Everybody kept saying it’s not my fault. That there’s nothing I could have done. That I can’t bring him back. But honestly I can’t shake this feeling of guilt.

I was not the kindest to him on his last days when I still thought he had beat the cancer, not knowing I would never get the chance to speak with him again. I wasn’t nice to him, I took distance when walking with him because I was upset even though he wanted me close to catch him because he wasn’t feeling good. I barely talked to him when I got home from work. I took a second part time job behind his back, even though he had expressed before he didn’t want me to because he’d see me less often. I didn’t listen to him when he didn’t want to store food in the freezer.

Now he’s gone. But I’ll be with him once I fulfilled all the promises I made. He will never be alone.

I’m 27, been with my wife since we were 14. Over the last two years I’ve fallen off the wagon. I’ve been to rehab and tried pills, but I tried to take my life a couple days ago. The love I have for my wife and son saved me, but I don’t know how to say sorry to something like that

Everyday is hard without my wife but Sundays are especially hard because that was always our stay at home day. When we were both working we had Sundays to look forward to because we would usually just stay home, be with each other, catch up on chores, watch TV together and just be together. Now my Sundays are filled with emptiness, loneliness and sadness. I miss her so much, I'd give anything to have her back.

The only motivation for me to live is the belief that I will get to unite with my partner again. However the shock of this loss is making me lose faith in everything and everyone including the faith in afterlife.
What is the point of living after all..what if this is all a lie

This year has been especially difficult. I can't form real connections to people. I wonder if I'm stuck in my grief. I still have a couple of pictures in my apartment of him. And I notice that I'm avoiding mentioning him to friends or I feel like I should be over it... I know we won't ever get over the love of our life or anyone who meant so much to us. I know it and I would tell other people to not hold back. But for me... I feel like I'm stuck.

I'm at a time in my life where I have to accept that I won't have children. And it was never really my plan to have them. But my body is telling me that that's over. Which is fine by me. It just reminds me of the short timeframe that I wanted to have "our" child. A "product" of our love.

I only have memories left of him and they get more blurry and feel more unreal each day. Growing older while he will always stay 26. His second niece was born this year and I'm so grateful to still be part of the family, but at the same time it keeps me stuck in the past, in my grief. It reminds me of all that I've lost.

The title of this post comes from a Billy Joel song called "Piano Man" where he uses this descriptive phrase to talk about an older man, looking back at his life, thinking about the time years back when he was a younger man. Now, at 80 years of age, I sometimes think about when I wore a younger man's clothes.

Lately, I've been thinking of life passing as if we are all on a train heading into the future with some of us getting off at a station when our time on earth is up and others coming onto the train when their journey has just begun. My own station is somewhere down the tracks but I don't know yet at which train station I, and others of my fellow passengers, will disembark.

But back to when I wore a younger man's clothes. I was about half the age I am now when, wanting to become more involved in my home town, I ran for the school board. (P.S., I did not win!) I was at a candidate's night where all the candidates had to answer questions from the audience and this particular question was why we wanted to be elected and serve time on the school board.

I said I had spent my life as a university professor helping students figure out what they wanted to do with their lives and facilitating the beginning of their journey. I then stole a quote from one of my faculty colleagues, Neil Pistman, that our children are our message to a future that we will never see. When I think of my children continuing their life journey after mine has come to an end. I think of that quote. And if my message to the future is a good one, then I guess whatever else I have or have not done in my life is of little consequence and I will be happy.

Im sorry if my language is not appropriate. English is not my native language so I apologize if I use the wrong words and sound rude in any way. It’s not my intention.

I don’t know if I should just leave my loved one’s widow alone or continue to reach out.

A beloved young family member of mine died a couple of years ago. I was very fond of him and his sweet wife and since his passing I have been trying to keep contact with his widow.

I don’t know if she would rather like me to stop contacting her. When I invite her to birthday parties she decline or do not reply. When other family members from her late husbands side of her family invite her to any kind of gathering she almost always decline. I haven’t seen her in over a year. I miss her very much.

I send her a Christmas gift every year. She never responds.

She still follows me on socials and watch all my snapchat photos and Facebook stories, but never likes or replies.

When her husband was alive, me and her had what I would describe as a close bond. She always replied, and we invited and attended each other’s special occasions.

It hurts me that our contact has been broken but I do not blame her at all. I support any choice of her regarding needing space or distance whether it’s temporary or permanent.

But I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave her alone and not contact her or invite her anymore? Would she rather not hear from me? Am I contributing to her grieve and pain or is it nice for her to have some kind of contact even though it’s a one way street on my part?

I know you cannot answer these questions on behalf of her. But maybe some of you could give me some insights in what contact with your in-laws feel like.

Warm thoughts to everyone of you, and I am so sorry of your loss 🕊️

I am consumed with grief. Every cell in my body is telling me to die. If it were not for my son I would have been dead the hour I found out. I cannot even look at my son without seeing her face, dead on the floor.

She was struggling with PPD, I thought we were doing everything right. We had her in therapy and with psychologists since week 1, we finally found a med that was working, she was making great progress slowly but surely. I had family stepping in to help whenever she needed, but she was so reluctant to accept help. She wanted to go take another night off at a hotel to get some sleep, it seemed normal to me, she had done it before because she does not speak to her parents and had nowhere else to go. She overdosed and left me and my son a suicide note, she blamed herself.

I will never forgive myself for missing the signs and for not doing more for her. I thought we turned a corner. I failed her and I failed my son. I will never, ever forgive myself. Her parents abandoned her in her time of need, I blame them as well.

I don't want to cause anyone the pain she caused us, but the pull is too strong. I don't want to wake up on this planet anymore without her. I don't know what to do.

I love you so so so much Kim. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so so sorry. You were the most beautiful soul I ever knew. I am so sorry.

That’s all I have to say.

I just found a video of my husband and it brought me to my knees. Seeing him talking and all that is so precious.

Why didn’t I do that before?

Did anyone else struggle deeply with unanswered prayers? We are always taught that faith, prayer, fasting, and miracles will bring healing, but when your person isn't healed and you're left behind, it shakes everything to its core.

​How did you process that heartbreak and hold onto your faith (or find your way through the anger and confusion)? I could really use some perspective from others who understand.

I'm so sorry you are here. I'm sorry any of us are here 🫂

But I did want to say I'm very grateful for this space. I've been posting here quite a bit since I lost my husband a few weeks ago. The pain has often been unbearable and I've come here when I don't know what else to do, to try and share that pain and lessen it even a little bit. To try and go on, somehow. And I appreciate all the supportive comments, I feel so lost at almost every moment so any kindness is very much appreciated.

I've also been reading all the other posts. Sometimes it's hard. Often I'm so taken aback at everyone else's stories and pain but at the very least I'll send a hug so those posting know you've been seen and heard and someone cares. A lot of times I just don't know what else to offer.

I've been running around a lot lately, somewhat purposefully to stay busy but yesterday and today I decided to try and relax and stay home. Was feeling run down but it's not easy to be here alone of course.

Also my husband was very involved in a 12 step program that had a memorial for him today. Some of his friends had gotten over involved in the funeral services I had arranged. I tried to discuss it with them but they seemed to get very offended at my request for collaboration and communication and so those that offered to support me through this so quickly, that i didn't even know well at all, basically turned their backs on me. When i mentioned the sudden cold shoulder, they made excuses. So when it came to this memorial I was told it was for those in the program. It would have been hard for me to go and hear people talking about him but to feel excluded from something like this really felt very confusing and odd. And upsetting. I wish they never offered to support me in any way if this was going to be the outcome. My husband used to tell me i didn't have to do things alone anymore... my baby... i don't think he would approve of whatever nonsense has been going on lately with his friends. One actually posted a picture of his casket on FB and i had to ask her to take it down. But so be it, I'm happy to never associate with them ever again.

So I'm on the couch, watching a show I've seen many times before (easier than something new right now, i tried). I'm eating, taking care of the cats, trying to be good to myself, missing my sweetheart and and really don't know much else. But again just grateful to have this space to come to and wanted to express that before my next post written through unending tears. Thank you all.

Much love everyone 🫂

When we're young many (most?) of us look forward to hopefully doing something special with our lives. Something that will change the world, even if only in a small way and hopefully for the better. All I ever wanted, and didn't know if I deserved it or would ever achieve it, was to have a loving life partner and a loving family. I got my wish, eventually, and after getting to an age where I thought it would never happen for me. I devoted my life to making my wonderful wife happy as best I could, and I helped to produce a family that I am proud of. I guess in the big picture of life I didn't make a difference, but in the small picture of my life and my family I did.

My uncle attempted suicide today. Fortunately, he was discovered in time and is currently in the ICU. We don’t know the exact reason, but it is highly likely related to his wife, who passed away from cancer four months ago. I’m wondering how we should approach comforting and counseling him. He is 66 years old and in good health, with annual checkups. I don't want to see him develop this tendency. I'd like to ask people who are 60 or 70 years old or older, how can we help him?

The only thing I look forward to is being with them again. I haven't found relief through the years, and I feel no connection to this world anymore. Im 26 and continuing to live without them feels pointless. I dont feel joy here. Theres no meaning to make out of it. If all im looking forward to is being with them in the end whats the point of continuing? I feel like less of a human being every day. I met the love of my life, they died. Now im incapable of connecting to the living. I feel like more of a ghost then them. Their body died but my soul went too. Am I just haunting the living? I feel useless counting down the days until I see them again.

Hey everyone. I screwed up by visiting a park we use to frequent. Fuck. Im sitting at a picnic table sobbing and starting to panic. I have no one to call.

I dont know how the hell i thought I could visit here and enjoy it. The sunshine deceived me. The sadness and yearning for her is killing me. Omg there are so many couples here walking and holding hands and it's just making me implode.

I need to get the hell out of here and head home. What the fuck was I thinking ??? 6 months. Oh my god. I just needed to reach out to those who understand.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Ok. I am going to walk back to my car and drive home. I am not a danger to myself. But I am spiraling. Oh my god I am bawling. Ok. Deep breaths and I will drive home safely. Fuck.

I myself am not a widow but my mother lost my father unexpected in his sleep Friday morning while they were at a hotel, vacationing. My father was fine. I spoke to him hours before. yes he had health choices that were poorly made but we thought we had more time. I’m trying to properly grieve but I’m really so worried about my mother. I am aware that she has to be in their house alone and live in those thoughts but I want to take it all from her. I just for someone who lost their spouse so abrupt and unexpected, I just what can I do to make this feel better. I feel awful. They had tickets to places, retirement plans. I just want to do and be there in the best possible way but now she feels like my brother and I are babysitting her. It isn’t that all. Thank you so much.

I am a few days shy of three months into this new life. I keep thinking that I'm doing a great job staying busy and eating right and taking care of myself because he wanted me to. And then suddenly I'm exhausted and scared and really don't want to bother anymore. Does trying to keep living ever stop being a chore? My best friend says I'm so brave. I'm not. Or at least I don't want to be anymore.

I’m at the lowest point of my life, so much pain, anger and sadness. No one’s showed up for me. The only person that’s ever been there for me, is no longer alive. I buried her 9 months ago. She was the best and most important person I’ve ever had the honor to know and love. I have no one now. I miss her. Love and strength to all of you here.

I've always been a workaholic, even before losing my wife to breast cancer 18 months ago. Work has always been a huge part of my life, and I spent a lot of time away from home because of it.

Since losing her, though, I feel like I've thrown myself into work even more. I don't know if it's because I genuinely love what I do, because I need something to occupy my mind, or because being busy is easier than being alone with my thoughts.

The irony isn't lost on me. When she was alive, I was constantly working, thinking I was building a future for us. Now she's gone, and I'm still doing the same thing, except there's no future with her waiting for me when I get home.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually coping or just keeping myself busy enough that I don't have to feel the full weight of losing her.

I know grief looks different for everyone, but I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this. Were you a workaholic before your loss, and did you find yourself throwing yourself into work even more afterward? Has it helped, or are you just trying to outrun the grief?

It’s so wild to be sitting at work, pricing dog treats at my desk, suddenly raging that my husband is gone forever. My insides are so different from my outsides

Anyone else watch this on Amazon Prime? I thought it was very well made. A lot of her story resonated with me.

I wish I could have a moment like she had with his mother. My husband was found in a hotel room by himself. They knew he strangled me and even paid to fill a hole in her wall he punched 13 years ago when we got into a fight. She blamed me and wrote to me “hiciste mal a mi hijo”.

The movie portrays the emptiness I felt well. The wanting to kill yourself, drinking, guilt. A very good movie.

I have always believed in the afterlife but from my husband has passed, I have had so many signs from him and I dont mean feathers and Robins I mean I have asked for specific signs and I have got them, for example i was having a beer with my friend and i recieved a notification from google photos saying cheers and it had his photo on it, i would love to hear best sign you have recieved

This is my first time being sick without him. And it fucking sucks. It lonely as hell.

We would take care of each other. I miss taking care of him, being there for him. These days used to be filled with cuddles, love and laughter. Now it’s just me crying alone.

I miss his cuddles, and the warmth of his skin. I miss him checking in one me. Making me tea and getting me medicine. Rubbing my back, anything he could do to help me feel better. He would make my favorite comfort food. And tell me to rest. We would watch shows together. He would take care of me. Now I’m alone.
I miss him telling me it’s going to be okay.
I have friends and family that would help and grab me things. But it’s not the same as someone snuggling with you and rubbing your back. Giving you a kiss forehead. Or running you a bath.

My heart hurts so much. All I want is him.
Being sick humble you, and make you realize how vulnerable our body’s are.
Now I have to take care of myself….its a hard transition.

Cancer took my beautiful wife Danielle's life on September 30th of this year, she was only 43. After a year's long battle with two types of chemo, procedures, scans and many doctors visits, her body just couldn't do it anymore. She had a very rare type of pancreatic cancer. Those last days in the ICU were horrific, watching her take her last breath. I don't know if that's something I will ever forget, probably not. Yesterday would've been our 5 year wedding anniversary, we've been together 17 years. No kids because of this evil disease.

Now I got a big hole in my heart that hurts everyday, she was my wife and my best friend. I MISS HER SO MUCH it hurts. I don't know what to do with myself, I've been so focused on being her caregiver and taking care of everything else for what feels like forever that I've lost all interest in almost everything. My house feels so empty now. At least I have our two cats, they help and family has been very helpful. I found a grief support group through hospice that starts in January, there's another group through a local church but I don't feel comfortable going through faith based grief support. I resent God for doing this to my wife and taking her away from me. I'm struggling and looking for any advise.