Apparently holidays to the arctic and Antarctic are the same cost as last year. The prices have been frozen.

Mr. Bus

>!Even brain-damaged soccer players know that.!<

A Large Language Model

But we’re working out the kinks.

Autocorrect jumped in and changed it to "Shirley, you can't be serious."

I was baffled for a moment, then I realized...

I had left my phone on Airplane! mode.

First Guy said "You all have nothing on me. I go to a bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have an 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than a 1,000 women"

Second Guy said "Oh yeah? Well I'm a top gynecologist at the most highly rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I'm at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women."

The last guy said, "I have you all beat even though I have a small penis and am dead broke - I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke."

£0.80

It was on fire when I went in there.

A woman who is devastatingly ugly, blisteringly stupid, fatter than humanly possible,

but also gets fucked more than anyone on the planet.

I figured it out when I lost all my money in a single day of gambling.

.....

......

........

And then there's transport.

Not surprising, really. Many tall birds are ostrich-sized.

Hello hello hello

And using extra commas.

The first woman says: "My husband puts his entire hand in my vagina during sex"

The second woman says "Oh yeah? My husband puts his entire arm up to his shoulder inside my vagina"

The third woman says "Bob, come out, I won".

And into the barber shop walks a boy about 5 years old.

The barber leans to the man and says "Watch how dumb this kid is."

The barber calls the little boy over and says, "Do you want this 1 dollar bill? Or would you rather have 2 shiny quarters?"

The little boy proudly exclaims "2 is better than one of course!" And takes the 50 cents and leaves.

As the man leaves the barber shop, the boy is standing on the street and the man says "hey, young man, you know that $1 is worth more than 2 quarters, right?"

"Yes sir" replies the kid, "But the day I take the dollar, he stops doing it. I make $2 a week this way!"

are construction workers on a high rise. They sit down and open their lunch pales one by one.

The German says “Sausage and sauerkraut again! If I get sausage and sauerkraut one more time I’m jumping off of this building.”

The Brit says “Bangers and mash! I swear if I get bangers and mash one more time I’ll be jumping off here with you.”

The Newfie says “Fish cakes again! I’ll be joining you fellers tomorrow if I get fish cakes again.”

The next day they open their lunch pales and get the same thing as the day before and jump off of the building.

At their funeral the Germans wife says “I don’t know why he did this, he told me he loved sausage and sauerkraut.” The Brits wife says “Same here, bangers and mash were his absolute favourite.” The Newphie’s wife chimes in and says “I don’t know why he jumped, he makes his own lunch every day.”

"No shit,Sherlock!"

Because they cum in pears.

What is Jean-Ralphio Saperstein's favorite thing about Germany?

It's the wuuuuuuurst~!

Of course, that's 45 with wind chill.

But Argon doesn't react.

When I returned to the classroom to get it, it was on the flop and some jerk was standing on it.

He didn’t notice that he was standing on it because he was too busy harassing a female student.

So I puffed up my chest, walked over to him and got in his face.

I said “look bro, you’re not going to stand here and harass this girl”

“NOT ON MY WATCH”

(You pick 3 people at your gathering and [friend 1] is the one that can take a joke)

F2 and f3 have seen something weird: every day, f1 seems to jump over one specific tile on the sidewalk.

They ask him; “f1 why do you always do that? Are you superstitious or something?”

F1 says “nah man Im not superstitious, thats the black tile, you dont fuck around with that, if you step on that tile, some baaad shit could happen to you, I swear to god!”

To which f2 replies: “what are you talking about man? Thats the most superstitious shit Ive ever heard! Thats insane man!”

F1 says: “oh yeah? You’re not scared brave and mighty f2? Alright then! Step on it! I double dare you!”

F2 goes: “alright man Ill prove it to you Ill step on it!” And he steps right on the black tile.

(Here you mimic f1s shocked sounds thereby ridiculing him a bit) “now something really bad is gonna happen”

The next day the 3 of them walk to the function together again. Except.. something strange is going on! There is this horrible ugly looking guy/woman (depending on sexuality of F) following them! Their hair is dirty and tangled, their eyes are swollen and dead, their body is as thin as a skeleton and they look horrifying! “Shes been stalking me all day!” F2 says
“THATS BECAUSE OF THE BLACK TILE F2!!! YOU SHOULDNT HAVE STEPPED ON THE BLACK TILE!” F1 screams.
“Naaahhhh bullshit” f3 tells him, “that has nothing to do with eachother.”
“Alright then you do it!” F1 says to f3. “I triple dare you!!!”

So f3 sighs and proves himself, and steps on the black tile.

The next day theres a similar person following f3, their forehead is enormous, their eyebrows are thick and their smell is horrid. “Shes been stalking me all morning!” F3 cries “SEE F3!!! IM NOT LYING HERE! Youll come to see that Ill be rewarded for my superstitions!!!!

And the next day there is this amazingly beautiful person walking behind f1, theyre a mix of Margot Robbie, Sydney Sweeney, Zendaya and Beyonce (or Brad Pitt, Tom cruise, Mamdani and Tom Holland) in one. F1 has a proud and confident face as he joins f2 and f3. “Well f1, HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN???”

As to which the beautiful person replies (in a crying-out-voice): “WELL, I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, BUT YESTERDAY I STEPPED ON THE BLACK TILE AND NOW THIS GUY HAS BEEN WITH ME ALL DAY!!!”