I am spiralling. I saw the notification on his phone when the woman sent him kisses. I was frozen. He owned up to it. He said our marriage has lost his spark. He didn't bother to communicate that with me. What about our 2 year old son. Later I called one of his friends from his office. We live in the same society. He told me this has been going on for months. The girl was divorced and had slept with half the married guys in the office. And my husband says they were both in love. They sit like lovers in the office. He said she came on to him and my husband did not resist. They made out publicly at an office party. His friend didn't tell me as he thought it would blow over in a few weeks but my husband is having a full on affair with her. He goes to her place when I go to work as he's working from home half the week.

I want to leave him. My kid doesn't deserve this man

My boyfriend broke up with me and disappeared without even checking up on me after getting me pregnant. I was left crying, feeling abandoned and dehumanised by someone I still love. He claims he had his own shit to deal with, but the more I reflect on everything, the more insulted I feel by how easily he discarded me when I needed basic care and compassion.

He repeatedly ejaculated jn me and I had to take ipills.

What I cannot wrap my head around is how a man can need his female friend's approval to decide whether he should call the woman he got pregnant. Since when does showing basic human decency to your own partner require a committee's permission?

These friendships became so important to him after they dined at his house, drank his wine, and attended a couple of functions together. Suddenly, he discovered the joys of friendship and started treating the opinions of these relatively new people as though they mattered more than the relationship he had built with someone who had consistently been there for him.

The female friend may have influenced him, but he is ultimately responsible for being so spineless that he outsourced his judgment to people who barely know the full story of our relationship. He seems so willing to attach himself to whoever makes him feel validated and strokes his ego that he forgot the person who stood by him long before these friendships became so important.

I still love him, which makes this even more painful. I cannot understand how someone who once treated me so sweetly could disappear when I needed him most. Perhaps these friends will one day not stay in his life and he will realise what he lost. He is the supposedly chill, sweet, and resourceful guy everyone enjoys having around objectively but anyone would like that. Friendships in essence are never demanding or require your best, they need little effort and they fade away just as quickly when life progresses.

Hey Reddit, I really need some advice on what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for 9 months now. he told me that he is getting bored with the distance. He literally said, "If you don't meet me soon, I will find someone else because I can't do this anymore."

I want to clear something up: it’s not that I didn't want to meet him. I really wanted to meet him! But the way he suddenly reacted and gave me that ultimatum completely broke my heart. I am feeling incredibly sad right now. I just didn't know how to handle it anymore, so I decided to break up with him. In fact, I have already broken up with him and blocked him everywhere.

I am completely lost and heartbroken. I don't know what to do or how to handle this. How should I respond to this kind of ultimatum?

We have been dating for 2.5 years, have lived together earlier and the relationship has been wonderful tor the most part.

The problem is her family has a lot more money than my family which is causing issues in us getting married. We both have good jobs and i personally don’t care about her parents wealth. I have even told her I can live with the fact that she had to go with her parents choice and end the relationship amicably because I anyways dont like her family at all. Her mom is rude, pretentious and self obsessed. I don’t wanna be a part of that family as much as i love my girlfriend.

My girlfriend however is not able to let go off me nor is she able to live with the idea that her parents are upset with her . This is ruining her mental health, she is throwing stuff, not able to sleep and a plethora of other issues that come with this type of stress.

Meanwhile I’m just feeling trapped with her talking like she is only alive because of me, she constantly says if i leave her she will kill herself and what not. She isn’t like this but this tussle in her head between me and her family is ruining her and i personally don’t want to be a part of this drama anymore: what should i even do?

I’m a 29M, married, and curious about people’s experiences in long-term relationships.
For those who are married or in committed relationships, have you ever kept a major secret from your husband, wife, or partner? It could be something from your past, a personal decision, a mistake, or something you’ve never felt comfortable discussing.
If you’re comfortable sharing, what happened, why did you keep it a secret, and how has it affected your relationship?
I’m interested in understanding different perspectives, not judging anyone.

Hi, My boyfriend and I are in a relationship since last 15 months . Ofcourse, in the starting everything was wonderful. For context, he had a crush on me before. During that period he did everything he could for me all the small things all the efforts just everything. However, since we started this relationship, we have been facing some issues.
Before coming to the issues, I would like you guys to know that I grew up in a family where I had an absent father, he was never behind to make my childhood as traumatic as possible. I don’t want to go into details but he was avoidant, angry,drunk,absent- just because he never wanted a daughter but a son.

In my relationship, my boyfriend’s behaviour was nice to me in the beginning,but now..his behaviour reminds me of my father..he leaves me when I’m crying alone,he screams at me,calls me dumb,expects me to do most of the things ,even for my own birthday- he expected me to book the cafe ,where ‘he’ wanted to go to, he leaves when I need him the most. My emotional stability is at stake these days.Just so much.

I love him, alot. I never thought he’ll be like this to me…treating me like nothing. No I can’t leave, I’m attached . I did everything I could for him just everything..I showed him my body whenever he wanted to see..I just did everything..still I deserve that kind of treatment from him..I am heavily depressed..but I can’t leave.

What to do .? Am I stuck .?

I m worried about his wellbeing. He told me his family takes away his electronics. Last week we had a horrible fight, the worst ever. we both said really awful things to eachother. we were then okay, playing games and decided on a break so playing games and having fun but... last night... i asked him if he fulfilled his promise.... he didnt. i was angry he always broke it for 6 months continously but he was visiting his parents and i broke up with him and blocked him on whatsapp. I emailed him, whenever we fight we email eachother ... i asked him if he is ok and he hasnt responded. His family knows we have been fighting for months.

I try not to cry or tell my family anything but he cries a lot and he told me his family blames me despite having context its natural for them to be bias and so the last week fight was really bad. really really bad. i exploded. he said hurtful things i said it back. i didnt want to disturb my neighbours so he would talk on call and i would text... when i look back. it looks so horrible. I m scared what if his parents are angry with him. He never ghosts me. But... i scared. i would rather we never talk then me being left worried if he is okay or not.

We have been fighting for months about his emotional cheating and broken promises. We had quite a on and off relationship. This is not like him.

I (23F) have a very loving boyfriend (24M). He is the sweetest, nice and the best bf ever. Very supportive and I'm really happy with him. We have great understanding and can communicate about everything but I'm not sure how to say this to him without hurting his feelings.

So, I am a bit curvy (not fat) and my bf is mostly slim apart from having a tummy (it's not small, it's quite visible tbh).. when we started dating and got into a relationship almost an yr ago, the tummy fat didn't bother me at all because he used to eat very healthy and try to reduce it and I didn't mind it at all.

But in the past few months, he has put on weight. I really dk why but it is starting to bother me. I do know, how superficial I'm sounding atp, but I genuinely want him to put efforts into taking care of himself... He's not eating healthy anymore (he has home cooked meals but too much rice/roti and very less protein and fiber) and is not working out at all. Mostly it's because he has a huge commitment going on and he's travelling almost every other week for it, but I want him to prioritise himself and take care of himself too. I want him to look his best, and I'm ngl but the extra weight is bothering me a lot.

I have tried to tell him how I feel indirectly. I'm just very bad at sugarcoating things and communicating in a way, wherein the other person understands but they are not hurt. I'm just too straightforward and say things as they are so it's been really tough to navigate through this situation. We also tried to take up a challenge in September, wherein if he loses 4kg in the next three months, I'd buy him whatever he wanted and vice versa (for context, I go to the gym regularly and try my best to eat healthy). But, that didn't happen because of the other work, in fact he ended up gaining weight (approx 2 kg).

How do I tell him that it's bothering me and I want him to work on himself and just take care of himself no matter what... I'm trying to push him to not give up on that challenge even now and try to aim and reduce 2 kg by the end of Nov at least. He said he'll try, but I think if it's bothering my attraction towards him and he's not aware of it, he needs to know and he can then decide for himself what to do about it..

I have tried to take him to the gym with me for a long time, but he completely left it 4 months back. I am still going to the gym regularly, I keep asking him if he wants to go/come with me for a walk (because he loves it), but he doesn't want to do that and we don't live together for me to help with cooking. But he himself mentions that he wants to lose the weight and wants to do something about it but he's not able to stick to stuff. I just told him that, he still has time and a lot going on, he can take it slow, start one by one, etc..

Obviously I wouldn't dump this on him when he has stuff going on 😭.. I am actually supporting him and I love him a lot no matter what, but I don't want my attraction to get affected and I do want him to know this because it's a huge deal that it's been bothering me for such a long time. Also he would feel bad that I never mentioned it because he wants me to be open about what I feel and if something is affecting me.

My Ex-Girlfriend suddenly ghosted me after 3 years of dating around 4 months ago. At that time, I was going through a loss of a parent and grandparent so I didn't even have the energy to chase her. I just... accepted it. A common friend asked her why she did so and she replied with "Eh, I lost feelings for him". I maintained strict no contact during these 4 months. However, she once drunk texted me 2 months ago, to which I just asked if she's safe, she replied yes, and the conversation ended there. Post that, she proceeded to block me from everywhere. Over the next 2 months, she has been repeatedly blocking-unblocking-blocking me over Instagram. I don't look actively, but I only used to talk to her on Instagram, so I can see when the DMs appear and when they disappear again. Therefore, just wanted to ask women here, that why would she be doing this blocking-unblocking-blocking drama? (Also before you all ask me to move on, I've been trying. Gym, work, infact got 2 promotions in 4 months, clean diet, got back into guitar. However, I'm unfortunately a dumb lover boy and after whatever she did, I still love her. So I just wanted to ask what all this means, as I never got closure, I think a woman might understand what she's trying to do).

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He called me downstairs from my hostel for a walk and smoke then I was like I'll order pizza which we did. I was obviously expecting to spend some time together especially after not seeing each other for a long while cuz of schedules.

After smoking he leaves with his friend to get alcohol while the food is on the way then. I obviously called him over to eat and he brought his friend with him and wanted the three of us to have it outside sitting on the sidewalk literally in front of the hostel then he left to drink with his friend. I didn't bother saying shi cuz imma seriously leave the guy after this

To make it worse, it's not like me and this friend of his talk much either, he's just an awkward guy and mostly just stands awkwardly

Now he's texting me asking what's wrong as if it isn't obvious. I'm leaving this guy first thing tomorrow istg

I loved based on matching morals, religious beliefs and political inclination and thought that was it, that's all you need to be compatible right? I was wrong. We weren't each other's types and knew this right away but classified this as "opposites attract", one bringing the element of fun while other helping both stay grounded in the relationship is the convention we thought we'd fall in.

By types I mean the way of living you wish to continue, like I am a teetotaller and don't want to date someone who drinks/smokes a lot while on the other hand he wished to explore alcohol, cigs, vapes, weed and I don't know what as that was his definition of living "the college life". I don't want to criticise him or the likes of him, these were just my boundaries that I wanted to keep with someone who I'd desire a future with but for him I overstepped my own boundaries for a while and then decided to leave. And to stop us from breaking apart, he left all this.

He too "settled" for a boring woman like me, who doesn't go out, celebrate significantly, party or even have a good chunk of friends. I don't game, all I do is study, vibe to some music and read, do my chores and sleep. He settled for me in search of some stability, a friend whom he could approach any time, any day for anything.

He left drinking/smoking for me or atleast appeared like that but the story uptil now makes sense right? Since all I could offer him is the feeling of "settling", "boring" and "stable" he went out to seek some interest in other people, those who could make his life feel charged again, play with him for long long hours, go out and have same interests as him.

Our future together would be regarding each other as a pain in ahh, nice that we broke up finally but I just want to share certain posts here so yk right away where you're approaching the wrong kinda partner. We could've stopped this mess couple of years ago, only if we dared to approach and accept us begin very different fundamentally but desperations leads you to wither away in hormones.

Okay, genuine question for the women here, because I've been observing this for a while and I'm genuinely curious. 😭

I'm 28, and I was in a serious relationship a few years ago. Back when I was in that relationship, I noticed something interesting. Some of my girlfriend's friends, women I knew, and even random women seemed to find me attractive. Some would call me adorable, some would be unusually friendly, and a few genuinely seemed interested in me.

And there I was, thinking I had some unimaginable aura that made women go crazy. 😭😂

Fast forward a few years. The relationship ended, I took my time to heal, moved on, and eventually decided to give dating another shot.

And suddenly, WHERE DID EVERYONE GO? 💀

It's like whatever magical aura I thought I had disappeared the moment I became single.

At first, I thought maybe it was just me. But then I started noticing similar things in my friend circles, office, and other social situations.

I've seen guys who barely received any romantic attention while single suddenly seem more attractive to women once they get into a relationship or get married.

And it doesn't necessarily seem to be about looks, physique, or money.

So that got me thinking.

Is there some kind of psychological reason behind this?

Like, when a woman sees a guy who's already in a relationship, does she subconsciously think, "Okay, another woman has chosen him, so he must have something good about him"?

Does being in a relationship make a man seem more trustworthy, emotionally mature, or desirable?

Or is it simply that men in happy relationships behave differently? Maybe they're more confident, relaxed, and less desperate for attention, which naturally makes them more attractive.

I'm not saying every woman does this, or that being friendly automatically means someone is romantically interested. These are just patterns I think I've noticed, and I could be completely wrong.

I genuinely enjoy observing human behaviour, and this particular thing has been confusing me for years.

So, women of Reddit, have you ever found a guy more attractive after discovering he was already taken? If yes, what exactly made him more attractive?

And guys, have you experienced anything similar, or am I just imagining that I used to have some legendary aura? 😭😂

24F I used to worry about being chubby. Even my bf made some statements that made me insecure. But I have changed now. I no longer feel insecure. I am not worried anymore. I am not trying to lose weight too. I am happy with my curves and looks. I know the value and appreciation I receive. Thanks for all those kind hearted and soft eyed people.

Yknow I had a gf she is 17f and im 19m (india)...

and after 4 years she left me suddenly cause of job and her mom said so

...it was like i was fighting with my paretnts as my parents were nt ready i fought and they becacme ready and one day all of sudden she was talking to me normally and then said(my mom is calling wait)...then in a split second wrote that i cannot stay in relationship and blocked me.4 years

and she made a descicion to leave me in just a minute..

now she met me at function after 4 months and said that she wants to be in relationship again with me and will tell her mom now will not to do job..

.I said no to her Tommorow it was one of the hard descision cause I though leaving once is also a very hard descision she made and she should've known consequence...

now I'm seeing other girls for rishta and they are bad...not my type or not that attractive...now I'm feeling and having second thoughts

pls pls pls pls read and advice

So me and my bf knew each other since 16yrs old, and got together when we were 21, before that i didnt like him, only distant friends. but after 6 months of relationship we started living together. from the moment I have lived with him I have never seen him work, for the entire year we were together he never picked up his books while I was doing my masters. He used to call over his friends and we would have fights about this everyday and we lived in 2bhk and he would say 'Why don't you just go into the next room and study?'

then i sent him back home and said i dont wanna live with you anymore because your laziness is affecting me badly.

now when he went back home he still didnt study. for more context before meeting me he was living at home, doing bachelors from a dummy college in his hometown whilst preparing for upsc, but idk how much he studied because he only gave one attempt right after finishing bachelors and did not even check the result [which comes an entire year later]. then recently he started preparing for another exam which i am prepping for too and i asked him how much did you complete the syllabus he will just shut down and not answer my question and say he is not in the mood for a quiz.

througout these entire 4 years we have had fights on this and he just shuts down and keeps listening to me rant but neither answers nor denies, just says I will, I will.

this time i told him enough is enough i wanna break up because I dont respect you anymore, then he said no give me one last chance i will work hard now, I have realised how much I have pained you. I will get my shit together and all that shbang, he begged me a lot, gave me lots of money to please me and basically keeps begging me to not leave him.

but idk i feel kinda repulsed? like i cannot imagine kissing him now, and i am someone who kisses like 1000 times a day, i cant breathe without constantly kissing my partner. ofc i have lost all respect, but even attraction and feeling secure, feeling like i can rely on him.

and for the reason why i was with him for this long is that ik he will never ever ever cheat on me, he has very high morals. he is not like other guys ready to get in relationship with any girl, one of my friends [back when we were 16] tried hitting on him and dating him, he did not accept and said i only see you as a friend [she was hot ngl], he is someone whom all girls feel safe with. very genuine, he always spent his last penny on me, always emotionally available, very generous, in fact I am sc category and he is jaat and he is not at all castiest which i am mentioning because his family is somewhat castiest. i got to know he is jaat after we got together, despite being friends for 5 years because he never said something about it. he is also from a well off family but he never ever showed off which again is worth mentioning because his sibling is a big show off. all in all he is like great guy any girl would be happy to be with except the work ethic part. he also does chores [although i had to tell him to do it most of the times] and has never ever shouted at me, very patient.

like i am ambitious person, i feel like the first year i lived with him really dragged me down in my academics [he would sleep all day when i would come back from college then he would wake up] all time his friends would be over our place and basically all my memories of him during our live in is him laying down on the bed [either playing games, watching something, or hanging out with friends, but always on the bed] and i am childfree and so is he so i am just dreading what the future will be like [because we will have a lot of time to ourselves] despite him being so great i feel so conflicted idk what to do.

please any other doubt ask me, i am so so conflicted, pls advice.

So I’m kind of seeing this guy and in a talking stage with him. We both like each other but not really sure about dating. We had a small kiss we met last time. Now we are gonna go out today for dinner. I’ve my owner coming tonight/tomorrow morning and I want to dodge him. I asked him if I can sleep at his place which he agreed to. Now my concern is will he be taking this as a sign that I’m giving him a signal or something for something more intimate and physical than last time since we’re sleeping together.

I dont have any such thought but need to know what he must be thinking from a guy’s pov.

Like the title says, I'm not exactly sure if I'm overthinking about this one incident. My boyfriend and I have only been together for 2.5 months but we have known each other since 1st year. We're in the same batch and also live in the same building on the same floor. Before this I was with another guy from our same batch for a year and I broke up with him around may. I will give context about other things at the end of this post, right now I want to get into a certain incident from last week.

He had asked me to go shopping with him on the previous day to snitch and I had said yes. There is a snitch store in our area that is within 1 km of our building so I assumed that one. The next morning when he called me and said that actually he has already been to that one and he wants to go to another store in a mall that is more than 10 km away. I said no. That was the whole reason of the fight.

Why did I say no? I didn't feel like going that far. Could I have agreed? Yes, but the fact of the matter is that at that time I said no. Then what did he do?

Immediately started shouting at me on the phone. Said a few things he has already said many times before. You're ashamed of me that's why you don't want to go out. You used to go out all the time with him. Why do you treat me like this.

Now a little bit of background. Just a few days before this we had a big fight about something else that I don't remember but he shouted at me and said a lot of random hurtful things. After he cooled down and I had already cried an ocean's worth of tears, he accepted that he said too much and he shouldn't have burst out on me and I made him promise that next time when he's angry he'll take a moment to cool down.

So when he started shouting at me on the phone I cut the call without saying anything and put my phone on airplane mode because he has a habit of calling again and again until I pick it up. Then I got out of the bed and went to the washroom (it was 11am on a holiday and I hadn't completely woken up). It didn't take even 1 whole minute till he was at the door of my room knocking aggressively. I tried to ignore it at first because I knew he'd be blind with anger and I didn't want to get yelled at. I went to the balcony and sat there for a while and he kept knocking. For 5 whole minutes. Finally I thought I'll open the gate a little bit and listen to what he's saying.

In hindsight I should have just removed my phone from airplane mode and talked on the phone. But I opened the gate slightly. He looked livid and pushed it. Literally getting flashbacks of how his face looked in that moment and it scares me even now. I pushed back not wanting him to come inside because of how angry he looked but he forced against it and came inside. He locked it. He started shouting that you want to treat me like a dog. You want to do my beizzati in front of your flatmate. I ran to the balcony and tried to close the balcony door from outside but there was no kundi so he came in the balcony and grabbed my arm very hard and dragged me inside. I said don't do this in public, what are you doing. He pulled me and closed the balcony door. I told him to not touch me. He grabbed both my arms very hard and forced me to sit on the bed and came very close to me restraining me from standing up. He shouted at me that where was this agreement that you're going to treat me like this. I tried to get up many times but he pushed me and restrained me from moving. My arms were hurting. I said I want to go out. He shouted at me. I told him to leave my room. Stop touching me. He said why will you let me touch you, you like it when he touches you na. Which places does he touch you. I screamed at him to leave my room and he moved back and said you can go out with that kutta wherever you want. That's what you want na. He grabbed my arms so hard it was hurting. He grabbed my phone and said I will block myself from your phone. I told him you can't touch my phone. I tried to take it back and took it. I pushed him out of the door and he pushed back from outside not letting me close it. He forced his hand inside. And I pushed so hard the door closed right on his fingers. He screamed and took his hand. I closed the door but it just won't lock. I stood there trying to lock it for a while. I heard him leave the flat. Eventually I fell down crying and sat with my back against the door because it was not locking and I was terrified he'd come back. I just couldn't stop crying.

Now I have put a heavy bookshelf against the door so he can't force his way in.

For a while I couldn't stop crying. I was aware of the fact that I was just crying non stop but mentally I was numb I think just my body was reacting to this by crying. When he went to his room he immediately started texting me. He said thank you for hurting me very well, you have broken my finger. I'm in a lot of pain and there is no agreement that you will take care of me. And something else and then it's better to die than to be with a girl like you.

A few minutes after this I calmed myself and called my flatmate to tell her what happened but even before saying anything I started crying again and couldn't get the words out coherently. Somehow I told her. I was not sure what happened was physical violence or not. I told her i have red marks of his fingers on my arms because of how tightly he held me. She asked me if I'm okay, if I need anything, should she come to my room and I said no don't come and she talked on the phone with me for a few minutes till I calmed down. Then I put it down and idk why but opened his chat and texted him you hit me. Then he started calling me. And he called me many times initially I was not picking them but I got scared that if I don't pick it up he'll come again so I picked it and he was crying and saying no I have not hit you I'm not that kind of a guy, I'm not that kind of a boy, and he was literally crying. He said he only held me because I was not listening to him and he wanted to make me listen to him and I don't remember this conversation fully but initially he was not believing that he hurt me. Then maybe when his anger went down he might have remembered the whole thing and realised it. He was very apologetic he was crying on the phone and saying he's sorry. And I was sobbing so much I couldn't even think or say anything. I sent him a screenshot of a Google search that said pushing, grabbing, restraining, holding down and dragging someone is also included in domestic violence. And he was very apologetic and throughout the rest of the day he said many times to let him come to my room or come to his room so he could apologise to me. Even though I said many times no I don't want that.

Now some context

In my previous relationship I used to be a lot more outgoing compared to now, and that is one of the main reasons that he fights with me and he thinks I don't go out with him because I'm ashamed of him but that's not true. He also has a lot of insecurity about my ex and no matter how much I try to explain to him that there's no reason to worry, he still fights with me. He brings his name randomly into unrelated matters. If I have a normal interaction with him in a social situation, my boyfriend fights with me at home. He knows he has anger issues, and whenever he shouts at me it's like mental torture and I end up crying for hours. He always says that the only problem I have with you and the only reason I fight is your ex. And if you don't do the thing I hate the most then I won't fight, but the truth is that even when I have no interaction with my ex, he still finds a reason to fight by comparing how I was back then to now.

Since our flats are close to each other, we end up spending most of the time together. Other than college, we spend 12-16 hours in each other's rooms. All my friends, including my flatmate are his friends first and more loyal to him. I don't want to tell anyone about this particular incident and I don't think they'd have an unbiased opinion anyway that's why I'm posting here. I want to know if that incident was him using his physical force on me or not because now I'm not so sure.

I [25M] and my partner [25F] are currently in a committed long-term relationship for 6 years now (college sweethearts). It's the first and only relationship we both have been in. We both are financially stable and can support each other's family to an extent. The eventual goal of our relationship is to get married. Her side of the family knows about our relationship and they are ok with us being together. (I have not met her parents formally to discuss us being together, but I know them and have met them a few times).

First, a little context about my partner. She is an emotionally sensitive person. Whenever I bring up anything that's not going right in the relationship to communicate and resolve things, she tends to get very emotional and starts crying. It takes her time to get a hold on herself, for which I try to be understanding and give her time. Then later we pick up where we let off and try to resolve whatever the problem is. We usually reach a conclusion and try to abide by the solution. But this is very exhausting every time some problem comes up, because first I need to help her process everything, and then I need to speak very carefully so she doesn't take anything personally and start crying again.

1st problem: I am usually the one who speaks less. But whenever I would like to share something or am going through something, I feel she is almost performing when responding and that she is not listening properly. E.g., using the same repetitive statements regardless of the problem, or trying really hard to respond as if she was thinking about something else or doing something else while I was sharing. She also has a constant habit of zoning out mid-conversation; we have talked about this over and over, but nothing has improved.

(PS: We usually speak on phone calls, but we live in the same city).

Because of this, whenever I am dealing with tough situations, I usually feel alone. A lot of times I deliberately pull myself back from sharing things with her because I don't want to feel less valued. There are times I felt the need to be with her and felt better after spending time together, but it's very uncertain. I don't know when I can rely on her and when I can't, which is exhausting when I am really worried or anxious.

2nd problem: She frequently stays in debt and doesn't look after her health. I personally cleared her loan worth in double digits. After discussing that she won't take more loans, she is still in debt; she has kept it a secret, but I know it (apart from this very poor in handling her money). Knowing this, I find it challenging to navigate how much I can rely on her with our future versus carrying this weight alone.

I need advice on:

1. Keeping all these problems in mind, I find myself weighing the dynamics of keeping effort into this so we can work it out versus parting ways. Personally I want to work it out because she is really kind, loyal, and we had good time together these 6 years apart from the problems we have, but I am in a dilemma regarding how difficult this might be for her to manage and what pressure it might create to change, especially since she is not the type who typically agrees to a separation.

a) Methods for talking to her about the actual problems to resolve them without triggering the emotional cycle.

b) Approaches for discussing separation with her, given how emotional she gets if it comes to that point.

1. The Maturity & Conversational Gap: I think there is a difference in maturity level between us. When we are discussing something, she is not able to meet me where I am because she isn't as knowledgeable when it comes to stuff about the world, politic$, literature, art, etc. (she is a bit naive when it comes to worldly matters), so I usually lose her mid-conversation. I try to be patient and explain things calmly, and then she usually gets some of it. But I find myself contemplating how to view long-term compatibility regarding intellectual engagement versus accepting partners as they are, and how others think about this type of conversational gap to reach clarity.

TL;DR: After 6 years together, my partner [25F] and I [25M] are facing major hurdles: severe communication breakdowns where she gets overly emotional or zones out when I need support, a breach of trust regarding secret debt after I previously bailed her out, and an intellectual gap in our conversations. I need advice on whether to stay or separate, how to talk through these core problems without triggering an emotional meltdown, and how to approach the topic of separation if it comes to that.

Backstory

My girlfriend's mother passed away from a stroke six days ago. She has been through a lot, and now she feels she's lost everything. She says she still loves me but can't handle a relationship anymore. She wants to escape her family situation and feels she has to obey them rather than pursue her own wishes.

She's withdrawn from everyone, and I've decided to give her space. I've told her we can discuss our relationship when things settle down. I'm also in touch with a trusted cousin to make sure she's safe.

For those who've experienced something similar:

- Can someone still love you but feel forced to give up the relationship?

- Have you ever found your way back to someone after a situation like this?

- How do you support someone you love without pressuring them or losing yourself in the process?

I'm looking for honest perspectives from people who've lived through something similar, not false hope or guarantees.

32F We are a heterosexual couple. Still unmarried. Just committed.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but I genuinely don’t feel sexually attracted to my partner anymore. We have been together +5 years, and more if we count us being acquaintances but stayed in touch.

I live in the same city as him, barely 4 km away. We meet every day and even go to the gym together. We spend so much time together, but there’s no sex anymore. He does initiate, but my body just repulses it. I feel irritated when he touches me, and I have absolutely no desire to take things further.

He has hurt me, disappointed me, and let me down so many times that something in me seems to have changed. It’s not even about being angry at him in the moment. It’s like all the feelings I once had for him have slowly died, and I don’t know how to explain it.

Now, even when he touches me, instead of feeling good or wanting to be close to him, I feel irritated. Sometimes, it genuinely pisses me off. I don’t want his touch, I don’t crave intimacy with him, and I don’t feel that desire I once had.
He didn’t marry me when I wanted us to get married about 1-2 years back, and I think that disappointment has stayed with me. There are many more. I recently shifted to his city. But before that, he never made plans to see me. Only when I travelled to his city, we’d see each other.

He doesn’t plan anything on his own or take the initiative to do things without being told. It’s like he keeps his brain completely shut off and only does things when I specifically ask him to. Even then, he doesn’t do everything. He delays things, puts them off, or does them whenever he feels like it, taking his own sweet time. I’m tired of having to think of everything, ask for everything, and then wait for him to do the bare minimum.

At this point, I’ve promised myself that I will not marry him. I know that might sound harsh, especially because he has helped me and my family financially a lot, and I genuinely acknowledge that. I’m grateful for what he has done for us. But outside of financial support, I feel like he contributes very little to the relationship in terms of initiative, effort, emotional support, and taking responsibility without being asked.
I sometimes wonder whether this is resentment, emotional exhaustion, or whether I’ve simply fallen out of love with him. It feels like every disappointment, every hurtful experience, and every time I’ve had to ask for things that I wish he would do willingly has taken something away from my feelings for him.
And now, even when he tries to be affectionate, my body just doesn’t respond the way it used to. His touch irritates me instead of making me feel loved or desired.

Is it normal?

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my bf tried lost interest in his ex gf and tried to break up with her, but she kinda convinced him to stay. he is kinda sly and not a brave person so he just stayed for a few months. he finally broke up with her when he met me coz apparently he saw potential in us in similar interests and world views. He hid about their relationship and break up from for first 2-3 months so i never got to put a boundary. When he finally confessed, he was willing to cut her off. I was already too attached so I couldn't break up with him at that point. he is a good person outside of this. he has been friends with her ever since their break up., but they didn't use to be very close. we hit a rough patch after 3 to 4 months of dating and have been on and off since then for 5-6 months. during that time, they became closer as friends again, but now we are back together completely and it's been over a month.

they are closer than before. they have a dynamic where she calls him names (like pig, idiot, etc.) and uses terms that are reserved for very close people in our native language. they developed this dynamic when they were dating, and i don't like that she still does it. they go to the same college, but i don't. they attend classes together, eat together, and often hang out just the two of them (since he doesn't have other friends, for valid reasons). i agreed to them being friends because he has adhd and she helps him with college related things that i can't access or help with, so i didn't want him to lose that support. however, it still hurts me deeply when he lets her call him whatever she wants, acts subservient around her, and sometimes ends calls with me just because she is texting him. He doesn't like her romantically but he is still very impulsive. I told him not to go out with her but he still took her out secretly because he didn't have any other company. i asked him not to be so close with her, but he never actually enforces those boundaries. i get that it's okay to be friends with their exes but my bf primarily functions on spark, messes up and regrets later. he simply doesn't know how to be considerate in stuff like this. ik fs that they don't like each other romantically,atleast as of now but they have some level of codependency between them, which makes my bf prioritise her in ways i am not okay with. i don't know if it's okay to get so hurt about it. i finally asked him to cut her off then he realised how actually dependant he is on her and said he can't do that until his college ends. he is my first bf and everything we had means a lot to me.

i understand that there are multiple things he is wrong in but idk if I am better off without him. if i should just let them be and be with him until he likes her one day because i just find it really really hard to break up with him given he is my first bf (my parents are very abusive too) so he is the only person who was so loving to me and understood me so well

Hey everyone. I’m 25F, and my boyfriend is 27M. We’ve been together long enough to know each other well, and we’re both serious about this relationship and have made it clear that we see ourselves getting married.
I love him a lot. This is my first time being in love, and for the most part, our relationship is good. We rarely fight, and I genuinely believe we care about each other. But lately, I’ve been feeling emotionally drained by things that I normally wouldn’t think twice about.
The biggest issue seems to be how we communicate when we’re apart. We mostly text throughout the day and sometimes have a video call at night. When we’re together in person, things feel much easier. But when we’re apart for a few days, I find myself overthinking little things that wouldn’t usually bother me.
For context, I’m naturally an expressive person. When I love someone, I like telling them, showing affection, and letting them know how I feel. But lately, I’ve started holding myself back with him.
For example, I sometimes want to tell him I love him, but if I’ve been the one saying it more often lately, I’ll stop myself because I don’t want to seem clingy or like I’m more invested in the relationship than he is. I find myself matching his level of affection instead of simply expressing what I feel naturally.
I don’t want to play games or keep score over who says what first. I just don’t want to feel like I’m constantly putting myself out there while wondering whether the other person feels the same way.
I’ve tried bringing up some of these feelings before, but he sometimes laughs them off as a joke. Maybe he doesn’t realize how much they bother me, but it leaves me feeling like I shouldn’t bring them up again. I have too much pride to keep repeating something when I don’t feel like I’m being taken seriously.
I also understand that people express love differently. He might genuinely love me just as much but not feel the need to verbalize it as often as I do. I don’t expect him to communicate exactly like me, and I don’t want to change his personality. At the same time, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a little reassurance or to feel that affection is being expressed both ways.
Now I’m stuck wondering whether I’m overthinking things and need to work on my own insecurities, or whether I’m suppressing a genuine need that deserves to be communicated and understood.
Sometimes I even consider asking for space because I feel mentally exhausted. When something bothers me, I tend to withdraw and detach rather than keep thinking about it, and I don’t want that to become a pattern in our relationship. I also have other responsibilities to focus on, and I don’t want these thoughts constantly occupying my mind.
So, I genuinely want some perspective:
Am I expecting too much, or is it normal to want verbal affection and reassurance from your partner?
Should I work on being more secure in myself and stop reading into small things, or should I communicate my needs more clearly?
How do I tell my boyfriend that I need more reassurance without making him feel pressured to express love in a way that doesn’t come naturally to him?
And if I’ve already brought this up but he hasn’t really taken it seriously, how do I approach it again?
I’m not posting this to prove that he’s wrong or that I’m right. I’m genuinely willing to accept that I might be contributing to the problem. I love him, and I want to understand whether this is something I need to work on within myself, something we need to work on together, or simply a difference in how we express love.
I’d really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who’ve experienced something similar.

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and see a future with him, but lately, I’ve been overthinking small things, especially when we’re apart. I’m naturally expressive, but I find myself holding back affection because I don’t want to seem clingy or feel like I’m more invested than he is. I’ve tried communicating how I feel, but he sometimes brushes it off as a joke. I don’t know if I’m being insecure and need to work on myself, if my need for reassurance is valid, or if we need to work on our communication together. How do I handle this without suppressing my feelings or putting pressure on him?

So my friend was telling me about his two-year relationship, and he mentioned how the middle phase was kind of funny because they struggled a little with their emotions. His girlfriend apparently had her cat moments and mood swings, but ever since they moved to the same city, things have been the best they've ever been.
And it got me thinking: do all women have this adorable little cat syndrome where they want their men to seek them out, look at them lovingly, give them attention, and make them feel wanted, even when they're being a little moody? 😂
Like, sometimes they don't want anything extraordinary. They just want their man to come looking for them, admire them, indulge them a little, and give them those cute, loving looks that make them feel like the most precious person in his world.
It's almost like a little game of 'Come here, pay attention to me, love me, and adore me' without having to say it out loud. And honestly, whatever this phenomenon is, it's ridiculously adorable. There's something so endearing about people being a little silly and emotionally expressive with the person they love. It's like a cat pretending to be independent while secretly wanting to be someone's favourite person. And I think that's the cutest thing ever.