Edit adding paragraphs

I am so pissed off and disappointed that I genuinely don’t even know what to do with these feelings anymore. Last Wednesday morning, after some mild cramps and light bleeding, I bought a pregnancy test during my lunch break. I called my husband to tell him I was pregnant and believed I was having a miscarriage. I was crying because I had no idea what was happening to my body. I kept him updated throughout everything. I told him when I left work, when I got into the car with my mom, when I arrived at the ER, when they sent me for an ultrasound, and when they discovered fluid and suspected an ectopic pregnancy with internal bleeding. Before this, he mentioned how busy work was because it was month-end, but if I needed him, he would come. I was considerate of that. I told him to continue working until I knew how serious things were. Then the doctor came back and told me I was bleeding internally and needed emergency surgery immediately. The operating room was being prepared, the surgical team was getting ready, and I was about to sign consent forms. I texted my husband and told him to come. NOW. And he came.

He sat with me while they prepared everything, but then decided he needed to go home and finish working, despite his boss having already told him to take the remainder of the day and the following day off. His plan was to go home, log on to work, and wait for my mother to call him when I was out of surgery….

Why is my mother responsible for notifying my husband that his wife has come out of emergency surgery? Why wasn’t he already there waiting? I was being rushed into an operating room less than three hours after arriving at the ER because I was bleeding internally. How much more serious did the situation need to be? I wasn’t panicking. I wasn’t hysterical. I trusted the doctors and I knew I was going to be okay. But my calmness had absolutely nothing to do with the severity of my condition.

My fallopian tube had ruptured, I was hemorrhaging internally, I needed a blood transfusion, and I nearly went into shock. I could have died. And while I was unconscious on an operating table, my husband was at home working because, according to him, there was nothing he could have done by sitting around at the hospital. He wasn’t the surgeon. He couldn’t control the outcome. He sees absolutely no difference between waiting at home and waiting at the hospital.

I cannot believe I am even having to explain why that reasoning is so fucking ridiculous to me. Nobody expected him to perform surgery. Nobody expected him to save my life. I expected my husband to stay at the fucking hospital while his wife underwent emergency surgery. That’s it. And every time I bring it up, he starts listing everything he did do. He offered to pick me up from work. He came when I asked him to. He returned when my mother called. And apparently, my disappointment about him leaving somehow undermines all those things.

I have never denied that he did those things. I have never said he wasn’t there at all. I am talking about one particular decision, and he keeps using everything else he did to justify it. My mother and cousin were the first familiar faces I saw when I came out of surgery. And boy do I dislike my cousin… but it was so nice to see her. I am grateful they were there, but my husband should have been there too. I shouldn’t have had to wonder why he wasn’t waiting for me. I shouldn’t have had to explain why I expected him to stay.

And what has made this entire situation so much worse is his attitude afterward. He insists he did everything he was supposed to do. He refuses to reflect on his decision because he believes he did absolutely nothing wrong. He even said that in any situation, he would not sit around waiting at a hospital.

Then last night he told me that there is no situation where he would completely drop work to tend to anyone, with the only exception being a child. (Thank goodness there are no children in the picture) I am genuinely struggling to comprehend that statement coming from a married man.

So your wife being rushed into emergency surgery because she’s bleeding internally doesn’t warrant putting work aside? Your wife potentially dying on an operating table doesn’t warrant your undivided attention? What exactly does marriage mean to you then? I kept asking him thissame question: If this situation wasn’t serious enough for you to drop everything, what would be? And somehow, his solution to this entire argument is that I should have simply asked him to stay. Apparently, all I needed to do was say those words and the argument would have been over. Absolutely fucking not.

I refuse to ask a grown man who is married to me to remain at the hospital while I undergo emergency surgery. I refuse to accept that this was some communication failure on my part. This wasn’t a routine doctor’s appointment. This wasn’t a minor inconvenience. This was a medical emergency serious enough for an entire surgical team to be assembled within hours. I had already told him to come immediately. Why the hell should I then have to explain that he should remain there until I was out of surgery? I don’t expect my husband to read my mind, but I do expect him to exercise some basic judgment and consideration when his wife is in a life threatening situation!!!!! And I’m not going to pretend that asking him to stay would somehow resolve what actually bothers me.

The problem is that he didn’t believe staying was necessary in the first place. The problem is that even now, knowing how serious my condition was and knowing how much this has hurt me, he refuses to consider that his decision might have been wrong. He is more concerned with defending what he did than understanding why I’m so upset. And I am fucking exhausted by it. I cannot keep going around in circles explaining something that I genuinely believe should be understood by an adult in a marriage. The more he defends himself, the more disappointed I become.

And as silly as it might sound to reconsider the state of a marriage over someone not sitting in a hospital waiting room, that’s exactly where my mind is going. Because it isn’t about the fucking waiting room. It’s about priorities. It’s about consideration. It’s about what being someone’s spouse actually means when things become serious. It’s about whether I can trust that when something terrible happens to me, my husband will recognize the importance of being there without needing explicit instructions. And now he’s made it clear that work will not be put aside for anyone except a child. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hear that and not question where I stand in this marriage. I don’t know how I’m supposed to look at his refusal to reflect and not wonder what other situations will be treated the same way.

I’m not saying this one incident defines everything about our marriage, but I would be lying if I said it hasn’t changed how I’m looking at it. I am angry. I am deeply disappointed. And I am beginning to question whether our understanding of commitment, partnership, and responsibility to one another is even remotely the same. I don’t need him to agree with me just to end an argument. I needed him to understand why this mattered, and he has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t see it the way I do.

I survived something that could have killed me, and somehow the part of this entire experience that has left me feeling the most upset is realizing that my husband and I might have fundamentally different ideas of what it means to show up for each other. And I am not going to minimize that just because someone thinks I should have asked him to stay.

Hi guys, well yeah I'm having another episode, as always you don't have to take this seriously, I just need to vent.

Man, I hate being born wrong hahaha, I hate almost more how people always say that I wasn't born wrong, the way the invalidate my entire life experience so easily and quickly is always fascinating!

What I have is so small that I don't even know if I should call it a "dick", I hate having a nightmarish body, physically I can't have sex in any way shape or form, and sure that's really sad, but to be honest with you guys?

It hurts me more to see that my body sucks, let me give you an example, leaving aside the millions of posts about horrible small dick are and how great big dicks are in social media, it really makes me cry when I see one of those comments being so honest and sincere in real life, for example there's a Vtuber that reacts to shows and more, and sometimes she stops the reaction to talk about how proud she feels of her husband having a big dick, and she doesn't say like in a vulgar way of anything, she just says it because she's just that happy that her husband is a proper man and such.

And that makes me think, oh wow, no one is going to feel proud of me ever! hahahahhahaha

Man this world is so weird, a few months ago I found out that one of my high school classmates died, I don't know exactly but it's possible that it was because of Covid, and she was everything I'm not, she was smart, charismatic, beautiful, like so beautiful that even her enemies (jealous classmates) would admit she was the pretties of the high school, I remember seeing her LinkedIn and she was having so many internships on IT companies and just growing in a great way, and yet...

She's not her with us anymore, and meanwhile I'm an idiot that can even keep properly a call center job to save his life (literally) and I'm still alive! Like what!? Clearly she was born properly, I would be happy to exchange places with her, I wouldn't suffer anymore and she would be able to keep growing and being great.

I don't know guys, I'm just sad, this whole thing of living life with never receiving a hug or smile from someone sucks, I do NOT recommend it hahahaha, please, if you are healthy please try to connnect with people, I don't know how it feels but I dream about it every night and I imagine it must feel wonderful, like I had dreams man, you know? Getting married, having kids, the family dog all of that cheesy stuff, I've talked about this before, I don't know if reincarnation exists, but if it does I pray every night the dude after me gets to be born healthy so he can be loved, as much as possible.

Happens all the time. I'm so sick of it and it makes me so mad these days. It's like I'm be treated like a child. And whats worse is I have to repeat myself again later.

My mom’s mother died a few years ago, and I drove with my mom to the state where she had lived with the rest of my extended family to help with the funeral and cleaning out the house. There was only one thing willed to me, which my uncle had supposedly stolen (but I’m convinced my cousin took) and my mom told me to only take other keepsakes after everyone else took what they want because I’m the youngest. I watched everything get divvied up, including several items that I had special memories of. Most of it went to my aunt.

Well, tonight my mom told me that my aunt and uncle declared bankruptcy and are moving and have already been downsizing so almost everything they inherited is gone, including several items that had been in the family for generations or created/built by my great grandparents. I’m so frustrated that no one thought to ask me if I would take any of it. And now it’s gone. Forever.

I'm struggling so hard right now to shake off jealousy and bitterness.

I (40f) have worked so hard to take care of myself as well as others when possible. I have tried to build a career and grow professionally. I never tried to take the easy way out financially by finding someone else to support me. I have never accepted material or financial gifts from men or love interests when offered. I never had any desire to use people like that, and materialism isn't something I value. I have never sought out fame or status. I have always just tried to live authentically and honorably. But I feel like all I've gotten in return is pain and suffering--lots of physical and emotional trauma. And I'm in a pretty low place in my life right now. I've been struggling for a while with no end in sight.

Then there's my cousin (40f). Since she was a teenager she has had a pattern of dating much older people who also happen to be very wealthy. Every single person she has ever been with. Not exaggerating. Man, woman, doesn't matter as long as they buy her luxury cars and luxury vacations and let her live in their nice houses. And she makes sure everyone else sees the nice things she has, but in a weird way--as if she somehow earned this life for herself. As if she is an accomplished and successful person. Although, I guess in a way she is successful, just not professionally. I'm sure she has had some struggles too, but it seems she has breezed through life being carried by others.

I have mostly been unbothered by her. The things she values are not the things I value, so whatever. But I recently found out she has been dating her biggest sugar daddy to date--a very wealthy, very famous, A-list celebrity. And I feel so jealous and bitter about it. I never thought she would make it that far, but she has. I'm sure she is very happy and proud of herself. And meanwhile, I'm still just relying on me, myself, and I, and busting my ass everyday trying to survive. Yep, I'm jealous and bitter. Grrrr.

I have always hated exercise. I enjoy light movement like walking maybe a mile around town where its flat or some controlled gym activity, and I love my job at dog daycare even when its exhausting (it took a long time to reach the point of the job even being doable for me too). But all my life i have pretty much hated outdoor activities in the sun, going up stairs, walking up a hill, gym class in school. My family always put me down for needing frequent breaks on walks or outings, not being able to carry stuff during moves or shopping, and generally preferring to sit. Walking uphill or carrying things like packages up the stairs makes me nauseous in record time. It turns out I have POTS and HEDS. I have gastroparesis as well and cant even stomach the giant meals required for working out anyhow. I am 110 pounds for any incoming fatphobes wondering. Part of my frustration is that whenever i talk about this, if its online especially people get snarky about how I must simply be overweight and lazy.

I especially hate hiking. My partner is obsessed. We HAVE to hike every week. And it HAS to be a fuckass 10 mile mountain loop trail labeled hard or strenuous every time. And we're always poorly prepared because his judgment is terrible and he lies about the length of trails or difficulty involved. He doesn't let me bring food i like because "no that doesnt have enough protein/this/that you have to have this other thing instead". I dont wanna do any hobby that involves minmaxing my diet like a fucking dnd stat spread. I have been nothing short of extremely transparent about this and my partners response is basically "challenge accepted". I keep finding myself in situations with him where Im forced to exert myself to my limit all while having my food intake policed. My joints are wobbly, i hate all the uneven rocky footing, and im always the one hurting my ankles, somehow never him. He outpaces me and belittles me for being slow instead of just slowing down for me even when I feel unsafe or like im going to fall. If i want to spend more than a single day indoors playing games and eating what I want, it really bothers him, even though I work a job that tires my body out while he only drives so he has no reason to be tired. Every time i try to say no, all of my reasons why just get deflected or falsely reassured and i feel gaslit when I show up to the trail and turns out its twice as long.

If I talk about not wanting to do trails/camping or outdoorsy stuff on my weekend for once, he begins to huff and puff that im going to turn into a "fat NEET" if i dont work out every week. I finally put my foot down this week because he forced another 10-miler on me before my work week where I have to be up at 5 and we're getting home at midnight bare minimum. I don't care if it upset him, i do all my hobbies alone and dont complain even though it would mean the world to me to share them with someone (which he knows and just shrugs in response to). I just really hate exercise and have never once fantasized about running up a staircase for 6 hours thinking "OMG THIS IS AMAZING I LOVE SWEATING AND CRAMPS AND HEADACHES" or whatever fitness people like him think about in their dreams. Sorry but its not for me, and that doesn't make me a failure.

I miss the age of being able to Google something and find that someone had written about it on their obscure blog. Awkward formatting, 927 hashtags, possibly even music or a bad, homemade YouTube video that starts playing uninvited. And then it’s just a person writing about whatever they chose to, and it’s not perfected by AI or stylised by some mega-conglomerate to sound like a normal person wrote it. There isn’t even any professional-level photography.

It’s just an average person, like someone you could simply run into on the street, sharing their thoughts, views, opinions, and experiences. I MISS it. It’s gone. Everything is polished and hyper-professional, or it doesn’t even try to dress up as a blog and is just one grand marketing platform with 900 shitty Amazon links to shitty products you damn well know this person was never “obsessed with” or “ran to the store for”. I just want Judy from down the road somewhere in Nowhere, Australia, to tell me why she loves this mixer for her green juice. Do you guys remember when green juice popped up, circa 2010? And everyone was talking about the Vitamix? Maybe that’s when blogs died. Maybe Vitamix killed blogging.

I digress—I miss blogs. I miss real people using the internet in a social way, without there being an immediate compensation algorithm involved, poisoning everything. And I want to not always have to resort to R*ddit (respectfully) when I’m curious about how some internet stranger somewhere might feel or think about something. The end.

I (26F) haven’t had sex, haven’t dated, I haven’t even kissed a guy. It’s due to a multitude of factors. Mostly severe mental illness in my teenage years, a very sheltered upbringing, and the lack of confidence that comes from growing up as a weird ugly kid.

It becomes a cycle that only gets worse and harder to get out of as you get older. Most guys in my age range want someone who is good at sex, not someone with no practice who still has to go through that awkward learning stage. And unfortunately a lot of the guys who are okay with the virgin thing, clearly just have a fetish for the idea of virginity (the idea they get from the “virgins” in porn.) So I end up just further isolating myself under the assumption that I am not what is wanted.

And before certain people get in the comments saying, “women can get sex so easily,” yes, I’m fully aware I could just go online and arrange a hookup with some rando, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to have sex with someone I don’t want to have sex with just to be able to say that I have. I’ve waited this long, I might as well wait for someone I’m genuinely into

My cousin, who is confined to her house due to a stroke, hasn't been able to watch TV for over 4 months. Her daughter hid the remote control of the TV. They do have another TV. The daughter brings that to work with her. So, she started working on her word search puzzles. Then the daughter threw them somewhere and won't tell her where.

We share a bathroom, I keep my stuff on the counter off to one side, and the drawers and cabinets are overflowing with her stuff. She claims that I'm flooding the bathroom with my things even though I have nowhere else to put it and the vast majority of the "junk" she complains about is hers. Anyways, she had a small mirror, it fell onto the floor and kind of slipped underneath the vanity a bit. She couldn't find it and instead of calmly looking for it she freaked out on me and started angrily tossing things out of the drawers.

Anyways I found the mirror in like 2seconds.

I'm being bullied by my manager at my job, I can't fucking afford anything rn and each step in getting my CNA license has been costing a lot of money that I don't have. I just wish I could stop being blamed for every fucking thing that goes wrong at my job and at my house. I wish she would stop projecting the anger she has towards my dad onto me. I know that'll never happen though. I don't have anywhere else to go so I guess I just have to silently deal with it.

I (18) have a mother (39F) who constantly talks about how she can't or doesn't want to do anything, and it aggravates me.

We recently moved to Arizona while I'm pursuing a college degree. My state had no opportunities, and she talked a big game about how she could work her ass off out here and do it.

My mother. An alcoholic drug addict who is definitely a narcissist with a victim complex. Who has also been a stay at home mom for 20 years.

Obviously, she's still unemployed. She also broke her car down (a sports car she did NOT need) and won't get it fixed either. Nor could we really afford to because she won't get a job.

We're coming close to rent day. And clearly I'm stressing because we have none of the rent and I really do not want to be evicted because of her. She believes she can come up with like $2k the day before and that's not true. She can't even come up with $100.

I asked her to reach out to rental and utility assistance places today while I was at class. She didn't do it. Shocker.

She wants me to stop "bitching" at her and "lecturing" her because she knows. Because "her own brain tells her constantly." However every time she has done ANYTHING helpful since getting here, it was because I sat down and did most of it for her or forced her. So clearly I have to keep teaching her how to walk when she already knows how, she just refuses to use her legs herself.

It's also one problem after another with her. Any excuse to get out of doing stuff. You solve one and suddenly a new problem is in the way and stopping her!

I don't know what I'll do if we don't have the money. I don't have any family to ask for money from. I don't have family out here either. If these rental assistance places can't help we might actually be screwed.

I have a job interview the 20th. But even if I land the job I won't have our rent in time. Not even a paycheck.

Not to mention I can't work full time and be a full time college student. That would be like 80 hours of my week, there are 168 hours in a week, 112 if you remove 8 hours of sleep a night. I can't overstack/overwork myself like that at 18 solely to make up for what a 39 year old woman should be fully capable of doing.

I'm just so tired of this.

why do I keep hearing this? every single time I date someone and I think they are really liking me, I hear this. I don’t know why and I feel like there is something genuinely unlovable about me. “you deserve someone who can appreciate your affection“ “I’m certain you’ll find someone else” they all tell me this. why was I not enough

I got fired for two reasons today. The first one- having to call out due to a high degree fever even though I try to report there every day, give notice if I have to be away well in advance, and keep myself on standby if they need it. I had sick time. Other people I saw were doing the same thing, and the job was advertised as a flexible "choose your own schedule" one.

The second- having had "poor" performance when I literally was still in the beginning stages of training, but also, specifically in that I allegedly didn't take feedback well when told I didn't do a task. I did do the task, and there was written proof of it. My employer claimed they did the work. I saw where the employer got confused and repeated the task I already completed- they made a typo in one of the fields which threw off the system and created a whole new file for a project. I asked them to review the work I did that was documented, dated and all. But no, no difference.

Working at a tiny place where your employer is your manager was a huge mistake. (Edit: edited "supervisor" to employer while I was typing this out, saw I missed one. Edited the remaining one for clarity.)

Edit 2: you guys have read the flair, right. This is a vent.

I think i have PPA but not the "is my baby breathing?" kind. I stay awake late at night waiting for him to wake up. Im envious of all the moms that have babies that sleep through the night. I know its going to happen. And it takes me a long time to fall asleep so I sit awake very often just waiting for him to wake up and inevitably cry/grunt/whine whether its hunger or gas pain. Let me give an example:

Tonight im at my computer at 1130. This is my me-time. Baby has been asleep for a couple hours and i know I would not have been able to fall asleep if I tried to sleep while he was. Husband passes by me saying I should head to bed soon while hes sound asleep. I look at the baby monitor seeing him twitch and move. I know hes not fully asleep. I end up coming to bed anyways. Listen to my audio book for 15 mins while I wait for sleep to come. I finally do succumb to sleep and am woken up less than 30 minutes later to a hungry baby. I'm upset. I shouldn't have fallen asleep. Now im extremely groggy, aggravated and nodding off while nursing him. He stops nursing and i try to burp him, still barely awake. Im still nodding off so I decide to lay him back down before i end up dropping him. Wrong choice. He starts screaming. I try nursing him some more, side laying, sitting up, anything to get him to stop, its not working. I start crying, overwhelmed, exhausted, and I just want to sleep. I know its gas but he stiffens his legs to the point I cant do his kicks and stretches. So I cry some more. Husband wakes up and starts rubbing my back for moral support. It's not helping. He thinks it has to do with his hernia belly button but I tell him it's nothing to do with that it is gas. Finally turn him over on his belly over my arm and knee and he settles down. Starts falling asleep, even. Now I'm silently crying in anger as my husband falls back to sleep, the baby falls asleep and I so desperately want to do that too. Im terrified to move him in case he starts screaming bloody murder again. After 30 mins I finally decide to flip him over and he is staring at me while letting out a couple farts. Im staring at him, tears in my eyes. How could I be so mad at someone so helpless? He falls back to sleep and I slowly, gently move him to his Bassinet. Now I'm here, typing this instead of going back to sleep cause I'm terrified to do it all over again.

Apologies for the grammar and punctuation.

All my friends just want to talk about memes, video games, or school. Sure, we talk about life issues sometimes, but they usually end up shrugging off deeper questions. Also, nobody seems to understand nuance or the idea of personal growth anymore; someone can hold contradictory emotions and people can eventually change themselves. They aren't their past. I just want someone who will look at the world, acknowledging its imperfectness, yet choosing to face it head on anyways.

// TW ;; Medical, Alcohol, Triggering Content //

Unfortunately, today happened to be a day where my mother decided to drink alcohol again—though knew she wasn't allowed to even be around the house we live at when she does because of child services. She broke the Safety Plan, and also dangled so much alcohol around my one week sober elder brother. the same brother i play video games with 6 hours daily, laugh with, and played uno with. i heard him throw up five times, and five minutes later he wasn't responsive at all, with his heart rate threateningly below average, blue hues on his skin, and extremely shallow breathing. it was so quick, and i was so scared for him, though nobody did anything as they were also intoxicated. i called 911, and eventually got ahold of somebody, but seeing him look like that broke something inside me.

he was doing so well, and he was so happy around me as we played games all day. i feel so horrible seeing what alcohol did to him, how my mother ignored everything put in place to keep me and my siblings safe. i had to be the one to monitor his condition because my brother didn't want to, and i had to stay on the line the entire time. seeing everything on the floor hurt me so much, it feels so vile like there's a giant sickness inside my stomach.

it's so frightening, because this was the second time i had to be the adult here. i saved his life twice, and both times our mother did nothing to help. i'm so terrified and dissociated right now, and our stupid kitten named kiwi went missing because she threw him out earlier in the night. it pains me so much, i feel like vomiting or just crying all night. i miss my brother already, even if he's in the hospital right now. i miss him so much, and i am so disgusted nobody was there for him despite knowing it wasn't normal for someone to vomit and have their bladder give out everywhere, be unresponsive and cold to the touch. i miss him so much already, i wish i was there at the hospital for him already. i took his pillow, and it's going to be mine for now, i just miss him so much and my cat kiwi.

i just wish i wasn't so alone, i wish i didn't have to be the adult. i want to be a kid, i want to be the fifteen year old i am, and i want for my older brother to stay alongside me. we could be kids, and we could be okay and play all day again, without the alcohol and the constant traumatizing situations every other weekend.

So, I'm doing a tech course that has people ranging from teens to young adults and I'm on it's 2nd (last) year.

I'm one of the only people in the course that's actually trying to take it seriously since the 1st year since it's something I like, but the thing is that some classmates don't do so seriously, which is OK but then there's this one guy.

He got passed from 1st year to 2nd and I, honestly, don't even know HOW since he's someone that most of the time either doesn't work or throws a tantrum.

I hoped this year he'd be different, but he's not, he just asks every 10 minutes for a 5 minute break (when he does nothing, or does what he doesn't have to do) so he's just constantly interrupting the class for everyone.

I would say "I get it, he's on the younger side..." but that's one thing and another is doing it on all classes every day, there's been times I considered telling him "Dude shut up, just PLEASE shut up" because at this point he's just dragging everyone back because he just wants to do nothing, and since he doesn't want to do anything,he throws a tantrum stopping the class for 10 minutes until he either cools off and shuts up for a bit, or he explodes and throws an ever bigger tantrum by going outside of the class to do god knows what.

I know the teachers are already fed up from his behaviour, because even the "cool" teacher is trying to tell him that he can't do that kind of stuff, but imo that just doesn't work with him , and I don't know what would.

I even tried to explain him like "Look dude, I know that you like playing on the computer, and I just know the teachers wouldn't have much of a problem with that, if you just did your work first", but that didn't work either.

Today we were on the Virtual Machines learning class, learning how partitions worked, most of the class was out of it since the teacher had been explaining for some time, but this guy asked if we "could take 5 minutes" , at which the teacher said no because he was explaining and he wasn't going to argue about that, so the guy tried insisting and the teacher just stood firm so the guy just walked out of the class , and by that point I could tell the teacher was fed up between most class ignoring him and then this guy doing that, so he just gave us a task to do instead of finish explaining, and tbh I get it.

I wouldn't have a problem with this guy not doing anything if he just didn't drag us all down with it, because I know that besides the lower quality he makes me have, it's also more probable that we don't have much leeway or fun activities just in case he goes like "I wanna do that too, why can't I?" and start throwing more tantrums.

TLDR: There's a guy in my class that won't work, but also won't let anybody work because he interrupts the classes constantly wanting to take breaks and it's got to the point that it's getting unbearably annoying.

basically what the title says, honestly. i don't feel the hunger at this point, but i feel extremely fatigued. i am on disability and cannot leave my bed at the moment besides the bathroom.

yes, i have tried a lot of resources. i have tried reaching out. the food bank opens monday and i will give them a call regarding delivery. the problem is that i can't really go out to utilize resources or go to soup kitches or pick up hampers.

i tried reaching out for help on other platforms, mainly tumblr, and got told they hoped i starved to death. at this point i greatly wish for it too. i hate living on disability. i hate that ny family abandoned me. i have little desire to carry on like this. i am safe, i won't do anything though.

i know i have posted about similar problems before. i have been following up on peoples comments. i am just here to vent.

thank you for reading.

Repost because it’s still fresh: was removed yesterday.
I moved into my home about 6 years ago, a somewhat rural area. My closest neighbors is 130-140 yards away with a small orchard between us. There’s enough clearing to see the carport and his backyard. My neighbor was an older gentleman, real friendly at first, but alone with no children and an ex-wife that was long gone. We spoke a few times and waved, but over the years he became more reclusive. Stopped taking care of his orchard.
I’m not very sociable due to ptsd(i was medic), and time working at an ER… so I don’t get close to people. I also use to work far from home. Whenever I was home I’d be sure to look around for my neighbor and monitor his activity. He would move his vehicle and travel to town once a week. Figured that’s the least I could do since the man never waved hi back anymore. He just stared at me. The sheriffs department was also at his house at least once a month.
Yesterday I walked outside of my house to wrangle up my chickens. They were staying at my door and didn’t want to move. That’s when I smelled something pretty familiar. I smelled death. I tracked the smell to my fence line and in the distance I saw a mass on the ground in front of my neighbors truck. I went back to get my binoculars to get a better look. Sure enough, I made out his decomposing body with flies all around. Again, nothing unfamiliar. Still a shitty feeling though. Glad I’m not numb to that stuff anymore. Therapy is good. Bit of a double edged sword feeling like a human, but healthy.
I didn’t go over there to positively identify the body I saw, wasn’t sure if it was a crime or not given the history with the law being there frequently. So I called it in. The deputy I spoke to was familiar with my neighbor and turns out he had dementia.
I know dementia is ultimately fatal , and his behavior made sense after learning that. I’ve seen a lot of death. I’ve watched people suffer. I’ve watched people die. I’ve watched people end people. Hell I tried saving some of those people as a former healthcare professional. Something about him being alone there decomposing for days makes me feel guilty though. There’s no telling when or how he ended up there at the moment. I hope it was quick. Even when I left the military and the civilian occupations that involved death I still manage to be close to it one way or another. I’m tired boss. Tired of seeing it. No matter where I go.
Poor man. I have a family, and I kept them inside. They’re also the reason I didn’t get involved with him. All the trauma conditioning told me danger and it was best to not be curious for their safety. The cops should’ve gotten APS involved if they knew though. I would’ve gotten APS involved if I knew. Those mf’s, didn’t realize that till now. Maybe he would have died in a more dignified manner. Think that’s the hard part of it all. A lonely death with no dignity.
Nature doesn’t understand that though. All the signs were there to let me know death passed through. Animals acting funny, coyotes howling, the lack of flies. Then there’s that sixth sense.. that cold in the air. That stillness. Like more room was made and the energy just moves somewhere else. If you’re not looking for something you’re not going to find it though..

To anyone that has reached this part, take care of yourselves. Don’t let people with a cognitive decline go alone. At the very least check up on them if you’re aware. This whole time I just thought he grew to dislike me for whatever reason or was doing bad things. Turns out he had a neurological illness. I wish I knew he had an illness. He didn’t deserve that.
The worst part was going back through my motion capture cameras and seeing myself doing chores , and in the distance I can barely make out his body. He appeared to be wearing a light colored shirt. I noticed as decomposition went on the colors obviously changed and became dark. Meaning the chances of him being obviously seen were higher in the first 24-72 hours.

I was out camping with my family the second and third day and taking care of my mother in town. All that while his remains were just a hundred and some yards away. I hope it was quick. Nothing more horrifying than seriously accepting you’re about to die with no one you love around you. Glad I can look back on that experience(s) as it didn’t happen.
Take care of yourselves and each other.

So I'm chronically ill, and I'm having a really hard time lately. So far, I've been diagnosed with hEDS, a brain aneurysm, PHACES syndrome, chronic migraines with aura, i also struggle with outdoor allergies and asthma that affect my day to day, im always having trouble breathing in some form. I also very likely have pots. I still have to go to the clinic, and the wait list is so long. I'm just really struggling. I had to go to the hospital today, I have to go to the hospital pretty frequently because my chronic migraines are so severe. anyways, I was in the hospital for a few hours because I was in the worst pain of my life. This was the worst migraine I have ever had in my entire life. I was sick and vomiting, and I was in so much pain, I was having full body tremors. medicine wouldn't touch it for about an hour, and I had to just keep getting IV drips to see if the meds would finally work. like, ive had brain surgery and this pain was worse than that. it took forever for the meds to kick in. once i was finally better we got back home at 2 in the morning.

I'm constantly having some sort of physical issue, whether my body hurts, my joints ache, I'm fatigued, I have an awful migraine, I can't see because of the aura with my migraines. I'm just having a really hard time. I have this friend who's also chronically ill, and I can't talk about how hard of a time im having without her pitching in and saying, Oh, well, this is worse for me. I'm having a harder time with so and so. can you just listen for two minutes and just... listen? That's all I want. I don't want to hear about how your issues are worse than mine. I just want you to hear me, and understand. This shit sucks.

I'm trying to take care of my body. And I'm trying to do things, but my body ends up hurting like hell at the end of the day. I dealt with awful mental health issues throughout my childhood, and it got significantly worse throughout my teens. pretty severe bipolar episodes. And now I'm paying for it with physical issues. It's just hard. While I was in the hospital today, I looked at my mom and I said, “Why is my body so fucked up?” And she said, “I don't know, but I'll try my best to fix it. We'll work on it. We can get through it.” And I just said, “Okay, Mom“ the past year I've just been getting reoccurring issues and worse health. my body is failing me. It sucks. Anyways, lmk if any of yall relate. thanks

Look im not here to criticize im just saying I constantly hear the accusation thrown at men and while its 100% true so have women. The sheer amount of women constantly throwing around "blowing my back out" and calling their partners "daddy" again not trying to harsh on anyone's yums but like thats a learned behavior not an innate one. And look I'm not super dominant in bed as a man, but im effective at pleasing my partner. So if I have to deal with one more just gross hookup; im quitting. Im at the point now where im just like yeah we can do it in the most unenjoyable way possible if I get little spoon after. A while many block me it weeds out what I dont want :p

we were arguing about something stupid related to my dad (they’re divorced) bc he wants me to lend him our old videocamera with cassettes so he can film with his phone and have it digital (it’s videos of our family when me and my siblings were little) and my mom doesn’t want to give it to him and says he won’t return it, we argued about that and then it turned into a bunch of other things she’s gone through throughout their marriage and she started saying that we never take her side (a lie, btw) and she always has to accept wathever he wants and well a bunch of stuff that would be eternal to type in here but to keep things short she was in her bed and then she started banging the back of her head against the wall, i was in my room and we had out doors open so we were arguing like that and i had to rush when i heard the banging and physically stop her and I started sobbing and i can’t believe she just did that, she started saying stuff like she hates him she doesn’t want him to bother her anymore, she wants to die and shit like that and I know my mom is kinda suicidal but i worked so fucking hard to help her in any way i can since the divorce and im just so tired im so sick of this i hate that i can’t move out i hate that even if i do ill be full of anxiety because she depends on my financially and i cant just stop supporting her i hate that i don’t have a normal fucking family bro im 24 years old ive been dealing with their crap since i was 17 why cant they be more mature im so sick and tired i just wsnt to vent because i cant believe she would do this i cant believe i had to physically stop her from injuring herself on the head its just so bizarre and im so mad because i never have mental breakdowns like that even when i felt like i was about to i did everything in my power not to because its crazy and i wouldn’t want to put my family through that i AM SO FUCKING TIRED

I (21M) really just cannot believe that love can find me. I don’t really think it’s something for me. I want to believe otherwise but I can’t even think about what it’d be like. Ive never had any romantic experience at all and I don’t think it’ll ever happen. Whenever I look at a girl I don’t think anything. Like, I don’t even know what mindset people are in when looking for a girl. It’s gotten to the point that my parents (my mom especially) keeps dropping subliminal hints about meeting someone and to stop being scared. They also a couple times said it was ok if I was gay (straight as a pencil) which really pissed me the fuck off (no offense to lgbtq). Plus the shit on social media isn’t really helping me either. It seems like everyone around my age is cheating, sleeping around, or both according to social media. I’m not trying to get played in my face as a newbie to all this shit. Now I know that nothing in the internet is 100% true, but if it’s being complained about far and wide there has to be some truth to it in some way? Anyways, I just can’t seem to think that with all this social media stuff saying fuck relationships, or everyone’s a cheater, plus the fact that I’m shy and never had any experience with any of this, that I’m just gonna end up the way I am right now, never in a relationship. I don’t want that but I’m too scared of all this shit. I don’t want to be alone forever but I can’t imagine something else.

Reposting because my post keeps getting lock and I didn’t get to respond.

I’m not sure what’s going on, but it seems like customer service at stores has gone downhill. Target is one we shop at 1-2 times a week but one of the worst. Got followed around at Target a few times, at least make it less noticeable. Walmart, Fred meyers, Best Buy, GameStop, and Starbucks customer service has gone downhill. A lot of employees don’t seem willing to help. Asking for assistance often feels like an inconvenience to them, and even asking a simple question seems to annoy them. I’ve never understood why some workers let their moods dictate how they treat customers. I get maybe they get asked the same question every single day but if it’s a different person each time why be rude about it?

We also avoid the mall because it feels like you can’t even window shop without workers watching you as if they suspect you of stealing. My wife always makes me go to Old Navy, Ulta, and Sephora with her because, apparently, when I’m with her, the employees don’t constantly ask if she needs help finding something.

There are still some genuinely nice and helpful workers, but unfortunately, majority of my experience has been disappointing. Whatever happened to making customers feel welcome instead of making them feel uncomfortable just for shopping?

Sometimes it’s just better to order off from Amazon.

To add, it doesn’t happen all the time. There are good days and good workers. I had never stolen. I rarely do returns. I rarely ask for help but when I do it’s always rude tone. If you don’t like dealing with people, why have a job dealing with people? I don’t care if that’s the only job you can get or if you don’t like it, at least act like your part - assisting customers. I get shoplifters have patterns. Why should I be treated as shoplifters and criminals just for shopping?

I don’t expect a smile or going over the board to assist me. Just don’t be rude and give me the stare down for asking a question.

If this gets deleted again then so be it. LOL. Venting session is done