I’m heartbroken. I’m disappointed with this year, with Worlds, and with how far away we feel from the Cloud9 I fell in love with. And I think what makes this hurt so much is that I’ve been here long enough to remember everything this team can mean.
My fandom started when Balls, Meteos, Hai, Sneaky, and LemonNation qualified for the NA LCS in 2013. I watched those five come into the league and take over. The goofy personalities, the confidence, the way they played together. That was the beginning of something I had no idea would still mean this much to me all these years later.
I remember Hai’s collapsed lung and Link stepping in for All-Stars. I remember the rivalries with TSM, the finals, the wins, and the losses that stayed with you long after you closed the stream. I remember watching that original roster slowly become a memory and wondering what Cloud9 would look like without the players who made me a fan.
Then came more reasons to believe. Hai coming back in the jungle. The 2015 gauntlet run. Reverse sweeps that felt impossible until somehow we were watching them happen. This team taught me that counting them out too early was a mistake.
I remember the years when Worlds meant hoping Cloud9 could carry NA just a little further. Getting out of groups when we were already written off. Giving us another series, another week, another reason to set an alarm and believe.
And then there was 2018.
Watching us sweep Afreeca and make Worlds semifinals is something I’ll never forget. For a moment, a Worlds final felt within reach. Then Fnatic ended the run, and it hurt—but we had gone far enough to dream about something that big. I was so proud of that team.
I’ve watched the rosters change, favorites leave, and new players give us reasons to care. I’ve watched us finally lift the trophy again after years of waiting, and I’ve watched seasons full of promise fall apart. Through all of it, I’ve kept coming back.
That’s why tonight hurts. There are years of memories behind the disappointment. I know what it feels like to watch this team make us proud, and I want so badly to feel that again.
I don’t want us to live off the past forever. I want better for this team. I want a Cloud9 that earns its place at the top of NA and goes to Worlds ready to fight for something. Loving this team doesn’t mean pretending this year was good enough.
But I also can’t pretend I’ll ever stop caring.
I still dream about another trophy. Another Worlds run that has us all losing our minds together. Another moment where the rest of the region has fallen and everyone turns toward that blue-and-white logo because there’s still a chance.
I want to hear “NA’s last hope” and know they mean us again.
I don’t know when that day comes. But when it does, I want to be here; the same fan who watched those original five qualify in 2013, still cheering for the team they made me fall in love with.
Until then, I’ll be disappointed. I’ll be frustrated. And when the next season starts, I know I’ll find myself believing again.
After all these years, I still dream in blue.
It just hurts tonight. Real bad.