how do you move on from your past without feeling like you've wasted years of your life?

i've been feeling so emotionally exhausted lately bc i've been reflecting on my past self, the ppl i've met online, and some of the experiences i've had in kpop fandoms. i've been wondering if some ppl i used to know eventually got tired of me or became uncomfortable w/ me, and i keep looking back at old interactions wondering where things went wrong. ik i've made mistakes and there are things i need to unlearn, so i'm not trying to act like i did nothing wrong or blame other ppl for everything. i genuinely want to take accountability and become a better person, but it's hard when i keep cringing at my past behavior and overthinking how others might remember me 😭

this year has honestly been rough compared to last year, which was one of my happiest. i feel like i've lost a part of myself, and even some of the things that used to make me happy don't feel the same anymore bc they're now associated w/ bad memories, friendship breakups, fandom drama and ppl i met through online communities. it's such a weird feeling when something you genuinely loved starts reminding you of experiences you'd rather leave behind.

i've been a kpop fan for years, and tbh, it brought me happiness during times when things irl weren't going so well. i've spent money on merch and even tried paid fan messages once just to experience what it was like, and i genuinely enjoyed it. i used to feel jealous of other fans who could afford merch or go to concerts bc i couldn't really do the same, and even now that i have my own adult money, my budget is still limited bc i have bills and other things i need to prioritize. sometimes i look back at the money i've spent and wonder if i should've used it differently, but i also don't want to regret every little thing just bc my circumstances have changed or i've had some bad experiences along the way.

i think part of what makes this so difficult is that i got too caught up in the negative side of fandom culture, esp fanwars and all the drama. looking back, i feel like i wasted so much time worrying about things that weren't even good for me, and there are situations i genuinely regret the way i handled. i hate knowing that my anger sometimes got the best of me, and i wish i could go back and handle certain things differently. i'm not saying the entire fandom or anyone else is responsible for my mistakes, bc i know i have my own things to take accountability for. i just wish i could acknowledge what i did wrong without constantly hating myself for it.

sometimes i even question whether all those years of supporting an artist or a group were worth it, and it makes me sad bc i know i genuinely loved being a fan. i don't want a few bad experiences, fandom drama or my own past mistakes to make me feel like everything was a waste. those years still had good memories, and the things that made me happy back then were real. i just don't know how to separate those memories from everything that happened afterward when they all feel so connected now.

i've already blocked certain ppl for my own peace of mind and deleted old social media accounts and apps that bring back bad memories. i want to stop checking up on ppl from my past and finally leave those experiences where they belong. but even when i'm on other platforms, my algorithm keeps showing me posts that feel way too relevant to what i've been going through, and then i start overthinking all over again. i worry that ppl from those old fandoms or communities might see something i post, interpret it in the worst possible way or use it against me. ik everyone has different perspectives, but i'm tired of feeling like i have to be careful abt everything i say online or constantly worry abt how other ppl perceive me. sometimes i feel like i'm always the misunderstood one, and i just want to stop explaining myself to ppl who've probably already made up their minds abt me.

part of me really wants a fresh start. i want to be more private, explore new interests and meet ppl who don't already have an idea of who i am based on my past. i've even thought abt avoiding social media altogether bc i don't want to keep getting pulled back into feelings i'm trying to move on from. i want to enjoy kpop and my other hobbies again without every little thing reminding me of old friendships, arguments or the person i used to be.

i've also been wishing i had a stable job or something to keep me occupied. maybe if i had more things going on in my life, i wouldn't spend so much time doomscrolling and overthinking everything 😭 sometimes i end up deep-cleaning my room just to keep myself busy, but rn i can't really find a hobby i'm genuinely enjoying. i miss having things to look forward to without feeling guilty or connecting them to bad memories.

i know i can't change the past, and i don't want to pretend it never happened either. i want to learn from my mistakes, recognize the things i need to change and make sure i don't keep repeating the same patterns. but i also don't want to spend the rest of my life punishing myself for who i used to be. there's a difference between holding yourself accountable and constantly reminding yourself of your mistakes until you can't even enjoy the things you once loved anymore, and i feel like i've been stuck doing the latter.

has anyone else gone through something similar? how do you move on from past mistakes and bad experiences without feeling like you've wasted years of your life? especially when it comes to fandoms, how do you separate the good memories from the negative experiences and learn to enjoy things again without constantly cringing at your past self? and how do you find new interests or keep yourself occupied when nothing really feels enjoyable rn?

i just want to find myself again, grow into someone i'm actually comfortable with and finally have some peace. i want to be able to look back at my past without letting it define me forever, and remember the things that once made me happy without feeling guilty abt any of it 💔

I’m really struggling right now just all together. For reference I’m 17 and a girl. I’m a junior in high school. I’m so sad it hurts so much. There’s so much damn stuff. My dad is a diagnosed anti social personality, and he treats me like it. He only has visitation these days but we talk a lot on the phone and I just even after finding out from a court that he physically can’t I just desperately want him to love me. I feel so worthless I can’t do anything to make me satisfied with me. My mom is like my best friend, she is dying from early onset dementia. She has sacrificed everything for me and I still am such a burden to her. I convinced her get some cats a while back and it’s made her living quality so bad. I’m so whiney and I get like when you’re a teenagers you’re moody but it’s so bad. I think it’s because she’s the only one I feel safe with so I like let loose around her but it of course back fires and I feel like just shit. Today I went to bed too late and she needs to go to bed at 9:30, I went to bed at 10 and she was just saying how she feels like I don’t care about her and how it hurts her feelings. She told me I’m killing her more each time I keep her up late because it’s speeding up the dementia. I can’t even be mad, it’s true. It makes me so sad. I can’t survive without her and I feel so bad. She will probably die before she gets to get out of this town she’s been trapped in because of my dad and me. She hasn’t seen her family in 10 years. I’m so devastated. I don’t have any friends besides one. That friend I’m madly in love with them but they don’t like me back and it just adds that extra layer of pain to my day. I wish I could just get over that one thing because it taints how I feel about gay friendship and it’s really e only good relationship I have left. They spend every lunch with their boyfriend anyway so I spend every lunch alone and I don’t talk in class so I basically am silent until I get home and then it’s always something. No one ever talks to me and I am the only one to blame. My heart is breaking by this whole thing. How do I stop feeling so lonely at least? Please any advice I’m so desperate.

I don't know if this'll get approved, but I really need practical advice from someone who has experienced loneliness. My life's running in a day-to-day circle: office-home, then waiting for the weekend. No social life. Tried the gym, but that didn't work out (although I wasn't very regular either).

Anyhow, I feel like it's not about the activities or financial situation, as I make a good living, but something's missing from my life, and it's making me more depressed day by day. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

What do you do when after 6 long years you still wake up every single day and wish to see her walk through the door all while you know she’s living her best life in another town?

I know there is a family cares about me, there is my friends I hang out with. But I don't have a gf and for this reason I feel lonely. And for this this reason I feel like a selfish piece of sh*t. I was left by a girl 3 years ago and for some reason I couldn't overcome this and been depressive since that day. Is there anyone who feels the same way as me?

it's so fucking annoying. and its getting worse again. comparing myself to what i used to be and ignoring the big improvements i've made.

i get into episodes of drowning myself in emotions and how bad the last few years were.

i'm weirdly not a mess right now. i'm doing everything right in my daily life. i've even started a small business and gone and started doing even more freelancing work while studying. i make a lot of money now and money doesn't even matter anymore.

but its so hard to deal with the idea that i blew it with someone i genuinely saw all the qualities i wanted in a person. its so fucking hard and it keeps popping up out of nowhere. im the kind of person who's been a loverboy, and left people when i saw no growth or improvement. being the person whose been struggling, not improving, not growing, for over a year is just so different for me. it feels like karma or that i deserve it.

i loathe myself for the last year. and i find it so weird that i can completely live my life and do well in every single aspect and still struggle because of this. a lot of my life has been struggling with the living and not struggling with relationships. relationships were always my forte. i do fully understand that i have been through hell in terms of pressure, that nearly no one my age has gone through half the things i've gone through because of my dysfunctional family. but boy oh boy does it fucking hurt like hell to know that out there, someone i've adored thinks so little of me.

i dont have to try anymore to remind myself that im not what she thinks i am, but these episodes of sadness just hit so fast and so hard when im alone again.

everything feels so weird. and i feel like maybe i shouldn't share my issues again. and sometimes i feel like i should share everything. and sometimes it feels like i should hide the stuff that isn't affecting my life anymore. i don't know right now. i'm still just all sorts of screwed up right now but i know i'll be fine. i've been talking to people in the way i used to talk. i've not been struggling with answering stressful questions about my past anymore, the way i used to last year. i'm not scared anymore. but i just feel like i don't deserve love right now. it's just a feeling and it'll pass. but it's there and i can't do anything about it but thug through it.

i'll get over it. maybe not entirely. maybe i'll never get to give the gift or have another conversation. but i'll be able to move on and tell people about her someday when i'm older. i think i'll be alone for a good while longer atleast though.

i stopped wanting answers a long time ago because i know my excuses and i know when ive not been heard. i know ive made it hard for her.

but i cant let myself be eaten up by this even further. im mostly happy and healthy after a really long time. and i will keep getting happier and healthier all over again, until i feel that i deserve it.

i've been on social media less, and i'll probably stop being on it altogether. making a difference locally is really just... it just fills you up with joy man. to see people doing better, doing well.

ig thats my rant, atleast the one im able to post without feeling like a hopeless jerk
i like keeping my relationships and my corny shit as private as possible. so there's that. i posted way more on some other site, where i cant get comments/messages. idek why im typing all this shit out tbh LMFAO but im gonna stop here. thanks for reading ig

There is a person who had a great inpact in my life when i was having a really bad time, he helped me so much and i admire him a lot because he reprents a lot who i want to be in life. I used to have a dependence on him because when i was with him it was the only moment i felt safe and also i learned a lot because of him, he was like my mentor. It wasnt healthy because i was always waiting to the next time i could see him and it was not good for me to do that. Last time i saw him was like two years ago because i moved to study and we stoped crossing paths, we kept talking the first months, but then not much. I still mis him sometimes and i kinda feel ashamed about it because i think i shouldnt miss him that much. I dont know if i should keep talking to them and everything, in part because i am scared of bothering him and because i dont know if its good. Now i am a lot better mentally, but i still think of him as a mentor that i admire and want to learn from. If i should forget him, is there any tip on how to do it?

I'm 25 years old (girl) a university graduate, and currently working. I live alone in a boarding place.

When I'm alone like this, I sometimes feel really low mentally. I don't have a close friend I can share my thoughts and feelings with. I don't have a partner either, and I've never been in a serious relationship.

Sometimes, I feel like people don't like me. I see my friends getting married one by one, and it makes me feel like I'm falling behind in life while everyone else is moving forward. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place while everyone around me is progressing.

I don't know what I should do. I want someone who loves me, cares about me, listens to me, and shares their life with me. Sometimes, I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I've never experienced that kind of love.

Maybe I feel these things more intensely because I'm always alone. I tend to overthink a lot, and I really want to stop feeling this way.

Are there any others who have been through a similar situation? How do you deal with these feelings? How can I overcome loneliness and stop overthinking so much?

I'd really appreciate your honest advice. ❤️

I genuinely do not know what to do.

So basically, I've recently come out of a depressive low, started doing things, living for once. I planned to tell her next week. And now I just got a text from one of my friends saying hes with her now.

I'm happy for the two, yes, but I genuinely do not know how to handle this, how to look at either of them. I dont know how im supposed to talk to him next time I see him. I genuinely feel like I was just stripped of everything.

All roads lead to the old friendships you had as a young girl. Bella was her name. Or atleast it is for the sake of this post. Self harm, disorder eating, absent fathers, jokes, and memes were all of the things we bonded over in our beautiful friendship. It felt as if I had someone who understood me during a rough patch in my life. Fast forward 7 years I still miss her. I text her and I’m left on delivered for months. I think she is on social media as often. The thing is that I’m 20 years old obsessed with a friendship that ended 7 years ago after drifting apart. And I’m probably the only person that’s is always thinking about the friendship, the connection and the laughs. I never had a friend like that again during high-school. I’m high-school I had a lot of casual friends that I talked to in school but not outside. In all my 4 years of high school I only hung out with 1 person outside of school. And she wasn’t the greatest friend at the time but I can take what I can get. I am really lonely, I have no close friends and I create imaginary scenarios in my head where I have conversations with people from high-school and middle school despite never seeing them in 2-7 years. It’s so pathetic to snap out of these and realize I’m just lonely. I think it’s a combination of not meeting the right people and being a friend to all but never having close friends. I’m so lonely. Even worse when I go out and see people with thier group of friends. That’s all I wanted.

Hey someone wants to talk?please

Im 27y Man From Croatia in Europe i really just need someone to talk to im really thinking bad.

hi everyone I’m 23 year old woman and I want to get out of this dark hole I’ve found myself in. I’m already on medication, seeing a therapist biweekly (for the past two years), have told my mom and some friends and do things to increase dopamine (reading, weightlifting, eating nutritional meals). despite all this, I feel so hopeless that I will get better and I think the main thing I struggle with is loneliness and adjusting to my new job. I joined a company for the experience just for 3 years but after my first week I already hate it so much, it takes up so much of the day, only 5% of this intake are people of colour, and people don’t seem to understand my sense of humour so I feel like I have to dilute my personality to interact with others. when it comes to friends outside work, I have a few but they all have friends they are closer with, which isnt a problem at all and I’m grateful for them regardless. but when I constantly see them go on holiday or make halloween plans with their main friend group and I’m left with nothing to do and nowhere to go, it really hurts, especially because I’m bi and my family doesn’t know/accept it so there’s a huge desire to create found family with friendship where I can be queer and myself freely you know? I promise I’m kind, caring and don’t trauma dump at all on anyone, especially new friends, and I always try to put myself out there but I still feel like I’ve collected a few acquaintances but no one who belongs comfortable in my inner circle. It makes my heart ache realising that when my coworkers get off work they’ll have friends to meet up with or a partner to go home to and I just have to begin the process of distracting myself from mean thoughts until I go to bed. im so scared that depression will take my “best years” away from me as well and ill look back at myself now with disappointment :( but i promise im doing my best. I really want to try and beat this, but I dont know what I’m missing or doing wrong. can anyone help me find out what might make it easier, even just a mindset shift? thank you for reading!

Im 17F and honestly don’t even know where to start because so much has happened in such a short amount of time. Within a matter of days I lost two people I genuinely thought would be in my life long term, left my job, and moved from Arizona to Kansas with almost no preparation. I’m trying to understand what happened, especially with my two friends, and whether I completely ruined these friendships or if there was more going on.

For context, I was living in Arizona with my mom and our relationship was extremely unhealthy and abusive. There had been years of problems at home, and I was dealing with a lot emotionally. I had also dropped out of high school earlier this year after falling behind academically and going through a really painful friendship breakup with someone I’d known for years.

Despite all that, I was actually starting to build a life for myself. I’ve always been really passionate about cars, especially MINIs, and I had gotten into working in the automotive industry. I’d worked at Discount Tire and had recently started working full time at O’Reilly Auto Parts. I was making my own money, working on my car, going to car events, and saving toward buying a second project car.

Around five months ago, I met a guy I’ll call T (18M) we met due to me posting I was suicidal and he asked if I wanted to go for a drive and he paid for my gas. When I first met T, I had absolutely no romantic interest in him. I thought he was a cool person who liked cars and seemed genuinely interested in helping me. At the time, we weren’t really close for 3 months and I’d just text him sometimes.

In August We started talking regularly and hung out several times over the following months. He helped me find an oil leak on my car, invited me to a concert, offered to help me find better employment, and even offered to let me stay with him once I turned 18 because he knew how bad things were at home.

He was also there for me during a really frightening experience when I had a bad reaction to THC. I was extremely disoriented and panicking, and he stayed on the phone with me and tried to help me through it.

He genuinely seemed to care about my wellbeing. He would give me advice, check on me, and sometimes go out of his way to help me even when I hadn’t asked.

I also met another guy through him who I’ll call J. J was closer to T, but we had our own friendship independently. When I first met J, I gave him $67 toward tires because he needed help, and I didn’t expect him to pay me back.

J was actually the person who got me interested in applying to O’Reilly. After I got hired, he helped explain what to expect and what I needed to do. We also went to a concert together with T.
At this point, I genuinely thought both of these people were going to be long term friends. I had no reason to think otherwise.

Over time, though, I started developing romantic feelings for T. I think part of it was because he’d been there for me during such a difficult time. I became really attached to him, and I started caring a lot about what he thought of me. I’d post stuff ab cars hoping he’d see them, and sometimes I’d even think about modifying my car or buying another one partly because I wanted him to be impressed.

I still genuinely loved cars before meeting him, but his attention became something I looked forward to.
Eventually, our friendship started feeling different.
T worked extremely long hours, sometimes around 12 hours a day, and we weren’t seeing each other much anymore. The last time we hung out in person was at the end of August, even though we continued talking afterward.

I started feeling like he didn’t have time for me anymore. Sometimes he’d react to something I sent instead of actually having a conversation, or he’d take a long time to respond. I became increasingly frustrated because I missed how things had been when we first met.

At one point I asked him if we were still good, and he sent me a long response apologizing for being distant. He explained that work had been exhausting, that he wasn’t intentionally ignoring me, and that he didn’t want me to drop him as a friend.
Looking back, I think I was already becoming way too emotionally dependent on his attention.
Eventually, a few days ago I decided to confess that I liked him as more than a friend.

He sent me a lengthy response explaining that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He said it wasn’t necessarily that he didn’t like me or find me attractive, but that he was focused on his career, finances, and his own mental state. He also said he generally preferred older partners and didn’t want me waiting around for him because he didn’t see himself wanting a serious relationship until he was older.

He also talked about wanting sexual experiences without necessarily wanting a committed relationship, which confused me at the time because I couldn’t tell why he was bringing it up.
I was devastated.

I think what made it worse was that I hadn’t originally wanted a relationship with him. I genuinely valued the friendship, and now I felt like I’d complicated something that had been good.
Around the same time, things at home with my mom were getting worse.

There was a situation where she was trying to force me to go with my grandfather, and I felt like I couldn’t keep living there. I’d talked about potentially moving to my dad’s house in Kansas before, but it had always been more of a possibility than a definite plan.

Then everything happened almost at once.
Between the situation with my mom and the emotional fallout with T, I reached a breaking point. I decided to leave Arizona and move to Kansas to live with my dad.

It wasn’t some carefully planned move where I had months to prepare, transfer jobs, or say goodbye to everyone. I went from living and working in Arizona to suddenly leaving the state within an extremely short period of time.

I left behind my full time job at O’Reilly, my familiar surroundings, the car community I’d gotten involved with, and pretty much my entire social life.
And I genuinely believe that if things hadn’t fallen apart with T, I probably would have stayed in Arizona despite the problems at home. He was one of the only reasons I still felt connected to my life there.

During all of this, T and I ended up having a really bad argument. I was upset about the rejection, how distant he’d become, and everything happening in my life. I started questioning whether he’d ever genuinely cared about me or whether he’d just been saying things to make me feel better.
I accused him of not being sincere about our friendship.

He responded with long messages defending himself. He explained that he’d genuinely wanted to make my life better and that he’d tried to be the kind of supportive friend he wished he’d had when he was depressed . He seemed frustrated that I was questioning everything he’d done for me.
He also made comments about me being emotionally unstable in his initial rejection message partly because of things I’d told him about my personal life, and those comments really hurt me.

The conversation escalated, and eventually I sent him a pretty harsh goodbye message. I basically told him I was done with the friendship and questioned his intentions. He read it and didn’t respond. He also unfollowed me.

Something that makes me feel particularly guilty is that only about two days before all of this, he’d sent me $100 to help with transportation. Even with everything going on, he had still been willing to help me financially.

After I got to Kansas and had some time to process what happened, I started feeling horrible about the things I’d said. I realized that regardless of how hurt I was, it wasn’t fair to accuse him of never caring when he’d spent months helping me in ways he absolutely didn’t have to.

So I decided to send him a long apology on Instagram. I told him that I knew I’d been unfair, that I appreciated everything he’d done, and that I recognized he’d genuinely cared about me. I explained that I was overwhelmed and that part of me had been pushing him away because losing him and leaving Arizona was so painful. I also admitted that I’d said things I didn’t actually believe because I was hurt.

However, I started the apology by saying that I still didn’t think we should talk again. I wasn’t necessarily asking to restart the friendship. I mainly wanted him to know that I regretted how I’d treated him and that his kindness hadn’t gone unnoticed.
He opened the message and left it on seen.
No reaction, no acknowledgment, nothing.
I eventually deleted the apology and blocked him because I couldn’t stop thinking about whether he’d respond.

Then something else happened that confused me even more. J the other friend who’d helped me get my job at O’Reilly, had actually been friendly toward me after I moved. He reached out asking where I’d gone, and I explained that I’d moved because of problems at home. He offered some suggestions and told me to stay safe.

We never had an argument. I never told him about my romantic feelings for T, and as far as I know, I hadn’t done anything to upset him. But after several days of not talking, I randomly noticed that J had unfollowed me on Instagram and removed me from his followers too.

This happened at the same period that T had read my apology.

Considering how close J and T are, I strongly suspect that T told him about our falling out and that J decided to distance himself because of it.
I can’t prove that, but the timing feels too connected to ignore, especially because J and I had been on perfectly good terms before.
I ended up blocking J too.

Now I’m in Kansas living with my dad, which is a healthier living situation than what I had with my mom, but I feel completely lost.

I don’t have a job here yet, I don’t have friends here, and I miss Arizona constantly.
I miss my old job, driving around familiar places, going to car events, and having people to share things with.

I’ve also noticed that my passion for cars has felt less exciting lately, which is really upsetting because cars were something I loved long before meeting T. I think I got so used to wanting him to see what I was doing that now everything feels different without him watching.

What hurts the most is that I never originally wanted any of this to happen. I didn’t meet T hoping to date him. I met someone I thought was a genuinely good friend, and I thought we’d probably stay friends for years.

Now I wish I’d never developed feelings for him or confessed anything. I wish we could’ve just continued being friends, talking about cars, and hanging out like we used to. I also feel guilty because I know I contributed to the friendship ending. I don’t think he deserved some of the things I said, especially considering how much he’d helped me.

I’m also confused about J because I genuinely don’t understand why someone who had helped me so much and had been friendly toward me would suddenly remove me when we hadn’t even argued.
I know these friendships only lasted a few months, but losing them at the exact same time as leaving my entire life behind has been affecting me more than I expected.

I feel like I went from having a job, plans, friends, and things to look forward to, to suddenly having almost none of those things.
I guess I’m looking for outside perspectives on the entire situation.

Do you think T probably genuinely cared about me and eventually got fed up with how I was acting? Does leaving my apology on seen mean he dislikes me now, or could he just be respecting the fact that I said we shouldn’t talk again?
Do you think J probably heard about what happened from T and decided to take his side?
And from an outside perspective, how serious is this whole situation actually? Did I lose two meaningful friendships, or am I giving these people way more importance than the relationships themselves warranted?

And most importantly how do I move on from this my life feels super empty now and idk how to stop thinking ab them or regretting confessing to him I’ve lost a lot of friends and this has added to the insecurity. I also moved to a very small town in Kansas and am concerned I won’t be able to make any friends.

Hello,

I'm a female, between 55 - 65 years of age, and living close to Vancouver, Canada. My main chronic health issues are depression and anxiety.

I wanted to put more effort into finding a female friend from Reddit. In the past I have tried other websites.

I tend to have low energy.

I want to set small intentions with someone, so I don't feel overwhelmed by the process of us getting to know each other and socializing.

I'm tired of not being able to express my real self to the people I interact with offline.

If you are interested, say hi here. I'm not open to DM's for now.

Thanks for reading.

How do you deal with loneliness? Specially as an immigrant that is alone and almost breaking up a 3 year old relationship. :(((

I don't know how y'all will react to this after seeing my post.

In Class 12, I was in a relationship with the serious intention of building a future together and making her a permanent part of my life. For some reason, we broke up, and now we have no contact with each other.

Whenever I try to talk to another girl, she suddenly shows up and says things like, "Yeah, go ahead! Haha, now you need a new girl."

I try to ignore all of this, but suddenly, I start experiencing severe chest pain and pressure.

How do I deal with this problem?

i’ll make this as brief as i can. about 18 months ago, i went through the worst heartbreak i’ve ever experience and although i dont like the word, caused a bit of trauma. then, in july of this year, i finally met someone who i really liked and thought it would go somewhere with him. he’s been single for 4 years and is fiercely independent. in august, he communicated that he was having a bit of a wobble about not knowing where his head was at due to being alone for so long but told me i ticked all the boxes and that i was the first person he made it past the first date with in the whole time he’d been single. i told him if he decided he wanted to continue, he could message me after his holiday but if he didn’t, i didn’t want to hear from him again as i couldn’t deal with rejection right now.

as soon as he got back, he messaged and we’d seen each other a few times and had a really nice time. i’ve now been ghosted. we were meant to have plans on the weekend and when i messaged to find out a time, i got no response and still haven’t. it’s been a week since he last messaged. i struggle with injustice anyway but this has left me with heartache, anger and anxiety to the point where my chest feels tight and i have to take deep breaths. how do i shift these horrible feelings asap? i don’t want to keep feeling like this, it makes me feel pathetic and i shouldn’t let a man make me feel like this

im starting to do better in life again. im detaching from everyone who isnt a day 1.

i keep dreaming about the love i lost now that my mind is more free

it sucks a lot but I'm getting over it

im beginning to feel happy in the fact that im studying for 8+ hours everyday without body doubling, focus timers, etc. I'm pretty much self motivating from getting the right answers now. it's amazing.

I've always managed to scrape by with exams and pull 90% but now I feel like I can get 99% and even study ahead for the next exam (I'm not in school or university, I'm preparing for an entrance exam but i meant it figuratively)

it's not disheartening anymore that im alone again, because im doing my best now for my health and myself, the way I needed to

i shouted at my dad and called out his double standards and his unreasonable treatment of me. i don't know how i managed to accumulate the vast knowledge i have in various fields despite being basically neglected and having to figure out life all on my own while my brother has support and structure.

ive been asking my dad for a year now to use one software and coordinate things he wants me to do over there.

he asked me how to use the tables.

mind you, he worked in multinational companies and governments, managing DATABASES. he works with tables everyday. it's his job.

I've been checked out ever since, autopiloting through life. I couldn't give any less of a shit.

i just realised the point of the year why my autopiloting started and when I started fucking up everything even harder.

my mind gets hit with floods of memories and promises and plans i wanted and now I'm empty inside.

i also realised that ive never had someone break up with me before. I've always been the one breaking up with people. so it feels extremely weird knowing that I became like some of the people I've broken up with and feel their pain. but it was over text. and i think that made it worse. i don't think I've ever done it over text except one time where there was some weird shit going on in my life and it was mutual.

there was this one ex who reached out to me last year in order to apologise. I've talked to her like 3 times since then but I realise that I don't want her in my life. i also don't want to be direct about not wanting her in my life because its not like there's actually anything to lose. but I know that I don't want her to be able to reach me. i broke up with her and we remained friends for 2 years until I found out about some unforgivable stuff that she did. when she apologised last year, I was already in that autopilot state. i never got the chance to explain that to my then girlfriend, now ex. and it kinda bums me out because what the hell was i thinking?? and then it bums me out even more because I wasn't even thinking at all???? ah whatever

idk, I'm just taking back control of my life after dealing with the shit my family put me through.

i deactivated and deleted most social media and ill start purging people who have no interest in my life

i want people of value in my life

i want to be seen, and i know now that people weren't willing to see me through my pain. i have started to gracefully detach from them. i enjoy small moments of calm again. there was this video which told me to try to predict my next thought. it works so well for clearing up my head that I'm basically addicted to doing it. there's also this habit of violently shaking my hands. that feels so good too. better than trembling as stress relief.

i don't watch pornography anymore either. or masturbate. i think it was a compulsive coping mechanism for the last few years. i feel good about stopping.

that's it for now, in still improving.

i love life.

I was an abuse survivor. My internal system constantly scans for threat the moment everything goes quiet and I’m sick of it. I am always have to be doing something to distract myself from the fact that there might be threats coming at me. I’m tired of always trying to distract myself and finding ways for so. Any, anyy advice on this would be appreciated. Or just a slap fact that I always will be needing to do this to survive is alright too..

Why does it have to hurt like this?

Why do I keep on allowing myself to hurt this way?

I just want to wake up and go on with my day without any thoughts of him. I just want to wipe away all the unwelcome thoughts.

I want to leave everyone's life. My family, most of my friends, my relatives, just everyone in general I only value a few people in my life and I want to forget about everyone else. But im kinda at the very beginning of all of this. Where do I start? How do I convince people that I'm slowly leaving and that I won't come back?(I also don't care about their feelings. I've been hurt throughout my childhood and I had enough.)

Hii i am here to talk about some serious issues regarding my mental health , i am searching for help online i don’t have anyone to talk .

​When I was 16 years old, my friend passed away from overdose. Since then, everything has been going downhill for me, and I can't seem to get better. I take my anger out on other people and even my family and make so many mistakes. Recently, I met a girl I felt good with she made me feel the best I've felt in a long time. One day we were out drinking; she got drunk and started laughing at me about my best friend's death and calling me weak. I tried therapy, but I can't bring myself to commit and trust it enough to let them help me.

I was watching an episode of S.W.A.T. where Victor Tan was going through heartbreak, and something about it hit a little too close to home.
The difference is that Tan has a support system. He’s got his squad, his commander, and Hondo in his corner. People who can recognize when he’s struggling and help him get through it.
Me? I’ve been dealing with my own heartbreak mostly alone.
I’m not going to pretend it’s been easy. Some days are better than others. Some days I feel like I’m making real progress, and other days the memories come back and I find myself missing what I once had. Healing has a funny way of reminding you that progress doesn’t mean you’ll never hurt again.
But I’m learning that healing isn’t a straight line.
You can be doing better and still have bad days. You can accept that something is over and still miss it. You can be rebuilding your life and still have moments when you wish things had turned out differently.
None of that means you’re back at square one.
I’ve had moments when my emotions nearly got the better of me at work. I’ve had to take accountability, make amends, and work on myself. It hasn’t been pretty, but I’m in a much better place today than I was before. My relationships with the people around me have improved, too.
And I’m proud of that.
I’ve learned a lot from having to sit with my own thoughts and feelings. Being alone has forced me to reflect, grow, and learn things about myself that I might have otherwise avoided. In that sense, this experience has built character.
But I want to be clear about something: just because I’ve been working through this alone doesn’t mean you have to.
If you’re going through heartbreak and feel like the pain is too much to carry, please reach out to someone. A trusted friend, a family member, a therapist, or even a support community where you can talk openly without being judged.
There’s no shame in admitting you’re struggling. There’s no weakness in asking someone to listen. And you don’t have to wait until you’re at your breaking point before you let someone know you’re hurting.
Sometimes we get so caught up in trying to be strong that we forget we’re allowed to need people, too.
I’m not writing this for attention, sympathy, or internet points. I’m writing it because I know there are people out there going through the same thing, lying awake at night, wondering if things will ever feel normal again.
I can’t promise you that healing will happen overnight. I can’t tell you how long it’ll take. And I won’t pretend that one day you’ll wake up and every memory will suddenly stop hurting.
But I can tell you that your current pain doesn’t have to be your permanent reality.
Keep showing up for yourself. Take accountability when you need to. Let yourself feel what you feel. Celebrate the small victories. And when things get too heavy, let someone help you carry them.
I’m still healing. I’m still figuring things out. I’m not at the finish line, and I don’t have all the answers.
But I’m getting by. I’m growing. And I’m in a better place than I was before.
If you’re reading this while you’re struggling with your own heartbreak, I hope you give yourself the same patience you’d give someone you love.
You don’t have to be completely healed to be making progress. You just have to keep taking the next step.
There’s still a life waiting for you beyond this pain.
And I hope one day you get to look back and realize just how far you’ve come.