21M didn't seriously date anyone in high school and didn't date at all my first two years of college.

I met a girl last year who I really vibed with, we had a slow burn talking phase that eventually culminated in us dating for about two months. She was my first kiss, first real sexual and non-sexual intimacy.

Before her I only really wanted someone to cuddle with, I wanted to kiss someone but it wasn't something I longed for. Now I feel like it's an unquenchable thirst within me.

I wanna kiss someone, I want them to straddle and grind on me while we make out. I want a tender kiss to turn into a slow makeout session where the hours slip by without us noticing.

Yeah I want sex too, but I daydream about kissing much more than being fucked. I honestly just really really want to kiss someone. Like I feel almost itchy with how much I want to kiss.

Like the amount of time I'll come across couples where at least one party is fine looking through another's phone is just wild. I broke off with someone instantly because of that before, but Im sure others have done it to me in secrecy. I had someone ask, at least thats fine. The funny thing is I give my passwords to someone Im in a relationship with someone so I probably wouldnt know anyway lol, but even if the person did they'd probably need google translate as its gonna be a bunch of difft languages to filter through anyway. I just cant picture myself looking through ppl's stuff, I dont even wanna hold your phone, its your shit, why in the world would I need to use it. Likely if I have a reason to suspect someone is cheating on me, breaking up is already on the table, but then again I've never been cheated on to my knowledge and Im thankful for that. Although usually its not only ppl with that trauma who go through phones.

I'm F 28, People are usually like "if there's already issues in the first couple months then it's not a good sign" but I think like naturally things will come up that bother you right? Even if it is the honeymoon stage and it's your job to communicate it not sweep it under the rug.

I sometimes feel a bit guilty though for communicating when something bothers me or if there's something i'd like more of, because I feel like I'm the problem if I'm always bringing something up?

Currently on a huge journey of learning to be healthy and secure in relationships so i'd love insight on this.

I’ve been talking to someone on a dating app for three days, and something is telling me I shouldn’t meet him.

First of all, he asked to meet up on the second day of texting, which I thought was too soon, so I told him I couldn’t. After that, he asked me a few more times if I was sure I couldn’t meet him.

He hasn’t asked to exchange phone numbers or connect on any other social media, which I find strange because most men usually ask for that pretty quickly. When I asked him about it, he said we could do that after we met in person.

He actually doesn’t ask me anything about myself, apart from asking if I’m there, and when I ask him questions, he answers with just one or two words. Whatever I’ve asked him, he’s said we can talk about it in person.

I actually know almost nothing about him, apart from the fact that we live in the same city and that he goes to the gym. His excuse is that he’s bad at texting, but texting is important to me.

I have a weird feeling about the whole thing, and I’m even wondering if his profile might be fake. Since we don’t actually have any concrete plans and he just decided on his own that we would meet on Sunday, should I stop talking to him?

Exhibit: my colleague/pal got into a relationship early this year with a new intern at my workplace, and honestly I’m quite envious. I think I haven’t done a good job of hiding it, because it really gets to me sometimes. They live together, and both seem really happy and obsessed with each other.

Mind you, I’m also in a relationship, but I’d say we’re more like good friends than people in love. We both live with our family, and haven’t had sex in almost 5 months lol. I’ve numbed certain hormonal instincts of mine because of this, and I sometimes project my jealousy of my colleagues’ relationship on my bf. I know it’s unhealthy, and I’m thinking of cheating with my ex just so I can feel like a woman again :(

Has meeting on a dating app and chatting for a day then meeting up worked better for anyone? It seems unsafe but I still feel like sometimes it’s just better to get it over with and see if you vibe in person. I’m usually taking a good chunk of time waiting but kind of feeling like it goes wasted.

I have seen in some dating advice that men rarely receive compliments so complimenting them goes a long way. And this is something I see a lot. One post I saw said men only get 20 compliments a year vs 500 for women (which I feel should be higher actually). As a woman with lots of friends, I give my guy friends compliments all the time “oh wow you look great tonight” “oh I like this sweater” “ooo you got new glasses, these look so good”. I also hear my other female friends doing the same. And I hear guys in our friend group complimenting each other as well (I live in LA). So I’m confused by these statistics. Do you guys not have nice friends? Is it because men with mostly male friends don’t give each other compliments. Are you finding that gfs are not complimenting their bfs.

Men, what is your experience like? Do you really not receive compliments? How often do you? And when you do, who is usually giving it to you?

Three years ago, I matched with a woman on a dating app. She was five years older than me. I was 27, and she was 32.

When we started talking, she told me that age wasn’t a big deal, although I looked a little young for her taste. I suggested that we meet up just once and see how it went.

During our conversations, I found out that her favorite band was a band I absolutely loved too. So I decided to take a gamble. I bought two tickets to one of their concerts, took a screenshot, and sent it to her. I told her, “I bought two tickets. If you don’t come, I’ll just go by myself.”
And somehow, it worked.

We met up, went to the concert, and had an amazing day together. We got absolutely wasted and had a great time.

Eventually, it was time to go our separate ways. While we were waiting for her taxi, we were making out like crazy. The only way to separate us would’ve been to pour boiling water on us. I’m serious.
I asked her if we’d see each other again.
She first told me to forget about her. Then she said I looked too young for her. Here is little blury because i cant remember well because of the time gap and alcohol… but she was saying ‘ why you chasing me so much, im a piece of shit, im a mess. Then she told me she married and divorced. I said i dont care.

Anyway Her taxi arrived, and she left.
We had followed each other on Instagram, but she eventually removed me. Six months later, I sent her another follow request, and she blocked me.

Now, two and a half years have passed since then, and strangely enough, I still can’t get her out of my head.
When we first arranged to meet, she’d asked for my phone number so I could share my location with her. I still have her number saved.

I’ve always been the kind of guy who understands when a woman says no. I’ve never harassed a woman or kept pursuing someone who wasn’t interested. I’ve always respected people’s boundaries.

But for some reason, even after three years, I still think about her. And lately, I’ve been considering sending her a message on WhatsApp.
If she doesn’t reply or tells me she’s not interested, that’ll be the end of it. I won’t contact her again.

I’m 30 now, and she’s 35. I want to try my chance. I have one shot. One last try.. Im seeking for the best entry…

So I think what really changed my perspective on relationships was when I was like 18-24 I would put genuinely my best foot forward, refused to see multiple girls at once, I would write cards, get flowers, and it never seemed to work out. I was in a 2 year relationship where she wrote me a card saying how I was the best boyfriend she could ever ask for, listed out the things I would do for her, things like console her in sleep bc she had night terrors, make her life easier, etc.

And after that relationship I couldn’t let go the fact that someone can just decide to leave you without any reason. Granted we were young, I mean she was 22-23, I was 24. And I was talking to a friend about it and she made a great point saying that I have to let it go and once she reached like aged 25-26 something clicked in her where she realized she couldn’t mess around anymore.

Sort of as to say like “let it go, both of us were young and immature, try again.”

And I get that but now I’m at the point where I live by the beach, I have a good career, things are starting to fall into place and I can go crazy on the apps (which I have). You get to this point where you see so many people and out at the bars, and I lose the fact that these are people, and I became a player I guess. I didn’t realize it but my friend started to be like damn.

All this to say that it’s never been easier to get women for me, but I just never feel the need to commit. No one ever seems right, and if they are they just happen to be super hot and young and don’t want to commit as well which is fine.

I feel bad bc it’s like girls will have feelings for me but I just will feel nothing other than liking that it feels like a relationship, but without the emotional vulnerability and responsibility of one. I can see the flaws in everybody in a way and it always just makes me anxious to commit.

I don’t know if I’ll grow out of this or what will happen, but it’s just how I feel at the moment.

I went on a date with a guy from Bumble I (31) he is (33). we have been talking for two weeks and has been nothing but respectful. Not once has he said anything sexual whatsoever and everything I ask him about his career goals, he’s quite honest and seems to be on the same page as me in terms of what we wanna accomplish as individuals. On the date we had a great conversation and it seems like he was very nervous about it, but we talked a lot and I enjoyed the conversation. Not once did he compliment me (not that I need it), and when he dropped me at my brothers apartment complex we only hugged goodbye. We kept chatting and I gave him two compliments, he just said thank you and that he enjoyed the time and had fun. He has mentioned “next time I see you we’ll do xcx”. How likely it is that it will happen and he didn’t do it for the sake of the conversation? And how likely it is that I may have not been his type? I felt very comfortable but you could tell he hasn’t dated much.

Any leads?

(For the record, I’ve dated a lot dudes who kiss on the first date and things fizzle out from there, but the chemistry is very good)

I’m on a weight loss journey.
I’m scared and expecting loose skin.

Not sure how to tackle dating. Partners expect skinny or normal sized person and the body that comes with it.

How you let them know about loose skin? Or don’t say anything but the unexpected reveal causes turn off

Ghosting seems to be an extremely common problem in dating. Cowards, both male and female, seem to be afraid to just tell someone, “Hey, you’re a great person and I like you, but I don’t feel a spark with you.”

It’s sort of like people who don’t pick up their dog’s poop. Or people who pick it up but leave the tied up baggie in your empty trash bin. Why have a dog if you’re not willing to take full responsibility for it? And why date if you can’t communicate responsibility?

So, if this has happened to you can you give us the benefit of hindsight? Looking back, were there any clues that a person who ghosted you was that “type” of person? I’m hoping to find commonalities among the comments.

It's been 4 months since I broke up with my gf. I'm an immigrant, went through so much in life and always wanted a peaceful future that is stable where I wake up and love the family I created every day. My ex was someone who is very much into politics, human rights and protests. We always had deep conversations and I have so much admiration and love for her. I never loved anyone as much as I loved her, she gets me, no one ever understood me like she did, she makes me laugh, surprises me, cares for me, never misses the chance to show me off or show off the things I do for her. My love language is acts of service, so I never missed an opportunity to show her how special she is to me and how much I loved her. But in the back of my head I was a bit scared because of how much of her life is involved in social justice. I deeply admire her for doing what she does but a part of me felt like this might not be the life I always envisioned. At the beginning of the relationship she said she wants to adopt and foster, I said I'm down for adoption but I don't know about fostering. I know fostering is a very kind thing to do but it is not easy, its completely different from adoption. A week before our breakup she bought up a course that she wants to complete to be ready for fostering in the future. I told her I don't want to foster clearly this time. She was hurt but we did not argue or anything, we decided to take some time to think about it and talk about this. At this point my insecurities got the best of me, I was worried that I was holding her back and also that it was not the life I envisioned. So I told her how I feel and I broke up. I basically didn’t leave her a chance to say anything. Since breakup I think about her every second, I wanted to beg her to take me back but I felt it was selfish to come and go into her life whenever I want. I want to be sure that I’m not depending on her emotionally and going back to her because I was lonely and miserable. I tried creating healthy relationships with my friends with whom I can confide. I travelled to places. I continued my hobbies but every second I think about her, the way she made me feel. I am still scared that I’ll be going into a completely different life than I wanted but I feel like I will be happy anywhere if its with her.

My question is, is there anything that I should consider or do before I try to win her back? I dont want to go back and hurt her. I’m not sure if this is the right way of thinking. I would appreciate any advice or perspective.

I’ve met this girl around 8 times so far. Whenever we meet in person, she’s friendly and acts normally around me. She always says hi when she sees me, gives me attention when we have conversations. And she remembers all details

However, things are completely different over text. She’s very dry, sometimes takes a long time to reply, and occasionally doesn’t respond at all.

I’m confused because her behavior in person seems positive, but her texting makes me feel like she might not be interested.

For context, I’m usually the one initiating conversations over text.

How should I interpret this? Is she just being friendly in person, or could she be interested but simply not a big texter?

Should I stop initiating conversations and see if she makes an effort, or am I overthinking this?

How to act with her

I'm a biological male but gender fluid. My personality and how I represent myself changes a lot depending on my gender that day.

I learned of this when I got to university and was able to express myself more freely without the judgement of my super judgy parents and family. Being gender fluid is great for me in terms of expression and personal freedom. I feel more confident and true to myself when I'm able to alternate at will each day.

But finding a girl my age (older would probably be even worse) who is accepting of my gender fluidity and beyond that finds both sides attractive is probably near impossible. My most recent ex was very accepting and actually enjoyed having both sides of me but I think sometimes she'd have preferred I was more traditionally masculine.

Everyone I've met who finds me attractive (quite a few) don't really seem interested in a relationship or anything which I have to assume is primarily because of my gender identity because with both looks and personality I'd like to believe I'm a bit above average.

Loads of people say I'm interesting, hot, sweet, kind, fun to be around, etc, etc but I don't think I'm going to find many people who actually want a committed relationship because of my mix of feminine and masculine energy.

Is there any way I could make it easier to find the right people? Any way I could become more appealing without compromising my identity?

A few days ago, a girl randomly followed my Instagram. Her profile is super low-key: monochrome mirror selfie hiding her face, only one post, bio just mentions Damiano David (Måneskin) and the gym.

My profile is equally minimalist: zero feed posts, monochrome profile photo, but my bio lists my work in tech, startup incubation, and youth envoy roles.

I opened the DM jokingly saying: "Strange... few photos, face hidden, following out of nowhere. Quite the stalker."

She immediately played along, laughed, and dropped: "Just suggestions... I shot my shot. I always hit the target."

We had a solid, playful banter going about her taste in rock music, her accidental typo saying she was a "love profile" instead of "low profile", and whether my profile looked low-key to her.

However, near the end, the conversation fragmented because I addressed three topics at once. Her replies turned into shorter reactions (laughs and brief confirmations). Seeing the energy dip, I ended the exchange on my end with a double-tap/like on her last message instead of forcing more small talk.

I'm genuinely intrigued by who's behind that screen and want to test the chemistry in real life over a quick coffee, but we've only been talking for a day.

• Since the opening interest was explicitly on her side, what’s the best way to re-engage after a couple of days of silence without looking needy?
• Any general rules for keeping momentum with someone whose entire social media persona is built around being mysterious/low-key?

Okay first of all I cannot reply to any comments made on this post since I just joined and this is my first post and reddit requires a certain number of karma points so please try to understand that I only ask for kind and non-judgmental words.

I didn't date this guy; I considered him a good gaming friend. I happened to meet someone through a mutual activity like many people in the world do and communicated with them over text and also on the phone, and if I actually did consider something serious, I'd definitely meet up with the person in real life to get to know them even better.

So please I kindly request that if you are going to sound judgmental then refrain from commenting on this post as I've noticed a few of you have already done so despite me previously asking at the beginning of this post to be shown some grace. Please don't make me feel worse than I already do.

Please don't judge me too harshly, he was quite the charmer, and I fell for it despite not wanting to even though there were so many red flags. I'm posting this to get the pain off my chest and find support.

Luckily I never got to date this guy, I almost said yes to him due to his persistence and I genuinely thought he was intentional (he pursued me for less than two months).

I(32F) met a guy(32M) through online gaming who seemed decent and really charming at first, but I never wanted to date him and just saw him as a good gaming buddy. We were in the same guild for three months and at first spoke with each other strictly about gaming only the first month and a half and after then he started intensely pursuing me to be his girlfriend despite my rejections and love-bombing me so much so quickly and calling me the love of his life and how badly he wants to marry me, grow old with me because he thought I had a great personality from interacting with me in the game without even getting to know enough about me.

Through conversations with him (on discord) I got to know he had a total of 17 girlfriends by the age of 32 and his last one was a long-term relationship of 7 years and just three months after his breakup he wanted to date me. When I asked why they broke up he said his ex was a narcissist and drove him crazy and was constantly gaslighting him.
This guy also comes from a broken family, his father left them when he was just a small child and his younger brother has been an alcohol addict for many years now and his mother lives with her boyfriend. He had a rough childhood growing up.

He also had a hyper fixation on wanting to know all the time if we got married and we had a son who turned out to be gay, how would I deal with that? And he really badly wants a son and a total of 8 children!! He once mentioned he's glad that he feels attracted to me because it shows he's not gay......like why would he say that? and he used to tell me about another openly gay man in our gaming guild who would constantly flirt with him and dm him. I asked him if you specifically told him you're straight then why does he still do that and he says, "I don't know".

I actually was confused the whole time with all that information, but I guess my judgement was clouded and I didn't figure out what red flags I'm looking at because he sort of wore me down over time and I started to develop feelings which I chose not to act on until after six weeks when I asked him about being serious about the future (I still feel pathetic for doing that) and then he says he lost the "fire" in his feelings blaming me for not agreeing at the beginning because he was ready then and not now and the on and off situation was too much for him emotionally.....and I'm just like what on and off situation is he talking about? He said he "flipped a switch in his head to protect himself". He knew I didn't want him at first and he saw that my feelings were growing over time due to his persistence and I tried not to act on them because I didn't think we would be compatible which I told him about honestly, and he chose to fight an uphill battle of convincing me. He also started pointing out flaws on matters which he was okay with at the beginning when I asked him about then and now it's a major issue as to why we cannot be together.

When I confronted him about leading me on and asked him why he's acting this way now after making me feel that he really wanted to have a future with me, he says I'm being aggressive and weird and flipping it on him now!

Is he an avoidant? Is he a narcissist himself? Or is he secretly DL? Or is he an absolute mess of all three?? How does a man who pursues you relentlessly, tells you he's so sure about you and would definitely marry you, gets you to trust him and get emotionally attached and then just backs out in literally less than two months?

I was having a nice conversation with someone yesterday about books. She then says “I’m really curious about you, how long have you been throwing pottery?“ I told her and she unmatched me soon after. Wtf??

Trying to have a conversation with anyone these days seems impossible. Getting a date seems impossible. It’s wild.

I'm 33 years old, and for reasons that take way too long to get into, I've never been on a date with anyone. I am on the apps, and slowly trying to explore other avenues.

I've not been fortunate enough yet to actually meet someone yet who has agreed to a date (the one instance I tried last year, she respectfully turned me down; this was independent of any app).

It's a struggle for sure, but this question is a hypothetical for when (or even if) I do actually succeed in getting a date:

As an adult woman in your 20s or 30s, how would you feel if you learned that the guy you are on a date with told you that you are the first date ever for them?

If that day comes, I'm not inclined to say that at the start of a date or beforehand, but perhaps at the end.

I'm just asking as a general hypothetical, not really for any specific advice or anything like that.

I’m a 38M looking for some outside perspectives on a situation I’ve been struggling with for almost a year.
Last year, I dated a woman for almost four months. We had an incredible connection, at least from my perspective. Our conversations were effortless, we had great chemistry, and I genuinely looked forward to spending time with her. We’d regularly talk on the phone for over an hour, sometimes much longer. I’ve dated other women since, but I haven’t experienced that same level of connection.
However, there was one recurring problem: whenever we seemed to get emotionally closer, she would pull away.
Sometimes she’d disappear for a few days, usually no longer than three, before returning and apologizing. She explained that she tended to shut down when overwhelmed by emotions or stress. She also told me she was in therapy and that one of the things she was working on was her difficulty with commitment.
What made things confusing was that she genuinely seemed to be making an effort. Every time she came back, things would improve a little before the cycle eventually repeated itself.
At one point, she introduced me to her closest friends, which felt like a significant step forward. Shortly afterward, however, she became distant again.
She also told me that if I could wait another couple of months, she might be able to offer more consistency because her life would be slowing down.
Eventually, I reached a point where I needed more clarity about where things were going. I asked her if we could be exclusive.
Two days later, she told me, “I thought about what you said. What you asked for is commitment and I’m not in a place in my life for that.”
I told her that I respected her feelings but couldn’t continue seeing her without exclusivity.
She responded, “I understand. I respect you.”
That was the end of things. I walked away from the relationship in mid November of last year and we have not spoken since.
I removed her from social media a couple of months after things ended, and I’ve genuinely tried to move forward.
Here’s my dilemma.
It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her. I’ve dated other women, but I haven’t found that same connection. I’ve also been going to therapy, and my therapist recently suggested that I consider reaching out to her because this relationship continues to come up in our sessions.
Part of me wonders whether I ended things too soon. She had acknowledged her struggles, was actively attending therapy, and seemed to be making gradual improvements. Maybe she genuinely needed more time.
On the other hand, I recognize that I could be romanticizing the relationship and holding on to its potential rather than accepting what it actually was.
I’m also aware that her reluctance to commit might not have been entirely about her struggles with commitment. It’s possible she simply didn’t see a long-term future with me.
I have no idea whether she’s single, whether she’s changed, or whether she’d even want to hear from me.
So my question is: Should I reach out?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who struggled with commitment or as the person on the receiving end.
I’m not looking to convince her to be with me. I just wonder whether enough time has passed that reconnecting might be worth exploring.
I would appreciate honest perspectives, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

So I finally overrode my brain and built up the courage to message this girl on Instagram. I’ve had a massive crush on her for what feels like forever, but my social anxiety usually completely paralyzes me from ever reaching out. Every time I thought about typing something, I’d overthink it into oblivion, panic, and close the app. But she was so outrageously attractive, and after following her for a while, I decided to just take a shot before I lost my nerve.

She wasn’t following me back, but to my absolute shock, when I sent that first DM, she actually replied! We went back and forth for maybe 10 or 15 messages. Looking back, I was definitely carrying the weight of the conversation and asking all the questions, but she seemed nice enough and gave pretty friendly replies. Because texting already gives me a ton of anxiety and I didn't want to overthink every single message like a high schooler, I figured the best move was to just break the ice and ask if she wanted to meet up in person. She’s 27 and I’m 29, so it felt like the mature thing to do.

I suggested getting coffee at a really well-known local spot. Nothing high-pressure, just a casual, low-stakes setting where I thought I could actually feel comfortable and manage my nerves.

Her response caught me completely off guard: “I don’t do coffee dates, I’m past that age.” And then, almost immediately after, she completely unfollowed and removed me.

I’m not going to lie, when you already battle with self-doubt and social anxiety, getting shut down and instantly erased like that stings pretty badly. It definitely took a hit to my confidence, which is already tough to maintain when dealing with women who are that drop-dead gorgeous. To be clear, I’m not a bad-looking guy at all, but moments like this instantly make my mind spiral into overanalyzing everything I did wrong.

It’s definitely not a financial issue either. I’m completely fine with—and actually enjoy—spending money on high-end dinners, nice cocktail lounges, or unique experiences once I genuinely get to know someone and know there’s a real connection there. But for a first meeting with someone you’ve never met off the internet? Why does it have to be some grand, expensive production right out of the gate?

I’m left sitting here overthinking the whole thing. Was she just completely uninterested and using that as an excuse to shut it down, or have basic coffee dates genuinely become a turn-off for women now?

I (M50s) recently had a PoF match with a woman (F40s) who, because of how she presented herself (quick responses that were more than just a few words, easy to talk to, open to meeting nearby quickly,) I invited to dinner (at a midrange restaurant, as opposed to my normal mandatory coffee date,) and she turned up casual, but actually looking cuter than her pics. Unfortunately, while she was polite, I wasn't sure that she immediately felt the same chemistry (I date a LOT, so my read on their interest is usually pretty reliable,) so I figured it was likely to be a single date. Oh well. We walked over to the restaurant, and I gave my name to the hostess for our reservation.

The hostess seated us politely, started to leave, then turned around and came back to the table, leaned over towards me, and said "Your cologne smells fantastic." I thanked her, and she said, looking me in the eye, "Let me know if you need anything," then paused a beat and said "oh, and your waitress will be with you shortly."

I played it off politely, but my date's interest level clearly jumped immediately, and things went perfectly from there. A couple of very pleasant weeks later (spending time with her feels consistently peaceful and warm,) she just gently asked if I'd be her plus one for her company holiday party in a couple of months, and I've already dropped my other dating options without any regrets, though I've been previously refusing to date anyone seriously for months, and hadn't planned on changing that until I met her. I definitely owe that hostess for being a great wingman 😂

I’ve been dating this man and every time I bring up a serious topic or try to get some understanding as to what we are doing with this situation it’s like he tries to back out of the topic by getting quiet or saying he doesn’t have an answer or acts suddenly busy… but then tries to proceed as if nothing happened, he’ll go hours of no communication after I try to communicate and just text me as if he didn’t see the previous message… I’m big on communication and this is becoming tiring on my end cause my end goal for dating is marriage, I’m touching 30 next year and I just don’t have time for casual dating anymore.. I know what I want and what I don’t want! & it’s pretty hard trying to have a serious conversation with him about any of it. I want to ask if I’m wrong for just ghosting him completely but then again I know I’m not cause I’ve tried multiple times so I figure he just don’t care as much…

But let’s not forget to mention; this is the very man that tried so long and hard to pursue me, first one to mention a relationship, marriage, children & all that fairytale stuff before I ever even had that thought with him…