When I'm living life and not thinking about the fact that I don't really have people who I consider friends anymore (or family for that matter), I'm perfectly content. My time gets filled with hobbies and thinking about things I care about.

But like a lot of us, we grapple internally with the reality of not having friends. I find it's only really when I see a group of friends, or when I'm having an imaginary conversation where I reveal for some reason that I don't have friends, that I feel some kind of "sadness" about it.

I feel like that's such an important distinction to make. I think it's important to be real and say "not having friends can feel lonely and suck" but also say "despite that, I don't currently necessarily feel lonely or sad."

I think it's one of those things where we get caught up in societal expectations and we feel like we've failed somehow. But the truth is, we don't have to explain ourselves to people. People don't need to understand us or pity us or anything.

It's also one of those things that because we keep paying attention to it that it becomes more of a thing than it needs to be. Rather that describing the situation in the current moment, it starts seeping into our identity. "I'm someone who doesn't have friends" or "I don't need friends." Those conclusions are not necessary to draw, just because you don't have friends at the moment doesn't mean that is incapable of changing or you're incapable of changing.

Hear me out, being alone is my greatest recovery in this busy world. Well yes what can i say? I can read anything and something without worry about other energies. But people did not understand tho, they thought i am maniac, an unibomer approach, or some kind of having social anxiety. Well... is it? 👀

Let’s assume there is a damaged bridge. You are fully aware that anyone walks across the bridge will 100% die. Now people still try to walk across the bridge even after you have seriously warned them.

What actions would you take?

How differently would you choose to do in the following situations:

1. Child/senior vs adult

No age reference, you use your own judgement to decide if this person is a child or not. Or seniors who isn’t capable of making decisions such as old people with Alzheimer.

Adults are those who are completely capable of making decisions.

2) Strangers vs people you love and care for

The questions reveal your value and opinions on human life and freedom, and your moral consistency. It’s a good way to help you understand what truly matters to you.

Ps. I will update the post with my answer and explain what this question actually reveals.

I get to watch people. I also get to see how people interact and dress and what that communicates. I do enjoy going to events where it is like a Ted Talk followed by a social hour. The people in the audience share things in common with me even if it is just how we may see slices of the world. If anything - differences can be great too because I like thinking of the steps it took for them to get to that conclusion.

I enjoy thinking and reflecting on what I've learned and who I've met. I like remembering the layout of the venue and seeing how the area impacted how people interacted, like an open vs closed floorplan. In my life and in my work, I've used my connections to solve problems and put people in connection with one another. I also really enjoy mediating debates and have been the Chair Person for events where it was an open discussion/debate with 200+ people because I'm maintaining order, which I have only done successfully by applying Robert's Rules. Learning music, dance and theater has helped me tremendously in learning how to be present and grounded in the now. Being grounded in the now has taken tremendous effort.

Some people have truly changed the way I view the world because I got the opportunity to see their perspective. Like logically it makes sense to do A but they see something I didn't even consider so it makes sense now more to do B.

I must admit that attending any large scale event does require me to recharge, but I can be social in sprints of time. Being direct and open in my communication has helped me to be less drained.

I wish that it wasn't a stereotype that INTJs are antisocial unemotional robots. People are books in their own way.

It could be anything, a brain killing one, a fun and energetic one, a film that gives something to your life or anything -- glad to hear :)

Does anybody else spend hours every day worrying about how to best prepare for a dystopian future from climate change, AI failure, or political unrest?

It can sometimes be just worrying about job security or even real estate values in my neighborhood, but more often than not it starts with research into off grid living but never quite landing on how best to get there because of the significant compromises involved with living off grid, not to mention financial constraints and salary dependence.

In its most extreme version, I find the idea of death and that consciousness could access other dimensions fascinating and comforting because it requires nothing from me other than sit back.

Just wondering if it is an INTJ thing or mainly the result of growing up in a country I had to escape from as a result of severe political unrest.

I’m an ISFP at my wit’s end and hoping to get some perspective from the INTJ mindset before making any major decisions.

My INTJ boyfriend of 8 years told me he sees me as his future wife, and we’ve aligned on our timeline for marriage and kids. We went ring shopping in March. Shortly after, he started a new job that keeps him happily busy (his last job wasn't stimulating).

I intentionally waited 7 months to give him space to ramp up. I assumed he had already bought the ring during that time. However, last week he admitted he hasn't bought it yet, claiming he’s trying really hard but has just been too busy with work. (For context, he has weekends off.)

Is this a classic case of an INTJ compartmentalizing and prioritizing work performance over personal life goals, or is there a deeper hesitation? Any candid advice would be appreciated.

Hi there, there is 2 years left for me to di a career choice (I'm 16) and I would love a job that requires foresight, strategy and planning. I used to want to become a Software Developer, therefore i had learned Html, Css, Javascript, NodeJS and Python but then i realized that i get bored of coding. Then i went through a little bit of cyber security, looked at some bug bounty, it wasn't bad but then i got bored of that too, also, the AIs scared me a little bit. Then i realized, i don't like desk jobs, i mean i do but not as much as a field job.

So my main question is, what do you people do? Do you know something that wants strategy, foresight, planning and has a future?

im not shy but i am extremely introverted. i work 6 days a week and always feel too tired to socialize. im also trying to save up/pay bills and everytime i leave my house i feel like i spend $40 minimum.

howww do you guys keep up w friendships?? debating downloading bumble friends to find ppl w similar lifestyles. does anyone have any stories/experience w that?

only thing stopping me from diving deep into time travel and quantum superposition is the psychologically brutal exploration of Jason’s miserable life in pararllel timelines

watching it in bits and pieces

big consumer of Dark, House, Elementary, Mentalist, Sherlock, Person of interest, House of cards, black mirror & Rick & Morty

Anyone else into the same kind of shows?

When I was younger, like 18-20yo, I would still get these moments of being "well rested", "well sported" after swimming, running or cycling, like I was more focused, had more energy a bit etc.

Now, being 33 yo, I like cycling, or long trekking etc, but I never really feel "good" afterwards like I used to. There is no hormonal rush, there is no feeling of "focus". Yes, there are health benefits, yes there is "possibility of staying awake longer and being less sleepy".

But it never really feels good. I like the activity for being in nature and practical purposes,
but I never really emotionally enjoy it nowadays.

Did anyone else experience anything similar? I am posting here to INTJ, because I am XNTX (spent years trying to figure out more precisely, its impossible btw and there arent just 16 types, nor 64 types, of people in the world) and you guys understand the split between the logical/rational mind and emotions.

PS: It doesnt matter whether I do sport twice a day for 30 mins or twice a day for 3 hours, or once per week, it does not change anything except feeling my muscles being a bit more or less tired.

First, pardon my French. But I had this quote in my head for days and I think this is a good place to express it. Basically it just means that solitary people who chime in together, understand each other, are solidary people. And all it takes is to change one letter in the word.

I see a lot of posts here about people feeling lonely, differents. And trust me, I feel the same way. INTJs are in a minority compared to other MBTIs. I don't know much about psychology so I won't even try to root a cause on why we feel that way. But there's still one beautiful thing here: as much as our live stories make us feel like aliens compared to other, there are still a lot of similarities in this subreddit. And honestly, it makes me feel a bit less lonely.

So if you read this, I just want you to know that you might feel left out and isoled in your town, job, school, social circle. But in the bigger world, you've got people who can relate. So let's be solidary together even if it's just through this subreddit.

Take care my friends

I was talking to an INTJ for a month. After few days,we felt a strong connection. He even said that it feels we are soulmates. He even has been emotional and cried twice in the past talking about past . I told him I had plans with my friend ( she) and I may not be able to call or text much. There have been times before I have been staying up all night to stay with him and video call, and generally I used to give him lots of time even while working. He is not working at the moment.

The love you message is 3 days back

Hi, INTJs. An INTP here, I have been reading this sub and it is full of complains about being unable to connect with people. I am not really getting it. What do you think are the obstacles? I think most people connect through emotions and passions, and all the INTJs I know have many of those, there are even kind of intense and childish so I think you are perfect to connect. I don't get the problem. Could you explain?

How do you deal with loneliness? For me, it's not lack of people, but rather lack of depth.

Have you ever met a person sho says she/he's intj and when you observe them, they're not actually intjs. They're just proud of sayying that they're intjs and for you, it's like an insult for you to be in the same mbti type with them. Doees it happen with you?

I was wondering how you guys deal with being praised. I don't like to be praised as a rule. I find it to be performative and more for the benefit of the prais-er than the praised. For me, praise usually registers as social noise rather than useful feedback. My first thought is often: Is this accurate, or is it just something people say to smooth the interaction? If it’s vague (“You’re so smart,” or “Great job”), it tells me more about the praiser’s need to signal warmth or generosity than about the actual quality of what I did. It can feel like being asked to co-sign someone else’s performance of being a nice person.

That said, I can accept praise if it’s specific and tied to something concrete. “That analysis was solid because you caught the inconsistency in the data” is fine. That’s data. “You’re amazing” is not. I don’t update my self-assessment based on applause; I use my own internal benchmarks. So in the moment, I usually just say a brief “Thanks, I appreciate that” or “Glad it was useful,” then redirect back to the work. Public praise is worse because it creates an obligation to perform gratitude I don’t actually feel.

I don’t need to be praised. I need to know the work is correct and useful. If someone wants to recognize me, tell me what specifically worked and why. Otherwise, I’ll assume it’s performative and quietly move on. What do you guys think?

When I need to make a decision on something, I usually lean toward one option immediately. I will then weigh the pros and cons, debate the outcomes, and try to logically confirm or deny that assumption. Depending on the important of the decision, this can take weeks, months, or even years. Sometimes, the instant gut decision and the logical breakdown match but often they don't.

Surprisingly, the guy decision more often ends up being right. I have made some major life decisions (where to live, which house to buy, etc) grounded in what seemed to be the right logical answer that ended up being the wrong choice. I have also made decisions that were suboptimal but felt right and ended up turning out wildly better than I expected.

Personally, I've found that thinking through a decision rarely helps me make quality choices beyond narrowing them down to the top 1-5% or of options, or expanding my decision space (adding new options that I wasn't previously aware of). Past that, my gut choice usually wins.

I've also found that making *any* choice almost always beats delaying the decision to make a more *perfect* choice. Tradeoffs always exist, and once you start debating between the top 1% of options, you're better off just picking one and accepting that it will never be perfect.

Curious if others have experienced the same?

What are some of the funniest or most ironic misconceptions people have made about you as an INTJ?

I have a 6 year old sister, she´s very loud and energetic and i can´t keep my calm or my concentration when i´m with her, i love her, she is my sister after all but sometimes i just want to back off, she is one of the reasons of why i wouldn´t have any kids in the future

But now i ask you, ¿How do you deal with them?

I'm an ENTP girl who needs a little clarity.. I'm currently facing confusion right now on how and where I really stand with this guy..

We both have history back when we were in 11th grade, we got set up by a mutual friend and started talking online (I initiated, typical me 😭) it lasted for weeks, until he made up this bs excuse I questioned until he admitted that he was still hung up on this ex.. so I just told him to block me so I won't hyperfixate on him.

Around three years later he shows up again in my life- in person this time as a seatmate in Ethics class (the irony 😭) because of our surnames. First time seeing him and wow.. he's tall. 6'3 next to my 5'3 frame- first impression and I'm already hooked. I wanted to confirm if it was really my ex talking stage.. asked some questions about where he was from bla bla, then I saw his full name and yep.. it's him. He's a quiet guy, a little mysterious but lets me yap about whatever (my type btw 😭 I want a puzzle to crack) and laughs at my jokes no matter how taboo.. and tbh made the best sounding board and validates my references..

He listens and asks questions sometimes, and occasionally admits things like how he's surprised that anyone would tell my neurodivergent ass to shut up, so I took it as an invitation to keep talking and actually enjoy the intellectual sparring. Perhaps to the point of my pick up lines that made him cuss and suddenly become more loud and conversational in the room. It's a little out of character, plus his deep voice was booming without even trying😭

The last time I saw him before I sent the meme we had this string of conversations where he was talking about how the semester was almost ending.. I said "I never want to see your face again" sarcastically and he just stormed out.

Now before it happened, a question arises from me "What's your type in women?" he told me he was too lazy to explain at first (we just moved into an air-conditioned lecture room with echoes) but when I sent him one of my memes he finally answered my question.

He thought about it.. and based it off the girls that he really fell for in the past. (I'm gonna substitute names here ofc) Mindset of Lia, beauty and charm of Ally, body and height of Carrie... the former was his old classmate and the latter two were girls from his hometown. For some reason, he mentioned that our mutual friend probably told me about Lia (he hadn't) and told me that he doesn't say stuff like this to anyone.

I don't know any of these girls, but I felt let down and as much as I'd hate to admit it, insecure. I know I asked the question in the first place but hearing the answers made me feel some way that I didn't like. The feeling that I couldn't run from the realization that I'm not as detached as I wanted to be as I just wanted to have him as a sounding board.. He could actually affect my mood.

It makes me overthink.. Do I even stand a chance? Does he even want me the way I want him? INTJs please be as honest as you can and help a girl out😭

​

It is the first time in my life (34 yo) that I perceive a change that confuses and touches my instinct.

I am seeing a lot of AI generate flayers around very rural Italian areas.

They are about the local fair or local associations, and they are all the same, yellowish-orange background, rounded bold font, very AI pictures!

I am starting to feel alienated when I see them, like a glitch in the matrix, something that wasn't meant to be there.

Same, calling the dentist and receiving AI assistant support. The call has left me emotionally touched, like "is this happening for real?".

So strange! How are you dealing with this?

​

I have been in some mbti communities to understand the people around me better. Most of my friends have made the mbti test and it's pretty funny to see how accurate it is, but I noticed many people go typing the people around them themselves and honestly I feel it's pretty superficial. Many people online think my typing is not accurate because I live life differently than other people with my type and I get that in my case I am Intj that leans a bit towards intp.

For example I smile a lot, it's probably a defense mechanism, since I do it a lot when I am actually vividly angry, but I mostly smile because life is a lot easier, people treat you better. Why wouldn't a strategist use this simple thing that opens up opportunities and gets you out of trouble? And yeah, I do believe some things are true, intjs can be really stubborn, but it has nothing to do with arrogance (not saying there aren't arrogant intjs), but the stubbornness comes because what most people are saying isn't reaching my logic at all.

The problem is, we can't see each other's minds and what the thought process is behind it. But it's pretty annoying people say I am another type when I am asking for some perspective, because I apparently don't meet a standard an intj should have and funnily if I analyze the other intjs I have met (and know they are because they typed themselves), even if we act completely different from each other and have different beliefs, we have the same logic with dealing with stuff. And that's what I am trying to find out in these mbti communities, how to read them better.

For example why would an Entp lie? When would an intj be emotional? What's the Blindspot of an Entj? And when people honestly say I am an xxxx and that's how it is for me, it's actually the best information I get, because I can gather information, compare the information and then draw some conclusions and challenge them constantly. But sometimes it's just annoying, because it's like "You probably are mistyped because you aren't exactly how I imagine your type to be."

It's a bit of a rant, but I am also actually curious how some of you are so sure of other people's typing. For me it's more like I make them take the test and then I pretty much am like "Yeah that makes so much sense".

在早些年我真的认为我是一个孤僻奇怪的人，往往我都是不合群的那一个，当时甚至为了合群去迎合讨好别人，但我也发现其实我并不喜欢讨好，我也不愿意站在这些人中间，他们说的话我其实并不感兴趣，这只不过是为了缓解我内心的空虚，后来就慢慢自己相处，向内延伸，后来我发现世界上还有许许多多和我相似的存在，这让我更有底气，也不会再去怀疑自己。各位有没有之前有没有这种时候呢