I’m really not, and never was, interested in living. I’m not interested in anything, not in achieving anything, working, or participating in life. I’m mentally disabled, and I hate existence and how fucked up and mysterious it is to even be here, yet people seem to go about their lives normally, as if being here is just a normal thing. Even if I had all the materialistic shit in the world, I wouldn’t be happy because my problem is with existence itself and the fact that, to end it, you have to experience physical pain. Like, fuck this.

After failing to kms so many times in the past, I'm so tired. I just wish I could die in my sleep.

I wish that I could just die without experiencing any pain if that's even possible. The pain scares me.

Ever since Covid I have not been the same I’m in my 30s and moved back home to try and start my own company and really make a go at following my heart. I’ve worked in customer service my entire life and tried to change my situation so many times but could never get ahead. The worst part is I never made time to find someone and the older I got the harder it has become. So now I’m sitting on my couch in my child hood bedroom thinking about RJ Mitte and how I feel completely alone. All my friends don’t reach out and they never really did and even my own brother everyone is busy with their lives.

Now that I am back home it really put everything into perspective and I found myself creating again but with a different channel. I’ve built a company and I’m finally seeing some success but also it’s shown me those that never actually cared about me on a deeper level. I’ve always liked computers and music and something told me to leave it all behind and pursue this dream. At the same time I’ve never felt more alone and isolated now that I am back in my childhood room. I wish I knew why I feel this pain this extreme anger and sadness.

I guess I’ve realized that RJ Mitte he reminds me of myself and it breaks my heart because this world really is evil and something is wrong with how people are to each other now. We pretend like it’s ok but the truth is people are struggling and I can remember life before iPhones and this massive shift. It truly feels like those that are awake realize that collectively humanity has sold themselves to fulfill a void with technology. Nothing feels real anymore.

my birthday is coming soon I can't wait. I'm gonna be free 🎊🎉

CONTENT WARNING: suicide ideation, hopelessness and loads of negativity. Sorry gang 💔💔

Before we continue: no I don’t have plans to hurt myself. Sure ideation exists, but I that doesn’t mean imma act on it. Let a girl have her 1/4 life crisis 🙏🙏 (cant say midlife crisis bc im not even there yet lmao)

TL;DR: Life doesn’t appeal to me or seem worth it. I’m not doing anything that would improve my life because I’ll just off myself at some point because I can’t stand the idea continuing this life and growing old.

I (F22) am waking up 5 days of the week and putting 40 hours into a job I LOATHEEE. Hate the company and the people I work with. But everyone does that so I know that’s nothing special. I still live with my parents and I’m saving money. For what? Nothing in particular. My life is technically good. I mean- when considering other people’s lives, yeah I’d say I live a very privileged life. But I’m not happy. At all. Some would even describe me as miserable. Can’t say I’m happy to be awake or living.

I have no idea what I want to with my life. I should look for meaning, a purpose or something. But honestly.. life just doesn’t appeal to me.
- People, especially those with college degrees, are having trouble landing a good paying job

- Housing and renting are ridiculous expensive

- Generative A.I is rapidly expanding and data centers are being built

- The Earth is slowly dying, and the data centers are definitely not helping

- There’s a literacy crisis happening in the US (unless smth changes, the future generation is cooked)

- The US government is becoming unapologetically facist

- Multiple genocides that have been happening for DECADES

There’s a alot of shit in this world. But there are also some good things in life. Ig I’m choosing to see my cup as half empty. I shouldn’t hyper focus on the bad stuff, but I can’t just pretend that life is not heading towards are dark path and everything will be alright. I don’t think I was built for living or being human ngl 🤷‍♀️

I think the reason why I don’t try to get help or make any attempts to improve my life is because a part of me has accepted I’ll just kill myself eventually. I have no intentions of living past 35 or reaching middle age soo… yea I have that going for me. I can’t stand the idea of watching my body and mind deteriorate and having to be a burden on my family and friends. I REALLY hate the idea of growing old.

I also have no intentions of find a partner or having children. None of those things appeal to me as someone who enjoys my solitude. Unlike many, I can’t use that as a reason to keep going. The thought being a grandma?? NO THANKS.

Ig you can say I’ve given up on myself and use excuses that allow me to sink further into my misery. Ain’t nothing like self sabotage amirite?? 🤣🤣

So yea gang idk what to do from here 🤷‍♀️ kinda stick in limbo. It’s either I subject myself to this bleak existence or have the guts to off myself. But I can’t do that to my family so errrmmm. Yeah. Can’t subject them to more trauma.

I failed in this life and I’m sorry to my parents who brought a pathetic excuse of a human into existence.

I've been suffering with agonising pain/discomfort in my esophagus/chest for almost two years now. Every day I wake up to the pain, and it's been whittling me down day by day. I have a condition called EoE. It's awful that this is the sole reason I want to kill myself. Because I would really love to keep living, but it's just too much torture for me to go on like this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Everyone and everything is insane. All of life is a bunch of lies and suffering. I dont understand how this is the reality we ended up with. There is no words to describe it. I dont know how I didnt do it earlier. This society is unlivable

I know thats vague as fuck but thats it. I aint got more to say

I actually want to kill myself. I can’t take this. I feel so gross and like I’m committing something taboo when it comes to naturally to me. I’ve been taught that my only worth is pleasing men, so why do I want women? I’ve been taught that I’ll just be a man’s girlfriend at the end of the day. But I feel so free with women, I feel like I truly can feel love and be myself. I really wish I wasn’t a lesbian. I fucking hate myself

Finding out I’m a lesbian has been so traumatizing.

I hate living. The world sucks. My body sucks. I suck. I want to die.

I'm too tired and empty

I intentionally through my life away after having it all. Because I was miserable having it all so I was like what’s the point. Now that life’s even harder for me with a felony and I’ve done a lot research on it, I’m contemplating jumping to my death. Not because it’s the easy way out necessarily but because all I want it peace. I’m sick of this rat race, I’m sick of this country, I’m sick of not being good enough because I was dealt a shitty hand in life. I’m sick of seeing everyone have it so much easier. I know that struggling supposedly builds character but I just don’t have the guts to keep going. After 25 years of just existing I’m just over it. I don’t want to survive for another 50/60 years. I just want peace. If I get peace fantastic if I get a different life it’s got to be easier than this. I just feel done. Does anyone have any evidence of what happens in the after life? Would it hurt if I jumped? Would I feel it even a little bit or would I just be out like a light? Would I get a life review and a chance to see how life would’ve turned out if I stayed? If I’m suffering in this life, and say lack empathy for others, would I have empathy and love in the next life or at least be supplied with the tools I need to succeed in the next life? Even if I were to repeat this type of life again, I at least would hope in the next life to be equipped with the right tools to succeed, like loving parents for starters. You can only handle so much beating down before it gets too much. I’m in the process of writing my will and leaving my money and such to my best friend but I know that once I physically the will that’ll give me the license to die. But I just want to be prepared first. Thoughts?

I’m 34 and I’ve seen what life has to offer and it sucks. I’ll never be financially stable. I’ll always be dirt poor because I’m too sick to work and don’t come from money. I’ve been isolated for years since I left my ex. I live alone and every day is just a new crisis. I had to basically beg my power company to not shut off my utilities the other day because I was reading the bills wrong and I didn’t realize I owed so much money. I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep worrying about these constant crises. Like what am I even doing it for exactly? just so I can continue to suffer?

They say get help, and I am. I’m in an intensive outpatient treatment program right now with regular therapy, etc. I’ve been dealing with treatment resistant depression since I was twelve. Even if I did become financially stable, I would still be suffering with my disease.

Sometimes I don’t even feel real. Like today I tried to reason it away and say it’s because of the gloomy weather or not having the best sleep last night, but honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. It’s honestly embarrassing enough to make you want to end it.

Yes, a lot of people are extremely kind to me and are trying to support me. I know I am not alone. But that does not cure the disease.

I want it to be over.
I want to be free.

Hello, I am a person living in North Africa, specifically in Algeria. I was born into a conservative Islamic family and I am 19 years old. I suffer from very difficult social and personal circumstances. Living in a conservative Muslim society, while I am essentially a non-religious person, poses a arduous challenge for me.

No one knows that I am not a Muslim, and if I were to reveal that, I might face abandonment or threats, which could even reach the point of murder by my family or people neighboring me. Living with them means adhering to their Islamic rules, such as talking to girls or going out with them being portrayed as a sin or disgrace in my society. In addition, I am forced to go to the mosque and pray despite myself... Furthermore, I am poor and do not have a job despite my severe need for money in my university studies. I suffer from symptoms of severe depression and loss of passion, in addition to being afflicted with extreme obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I can no longer tolerate it, I want suicide, I did not choose to live like this, I just wanted to live as a human being.

I just want to commit suicide. So badly.

I’m just a waste of oxygen, waste of space, waste of human resources even.

If that wasn’t true then my parents would’ve cared when raising me. Now as an adult everything is somehow worser than what I thought it could get. Im lonely, I have nobody to talk to, I can’t get a boyfriend (as a non binary person), to save my own life, everybody wants me DEAD.

I so badly want to just kill myself, but cutting keeps me company. Cutting lets me feels when I used to feel; joy, peace, a physical presence of something being present, instead of the hollowness of my pathetic existence.

Nobody who cares exists. They all disappear and won’t want to be around people like us because we’re dehumanized all the time. Nobody has ever cared about what ive been through as an abused person.

I think I might end it soon. Might just walk out into traffic or something. My mom has told me twice that she doesn’t care about me anymore. She threatened to punch me in the face today and the other day she threatened to shoot me in the head. I just don’t see the point anymore. My own mother hates me. It’s devastating.

This isn't the life I pictured when I was younger.

Life isn't a fairytale after all. No damsel in distress, no Prince Charming coming to save you. Just you, trying to survive a life you never imagined would turn out this way.

I'm trying to be strong, but my facade is slowly crumbling. I keep asking myself, am I bad? Do I deserve all this? I don't know anymore. I'm barely holding on, and the rope I'm clinging to is slowly breaking.

I don't want to just survive. I want to live, too. But lately, even that feels impossible.

If you're reading this, I hope you're holding on better than I am. And if you're not, I hope we both make it through.

I’m feeling overwhelmed, if anyone can chat for a minute please.

I have been bullied most of my life and the two men I have dated both have called me ugly and said I am ugly without makeup. I genuinely cannot stand waking up everyday living in my body, I hope everyday that I get in some horrible accident and it melts off my face so I have an actual reason to be ugly. I hate myself so much, when I kill myself I will make sure that there is no evidence left of my face on my body. I will probably blow my brains out, so at my funeral no one will have to witness my hideousness. I always tried to cope but it’s getting to a point to where I can’t because being attractive is just becoming more and more important. I look at normal to pretty looking girls and I daydream everyday having their lives, my whole camera roll is filled with women I want to look like and it’s become an obsession. Nothing will ever change this and my ugliness isn’t due to something easily fixable like being fat or something like that. I will never be able to get surgery because im already extremely poor, so theres no point to even think that one day I will look how I want to look.

First post here so I apologize if I break rules. I just want to vent.

I feel useless in my family's lives. My boyfriend has said he hates how he gets made fun of because of me and his dad doesn't like me. I'm failing school. I have no job or car. I'm a disappointment to everyone around me. I don't see the point in really being here anymore. I'm 18 and I can see how someone would say "your life is just beginning" but I don't see that. It's a struggle waking up everyday. As soon as I wake up I already feel like killing myself. I do self harm but I haven't attempted yet. I feel it happening soon though. I even think about what I would say in the letters to my family and friends. It's honestly kind of scary.

Everything ive done for the past 5 years has been fake, none of it is me

I never cut up my left arm

I never fought wi the my brother or got kicked out of the house

I never posted those stupid lewd shit on the internet

Every social interaction, every thought or action, everything, its all not me.

Im just trapped in this pointless existence, sapped from any potential true meaning.

I just want it end.

I got unlucky, sure. This shit happened and now i dont exist. Why dont i deserve the luxury of ending it? Why must i slave away without any real potential for any meaning in my life?

I would give the world for someone to just shoot me in my sleep- do the work for me.

Im not even complaining about the fact i never got a chance to live my life, all im asking is to die, its not asking a lot.

I am at my limit. I have been trying to get IHSS from my county for literal months now, and they have been making it hell. I'm about ready to tell them that they can take their services and shove them because I have had it. If I keep fucking going around with them, I'm going to end up back in grippy sock vacation, and I can't afford that because my final is in a month and a week from today.

I'm also tired of the "distract yourself" coping mechanism because it only works for so long. I live in the States. There are school shootings on the daily, black people are being killed for sport, Native Americans are being targeted by ICE, people in the American concentration camps are being raped, and a whole bunch of other atrocities! I cast my ballot earlier in the week, and all I can do is hope, but I'm even losing that because I know the truth.

People don't wanna admit it, but the only way to fix any of the American shitshow is by revolting and building from square one, because this shithole of a country was built on racism and sex trafficking.

The only thing keeping me on this fuckass planet is the fact that I know that nobody will be there to care for my mom if I were to actually try anything. But I'm so fucking tired. If I didn’t have strep throat right now, I'd scream.

On October 31, the day of the celebration of impermanence I plan to take my life as the ultimate symbol. I feel so excited by it. I think I’ve done all I want to do besides get out of this psych ward. I’m not depressed anymore, quite the opposite really. I want to fulfill my purpose. It feels like there is something greater for me beyond this life. I don’t want my psychiatrist to know as last time she labeled my thoughts mania and psychosis. That isn’t what is happening now even if it may sound like it. I understand to the outside world it seems irrational. But I do not believe so. I really feel like something special rests beyond these walls, this life. I’ve been trapped for too long. Maybe I’ve been confined so much in this life as everyone knows I’m different. Ever since a teenager, I am not like others. I only finally understand this year my purpose. Everything is impermanent and I choose not to attach to myself or this life.

Here is a prayer
Deep within the still center of my being, may I find peace.
Silently within the quiet of the grove, may I share peace.
Gently within the greater circle of humankind, may I radiate peace.

Take care all and goodnight🪷

they bit me a ton when we had a sleepover then kept going after i told them to stop and were trying to break skin. I didn’t wanna hit them so i just let them and kept saying stop. idk anymore i just don’t know if ill ever find people who give a shit. i’m more fucked than ever. just why. i needed a good person in my life. i just needed someone to carrreee AND I GOT BIT. I CANT WHEN IS SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND ME GOING TO BE NORMAL. WHen is this hell going to end. I guess it’s funny cause this keeps happening to me AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND WHY CANT YOU FREAKS JUST WANNA LIKE JERK OFF OR SOMETHING. WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH EVERYONE I NEED A FUCKING BREAK but i also can’t just live alone and be a recluse BUT THEN YOU FUCKING BITE ME

it makes me sad to see so many lost souls like me. I have an apartment and nobody will check in on me.

I know this. I got my noose prepared and have made a few attempts at it already today. making adjustments.

I do not know what I am expecting writing this. Something else to do between laying down, sleeping and that noose+pull-up bar.

today I thought of taking the money I have and travelling to a place where I can easily acquire a drug or gun. If all else fails I will use my balcony.

If you know someone is struggling please be kind. My father was not.