i’m 21 and i’ve been depressed since i was around 11. i’ve been a NEET for 3 years. ive gone through years of therapy, been to the psych ward, been to a residential treatment facility, and none of it has really worked. i just don’t see a future for myself. i don’t like living. and due to insurance changes i won’t be able to continue therapy soon. ive been extremely depressed recently and ive been thinking through my options. it finally occurred to me i can walk to a store locally that sells box cutters and rope. stupid, i know. but i haven’t been this desperate before. i feel relieved but also scared. i don’t want it to hurt but i know it will.

Ich suche jemand wo mich schnell ins Jenseits befördert.

Will einfach nicht mehr.

Geld ist kein Problem.

Idk if this is the right place to ask this but, I often get tired of my life and always get the same thought "what if I die and I wake up in another life? Like a better one the one I always dreamt of?" I feel like I don't really have much in this life, and I was wondering if risking this life MAYBE for another life is worth it? Idk if im just a delusional teen but I feel like it could be a fresh start, a new life, a new page if you know what I mean.

I don’t want to stay alive, I do, deep down I do, just because I want things and to see how they turn out. But, just this very moment, I feel shame, guilt, depression, and self pity, all the feelings that I carried onto from another’s trauma as I try to love them. I’m tired

(Written on a sleepless night as I cope with my depression)

I wish my tears were shards of glass that cut my cheeks each time they’d fall. I wish each shard would scrape my chest, thighs, fingertips, and all. I wish I could suffer a deep pain that bruises the soul, I wish I never get the chance to feel whole.

I pray my body aches to death, untouched by any form of love, I pray that if there really is a God above… He understands that I wish I were never born.

If I were never born, then no one would have suffered because of my existence. I would not be alive to feel like living is only death’s resistance.

I know this pain is temporary. It fluctuates. Comes and goes. But it never gets easier when you deal with it alone...when no one else knows.

I'll stay another day just incase...In case there's something beautiful I have yet to see. I'll stay another minute in hope I find that beauty in me.

every time i think that my mind and life is going to be normal again ends up with a feeling of suffering of never endless struggles in my life which i can not escape no matter how hard i try. i simply cannot say something that "everything is going to be okay" cause no. it will not. i always just ENDURE the pain and the pain never goes. ENDURING... ENDURING... nothing else more. nothing changes. i only try to escape but it really doesn't matter, right? i do really don't want to chase after what is not mine. and when i talking abt "what is not mine" is generally my life. my life has no meaning.

Diagnosed mdd, I take my meds everyday but my main psych's next open slot is still in January next year so no therapy or check-ups. I'm trying to do everything else right. I'm tired of wondering how long "now" will take. It's been like this for months but still feeling anhedonic. The only thing keeping me from attempting again is not wanting to be confined again and wanting to see a close friend from rehab out soon. Don't know why I choose to torture myself like this.

Been having dreams I died, either from overdose, tragic accidents such as a crash or somebody murdering me.

Im 1 month post partum very sleep deprived and trying to take care of my son's. It's so hard, I feel like shit and wanting to die everyday.

On top of this, Im going through a medication change and am currently going through a manic episode.. I don't want to do this anymore but I unfortunately have to.

It feels like I'm going through all of this for nothing just to die one day

I'm 24, I made it pretty far for how long I've thought about this.

I have had many friends, and lost them all, had a lot of family, and most them all too.

I always felt lonely when I had them, thought about this a lot while they were still here, after I lost them all I had a plan until for the first time in my life I met someone and fell in love, he saved me.

we had some really amazing years together, but he changed lately, we started fighting until it got worse and worse and he just left me, he was the last thing holding me here.

The world feels like it went to shit anyways, people don't even go outside anymore, I have nobody left and I don't even want to meet anybody else at this point because they always end up being shitty people, I'm not sure if I'm drawn to shitty people or if they are drawn to me, but I'm the end I'm still left with shit.

I don't really know why I'm even making this post, I just wanted to throw my last thoughts somewhere, good luck making it through, I have failed that challenge.

I wish that I could just die without experiencing any pain if that's even possible. The pain scares me.

I actually want to kill myself. I can’t take this. I feel so gross and like I’m committing something taboo when it comes to naturally to me. I’ve been taught that my only worth is pleasing men, so why do I want women? I’ve been taught that I’ll just be a man’s girlfriend at the end of the day. But I feel so free with women, I feel like I truly can feel love and be myself. I really wish I wasn’t a lesbian. I fucking hate myself

Finding out I’m a lesbian has been so traumatizing.

36M autistic, I turn 37 exactly one week from now on Saturday the 24th. This year has been the worst year of my whole life, and the stress and depression has been unbearable.

I am not sure what to do. Maybe just want to talk. I feel like not wanting this birthday and do not want to live through what is likely to be the worst birthday of my life.

I have been on a downward spiral for some time now. Been losing people for some time basically my entire friends and family are gone. Left with my youngest who’s other parent ran out on us over a year ago found another partner that was already married and I was not too concerned with it. Until recently they decided to begin working my youngest by promising them all kinds of incentives if they move in with them. I got paperwork in the mail with a bunch of lies about me threatening him with a gun to them fleeing a domestic violence situation. I never have hit any of them and my physical disability has taken a turn for the worse lately where I’m struggling to find a reason to live anymore. Between being in agonizing pain that medication has become almost useless and feeling like death is my best option. Hate to see how any of this is going to help matters but I’m clearly in a state of depression and now I am really struggling to find what to do anymore. If the ones you gave everything will easily turn and stab you directly in the back than it’s not very easy to not lose it. I have already been diagnosed with ptsd major depression and possibly bipolar. I am far from perfect but have tried so hard for over 2 years to get stable on my medications and attempting to build up the stuff I own into better stuff because I have ability to fix stuff with my skills and if it was not for my injuries I would have a profitable career unfortunately none of it seems to matter much if you have nobody to share it with. I don’t want to die I just have very little hope or optimism. I have been searching for answers and just found out I have a worsening condition will need surgery soon and could recover but I also have been doing all of this alone for awhile. The last thing I want is for my youngest to be used as a tool to hurt me. I’m so incredibly exhausted mentally and physically I just have run out of ideas. I tried to reach out to anybody I could and seems to me I don’t have anyone anymore. Basically if I would just let my kid do whatever they want I would not have to be punished with these lies but because I try to discipline them that’s how this happened so now I either give in to him and risk ruining his own future or give them the end of my life.

I’m feeling overwhelmed, if anyone can chat for a minute please.

I need someone to talk to because I gently because I might end myself before I get to go on this date with someone I really like. I’m scared of my
Health and my depression and scared of
Rejection.

For the past two years dating has been my goal. But it feels like no matter what I try I can never get a girlfriend.

Ive tried every piece of advice out there. Ive tried focusing on myself, dating apps, being open minded but it's like nothing works. And if I cant experience romance I dont want to live. Im tired of being constantly rejected by girls because they're "straight" or "im not their type or some other stupid ass excuse. Its really starting to piss me off.

they bit me a ton when we had a sleepover then kept going after i told them to stop and were trying to break skin. I didn’t wanna hit them so i just let them and kept saying stop. idk anymore i just don’t know if ill ever find people who give a shit. i’m more fucked than ever. just why. i needed a good person in my life. i just needed someone to carrreee AND I GOT BIT. I CANT WHEN IS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND ME GOING TO BE NORMAL. WHen is this hell going to end. I guess it’s funny cause this keeps happening to me AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND WHY CANT YOU FREAKS JUST WANNA LIKE JERK OFF OR SOMETHING. WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH EVERYONE I NEED A FUCKING BREAK but i also can’t just live alone and be a recluse BUT THEN YOU FUCKING BITE ME

i have no friends, nobody in my life who cares about me, i push everyone away. i ghost ppl i don’t want to ghost and it comes back to bite me in the ass when they move on from me.

i have no future, have never had a relationship, can’t hold any relationship platonic or else.

i can’t bring myself to be happy, ever. the only time i feel any semblance of positive emotion is when im cutting myself or vomiting or some other form of self harm. i fucking hate this and i can’t keep doing this.

I have an almost 4 year old and 2 month old. I feel so consumed by my anxiety some days I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. My marriage has gone to shits. My husband doesn’t understand the extent of my depression and adds to it. I don’t know how to keep going. I’ve always been depressed and anxious, but never this badly. I just want to shut it all off.

I hate my life. I have very few friends, most of whom I don't really talk with lately because I've been isolating myself from everyone. School starts in 2 days but I'm dreading it because everyone has cliques but me, and my GPA last semester was god awful

My family constantly disrespects me. I made my mother cry today. I should clarify, I don't feel bad that I made her cry. I got upset because they're always making decisions about when and how long we go overseas for. We always visit extended family, and I hate it every time. My grandmother would molest me and say inappropriate things about me. My dad's side of the family is uneducated and selfish overall. They all hate our family and just suck up to my father when it's convenient for them. I hate them.

My bitch mum called me "just a baby" when I said I was almost an adult and my opinion should be considered too. ( I'm almost 18)

They drag me to India for crazy periods of time. I'm isolated. No one understands me there. No one cares. No one notices. No one converses with me. No internet, or shitty internet. I can't call my girlfriend. I'm alone and suicidal

I lashed out and told my mum she had no right calling me a baby when she's the one who financially relies on my dad, has never had a job before, and is just a doormat for everyone to walk all over. And it broke her. And I laughed. And I don't regret it.

My stupid fucking dad said I was incredibly disrespectful and I need to apologize. I won't. I will not. I only reacted after I was disrespected. That bastard said there was nothing disrespectful about what she'd said. Fuck him. So I start yelling like mad and now everything sucks

I'm going to take pills today. I don't think I'll try to die I'm too scared, but I really hate living and I wish I could take my life. The other day, I almost got hit by a car because I was jaywalking, and I found myself.. sad that I didn't get hit.

I just want everything to end. I don't care.

My dad acidentally found my suicide note in my bedroom. I know he never goes into my room, unless he needs to mess with the electrical panel or something, so of course I believe him when he said he didn't mean to snoop around. He never does that to me. He moved my drawer out of the way—can't remember what he was trying to do, but the note that I wrote weeks ago somehow fell out and he read it. He showed it to my mom afterwards.

Moments later they confronted me about it. I couldn't keep my sexuality a secret to them anymore, so I caved and came out as bisexual. To my surprise, they didn't kick me out of the house like I thought they would. My dad even told me he didn't think I was straight anyways. They accepted me. I was genuinely shocked. All these years of living in fear, pretending to be someone I'm not... it was all for nothing, in the end. I felt relief in that moment. We talked.

But still... even though I don't have to live in so much fear anymore, why do I still feel suicidal? Why do I still feel like this? I talked about my thoughts of suicide to them and yet it wasn't even enough to make them go away entirely. Do I still feel suicidal because of all the years I spent afraid in my own home? Is it because I spent all these years trying to please everyone around me? I still want to die. I've been trying to keep myself busy for the past few days since then—the thoughts of doing it still cloud my mind. I know I should be grateful, not everyone who's part of the LGBTQ+ community has accepting parents. I only feel even more guilty for still wanting to kill myself when I think about it.

I don't have a planned date anymore, I put the bottle of pills in the pantry shortly after my suicide note was discovered. I even gave away a razor blade that I snuck home from work to my parents. Despite all this, I still want to kill myself. I wonder how long I'll go before I start planning again this time...

I call the suicide hotline about it a lot and I have a caseworker and stuff and she knows I'm psychotic and want to kill myself and stuff, there just aren't any resources. I'm often intelligent but my ability to organize my thoughts has narrowed down to this point. There really isn't help out there, like I keep asking for it but there aren't any resources, I'm in a rural area and underinsured. I was suicidal but now I'm not, I do think I will kill myself though because the feeling behind the suicidality has been replaced with a sort of ability to envision the steps of it with the idea of my body following by rote.

Forgive me for this not making sense, I'm having difficulty with linearity. I don't want to kill myself at this moment but I have in the past, however I do feel I'm at risk because at this state I get a thought stuck in my head that turns into a symbol uncontrollably, and I fear acting it out. Trying to re explain: my body just does it without me connecting the emotions to the impulse.

There's just a missing step between the impulse and the act and I think that's why it's so dangerous. But why won't anyone take it seriously? Is it my demeanor or ability to feign coherence for moments? I just envision it so clearly it almost seems like the completion of a paradox.

I didn't want to bug the suicide hotline guy about it so I am bugging you

In reviewing, I think the problem is they put too much weight on having a plan and I'm very impulsive in this state but I've done myself some serious damage in the past.

No one ever wants to hang out with me (18m), They dont even check their messages. Gee, what a great way to show someone just how much it wouldnt matter if they disappeared.

Two days ago my uncle told me to call him today and when i did he didnt pick up. I was really looking forward to that phone call so much. I wanted to talk with him so badly. Idk. I want to jump off the train trestle near my house and i wish someone cared enough about me to at least answer my calls. I was in rehab for 3 months and got back on the 29th of september and only one person i know has hung out with me since then. I went to rehab cuz i wanted to blow my brains out and was hoping that maybe, just maybe getting clean would make me feel better. But i was wrong. Im always fucking wrong. All my life ever does is get worse. I tried, i tried so god damn hard to fix myself and somehow i ended up even more miserable and all i want is to hang out with someone, or at least talk to someone but instead i'm just laying in bed crying all the time and messagimg people who never reply. I'm not going to jump off that train trestle but oh my god it would be so nice if i did. Idk exactly what I'm getting at here but its pretty much just me complaining about how lonely and miserable i am. It just feels like the only way people would love me is if i was dead.

I'm 25, in the final year of my BA History degree, and honestly, I'm not doing well at all.
My parents' marriage is falling apart. My dad has been staying at his office for days at a time, and my family is financially dependent on him. My relationship with both my parents is deteriorating, and I don't have a particularly supportive extended family to fall back on.
College hasn't helped either. Most of my lectures are online, the teaching is mediocre, and I barely interact with my classmates or professors. I'm approaching graduation without a clear career plan, and I don't want to spend more years collecting degrees just to end up unemployed or stuck in a career I hate. My dad wants me to work in his business, but I don't think I can live up to his expectations or ever stop being compared to him.
I barely go out anymore. I don't have many friends, I feel increasingly disconnected from people, and I hate how expensive, polluted and exhausting everyday life here feels. The constant pressure to earn, compete, marry and conform makes me feel even more alienated. I don't want the conventional life people keep telling me I should want, but I have no idea what an alternative would realistically look like.
The worst part is that this has gone beyond ordinary career confusion. I've been struggling with thoughts about not wanting to be alive, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to see a future I actually want to be part of. I'm not looking for a debate about nihilism or a lecture about how life is beautiful. I'm exhausted, angry, isolated and genuinely struggling.
I don't even know what I'm expecting from posting this. Maybe I just need to say this somewhere without pretending I'm okay. If you've been in a similarly dark place, especially in India, how did you deal with it? What actually helped, beyond generic advice to stay positive, work harder or get married and settle down?
This keeps the seriousness of what you've told me without turning your suffering into a performance. It also gives readers a way to respond with something more useful than arguing about whether life has meaning.

The suicide hotline isn't even answering wtf am I supposed to do. I hate everyone they're all useless and I've never been actually helped.