It just hit me really hard tonight that I miss being held by someone. I always thought I wouldn't like cuddling and then when I met my (f30) stbxw (f31) we cuddled so much and I got so used to it. But I don't want to cuddle anyone else. I'm just really sad tonight and I feel her absence so strongly right now. It's hard.

I see so many people saying they divorced a great person.

There are a multitude of reasons why of course.

My ex wife says she regrets it. My mother says she regrets it with my father.

Anyone else?

I do not.

I’m going through a divorce and feeling very emotional about what to do with mine. Did you keep them, sell them, redesign them, or something else?

I’m 34, a father of three, and currently going through a separation after nearly a decade together.
One thing I wasn’t prepared for was how lonely this whole process would feel.
It’s not necessarily about missing my marriage. It’s about missing that everyday connection with another person. Someone to tell about your day, laugh with, share random thoughts with, or just talk to when life gets overwhelming.
I’ve tried reaching out and making new friendships, but honestly, it’s harder than I expected.
I’m not looking to jump into another relationship. I’d just enjoy connecting with other people around my age who understand what this experience feels like.
Has anyone else struggled with this part of separation? How did you start rebuilding your social life?

I just can’t seem to shake things the past few days. I’ve been doing better. But I’m looping. My stbxw if occupying so much mental space the past few days.

I can’t stop thinking about what she might be doing, that she doesn’t care about what we had, anger that she is just doing so many things I pushed for us to do in our marriage. That she just seems to be having so much fun.

I’m not necessarily in a pit of despair. I’ve talked to a few ladies, and had a few dates. I’ve spent time with my cousins and direct family. Had fun more or less. Love my new place. But, something feels…empty.

But it just kills me. The whole thing. The way she treated me, the lack of respect. The cheating, the fact she seems to be talking to multiple men.

I just feel. Like shit. Like total shit. And it feels like such a setback tbh.

I have such an urge to text her something, anything. But I know it’s useless and degrading. I just want to be so far from this feeling.

The grief comes in waves and sometimes I get really caught up in thinking that it wasn't even really bad. There were just a number of issues that were big issues and going unresolved no matter how much work we put in.

Sometimes it's gutting for me.

I've even told him that I'd still like him to be in my life because I still care about him. We had a good life. He says absolutely not.

Without a divorce I would've grown to resent him in a really big way or I would've kept bringing up an arrangement that every time I brought up, shattered him.

And I was not about to start cheating on him to find satisfaction and joy elsewhere.

We weren't making each other happy unless we were on vacation and I didn't want to stay married for the vacations.

I had to call it.

This has been the hardest time of my life and I've been through some hard things. We have no kids except for our pets which all live with her now. It kills me to be without them. I visit my animals once a week but it is hard being in her space and our old home. I worry about her. Im considering moving back home for a little bit. I cry constantly, which is embarrassing. When I get the chance I sleep for at least 12-13 hours. I hate my job. I feel like a failure.

I am on Zoloft and Abilify. I want off the Abilify but I hear its so hard to get off of it and I don't want to spiral.

Everyday, hundreds of thousands of healthy relationship divorces end. In these relationships, there was mutual communication, kindness, affection, and alignment of needs and values. However, healthy relationships usually come to a close because the spark between two partners has faded. It fades because of familiarity. Familiarity breeds either contempt, or boredom. The human brain demands novelty. The spark especially dies faster when a couple invests almost all their spare time with their partners.

Another reason why these kinds of divorces happen is because happiness and the love “dopamine hit” was set as an expectation. Life happens and stress piles up from external factors, and at times this prevents the overloaded brain from appreciating the partner. Because the couple derived happiness as the most important factor than growth, they began seeing the relationship as an issue to avoid.

Because the relationship was healthy, is it worth trying things again? Imho, in the short to medium run, generally not. This is because every divorce happened because of a problem. In the case of a healthy relationship, familiarity was what caused it. Getting back together at a state where both of you still operate under the same mentality will inevitably cause another divorce and extra pain. You two are only reconciling because you only want to refill a void that's opened after the divorce. Remember, your brain rejects familiarity so after a little while things will likely start going downhill again.

Whether a reconciliation happens or not, the main thing to aim for is personal development. Grief brings forward creative destruction. Change and development is mandatory for healing because the old version of yourself died along with the divorce. You have to become someone new to rise again. Change improves the chances of a successful reconciliation because you are once again unfamiliar territory. The updated version of yourself has tons of new quests and features to explore. Change helps you move on from a divorce because your ex no longer fits the criteria for your updated list of needs.

Does anyone else have a spouse who threatens divorce but won’t actually file? Everytime me and my husband get into an arguments (about something he has done as usual) he says he doesn’t want to be with me , and why am I still here, and when I tell him to file he won’t but when we are on good terms he is affectionate it’s very confusing for me.

Please someone tell me they divorced and it made life so much better for your kids. I have 3 under 7 and I know filing is the right thing to do as the verbal abuse is starting to turn physical. I get called a cunt multiple times a week in front of my kids while my husband is drunk and belligerent. I am the breadwinner and do 90% of the child reading and probably 75% of the house work. I’m just so scared I won’t go through with this because I have such low self esteem. Someone please give me divorce success stories.

Good evening anyone out there been married just under 24 years? I am3 months from turning 61 yeas old husband is 54 yr old. I am disabled. He is Divorcing me because I am as he said a Burden and a Hermit and that I will never change. I thought by staying home so he wouldn't be bothered with how slow I can get around would be the best thing. Well that bit me in the Butt. I haven't even been served yet and he is putting ads up on the dating sights. He says he is looking for someone he can go and do things together. I get it I really do. But all these years I have been the secretary the cook the maid the doctor. He wants me to pack my stuff and get out. We are also the Guardians of 2 teenage sisters, one is my Bio-granddaughter. This came out of NO WHERE, Like a slap in the face. He is able to work I only receive my disability check each month. This has BROKEN me. I don't even know how to start dealing with this. Does anyone have any advice? He has hurt me so bad But I still Love him. I don't know what to do. Mrs. Lori

Just wanting to ask in general how everyone who’s divorced found being alone in a home after being with someone so long? I was married for 15 years and we had four sons together, 17y, 14y, 13y and 8y. I’ve never lived on my own before as an adult, I’m 34y now and I had my first son at 17y so I’ve kind of always had my ex around. He has the boys 3 days a week and on the days they’re gone I get so lonely and struggle with what to do as I’ve been a full time mum for so long. Any advice on how to try and enjoy my days off?

I'm getting conflicting advice on whether I should give my husband notice or wait until he is served. Either way it won't go well, but there is a part of me that is worried for my safety. My husband has anger issues and a whole arsenal of guns now. I need to be careful with how I go about this, I just don't know how. Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.

Can someone tell me why my ex who just filed for divorce took my kids out of day care and is funneling that money to his AP ($1000) paying all her bills as well as has dropped $8600 on a cruise and plastic surgery for her (in 1 month). I just got served last week how is this going to work for him in the divorce? He has only given me $500 this month —im completely broke and homeless (because of financial abuse for years by the way). He has told me for YEARS we have no money—made me sell my car didnt help me pay my student loans, extracted money from me for a long time.

I’m getting toward the end stages of the process- hopefully. I’m curious how other attorneys work their process (other than mine). I’ve been married 25 years, so we have an OK accumulation of assets and not much debt. Did your attorney spreadsheet the assets and liabilities and go over with you how they thought the split would work and discuss any strategies on how they thought it would play out with negotiations? Did they talk possibilities with you, with no visual aids or numbers leaving you to figure it out yourself? I live in an equitable split state.

My future ex- spouse is undervaluing some of our assets. I need to decide to settle or go further by hiring an auditor. I’m pretty disappointed in the way my attorney has worked so far and really don’t have any faith in hiring an auditor that will do a good job either. If I had more money I probably would have hired another attorney, but at this point there is a huge mental toll weighing on me, and I just want to get it over with. I get that I need to make the decision, but don’t feel like I’m being well advised. I guess I’m just curious if my feelings are valid.

Long story short we are trying to do with without a lawyer because we have already spent $20,000 in lawyers/immigration fees.

Has anyone in here been a California resident married to a uk citizen that still resides over that has gone through this process? We have been married for less than 5 years.

Any knowledge would be greatly appreciated!

My husband told me he wanted a divorce; he had been acting very coldly towards me and responding to conversations (is that what yo would even call them?) with saying “I don’t give a fuck.”.

He recently took a new position where he is making more money than ever and he works closely with his friend. Said friend happens to be divorced as well and I’ve always had a bad feeling about him; as in he has actively encouraged husband to disregard marriage. We have 2 kids, elementary school age. I am the primary caretaker and he is the breadwinner. His demeanor has shifted greatly ever since starting new position.

First husband stops sharing his location with me, which he has done since the inception of location sharing. I even ask him if there is someone else and he denies it. Caught husband and him texting (yes- he has been being secretive with his phone and I worked up to courage to look through it) about husband PAYING for another friend’s HOOKER, who has just had a baby and is going out with said friend group for first time since. I took a screen shot.

I am so beyond disgusted, I don’t even know what to do. I know he has been discussing and planning his “escape from marriage” with this friend - but this? This is the life he is choosing? I don’t even know what to do with this information. I am so filled with hatred and can’t stand the thought of how to deal with my life and him as a co-parent.

Had a pretty decent day driving Uber yesterday. Made more than I expected, car didn’t give me any trouble, even got a couple good tips.

My first instinct was to grab my phone and tell my ex. Didn’t even think about it. Just reached for it like I’ve done a thousand times before.

We weren’t even getting along toward the end. Half the time we barely talked unless it was about bills or something that needed fixing around the house.

Still caught me off guard how automatic that was.

It’s been months and apparently my brain hasn’t gotten the memo yet. Anyone else still have those stupid little reflexes?

I just need somewhere to go off.

I guess I just feel like… I don’t know, incredibly alone?

I was the one who got cheated on and now we’re splitting custody and they’re with the new person. It’s fine I guess but than the courts are saying that because I make more I need to give them money for child support. I’m the one who had to get a new job because our kiddo was going to have to start going to daycare. I’d been the primary parent and I’m the one who applied for a new role after hunkering down and getting certified.

I’ve been trying to get back out there but between work and being a parent there’s just not really a lot of room for a social life. I’m barely staying afloat between the commute to work, gas prices and living alone. I tried online dating and I’ve matched a couple of times but each time anyone finds out I’m a dad they ghost. The rest of the time it’s radio silence on that end.

It’s fine like no one owes me anything but damn it kind of makes you feel bad for the thing you love being sometimes. I just feel ugly. It’s hard to get out of bed sometimes when you feel lower about yourself every morning.

I don’t miss the ex. We weren’t in love. I understand. I just didn’t realize how much life would kick your ass when you tried standing back up.

Anyways, I’m sorry I just needed to let this out somewhere.

& I have nowhere to go. He’s the one that wants the divorce but he wants me to leave.

Hi savvy sapiens

Got divorced a few years ago after 15 years. It was a coercive controlled relationship with emotional and financial abuse, that he was very very good at hiding. Among other things,being in IT meant it was easy for him to hack me and stalk me on social media. ( important for later)

I was really glad to move on with my life and moved far far farrrrr away to feel safer. As in different continent. My new life is glorious and I have a truly fantastic man by my side who has helped me process the trauma of my marriage.

I assumed that chapter was over. But lately I found out my ex and his new gf is stalking me on social media. He freely admitted it to a mutual friend, who reached out to tell me.

Only reason I can think of is that I have joined some groups for abuse and have started talking about what he did. I never mentioned his name and since all my accounts are private , I assumed I could do so. I don't know if this is why he is back at it- scared people will learn the truth. But then why is his gf doing it too? It's so weird and creepy. They are in their late 50- mid 60s for god sake ( he was 16 yr older than me- lied about his age, gro0ming etc)

A part of me feels bad for her. He's so so good at playing the nice guy he has 98% of people fooled. Living with him long term almost left me a broken shell of a person. And thats not even talking about the really dark stuff. I am sure he will do this to her too. People like him don't change.

I can't even see her profile or his on fb because I am sure they blocked me. I set all my stuff to highest security settings etc years ago but obviously it wasn't enough. I didn't know her at all so we had no mutual friends.

I don't want to delete my accounts because living internationally, its my way to connect with my friends and family across the globe.

But what do I do now?
Do I blast how glorious my life is, give them the show they obviously want? Do I double down and join more groups and talk about it freely, even thought I am not ready to?

I wish they would just leave me alone 😔

Any advice would be appreciated.

I (39M) love the person my wife (37F) is, but I just can't snatd her childish behavior anymore.

It's like I'm a dad for her, constantly reminding her of basic house chores that we must both do, or to not spend so much time with her phone, or to close the fridge door. It's been 6 years and I'm tired, plus, we barely even have sex (maybe 3 times a year). I do the groceries shopping, feed the cats, take them to the vet, I cook, I do the laundry, I do the house chores and can barely count on her helping. I get tired and end up doing all on my own.

We have a baby, I love him, I don't want to ever be away from him. She's a good mom, no problems there.

She was abused when she was a child, her parents both died when she was a pre-teen, her adoptive grandma also died afterwards, she has no one at all, her brother is a junkie all the time getting in trouble. But she's a ray of sunshine, super caring and loving, but at home is like a little girl, has no discipline at all.

But she really has a heart of gold, but again, is like a daughter instead of a wife.

All in all, if we split, she's got NO ONE. I feel guilty AF but I can't see myself spending the rest of my days like this. I just can't.

I don't even know if I'm right or I'm selfish.

FML

Hi guys did any of you know early on that your marriage was going to end? Any sinking feeling due to certain events or anything else? My marriage isn’t horrible by any measure, I have a wonderful husband but we went through a rough patch fairly early in our marriage, got out of it and he genuinely made an effort and stuff to fix things. But I resent him and I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. Did any of you had this gut feeling or an obvious one lol that it was inevitably going to end? Or did anyone around you think that and didn’t say it to you but conveyed it later when it did end? I don’t think I’m cutout for it and I think my survival mode has kicked in wherein I’m going by this mindset that okay I know it’s going to end in a few years or ok I’ll give it a few years and leave or ok when I’m stable a bit more financially I’ll leave. And surely that’s not a good sign lol. Just looking for validation and/or any advice. I can’t exactly leave immediately though it certainly did get close to it due to financial constraints and family pressure (from both our families lol, we live in a conservative society & culture) but it often reappears in my head, this inclination to resign from our marriage.

Hi all

I sponsored my partner on a spouse visa 3 years ago.

During that time the child benefit element came to my bank account, as I was the British sponsor.

We had some marital issues past couple of days. My partner is now demanding that the child benefit should go to them. They said their friend told them they can receive it.

I don’t mind this, and I genuinely didn’t know that they can claim. I called hmrc and made the change.

However, this has got me questioning the relationship. Past 3 years this was never an issue and they are financially taken care of, as I am the sole earner and cover all the bills.

They can’t work due to limited capability to work ( language barrier ) and I have attempted to offer them to take courses to upskill, but they make no effort.

The child benefit is not a big issue, but I do feel this is leading onto something potentially bigger.

They are on spouse visa until 2028.

Has anyone been through this sudden change?

Everything came back on me - I'm the ultimate villain in his eyes on one hand, he's a POS and pushes everyone away on the other. It was like whiplash. And we're in the same house and as soon as I left the room I heard him wailing and he feels like I'm destroying our life. He kept bringing up finances and that his parents hate each other but even THEY aren't divorced. I failed to see the logic there - so we should stay together just because of money and because nobody else is divorced around us? I have a pit in my stomach. On one hand I know this is the right move, but on the other, this is fucking hard and will only get harder before it gets easier and I'm scared. I also do feel for him.