Hello, I am a person living in North Africa, specifically in Algeria. I was born into a conservative Islamic family and I am 19 years old. I suffer from very difficult social and personal circumstances. Living in a conservative Muslim society, while I am essentially a non-religious person, poses a arduous challenge for me.

No one knows that I am not a Muslim, and if I were to reveal that, I might face abandonment or threats, which could even reach the point of murder by my family or people neighboring me. Living with them means adhering to their Islamic rules, such as talking to girls or going out with them being portrayed as a sin or disgrace in my society. In addition, I am forced to go to the mosque and pray despite myself... Furthermore, I am poor and do not have a job despite my severe need for money in my university studies. I suffer from symptoms of severe depression and loss of passion, in addition to being afflicted with extreme obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I can no longer tolerate it, I want suicide, I did not choose to live like this, I just wanted to live as a human being.

my birthday is coming soon I can't wait. I'm gonna be free 🎊🎉

Everyone and everything is insane. All of life is a bunch of lies and suffering. I dont understand how this is the reality we ended up with. There is no words to describe it. I dont know how I didnt do it earlier. This society is unlivable

I know thats vague as fuck but thats it. I aint got more to say

I hate my entire life and everyone I’ve ever met. No one has ever been there for me when I needed them, no one has ever been nice to me and I can honestly say I’ve never had a happy day in my entire life at 27M it’s completely over for me. I was robbed of my youth I have no real family no friends and a terrible job. At my job I don’t make any real money and I get treated like dirt by customers all day. I should just go back to cutting myself. I genuinely have nothing to look forward to. I can’t afford a car, I can’t afford clothes I can barely afford to live on top of still living with my father. My life is an embarrassment and a joke I can’t afford college and never went after high school. I have nothing but terrible memories in my head and a past where I was alone and failed by everyone around me and I don’t have any meaningful future ahead of me I’ll be alone forever, poor, uneducated, hate filled loser who’s never even had a girlfriend and no matter how hard I try fails at everything with noting to live for I’m dead already my body just hasn’t fallen over yet.

After failing to kms so many times in the past, I'm so tired. I just wish I could die in my sleep.

I’m really not, and never was, interested in living. I’m not interested in anything, not in achieving anything, working, or participating in life. I’m mentally disabled, and I hate existence and how fucked up and mysterious it is to even be here, yet people seem to go about their lives normally, as if being here is just a normal thing. Even if I had all the materialistic shit in the world, I wouldn’t be happy because my problem is with existence itself and the fact that, to end it, you have to experience physical pain. Like, fuck this.

CONTENT WARNING: suicide ideation, hopelessness and loads of negativity. Sorry gang 💔💔

Before we continue: no I don’t have plans to hurt myself. Sure ideation exists, but I that doesn’t mean imma act on it. Let a girl have her 1/4 life crisis 🙏🙏 (cant say midlife crisis bc im not even there yet lmao)

TL;DR: Life doesn’t appeal to me or seem worth it. I’m not doing anything that would improve my life because I’ll just off myself at some point because I can’t stand the idea continuing this life and growing old.

I (F22) am waking up 5 days of the week and putting 40 hours into a job I LOATHEEE. Hate the company and the people I work with. But everyone does that so I know that’s nothing special. I still live with my parents and I’m saving money. For what? Nothing in particular. My life is technically good. I mean- when considering other people’s lives, yeah I’d say I live a very privileged life. But I’m not happy. At all. Some would even describe me as miserable. Can’t say I’m happy to be awake or living.

I have no idea what I want to with my life. I should look for meaning, a purpose or something. But honestly.. life just doesn’t appeal to me.
- People, especially those with college degrees, are having trouble landing a good paying job

- Housing and renting are ridiculous expensive

- Generative A.I is rapidly expanding and data centers are being built

- The Earth is slowly dying, and the data centers are definitely not helping

- There’s a literacy crisis happening in the US (unless smth changes, the future generation is cooked)

- The US government is becoming unapologetically facist

- Multiple genocides that have been happening for DECADES

There’s a alot of shit in this world. But there are also some good things in life. Ig I’m choosing to see my cup as half empty. I shouldn’t hyper focus on the bad stuff, but I can’t just pretend that life is not heading towards are dark path and everything will be alright. I don’t think I was built for living or being human ngl 🤷‍♀️

I think the reason why I don’t try to get help or make any attempts to improve my life is because a part of me has accepted I’ll just kill myself eventually. I have no intentions of living past 35 or reaching middle age soo… yea I have that going for me. I can’t stand the idea of watching my body and mind deteriorate and having to be a burden on my family and friends. I REALLY hate the idea of growing old.

I also have no intentions of find a partner or having children. None of those things appeal to me as someone who enjoys my solitude. Unlike many, I can’t use that as a reason to keep going. The thought being a grandma?? NO THANKS.

Ig you can say I’ve given up on myself and use excuses that allow me to sink further into my misery. Ain’t nothing like self sabotage amirite?? 🤣🤣

So yea gang idk what to do from here 🤷‍♀️ kinda stick in limbo. It’s either I subject myself to this bleak existence or have the guts to off myself. But I can’t do that to my family so errrmmm. Yeah. Can’t subject them to more trauma.

I failed in this life and I’m sorry to my parents who brought a pathetic excuse of a human into existence.

I don’t have anyone now. I don’t have the motivation to go out or try and meet new people. I’ve lost all my friends including my childhood best friend of 15 years. It’s my fault.
The loneliness is driving me insane but not a single bone in my body wants to go out and talk to people.
All I’ve done for the past 4 years is go to and from work at my shitty part time job, then I get home and rot away in my room until my next shift. I don’t have the energy or mindset to break this loop.
No one’s life would change if I died tomorrow.

This isn't the life I pictured when I was younger.

Life isn't a fairytale after all. No damsel in distress, no Prince Charming coming to save you. Just you, trying to survive a life you never imagined would turn out this way.

I'm trying to be strong, but my facade is slowly crumbling. I keep asking myself, am I bad? Do I deserve all this? I don't know anymore. I'm barely holding on, and the rope I'm clinging to is slowly breaking.

I don't want to just survive. I want to live, too. But lately, even that feels impossible.

If you're reading this, I hope you're holding on better than I am. And if you're not, I hope we both make it through.

I am at my limit. I have been trying to get IHSS from my county for literal months now, and they have been making it hell. I'm about ready to tell them that they can take their services and shove them because I have had it. If I keep fucking going around with them, I'm going to end up back in grippy sock vacation, and I can't afford that because my final is in a month and a week from today.

I'm also tired of the "distract yourself" coping mechanism because it only works for so long. I live in the States. There are school shootings on the daily, black people are being killed for sport, Native Americans are being targeted by ICE, people in the American concentration camps are being raped, and a whole bunch of other atrocities! I cast my ballot earlier in the week, and all I can do is hope, but I'm even losing that because I know the truth.

People don't wanna admit it, but the only way to fix any of the American shitshow is by revolting and building from square one, because this shithole of a country was built on racism and sex trafficking.

The only thing keeping me on this fuckass planet is the fact that I know that nobody will be there to care for my mom if I were to actually try anything. But I'm so fucking tired. If I didn’t have strep throat right now, I'd scream.

Ever since Covid I have not been the same I’m in my 30s and moved back home to try and start my own company and really make a go at following my heart. I’ve worked in customer service my entire life and tried to change my situation so many times but could never get ahead. The worst part is I never made time to find someone and the older I got the harder it has become. So now I’m sitting on my couch in my child hood bedroom thinking about RJ Mitte and how I feel completely alone. All my friends don’t reach out and they never really did and even my own brother everyone is busy with their lives.

Now that I am back home it really put everything into perspective and I found myself creating again but with a different channel. I’ve built a company and I’m finally seeing some success but also it’s shown me those that never actually cared about me on a deeper level. I’ve always liked computers and music and something told me to leave it all behind and pursue this dream. At the same time I’ve never felt more alone and isolated now that I am back in my childhood room. I wish I knew why I feel this pain this extreme anger and sadness.

I guess I’ve realized that RJ Mitte he reminds me of myself and it breaks my heart because this world really is evil and something is wrong with how people are to each other now. We pretend like it’s ok but the truth is people are struggling and I can remember life before iPhones and this massive shift. It truly feels like those that are awake realize that collectively humanity has sold themselves to fulfill a void with technology. Nothing feels real anymore.

I hate living. The world sucks. My body sucks. I suck. I want to die.

As long as I’m alive I’ll forever be depressed I hate my parents for bringing me here I hate college I hate working I hate having to take care of myself I hate my body I hate talking to people I hate eating I hate waking up in the morning I hate myself I hate everyone overall I hate being human and the human experience

I'm turning 29 on Sunday, in few hours I'm supposed to meet my friends for dinner. I'm very tempted to cancel the whole thing, I don't want to be seen nor feel like there is any reason to celebrate.

I think today might be the last day of my life.

I've been depressed for over 14 years and that's a generous estimate based on the date of my first attempt since I don't remember most of my childhood or adolescence due to physical & mental abuse and such.

I've had ups and downs but since last autumn everything has been going downhill, every month is worse than the previous one. I can't work, I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything. I kept searching and begging for help but nothing ever brings me relief.

In February I was prescribed meds that made me violently suicidal, was then put on another antidepressants, then had the dose increased, then yet another antidepressants, in the meantime I was on a month-long medical leave from work. And so on, and so forth.

Nothing ever helps.

I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm lost and hopeless. I don't believe any "professional" will ever help me. I've been asked by psychiatrists and therapists if I had tried to kill myself for attention. I’ve been called oversensitive, pathetic, lazy, stupid, annoying. I’ve been told that I needed to get a grip, that I had an unfortunate personality, that I was doing “this” to myself.

I have made countless efforts to understand what “this” was, why “this” was happening and what I was doing wrong. I kept searching for answers while trying to hold off the desperate urge to scream at the top of my lungs.

I wanted to live. But there was no recovery. No healing. Only respite. One after another.

I was told so many times to hold on, to keep going, to keep fighting, to work harder, to never give up.

I'm so tired.

I wrote my letter in mid May. I've come up with a plan months ago. I've thought about it every single day for 230 days and couldn't tell anyone - if I confessed to a friend, I'd just traumatise them. If I confessed to a doctor, I'd be hospitalised and there is no one who would support me financially then anyway.

I'm in so much pain, please don't make me do this anymore.

//This is a burner account I've just made to let it out, I'm sorry. I've posted here once few months ago under a different username, then deleted but since then it's gotten so much worse.

Right?

I've been suffering with agonising pain/discomfort in my esophagus/chest for almost two years now. Every day I wake up to the pain, and it's been whittling me down day by day. I have a condition called EoE. It's awful that this is the sole reason I want to kill myself. Because I would really love to keep living, but it's just too much torture for me to go on like this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I’m 34 and I’ve seen what life has to offer and it sucks. I’ll never be financially stable. I’ll always be dirt poor because I’m too sick to work and don’t come from money. I’ve been isolated for years since I left my ex. I live alone and every day is just a new crisis. I had to basically beg my power company to not shut off my utilities the other day because I was reading the bills wrong and I didn’t realize I owed so much money. I just don’t have the bandwidth to keep worrying about these constant crises. Like what am I even doing it for exactly? just so I can continue to suffer?

They say get help, and I am. I’m in an intensive outpatient treatment program right now with regular therapy, etc. I’ve been dealing with treatment resistant depression since I was twelve. Even if I did become financially stable, I would still be suffering with my disease.

Sometimes I don’t even feel real. Like today I tried to reason it away and say it’s because of the gloomy weather or not having the best sleep last night, but honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of the stigma that comes with being mentally ill. It’s honestly embarrassing enough to make you want to end it.

Yes, a lot of people are extremely kind to me and are trying to support me. I know I am not alone. But that does not cure the disease.

I want it to be over.
I want to be free.

My friend killed himself, people try not to talk to me, especially women, i push everyone away and everybody thinks Im a weirdo for things I fine in the past, i don’t want to live anymore but I’m scared to kill myself, how do I get a gun?

I'm too tired and empty

I'm a coward, I just want to let myself fall but I'm scared, I hate myself, I hate myself, I'll get high and hang myself

I can't count on two hands anymore how many times I've gone around my bedroom looking for the best place to get it over with. I can't keep taking it. Two years ago I was convinced I would never get to this point. I don't know where it will end

I intentionally through my life away after having it all. Because I was miserable having it all so I was like what’s the point. Now that life’s even harder for me with a felony and I’ve done a lot research on it, I’m contemplating jumping to my death. Not because it’s the easy way out necessarily but because all I want it peace. I’m sick of this rat race, I’m sick of this country, I’m sick of not being good enough because I was dealt a shitty hand in life. I’m sick of seeing everyone have it so much easier. I know that struggling supposedly builds character but I just don’t have the guts to keep going. After 25 years of just existing I’m just over it. I don’t want to survive for another 50/60 years. I just want peace. If I get peace fantastic if I get a different life it’s got to be easier than this. I just feel done. Does anyone have any evidence of what happens in the after life? Would it hurt if I jumped? Would I feel it even a little bit or would I just be out like a light? Would I get a life review and a chance to see how life would’ve turned out if I stayed? If I’m suffering in this life, and say lack empathy for others, would I have empathy and love in the next life or at least be supplied with the tools I need to succeed in the next life? Even if I were to repeat this type of life again, I at least would hope in the next life to be equipped with the right tools to succeed, like loving parents for starters. You can only handle so much beating down before it gets too much. I’m in the process of writing my will and leaving my money and such to my best friend but I know that once I physically the will that’ll give me the license to die. But I just want to be prepared first. Thoughts?

it makes me sad to see so many lost souls like me. I have an apartment and nobody will check in on me.

I know this. I got my noose prepared and have made a few attempts at it already today. making adjustments.

I do not know what I am expecting writing this. Something else to do between laying down, sleeping and that noose+pull-up bar.

today I thought of taking the money I have and travelling to a place where I can easily acquire a drug or gun. If all else fails I will use my balcony.

If you know someone is struggling please be kind. My father was not.

I don’t know why I bother with this world. Im extremely lonely, I don’t have any friends, I never got to be a relationship even as an adult now, my parents still hate and don’t accept me for who I am. I dont understand why I was born if my parents were never going to care about me or even acknowledge how horrible my mental health has always been.

Maybe I should just die at this point. Im literally a waste of oxygen, but instead I just stare at the walls. Maybe it’s just a comfort than thinking about how meaningless life has always been for me.

The world is better off without me.

I’m incompetent, I have no idea how to do anything in society, since a child after school I have always stayed in my room bedrotting watching YouTube, I’ve never gone out anywhere with friends, I have no experience with the real world I’m too scared to even buy something from the store because I’m probably too dumb to be even able to do it and I’m too old now (I’m 17) to be trying to learn such simple things.

I hate everything and myself and life, but at the same time I don’t care about anything enough to do something new that’s not just bedrotting, I have no sense of self I can’t tell if I have a personality I just mirror others, I can’t remember stuff that happened a day ago and I’m also too lazy to even try and think, I have panic attacks everyday as a consequence of some spiritual stuff I got into, I can’t even be on a bus without getting them combined with my already present extreme social anxiety and embarrassment about how pathetic I am.

I don’t care about university yet also feel fear losing out on a potential ‘future‘ if I don’t go for some reason, I just do whatever others tell me or whatever my mind tells me others want me to do, I experience sexual attraction but won’t have a relationship, I feel physically sick constantly as well as worries about developing psychosis given family history of it and my mind feeling weird, I am probably going to develop some kind of significant health condition in the future because of my lifestyle and if I had the balls to go outside of my home and had confidence I’d probably turn into a drug addict or go to jail for other reasons.

Im not even a good person either, heavily reduced empathy, very selfish and self absorbed, not confident, not charismatic, doesn’t do anything interesting, constantly scared of everything, lazy, I genuinely have no value, not a good son not a good brother and I don’t even care much for my own family. I can’t even be bothered to kill myself because I’m too much of a pussy and I’m too lazy to somehow get a gun, though if I did have a gun right next to me I actually think I would’ve had it in me to end it, my first and only accomplishment in life.