I have zero opportunities to find people outside dating apps or bars, and no one wants anything serious with me. It has got to be my looks because I’m not sure what else could be wrong with me…I am so lonely and just want the solace that someone I like could like me back. I am willing to share photos or more info.

If you’re dating a guy and he otherwise checks all your boxes, but he needs to sleep in a separate bed because of sleep issues, would that be a complete deal breaker?

I’ve had sleep issues ever since I was 5 (am 34 now), both with falling asleep and staying asleep. No matter what I’ve tried, various medications, falling asleep techniques, and healthy sleep habits, has solved the issue. Any time I’ve tried to sleep in the same bed with someone it’s just been a disaster for either of us.

I know everyone is different but I’m just curious as to everyone’s perspectives

Edit: I’m honestly quite surprised by the replies so far. I was expecting people to say they’d see it as a lack of intimacy. This gives me hope lol

I've been chatting with this guy from a dating app for AWHILE now. We have potential plans to meet in a few weeks and he told me that he hopes I don't find him weird in person and then as a joke, he was like "but you have also met weirder ass people" (I've told him a couple stories, this is true LOL). I replied with "I've thought this too about myself, I have a good feeling it'll be fine though" and then I sent another message saying "no don't remind me of those people, we twins n all" (referring to me and HIM, he said he feels like we're twins in some ways a few weeks ago) and then sent a cute little gif.

He hasn't said anything to it and replied to my other messages.... which I feel like is kinda odd. Did what I say come off cringey?? I haven't been sappy with a guy in a looong time but he MAKES me wanna be sappy (I'm almost 30 😅 LOL)

Title given. I went through a breakup recently. We had only been together for a month. So, ultimately, it’s nothing I’m mourning. Though it was a fun relationship for the time and she is very kind and sweet.

Now that I’m shifting back into the single lifestyle, basically getting back to doing what I was doing before my recent relationship. I find myself pondering if I’ll ever be someone’s “husband”. I guess not even having a title on it, but feeling like one. I like to think that I have good qualities about me, but I can’t help but feel maybe that I’m not cut out for that deep of a relationship with someone.

It seems like being married is such a regular thing for most ppl, like it’s just something you go through in life. Like getting sick. But idk, I just feel like so separate from that. Maybe it’s because I was never brought up with that being a goal in mind.

I do remember saying that I couldnt imagine myself in a relationship before my last one. So, idk. Maybe one day. Might as well get cozy back in the single lifestyle for x number of years.

All of my close friends are married. In our group chat it’s 4/5 of us that are married. Me being the odd one out. Another friend of mine celebrated his 10 year wedding anniversary. I remember being a groomsman. It’s almost sad to think about how I was in 2016, to now, with nothing to show at all for it on that side of life. .

For context I'm M24 and I've never even held hands with a woman before. Not only that but I've never even made the tiniest bit of effort to approach someone. Never asked for anyone's number, Instagram etc.

I genuinely believe I am the way I am because I've been depressed since I was a child. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, had an abusive father, was bullied because of my weight, and was graped by my cousin when I was 10. All of this led me to figure out isolation is the best way to avoid any conflict with anyone which has made me depressed for the majority of my life.

I'm morbidly obese, only have 3 friends I see a few times a year so basically no social life. I have a useless degree and I'm jobless.

I know very well these flaws need to be fixed before I even think of talking to someone and I am not at all entitled to be loved. I have no delusions, I expect no-one to find me even mildly amusing to talk to let alone attractive.

But that's not the problem, I'm very aware of all my flaws and I know the obvious answer is to fix those if I want to start dating.

The biggest problem is that I believe I will never be able to accept anything good. Even if I fix everything and become the ideal version of myself I genuinely think I will never be able to be social and enjoy having fun with people. I genuinely believe I will only drag somebody down if they engage with me. I can't see myself travelling, enjoying festivals, going out for drinks, eating at a restaurant or a cafe or just doing fun activities with people.

I've been so depressed and I've isolated myself so much that I cannot imagine recovery.

I genuinely feel like I'm hopeless.

I’m average looking have a basic job live a healthy lifestyle no kids . I tried the apps for a while really no luck I do get match I don’t want a hookup . I’m in my 40s I don’t go out alot no idea where to meet someone. Is anyone else In a similar situation ? I rather be single be in something toxic

Hi guys! i’ve been out of the dating game for a while, just took a few years break because i was just not dating the right people for me and my relationships kept ending and i knew it was partially because i wasn’t choosing the right people for me. i took some time to process my prior relationships and figure out where i was going wrong etc etc, and now i’m in a good place mentally, stable with my career, so i have been trying to put myself out there again. i went on a couple dates earlier in the year that unfortunately didn’t work out, and then i had a medical condition unexpectedly sideline me for a couple months and i’m still recovering, so it’s been hard to be active and put myself out there as much.

however, this guy on my apartment floor started a conversation with me last weekend, and he seemed really nice, attractive, maybe interested, and i really like the idea of dating someone nearby tbh (because of my medical condition it’s still hard for me to stay out for long periods of time). we’re in the same career field which is neat as well. since then, i ran into him once earlier this week when we were both coming home from work, but because our way back to our apartments is quick, we didn’t get to talk very long and we didn’t exchange contact info. i have no idea what his schedule is like, so i have no idea when or if i’ll ever run into him again lol. what do you guys think, do you think slipping a note with my number under the door letting him know to hit me up if he wants to get coffee or tea sometime would be too bold?? should i just wait to see if i run into him again…? 😵‍💫i want to make sure he knows i’m interested in getting to know him better but also don’t want to make it weird or scare him off. usually i’m a pretty confident person, but as soon as i comes down to someone i might potentially be interested in, i get nervous and second guess everything lol. plus i haven’t dated seriously in a while, i used to be more upfront about approaching (like in college 😂) but getting older has actually made me more anxious just because of fear of rejection. let me know what you would do in my situation or if you’re a guy what you think i should do 😂 thanks!!

me and my bf have been together for almost 2 years, and we’ve tried spicing up our sex life, one of the things we’ve done is play porn games together

a sore spot for me is that I don’t really believe I’m his type, he says I am, but he himself is very open about attraction and sexual desire towards white women, whereas I feel like he touches me but never compliments me?

I’m not white, it was a point of contention in the beginning of our relationship, and I feel like playing that porn game might’ve brought it back up

it went well, and we both had fun and great sex after, we were both joking and making sexual comments about characters, and one of his just I guess brought up insecurities from the past?

how do i believe im what he likes when i know what his type?

please do not take this as an opportunity to try and push me to be anti porn, i enjoy porn and i had fun doing this, this is just an insecurity within myself that’s hard to shake, but i AM NOT ANTI PORN

edit: we’re both black, that was something I should’ve mentioned

I was always an ugly duckling growing up. I was always horrifically insecure about my lack of romantic experience; just a year or two ago I’d never really dated, I’d kissed a few people on drunken nights out but never anything beyond that. I was 26 and just felt awful about myself. I had a habit of falling hard for people who didn’t feel the same and taking a long time to get over it too. It just felt like nothing worked out for me.

I’m 28 now and In the last couple of years though I’ve noticed a change. I’m more confident and don’t try to impress and people please with everyone anymore. I’ve grown into my looks. I’ve made quite a few close friends, a few of them women, and it kind of made me realise it’s silly to be so nervous around women when they’re just like anyone else. In the last year or so I’ve noticed some girls will be pretty explicit in wanting to have sex with me or thinking I’m attractive. During this time though I had an absolutely massive thing for one of my best friends and couldn’t bring myself to really move on to anyone else.

A few months ago I started seeing someone and she was amazing. It was never gonna work out long term as she’s moving country, and we agreed we’d just enjoy it while she’s here, but we had an amazing few months seeing each other. Eventually with the move looming she admitted that she didn’t want to keep things going if it wasn’t gonna become more serious, as she developed more serious feelings towards the end, and I was clear from the start that I didn’t want to do long distance when the move happened, so we both decided to end things, but we are still on great terms. I’d only had sex once before I met her and being with her regularly like that cleared up so many of my insecurities and fears around sex and intimacy, I’d take her out quite often and we’d just relax together and so much of the ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’ feeling around dating and my wider insecurities have been resolved. I am so thankful I met her, she’s the best.

But one thing was always on my mind, and it was my best friend. I have never laughed how I’ve laughed with her, we both told each other before that we were the most important people in each other’s lives and that our lives changed when we met each other. I meant that; I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. We used to message everyday and when I met this new girl she stopped reaching out. Our social circle had shifted a bit and I was busy with this new dating experience and so I didn’t think much of it at first, but eventually it was clear something was wrong and at a bar with our friends I asked her what was going on, telling her I missed her and it was weird, and she told me she felt confused when I brought this new girl out for the first time; I knew before that she’d went home upset that night but didn’t know why. Over the years all our friends used to tease us about something clearly being there, everyone including her knew how I felt, and while people around us were always kind of bewildered as to why we hadn’t dated, she always maintained adamantly that it was just a friendship. A close mutual friend of ours once told me that when she thinks about what love is supposed to look like she thinks of how me and my best friend are with each other. That night I confronted my friend about being distant she admitted she realises things are more complicated between us both than just simple friendship now and that she took some space because she didn’t want to get in the way of what I had with this new girl.

So I tried and tried to put that to the back of my mind since she told me, but I couldn’t. I do think part of me might have given more into things with this new relationship if that conversation didn’t happen, but maybe not. If I’m being completely honest I was never totally over her, even if seeing this new girl was amazing at the time. In the past couple of weeks since things ended, and with my best friend still quite distant I flung myself back into the dating apps. A few different girls want to go on dates with me in the next couple of weeks now. They’re all attractive, most of them have similar interests, they’re funny. All the same with this girl I was seeing before. On paper she was perfect for me. But I’ve realised now that even though I’d have dreamed of being in this situation before, dating around and enjoying myself, I just can’t get over my best friend. And I think it would be unfair on others to keep dating in this situation. I don’t want to hurt anyone and string anyone along when I’m pining after someone else. I think with this girl I’d been seeing she did get her hopes up for more over time and I couldn’t reciprocate, and I felt absolutely fucking awful for that even though there were other valid reasons for it ending and we’re on good terms. I don’t know what to do, whether to keep dating or wait around hoping eventually these feelings fade.

I’m at a point in life where I’ve spent so much time alone after moving to a new state that I’m incredibly comfortable being by myself.
I moved to Arizona four years ago. When I first got here, I downloaded Hinge and had a decent amount of matches and went on some dates, especially back in 2023. I got into a relationship in 2024 and deleted the app, but we broke up in 2025, and I’ve been single since. I’ve been on and off the app for about a year now.

I’m a 28-year-old straight Chinese man living in Arizona. I don’t think my expectations are too high. I’m not super good-looking, but I’m not unattractive either. I barely get any likes or matches.

Here has been my experience:

A big portion of the profiles I come across have prompts that essentially say "no guys under 6 feet tall," or require a mullet and a mustache. I’m 5'10", clean shaved because I can’t grow facial hair (I mean I can if I wanted to, I just don't want to look like an ancient Chinese philosopher lmao), and frankly, a mullet on an Asian guy seems odd.

Another chunk of profiles are what I call "Scottsdale girls"—women who wants/has a luxurious lifestyle, dress for the wrong kind of attention, love partying in Old Town Scottsdale, high maintenance and probably looking for a sugar daddy. (For those unfamiliar, Scottsdale is a bougie area filled with clubs and bars. Its also a place with country clubs, Ferraris, trophy wives and rich old men) Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against them and wouldn't mind having fun, but they aren't the type of women I'd want to settle down with. I dated one of these girls...Had absolutely no respect for me. Taking her out was more stressful that fun.

Another distinct group is specifically into blue collar guys with pickup trucks. I'm a white collar dude with a decent career. I don't drive trucks, but I do drive a classic car.

The other profiles show low effort and give off a vibe that holding a conversation with them would feel like a chore and doesn't seem like that have a personality and overall just pretty cold people.

Then theres a big group (this might upset some people but please don't take this the wrong way. There is absolutely no hate involved) who are bisexuals, asexuals or queers. ABSOLUTELY nothing against that, I'd just rather date someone straight. Its just a personal preference.

On top of that, when I do get a match, I often don't get a reply.
But when I do get a reply, they're often one word answers.... Then why match with me if you're not gonna have a conversation.

Two months ago, I matched with a woman. We talked and dated for a month until she called it off. She was great, so I was seriously bummed. She was cute, had class, worked hard on her career and self-improvement, was passionate about her family, friends, and hobbies, was super engaging and fun to talk to, and went to church. She had a great personality. She was lively, outgoing and just overall a joy to be around such a healthy person who gave off such healthy vibes. Everything about her just made her so freaking attractive to me.

Back in June, I matched with this girl on Bumbl who said she was into cars. She cared more about getting the attention online as a car girl and I was used as her personal mechanic to install performance parts for her just to remove me on her socials for absolutely no reason after finding someone else to work on her car for her.....

To be honest, it makes me wonder if being Asian is seen as unattractive, and it’s made me feel rather unattractive. I’m genuinely lost. It's like I don't fit in with anyone or any look that is considered desirable. I often wonder if i'll be spending the rest of my 20's alone. Its like finding someone who has at least a little bit of a personality and a wholesome life and way of thinking with great vibes is like finidng a needle in a hay stack in the online dating world.

Basically title. Started seeing this guy early June. He seems like a pen pal at this point (loves texting, we talk every single day) but we’re only seeing each other on average 1-2 times a week. Some weeks not at all.

Definitely no talk of exclusivity, even though I have brought it up a couple months ago and it was confirmed in another off topic conversation that I was not his “girlfriend”. I told him I went out with another guy and he was pretty hurt by it, I felt bad he was hurt but at the same time we’re clearly not exclusive. I don’t understand the idea of texting all the time with no further progression. Why shouldn’t I be dating around?

Is it even worth having another conversation about? Do I just give it up? How would you let someone know? I don’t want to sound bitter about it but at this point it’s becoming annoying of him. We’re both early 30’s (lol)

For whatever it’s worth I do think he likes me which is the weirdest part but maybe he’s just “nice”. He calls me “love”, “baby” and is genuinely nice to me, pays for everything when we go out even when I offer and we’ve both gone through some hard family things and we’ve mutually been there for each other. Is he just a friend???

Literally match with this woman, we talked, hit it off and shared an interest in punk music. It was cool, and she just stopped talking before it went anywhere. Another woman matched with me first, so I matched back and messaged, she never responded. These aren't even women who are out of my league or anything. So many times women like me first, I message first, they put in barely any effort, and ghost. It's very frustrating

You can take good pictures, fill your profile completely, ask your friends to verify what they think about it, browse her profile carefully and messege her first with opener related to details from her profile

It doesn't matter, as 75% will not reply LITERALLY ANYTHING for weeks. Won't unmatch, won't tell you to go fuck yourself, or anything.

I had 10 matches. Literally 3 of them replied at all, and one of them couldn't reply with more than 1 word.

Why would anybody put any effort?

I had the BEST time with this guy. Went on a walk, laid on a football field for hours, sang songs to each other (he likes Taylor swift) even trained him on CPR (just a way to kiss him), wore his jacket for a while, ate lunch, drank matcha, went back to his house, and laid on the couch.

He showed me his baby photos, then he drove me back to my house; we sang all the way home. Then made out for a solid 15 mins, he went down on me (my first time) and I went down on him too(my first time again), it was fun. We ate indian food later, cuddled on the couch, he gave me forehead kisses, played absentmindedly with my legs, very touchy feely. My feet and hands are always cold, he warmed it up for me...called him my human radiator.

(didnt find any red flags, just one thing tho, he had trouble remembering my name, he's white, i'm not, he did apologise for it, but i was taken aback)

He said he'd like to meet again, if I'm into it...then he went back home. For the first 2 days we did chat a while, but last 2 days he's been very busy. He's an entrepreneur in real estate/property and genuinely seems very busy. My last text was "but i do miss you though". That was yesterday morning.

For context, he's 27, i'm 23

What do I do? Do i just wait, cut things off? Don't know if he's actually busy or just not that into me? idk I keep looking at my phone

EDIT: Yeah its been 2 days, no one's that busy to reply to a text. It's over, but atleast I have a good memory of a first date. Modern dating kinda sucks. I thought I was being honest when I texted him "but i do miss you", but that could have been interpreted as clingy or lovebombing. it is what it is lmao

Hi all,

I (M27) have been on multiple dates and have had multiple relationships too.

Out of the 5 "official" relationships of mine, 4 of them were younger (-3-4 years), and 1 was +10years older than me when I was 22.

Despite of going out on dates, I don't feel the same about younger women anymore and I am more inclined towards older women.

Is this weird? Or just me overthinking?

I’ve been seeing many YouTube videos of women complaining about men not approaching them, or complaining that men don’t approach women anymore. These videos are compilations of TikTok videos featuring many different women, some who are very attractive. It blows my mind because I’m a man that actually does approach women and I’ve experienced the complete opposite.
First off, what I’ve learned is that most women are already taken. Some of them seem like they don’t want to be bothered or approached. It’s hard to find a woman that’s single, let alone open to be approached. YouTube videos can also be found of men approaching 100 women in a day and getting rejected by majority of them.
So my question is where are all of these women who are online complaining about not being approached? What city-metro area do y’all live in? It’s like they’re living in an alternate universe. Is it just a small percentage of women and social media makes it seem like a lot? Are they lying about wanting to be approached and making these types of videos for views?
It just blows my mind every time I watch one of these videos because I’m a man who actually approaches women and this is not the vibe I get when I do. So the videos of women complaining about not being approached are very confusing and misleading.

I was seeing a guy for a few months, although we only went on five dates. We went on proper dates, museums, an amusement park, etc and started sleeping together on the third date.

Between the second and third dates, he became distant. I told him things weren’t progressing how I’d hoped and he acknowledged it too. We initially said goodbye but I asked whether he was still curious about getting to know each other. He said yes provided we kept things lighthearted and lowered our expectations.

We continued seeing each other and I grew feelings. Our last date felt wonderful. I planned it and we both enjoyed our activities together and our dinner and he stayed overnight. Afterwards, though, he became noticeably more distant.

When I asked about it, he said he had been holding back because he realistically didn’t think the distance would work. He asked what I thought. I said I believed it could work but he seemed already pulling away so asked whether his decision was final. He said he didn’t think it was right to continue with a strong possibility of wasting each other’s time.

We said goodbye, and I later left the door open if circumstances changed.

For weeks, I wanted to message him. Now, when I think about actually doing it, I don’t even know what to say. The one thing I keep wondering about is that we never discussed me travelling to him or meeting halfway. He always came to my town, although he never invited me to his.

I've been talking to this guy from a dating app but it's been over a month and he hasn't initiated to meet up yet (we message a good bit). I was fine with it till now because I was taking a break from my social life to attend interviews and prepare for them, but now I'm taking a break from interviewing, so I'm down to meet up. I tried hinting at it to him to get him to initiate someething but he was being passive and dense, so I finally asked him straight-up when we're making plans. He said let's make some and asked me couple questions about what I want him to do.

I told him nicely that I prefer he plans something. He asked me a couple more questions and we landed on arcade, and he said he'll do some research to find something. He said we'll do it after halloween. I asked him if he wants to do the weekend after halloween, but he mentioned he can't if that's when one of our cultural holidays falls on (it's a major festive, I'm just not celebrating it because I live far from my family). So I was going to message back saying "okay the weekend after then?" but does it sound like I'm trying too hard?? I feel like he should know to be like "Yeah I can't if the holiday falls on that weekend but I'm free on xyz". Thoughts?

I ideally don't wanna wait so long but I'm really sexually attracted to him and I haven't been like this with someone in a YEAR. My profile says looking for long term but I'm down for casual fun if the person is respectful and cool. I've also been keeping my options open too either way (I have a potential date with another guy planned this upcoming weekend!!), but part of me does feel kinda antsy. I don't like flakey people and I'm gonna be really disappointed if we don't end up meeting up. Should I just wait to see how things play out and if he doesn't suggest anything on his own in a few weeks, cut it off?

I'm a [possibly, not formally diagnosed] neurodivergent straight 40F, and have never been in an LTR. For a while I only dated online (on and off), but never met anyone who liked me as much as I liked them.

I am taking through my university's mental health center (I'm in grad school) a class called "Building Social Confidence." In this class we're encouraged to go out there and meet people in-person, strike up conversations, and just "fake it till you make it." I do struggle with mental health -- like anxiety amongst other things -- and am trying to feel more confident in my own skin these days. I think the more I online date the less confident I feel, so I ditched the apps for that reason (also slim pickings in my age group, paywall, etc.). Now I'm trying to meet people through a run club I'm a part of, not necessarily to date anyone, but just to socialize mainly.

I used to think men didn't want me because of my hobbies and lifestyle choices. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, am vegan and eat whole food plant based, go birding, love to learn new things, like drawing, and I enjoy fitness (run club I'm a part of currently). I also play and compose music professionally.

Now I'm thinking maybe it's neurodivergence talking. I'm not a great communicator of my needs, and I get so scared of asking a guy out, or expressing interest in any way. I just wonder if there are other neurodivergent women, or women with mental struggles who also find it challenging to date out there. I just feel like a relationship just isn't in the cards for me anymore and it just won't happen.

I also seek individual therapy, and maybe this is worth bringing up with her, but just wondering if others out there feel the same.

Like it it’s already late like 7p or 8p why must we try and push it back later and be considerate of the time we planned on? What else can I add as details so that I can post this question and get peoples opinions on this? Ok I’ll keep typing until I can yay

I always that was a good thing, but I was talking to a girl not too long ago and it became apparent she was a very routine based person.

One time I was hanging out with my cousins on a sunday night, and I just said jokingly lets go to the club. Well my cousin took my word for it and next thing I know I was at the club, well I think I gave them an excuse to go.

When I had said that to the girl, she said she's not THAT spontaneous, altho to me thats not a very spontaneous thing.

For me the way she said, its like I decided to go skydiving on a whim. Thats the highest spontaneity level I do, other stuff like the club to me just seem common for most ppl, or at least thats what I thought.

Im not complaining, Im not gonna stop being that way but it was just funny when she said that 😂

I’m a guy and was in an unhealthy marriage where I was made to feel inadequate, and when I tried giving affection it was frequently rejected.

Fast forward a good length of time, counseling, working on my self esteem and self, reconnecting with family, and so on.

When I got back into dating, the first couple relationships I had, the girls were fine but also not exactly what I’d describe as “perfectly functional adults.” Definitely not mean girls like my ex and the relationships were shorter but fine.

I now am dating a woman who very much is a well put together, sweet, confident, normal person. I know I bring a lot to the table myself and I don’t have low self esteem despite everything I went through in my toxic marriage. But I can’t help feeling this person’s emotional maturity borderline puts them out of my league. I am decent looking and not intimidated by a good looking woman, I’m financially situated and never felt threatened by a career woman, etc etc. But being with someone who is nurturing, kind, patient, etc, I can’t help but feel like somehow I am gonna mess things up.

Can anyone relate?

I'll speak from the male side of this argument because that's all I've got.

I'm in my mid 30s and use a couple different apps, as in they're on my phone whenever I want to use them. The demographic of potential "dating" partners around my age have a strange habit of showing their own nuttiness. On their profiles you will see, first and foremost, "NO BULLSHIT! NO GAMES!!" or there's some type of political angle. Btw, ladies, us guys know what the whole plot that's being pulled with that on Tinder, Bumble, etc. Don't need to go into it, just know that we know. No, seriously, we know.

Anyway, there's a bizarre haze over these apps for anyone 30+. Probably giving it a shot after a divorce. Married way too young to begin with. Never really had a plan, but have 2+ kids somehow. This is the fate and playing field for both men and women on there.

You don't need to tell us that you're "finding/rediscovering" yourself. It just makes it sound like you haven't been doing anything at all and finally realized that. Remember like 10 years ago, when people would put "Let's go on an adventure!" in their app profiles? Yeah, they're all apparently rediscovering the adventure now.

This next one is going to sound harsh, but it is what it is. It's even weirder to say you're reinventing yourself when all of your pictures are extreme closeups of your coconut-ass head. To further this not-trying-to-be-a-dick moment, but if your pics are all just your head, we also know why. Just like you tell us, you'll get all lot further by showing your true self.

Perhaps this thread could be a fun sharing of ideas between both sides of the argument, seeing as we're not in our 20s anymore and the whole hot just because thing wore off for us.

Roast our profiles back, ladies, we can take it. As long as it's true.