I'll try to be concise.
I'm a man and i've lived in solitude up until i was thirty-two. I didn't have any plans for the future then, and knew my life would eventually end from my own hands, it was a matter of when. My mother is still alive, so that will stop me from doing it, of course.
At thirty-two i met a woman, and we got married. She was different, like myself - or so i thought -, we had similar morals, similar views, values. We dated, we got married.
She got tired of me, changed her mind and wanted an adventurous life. She invented i was a really bad person and did many bad things to her, and just said we needed to divorce.
For four years i had done many plans, and did many things too. I knew where we would live eventually, places we would visit, where to hike, everything.
Now she doesn't want it anymore, so all those plans are gone, and i'm back to exactly where i was before, but now being thirty-six.
It's one thing to not think much of the future and have no plans when you've lived like that your whole life, it's a bit different when you lived for four years foreseeing a beautiful future, with great plans.
Some might think 'you'll find another woman', but for thirty-two i had never found one. Not because i'm better than anyone, but just because i'm not fit for what the world is, i had just accepted it. Somehow, though, now my brain does not have the capacity to simply accept that, maybe it was the taste of happiness that i had for those few years.
I would like some advice, please.
Thank you.