Sex has basically become a thing I do now. I can still have good orgasms (only with my husband, touching myself does nothing), but the *desire* is just...not there.

In general, the only strong emotions I feel anymore are negative. Annoyance, sadness, irritation. Love, desire, happiness...all basically feel muted or non-existent. *Maybe*, if I get a full night's sleep, I will be able to get some shit done during the day and feel somewhat accomplished. But that's a big if. Some parts of the month are better than others. The two weeks before my period are basically torture - can't sleep, acid reflux gets kicked into high gear, emotions feel heightened.

Meanwhile husband is still ready to go every single day. He's gotten a lot better about being pushy, and lets me hold the reigns. But it now feels like I'm basically performing another household task. I don't feel the same surge of emotions, the love. It's all muted.

I've told him many times that I need more emotional connection to want to have sex, but nothing ever happens. No dates, nothing romantic. So I give him bjs and let him fuck me, but it's just...a task. Another chore.

I just don't see the point of bothering. With much of anything. I don't work, have always been a SAHM. Never found a career. And now I'm almost 43 and all I can think is that all I have to look forward to is getting old and more shit not working the way it's supposed to.

It's. Not. Fair.

No advice necessary, this is just a flood of rage and frustration and a big F$&k OFF to anyone who suggest I need to calm down 😣

Itchy ears. Why did no one tell me this was a perimenopause symptom??? I’ve been joining the dots on everything else - fatigue, rage, back pain, insomnia, fluctuating libido, but WHY DIDNT ANYONE EXPLAIN THE EARS!!! Legit thought I was losing my mind!! I’ve seen doctors just about my goddamn ears!! For the love of all that is holy, can we warn our sisters in arms about the bloody ears!!!

Sleep. I miss sleep. I yearn for sleep. I would trade my goddamn soul for just one night of uninterrupted sleep. I can fall asleep at my laptop in a zoom meeting at 10am. In front of clients. And a board of directors. So why oh why am I’m awake cleaning the refrigerator at 2am, with no sleep in sight??

Abdominal fat. I’m fat! This has never been a thing. But now I either have to wfh for the rest of my life or invest >$5000 replacing the corporate wardrobe that has otherwise served me perfectly over the last 25 years! That includes all sizes 8-12 and three pregnancies !! No amount of running or gym will escape my new waistline.

Rage! Dear god can we acknowledge the rage?
I’m not annoyed. I’m not mildly displeased. I’m not even slightly piqued. I’m registering Thanos level, world erasing mutha f$&)*n RAGE!!! Thank god automatic weapons are outlawed in my country. On the plus side, I’ve learned to plaster holes just the size of my right fist!!! Yay I can fix drywall 🥳
Not a skill I imagined gaining in my late 40’s but hey it’s great to learn new things!

Words. I can no longer use words. I used to be articulate. Clever, confident, intelligent! And now I stand in front of a conference room of people and ummm and ahhh like a dementia patient. I forget the most basic words.. I can’t string together sentences. I’m embarrassed and I’ve never felt more stupid. It’s possible my employer may be claiming a government subsidy for keeping me employed.

I’ve blown up my life. I got a divorce, i dropped lifelong friends, I shaved my head, I tried dating women, I resigned my job of 17yrs, I went on dates with suspect younger men and ultimately found more satisfaction in adding ammonia to my laundry routine.

I’ve stopped apologising, but I’m still so ANGRY. And right now I just oscillate between exhausted and angry.

And there is no solution. I’m just waiting, telling myself that eventually this too will pass. But also to fill my gel prescription asap..

I honestly think something has changed when it comes to women’s hormones, and I don’t think we’re talking about it enough.
Older generations often dismiss what we’re experiencing because, according to the ones I’ve talked to, we’re too young to be dealing with “the change.” I’ve talked to my elderly female relatives, and they all say they were 10–20 years older when they started experiencing perimenopause symptoms, and that their symptoms weren’t nearly as severe as mine.
I even had a DUTCH hormone test, and my doctor told me my hormone levels looked like those of an 80-year-old woman. Before doctors figured out the connection between my hormones and recurrent UTIs, I was getting infections so severe that I developed sepsis and had to be hospitalized. My hormonal issues were contributing to my susceptibility to these infections.
Experiences like mine make me question whether what women are experiencing today is really comparable to what previous generations went through. I’m not convinced that all of this can simply be dismissed as normal aging or told away as something women have always dealt with to the same degree.
I suspect environmental endocrine disruptors could be playing a major role, along with the modern food supply, highly processed foods, synthetic additives, and diets that may not provide adequate nutrients. I also wonder whether these factors are affecting both women’s and men’s hormones.
And here’s another thought: When was the last time you heard someone talk about a “cougar”? 😂
As a millennial, I remember older women openly pursuing younger men and sometimes competing with younger women for attention. Now, it seems like that stereotype has practically disappeared.
Obviously, that’s anecdotal, and I’m not suggesting it proves anything scientifically. But I do wonder whether changes in hormones, health, and aging could be influencing more aspects of society than we realize.
Has anyone else wondered whether the hormonal changes women are experiencing today are different from those of previous generations? Are we seeing the effects of environmental exposures and modern lifestyles?
I know some will say we are simply becoming more aware of symptoms that women in the past suffered through in silence but after talking with older women, I doubt that’s the case. I encourage you to talk to elderly women about their experiences when going through what they called “the change of life”.
I’d genuinely like to hear other women’s experiences, especially from those who have compared their symptoms with those of their mothers and grandmothers. Also I’d like medical professionals and those studying this to help us find solutions for relief because this can be detrimental to our quality of life.

As soon as I woke up I felt very different. I kept both ovaries. I have had a very low mood and haven’t felt genuine happiness since the moment I woke up 15 weeks ago. I am easily agitated and grumpy, this is very unlike me. I had my hormones tested just over a week ago and everything looks really good, all levels. My GYN and my GP both say it’s not hormone related and to go to a psychiatric specialist and take depression medication 😭 I have never had any issues like this prior to this surgery. It burns horribly when I have sex, and I have zero sex drive since surgery. Prior to surgery I had always had an extremely high sex drive. When I stand up it takes a while for my body to get adjusted due to feeling stiff and arthritic in my knees, hips, back etc, also my wrist and fingers ache badly in my joints to where it’s hard to open bottles now. I never had any issues with this prior. Since surgery I have also experienced horrific cystic acne on my jaw, forehead and chin. My doctors say none of these issues are related to my surgery, but somehow so many new changes immediately afterward that I’ve never experienced prior. I am so lost.

I am very thankful and grateful to have had the hysterectomy! It was urgently needed for hemorrhaging, debilitating pain/cycles, and anemia (large fibroids, stage 4 adenomyosis, & endo). I free from that debilitating pain and hemorrhaging now.

I am trying to figure out what else could be going on. I am desperate to find help or answers other than taking depression medication. My mood and other new issues are impacting my life in every aspect. I don’t want to take the psychiatric drugs my GP prescribed, it’s what she insists I take. I don’t agree with her findings, I genuinely feel these changes are from my hysterectomy and likely hormonal. I need advice on how to find a doctor who can help.

Two years ago at 41 I started have trouble falling asleep and would wake up between 2-3am for no reason. My doctor and nutritionist(both women) both said told me to work on my sleep hygiene.

Then more strange symptoms began popping up. I started wondering when menopause begins and did some digging. Once I saw the list of symptoms for perimenopause, I knew what was happening.

So I brought it up to my OBGYN. She kind of made a face. "You're 41. I can do a blood test, but you're a little young."

Blood test looked normal.

I mention it to my doctors. "You're too young. Maybe? But probably not" Then they asked when my last menstrual cycle happened even though I had an ablation at 39.

I mentioned it to a nurse. "Oh yeah, that sounds like perimenopause."

With a bit of validation, I just dealt with the mild symptoms at that time because my husband was diagnosed with cancer.

Fast-forward to this year and my husband's cancer progressed to stage 4. We're dealing with chemo and all the stress that comes with it.

About 2 months into his treatments, I start having trouble recalling information more that usual (because ADHD on top of it all). I start joking that I have second hand chemo-brain. It's obviously the stress, right?

Then I find it hard to get in the mood. Ah well, husband is sleeping in a separate bed because of chemo pains and I'm stressed. That's got to be it, right?

Suddenly, my emotional state tanks and I start having weird feelings in my chest and feeling pain in my arms. I see my doctor, get an ekg that's normal, and begin having regular check ins. I feel like the stress is tearing me apart and the tight feeling in my chest becomes more persistent despite anti anxiety meds.

And something clicks. I look up the perimenopause symptoms again and it's all there.

At the next doctor's appointment, I mention it and my doctor is quiet a moment before saying it could also be sleep apnea.

So now I'm booked for a sleep study next year and a heart monitor next week (for my peace of mind). But she doesn't want to do anything hormonal because "it's too soon"

Next OBGYN appointment, I'm bringing it up because I kind of want to feel normal again. But we'll see.

I feel like I'm in turmoil. I'm 38 and 6 months ago I removed my IUD. Since then my periods returned with a whole spectrum of symptoms that look like peri. My cycles are shorter, I get night sweats, extreme anxiety and fatigue, aura migraines, ringing ears, itchy ears, itchy skin, depression, heart palpitations, drops in blood pressure. It's a mess.

However I'm now finding that when my period ends and eostrogen is rising I'm dropped onto what I think is histamine intolerance. I get nausea with every meal, acid reflux, brain fog that feels like ants are running round my brain, headaches, tummy pains, loose bowel movements and itchy skin. I've spoken to the gp many times over these 6 months and they've done lots of bloods for the usual things (thyroid, iron, bc, liver, kidney etc) I've had colonoscopy and endoscopy, all clear. Test coeliac and ibs, all clear. Go also done 2 hornone panels, all normal. (Which i know isn't reliable)

Is anyone else dealing with this? I've been in and out of work on sick leave. I've 2 young kids that have seen me spend more time in bed than I'd care to admit. I'm not able to live like this. Should I be pushing for hrt? Should I go in birth control and just suppress ovulation completely? I mean 2 days before my period arrived the brain fog cleared, my appetite was great and my energy was great. There's definitely a connection to ovulation/eostrogen. I never had any issues with my cycle in my life. And I've never had any allergies. My body had become completely foreign to me over night. Any advice? Positive stories? I'm at a loss.

I just had to get assistance voting because I was dripping sweat onto my ballot. I thought the ink was going to start running 😭. My hand was pooling sweat, my hairline was soaked.
The wonderful women who checked me in are heroes. One asked if I was ok and the other said “You’re tomato red!” Then both clicked to my issue and said “hot flash!” in unison. Y’all, they gave me two I voted stickers and said I deserved it for toughing it out. That was mortifying and embarrassing as hell but thank you to every lady who helped me today either by laughing with me or offering support.

Hi ladies, since this community helped me so much i just wanted to share with the little scientific nerds among you where to find some of the latest scientific data on menopause. It just caught my attention today, never heard of this conference before! It is on menopause.org. You’ll find a bunch of scientific abstracts and posters from the 2026 Menopause meeting. Enjoy! 😉

I have bipolar2 disorder and recently learned hrt can interact with my mood stabilizer making it less effective. I am in a really bad depression currently and my moods have been awful these past months . The physical stuff has been better, but I can't seem to find a good balance.

I have gotten blood drawn, and have an appt with doc next week. I'm wondering if HRT is just not a good thing for my mental health. Really hoping I can recalibrate my mental health meds.

Haven’t had a period in 2 months. Guess what I just got?! Yep. I feel too old to still be getting my period. Any other 52 year olds still getting it?😫

So I got covid in the summer whilst in Mexico and since being back I get these awful internal vibrations head to toe and only usually at night. I woke the first time thinking it was a seizure but when I put my hand out my body was not moving but I felt like I was in the electric chair it was ridiculous.

I've noticed it is significantly worse in the 2 weeks before my period but that alcohol makes it absolutely horrific. I had 3 glasses of prosecco last night and woke at 5am like I was a giant phone buzzing.

Does anyone else find alcohol does this?

Some of the best advice I’ve ever received.

When having a hot flash, take your shoes and socks off.

Unknowingly then, I was having one of my very first hot flashes and was among family visiting from far away. One of those family members works in medicine and told me to take my socks off and that it would help me. It did help! It still helps.

She also told me why it helps but I don’t feel comfortable even trying to paraphrase it. Maybe someone will chime in and share the why in comments.

Have a great weekend!

I (F40) have been with my partner(M43) for two years. We both have children from previous marriages. Mine are teenagers, while his are between 5 and 10 years old.

We've been talking more and more about buying a house together and blending our family.

Here's where I'm struggling: I know perimenopause is coming, and I'm scared. I've been reading your posts religiously for the past year, so I know what's coming (already having brain fog and clitoral atrophy). I'm so afraid of the rage, the crying, the loss of my very healthy libido and all that.

I'm afraid perimenopause will ruin our relationship and that I'll have to go through another separation, selling a house, and everything that comes with it. I'm scared I'll become someone he no longer loves.

But on the other hand, I don't want to put my life on hold.

I feel like I have an expiration date...

Has anyone tried this medication for arousal? There’s a brand name that I’m not sure I can use, but combines all 3 in a melt that’s supposed to help with arousal and dryness.

I am 42 years old. My cycle is regular, flow intensity is regular. The amount of days of my flow can sometimes vary. So within the last few months, I've had this weird problem of my tongue being raw on one side. It comes and goes, and is worse right now than it has been lately. I have still not figured out why, but it almost looks like geographic tongue. Then just a couple of days ago, my teeth have become sensitive. They hurt even if I'm not eating or drinking. I googled it and it says it could be from low estrogen. I don't know if it's from hormone fluctuation or not, but my mouth is just not the same. I also had 5 cavities back in February, and I never get cavities. I go to the dentist twice a year. Am I in perimenopause? People don't talk about this enough. I'm not looking for health advice, I just want to know if people recognize this as a symptom or not.

Had a gyno visit, she prescribed me the BC Sprintec (ethinyl estradiol and norgestimate). Anyone been on this BC for peri symptoms? What symptoms improved? Side effects?

I have a 3 month follow up in January but I'm nervous to start taking it. Worried the bad will outweigh the good.

Can anyone share the changes you’ve experienced with your digestive system during perimenopause?

I’m 41 and over the past year I noticed an overall increase in my gassiness. Lately I’ve started to have more bowel movements as well. No constipation or diarrhea, and no pain or bleeding. Just trying to gauge how much other peri women have been affected similarly, and what might help.

Hello!

I'm 48 & started HRT recently, .25 patch. Asked Dr if these were symptoms of peri & she said yes (though seems like anything can be symptoms!?)

My skin feels a bit like I have sunburn, but there's nothing there to see...it feels very sensitive, mostly on my arms, back & bum. My clothes brushing against or water in the shower...I don't get hot flushes, if anything I actually get chills, which also sets my skin off hurting 😩

And my bones ache, especially my left hip, sore enough that I sometimes limp, and last night in bed was so uncomfortable. I try to stretch it out at every opportunity but doesn't seem to help.

It's been at least a month for both symptoms. I think hip started before the skin issue.

I don't know if i should push for more or different checks to see if something else wrong, or if I need to up my HRT...I don't have other symptoms apart from dry eyes, which are helped with drops.

Are these symptoms for anyone else? If so, what if anything helped you?

Has anyone experienced foods they normally like not tasting good? Many foods are blah to me now because the flavor either sucks or just isn’t that good. It’s hard to figure out what to eat when you don’t like anything. Btw, I have never been a picky eater in any way. I’ve always liked most foods and am open to trying new things.

Is this even a symptom of peri? Will it go away eventually? Is there anything I can do about it?

For me it’s not so much the perimenopause symptoms themselves, but the hormonal instability affecting other health issues I have.

Previously well-managed issues have become unstable and difficult to manage for the last 11 months. I’ve had several hospital visits, I was already on disability leave but now I’m requiring extra home supports. I’m missing most family events and in a lot of pain. I wake up very sweaty but also too dizzy and weak to shower without assistance.

I started HRT and it helped somewhat but my quality of life is still drastically reduced. My bloodwork shows very wide estrogen fluctuations, very high at times and very low at others. I had a hysterectomy so I don’t have periods as an indicator.

My doctor said this stage can last for 2 to 10 years. I truly don’t think I would survive 10 years of this, I’m already pretty frail and have 2 major surgeries on the docket for the coming 6 months.
I don’t know how I can survive recovery plus just feeling so extra shitty from peri.

How do you survive having serious medical issues + perimenopause making them increasingly hard to manage?

For most people how long does the severe fluctuations last? I just turned 40 but had a complicated hysterectomy 2 years ago that seems to have triggered early perimenopause.

I’m 38. My period has always been relatively normal and usually lasts 5-6 days. My last few cycles I’m only bleeding for about 3 days. The first day is normal amount of blood and then it basically just tapers off over the next two days to nothing. My cycle has remained the same and is consistently 26-29 days as it’s always been.

Is this normal for 38? Did this happen with anyone else? Is this perimenopause? Lol. I’ve been feeling off for months now, major ramped up anxiety and brain fog although I also have adhd, but nothing about my actual cycle had changed until now.

I forgot to change my HRT patch on Monday, I think I changed it a day later, and by Wednesday I was having full blown PMDD meltdown and a full period. Nightmare!! I’ve had absolute hell settling into the regime with evorel/gepretix, I’ve had soooo much breakthrough bleeding since I started 4 months ago, but I didn’t know my patch change would cause such chaos! I was a total bitch to someone at work then had a breakdown on the phone to my partner and had to leave work. Let’s just say I’ll be working to never miss patch change day ever again!! 😭

Why is my estrogen not working the same the second time taking it?

I was on oral estradiol 1mg and slynd for a month and had to go off of it for 2 months. I had insane belly bloating that was so uncomfortable. 4 days on the hrt and the belly was gone! Amazing.

But now I'm back on it starting 2 weeks ago in addition to vaginal estrogen. Well the belly bloat came back and it's actually getting worse each day.

Why is it different this time around, could it be the vaginal estrogen? I know that it can take up to 3 months to see results but I'm just confused why the timing of results has changed. I'm panicking and worried that the bloating won't go away this time. Like I missed my chance😔 Has this happened to anyone else? Will it eventually improve like the first time I took it?

Hey all,

I am in my first cycle of HRT and I’m using the gel and 200mg progesterone from day 15 to day 26.

It has been 7 days since I stopped my progesterone and I am still not bleeding, no cramping and nothing to suggest that I’m due for a bleed.

I can’t even provide you with any idea of what my cycle looked like before starting HRT because I’ve been on the pill for 30 years and frequently skipped my period.

I had a bleed when coming off the pill before starting HRT to form my day 1 so it looks like I’m still able to bleed.

My question for you all is, how long did it take you to have your first bleed on your first cycle of HRT?

Also, I’m 46yo and my mum didn’t hit menopause until 56yo so I’m not expecting to be done this young.

Also, I would like to also celebrate that I’m now sleeping through the night as my vasomotor symptoms seem to have resolved in the last 5 weeks of HRT. 🥳

Thank you all in advance. I’d love to hear about all of your experiences.