r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Old-Friendship5760 • 6h ago
"nobody is coming to save you, you have to save yourself" and what if i don't care enough to save myself? Then what? They never have an answer.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Plenty_Shift1326 • 4h ago
just kidding, there is none
r/SuicideWatch • u/EveningExit875 • 12h ago
what the title says, really confirms my thoughts
r/SuicideWatch • u/Late_Information_682 • 6h ago
i wish i lived in a world where there was no pain or waiting for death to take me away, i don’t want to stop being me and stop being conscious. i don’t want people to not remember me nor care, i just want to live in a world where i don’t have to worry about what is going to happen to me all the time.
i just want to be safe all by myself, i want to be conscious after death but i know it’ll be nothing, just black darkness. i won’t even know nor will anyone else years later, the earth will end and everybody will be gone. nobody will remember anyone ever again.
r/SuicideWatch • u/ssickbish • 1h ago
i feel so empty. i feel i’m walking out there like a zombie who’s really good at pretending.
as a teen i never thought i’d make it to 25, i never bothered making any plans for the future because i never thought i’d have one. i’ve been abandoned and hurt my entire life and for as long as i remember i’ve been fighting, i’m so sick of fighting.
i tried to put myself out there tried to make myself better and it never worked, i’m just still as lonely and still just as worthless.
everybody who ever said they loved me still abandoned me. i don’t have the strength to keep going.
i “jokingly” told my last couple of friends to hurry to my house and pick up what they want when i’m gone so my family can’t sell it all. i hope they actually do it.
thanks for reading it, i’m sorry.
r/SuicideWatch • u/girlsvalentine • 2h ago
i was supposed to be good. i was supposed to be successful. i was so smart and i was so beautiful and i was so full of dreams. i was supposed to change the world. i was supposed to change the world. i was, i promise you all i was.
but i don’t even recognize myself anymore? i hate every single one of the people who did this to me. they took everything. they stole and violated and threw away like trash. and the worst part is that i let them. now there is nothing left of me
i wish i could get myself back. no one else, i just want “me” back. but she’s really gone
idk what to do anymore
i don’t think this is recoverable or salvageable or fixable or anything. like there is no coming back from this ever again. so what do i do?
i’ll never stop being miserable, it’s always been in me, since i was little girl i could feel it.
there’s really nothing left for me?
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ok-Election1916 • 9h ago
I am Autistic and have ADHD and a low IQ, so I am a worthless retard; not to mention I am ugly, unathletic and can't put on muscle despite trying my best with training, sleep and diet. I have bad genetics and get gaslit about it in person and online; for example, with building muscle, people are told that you just have to train hard and eat protein, which I have done for years, and I progress on a regular basis but still have no muscle despite training for 3 years; I have bad genetics, so I will leave the gym. I have tried some sports like sprinting, running, and BJJ, but I suck at all of them. What is the point of someone like me living? Everyone hates me, and I hate them; some people are just born to fail; I am one of them, and I have accepted it. I cannot outwork my predispositions, not to mention that most smart and good-looking people would not like me for being dumb and ugly, so what's the point in trying to make friends with them? I do not know how I will commit suicide, but it is something I want to carefully consider and make sure it's quick and painless. I will leave a short and brief note. Well, I certainly hated being born. I am not worthy of life or any success because I am a genetic failure. Well, guys who probably don't care, I certainly had to let out some of my emotions before I go.
r/SuicideWatch • u/PurpleBxrry • 5h ago
This will be tagged NSFW because this is probably triggering outside of general suicide, whatever, whatever. This is also an alternate and very old account; disconnected from everywhere. If you found this and it sounds like you, you didn't.
I'm not writing this crying or sad, like I'd assume most posts are. I'm listening to music after washing the dishes in my warm, insulated home. With a full stomach and an entertained mind after watching anime for a few hours on my couch in front of a big ass tv.
I have no bills, no worries. Nothing. I'm 16, and the world is my oasis.
But I feel like I'm a horrible person. I bring out the worst in people everywhere. Everyone I meet.
My mother
My father
My brother
even my friends.
Even people outside of those.
I had dated a person for years, and I remember how sexual our relationship was. Consistantly so. And now that I'm out of it, apparently they don't masturbate anymore. They don't write or read about anything even close to sexual anymore. And who introduced them to that, when they mostly didn't do it before? Me. I did.
My ex, after them, also indulged in certain kinks and things he was into with me, which I endorsed. Now, because of me, because of me bragging about being able to get him to that point, he's embarrassed by those things. So deeply embarrassed. And it was I who reassured him, just like before, that he had nothing to be ashamed of.
My mother is so kind to my sister, so kind to everyone else. But because of me, how selfish and disgusting I am, I caused her to hate me. Everything about me. Just seeing me gets her mad. But I deserve it; I am a disgusting child. When I was thirteen, I stole her intimate product and used it on myself, returned it, and used it again. Over and over until she found out that I had done so; then, after that, after even getting sick because of it with an STI, I stole it and continued to use it, getting sick sporadically over and over until I bought my own. Which she found. And I still kept.
When I was fifteen, I fought her. I was stupid; she only took my tablet, my computer, and phone away because I was rude. I was downstairs cleaning her salon; once I returned, I began to laugh at it. She came down and began to hit me, and I put my hands on her. I've complained about her, too. Even after she's done so much for me. Taken me places. Taken me on trips to different countries. Bought me countless gifts. I once complained at school, and CPS was called on her. She doesn't even say I love you anymore, whereas it comes automatically for, say, my sister.
My father loves me so much. But he doesn't support me, and I think he's so idiotic because of it and useless, when merely he doesn't have the money too. I make him come up to see me once every weekend rather than go to church with him and his family because I cannot fit into it. Because I do not want to. Even though they give me gifts and love, I am still too greedy to let them have all of my love. I dislike him and his religion, despite it making him happy. I miss who he was before, even if he was in pain, struggling mentally, financially, everything. He gives me everything he can. A phone, a bus pass, gifts, but it still isn't enough for me anymore. Even when he goes to church with me, he has to worry.
My stepmother hates me now. I hear her complaining about me, and I hear her complaining about me through the walls every time I visit. She wanted a girl, a daughter to take care of, and she wanted that with me. But I ruined it by hating her. Instead of calling her mom I call her Ms____. If I could manage to name her and name my mother the same way, it'd be better. If I just did what was recommended. Instead of complaining about her to my mom and about my dad to my mom and vise versa, they wouldn't have to connect any dots about me. I've treated her so horribly this entire time, even though I celebrated her at first. It's no wonder she hates me. She's the one who still picks out my gifts. I remember the day she fully hated me, I think. I got the blanket that I bought for her for Christmas about a year prior; it was the most expensive gift of the bunch. Cause she needed a new one. Now I don't buy anyone gifts. I spend all my money out of greed.
My brother, I hardly talk to him, but when I do visit him in the place where he lives, I've gotten not the best result. We used to get along when we were younger, and it was cheaper to visit. In the last few years I've seen him the most I've gotten was fights, arguments. Then he humped me, groped me. Talked to me about sex a few years later, and he wondered if I thought he was a virgin. It's his fault. That's what I know, I always know; I'm always told it. But in the end, I still brought that out of him by being where I was and who I am.
Then Star. I love him so much, and it sickens me; it sickens him too. Star is older than me, an age I won't be naming because if he saw this and wondered if it was him I'd have no use but to say yes and explain why our ages coensided eachother on any paragraphs. He wouldn't be upset. He's never upset with me, and it hurts, because I don't know if I upset him or if he feels too bad about what he's doing to ever be upset with me. My father already knew about him from before. From the church, where everything happened. And even then, after he stopped us from talking, I still ended up going and talking with him. I can say he started it, though. But then, it is me. I bring out the worst in him. I hear it so much in him, though he doesn't say it. About how I'm the first one he's ever felt this way for. And not the first person, the first kid. It hurts. To hear about how much he hates himself because of it. He. Hates. Himself. He hates the concept of a pedophile; he used to doxx and report them as a pastime in the past. He did that, right? But now he's here. Because of me. Now, instead of improving, I'm allowing him to indulge in everything, including sexual wants. I should be the one telling him not to, but instead it feels like I'm traversing baby's first pedophilic wants with him and hating him for me holding his hand through it. It's not like I plan to tell anyone either.
I don't even feel sick because of him, truthfully. I feel sick for who I'm harming. His mother, his father, his girlfriend, his brother. Being around them, secretly, knowing things about their lives when they should hate me. Not a lot, but still knowing. Knowing that they exist. Knowing what they do. Existing around them in the background.
But I still allow him around even though it hurts them. His girlfriend forgave him so much. And I know he never says it romantically, but every time he says 'i love you' it hurts, because why are you saying it to me and not to her? Why did she forgive you? Why is she still here? Even then, I feel jealousy, not worry for her completely. I think if I'm not the only one, and rather than feeling concern, I feel jealousy.
My friend, I only sat with him alone once. He groped me, my thigh. Then I spoke about him. Recently, the same thing happened again, only I wasn't alone. And he really isn't my friend. But I'm the one who let him, and I won't say a word about it, because I told him I was fine with it. Because somewhere below the disgust, I must be fine with it.
I wish I wasn't around them all to cause this pain. My greed is the only thing bringing it out. My greed and lust and disgust and uselessness. My laziness. So smart but so stupid. This is why this is here. I hate it here; I hate making people feel like this. I hate making people do this. I feel sick. If I wasn't here, there'd be no anger, no wasted money, no hate, no lust. People would be at their best, whereas I bring out the worst in everyone. I want to die. I want to do it so badly. But I can't. I want to stay. I want to stay for my star and the pleasure he brings me. I want to stay to learn more and earn. I want to stay, but I'm hurting people while I do so. It's sick. I'm sick. I'm disgusting for it. I'm disgusting for staying when it's hurting everyone I meet. Is it because I'm so accepting? Do I embody some form of sin that causes people to feel so lustful around me? So eager to exceed their own boundaries? Why can't i just be normal? Like everyone else around me?
r/SuicideWatch • u/aaqqaagh • 14h ago
I 16ftm sent nudes, videos too. It was to this random guy who wanted a sexual relationship with me and I never wanted to send anything to him but he send them to me so I felt pressured. I know it was stupid but now the relationship is over and I'm terrified. Idk if he deleted them or not but he used me. He said he loved me but he used me. Ive been sexualy assaulted before and it seems like everyone only wants my body. Ive never shown the things I showed to him to anyone before and I feel disgusting. I tried to reach out to a very close friend but he seemed mad that I woke him and stopped responding. I want to die so bad. I can't stop crying and I feel like throwing up. I texted hotlines but they didn't do anything. This is my last hope. I hate myself for what I did and I knew I shouldn't have but im stupid
r/SuicideWatch • u/Biscuit_Muncher26 • 28m ago
I’m done.
I actually give up on life more than ever. Can someone please just talk to me like a normal person and not try to be a therapist towards me. Is it that hard?
r/SuicideWatch • u/Maddiha456 • 36m ago
I feel down all the time I need to feel up I need to talk to somebody
r/SuicideWatch • u/AdmirableDance1208 • 4h ago
I'm a non passing trans woman, 1year on hrt and I don't pass.
I have a lot of masculine facial features and I knew I wouldn't pass but I just thought I would boymode forever and just would feel good in my body. Instead I just get harassed and spit on even in boymode so I stopped going out and I'm just miserable.
I look like a guy that takes hormones with boobs and it's so humiliating.
I'm self harming and I'm that close to just giving up on life entirety.
Even if I were to detransition I would still have boobs and I'll still be miserably dysphonic but if I continue I get harassed and l stop going out, stop receiving medical care, stop existing
I'm also disabled and have no path to being able to afford any surgery
I mean I tried and it was a last resort so I feel it's only fair I put an end to my life
r/SuicideWatch • u/Expert-Guava-6903 • 3h ago
I don’t have the strength to go on anymore…neither i have the courage to die…i would be super happy if someone can just take me out from this world and end my misery…dont say it will get better because it doesn’t…i have been saying the same fucking thing for 15 years now and it just gets worse…please kill me i will pay any amount to end this pain…
r/SuicideWatch • u/suicidal-babe • 8h ago
this is literally hell. I'm not healthy enough to stop feeling suicidal. and I'm not brave enough to kill myself. I'm just stuck in this agonizing humiliating middle stage. what the fuck is wrong with me.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MESSIRVE212 • 3h ago
Please please i cant take it anymore, my mom doesnt understand me, i feel so lonely right now, please someone just talk to me, i dont want to die
r/SuicideWatch • u/jupiter4sure • 6h ago
I remember when I was little, I used to dwell on the question, “Would you rather know how you were going to die, or when?” Lucky me, I have the luxury of knowing both. I think I’ll try to make it to see another spring, but I don’t know if I’ll get that far. I hope I do, but I really can’t imagine anything bringing me out of this. I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t want to live it. Everyone my age works, drives, knows what they’re going to do in the future and I don’t and I don’t think I ever will. I don’t think I’ll grieve a future that I don’t belong in. I’m kind of just banking on something taking me out before I do it myself cause I’ll hesitate. It reminds me of the sunk cost fallacy, why should I put more effort into living when I know that the result in whatever I do will be a premature death? Anyway, just wanted to get that off my chest though no one on here will probably even read it. Still feels good to put something out into the abyss and not have it look back at you.
r/SuicideWatch • u/icanneveratone • 3h ago
I (18yr) was exposed to heavy amounts of porn by my groomer during quarantine when I was around 12-14 during a very impressionable time in my life and it has ruined any chance I ever had of having any sort of future, and due to my parents being entirely neglectful I haven’t gone to school since 8th grade. The past 4 or so years have just been me, alone in my room, constantly pleasuring myself to the point of possible nerve damage to my hands and possible brain damage from the amount of porn I have consumed. My brain doesn’t function like it used to, it feels like there is a gaping hole in my brain or like a part of my brain has fizzled out and doesn’t work anymore, I can’t think or understand complex topics like I used to when I was younger and I can’t hold items with my hands for long before they start aching and going numb. Every current test I have taken free and paid have told me my iq is below the average and coming from a child who was supposedly gifted the things I wanted to achieve in my life are no longer possible. I don’t have any friends online or in real life, no support system to help me and multiple years of debating suicide that I can’t take it anymore, I have been getting the last of the things I care about in order, and I will be taking my life sometime soon.
I just wanted to be a scientist, now I won’t be anything at all.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Excellent_Reward_395 • 8m ago
i just want someone to love me. i love so easily i always see everyone with rose tinted glasses but when it comes to loving me idk whats wrong. i don’t understand whats wrong with me. i don’t understand why im so hard to love. i just a happy life. i want a loving partner and kids and live the rest of my life happily. i do well in my career i know its more important than men but why is it so bad to want love. i dont wanna be obsessed over someone loving me. but its only human to want it. why is it looked down upon to crave love. i dont understand. i don’t understand why people who don’t even look for it get it but when i try i always fuck it up. i think i will die this way. i will blow my brains out one night when i finally realise that theres no hope for me. and i dont think i will ever have the life ive always dreamed of. the life everyone else has but for some reason it’s forbidden for me
r/SuicideWatch • u/HardSpongee • 10m ago
I really want to end my life but without action and a plan I'm just stuck in this hell.
So painful to think I'll be here to suffer for another 30+ years
r/SuicideWatch • u/Kindly-Error-1798 • 9h ago
I am so tired. College is too much, I’m so behind. I can’t keep doing this like this anymore. 20 years old, and I feel like I’m already done. I have given all I got and I’ve come up short. I’ve come to realize I feel this way just about every night, every night is torture. I’m tired of lying down and wishing I was desperate enough to do something to myself. Sometimes I think about how I know I won’t do anything to myself, and it makes me feel disappointed. Idk how to shake the feeling that the world would be better if I wasn’t here. I’m a burden on my parents. I have a lot of good things, and I still somehow managed to ruin it anyways. I’m worthless. Idk, I feel like shit right now. I’m tired of feeling like this every night. Getting my life together is too difficult. Asking for help is too scary. I have no energy to muster pushing forward anymore.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Substantial_Dog_609 • 7h ago
I’ve been passively suicidal for like 18 years, but things did improve for a while. In the past 12 months my life has gone to shit. I am fucking up my interpersonal relationships because I can’t function properly and am not acting or thinking like myself anymore. I hate letting people down, so it feeds the cycle of hating myself more.
I lost my soul dog who was my service dog at only 4.5 years old almost a year ago now. Life has gone rapidly downhill since then.
I really don’t have any close family members left alive. The two I do are far away, or .. dying.
I’m in accumulating debt I can’t pay off, I’ve let everyone in my life down including me.
I don’t want to hurt those few left that care about me, but I’m hurting so deeply.
I started sh again after like 10 years clean.
I never thought I’d make it to 30, and I turned 30 in August. I deeply regret living this long.
I just want out
r/SuicideWatch • u/ExpressPirate3217 • 7h ago
I have no one. If I died right now, the only reason anyone would ever know is because of the smell or because my rent is unpaid. I don’t have family. I don’t have friends. I try, I have had friends before, I’m not ugly by any means and I have an endless amount of artistic hobbies that should land me a decent group of people, or at least one single person that I could call on a bad day like this to come over and play games and chat with. But even that is out of the question. Even on my worst day, I’m alone.
I’m a tattoo artist for work and even though a decent amount of people do appreciate my original art, even then I feel like no one likes me. I feel like when I talk, there’s just something so unbelievably unlikable about me that absolutely no one can connect to me. I bury myself in my art and try my hardest to put these horrible feelings to something productive but it only does so much, and there are some feelings of misery that I experience on a daily, hourly basis that are so intangible and deep that there’s only so much of a bandaid I can put on with my hobbies.
And now, on top of being at the lowest I have ever been and completely and totally alone, I lost my day job and have to make up 3k$ by the first if I want to avoid being homeless. And I can’t do it. I can’t stomach waking up and feeling like this. I’m 24, and life has only gotten worse and worse every single year. I aged out of foster care at 18 with nothing and 6 years later I’m 100x worse. I can’t be homeless again, and I have no feasible way to make 3k to keep a roof over my head. I think that i have nothing to live for, I think I have experienced the last of the beauty that the world has to offer and I think that losing the one bit of dignity that I have left, a roof, is a really solid time to call it quits on everything. I don’t even know why I’m posting on here other than that I thought putting these thoughts on paper would make me rethink it, but as I ramble and remind myself what a waste of space I am and how deeply horrible my life and circumstances are, I think it’s time to just let go. I hate my life and I wish I had a single person to lean on. I am just ready to go.
r/SuicideWatch • u/thisismysecondacc_ • 9h ago
no one to talk to
im alone
why even try
nothing will amount to anything
i dont even truly exist