping and had to do the big cart instead of the little basket. i havent used big cart in a long time. well i knocked things off the side shelf, accidentally got in like 3 people's way, then had an extremely hard time paying because the space between the checkout line and cart was way too narrow and o couldn't see where i was putting the items on the belt and literally wasnt able to take the items out of the cart and put them on the belt on my own i ended up needing assistance because i couldnt see where it was

Does unmasking make sense?

To the people who have already deliberately tried to mask less: Did it actually make you do better? Or maybe it also brought new problems? If so, please share your experiences (Pos & Neg)!

And how did you even start? I guess you first have to realize or analyze when and why you mask. I think that will be the hardest part for me. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know which things are masking with me and which simply belong to my personality. This is most likely simply because I was diagnosed at 17 and it just "worked" the most time.

I would be especially interested in how unmasking looks in your everyday life, for example at school/work, with friends/family or in social situations.

What was the first thing you consciously changed, and did you notice a difference?

My thoughts are e.g. "What do the others think of me?" "Do others think I just want to look more autistic?" "Am I not theoretically putting on a mask again?" Etc.
I have to say that, for example, I have NEVER carried my repetitive behavior outside. (at least I wouldn't know anything) For example, I've locked myself in my dark room for hours since childhood and stimmed. Not even my mother knew about it when I showed my psychiatrist a few notes of my symptoms. How is it then, for example? Should I just start stimming in front of other people just because I need to? But that's also weird, because I've never shown it before.
I have currently taken a large part of the social masking off, at least in my current school, and im largely behaving again as I did as a child. This also makes me feel much better, even if I am getting made fun of for it. Above all, I like that people have a realistic picture of me. Everyone at my old school sees me as very social and would probably shake their heads if I said I was autistic. Then something like "This is a fashion diagnosis! You understand jokes!" And stuff.

I wish I had never learned to mask somehow. I never thought it could be so hard to just stand by yourself and be the way you are.

Hi everyone. I hope you’re doing well :)
Lately I’ve been looking into neurodivergent communities and seeing your struggles, and I heavily relate to them. I struggled since childhood, always questioning if I am "normal" or if I just happened to grow up in an environment where everyone else was too different.
Growing up, I always felt too mature and had a completely different thinking process compared to the kids and teens around me. I thought I would outgrow this, but I haven't.
What bothers me most is how badly I want clarity as to why I struggle so much, but I find the process of getting a diagnosis incredibly tedious, and I worry about being stigmatized. At the same time I feel insecure about self-diagnosing because there are certain textbook neurodivergent traits I don’t relate to, or at least not intensely.

For context:
I feel socially inept. I constantly monitor every single interaction, which leaves me extremely fatigued and needing to "mask." I have a hard time keeping up, I get drained very easily and I just want to go home and isolate myself. I think I’m aware of the social rules, but I tend to forget them at the moment and freeze when something unexpected happens so I feel very awkward. I have sensory issues but they vary. I get irritated by loud noises but not to the point where I need to wear noise-canceling headphones everywhere. I don’t think I really stim, though I do struggle with eye contact and I constantly fidget with my fingers, I always attributed it to me being anxious though. I don’t feel like listing everything, but generally my traits feel "milder" or quieter than the stereotypes. I'm stuck wondering if I am neurodivergent, or if I just happen to be an unlucky neurotypical person who has a tough mix of these traits. Either way, I’m really not sure how to feel better about myself or understand why my mind works the way it does. I would really appreciate some advice or perspective from anyone who has felt this way

I find that I’m most comfortable when the other person explicitly asks me questions. I don’t know what they want to know, and if I start sharing on my own accord, I would mention my experience and point out something unrelated to the topic that I experienced. Then the other person would assume I’m changing the topic to something arbitrary.

Anyone else struggle with Le Experiential Back and Forth?
Rapid exchanges of personal experiences between two people. They just somehow build on top of one another. And astoundingly for me they could go on for minutes without a single question asked.

I lack this ability innately. My preferred communication is exchanging explicit questions and answers and giving reactions/thoughts. This way I know how you are as a person and can mentally map you out. People say I come off guarded and not open. Well maybe because other people lack curiosity? This has probably been my biggest barrier to making friendships. You know I have a lot of depth as a person. I was in addiction and hellish executive function, social anxiety bad enough that I was misdiagnosed with a personality disorder, dropped out, I’ve lived in 5 countries, and I did a lot of self growth to get out of that trough with a framework I hold close. But people don’t even have the curiosity to explicitly ask about others’ experiences and point of views. As a result no one around me really knows the depth of my past and current struggles or what I truly think about the world.

I think many people seek friends for the shallow comfort of merely belonging to a circle, not because they are genuinely interested in people’s lives.