I (22M) met a girl on social media and we decided to go to a cafe. She was very talkative and bubbly (she was an -NT- or -NF- of some sort). Me, I was nervous and anxious. She mentioned that my body language was showing it. I didn't show romantic interest in her, except making some verbal compliments. I just wasn't in the mood. I usually am aloof and reserved in front of strangers and I think this prevented me from vibing with her that day and I suspect this will be a problem in future first dates.

I'm (ENFP F 31) in a relationship with an INTJ (M 41) and we have been together for almost 4 months. Our relationship started very naturally. He liked me for a long time and finally a friend of his told me and I let him give me his number. We have been emotionally close, deep talks, and lose time together. He's told me his feelings for me are that he loves me, that is his first time loving someone as deeply as he does me, and he wants to be with me. In person there's no doubt that what he says is true, but it's different when we are apart.

We have already had a breakup over a life shift (moving) where he worried he wasn't best for me because my life is in one state and hes moving to another. I had told him in the past that long distance doesn't work for me, so he ended it without talking to me first in order to protect himself from what he saw as an inevitable breakup. I told him that I'm willing to go with him and for me it isn't an issue, then gave him space. We both suffered during this breakup. He wasn't going to work and his friends were worried about him. I wasn't doing well either. He came back on his own a week later and we are stronger for it... except in one area: his texting habits.

In the beginning, he texted me very often, and with lots of openness. But as feeling got stronger, he got quieter. Then the breakup. He also has a new job that takes much more of his time that he didn't before the breakup. We are still together because in person I feel closer to him than ever. But apart, his texting habits are difficult for me. We are both busy so we can only see each other 1 to 2 times a week. The texting is the glue I need. But he sometimes doesn't reach out or respond for most of the day, and mostly at night he silent and doesn't read my texts. He said it's because he's tired and work doesn't let him be on his phone, but a simple good night is not happening. He doesn't go days without talking, but he can go close to 24 hours sometimes. He does reach out to ask how I am, and he says sweet things and the texting is slowly improving, but still not like it was.

I read INTJs aren't big texters but that wasn't always the case with him. So I'm not sure if it's something else he doesn't want to say or if he's being honest. Why is he ok with so little communication when we see each other so infrequently?

After what point do you consider accepting a person as a partner or a safe person to be vulnerable with. And how do you show them that you like them or accept them. Specifically i am asking the female intjs

Early long distance relationship seems to help my INFJ relationship

Hello, I'm INTJ (24M) and I've been dating this INFJ (27F).

We have completely filterless communication, we aren't afraid of discussing difficult not personal topics.

We've gone on about 15 dates, some of them were spending an entire day together, including simple peaceful ones like cooking together and just taking walks and talking.

Due to unrelated personal distress and difficulties I've been open about, I flew to Japan alone for a month and a half to disconnect, ground myself and resteady my inner peace I've achieved, while keeping daily communication with her.

We've both found the intensity of our relationship a bit jarring, too good to be true at times, the Ni-Ni loop definitely had some part in that and we both had the inclination that there's a single major unknown that stopping us from committing to a serious long term relationship with the intention of staying together for good unless proven otherwise.

Since flying to Japan I've felt the burden and the pondering lessen and she explicitly said that she thinks the distance and long term connection is the solution for her unresolved unknown,

Some extra context:

Our connection seems to hold true and the trust hasn't been stronger,

We both get incredibly inspired by each other pretty equally, we both find each other incredibly cute especially, intelligent as well as high emotional intelligence, we have inside jokes, our core values match, there's intimate compatibility, we felt absolute peace while cuddling, in terms of a life partner relationship we have the same end goals, we plan our individual futures together to be parallel and compatible while following our own existing dreams.

We both been in toxic relationships, seeked professional help and learned our lessons from those relationships and what to do different and moved on from them.

We currently have a mutual disinterest in seeking another relationship, we seem to be compatible and satisfied together.

I fiercely protect her from giving in to people pleasing tendencies with me, I make sure she doesn't diminish her value,

She gives me what I require from a relationship; equality in expectations, the joy of the present and the grounding in it, as I tend to lose myself in the future often.

Now I would like to ask you, is this the mark of a healthy relationship or are we missing something important or multiple we would need to address and what is your opinion of this physical distance in order to stifle the growing intensity of the honeymoon phase and enjoy our relationship for what it is and not let it burn too intensely?

Am I in the inner circle?

... sincerely, an INFP.

I'm not even that close to my so called friends in school, i would rather have none and that's because they are the basic nerd archetype. Clumsy physically not taking care of their looks at all and laughing at some corny memes.. i usually talk about philosophical, psychological and general knowledge stuff but i also feel like i mthe only one helping them get better cuz im actually saying useful info. Do you guys think i should just stop talking completely or? How do i lose all my "friends" is my question, i am used to having none cuz i was i nclass for a year sat alone with my head on the table and thinking and resting a bit in breaks. I kind of miss it. Give me some advie and share your opinions or if u relate to it.

Lately, I've realized that I've become almost obsessed with working and being productive. Even on some weekends, I struggle to relax because I always feel like I should be doing something. I do have hobbies. I travel too and explore new things. I spend time with friends/family. But when I'm also out doing something I enjoy, I sometimes just want to go home and get back to work. It's like I've made work my default. Maybe, I'm using it to escape life and everything happening in the world. I still find myself questioning my purpose.

For those who've experienced this, how did you learn to slow down and enjoy life?

oh, my husband likes to eat at restaurants , but the local restaurant scene leaves much to be desired .

food is too salty , too garlicy or greasy because that is what equals flavor for most people. unfortunateky a large portion of local food is canned or frozen. most people also like/prefer white rice, white bread or noodles made from processed grain.

even more upscale restaurants still offer more of the same for whatever reason. I guess that’s need to move somewhere else… but where? Or grow a lot of my own food.

but it’s not all about food either. I guess I need to change a lot of thingsz

Concrete scenario: define Ni in a way that an ISTJ would understand. Make it as complex or simple as you want.

I've always found it difficult to really pinpoint how I am feeling in a moment. I usually feel neutral most of the time, towards people and things. Very rarely have I felt an extreme feeling towards a person specifically a positive one. I always felt like love was such an out of grasp thing for me. I'd never felt that feeling of I love this person, besides my younger sister. Like I think I love my friends but I don't really know it. I know I deeply care about them, but I don't know if that feeling is love or not because I haven't had that epiphany. Recently I made some friends online, and became friends with this girl online and since we were online friends I thought I wouldn't be able to feel that close to her. But one day she confided in me of her problems, and said she trusted me and that she would need a break. And I started crying. I barely ever cry, and I was very confused at my own feelings. This was a person I hadn't even met before, I didn't know her name or much about her but still I felt this feeling. And had that epiphany that I do love her. It didn't feel weird to say I love you much to my online friends after that because I realized how much I really care about them.

So Ive been seeing this Intj and mind you this is my first time seeing an Intj, and it is nothing but magical to me… 😭

Ive always thought that an Enfp x Intj pairing might be boring, but this.. this is the opposite. He made me feel some kind of way that I havent felt for so long!! every single time im talking he would just listen and smile at me and everytime i realized that i was talking way too much he would tell me that he wants to hear more. He told me that i can see right through him and he thinks that i am fascinating and brilliant. Id say im more leaning towards developing Enfp i think thats because i used to work as a flight attendant and it kinda balanced out my flaws and all.✈️🛩️🤔

This one time we were talking for way too long that it already passed his bed time i said to him “oh my god, hey we talked so much and i think it already passed your bed time!” and he said “do u remember when i told u that i will only sleep late or passed my bedtime if theres something important? Consider this important” My face immediately turned red!😭 no like srsly my face turned red i have this skin condition where i got rlly red when someone made me blush, angry or crying🫪. He continued teasing me abt my redness tho🤣

This one time we both open up about our struggles which i told him that ive always struggled with people not taking me seriously and they think that my facecard is the only thing that made me interesting. I told him that if u ever noticed, when we walked in public and people came to approached and complimented my looks, it doesnt flattered me at all? thats because theres so much more to me that people doesnt care but only u noticed my depth and how my my brain works which flattered me and made me red every single time!🤣

Anyways, he is very caring, fun, we both loves books but he’s more into psychology and im into philosophy. He supports me and see my potential, He’s amazing and despite him thinking he is not hot enough for me, well i said he is the hottest man ive ever seen. He gets jealous seeing me being childlike on live stream because he said he wants that personality only for him (jokingly ofc)🤣, he loves to pat my head and made fun of my stage name (its a food). He have his own law firm and knowing how serious he is when it comes to work HE ALWAYS TEXTED ME WHILE WORKING WHICH IS WOW..

I am still amazed on how incredible being with an intj
ive always assumed that itll be boring oh my goddd!🫪🫪🫪🫪

Update: I hope he’s not on reddit im scared that he’ll see this love letter im trying to play it cool🫪🫣🤧😣

I recently became a mother and it has been one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life.

I never really wanted children until I met my husband (INTP). We were so happy together and because of that wanted to bring a child up in the world together. Due to medical conditions and my age we had to have multiple rounds of IVF over several years. We never gave up because of how badly we wanted this and when we found out we were pregnant we were ecstatic and full of hope for the future.

I am now 7 weeks post partum and while I feel so much love and protectiveness for my son, I sometimes wonder if I have fucked my life up. It’s been hard to deal with the sleep deprivation, the anxiety, the tedium of the newborn trenches and the constant need to be present with hardly any downtime. We are very inexperienced parents despite our age and I feel like I am messing up all the time, which is a strange experience as I have always excelled at work and school. I feel especially bad because as a mother I’m expected to have some magical maternal instinct and know what to do but instead I’m clueless.

Perhaps this is a universal thing and not an INTJ thing but I guess I would like to ask if other INTJ parents felt the newborn period to be especially trying and if it got better as your children got older. I feel I would be a good parent to an older child but it’s just been so hard to figure out a newborn. Sometimes I almost feel like I would be a better father than a mother in a traditional sense, especially as I will practically be the sole breadwinner when I go back to work from maternity leave next year, while husband works part time and looks after the baby.

I feel like every single time I'm stressed by the people in my life, I hope on here and feel better by reading y'all's experience. It's like looking at a self-reflection and you just immediately feel better like, "ah, I'm not alone in this". Do you guys feel the same?

Edit: Sorry if it looks like I'm seeking validation, I'm not at a good state in mind so I'm pretty desperate for validation crumbs lmao

As an INTJ who's aromantic/demisexual (I have no idea), i find people attractive but rarely "fall in love", but when I do - oh wow, i usually surprise myself.

I think, acts of service and physical touch are my main love languages since I'm not really good at expressing myself verbally - i love to make things easier for my person, but only if I can do it, otherwise I would try my best to help them somehow, even if I can't do it directly. I would also play with my person's outfits/acessories - their hoods (of a hoodie, sweatshirt, etc.), the fabric of their outfits (it is so satisfying), their watches, their keys, their spectacles, etc. and they would look at me real confused at times, even called me out for "behaving like a cat", but still let me do it anyways.

I find myself a highly sensitive person and very empathetic
Most people are apathetic honestly, and I believe that’s a core reason of why I am the way I am

I often struggle with journaling despite recognizing its value and having a genuine desire to make journaling habit. I have experimented with using journal prompts, sketchbooks, gratitude journals, etc. but so far, the best motivator for me is using MBTI as the framework, or jumping point, to get the thoughts flowing. I like reflecting on “shadow functions”, stack order, type weaknesses/ strengths, analyzing other people and speculating their type, and sometimes using the questions in mbti subreddits as journal prompts. Occasionally I do manage to reflect on events without MBTI inspiration, but even then, I find it entertaining to analyze my own writing or reflections through the mbti lens.

I recently started reading “The Red Book” which details Carl Jung’s ideas, and had the thought that maybe even he used the early framework embedded in the foundations of MBTI in this way - to organize and inspire thoughts, analyze from multiple angles, and explore possibilities (more than a “diagnostic” style tool that many people use it as). I’m definitely proponents of active imagination too!

Do you have a blog or online journal you’re willing to share? What have been your experiences and c strategies to continue journaling?

Here’s mine:
https://intxlife.blogspot.com/?m=1

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some insight from an INTJ perspective on a situation with a junior in my college department.

[Background/Context] In my university, students in the same major are part of a small, tight-knit department committee (about 20–30 people), so we see each other often.

[The Situation]

1. Before: We were getting friendly—saying hi and having brief small talk whenever we ran into each other.
2. The Event: During a recent department retreat (MT), we sat next to each other and had drinks together.
3. After: Right after the trip, he suddenly started acting super awkward and flustered around me. When I said hi, he would ignore my greeting—not in a cold way, but he looked visibly anxious and panicked, unable to greet me back.
4. My Reaction: After getting ignored a few times despite saying hi warmly, I stopped initiating greetings.
5. Yesterday: I walked into our department room, and he came in right after. Out of nowhere, he initiated a conversation first, asking how I did on my quiz, and we chatted for a bit.

[My Question] I used to just see him as a cute/nice junior, but he’s acting like this only toward me. Is this behavior familiar to any of you? Is he just socially awkward/overwhelmed, or is something else going on? How should I naturally handle this situation moving forward?

When you truly and rarely fall in love w someone do you see it almost as “infection” like thing as i do? Like last time i realized my feelings are way too strong and suddenly my whole world is gonna rotate about this person which is gonna make me less observant, aware of other things, im gonna lose my hypothesis times etc. Basically i see this all these negative factors about being deeply in love with someone. Yes i’m happy that a person like this even exists no matter if we end up together or not but for the duration of my feelings its like my brain capabilities are reduced by 30%. Am i the only one?

Any Spanish speaking INTJ who would like to chat for a while, about anything at all?

I’m not (just) talking about concepts or abstraction. But when having things to do, or solving problems.

Personally, sometimes when I see a clear path to what to do, what will happen, you know what I mean, other people are like… struggling to see it as easy or simply as I do. I guess it happens when some of them get trapped in overthinking the logistics, or pondering about the what ifs.

It doesn’t bother me, but sometimes it looks like I’m convincing people to take a leap of faith rather than make them trust that things will work out just fine.

And then there’s the type of people who does brain gymnastics to go from X to Y.

Unrelated (kind of), but I really appreciate those of you who make one sentence comment with the weight of a whole paragraph. It’s a skill I wish I had.