I'm looking for honest opinions. My 18 month old son came home from his grandparents house on Thursday, where my mil was looking after him while my husband smoked shisha. The next morning, I noticed red marks on his back and inner arm (photos attached). I've never seen marks like these on him before.

My husband says he was playing a lot, but I tried squeezing my own skin with my fingernails and got similar-looking marks. My son was behaving normally.

I'm especially worried because my MIL was very toxic towards me during my first pregnancy and caused a major argument between my husband and me after our son was born.

I'm pregnant again, this time with a girl. My MIL has three sons and has always wanted a daughter, which makes me feel even more uneasy about the situation.

I don't want to accuse anyone without proof, but I can't stop wondering what happened.

Do these marks look like they could be from fingernails? Am I overthinking this, or would you be concerned too?

I'm planning to have a doctor examine him. I'd appreciate honest opinions.

So I'm making plans to leave my husband and I've never been more terrified but excited at once. I'm a SAHM mom currently or a one yr old so I have a ton of crap ahead of me to deal with I'm sure (knowing my STBX) but I'll finally have freedom!

So tell me if you've left what does life look like for you now? I want to hear everything. OR if you're planning on leaving like me; telll me your plans? What are you most excited about? Most scared about?

Me, I'm most excited not only to be able to worry about me and my daughter ONLY, but I can decorate my OWN place how I want, spend my money how I want (responsibly ofc),
WEAR HEELS!!! (He's short he hates that I'm taller than him which is crazy cause he knew this when he asked me out 13 yrs ago).
GO OUT with my girls and wear what I want; not rush home, not check my phone every second bc he decides he wants to "dirty talk" ( really it's just a control tactic).
Bring myself to therapy bc he doesn't believe in therapy..
I'm excited to go on dates (one day after some healing ofc) and actually have ROMANCE,gasp!! So many things to be excited about.

I got choked, dragged, and slapped so hard it took me minutes to try to recollect myself. My boyfriend got mad at me for not wanting to speak and closing the bedroom door on him. I’ve had a temporary restraining order on him the last month. However I’m just an idiot who allowed myself to be manipulated and never extended the restraining order.
I’ve called 911 twice today. They did not show up. I escaped the house with my dog and my emergency stash bag if things did get worse. It’s been 4 hours since my last two calls to 911 asking for help. I live in a high crime rate area but this is disheartening and it’s really driving me to the edge.
I’m really sorry but I’m just posting to vent. I’m now hitting hour 5 and no cop has showed up to meet me where I’ve escaped too for now so I suppose I will be sleeping in the car with my dog.
I contemplated giving up. I don’t have the fight in my anymore when there’s no hope left for me to get help.

One of the most painful things is having to carry all your pain alone while the person who contributed to it seems to be living their life as if nothing happened. I spend my days feeling angry, sad, disappointed, and anxious about my future, while he can comfortably sit at home, play video games, and enjoy his own world. It makes me realize how one-sided all this pain feels. I once dreamed of building a happy life together, supporting each other, and achieving our dreams. Now, I have to calculate my debts, savings, and the cost of moving out just to find some peace of my own. What exhausts me the most is not only what has happened, but the feeling that I am the only one carrying the consequences. While he continues living his life, I am grieving the life I thought I would have and trying to rebuild a future for myself.

Context: my boyfriend and I went out for drinks and he was so angry and trying to get into fights the whole time. We got back and he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong and kept hiding under a blanket. I tried pulling it off of him and he hit me in the face, and then pushed me into a wall. I thought it was an accident so I kept trying and then he pushed me head first off of his bed and I have a goose egg and bruise. He’s drunk and swears he would never mean to hurt me and that it’s nothing but I feel sick.

That guy I was with put me through so much. He would put me in danger as in speeding driving recklessly and swerving on highways, breaking my phone and property, breaking into my house if I tried to reschedule our dates, had my neighbors calling the cops multiple times because he didn’t care to start yelling and screaming until he got his way just embarrassing me, I couldn’t wear what I wanted, locking me in his restroom and room, pinning me down if i wanted to leave and attempting to commit multiple times in front of my house when i wanted to break up with him and when I made friends he would scare them away and drag me out of conversations with them by my arm. So yes abuse.

It took me a long time to get here though, to be at the stage of not caring. I went through the missing him stage, the guilt stage, the blaming myself stage, the “what could’ve been“ stage, and all the stages in between. Now i genuinely don’t care. I cut off contact with him and he tried reaching out to me earlier this month and I cut that last string of contact off. I wasn’t leaving a little door open where he can still talk to me, I genuinely cut off all contact and I don’t feel a thing about it. I don’t feel bad, I don’t miss him, i dont care. I look back at the girl I was when I was with him and never thinking it was possible, but I’m here now and I’m actually disgusted by him. But it’s also like he never existed to me, i don’t know that guy 🤣 but yeah f*** that dumbahh abuser. it’s kinda crazy how detaching works when someone abused you, but when you’re in that situation it’s so blinding. The first paragraph I wrote, I didn’t even realize I was being abused until i detached from that guy. These abusers are literal demons. I literally was thinking “f*** you b****” when I cut off that last string !!!! b

So if you’re thinking about leaving or scared what the future holds without that person, this is your sign!!! Don’t go back into that cycle, you will start seeing things for what they truly are. it’s not love, it’s attachment and don’t let attachment cost you. They won’t change, if will only get worse. PLEASE LEAVEEEEE and don’t go back you will thank yourself in the future

hi! i have never actually posted on reddit before but something weird happened between me and boyfriend last night. he’s never hit me or beaten me. we have play fought before but it’s never gone far but, im also not the biggest fan of it. but last night he was just giving me small k!sses all over my face for a couple of minutes and then out of nowhere he lightly starts ch0k!ng me. i don’t exactly remember what i felt in the moment i just remember feeling weird, uncomfortable and a bit scared. i told him to chill and he didn’t stop until i asked him again. he then looked at me and asked me if i was alright. the combination of the feelings i was feeling and the situation and the look in his eyes made me start to cry and i explained to him i didn’t like “playing” like that. i just automatically assumed he was playing but i became anxious and scared of the idea that he wasn’t. we later took a car ride and it was silent. and when we got home and took a shower, he then apologized for always “making me upset” and doing things that “made me upset.” i accepted his apology and moved on but deep down, i wish we talked about what happened because it was weird and it felt serious but i took it as a joke because it was light and I don’t have any bru!s3s.

Bonjour,

Je poste ce message aujourd'hui car j'ai besoin de vider mon sac face à ce qui reste un véritable traumatisme pour moi.

Il y a quelques mois, j'ai découvert que mon ex m'avait trompée du début à la fin de notre relation. Il utilisait une seconde carte SIM ( chinoise ) sur son téléphone pour utiliser des applis comme télégram wechat et j’en passe.. et bien sûr ses maîtresses avaient son second numéro et donc il pouvait orchestrer tranquillement ses tromperies. Pire encore : son frère et sa sœur étaient parfaitement au courant et ont joué le jeu.
Pendant toute notre relation, il m'a fait passer pour la « jalouse maladive» et la paranoïaque de service, alors qu'il me manipulait sciemment.
J’ai même fini par comprendre qu’il couchait parfois avec elle(s) sous mon toit dans mon propre lit.
Même pendant que j’enterrais mon papa il a osé ..
Aujourd'hui, je n'éprouve plus aucun sentiment bienveillant pour lui. Mais la blessure psychologique, elle, est bien là et je dirais même physique car maintenant je suis capable de dire que j’ai mal au cœur en le pensant vraiment.
Il ne voulait pas d’enfant ni acheter pour différentes raisons ( je les ai comprises aujourd’hui évidement ) il savait que c’est ce que je souhaitais et m’a fait perdre 4 ans et demi de ma vie à un âge crucial car j’étais prête à faire des concessions par amour pour lui.
Parmis les femmes que j’ai identifié il y en plusieurs qui travaillent ou ont travaillé au même endroit que moi car oui, malheureusement lui aussi. Je me sens donc absolument humiliée et c’est un sentiment que je ne souhaite à personne car il m’a donné envie de mourir.

J'ai du mal à sortir ces pensées de ma tête et à accepter d'avoir été victime d'une telle imposture. Ça me dépasse et me détruit de réaliser à quel point je n’étais qu’un pion dans le jeu de sa double vie.

-Oui j’aurai pu m’en apercevoir car de nombreuses captures d’écran qu’il m’a envoyé prouvait bien qu’il avait deux cartes SIM ( dont 1 chinoise ) mais je n’ai rien vu car j’avais confiance en lui et je n’ai donc pas examiné ces captures à l’époque et je suis même persuadée que ça l’a amusé de m’envoyer des preuves que je ne voyais même pas ( un sociopathe )
-Oui il y a eu des red flag au début surtout pour des mensonges mais j’ai fini par croire que je l’empêchais d’avoir des copines et donc il en venait à me mentir pour des bêtises alors que ces mensonges révèlent aujourd’hui bien plus d’atrocités.
-Oui il avait beaucoup moins envie de coucher avec moi et j’en souffrais énormément car je n’ai jamais cessé de le désirer
-Oui, avec le recul, il a parfois été très méchant dans ses propos et sa façon d’être avec moi mais … l’amour rend aveugle ..
-Oui je me suis fait dépister
-Oui je suis suivi psychologiquement
-Oui je suis entourée de proches sans qui je n’aurai pas survécu

Mais malgré tout je continue de souffrir et j’ai peur que cela reste beaucoup trop long à guérir et je ne sais pas si j’ai la force de vivre en ne sachant pas quand je vais de nouveau avoir la vie que je mérite et vivre paisiblement et aussi faire confiance à qui que ce soit ..

Certaines / certains d'entre vous ont déjà vécu cette forme de trahison orchestrée ? Comment avez-vous réussi à tourner la page émotionnellement et à stopper les ruminations ? Car je ne dors plus tellement je me sens profondément trahis, humiliée, utilisée, salie, méprisée et bien sûr traumatisée.

Merci pour votre aide.

​(27F) I dated a guy (30M) for four years. After two years, it was clear he was just killing time—he never supported me.

To give you an idea of what he’s like: if I fell ill, he wouldn’t even check on me the next day to see how I was doing. If I faced a difficult situation, he wouldn’t stand by me or even offer a word of comfort. He wanted to talk about shitty things all the time or talk about himself. When I would explain a tough situation to him, he’d offer only the briefest of responses; I’d end up feeling like I was a burden, so I’d change the subject and he would immediately pivot to the new topic, as if my feelings didn’t matter at all.

​We broke up. After four months, he begged for a second chance (during those months, he took zero accountability He was waiting for me to return so he could evade responsibility and apologize. He even panicked when he saw me by chance and realized I hadn't noticed him). I took him back because I felt lonely, but he hadn't changed at all.

​When I suggested keeping our relationship strictly surface-level with zero expectations, he completely refused. That’s when I realized he's a selfish narcissist who only wanted me around for his own convenience. So, I walked away for good.

​

I had trust issues because of his past, but I still gave him a chance because I genuinely loved him and wanted a future with him. I wanted to marry him someday and thought he was serious about me.

I decided to test his loyalty, and he failed. 💔 I don't want to share personal details, but what happened was enough for me to lose my trust in him.

He'll probably text me tomorrow like nothing happened, but I've already decided to end this relationship. I don't want advice on whether I should leave him because my decision is made.

I just need to know how to move on from someone I genuinely thought I'd marry.

it’s been a long while since then, and i’ve gotten a restraining order so he’ll stay away from me but…i still don’t know. i was 18 at the time and he was 19.

i was with this guy for 2 years or so. throughout the whole relationship, everyone was telling me to leave. he was isolating me, threatening to khs, ignoring me. at one point, i had an attempt on my life and he ignored me for a whole week because “i didn’t love him anymore” even when my wrist was sprained and couldn’t text him, he blamed me for it. he only paid attention to me after i begged him to + did something sexual. those were the only times he actually gave me affection. i spent so much time begging for him to look at me with a straight face or immediately say he was a bad person and cry.

i was supposed to go to spain for university, but he kept guilt tripping me so i ended up staying. he said all my friends hated me and i was all he had. he even told me that he would do things to hurt me on purpose. he told me he wanted me to be sadder and more depressed because that meant i “needed” him.

i finally broke up with him one day. he begged for me back and i came back, only for HIM to break up with me on our monthsary. he bought me flowers, said he’d take me to my favorite place…then broke up with me, saying i was hard to love.

i made mistakes too. nearing the end of the relationship i threatened to hurt myself whenever he started stonewalling me or ignoring me. i screamed at him. i was guttural. i don’t wanna pretend like im perfect, im not. i feel guilty about it everyday.

i didn’t understand why he broke up with me like that. i started sobbing in public. he was trying to leave because he said his next math class was more important than this. then he said he “just didn’t feel love for me anymore” and then smirked at me, and then he laughed. i felt like my mind went blank, i screeched, and then i punched him. he’s like 6’0 and im 4’11, i can’t even remember how i managed to punch his face. all i remember was my adrenaline going high, and feeling like i was in the most danger ive ever been in my life. i felt like a circus animal.

i saw him again one more time after that. he was talking shit about me, saying i was a crazy bitch. saying that if i died, he wouldn’t give a shit. i went up to him, asking him to stop..and he laughed at me. he said he “didn’t care about me” his expression didn’t even change. he just looked at me with a straight face; and this look in his eye.

i don’t want to be a bad person. i feel like a monster. he’s still talking badly now. i’m scared of him. i’m so scared. i should’ve known. at the start of the relationship he literally lied to some other girl, two timing me by saying to the other girl “oh i did like u, i just fumbled u” instead of saying he just wanted to be in a relationship with me.

i don’t know who i am anymore.

edit: i genuinely don’t know what this is considered and it’s scaring me, if it’s okay, please tell me ur thoughts maybe :’((

I’m genuinely asking because I feel like nobody talks enough about how much a psychologically abusive relationship can change you as a person.

I’ve been through what feels like three separate ego deaths, struggled with eating disorders and depression, gained weight, and completely lost my ability to imagine being intimate with someone again.

One of the worst parts is that my ex constantly body-shamed me throughout our relationship. And here’s the thing: I was literally underweight when we were together. I wasn’t fat. Not even remotely. Yet somehow, this person managed to convince me that there was something fundamentally wrong with my body, to the point where I developed serious issues with eating and my appearance.

Now, whenever I look at pictures of myself from that period, I quite literally want to die. Not because of how I looked, but because I can see someone who was already so thin and yet genuinely believed they weren’t small enough. It makes me sick to realize just how much power I gave this person over me, how deeply I internalized their words, and how much of myself I lost in the process.

I look at those pictures and wonder how someone could make me hate myself so much when there was absolutely nothing wrong with me to begin with.

And the worst part is that I’m still living with the consequences. My relationship with my body is completely different now. I’ve gained weight, my self-esteem has taken a massive hit, and I struggle to imagine ever feeling comfortable being vulnerable with another person again.

And I don’t just mean physically. I mean emotionally, too. The thought of letting someone know me that intimately, giving them access to my insecurities, trusting them enough to be completely myself around them, feels almost impossible.

Meanwhile, the person who hurt me is apparently out there living their best life and getting into new relationships, while I’m still trying to put myself back together.

And before anyone suggests that I stop checking up on them, I don’t. I genuinely don’t want to know anything about this person anymore. I’ve deliberately avoided updates, and I’ve explicitly told my friends that I don’t want to hear about them. Unfortunately, a friend told me about their new relationship anyway, so now I have information I never wanted in the first place.

The frustrating part is that I don’t even want this person back. I don’t want to reconnect, I don’t want to know what they’re doing, and I don’t want them in my life. Everything related to them is triggering, and I just want to exist without being reminded of that chapter of my life.

But hearing that they’ve moved on while I’ve been dealing with the psychological consequences of what happened really messed with my head.

It feels incredibly unfair that someone can have such a devastating impact on another person’s mental health and seemingly continue living their life without consequences.

And I know that what someone shows on the outside doesn’t necessarily reflect how they’re actually doing. I know healing isn’t a competition. Intellectually, I understand all of that.

But emotionally? It’s exhausting.

I feel like the relationship didn’t just hurt me. It fundamentally changed my relationship with myself, my body, and other people. Sometimes I genuinely wonder whether I’ll ever be able to see myself without hearing the things this person used to say about me.

I miss being able to imagine falling in love without feeling terrified of what that might cost me. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss the version of myself who hadn’t yet learned to hate things about herself because someone else repeatedly pointed them out.

How do you stop hearing the horrible things someone said about your body, even after they’re no longer around? How do you become comfortable with intimacy again? How do you stop comparing your recovery to someone else’s apparent happiness?

For those of you who have been through something similar, did you ever genuinely feel like yourself again?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve actually experienced this, because right now I just want to feel like a normal person again.

Please don’t speculate about my ex’s current relationship or whether they’ll ever face consequences. I really don’t want to know anything else about this person. I’m looking for advice about healing, not about them.

I was born to parents who...

Ever since I was a kid, I would get hit and beaten up, especially by my mother, using various objects or even her bare hands. I always knew something was wrong, but whenever I complained to my grandma or uncles, they would blame me and say I was small-minded for hating that my mom hit me.

I was always hit for getting bad marks, or because teachers complained that I was shy and didn't speak much in class.

I remember once, when I was a kid, I was at the barber with my older brother and uncle. I finished getting my hair cut before my brother, and I asked my uncle if he would get me a Kinder Joy egg. I don't remember if he asked me first or if I asked him, but I went home happy. Once we got home and my mom found out what had happened, she threatened to beat the shit out of me after I finished showering. I remember shaking heavily and hugging my nanny begging her to take longer in the shower. My mom proceeded to beat me severely. I don't remember much after that, except apologizing to my uncle for asking him to get me the candy.

Ever since then, I've never asked anyone for food. Even as a kid, when I wanted candy or crisps or food in general, I would get my younger sister to ask my father for them instead. Looking back now, it explains a lot about me.

I was also repeatedly beaten by my mom for getting bad marks, being shy, or dozing off in class. The thing is, she only made everything worse. I became even quieter and started dozing off even more in class. If I hadn't memorized whatever she wanted me to memorize within the time frame she gave me, she would beat the shit out of me.

It got even worse when other people, like my grandma, were around. Once, when I was a kid, I couldn't memorize something properly and kept forgetting it. My mom beat the hell out of me. Coincidentally, my grandma came over to our house for something, and my mom continued hitting me in front of her, scolding me to kingdom come. After I finished studying, she told me we were going to apologize to my grandma for her having to "see this sight."

None of those things really clicked for me back then.

Now, as a 20-year-old, whenever I express even the slightest discomfort or criticism of my mom, or sometimes show a preference for my dad, who also used to hit me, just nowhere near as much as my mom did, they ridicule me. They tell me that everyone gets hit, that my mom sacrificed everything for me, and that I don't deserve her.

It actually makes me feel guilty. I hate that I'm unable to love my mom. I see all these people who say they're willing to die for their moms, and I want to love mine too. But something inside me just can't. My older brother is out of the country, and my sister studies in a different city, but I am the only one still living with my parents, I can't bear sharing the house with her anymore.

I don't see her as a mother. As cliché as it sounds, I don't see her as a source of comfort or safety. She's a monster. That's all I see. I am still in her shackles, I can't seem to leave her and her abusive family behind. I hate her and resent her with all my heart.

I was just a kid.

Sometimes, abuse doesn't start with physical violence. It begins gradually with emotional manipulation, blame-shifting, and making you feel like everything you say or ask is an argument.

I was in a relationship where asking simple questions turned into constant arguments. The yelling started, things were thrown, and I found myself walking on eggshells around someone who was supposed to make me feel safe. There was projection, manipulation, dishonesty, cheating, neglect, and a lack of emotional commitment and genuine connection. I kept questioning myself, hoping things would change, and trying to make sense of everything I was experiencing.

For a long time, I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't prove the infidelity until I sought help and gathered the evidence. Facing the truth was painful, but it opened my eyes to the reality of the relationship I was in.

Eventually, I realized that love shouldn't cost me my peace, self-worth, or emotional well-being. I couldn't keep sacrificing myself to save a relationship that was slowly breaking me. So, I made the difficult decision to walk away—not because I stopped caring, but because I finally understood that I deserved better.

I'm still healing, learning to trust myself again, and finding my way back to the person I was before all the hurt.

I'm sharing my story for anyone silently enduring something similar. You don't have to wait until the abuse becomes physical to acknowledge that you're being hurt. You don't have to prove every lie or explain every wound before choosing yourself.

Sometimes, surviving means walking away from someone you love to save the person you're becoming. ❤️‍🩹

To anyone going through this, I see you. You're not weak for staying, and you're not wrong for leaving. You deserve peace, honesty, respect, and a love that makes you feel safe. 🫂❤️

I broke up with him on September 20. I thought I would've cracked by now and sent him a text, but surprisingly I haven't. I don't even know what is left to say. What do you say to someone who spat in your face, not once, but twice, and generally seems to think it's okay? That's not all that happened either.

This man choked me, he’s thrown my belongings out into the hallway of his building complex on several occasions. He’s called me degrading names. He’s threatened to kill me. He’s ripped blankets off of me. He’s slapped me. He’s taken my phone and hid it. He’s threatened to throw my phone off a balcony. He’s told me to go kill myself. And he thinks it's all okay and justified just because I made him angry. He is insane.

This man is a disgusting human being and bottom of the barrel.

I find myself mostly feeling rage. Don't get me wrong, I have also felt sadness, heartbreak, disappointment and more. I have often found myself wishing bad things would happen to him. Wishing that he would receive the worst karma in the world.

But he already hates his life. His life is smoking weed 24/7, sleeping all day, working a dead-end job that he’s been in for the last seven years, and then doing coke and binge drinking on the weekends with his friends who are terrible people.

The man is already in hell, and you know what, he deserves it. Since leaving I can feel that my nervous system has completely calmed down. My face is less puffy, my gut is calmer, my eye stopped twitching.

I guess that's what happens when you get a horrible person out of your life. I do still find myself wishing he would reach out and apologize. I have some choice words for him.

But for now, I’ll celebrate that I haven't gone back to him. I’m free.

Honestly it seems like I am not able to do anything for myself anymore?!

I mean, apparently I’m not able to do TikTok’s anymore without him, I’m not even able to be creative on my own.

He literally has to INVOLVE himself in everything! I mean everything.

Nothing can no longer be “my thing” or “my dream” no, he now has to have the same dream as me. He tells me it’s not a competition but that’s exactly what it has been with him.

He tells me that it’s not a competition, and yet tells me he’s gonna do this and that and be “BETTER” than me or anyone.

And I am so tired of it. Like I literally can’t do anything anymore.

Hi everyone,
Healing from domestic violence is rarely a straight line. Often, just getting to "Day 1" of choosing yourself and your mental health takes an immense amount of strength. It can feel completely overwhelming to figure out what comes next when you are trying to rebuild your life, your boundaries, and your sense of self from the ground up.
Because of this, I wanted to create a dedicated space for survivors to process, heal, and slowly start to grow again at their own pace.
I’ve just released **Reclaim Your Path**, a supportive domestic violence workbook designed to guide you through that exact transition—from those heavy early days to a place of genuine, long-term healing.
**What’s inside the workbook:**
Guided prompts to help you unpack and process your experiences safely.
Actionable mental health exercises to rebuild self-esteem and rediscover who you are.
Strategic tools to help you establish firm boundaries and map out a safe, empowered future.
A gentle, non-judgmental approach that reminds you it's okay to "bloom right where you start."
It is currently available in both **Paperback** and **Ebook** formats so you can choose whichever format feels most private and comfortable for your personal healing journey.
If you or someone you care about is currently walking this path, I truly hope this resource can serve as a gentle watering can for your mental health. You don't have to have it all figured out today—just starting is enough.

The link to check it out is available.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HP387PBL?dplnkId=a495e177-93dc-4472-9dc0-46521b8b10e6&nodl=1

Thank you all for being such an incredibly supportive community.

Hello, this is my first post here. Sometimes i (20f) wonder if i’m overreacting or if my relationship was abusive, because i tend to talk myself into saying it wasn’t.

my experience was very short, around seven months but in those seven months my ex put me through a lot more than what i could manage. i think a lot of times when i hear about abuse in relationships it’s always years that it’s gone on for. he never did anything physical towards me until the end where he’d pull my hair, bite me, and hit me. but there were multiple time he’d get upset i was with my friends or stand over my shoulder while i spoke to them on the phone urging me to hang up. or how he’d call me out of my name almost every day, or tell me how i deserved to be slapped. sometimes he’d even keep me awake knowing i had class or lab in the morning because i refused to have sex with him. and he wouldn’t let me sleep until i gave in. one time i told him no and he left my apartment angrily while calling me out of my name and calling me slurs, while flipping me off before he came back 30 minutes later and proceeded to ask until i gave in again.

i will say, things started out good with him and then it was like one day a switch randomly flipped. when things were good they were really good and then it got bad and i felt like i was too invested by then to leave.

i wish i could recount ever thing i experienced in those seven months. it’s been a lot with him and i feel bad that i can’t recount most of it but my brain tends to block traumatic things out , which probably adds to why i question if it was even abuse. but overall a lot of what i went through was emotional and verbal.

also, when our relationship ended it was because he stole my things. my friends had gotten involved and after that i just knew i couldn’t keep seeing him. i found out after going no contact that he lied to me about his age. when we met he said he was 24, but i learned at the end he was really 34. maybe it’s my fault for not noticing that he looked older, but he was a heavy smoker and i just assumed that was what aged him. but if i had known his real age i would have never gone through a relationship with him. i genuinely feel disgusting with myself at times because of it. all of this could have been avoided too if i had known his real age.

I don't know if this is considered abuse or not.

I'm not sure if this is the right flair or not, so I apologize if it isn't right.

Is being around your partner 24/7 even when they've expressed their discomfort and need for personal time considering controlling?

Is initiating sex or sexual activity when the other person is tired and not in the mood considering abuse?

Is grabbing and yelling in public, and yelling in someone's face considering abuse?

Is being flirty and sexual before dating, while knowing this person is in an abusive relationship / has just left the relationship, and then claiming it was "for fun" a scummy thing to do?

Is using their own trauma to the point of causing the other person to walk on eggshells about triggering them abuse?

And finally, is being physical with people outside of the relationship while drunk abuse?

Please let me know if this breaks any rules. I've just gotten out of a relationship and I'd like some opinions on what my ex did, please. I'm confused, scared and second guessing everything. They say it's my fault we broke up due to my inability to communicate and fulfill their wishes? I don't know. I apologise.

My ex broke up with me last night and I couldn’t be happier. Months of being accused of lying and cheating over stories he kept making up. There were a couple times he wanted me to prop up my phone on FaceTime so he could watch me sleep because he was sure there was another man in my bed. Another time he accused me of trying to sneak and see my child’s father just because he came to pick up my daughter for her birthday. Last night we got into it cause a couple of my male neighbors happened to look at me and now he’s accusing me of sleeping with them… I don’t even know them. He has no reason to believe I’ve ever done anything and he knows it. I literally do nothing but work and hang out with my family. He admits he has trust issues from being cheated on by other women and that he was projecting it onto me. It is draining being his emotional punching bag. I was going to leave him anyways but he beat me to it and is now upset that I’m not begging him to say. I’m sure he only claimed to be leaving because he wanted to see if I’d cry or beg. I didn’t. I showed him where the door is. When he refused to leave, I called the police and my dad. I’ve had enough.

No, leave and stay gone. I just want my life back. You took enough from me.

as i write this my partner is washing my clothes in a hotel bathroom in asia.

four days ago, only a few days into our first international trip together as a couple, my partner slapped my head and my glasses dropped to the floor, shattering, because i told her to watch her volume (she was yelling at me because i've struggled a lot with extending her patience while she's abroad for the first time, which is entirely fair) bc we were surrounded by other apartments, and then repeatedly punched me in the shoulder because i told her i just wanted her to be mindful.

two days ago, and only a week into our first international trip together, which is supposed to be up to six months, and which we've been planning for months and investing a lot of money into, i told my partner outside of a crowded museum, after she told me she could see that i was losing feelings for her, that she wasn't gaslighting herself and i did have some doubts whether i wanted to remain in the relationship, and she stormed off. when i found her and tried to explain myself, she threw her phone at me and stormed off again. she finally made her way back to our hostel, where she proceeded to tell me she hated me and wanted me to die, and then when i went inside to drop off her phone, punched me so hard i dropped to the floor and repeatedly banged my head against the floor, dozens of times, and choked me for five-ten seconds. i have a black eye, knots on the back of my head, and bite marks on my shoulder. she said it was an episode of psychosis, which she implies i pushed her into (while still admitting responsibility).

am i wrong for thinking this is a lot more severe than just impulsively pushing a partner out of anger? not that that is okay either, of course.

i understand that when my partner BPD-splits, i become the monster in her eyes. and still, if i split on my partner, i wouldn't have inflicted this degree of physical violence on her. i wonder if there's something evil inside her for even having that impulse. the most i've ever done is shove her (after she's already exposed me to and normalized physical violence), which isn't okay either.

and still, i don't know how to say "you don't have to fly home, but you're not coming with me anymore. you're on your own."

I don’t even know how to categorize my post, really. I am still in shock. I am in a relationship of about 10 years with a person I am raising a pre-K aged child with.

My child’s father came home and got upset with me. What could have been a conversation between us quickly turned into him yelling at me. When I respectfully told him he was yelling, and consequently asked him to please leave the space, he lunged at me to snatch some papers I had been holding in one hand. He tore some of the papers (which are important to both of us) with the amount of physical force he used, and toppled my balance in the process. I continued to hold on to the papers somehow, so he moved to shove my grip and my entire body.

The sounds alarmed our roommates, and they came in to form a human shield around me. Meanwhile, he kept saying this was “bull”.

I feel lost and don’t know how to describe what happened. Am I in a situation that has now escalated to being physical? I am used to verbal abuse, but not this.

I appreciate any advice.

Hello everyone.

So, first and foremost, I need to point out that I am autistic, and have C-PTSD. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and... Well, to say he's been abusive throughout almost the whole relationship is not an exaggeration.

Im not interested in determining whether or not he has been abusive. The answer is an emphatic yes. But lately there's been some... Fuckery. I don't know how else to describe it.

Theres been near daily arguments the last 3 weeks. And there's a big emphasis on how actually I am the problem. There's constant reiterations of some version of "remember, if I leave you, you'll loose this, and that and I'll be taking that away from you."

Yet at the same time, he is repeatedly forcing me to promise, multiple times a day, that I am at fault, that I won't leave, that I do not want to leave, that I won't leave him, etc.

Now, as I am autistic. It takes me time to process things. Especially after arguments. I need time to break down and think about things. Time to process. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks, depending on what I am trying to process.

But my husband is just not giving me that chance to process. It's argument, arguments, promise, promise, promise, berate, promise, argument, berate, promise, promise, promise. This constant back and forth where I am objectively wrong in his mind.

He expects me to go to therapy to "fix" myself, which is essentially a personality 180 shift. But at the same time, he's not expecting me to 180 my personality. But I have to promise that I will. Because if he leaves me, then he keeps the pets. But I don't need to 180, just adjust to be exactly like he wants. And then I eed to promise I will never consider leaving him, but he can leave me. Also, it's been a day and a half since I promised to 180, why have I not do e it yet? Why do I not care and think it's okay to make him suffer so much?

I'm just so fucking confused as to what exactly is going on. What he's trying to do. Because on one hand it feels like threats and coersion. On the other, it feels like gaslighting or something. And it feels like it's a deliberate attempt to keep me from processing anything and keeping me tired and on edge.

Hello! I am 26(M) and my girlfriend is 23(F). We’ve just started dating again about a month ago after we broke up a few months ago. We broke up as I caught her flirting with other men when we were out together, and she was still going to her exs house and spending the whole day there. She asked me about hanging out with him, though didn’t know the extent of how they’d hang out for so long, at his house too. Though she says nothing happened, and I believed her, she is outwardly very principled on people who cheat and so on.

Now we’ve got back together, she has hit me twice. They’ve both been during times where we’ve been playing a game and she’s been losing, and she’s punched me in the stomach. The first time it happened, I said I don’t like it and that can’t happen again. We usually do little playful slaps on the arm when we are making jokes about each other like if somebody messes up a sentence and we joke about it, though nothing beyond being playful which we both do. She initially played the punch off as her joking, but it was much harder and was followed by really aggressive and angry language, which never happened before. It scared me and I froze up. I’m much bigger than her so it didn’t hurt, but it really hurt me emotionally?

The second time she hit me, I really put up a wall again. She hits me and gets seriously angry in her tone, she seems to switch? Like her facial expression drops, the tone of her voice seems so angry, and it just scares me. To the point of me feeling frozen and unable to do anything. I felt unable to say what the fuck are you doing? It’s just felt so disrespectful especially when I’d already set the boundary of how that can’t happen again? She again insisted it was a joke and she would do it with anybody, though I’ve never seen her playfully hit another person, never talk to anybody in that way, it just seems to be me?

We have a lot of mutual friends and it seems to be a running joke that she’s the angry one, that she’s the one full of rage and so on in the way she talks, but she never takes it out on anybody, she seems to feel fine taking it out on me?

What do I do about this?

My ex broke up with me almost two months ago after admitting he’d lied throughout our relationship. Now I’m left dealing with the financial and emotional fallout alone.
We were denied an apartment because he owed money to a previous residence. They offered to approve me alone, provided he wouldn’t live there or visit, but I felt guilty abandoning our plan to live together. I found another place, got approved, and arranged to add him, but he never signed the lease.
I paid the holding fee, deposit, furniture, internet, and utilities. Now he refuses to contribute or help find someone to take over the lease, even though he lives 20 minutes away. I’ve moved three hours away to be with family because the anxiety was overwhelming. Between the financial stress and having no car or reliable transportation to class, I also had to drop out of school, which I’d been so excited about.
I sacrificed so much for him. When we lived together, I was always home when he got back, making sure the apartment was clean and his food was taken care of. I put so much of my life aside to take care of him.
Meanwhile, there were multiple incidents of him yelling at me in public. One evening, a random family stepped between us and called him out for how he was treating me, they told him to “stop abusing me”After they left, he threw his things at me and threatened to leave me alone in the city at night. I ended up calming him down and ordering us an Uber.
Most recently, I received my school refund check which I think his mom sent it after taking three weeks to do so, I think he is too lazy and ashamed to do anything for me. Like dude I need that money like come on!
He’s blocked me everywhere while I’m left handling the bills, apartment, and disruption to my education. There’s so much I’m leaving out, but it’s been incredibly hard to process how someone I gave so much to could treat me this way. I just needed to get it off my chest.