I’m embarrassed to ask this but I feel so ashamed and don’t know how to make myself change. I don’t want to be like this. I’ve been noticing more and more that my immediate thoughts about other trans people are very hateful and negative, even bullying which frightens me a bit, because I’ve never been the type to want to bully people.

I’m deep enough in my transition now that nobody in my immediate life knows I’m trans and I’m happy with it that way. I have friends who know but they don’t live near me. Everyone addresses me as male with no doubt, even at the pool when I have my shirt off and top surgery scars are visible. I’m a bigger guy so I think they just assume I had that male gyno surgery. What I’m saying is that I don’t have any reminders that I’m trans in my daily or even weekly life except when I take a piss or jerk off (will eventually be getting phallo). I also don’t interact with anyone else that’s trans or lgbtq except those friends who don’t live near me. I live in a small rural town now and am a drive away from everything, including any lgbt centers. But I will be honest, I have often found other people in the community to be insufferable with the misandry and never feel welcome.

I have caught myself having very dangerous thoughts lately, that almost align with right winger stuff? For instance, I saw a photo of a trans tball game where everyone was smiling and happy and having fun, with a caption that the dolls had to come out and have fun at these games. That is an objectively GOOD thing! Yes! Trans people should be happy and be allowed to enjoy their lives!

But my brain immediately reacted with disgust and a very vile intrusive thought of “‘Dolls’ but it’s the ugliest, most masculine woman you’ve ever seen”

Like wtf is that? Why am I thinking that? I don’t like that I’m thinking that and I don’t want to be thinking that. It happens when I’m presented with content about other trans men too, especially early transition, and afab non binary people especially.

I don’t know where this hatred in my heart is coming from for the exact people I should be showing love to. And I have a feeling I will be called a shitpost or something so no, this is not a shitpost. I genuinely want to know how do I tackle my internalized transphobia? How do I stop feeling such hatred and disgust for other trans people?

I’m not even a sex obsessed pest I barely care for the act but it’s the fact that I fucking can’t do shit even when I wanna. Basic ass animalistic shit and I’m not even allowed that much I’m fucking less than a dog.

i’ve been on t for about nine months now, my dose is 1ml every two weeks intramuscularly and i was just wondering what the typical dose is because from others in my state (red state) and others i’ve seen online they all seem to be on lower doses

to be fair i’m not super knowledgeable about subcutaneous vs intramuscular and weekly vs biweekly but years ago i went through planned parenthood in a different state (previously red now light blue) and i was on .2ml subcutaneously on a weekly basis. i had to stop after four months because i had to move (to previously stated red state) and it took a while before i could go back on it. now i have private insurance and when i told my endo about my previous dose they said that was way too low

my current levels are >450 and when i started i was low even for a cis woman, if it matters im 5’8 and around the 250lbs range

my first time around i did see changes and the minuscule voice drop but obviously now that my dose was higher and i’ve been on it longer there’s definitely a bigger change but even around the four month mark it was different. this time around i didn’t get the hot flashes or the excessive sweating and i’m on meds for acne from a dermatologist as a precaution but even that wasn’t too bad compared to my first round

excuse the rambling lol i was just curious because i always hear of others on different doses and people always wanting to up their doses and not being listened to by doctors

Anyone had/have parents or family/friends that technically weren't on board with you transitioning but they didn't completely stop you or throw you out. They played the more passive role of: "Well you can do whatever you want but just know you're still gonna be a woman/be my daughter etc. Etc."

I guess what im trying to say is, they don't stop you from going on T and getting surgery. They dont abuse you (physically anyway) or throw you out. But they also still see you as your birth sex and may call you your chosen name and he/him to your face but when you're not in the room its immediate deadname and misgender?

Im not trying to say 1 is worse than the other. But the toying with emotions like calling you want you want to your face but immediately deadname and misgender when you aren't there like you're some psych paitent they play along with you to avoid conflict is so..... scummy? Very uncomfortable and honestly I rather you just verbally abuse me and call me slurs to my face because at the very least I know how you think of me from the initial.

Me and my family have come a decent way. Some bumps in the road but were relatively in a good spot thank god. But just knowing there's some parents that play that implicit passive role is again, so uncomfortable and uneasy.

So I have a pretty large chest, and I’ve been binding for years. Over time, my binders get stretched (pretty quickly) and as I’ve built up a small collection, a while ago (probably a year or maybe coming up on 2) I started wearing 2 because both the ones I owned became stretched out. I have just been doing that ever since because I can’t achieve the level of flatness that I need while wearing only one binder. I do usually wear my newest one paired with an old, looser one on top, so it’s not much more compression- it just adds a tiny bit more that really pushes my chest into being a more masculine shape and also holds it into place. I’ve never experienced any kind of pain or even discomfort when binding, even in early days. I’ve never had much sensation in my chest and it’s quite large and sags downwards (sorry for the awful descriptors) so I feel like it’s just compressing fat rather than what I can imagine being more painful for those with smaller chests that perk upwards, as it’s compressing directly the more sensitive areas of a chest (if that makes any sense). I’ve never had anything like rib pain or breathing issues in relation to binding either. If it’s a real issue, I’d consider wearing only one binder while layering clothing. Anyone got any thoughts on this?

I just wanted to put this out there to see if anyone had a similar experience. I had really bad dysphoria around my chest before top surgery, and I figured I’d wake up after and just feel instantly better.

The night before surgery my dad called and told me I was making a huge mistake. My mind had already been made up, and I’ve heard it a thousand times before, but it still didn’t put me in the best mindset.

After surgery I was in a binder for 2 weeks, but took it off to shower. There was a relief that it was done, but seeing my chest with drains and surgical glue and everything felt so uncomfortable I hated looking at my body. On top of that I lost a lot of muscle and gained a little weight, and have body image stuff on top of dysphoria. Whenever my mom asked “are you so happy with your results?” Or “are you so happy you did it?” Of course I’d say yes, but I also didn’t feel happy and I didn’t know what was wrong with me.

That feeling didn’t fully go away for months. For the first month I was terrified I made a mistake, which made no sense to me because this was all I wanted since I was 13 years old, and had spent the past 6 years binding and taping and hating my chest. I started to feel little bits of excitement when I got to wear a tight tank top or low button down, but seeing the big red scars on my body just made me feel so weird.

Anyway, now I’m 4 months post op, have gotten all my strength back and am starting to make new gains, my scars are obviously still prominent, but not fresh looking, and I love my body (at least my upper body). I look in the mirror and I feel like I finally look how I am meant to.

I just wanted to write this in case anyone post op shares the same feeling, to say that it’s normal, or at least something someone else has felt, and for me at least it wasn’t something that lasted at all.

so I struggle to do my own tshot intramuscular so my boyfriend does it the pharmacy gave us the wrong size needle and the extra half an inch made me nervous so my boyfriend said he wouldn't stick it in all the way and I looked away, after I asked him how much did he do and it was less than an inch which is usually how long the needle is supposed to be I hope that makes sense. I didn't feel the needle at all so I'm worried he injected into the fat of my thigh and not the muscle. would this cause problems? I hope this makes sense

For starters where I live starting T is super hard and they will decline you for absolutely anything. I'm currently going through examinations cuz I might have a brain tumor or brain cancer but they are taking super long so I might just die from that. Then if I don't have either they still would decline me because what if T makes my symptoms worse. It'll take so long that when I finally could start i'd probably be over 25 and waisted my "golden year". And not starting T isn't an option for me because I'm a fighter and I want to fight against guys because fighting girls gives me so much dysphoria. But I most likely will never see the day I get T or anything like that. Also the only times I've ever felt somewhat okay in my body have been when I've been on ecstasy.

i suffer from such bad dysphoria, even 3 years on t and after top surgery. but i am so short. i cannot be found attractive by women. my face is so round. i get no progress at the gym. worst of all, i will never have a cisgender penis (if any, considering how expensive and non-common phalloplasty is in my region). how do you keep going. it feels like postponing the inevitable. i am still getting misgendered by my father and people can tell I am transgender.

So I'm from a country where circumcision isn't very common and so I would like an uncut 3-in-1 packer but there just aren't many. The only ones I've found are either super small, not 3-in-1s or by axolom which aren't realistic to me...

I've been thinking of getting a cut one and just buying a morme foreskin sleeve on it or something like that. Anyway if anyone has any recommendations please tell me I'm desperate. I just need the shaft to be over 5.4 inches and somewhat realistic.

I have 2, 3 in one packers and I don’t know how to pack. I can’t find any good pictures of cis guys in boxers soft and my size so idrk how to position my packer. I currently have this like open harness packer because I need something I can kinda “thread through” so I can stp and I thread it through the hole in my boxers and put the rod in to have sex so I don’t have to change everything which gives me hella dysphoria. I need all the help and advice I can get for maybe different harnesses or how to wear/how to find good references for packing down. Sometimes I leave the shaft out and then the fabric holds my balls and top and then I pack down but I feel like it’s not realistic??? I also sometimes tuck the shaft in but that one has a list of reasons for being inconvenient.

I hate that so many people call trans men like me "performative" when we act similarly to cis men, especially when it comes to struggles with toxic masculinity, typical male insecurities like the whole looksmaxxing thing and misogyny. I struggle with these, I'm not proud of it. But what sucks even more on top of all of that, is that people will come to me and say I'm just doing it and acting that way because I want to fit in with cis men. Or that I just want to pass. Why can't it just be because I am a man? Why does my transness always have to be brought up? Or they say I can't be misogynistic like a cis man because I'm born female and will say things like "you just switched from here". But I was never a woman??? But I cant escape it, people will always just see that.

And it's hard to explain but it just feels really embarrassing when people word it that way. I'm not that different to a cis man, am I? Then why is it that when I deal with the same stuff as them, mine gets called fake? Am I a fake man? Is my manhood fake? I hate myself. I already feel bad about myself and then other people say these things to me and it's like proof.

I have invisible nips or ghost nips where my areola isn’t defined unless my nipples are hard. They get taught and wrinkles when hard but don’t stay that way unless stimulated.

I hate my breasts. Always have. I think I’m mentally committed to getting top surgery but I want to know if there is anyone else who has done it with these types of nipples.

I think they look too feminine and k can’t picture them on a masculine looking chest. I think about not having nipples but would I be robbing myself of sensation in the future when maybe it wouldn’t look bad? I don’t even know if I care though. My nipples has only caused me pain while on my period and I’ve never enjoyed them being played with.

I recently had a doctor's evaluation for top and hysto, and during the appointment she mentioned that it was uncommon for people to want hysto. For me it's a no brainer, the organ I have make me physically ill to think about and I live my life detached from the fact that my body is the way it is. If I can remove it, I want it out and gone. I don't need any of it.

But, since it apparently isn't that common, I'm wondering for the people that choose to not get hysto, why did not make that choice? (Not counting people who can't access hysto for whatever reason, but would want it if they had the option).

I'm not going to rehash a lot of the talk about phallo that happens in trans spaces. I was on an...adult website....yes....and happened upon a video that was educational about erectile pumps. it's in a foreign language, but there's an interview with the patient, some vid of pump installation and then demonstrating it. The pump works exactly like the ones trans men get for phallo. I assume they're similar, if not the same pumps. He pumped his cis penis up using a small pump behind his testes (whereas the pump is in the sack for most trans men who opt for it).

I only am putting this here because a lot of trans men mention having to pump up a penis and that being a disconnect. Well, cis men do deal with this too. This is kind of the nuclear option for Erectile Dysfunction but it is an option. I think a wellish known food reviewer opened up about having one installed due to ED from diabetes. Obviously everyone doesn't but it feels a bit less isolating to know that, yes, men have this hardware installed too. I spend time in ED forums (Yes trans men can deal with it) and it's floated around by some men who have tried most everything but the idea of penile operations usually scare many men away (rightfully so).

Just a late night rambling. I know someone's going to say "No duh". I am not eligible for phallo and can't afford it so I haven't deep dived into the specific hardware surgeons use.

I live in the Baltic states and there has been increased aggression from Russia such as drone threats. I hope every single day that nothing happens.

I’m scared of losing access to hrt. Not too many pharmacies in my area have T, there is a T shortage in my country, so I can’t usually stack up for more than 3 months worth of T.

Now I want to say that yes Im aware this is my fault, okay so been on T for almost 3 yearsish kinda(long story) anyways before T I had a very small clit/hood. So Ive never really pulled back the hood because of that fact it was so small/never thought to look there. Well I noticed Ive had some bottom growth and well when I pulled back the hood there was a lot of “dick cheese” aka smegma on the side of my clit and on it. I genuinely don’t know how to clean it because 1. I have to use both hands to pull up the hood and as I pull it back my clit turns purple bc blood circulation. 2. My clit is rlly sensitive even before T like its hurts just to touch it, so when I tried using a towel(clit specifically) it genuinely hurt like hell on hell. Please don’t judge me this is embarrassing as is and even worse because I know it’s my fault so any advice welcome please im begging 🫠

I mostly lurk these spaces because I'm not really a social media kinda guy but I wanted to ask

Do any of you guys live in countries where is illegal to change the sex marker and/or your deadname? If so, how do you handle yourself in places like your job or public services?

This is just a low stakes vent. To preface, I’m not talking about nb or ”transmasc” people, I’m talking literal cis men and women who *always* start their comment off as “cis guy/girl here” like why are you here?? I think we all know there’s a very big trans male passing sub and I kind of hate that it’s really popular because it’s just constant cis people in the comments putting their two cents in. It feels performative. And don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with cis men adding some respectful advice, but I get peeved when it’s cis men and women just saying “you look like a dude to me!!” when op doesn’t pass. I get this feeling like we’re just a sideshow that they can pity.

Hello, I (20) am seeing a guy I really like (24 cis M), and I'd like to have sex with him. We've talked about it a bit because he's much more experienced than I am. He mentioned that he prefers to bottom, which is great because I'm mostly interested in topping. We’ve discussed using our mouths and fingers, but I'd really like to penetrate him with a toy. I guess I'm just looking for tips on what tools to use. Sorry if this is a weird ask. I've been on T for about six years, so I physically pass, but I haven't been able to get top or bottom surgery (though hopefully that changes soon). I know I could use a typical strap-on, but I feel like it would cause intense dysphoria, and I cringe thinking about it. Is there anything people recommend to help with this?

Edit: Thank you for all the advice!!

Its an annoying situation. I want to exercise to have a more masculine shape (im pre t), and i really want to dance more. But i already feel sweaty constantly just sitting in a desk all day, much less doing lots of movement.

I could take the binder off, but any other chest support i still find very uncomfortable for the same reasons, even if they arent quite as extreme. If dancing i would be looking in a mirror to see if i should do somsthing different. If i was wearing a bra i would certainly want to avoid.

Im not sure if theres some life hack that could fix this? Or if i should just get back to weight loss and try doing these things once i have less volume in the chest.🤔

Thanks for any advice.

Has anyone here gotten top surgery through public healthcare? I’m trying to weigh up my options at the moment and decide whether public or private is the best route

Any advice or thoughts are appreciated!

1 week on T. Ik I have to eat more.

But man I’m 60kg. I feel like it’s alr a good weight if I’m striving for a more lean physiques. But this 60kg has more body fat than muscle is the problem. Idk should I eat more or less cuz I don’t want to get fat.

I have been starting to run. Previously I can’t because doctor’s order but now I can. Never run before so if yk the couch to 10k program thing, I’m on week 3 alr.

I’m very cluesless rn. I never exercise this much, and I never feel this hungry. I have always have 2 full meals a day. My diet is quite healthy it’s just the lack of exercise previously.

What should I do? Cut? Bulk?? Yes I’m hungry asf.

Hello, I want to do body masculinization surgery, possibly in Spain where I live. I tried everything else I could but my body doesn’t collaborate in the lower part. I’m working out a lot and I grow a lot my upper body, but I want to change the lower body appearance so bad. I searched a lot online and I found that the best surgeons could be dr. Brasó, dr. Lago, Moscatiello and Im gender clinic. Does someone has some advices about these surgeons? Someone had experience with them? Please, I need help, since I already had really bad experience with doctors, surgery, treatment etc… and my dysphoria is really bad. I don’t want to make another bad choice, I don’t want to trust the wrong person again. I need someone really trustful and that cares about their patients and understand trans issues. Thanks

Any advice from people who spend time in spaces with a lot of toxic masculinity?

I am trans ftm. I don't pass for the most part and haven't started T so as soon as you hear me speak you would presume I'm just a lesbian or tomboy

I have been really wanting to go to a kickboxing class for a long time. I went a few times a few years ago, and know its a space thats hyper masculine, alot of gym bros with incredibly fragile ego's. There's no other kickboxing classes in my area and I don't drive. I'm not going there to make friends with the men or try and feel more like a man even. I'm just going for myself. I really enjoy stuff like that and just want to embrace being able to feel okay in spaces like that and confident in my ability to cope with that stuff. I'm not trying to be tougher than them or shrink myself, but obviously I will probably get a certain amount a grief and want to know how people deal with that? Generally what have people found is the best way of dealing with that kind of thing?

I live in wales, UK, so feel pretty certain I would be safe judging on the area and what I remember, and if I go a sense that the men there were a risk to my safety outside of the class. there is no chance I would stick around.