I(f26)'ve always thought that I was asexual until I've broken up with my last bf and started thinking about my sexuality more.

I've understood that I do feel sexual attraction just towards people that are usually not interested in me at all. I'm a bit nerdy and autistic (hope I don't sound like a cliche) and I usually had matches with the same type of men. And they tend to not care about their looks, most of them are overweight or lack personal hygiene (not to over generalize but like 9 out of 10 guys with similar interests as me share these features) I'm the opposite and looking attractive is highly important for me, I keep my figure, always style my hair, very particular about my clothes, do make up and is hyper focused on my hygiene.

I used to think "well I'm asexual so it's OK that I don't feel any type of physical attraction to this guy, but he seems nice, so I should talk to him" and then I'd end up dreading the idea of having sex.

I stopped doing that and matched with a guy that I found really hot, but now I feel like an annoying little weasel, bothering him. We met after work and I thought we clicked pretty well, he asked me to go out on the weekend again, and then he told me that he's busy. He apologized and we rescheduled meeting but still I feel like he's not one bit interested in me.

Most of my matches now are the guys trying to have sex with me, or situations like that, when I have to carry the whole conversation and the guy isn't even pretending to be interested in talking.

I guess the guys I like are out of my league and I won't be repeating the "give a chance to a guy who you don't find attractive" mistake, so until the fate will bring someone my way I'll be single

Sorry for rumbling I was just thinking about that a lot.

P. S.

Yes I can see the irony in the fact that I'm "the unattractive person they are giving a chance" now :)

I’m a 45M who’s been out of the dating scene for quite a while, and I’ve been considering giving speed dating a try.

On one hand, it seems like a great way to meet people without dealing with dating apps. On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder if I’m just finding a more efficient way to get rejected.

Instead of spreading the disappointment over six months, I could knock it all out in 20 minutes and still have the rest of my evening free.

Has anyone actually had success with speed dating, especially in their 40s? Is it worth trying, or am I just signing up for rejection with better time management?

My partner and I recently talked about this, and we had a little bit of a debate over whether or not it’s OK to have sex in somebody else’s house. I said if you’re going somewhere to stay with your parents as an example for a long period of time with your partner, then I think it’s reasonable to have sex if you’re visiting someone for an extended period of time, like, say, more than a week. But he thinks it’s absolutely rude to have sex in somebody else’s house under any circumstances. I told him that as long as you’re clean and quiet, it shouldn’t matter.

Also, obviously if you have your own Bedroom and not be on the couch but after seeing some comments I fear I had to explicitly say that.

I always see devotees getting dragged or being called disgusting for having a disability fetish/kink. So I would like to give an unpopular perspective: I (29F, chronic wheelchair user) personally would completely be open to dating or being intimate with a devotee (ofc if I’m attracted to them).

Disability fetish is just like any other fetish so I don’t get why it needs to be shamed. Like men who call themselves “ass guys” or “tits guys” do not receive this type of hate.

Disability and wheelchairs have such a negative connotation in all of society and media. We are hardly ever represented as attractive or desirable, and in fact, constantly reminded by ableism that our situation is undesirable. And dating with a visible disability is hard af!!!

So yes I like devotees because they make me feel attractive and desirable. If you’re not into it, that’s totally fine, but do not be a hater to those that are and quit bullying devotees.

And for people who say “they only like your disability not you”, I disagree because I see it the same way as someone having any other type such as only liking brunettes, blondes, or certain other physical features.
The disability IS a part of me so if they like my disability that means they are liking a huge part of me and what percolates every area of my life. No it does not make me feel objectified. No it is not ableist to me.

And for folks who claim devotees are dangerous, I say they are not more dangerous than someone who is not a devotee. That’s just a stereotype.

I was seeing a guy for four months and we ended things because he doesn’t think the distance would work between us. We were just seeing each other casually and it wasn’t like serious. But we are mature enough to have a conversation about Better, we think the distance would work. I said it would have both people think so but given how he was pulling back because of the distance, I asked him if he doesn’t think so and he confirmed that he think it’s not right to continue. And we had we had an emotional and clean goodbye, but I left the door open. No, I can’t stop thinking whether he change his mind as I told him if things change or he changes his mind let me know

Granted I'm (40F) not actively looking for anyone right now, and I am growing more content in my aloneness, I am open to the possibility of someone complementing my life as it is. But I also know that I do not need a relationship in my life to be happy. What I need is connection.

I hear a lot of people saying "I'm going to die alone," I mean philosophically speaking that is actually true. But we can always learn to live with connection while alive, to ourselves and others, through social activities, community organizations, etc..

The way I explore connection with myself is I put away my phone and do things alone, while kindly observing how I feel in the process. Like I go to concerts alone, go for walks alone at a nearby public park (while practicing good safety precautions ofc). Just last week I went to an electronic music DJ show alone and danced by myself and just felt the music. It was honestly so much fun! The way I explore connection with others is being open, introducing myself to others, engaging in some small talk, finding common ground, and fostering deeper connections in the various communities I'm a part of.

And just keep your mind focused on doing things you love. Maybe even try to build some mastery in something that you like. For me, I'm learning to draw and I practice the skills that my instructor has taught us so far.

If while doing all of this, you meet someone along the way, fine, but if not fine too, and you still have yourself and your connections. Also life is more serendipitous than you think...be receptive to that.

Something I've noticed about myself recently is that my closest female friends are already in relationships, while I tend to become shy and or avoidant around women in our friend group who are single. I've always struggled with insecurity and intimacy in my relationships and friendships, especially in dating. It often takes me a long time to warm up to people in general, but this is especially true with women. Despite this, some of my best friends are women who I met while they were already exclusive or I got closer to them after they became exclusive. I think this is because I feel less anxiety about my dating anxiety when dating is out of the question. if that makes sense? I feel like I am good at making friends and getting along with people, but I'm very insecure about my own emotions or coming off weird when I find myself interested in someone even slightly. And then I become avoidant which isnt healthy. It's easier for me to make friends with other men, and women who I know wouldnt have any interest in me because I know I dont have to confront my own feelings. Ultimately I want to become better in all my relationships, meet new people, and hopefully someday start dating when I'm ready. But I really struggle accepting and being seen having feelings for other people. I would like to know if anyone has similar experiences or could offer advice. Thank you!

A few years ago , living in Canada, I had a few (great) dates with someone but times were complicated and it didn’t work out. Every once in a while we texted (I initiated it) for a few months after that but we never met again. Again, things in our lives were complicated. I moved away from the province and country but couldn’t stop thinking about him and now that I’ll be back I thought maybe I’d reach out if he fancied a coffee and chat. Do you think it’s creepy that years after we last talked I’d still reach out? No idea what his relationship status is, and I’m not sure if I wanted anything romantic anyway. We had the best conversations as in so many levels we were very similar and understood what it was like to be in each other’s shoes going through the same life events. If someone from your past had fond memories of you and reached out would you be freaked out or would it rather feel nice? By the way I don’t have his number and the only way to reach out would be looking him up on social media.

For me there's always only been "dating" or "friends". Dating is a romantic relationship and friends is a platonic relationship. But I read about people talking about all of these different stages. I'd like to know what stages you use, what they mean, and what the value in defining different stages is?

One thing I do understand is exclusive vs poly, where in exclusive you'll date just the one person and poly you can date others. But others I don't understand, For example, some people say "talking stage", which sometimes seems like a lie since they also mention doing more than just talking, it sounds like there is romantic activity, and spend time together, so I'd call it dating. But then I also hear about just the word "relationship" like that means something different (you have some sort of relationship with everybody you know); I hear "official", but officially what?; I hear "committed", but committed to what (a lot of people don't even actually commit in marriage and still divorce)? I hear "we're now girlfriend/boyfriend" but what actually changed?

I guess technically marriage is a stage too, but that one I get what the difference is, the people have legally bound themselves and/or bound themselves before God to be together forever (though some people clearly lie about that too!)

So I've heard terms like that used, but never clearly stated any difference between what any of those mean, it all sounds like what I call dating. Is there value in all of these other words?

I 23M have been single for over a year. I had some relationships through highschool and college. Since then it’s been hard to socialize and meet women. I’ve used the dating apps for quite a while and honestly got tired of the humiliation. I’m a 6’5 guy who wears glasses and has a beard. I try to have good hygiene, I workout (despite still looking slimmer with some stomach fat), and I have my finances in order.

Growing up my dream has simply been to be a husband and father. I consider myself a romantic because I truly enjoy the idea of love. I enjoy learning about someone’s interests, hardships, insecurities, and everything else about them. I want to connect with a woman on a deep level and simply love her.

Being single and seeing friends get married feels isolating. I know when people get married soon kids come then bam I’m out of their lives pretty much. I understand this is just the nature of things. I feel so undesired and like something is wrong with me.

I try to have a positive attitude but I’m honestly not a confident man. I feel insecure about my looks, humor, personality, etc. I also try to not let dating be my life’s purpose but it’s simply something I crave.

I crave sex again, love, cuddling, emotions, connecting, etc. I wish to be desired and told I’m important. I wish to truly connect with someone who loves the little parts of me and who makes a good effort. I’m trying to simply cope with my loneliness or feelings of envy. I often wonder why I’m experiencing this.

Emotions is something that have felt complicated to me a lot. I wish to feel safe to be emotionally vulnerable. It’s been used against me in relationships. I do miss being vulnerable with someone and them simply loving me and my heart. I enjoy gift giving, supporting, encouraging, and simply serving a partner.

I just wish I could have love in my life.

I’m a 31 year old guy. Admittedly, my dating experience is pretty limited. I’ve had one girlfriend before, but that’s it. I guess there’s a little shame that comes along with my history, but I’m still proud of who I am. I’ve never been a “hookup” guy.

I recently started exploring the world of dating apps, since it’s been something a lot of people seem to push as the only way to date in 2026 (I don’t really believe that, but I was willing to at least try it out on trial basis). I was shocked that some of the conversations centered around STD testing, and whether or not I would be willing to get tested.

Maybe I’m just out of touch, but that felt like an extremely forward question to ask someone to you don’t even know. There’s nothing wrong with looking out for yourself and your health, but the honest truth is that I don’t know you. If we go on a date, I still don’t know you. Beginning a sexual relationship is not even entering my thought process at this point.

I would be more receptive to having a discussion about this later on when it seems more natural to do so, but I find it really bizarre to be asking someone about this casually in a conversation on an app. It makes me feel like there’s almost no point in continuing since there’s a clear assumption that I am a hookup guy.

I get the impression that nobody will agree with me, so feel free to discuss.