This is the first time something like this happens to me so I am unsure if im overreacting or not.

The other night me and my boyfriend we're hanging out watching stuff on his phone, but I was so sleepy I layed down the opposite side from him. At first we're joking about how he didn't want me to go to sleep so we could still hangout. But then, he said "come over here" in a jokingly tone and pulled my hair.

I told him to stop, I didn’t liked that and he said that he did it softly, which is true. It didn't hurt, it wasn't intense but I've never experienced that in a relationship. He apologized after I told him to do so.

I am confused if this is a sign of abuse because he has always been a kind, soft and patient man. So that behavior caught me off guard. Am I overthinking everything?

Hey. So I had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 2 years. I didn't know but now I realize that I started self harming because my boundaries were crossed and he made me question my own reality. He was using DARVO a lot. At the beginning he was apologizing a lot reassuring me but then he started saying that reassurance is pointless since it doesn't help anyways when I am anxious. He went from reassuring and understanding to blaming me and saying that everything is my fault and that my self harm is manipulative. He started being frustrated with me and hanging up or leaving me alone in the argument or blocking my way and calling me abusive when I was trying to push him away. In an argument he literally told me to make it right and kill him the next time. Recently he wanted to take a break and then he flew to my country to break up while still being affectionate. I was really in a bad state and I was self harming a lot. He used to pin me to bed when I wanted to self harm when I felt like I couldn't escape and call me manipulative saying that if I wanted to stop then I would. He refused to hug me after that or talk to me. Then he wanted to take a break that he didn't know how long it would last and then he came to my country to break up while being affectionate. I begged him not to and after a while he agreed. Two weeks after that I started having stronger boundaries he adjusted for a week and then he threatened a breakup again. After a while of begging I woke up and said okay bye then he called me 4 times asking if we are together. I said no I'm not playing your games don't call me again. The day after he sent me a paragraph saying that we need to heal separately and that he will write a letter if and when he heals. I didn't respond and 4 days after that I got a new follower on Instagram (I hardly ever get any new followers) I'm glad that I woke up but it's still hard to believe in everything that happened. I blamed myself for a very long time and I can't believe how someone could be like this. He was paying for my therapy for a while because it was his idea and he promised but then he stopped because of a break and all of that.

I'm looking for honest opinions. My 18 month old son came home from his grandparents house on Thursday, where my mil was looking after him while my husband smoked shisha. The next morning, I noticed red marks on his back and inner arm (photos attached). I've never seen marks like these on him before.

My husband says he was playing a lot, but I tried squeezing my own skin with my fingernails and got similar-looking marks. My son was behaving normally.

I'm especially worried because my MIL was very toxic towards me during my first pregnancy and caused a major argument between my husband and me after our son was born.

I'm pregnant again, this time with a girl. My MIL has three sons and has always wanted a daughter, which makes me feel even more uneasy about the situation.

I don't want to accuse anyone without proof, but I can't stop wondering what happened.

Do these marks look like they could be from fingernails? Am I overthinking this, or would you be concerned too?

I'm planning to have a doctor examine him. I'd appreciate honest opinions.

I just want to start by putting a TW from the get go as this is about SA and i don’t want to hurt or trigger anyone if they continue to read on further.

I have been in a really abusive on/off relationship for the past three years. In every way a person can abuse another he has to me. Mentally,emotionally,physically,sexually,spiritually. Lies,cheating,manipulation,even making me question my own mental health and if i was deserving or to blame for the way he treats me.

Yesterday he come to my house, I had just had my wisdom tooth extracted on Monday and my mouth is still killing me. I feel really uncomfortable around him due to the other women and just knowing how much he has betrayed me over the years. He tried to kiss me and I told him to stop that i didn’t want to and my mouth was sore. He then started begging me to just sit on his lap, again I said no I really didn’t want to. He started saying “for once just say yes to me” “you drive me crazy” “I need ur ass” “can you see what you do to me” pointing to his privates. Honestly its such a blur but before I really knew it he was bending me over and i said repeatedly it was hurting (I wasn’t aroused in anyway obviously) he didn’t listen he said “I will be quick” i totally detached on the spot, its like remembering it happening to another person not me? He then finished all over my back and asked me “why ur face looks like that” after what he done.

I feel totally disgusting today and humiliated. This isn’t the first time i have felt forced to do things sexually that i didn’t want to do. The constant pressure and degrading way he would speak to me, accusing me of lying, being gay, saying I’m “fucking someone else” when i have never cheated on him, thats his style not mine.

I don’t really know what or why I’m writing this, I don’t have anyone else i can confide in as i feel to blame for all the countless times i went back to him and for putting myself in that situation. My kids are at their dads for the evening so I’m trying to be kind to myself and just rest, giving myself grace and trying to remind myself that I’m not to blame for any of this……I still feel like its my fault though.

I broke up with a long time bf. He tried to argue to get me to stay in the relationship but I didn't crack. Then he started trying to bait me by saying how horrible I treated him which in the past made me try to defend myself. So I stopped doing that, which to him sounded like I was ghosting him.

Then he says, I am controlling because I'm not arguing anymore. "And like instead of ranting and raving when they know it bugs the guy, they do it more, so it’s like a control thing.  The problem is, all the guy (he laughs) has to do is, show up at your house! Show up at (daughters) place! You know what I mean, I even have her email and address and (son's) and (relative's)"

So I don't know if he is threatening to show up at my kid's plaes or what. What should I do?

I don’t even know how to categorize my post, really. I am still in shock. I am in a relationship of about 10 years with a person I am raising a pre-K aged child with.

My child’s father came home and got upset with me. What could have been a conversation between us quickly turned into him yelling at me. When I respectfully told him he was yelling, and consequently asked him to please leave the space, he lunged at me to snatch some papers I had been holding in one hand. He tore some of the papers (which are important to both of us) with the amount of physical force he used, and toppled my balance in the process. I continued to hold on to the papers somehow, so he moved to shove my grip and my entire body.

The sounds alarmed our roommates, and they came in to form a human shield around me. Meanwhile, he kept saying this was “bull”.

I feel lost and don’t know how to describe what happened. Am I in a situation that has now escalated to being physical? I am used to verbal abuse, but not this.

I appreciate any advice.

​(27F) I dated a guy (30M) for four years. After two years, it was clear he was just killing time—he never supported me.

To give you an idea of what he’s like: if I fell ill, he wouldn’t even check on me the next day to see how I was doing. If I faced a difficult situation, he wouldn’t stand by me or even offer a word of comfort. He wanted to talk about shitty things all the time or talk about himself. When I would explain a tough situation to him, he’d offer only the briefest of responses; I’d end up feeling like I was a burden, so I’d change the subject and he would immediately pivot to the new topic, as if my feelings didn’t matter at all.

​We broke up. After four months, he begged for a second chance (during those months, he took zero accountability He was waiting for me to return so he could evade responsibility and apologize. He even panicked when he saw me by chance and realized I hadn't noticed him). I took him back because I felt lonely, but he hadn't changed at all.

​When I suggested keeping our relationship strictly surface-level with zero expectations, he completely refused. That’s when I realized he's a selfish narcissist who only wanted me around for his own convenience. So, I walked away for good.

Bonjour,

Je poste ce message aujourd'hui car j'ai besoin de vider mon sac face à ce qui reste un véritable traumatisme pour moi.

Il y a quelques mois, j'ai découvert que mon ex m'avait trompée du début à la fin de notre relation. Il utilisait une seconde carte SIM ( chinoise ) sur son téléphone pour utiliser des applis comme télégram wechat et j’en passe.. et bien sûr ses maîtresses avaient son second numéro et donc il pouvait orchestrer tranquillement ses tromperies. Pire encore : son frère et sa sœur étaient parfaitement au courant et ont joué le jeu.
Pendant toute notre relation, il m'a fait passer pour la « jalouse maladive» et la paranoïaque de service, alors qu'il me manipulait sciemment.
J’ai même fini par comprendre qu’il couchait parfois avec elle(s) sous mon toit dans mon propre lit.
Même pendant que j’enterrais mon papa il a osé ..
Aujourd'hui, je n'éprouve plus aucun sentiment bienveillant pour lui. Mais la blessure psychologique, elle, est bien là et je dirais même physique car maintenant je suis capable de dire que j’ai mal au cœur en le pensant vraiment.
Il ne voulait pas d’enfant ni acheter pour différentes raisons ( je les ai comprises aujourd’hui évidement ) il savait que c’est ce que je souhaitais et m’a fait perdre 4 ans et demi de ma vie à un âge crucial car j’étais prête à faire des concessions par amour pour lui.
Parmis les femmes que j’ai identifié il y en plusieurs qui travaillent ou ont travaillé au même endroit que moi car oui, malheureusement lui aussi. Je me sens donc absolument humiliée et c’est un sentiment que je ne souhaite à personne car il m’a donné envie de mourir.

J'ai du mal à sortir ces pensées de ma tête et à accepter d'avoir été victime d'une telle imposture. Ça me dépasse et me détruit de réaliser à quel point je n’étais qu’un pion dans le jeu de sa double vie.

-Oui j’aurai pu m’en apercevoir car de nombreuses captures d’écran qu’il m’a envoyé prouvait bien qu’il avait deux cartes SIM ( dont 1 chinoise ) mais je n’ai rien vu car j’avais confiance en lui et je n’ai donc pas examiné ces captures à l’époque et je suis même persuadée que ça l’a amusé de m’envoyer des preuves que je ne voyais même pas ( un sociopathe )
-Oui il y a eu des red flag au début surtout pour des mensonges mais j’ai fini par croire que je l’empêchais d’avoir des copines et donc il en venait à me mentir pour des bêtises alors que ces mensonges révèlent aujourd’hui bien plus d’atrocités.
-Oui il avait beaucoup moins envie de coucher avec moi et j’en souffrais énormément car je n’ai jamais cessé de le désirer
-Oui, avec le recul, il a parfois été très méchant dans ses propos et sa façon d’être avec moi mais … l’amour rend aveugle ..
-Oui je me suis fait dépister
-Oui je suis suivi psychologiquement
-Oui je suis entourée de proches sans qui je n’aurai pas survécu

Mais malgré tout je continue de souffrir et j’ai peur que cela reste beaucoup trop long à guérir et je ne sais pas si j’ai la force de vivre en ne sachant pas quand je vais de nouveau avoir la vie que je mérite et vivre paisiblement et aussi faire confiance à qui que ce soit ..

Certaines / certains d'entre vous ont déjà vécu cette forme de trahison orchestrée ? Comment avez-vous réussi à tourner la page émotionnellement et à stopper les ruminations ? Car je ne dors plus tellement je me sens profondément trahis, humiliée, utilisée, salie, méprisée et bien sûr traumatisée.

Merci pour votre aide.

Context: my boyfriend and I went out for drinks and he was so angry and trying to get into fights the whole time. We got back and he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong and kept hiding under a blanket. I tried pulling it off of him and he hit me in the face, and then pushed me into a wall. I thought it was an accident so I kept trying and then he pushed me head first off of his bed and I have a goose egg and bruise. He’s drunk and swears he would never mean to hurt me and that it’s nothing but I feel sick.

I got choked, dragged, and slapped so hard it took me minutes to try to recollect myself. My boyfriend got mad at me for not wanting to speak and closing the bedroom door on him. I’ve had a temporary restraining order on him the last month. However I’m just an idiot who allowed myself to be manipulated and never extended the restraining order.
I’ve called 911 twice today. They did not show up. I escaped the house with my dog and my emergency stash bag if things did get worse. It’s been 4 hours since my last two calls to 911 asking for help. I live in a high crime rate area but this is disheartening and it’s really driving me to the edge.
I’m really sorry but I’m just posting to vent. I’m now hitting hour 5 and no cop has showed up to meet me where I’ve escaped too for now so I suppose I will be sleeping in the car with my dog.
I contemplated giving up. I don’t have the fight in my anymore when there’s no hope left for me to get help.

So I'm making plans to leave my husband and I've never been more terrified but excited at once. I'm a SAHM mom currently or a one yr old so I have a ton of crap ahead of me to deal with I'm sure (knowing my STBX) but I'll finally have freedom!

So tell me if you've left what does life look like for you now? I want to hear everything. OR if you're planning on leaving like me; telll me your plans? What are you most excited about? Most scared about?

Me, I'm most excited not only to be able to worry about me and my daughter ONLY, but I can decorate my OWN place how I want, spend my money how I want (responsibly ofc),
WEAR HEELS!!! (He's short he hates that I'm taller than him which is crazy cause he knew this when he asked me out 13 yrs ago).
GO OUT with my girls and wear what I want; not rush home, not check my phone every second bc he decides he wants to "dirty talk" ( really it's just a control tactic).
Bring myself to therapy bc he doesn't believe in therapy..
I'm excited to go on dates (one day after some healing ofc) and actually have ROMANCE,gasp!! So many things to be excited about.

as i write this my partner is washing my clothes in a hotel bathroom in asia.

four days ago, only a few days into our first international trip together as a couple, my partner slapped my head and my glasses dropped to the floor, shattering, because i told her to watch her volume (she was yelling at me because i've struggled a lot with extending her patience while she's abroad for the first time, which is entirely fair) bc we were surrounded by other apartments, and then repeatedly punched me in the shoulder because i told her i just wanted her to be mindful.

two days ago, and only a week into our first international trip together, which is supposed to be up to six months, and which we've been planning for months and investing a lot of money into, i told my partner outside of a crowded museum, after she told me she could see that i was losing feelings for her, that she wasn't gaslighting herself and i did have some doubts whether i wanted to remain in the relationship, and she stormed off. when i found her and tried to explain myself, she threw her phone at me and stormed off again. she finally made her way back to our hostel, where she proceeded to tell me she hated me and wanted me to die, and then when i went inside to drop off her phone, punched me so hard i dropped to the floor and repeatedly banged my head against the floor, dozens of times, and choked me for five-ten seconds. i have a black eye, knots on the back of my head, and bite marks on my shoulder. she said it was an episode of psychosis, which she implies i pushed her into (while still admitting responsibility).

am i wrong for thinking this is a lot more severe than just impulsively pushing a partner out of anger? not that that is okay either, of course.

i understand that when my partner BPD-splits, i become the monster in her eyes. and still, if i split on my partner, i wouldn't have inflicted this degree of physical violence on her. i wonder if there's something evil inside her for even having that impulse. the most i've ever done is shove her (after she's already exposed me to and normalized physical violence), which isn't okay either.

and still, i don't know how to say "you don't have to fly home, but you're not coming with me anymore. you're on your own."

I'm 23F, currently going through a divorce from my active-duty military husband, and I wanted to share my experience because I'm struggling to process everything that happened in my marriage.

We were married for almost three years. I moved across the country to be with him, away from my family and everything familiar, because I genuinely loved him and wanted to build a future together.

For a significant part of our marriage, he struggled with severe alcoholism. He would drink excessively, sometimes to the point of blacking out, and I was constantly dealing with the consequences.

One of the most degrading things was that he would repeatedly urinate in our bed while drunk. I would wake up lying in his urine. He would also urinate on my clothes, clean sheets, and other belongings. Even when he promised to clean everything himself, he would sometimes just throw the urine-soaked bedding into the laundry hamper and leave it for me.

I was the one washing everything, cleaning the mattress, and dealing with the disgusting aftermath. This happened repeatedly, not just once or twice.

I don't know whether every incident was intentional, but I know that he repeatedly left me to deal with it.

It wasn't just that, either. I was cooking his meals, cleaning our home, doing laundry, helping with his military uniforms, and taking care of our two dogs. I genuinely wanted to be a loving, supportive wife.

And somehow, I was still made to feel like I wasn't doing enough.

The week I caught him cheating is something I don't think I'll ever forget.

A few weeks earlier, I had attended a four-day music festival with my best friend from my teenage years.

My husband was originally supposed to go, but he told me he couldn't because he might have to leave for military duties. I asked him whether he was comfortable with me going with my friend instead, and he said yes.

I remember him emphasizing that this would be the first time I was the one leaving for a trip instead of him, since he was usually the one leaving for military assignments.

I was gone for four days.

And during those four days, he cheated on me.

I later learned that he had even brought the other woman into our home while I was away.

What makes it especially heartbreaking is that when I came home, I went right back to being his wife. I was making him different meals every day, taking care of him, and going about our normal routine, completely unaware of what he'd been doing behind my back.

Then, just before I caught him, something happened that perfectly sums up how he treated me.

He had left a disgusting fecal stain on the side of our toilet for the second day in a row.

I asked him why he hadn't cleaned up after himself.

His response was, "Why can't you?"

That was the attitude I dealt with. He expected me to clean up after him, even when it came to his own bodily waste.

And within a day or two of that interaction, I caught him cheating.

I didn't find out by looking through his phone. I literally caught him with the other woman in his truck.

I noticed something suspicious about his location and followed it through our shared location tracking.

Before driving over, I called him to ask what he was doing. He acted like I was crazy for questioning him.

But I trusted my instincts and drove to where his location showed him.

And there he was, with another woman in his truck.

I cannot describe how surreal that moment felt.

After everything I had done for him, after years of putting up with his alcoholism, cleaning up his messes, and trying to make our marriage work, I was standing there looking at my husband with another woman.

And the first thing he did wasn't apologize. He blamed me.

He immediately became defensive and told me, "You always treat me like shit."

I remember being completely stunned.

I was the one who had been taking care of him. I was the one cooking his meals, washing his clothes, cleaning up after his drunken episodes, and trying to support him.

Yet somehow, in the moment I caught him betraying me, he made himself the victim.

That night, the confrontation escalated into physical violence. He put his hands on me, and I eventually reported the domestic assault to the police.

A military protective order was put in place, and he was removed from our shared housing.

Another thing that hurts is how little he seemed to care about actually making things right.

In the days immediately afterward, he kept deflecting and blaming me.

When I talked about leaving, his attitude would swing between telling me I wasn't leaving and then saying things like, "Fine, then fucking leave. Stop taking advantage of me and using me."

Taking advantage of him for what?

I had given up so much to be with him.

At the time, I was unemployed because he had encouraged me to quit my job and attend college full-time.

I had gone back to school because I wanted to build a better financial future for the family I thought we were creating. I wanted to eventually have a career that would allow me to contribute more financially.

Instead, being financially dependent on him made the possibility of leaving even more frightening.

Looking back, I question whether encouraging that dependence was also a form of financial control.

He would even accuse me of cheating when I went to my college classes, despite the fact that I barely socialized with anyone. I mostly kept to myself and occasionally spoke with one female classmate.

Meanwhile, he was the one being unfaithful.

And all of this happened during my finals week.

I was trying to finish my semester while my entire marriage was falling apart.

I remember one of our last conversations, a few days after I caught him.

I was so devastated and angry that I confronted him loudly outside our home, where the neighbors could hear me describing what he'd done.

He continued denying things and deflecting.

The closest thing he gave me to wanting to repair the marriage was, "We can make this work."

That statement still bothers me.

What exactly was I supposed to work on?

I wasn't the one who cheated. I wasn't the one who repeatedly drank myself into oblivion. I wasn't the one who had physically assaulted my spouse.

And yet he acted like repairing the marriage was somehow a shared responsibility without meaningfully acknowledging what he'd done.

I think one of the things that hurt most was realizing that he wasn't fighting for me in the way I had spent years fighting for our marriage.

I also learned things about his behavior cheating on me with other men too that shocked me, especially because he had previously made openly homophobic comments. My issue wasn't the gender of anyone involved. It was the dishonesty, hypocrisy, and realization that I didn't know the person I was married to as well as I thought I did.

Why did I stay as long as I did?

Because I genuinely wanted my marriage to work.

I was so young when I got married, and the thought of getting divorced in my early twenties terrified me.

I didn't know how divorce worked. I didn't know what would happen financially. I didn't know where I would go or how I would start over.

I was also scared of feeling like I'd failed at marriage.

I kept hoping things would get better, that he would change, that the drinking would stop, and that we could eventually have the relationship I had imagined.

But I eventually had to accept that I couldn't love someone into treating me properly.

It's now been almost six months since everything happened.

I moved back across the country to live with my family, and I'm trying to rebuild my life.

I'm working again, saving money, and continuing college. I'm completing my prerequisites for a radiologic technology program because I want to become an X-ray technologist, eventually specialize in CT, and have a career that allows me to be financially independent.

I've been doing really well academically, which is something I'm proud of.

I have my family, and goals that I'm genuinely excited about.

But emotionally, it's complicated.

Some days I feel relieved that I'm no longer living in that environment. Other days I feel furious when I remember how I was treated.

Sometimes I think about how much time I spent taking care of someone who could betray me so easily.

And sometimes I think about the fact that I was only gone for four days.

Four days.

I was enjoying a music festival with my childhood best friend, feeling guilty my husband wasnt there and something I had asked my own husband if he was comfortable with, and he used that time to betray me.

I know logically that his cheating wasn't caused by me leaving for four days. But emotionally, it still hurts to think about.

I also struggle with the fact that he didn't seem genuinely remorseful or willing to take accountability and just the coldness and lack of even trying for me is what hurts alot.

I think part of me wanted him to realize what he'd lost, apologize sincerely, and actually fight to make things right.

Not because I necessarily would have taken him back, but because I wanted to feel like the years I spent loving him meant something.

And now I have to accept that I might never receive the acknowledgment or apology I wanted.

Something else I've noticed is how much I want a healthy relationship someday.

I sometimes find myself watching videos of happy couples and imagining what it would be like to be with a genuinely kind, patient, emotionally mature man.

Someone who respects me, makes me feel safe, and doesn't make me responsible for managing his destructive behavior.

I want to experience love without constantly feeling anxious, disrespected, or taken for granted.

But I also want to learn how to be happy on my own first.

I want to enjoy my twenties, make friends, travel, finish school, and build a life I'm proud of.

I don't want the person who hurt me to continue taking up so much space in my head.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone, especially women who have left alcoholic or abusive marriages.

• Did you struggle with anger months after leaving, even when you knew leaving was the right decision?
• Did you ever feel like you wasted years of your life taking care of someone who didn't appreciate you?
• How did you get past wanting your ex to acknowledge what they did or show genuine remorse?
• Did you ever feel embarrassed about moving back home and starting over?
• How did you rebuild your confidence and learn to trust people again?
• Did you eventually find a healthy relationship, and what was different about it?
• At what point did you stop thinking about your ex so much and start feeling genuinely happy again?
• whats some advice you think would serve me the best moving forward?

I know I'm only 23 and have my entire life ahead of me. I know I have opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I'd stayed in that marriage.

But knowing that logically and actually feeling it emotionally are two different things.

I would love to hear from people who were once in my position and are now a few years further into their healing.

What does life look like for you now, and what helped you finally move forward?

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

it’s been a long while since then, and i’ve gotten a restraining order so he’ll stay away from me but…i still don’t know. i was 18 at the time and he was 19.

i was with this guy for 2 years or so. throughout the whole relationship, everyone was telling me to leave. he was isolating me, threatening to khs, ignoring me. at one point, i had an attempt on my life and he ignored me for a whole week because “i didn’t love him anymore” even when my wrist was sprained and couldn’t text him, he blamed me for it. he only paid attention to me after i begged him to + did something sexual. those were the only times he actually gave me affection. i spent so much time begging for him to look at me with a straight face or immediately say he was a bad person and cry.

i was supposed to go to spain for university, but he kept guilt tripping me so i ended up staying. he said all my friends hated me and i was all he had. he even told me that he would do things to hurt me on purpose. he told me he wanted me to be sadder and more depressed because that meant i “needed” him.

i finally broke up with him one day. he begged for me back and i came back, only for HIM to break up with me on our monthsary. he bought me flowers, said he’d take me to my favorite place…then broke up with me, saying i was hard to love.

i made mistakes too. nearing the end of the relationship i threatened to hurt myself whenever he started stonewalling me or ignoring me. i screamed at him. i was guttural. i don’t wanna pretend like im perfect, im not. i feel guilty about it everyday.

i didn’t understand why he broke up with me like that. i started sobbing in public. he was trying to leave because he said his next math class was more important than this. then he said he “just didn’t feel love for me anymore” and then smirked at me, and then he laughed. i felt like my mind went blank, i screeched, and then i punched him. he’s like 6’0 and im 4’11, i can’t even remember how i managed to punch his face. all i remember was my adrenaline going high, and feeling like i was in the most danger ive ever been in my life. i felt like a circus animal.

i saw him again one more time after that. he was talking shit about me, saying i was a crazy bitch. saying that if i died, he wouldn’t give a shit. i went up to him, asking him to stop..and he laughed at me. he said he “didn’t care about me” his expression didn’t even change. he just looked at me with a straight face; and this look in his eye.

i don’t want to be a bad person. i feel like a monster. he’s still talking badly now. i’m scared of him. i’m so scared. i should’ve known. at the start of the relationship he literally lied to some other girl, two timing me by saying to the other girl “oh i did like u, i just fumbled u” instead of saying he just wanted to be in a relationship with me.

i don’t know who i am anymore.

edit: i genuinely don’t know what this is considered and it’s scaring me, if it’s okay, please tell me ur thoughts maybe :’((

Sometimes, abuse doesn't start with physical violence. It begins gradually with emotional manipulation, blame-shifting, and making you feel like everything you say or ask is an argument.

I was in a relationship where asking simple questions turned into constant arguments. The yelling started, things were thrown, and I found myself walking on eggshells around someone who was supposed to make me feel safe. There was projection, manipulation, dishonesty, cheating, neglect, and a lack of emotional commitment and genuine connection. I kept questioning myself, hoping things would change, and trying to make sense of everything I was experiencing.

For a long time, I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't prove the infidelity until I sought help and gathered the evidence. Facing the truth was painful, but it opened my eyes to the reality of the relationship I was in.

Eventually, I realized that love shouldn't cost me my peace, self-worth, or emotional well-being. I couldn't keep sacrificing myself to save a relationship that was slowly breaking me. So, I made the difficult decision to walk away—not because I stopped caring, but because I finally understood that I deserved better.

I'm still healing, learning to trust myself again, and finding my way back to the person I was before all the hurt.

I'm sharing my story for anyone silently enduring something similar. You don't have to wait until the abuse becomes physical to acknowledge that you're being hurt. You don't have to prove every lie or explain every wound before choosing yourself.

Sometimes, surviving means walking away from someone you love to save the person you're becoming. ❤️‍🩹

To anyone going through this, I see you. You're not weak for staying, and you're not wrong for leaving. You deserve peace, honesty, respect, and a love that makes you feel safe. 🫂❤️

That guy I was with put me through so much. He would put me in danger as in speeding driving recklessly and swerving on highways, breaking my phone and property, breaking into my house if I tried to reschedule our dates, had my neighbors calling the cops multiple times because he didn’t care to start yelling and screaming until he got his way just embarrassing me, I couldn’t wear what I wanted, locking me in his restroom and room, pinning me down if i wanted to leave and attempting to commit multiple times in front of my house when i wanted to break up with him and when I made friends he would scare them away and drag me out of conversations with them by my arm. So yes abuse.

It took me a long time to get here though, to be at the stage of not caring. I went through the missing him stage, the guilt stage, the blaming myself stage, the “what could’ve been“ stage, and all the stages in between. Now i genuinely don’t care. I cut off contact with him and he tried reaching out to me earlier this month and I cut that last string of contact off. I wasn’t leaving a little door open where he can still talk to me, I genuinely cut off all contact and I don’t feel a thing about it. I don’t feel bad, I don’t miss him, i dont care. I look back at the girl I was when I was with him and never thinking it was possible, but I’m here now and I’m actually disgusted by him. But it’s also like he never existed to me, i don’t know that guy 🤣 but yeah f*** that dumbahh abuser. it’s kinda crazy how detaching works when someone abused you, but when you’re in that situation it’s so blinding. The first paragraph I wrote, I didn’t even realize I was being abused until i detached from that guy. These abusers are literal demons. I literally was thinking “f*** you b****” when I cut off that last string !!!! b

So if you’re thinking about leaving or scared what the future holds without that person, this is your sign!!! Don’t go back into that cycle, you will start seeing things for what they truly are. it’s not love, it’s attachment and don’t let attachment cost you. They won’t change, if will only get worse. PLEASE LEAVEEEEE and don’t go back you will thank yourself in the future

Honestly, I don’t really understand how I ended up here.

We’ve been together about four years. The first eight months were more of a situationship. She was charming and fun to be around, and she opened up about her childhood trauma early on. Looking back, I think I started trying to fix things for her. We lived together for a while, but I moved away for work. We’re now in different cities.

I grew up with a disabled younger brother, and I wonder if that’s part of why I find it so hard to disappoint people or stop feeling responsible for them. I’ve been in therapy for two years, which has helped.

I’ve tried to break up with her at least four times. Every time, I end up backing down because her reaction scares me and I feel guilty.

Last year was the worst. She has hit her head with her hands and sobbed in a way I’ve never seen before. I haven’t seen her injure herself beyond that, so I want to be accurate about what happened. She also stays awake all night and seems completely unable to function. She has said it hurts so much that she feels she couldn’t live. I believe she really is hurting, and that makes it incredibly difficult to follow through.

In June, I built up the courage to try again, but I still haven’t managed to leave for good. Sometimes she threatens to leave me herself, but when I try to end it, she won’t accept it. I stop replying, and she booked a ticket and came to my city. We spent hours or days talking. She listened and promised everything will change, but she never accepts that I want to end the relationship. Eventually, I give in.

She doesn’t seem to have close friends, or she pulls away from the friends she has. She says she isn’t close to her family, although she does see them sometimes. I don’t know how much support they could offer.

This is affecting my work and everyday life. I feel like I have to pretend everything is fine between us while I’m anxious and scared. When I try to start the breakup conversation, sometimes I freeze and physically can’t get the words out.

I’ve decided I need to end it. I could do it by phone, in person, or when she visits family in another country soon. Meeting in person really scares me. Waiting until she’s with family might mean she has support, but I’m worried about how she’ll react there too.

I’m scared she’ll keep trying anything she can until I give in again. How do I actually follow through? What should I do if she comes to my door or becomes extremely distressed?

TL;DR: I want to leave, but every attempt ends with me staying out of fear and guilt. She can travel to my home when I stop responding. It’s affecting my ability to function, and I need advice on ending things safely.

Hello everyone.

So, first and foremost, I need to point out that I am autistic, and have C-PTSD. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and... Well, to say he's been abusive throughout almost the whole relationship is not an exaggeration.

Im not interested in determining whether or not he has been abusive. The answer is an emphatic yes. But lately there's been some... Fuckery. I don't know how else to describe it.

Theres been near daily arguments the last 3 weeks. And there's a big emphasis on how actually I am the problem. There's constant reiterations of some version of "remember, if I leave you, you'll loose this, and that and I'll be taking that away from you."

Yet at the same time, he is repeatedly forcing me to promise, multiple times a day, that I am at fault, that I won't leave, that I do not want to leave, that I won't leave him, etc.

Now, as I am autistic. It takes me time to process things. Especially after arguments. I need time to break down and think about things. Time to process. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks, depending on what I am trying to process.

But my husband is just not giving me that chance to process. It's argument, arguments, promise, promise, promise, berate, promise, argument, berate, promise, promise, promise. This constant back and forth where I am objectively wrong in his mind.

He expects me to go to therapy to "fix" myself, which is essentially a personality 180 shift. But at the same time, he's not expecting me to 180 my personality. But I have to promise that I will. Because if he leaves me, then he keeps the pets. But I don't need to 180, just adjust to be exactly like he wants. And then I eed to promise I will never consider leaving him, but he can leave me. Also, it's been a day and a half since I promised to 180, why have I not do e it yet? Why do I not care and think it's okay to make him suffer so much?

I'm just so fucking confused as to what exactly is going on. What he's trying to do. Because on one hand it feels like threats and coersion. On the other, it feels like gaslighting or something. And it feels like it's a deliberate attempt to keep me from processing anything and keeping me tired and on edge.

Honestly it seems like I am not able to do anything for myself anymore?!

I mean, apparently I’m not able to do TikTok’s anymore without him, I’m not even able to be creative on my own.

He literally has to INVOLVE himself in everything! I mean everything.

Nothing can no longer be “my thing” or “my dream” no, he now has to have the same dream as me. He tells me it’s not a competition but that’s exactly what it has been with him.

He tells me that it’s not a competition, and yet tells me he’s gonna do this and that and be “BETTER” than me or anyone.

And I am so tired of it. Like I literally can’t do anything anymore.

I broke up with him on September 20. I thought I would've cracked by now and sent him a text, but surprisingly I haven't. I don't even know what is left to say. What do you say to someone who spat in your face, not once, but twice, and generally seems to think it's okay? That's not all that happened either.

This man choked me, he’s thrown my belongings out into the hallway of his building complex on several occasions. He’s called me degrading names. He’s threatened to kill me. He’s ripped blankets off of me. He’s slapped me. He’s taken my phone and hid it. He’s threatened to throw my phone off a balcony. He’s told me to go kill myself. And he thinks it's all okay and justified just because I made him angry. He is insane.

This man is a disgusting human being and bottom of the barrel.

I find myself mostly feeling rage. Don't get me wrong, I have also felt sadness, heartbreak, disappointment and more. I have often found myself wishing bad things would happen to him. Wishing that he would receive the worst karma in the world.

But he already hates his life. His life is smoking weed 24/7, sleeping all day, working a dead-end job that he’s been in for the last seven years, and then doing coke and binge drinking on the weekends with his friends who are terrible people.

The man is already in hell, and you know what, he deserves it. Since leaving I can feel that my nervous system has completely calmed down. My face is less puffy, my gut is calmer, my eye stopped twitching.

I guess that's what happens when you get a horrible person out of your life. I do still find myself wishing he would reach out and apologize. I have some choice words for him.

But for now, I’ll celebrate that I haven't gone back to him. I’m free.

For reference I have hurt him a lot in the past unintentionally and its reduced his tolerance for conflict. We recently had a really rough argument bc i was missing him and communicated in an insecure way when we had to sleep. But the argument that followed has me questioning the relationship. I listed some behaviours below - not all are repeated, some are. I wanted to ask whether my boyfriend is abusive or not. This is my first relationship.

List;
- Saying things like shut up during conflict (one off)
- Low tolerance for my feelings bc ive hurt him in the past
- Talking to me like im a child (multiple times)
- Insulting my capability to have a healthy relationship
- Getting angry when I share my feelings about the way he communicates his hurt to me
- Verbally silencing me during conflict and giving me a lecture like I’m inferior
- Repeatedly bringing up a past thing I did to hurt him (feels like eternal punishment)
- Getting angry during conflict when I tell him to do something despite telling me what to do
- Strong language during conflict (you messed up)

​

I had trust issues because of his past, but I still gave him a chance because I genuinely loved him and wanted a future with him. I wanted to marry him someday and thought he was serious about me.

I decided to test his loyalty, and he failed. 💔 I don't want to share personal details, but what happened was enough for me to lose my trust in him.

He'll probably text me tomorrow like nothing happened, but I've already decided to end this relationship. I don't want advice on whether I should leave him because my decision is made.

I just need to know how to move on from someone I genuinely thought I'd marry.

I’m genuinely asking because I feel like nobody talks enough about how much a psychologically abusive relationship can change you as a person.

I’ve been through what feels like three separate ego deaths, struggled with eating disorders and depression, gained weight, and completely lost my ability to imagine being intimate with someone again.

One of the worst parts is that my ex constantly body-shamed me throughout our relationship. And here’s the thing: I was literally underweight when we were together. I wasn’t fat. Not even remotely. Yet somehow, this person managed to convince me that there was something fundamentally wrong with my body, to the point where I developed serious issues with eating and my appearance.

Now, whenever I look at pictures of myself from that period, I quite literally want to die. Not because of how I looked, but because I can see someone who was already so thin and yet genuinely believed they weren’t small enough. It makes me sick to realize just how much power I gave this person over me, how deeply I internalized their words, and how much of myself I lost in the process.

I look at those pictures and wonder how someone could make me hate myself so much when there was absolutely nothing wrong with me to begin with.

And the worst part is that I’m still living with the consequences. My relationship with my body is completely different now. I’ve gained weight, my self-esteem has taken a massive hit, and I struggle to imagine ever feeling comfortable being vulnerable with another person again.

And I don’t just mean physically. I mean emotionally, too. The thought of letting someone know me that intimately, giving them access to my insecurities, trusting them enough to be completely myself around them, feels almost impossible.

Meanwhile, the person who hurt me is apparently out there living their best life and getting into new relationships, while I’m still trying to put myself back together.

And before anyone suggests that I stop checking up on them, I don’t. I genuinely don’t want to know anything about this person anymore. I’ve deliberately avoided updates, and I’ve explicitly told my friends that I don’t want to hear about them. Unfortunately, a friend told me about their new relationship anyway, so now I have information I never wanted in the first place.

The frustrating part is that I don’t even want this person back. I don’t want to reconnect, I don’t want to know what they’re doing, and I don’t want them in my life. Everything related to them is triggering, and I just want to exist without being reminded of that chapter of my life.

But hearing that they’ve moved on while I’ve been dealing with the psychological consequences of what happened really messed with my head.

It feels incredibly unfair that someone can have such a devastating impact on another person’s mental health and seemingly continue living their life without consequences.

And I know that what someone shows on the outside doesn’t necessarily reflect how they’re actually doing. I know healing isn’t a competition. Intellectually, I understand all of that.

But emotionally? It’s exhausting.

I feel like the relationship didn’t just hurt me. It fundamentally changed my relationship with myself, my body, and other people. Sometimes I genuinely wonder whether I’ll ever be able to see myself without hearing the things this person used to say about me.

I miss being able to imagine falling in love without feeling terrified of what that might cost me. I miss feeling comfortable in my own skin. I miss the version of myself who hadn’t yet learned to hate things about herself because someone else repeatedly pointed them out.

How do you stop hearing the horrible things someone said about your body, even after they’re no longer around? How do you become comfortable with intimacy again? How do you stop comparing your recovery to someone else’s apparent happiness?

For those of you who have been through something similar, did you ever genuinely feel like yourself again?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve actually experienced this, because right now I just want to feel like a normal person again.

Please don’t speculate about my ex’s current relationship or whether they’ll ever face consequences. I really don’t want to know anything else about this person. I’m looking for advice about healing, not about them.

hi! i have never actually posted on reddit before but something weird happened between me and boyfriend last night. he’s never hit me or beaten me. we have play fought before but it’s never gone far but, im also not the biggest fan of it. but last night he was just giving me small k!sses all over my face for a couple of minutes and then out of nowhere he lightly starts ch0k!ng me. i don’t exactly remember what i felt in the moment i just remember feeling weird, uncomfortable and a bit scared. i told him to chill and he didn’t stop until i asked him again. he then looked at me and asked me if i was alright. the combination of the feelings i was feeling and the situation and the look in his eyes made me start to cry and i explained to him i didn’t like “playing” like that. i just automatically assumed he was playing but i became anxious and scared of the idea that he wasn’t. we later took a car ride and it was silent. and when we got home and took a shower, he then apologized for always “making me upset” and doing things that “made me upset.” i accepted his apology and moved on but deep down, i wish we talked about what happened because it was weird and it felt serious but i took it as a joke because it was light and I don’t have any bru!s3s.

Hi everyone,
Healing from domestic violence is rarely a straight line. Often, just getting to "Day 1" of choosing yourself and your mental health takes an immense amount of strength. It can feel completely overwhelming to figure out what comes next when you are trying to rebuild your life, your boundaries, and your sense of self from the ground up.
Because of this, I wanted to create a dedicated space for survivors to process, heal, and slowly start to grow again at their own pace.
I’ve just released **Reclaim Your Path**, a supportive domestic violence workbook designed to guide you through that exact transition—from those heavy early days to a place of genuine, long-term healing.
**What’s inside the workbook:**
Guided prompts to help you unpack and process your experiences safely.
Actionable mental health exercises to rebuild self-esteem and rediscover who you are.
Strategic tools to help you establish firm boundaries and map out a safe, empowered future.
A gentle, non-judgmental approach that reminds you it's okay to "bloom right where you start."
It is currently available in both **Paperback** and **Ebook** formats so you can choose whichever format feels most private and comfortable for your personal healing journey.
If you or someone you care about is currently walking this path, I truly hope this resource can serve as a gentle watering can for your mental health. You don't have to have it all figured out today—just starting is enough.

The link to check it out is available.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0HP387PBL?dplnkId=a495e177-93dc-4472-9dc0-46521b8b10e6&nodl=1

Thank you all for being such an incredibly supportive community.