Hi there. I'm a fairly busy father and husband, and so, I like to meal prep my lunches for work. Yesterday morning we decided to make chicken and dumplings for the week, in the crockpot.

I spent around $40 in ingredients, and spent an additional hour preparing the chicken and cutting up all the vegetables. Once I had everything going I plugged in the crockpot and left it on the counter like I've done a hundred other times.

About 6 hours later I go to start the dumplings, when I noticed that the soup wasn't bubbling like it normally should have been for being on low for 6 hours. I immediately checked the crockpot for heat. Nothing. It's an older crockpot so there are no lights or anything to indicate the crockpot is on.

I looked down at the plug and noticed that it was half plugged in. So at this point there's only one thing left to do, toss it.

I was so pissed. Dinner and my meal prepping lunches have just been wiped. It is now 5pm on a Sunday afternoon. There's no time to go up to the store and quickly put something together.

I then tell my wife about it and she told me she didn't think it would unplugg if she moved it, which she did. I just shook my head and walked away. Headed for the kitchen to figure out how to throw away 8 quarts of soup.

I'm not upset at her for this. In fact, I'm upset at myself for not babysitting the damned crockpot. I should have been checking that damn thing every hour like I usually did.

I'm not specifically upset at her. More like, I'm upset at myself.

The thing though that is making feel blah about it is the fact that my wife isn't one bit apologetic about it and I don't think she cares that she accidentally ruined dinner and 4 days worth of lunch.

Anyways, I needed to get that out and vent. Thanks for reading. Now I'm going to go spend $15 on lunch. Cool beans!

I (35 f) have caught my partner (38m) looking at other women on tiktok multiple times and he acts like 'Oh man, I NEVER have content like this pop up and I NEVER engage with it or go to their page'. Like he's innocent.

Today, he came across a video of a VERY young 20-something sitting in a suggestive way in a chair. He then went to her page and watched 4 MORE videos similar. I mentioned to him how I'm not okay with that, and I hate how tiktok (not an adult specific app) allows this kind of trash. I reminded him how he promised to report or flag as uninterested and not engage because it is disrespectful to our relationship otherwise.

He acted like 'Oh I absolutely didn't go to their page and made sure to do the 'not interested' and stuff.'

Lies. Lies. Lies. BRO stop fucking lying and hold yourself accountable to your lack of self control on this. It's sickening and disrespectful.

I(21, male) know it sounds rather braggish but it really is depressing to me. I somehow did this before being able to go on a single date with a girl or even have a female friend. It feels like a punishment someone thought would be funny. I start in February but I just feel like I'm a failure

Seriously

I just saw the newest controversy with the new castlevania game and its just a mess

And its mostly from a 9 lettered word group that starts with a p who want their version of sexy characters

Can we please stop being weird about video games and complain about legit problems instead of making them all about attractiveness

Yeah because thats whats wrong with modern games games today. Not the greedy triple A companies that put a crap ton of microtransactions. Or triple A companies just making just okay games. No no no, attractiveness of female characters is the main issue with modern games /s

BTW i find Carmilla to be very attractive for a game character.

Confessing….. I slept with more than 20 men. A lot of it was because I was very insecure and thought that was the only one someone could like me. Two were SA that started out consensual. One was with a friend and deeply regretted it after. Ruined our friendship. The others were guys who well… I just wanted to hook up with. But idk how to feel about it. I have no thoughts tbh on my past encounters. But each person I had sex with it’s like a piece of me goes to them. Leaving me feeling even more empty than before….

So I’ve (25f) been talking to this guy (25m) for years, we are friends it’s all fine we don’t hang out much it’s always awkward when we do. Anyways 3 years ago I was such a differnt person and had slept together a few times because I was hyper sexual. I also have bpd which is part of it. Anyways coming back to present I’ve been completely ovwrhwmled with stress and my mental health took a bad turn. And bpd and stress or whatever. And it’s had been 2 years since eid been with anyways I felt like my stress and depression and my axnitey was pooling into sexual frustration and one thing led to another and me and him were sexting. And then my mind was like yeah I wanna have sex with him and so I stupidly invited him over even tho I knew in my head I shouldn’t I’ll regret it. Whatever he comes over we did it. It was terrible. I’ve never been attracted to him his voice during sex turns me off so bad. I have such a messed up relation ship with sex I know there’s more than just him at play but yeah. It sucked.

Now when we talk I feel annoyed and I mean he annoyed me before but now it’s like anytime I think back on Monday when we did it I cringe so badly and feel like so mad at myself. I feel so guilty. I know I’m a shit person for this. That night it sent me into a really bad place. Like worst place been in for years and I did another stupid thing I hadn’t done it years. I told him I never wanna do it again. But yeah he’s just now saying soemthing feels off between us and it’s like well idk what to tell you? It’s not like I’m going to tell him anytime I think of that day I cringe and whatever idk . Just wanted to rant about it I’m so depressed school sucks so bad. I hate that I made that choice.

Edit - My BPD is not an excuse for my behaviour. But it’s part of why I did what I did, it was an impulsive and stress response. I never said what I did was okay. But me and this guy don’t have any feelings for each other he’s knew it was just sex when it happened I still apologized after and told him I can’t do it again. This post is a VENT. I wanted to talk about my feelings because I feel like shit about it I feel guilty. I’ve been doing shit I thought this was a place I could vent.

Not sure if it’s really rape or not. But this all came up bc a guy recently spanked me at a party and I got triggered

But long story short, when I was freshly in college I’d made a friend with a guy I had a crush on and wanted to have sex with him. He was my second sexual encounter ever and I was very new; I grew up quite sheltered. Well he assaulted me by “accidentally” penetrating my anus three times, twice with his fingers and finally with his genitalia (about a quarter way in) which stopped when I yelled. He told me later there was feces on the condom and made fun of me saying “it went in a little too easily” as if he didn’t shove it in. We were in the bathroom brightly lit and I watched him in the mirror and I remember my bottom was spread for a bit, not sure if it happened when spread or after.

He gaslit me about everything but after 8 months I realized the truth. I’d gone into severe denial prior especially since we were friends and had a class together and mutual friends I couldn’t wrap my head around it. He turned quite aggressive during sexual contexts which I picked up on but didn’t put the pieces together until the third time we hooked up because he pressured me to give him head even though I was telling him no and I just gave up because he was mad, like I was yelling at him and he just kept demanding me and I didn’t understand why he wasn’t listening to me and it was the grossest thing ever. The violated feeling I had after made me realize the first time and I understood that he was truly not a good person now.

When I finally told my family, they felt sorry for me but also told me I shouldn’t have trusted him so fast and then it wouldn’t have happened had I introduced him to them (which is so stupid like why would I do that in any universe). My father was insisting how he could’ve intimidated him so he wouldn’t have done it and it made me so mad. Like his beliefs are based in no reality.

My sibling said it’s not really rape or sa and seemed skeptical because it took me months to come to accept it and everyone questioned me on how I didn’t understand what happened immediately and leave or call someone. I was confused and giving him the benefit of the doubt I had no experience and didn’t want this to be a bad one, and I am also neurodivergent so I tried to show empathy for someone who made a “mistake”. In hindsight it clearly wasn’t a mistake.

My family also tells me to cover up a lot because I’m sending a message by wearing crop tops. I just feel like I get blamed. I don’t want what happened to me to define me, I am scared of males and every time my family says I’m sending a message it reaffirms my fears. I feel angry.

I don’t know what type of sa it was but whatever it was made me traumatized. I am in therapy for it. I just feel so many things. I wish my family understood that it’s not my fault. He shouldn’t have done it.

I've been told that since I was 14, never got better, now I'm 17 and yeah that's only 3 years but it's gotten tremendously WORSE despite how hard I've tried to change. I still hate myself, I still absolutely loathe how I look, and everyone around me hates me too.

I don't get it, why mindlessly lie to people about this? It's false hope, especially when your issues are things you're stuck with for life. Medical issues, physical flaws(which mine I literally can't change, even just "improving" them a little would cost a lot), mental disorders, etc.

And I get it, be positive right? But it's such a useless thing to say to someone when their situation isn't fixable. It is quite literally lying to make them feel better temporarily.

Good for you that you're not hopeless and miserable constantly, not all of us get that.

Edit- I think some of you are missing my point, when you have issues that legitimately just CAN'T go away that make you miserable, I truly believe that nothing can get better. No matter what I do I'll be stuck like this, even if I "try to be more positive" or do something that "makes me happy" in the back of my mind I'll always be thinking about the life I could've had if I was anyone else. You just don't understand.

Honestly i don't care that this pisses anybody off but WHY do the worst fucking people have kids dude. Why why why why why. Why did nobody think about my fucking future, this shit is not fucking fair dude. I have never met my birth dad, my birth mom was 17 and did heroin so my grandparents adopted me and at the age of ten my birth mom killed herself after having four more kids with different dads. I love my adoptive parents and they raised me and did so well but I'm just upset.

Why didn't they make her get an abortion? My life is hell, nobody ever thought about me. Nobody thought about how I would feel about this in the fucking future. I don't even know why she didn't think about me before she killed herself, or when she had me. Did my adoptive parents think of my future when they didn't tell her to get an abortion. Whenever I see my friends who are normal, no issues, they have their parents I get so jealous I wanna hurt someone.

It's not fair at all, I never even had a chance at all. I know I should be positive but it's so hard ESPECIALLY when you know your problems came from both parents. I heavily suspect my birth dad was autistic, because I have another autistic brother I never met. He's lvl 3 and non speaking and I'm lvl 1 so high functioning so it could be worse. Not only that but I have ADHD, anxiety and deppression since I was 9. I am professionally diagnosed and have been in therapy since I was 9. So I'm just fucked all over.

Not only that but my parents are older too, and I'm only 19 so they'll probably die when I am younger and than I'll have no parents at all. Im so jealous of people who had normal families, people who planned and thought about you. And even when my birth mom did live with us she was so messy and did drugs and even took me with her to buy drugs?? Like I guess it's good she didn't leave me alone at home but like you seriously couldn't wait. Anyways I'm sorry about all of this I'm just so alone.

Tldr; I hate that anybody can have kids and fuck up their kids lives.

I’m a closeted femboy and I wanna dress in typical femboy attire for Halloween and go trick-or-treating, but my parents are not going to be happy if I dress like I want to. They are pretty religious and anything outside of traditional gender norms is looked down upon heavily. I already came out to them and they were very disappointed in me, so I try my best to hide it from them. I’m so tired of hiding my true self but I have no way of showing them or I’ll be ostracized.

Same as the title. Idk why I feel this way but I just can't imagine myself after about 33-34. I have a fairly strong feeling that I'II go to death before death comes to take me. I'm not su*cidal or depressed or anything right now. Can't say the same about my past, but l've never been formally diagnosed with anxiety, depression or anything like that (probably cause I've never really been to a therapist; I do suspect I might have been su*cidal/depressive sometime in the past but not anymore, I think)

I told myself.

But alas. She's in morning prek and I swear to fuck I find myself either doing chores, laundry, or fixing something that broke. It's always something and then I run out of time to do my actual work (I'm trying to get some art stuff set up online because I art. No, I won't be sharing my Insta because I wanna keep this account separate from my main). Or even fit a 20 min work out in.

I could work on stuff when my kid is home yes but it's hard to focus and I get like nothing done.

(Oh and before anyone comes in and bitches to me about how privileged I am to be able to stay home with my kid...I work weekends so I'm not like some spoiled brat bitching on the internet. We budget like fuck and it'd be out of our budget to put her in after school care/daycare. Plus with my husband's crazy schedule -scheduling around him is impossible. Like trust me, I tried.)

Like I just spent an hour troubleshooting my fucking toilet. And last time it was laundry and cleaning the house. And the time before that it was yardwork, and the time before that was deep cleaning the carpet because it was getting grody from all the spills.....

There's always something that needs to get done.

And like there are certain chores I have to do while she's at school, like the carpet cleaning, because she'll be all over me while working on it/it's just easier. So it's not like I'm trying to squeeze so much into a small amount of time. It's just that yes, there are certain things I can do while working around her and others where no, it's easier to do when she's out of the house.

I just -insert gif of someone slamming her head against the wall

Idk I guess I expected too much from too little considering she's only there for 3 hours.

Guess I'm gonna have to wait another year, when she's in school full time, to find myself again T.T

My mom was a drug addict. She was also pretty abusive as a kid. She got better, eventually. I dont think she was a bad person, more so that she was deeply flawed and surviving trauma of her own. She was let down by a lot of people in her life. As a kid, I didnt really understand this. Or, well, maybe I did. Even a bit before my mom died, I think I understood. I was just angry. I loved her, but also, a part of me sort of hated her.

She died when I was 17, freshly. I think it was in November but I've been told it was in October. I never tracked the date, I try to avoid thinking about it. It's hard to get sad about a date that I don't even know. Im 20 now. I have a boyfriend and he's pretty nice, I love him a lot.

I dont talk about my mom often, its an uncomfortable topic. I joke about it a lot, admittingly. Everyone loves a good dead mom joke, but actually talking about her feels uncomfortable, not necessarily for me, but for others. I havent spoken about her enough to form an opinion of speaking about her.

My boyfriend knows my mom is dead, has a general concept of her death. I always joke that I thought I was the one who killed my mom, because she ate my terrible cooking the day she died. It gave me a stomach ache so I went to lay down and when I woke up, boom! Dead. It makes people laugh, when I say with full conviction I killed my mom with my terrible cooking.

Thats about as much as he knew. I can't really remember what triggered it. I was visiting my boyfriend, we were cuddling. I think it was just a hard day. It's been 3 years and yet some days all I think about is my mom. I think about her a lot when I feel lost. She always had the answer for everything, always knew everything. Sometimes, I wish I could ask her what to do. That's a tangent though.

Anyways, I started speaking about her. It was kinda light hearted at first, but he actually was listening and I just ended up spilling my guts. I told him everything. I told him about finding her, about how I could've seen her body before she was cremated but I didn't, because I was scared, and how I regret it so much. I told him about the fight we had a month prior, and how I made her cry. I told him about her mom wishing she'd die, and then crying to everyone we knew about how badly she missed her daughter. I told him about the dream I had the night she died, where I begged her not to leave. I told him how she faced my door when I found her, in her room across the hall, and how I wondered if she was coming to ask for help but I couldnt hear or do anything. I told him how I felt like I had to protect her, that I was the only person on Earth who could protect my mom, and I failed when she needed me. I told him about how I saved her during a previous OD. It was a lot. I dont think I've ever told anyone that much about the ordeal, let alone in that much detail.

I started crying, which is so odd. Sometimes I feel so detached from it, and other times I cry so hard I can barely breathe. I had gotten used to talking about my mom's death with therapists, though it was never that detailed. I kinda thought I was numb enough to the point speaking about it didnt make me cry anymore. He also started crying. I suppose it was pretty sad, but he was crying almost as hard as me, if not harder.

This is going to sound weird, but it felt really good. My family never cried when my mom died. Honestly, nobody did. I think I was the only person who felt upset by the ordeal. I cried for the entire day, but it seemed like after that, everyone was pretty sick of it, so I just stopped. I stopped myself from crying, from thinking about it, etc. I've been thinking about it a lot more recently, honestly, but thats also not important.

It felt good to see someone else cry over her, much like myself. I felt validated. I think if I wasn't crying so hard at the time, I might have maybe smiled at it, which feels so strange and wrong to say, I dont know why it made me feel so giddy inside, and to this moment I think about that with dread.

When I think about it, I just dont understand. It makes sense for me to be sad, I knew my mom, I grew up with her. At the end of the day, she gave birth to me, and while my time with her was short, and even when she was alive we weren't always often together, she was my mom. But nobody else who knew her cried, so I had just assumed it was a situation that was sad for me, and me alone.

Seeing my boyfriend cry, someone who hadn't even met her, harder than anyone who knew her felt so weird and strange to me. I still can't wrap my head around it. I dont think my boyfriend cries easily, nor necessarily a lot. I dont think I've ever seen him cry over something tragic. I just feel lost thinking about it, even if the actual action its self felt good, I dont understand it and it confuses me, and makes me feel weird inside.

EDIT: Since a few people seem to think I'm taking this frustration out on my sister, let me clarify: I don't mock her, control what she wears, or make her feel bad about her costume. I actually help her put it together every year, and I make sure she's safe while trick-or-treating.

I'm venting here because I don't understand the pattern, not because I'm trying to stop her from enjoying Halloween. I can find something baffling without treating someone badly over it. She's free to wear whatever she wants. I just genuinely don't understand the appeal, and apparently that's being interpreted as a personal attack on her joy.

Before you read this entire fucking thesis, please keep one question in mind: WHERE IS THE FUN IN WHAT SHE'S DOING?

I need to vent about something that probably sounds stupid and like I'm being overdramatic, but it genuinely drives me fucking insane.

1. The crime

My sister turns 15 this December, and for the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW, she's chosen a Halloween costume based on a character she knows absolutely nothing about.

Two years ago, she dressed up as Emily from the Corpse Bride. Had she watched the movie? No. Did she even know the character's name? Apparently not. I asked her, “So, do you know how Emily died?” and she went, “Who?”

WHO???? THE WOMAN YOU ARE CURRENTLY DRESSED AS?????

Last year, she dressed up as some video game character despite not playing video games or knowing anything about the character.

And this year? Clawdeen from Monster High with her friends. Has she watched the movies? No. Does she know anything about the character? Also no. So I asked her, “Okay, what's Clawdeen's brother's name?” And she went, “She has a brother?”

I'M SORRY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING HERE?

THREE YEARS. THREE CHARACTERS. THREE YEARS OF COSPLAYING AS A WALKING WIKIPEDIA PAGE WITH ALL THE INFORMATION DELETED.

WHERE IS THE FUN IN THIS? WHAT ARE YOU ENJOYING WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEYOND THE CLOTHES AND WHATEVER APPEARED ON YOUR TIKTOK FOR YOU PAGE THAT WEEK?

2. The Evil Dead case study and my proposed solution

Before anyone assumes I'm against people getting into things they're unfamiliar with, let me introduce some evidence to the contrary.

My sister's friends persuaded her to watch Evil Dead Burn at the cinema. Now, Sam Raimi, Evil Dead, and the entire franchise are incredibly important to me, so naturally I was like, ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU CANNOT JUST WALK INTO THIS CINEMATIC UNIVERSE WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGING ITS ANCESTORS.

She loved the movie and eventually agreed to watch all the previous films with me. I then proceeded to yap about every movie, characters, actors, directors, behind-the-scenes details and games for approximately 700 years.

She actually enjoyed it and developed a little obsession of her own, even if hers eventually passed.

And THAT'S why I suggested Ash Williams as a Halloween costume. We watched the movies together. She liked them. It was a character connected to something we'd shared.

But apparently, “I can't do a boy costume” was enough to disqualify him.

So she'd rather dress up as Clawdeen, a character she apparently doesn't even know has a brother, than dress up as someone she actually watched and enjoyed because he's male.

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

Because apparently group costumes take priority and fun is irrelevant.

3. Why does this bother me so much

For me, the fun of dressing up as a character is getting to embody someone I love for a night. It's a way to express something I genuinely care about.

Honestly, I'd respect someone with the shittiest, least accurate costume imaginable if they were genuinely the biggest fan of that character. You could show up with a cardboard sword, a bedsheet and a dream, and I'd respect you more than someone wearing a flawless costume of a character they couldn't identify without checking TikTok.

The connection matters more to me than the execution.

And I'm absolutely fine with beginners. If someone discovers a character and wants to learn more, I'd probably be thrilled to tell them everything I know. There's a difference between being new to something and having no interest in learning about it.

That's what I mean when I talk about poser behaviour. I don't expect people to know every album or obscure piece of lore. Listen to whatever you want. Just don't pretend to love something you know nothing about because you want the image that comes with it.

A character is more than their appearance. A scar, a hairstyle, a necklace or a pair of Converse might have a story behind it. Even the aesthetic people are attracted to can have meaning beyond looking cool.

That's what I love about cinema. There's so much to discover beyond what's on the screen: the characters, the directing, the performances, the production and the history behind the work.

Reducing a character to an outfit feels like throwing away everything that makes them interesting and keeping the packaging.

I'm not saying my way of enjoying things is objectively better. I'm saying I could never approach something I love that superficially, and I struggle to understand the appeal.

I don't mind that my sister likes Clawdeen's appearance. It's the lack of curiosity that bothers me. And when I try to suggest she choose someone she actually likes, she tells me to shut up. I'm trying to show her an alternative, not confiscate her wig and ban her from Halloween.

4. My own Halloween experience

Maybe part of why this gets under my skin is that I never really got the Halloween experience I wanted.

I didn't have childhood friends to go trick-or-treating with. When I was around 17, a friend invited me to a Halloween sleepover (I've never been to a sleepover before) , but my mother refused because it was her Birthday and we have a National holiday the next day and told me I could go the following week.

Because apparently Halloween is a subscription service that lets you reschedule your booking.

The opportunity never happened again.

I'd love to put together a proper costume of a character I adore and go somewhere with people who are equally excited about Halloween. I want to put effort into a costume because the character means something to me and share that enthusiasm with other people.

I'm not angry that my sister gets to participate when I missed out. I just wish she'd use the opportunity in a way that feels personally meaningful to her, rather than choosing something because her friends are doing it or because it's popular online.

To me, the point is to become someone you love for a night. I can't imagine having that opportunity and not caring who I'm supposed to be.

5. So, WHERE IS THE FUN?

I know people enjoy Halloween differently. Some love crafting, some want to look cool, and others just want matching costumes with their friends. I understand that.

But I still don't understand the appeal of dressing up as a character you know absolutely nothing about and have no interest in learning about.

Is it purely the aesthetic? Is it the attention? Is it having a matching costume with your friends? Is it knowing people will recognize the look?

I'm genuinely asking because I want to understand, not because I expect everyone to approach fictional characters the way I do.

Maybe I'm a gatekeeper. Call me whatever. But I don't think wanting people to show some curiosity about the things they choose to represent is unreasonable.

I don't need you to know everything. I just want to understand why you wouldn't WANT to know anything.

WHERE IS THE FUN IN WHAT SHE'S DOING? PLEASE, SOMEBODY SHOW ME THE FUN.

So my family (55f, 55m, n 20m) and I (23f) kinda adopted this guy (18m) I work with and tbh, I love it bc he's now loved by a family. No, we're not a perfect family. I don't think anyone has one and tbh, we're all working through some serious stuff. However, tho, we're getting to heal together and get better together. It makes me feel so proud and happy for him because my dad isn't exactly the most emotional kinda guy, but the fatherly pride he has for this dude. The motherly pride my mom has for him and the sisterly pride I have for him just… ahhhh! I love having something healthy with someone. Having a healthy family love that I've craved for so long! It's amazing!

I (35 NB) and my wife (31 F) live with Soup (32 F). Unfortunately my wife has a disability that prevents her from working, so she does the majority of the housework.

I pay half the bills as we have half the house. The house is in Soup's name, she owns it, and she is a terrible person to be around.

Soup doesn't take care of her dog, Parm, only letting her outside to pee/poop. She doesn't walk her, play with her, or train her. Any time we bring it up, Soup changes for maybe a couple days before she goes back to ignoring her dog--unless she is literally grabbing her dog by the leg to drag her into "cuddles." Even when Parm doesn't want to. Especially when Parm doesn't want to.

Soup is clingy and demands to know where we are at all hours. She makes demands that we have meals with her (which my wife must cook), and she cries for days on end when we go see other friends. Once she cornered my wife and screamed at her, making my wife say one of our friends was fictional. It was so fucking weird.

Soup blames everything wrong on other people. The other day, my wife was crying downstairs (where we live) and Soup said it was "why she couldn't do laundry on her day." The laundry room goes through our room, but if she'd had just said something, wife would have just let her go in.

Soup gets upset when we have dates because we "spend all night together without her." So I've started accusing her of wanting to watch us fuck, which makes her cry.

Soup only brushes her teeth once a day (at night) with bubblegum toothpaste, so her mouth always smells like ass. She doesn't brush her tongue and called me OCD for brushing mine.

She can't maintain friendships, let alone a romantic relationship. I asked her if she was aroace and she got pissed off at me, likely because she wants romance but sucks to be around.

I have a lot more to say, but thanks for letting me vent.

Edit: fixed a typo where I call her Dumb instead of Soup

Also adding, I only started biting back after she told me I was being selfish by spending time with my Wife and not her.

I can’t believe anyone would be so selfish. She dmed me to “ apologize “ so SHE could heal. She specified that in her message . I don’t know what I did to deserve this. She already ruined me in every way I can think of. She already made me feel like I was subhuman . My whole week is ruined .

Other peoples sexual intrest in me (25F) seems to always end as soon as things actually start becoming real.

Yes, i am still a virgin and yes, i am extremly sexually frustrated.

But what really rubs it in is that there are plenty people that are sexually intrested in me all around me, but as soon as one of them actually gets close they lose any intrest they had before and i just dont know why.

Im really starting to feel awful about this and its ruining my relationship with my own sexuality and romance at this point.

People will flirt with me, sext with me, go on dates with me, make out with me for hours on end, blatantly say to my face that they want to fuck me.

But if i respond to any of that by beeing sexually available myself they lose intrest.

I dont even know if there is something that i am very obviously doing wrong.

I have dated multiple people before, yet noone has even seen my bare breast before. I have always broken things off after about one year of feeling undesirable and unwanted.

It has gotten to a point where my own sexuality has stopped beeing something that makes me feel good and excited, but intead beeing horny now often just makes me want to cry.

When someone starts showing sexual intrest in me it feels like all that is happening is that i am beeing tricked into getting my hopes up again.

And i know these feelings are not really helpful at all, but a lot of the time i just cant ignore them anymore.

I havent even touched myself in forever, because that has also started to make me feel horrible.

I just want to finally find someone whos sexual desire for me is actually real.

Tl;Dr:

I have plenty people communicate clear and direct sexual intrest in me all around me, but as soon as i reciprocate they lose intrest. This dynamic is ruining my relationship with sexuality, romance, flirting and dating.

ive never told anyone about the cheating part bc i feel guilty as fuck.

two years ago my ex boyfriend SA'd me. ive told some people about it because i was never really sure it was sexual assault or not. we were simply laying down, he asked me if i wanted to have sex, i said no and even after he kept insisting and i kept saying no, he fucked me anyways. i felt like shit for a few weeks until i completely forgot about that evening. 6 months after, i read a book that mentions SA and the next morning my friend is telling me i was sexually assaulted after i told her what i had just remembered about.

two months after i was SA'd i went on vacation with my guy best friend. i know, sounds bad and i did fuck up in the end, but at that time he vividly believed he was gay and just found boobs pretty. we've been friends for 11 years and my ex bf trusted him. however, that day me and my ex bf were fighting, im not sure why. it was a dumb thing, a misunderstanding. he compared me to one of his girl friends and i got mad. so my bsf was there and i wanted to forget about my bf for a bit and feel wanted.

we were watching a series together, like we always did but my hand ended up resting on his thigh. i dont quite remember how this happened, but at some point my hand was under his pants and i was playing with his dick. i didn't feel anything for him, i just thought it was fun to play with, idk. anyways, he cums, yada yada yada, and the next day the same happens. we get naked, he makes me cum, but we never kiss, fuck or have oral sex. i guess at the time i thought only touching each other wasnt actually cheating. kissing and having sex felt much more intimate.

i eventually broke up with my ex bf and my bsf and i are still very close, sometimes we mention that summer but its always really awkward. i feel guilty about it but my friend says he deserved it.

i just wanted to tell this to someone

I feel like I’m drifting through life, a shell of who I once was.

All of my childhood was spent waiting to go to college so I could finally escape my house. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make my parents understand they were harming me. No amount of crying or screaming could make me get through to them.

I finally got the chance to move to college and I thought that would make things better. I thought putting space between them and I would make things better for me. It didn’t.

I met my partner in college and they made me feel seen. I felt validated when I talked about the things that happened to me growing up. I remembered how to stand up for myself against them. All it got me was kicked out of the house, my brother hating me, my grandma saying she wanted nothing to do with me unless I broke up with the one person I feel happiness around, and my dad saying he doesn’t want to be a part of my future.

I haven’t felt happiness in so long. I mean real happiness, not the kind that only exists for a short time. I have no passion for anything anymore. I wake up and go to sleep and forget everything that happened in the day between.

My dreams of doing anything with my life have been gone for a long time now. I don’t know what can fix whatever is broken inside of me. I know the answer isn’t with my family. But I can’t stand everyone I know having a good relationship with theirs. I have always envied how other parents had the basic ability to listen to what their children were telling them, and realizing that it’s okay to make mistakes as a parent as long as you can be honest about them and be willing to listen to the impact they had on your child.

I feel deprived of knowing what a healthy relationship is. I hate that I second-guess the decisions I made for the sake of my own mental health. I miss feeling like a regular kid. I can’t even remember most of my childhood anymore because I spent so much of it alone.

I’m two years away from the real world and I haven’t figured out how to be happy. Therapy hasn’t helped and medication only stops the thoughts for a little while. But they always come back. I don’t want to be tormented by my mind anymore. I want to feel like I have a purpose. I want to have ambitions again. I don’t want to keep floating from day to day. I want to remember the good times again. I want the constant feeling of sadness gone. I just want to be happy without it being taken away every time. Why is that too much to ask? Why is life against me?

It doesn’t help that me and my boyfriend are long distance. I don’t get if this is all in my head or if it’s true but I’m terrified of the mere idea of spending time with people that don’t actually care about me, and that I’ll always feel alone no matter where I go, it drives me crazy, I’m always scared that people are hanging out without me and that they’re better off that way. I wish I could say this is temporary but I’ve felt like this for YEARS. What do I even do??

I love him so much, it's so painful. I want to live the rest of my life with him in my arms. I want to be the one that protects him, the one who cares for him. But it eats me, that he's so far. I don't care if it's wrong, I don't care if I'm judged or cut off. I know I'm still young, but he just brings out so much from me. I wish he knew what I'd do just to be next to his warmth. Sadly, it'll never happen. No matter how hard I try or how lucky I get, we'll never be together.

i’m fifteen years old. almost fifteen and a half. it’s really odd to think about. i’ve always imagined myself as staying a kid forever or dying somehow before i’m sixteen, but i don’t do anything that’d kill me. also i love my cat a lot and she’d be lonely without me

my gpa is 2.0. i think it’s 1.8 including my grades right now. i’m very lazy and irresponsible. i never do work, i skip or sleep in class, i’m late to school everyday. it’s been this way since covidish, and i’m realizing it’s not really sustainable

i’ve always been stuck in a fantasy of myself. typically of how i’ll be soon, but i never end up that way. they’re also really useless goals. like, right now, my idea of myself in one year is a cute girl with super long hair who dresses cutesy and does her makeup everyday and is internet famous. (for reference, i have short hair, dress in androgynous baggy comfy clothes everyday, and sleep in too late for makeup.) nothing actually worthwhile like a job or good grades. i don’t really care about that, i just wanna be cute and the idealized vision of myself!

but i’m taking a mandatory class where we learn about careers and jobs etc. which makes me realize how little i do and have done. i don’t go outside aside from heading to school and back. i don’t really talk to anyone. i don’t do chores. never had a job. the biggest thing i’ve ever done was a forensic camp i went to this summer.

everyone around me has done so much, gets good grades, and knows what they’ll be doing in five years: usually uni or trade school. really, i haven’t thought that far ahead. i really don’t think there’s much for me in life. i’m not very intelligent, or attractive, or motivated. i’m also agoraphobic and have social anxiety so bad that it’s the reason why i keep failing english despite being okay at it, just because english teachers wanna be creative and make me talk to people.

as a kid i was super ambitious. it was either doctor or lawyer, nothing less. but covid hit and then i gave up on school and got invested in social media, particularly the yucky side, like twitter and imageboards. i’m prolly gonna end up living in my dad’s basement. i don’t really do anything or have hobbies anymore, and i don’t do work. i just sit around and fantasize all day while reading lolcow threads.

i dunno what else to say. i’m pretty pathetic. i’m also around the age where it’s just a matter of time before the schizoaffective gene hits, huh? maybe i’ll do something crazi once it gets to me and then get locked up in a psych ward forever but i’m so polite and cute that they let me have my cat in there too!!!

jokes aside i’m terrified of getting older. i still feel twelve. i’d like to go back and be a kid forever. the idea of me being an adult is really gross

I’m a college freshman studying software engineering and so far it’s going fucking horrible. I’ve had one test so far and I bombed it like crazy but that’s not why I feel like this. Going into college I already knew I wasn’t gonna be the smartest person there or get the best grades but oh my god I can’t learn for shit… I understand the concepts but when it comes to practice I can’t understand what the exercises ask of me and I can’t follow its logic and I just get so angry and frustrated that I just sit and waste an entire period and it feels like the profs and tas can’t explain for shit dude, it feels like they just throw you to the wolfs. I get that in an engineering college you’re supposed to have your problem solving and common sense developed and supposed to do it yourself but dude this INTRO TO PROGRAMMING, I DONT KNOW THIS BECAUSE IVE NEVER SEEN IT HOW TF DO YOU EXPECT TO FOLLOW THE LOGIC IF I CANT UNDERSTAND IT??? And the more this happens the worse I feel and I just get even more burnt out and don’t even want to learn or study.

And it’s not just that, i genuinely just feel like I can’t learn because I’m stuck on my phone all the time doomscrolling wasting time instead of studying for the things I NEED to do. And the worst part is I know have to do it but I keep sabotaging myself and don’t do it. I think because of the fact I never developed a sense of urgency because literally all my fucking homework was done by one of my parents and they basically just taught me to memorize and forget instead of actually learning, I can’t learn or study dude. I’m just surviving the days hoping a miracle will come to save me when nothing ever will. And I don’t even have anybody to talk to about this irl because nobody can understand it. I genuinely live such a lie that I can’t keep up with it anymore and it’s genuinely tiring. It feels that all I’m good for is to play video games and rot in bed. It’s a miracle I’ve made it this far.

I feel like my life is hell right now.

I’m not ready to start college, and my parents expect me to start in January.

I already missed the fall semester and now I don’t want to go at all to the spring semester. I’m just not ready. I feel too stupid for college. I just feel a lot of things right now.

I, unfortunately, have nobody to talk to. Everything I say is useless. Just useless.

I have no therapist, I probably don’t have the time to see one because of work, and I can’t schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist.

My first appointment with my psychiatrist, she said everything seemed fine to her (it’s a whole story), and that I’m mildly to severely depressed but not enough to warrant a diagnosis, but she’d put it in my chart as a “just in case” thing, and said I don’t need to see her anymore, yet she told me main doctor that I’m still seeing her(??) I don’t fucking know.

My parents are going to fucking freak when they hear or find out about how I don’t want to start college just yet. I don’t even want to go at all. I’m too stupid for it. I’ll just be a waste of space going. A waste of money, time, and recourses.

I don’t have friends. Only a few but I don’t bother them with my pointless vents.

I feel nothing but my lungs being crushed by this invisible heavy weight.

I just need somebody to sweep me off of my feet, and save me. Just save me. Take care of me and pick up the broken pieces that I can’t repair.