Hi all! I’m looking for some outside perspective on an uncomfortable situation with my roommate. We’re both women (19F and 22F) and have lived together since August. Things were honestly great until recently.

She’s always been sensitive to noise and very particular about cleanliness, which I’ve generally had no problem accommodating. I’m also a homebody and rarely have anyone over. She likes to choose where everything goes in the shared spaces which is fine with me because I have no interior design skills lol, so I felt like we were a perfect roommate match

The first issue was weed smell. I used to smoke on our patio, but some smell got inside, so she asked me to smoke elsewhere. I agreed and started going to the pool deck, showering afterward, keeping everything in an airtight container, using air purifiers, airing out the apartment, etc. She continued bringing up the smell, so I eventually switched to carts because I was exhausted from trying to eliminate it. She also started asking me personal questions about how often I smoked, why I had stopped and started again, how often I planned to, etc., which I wasn’t comfortable discussing.

More recently, she’s become increasingly concerned about my sleep schedule. I have insomnia, so sometimes I’m awake late and will quietly get water/snacks, sit on the patio, or use the kitchen. She eventually told me I was affecting her sleep, but whenever I asked what specifically was waking her up, she was very vague, saying “you know, nothing crazy, like I can’t ask you to not exist here, just like dishes maybe.”

I started being extremely careful at night—leaving dishes/trash in my room, taking my shoes off, walking quietly, being careful with doors/cabinets, etc. She still brought it up and eventually asked, “can we just not use the cabinets from 12am-6am and like just not be in here please?”

That’s where I got frustrated. I told her I understand wanting to sleep and I’m happy to be respectful, but I also pay to live here and shouldn’t feel like I can’t get water or exist in the shared spaces at night. I asked her repeatedly to tell me exactly what noise was bothering her so I could fix it, but she kept focusing on my sleep schedule instead and said that she didn’t want to have the conversation with me “while I was so emotional.” I just ended the conversation and told her “I’m tired of you being so invasive and making me uncomfortable to exist in my own home. We will not have this conversation again because there’s nothing more I can do.” I wasn’t yelling, but I was definitely frustrated.

There have also been some boundary issues around religion. She knows I’m not Christian and have religious trauma, but has asked me to remove spiritual items from shared spaces because they trigger her, while also encouraging me to attend church and giving me religious items/prayer sheets including a sheet of prayers to help me sleep at night. I’ve always politely declined and avoided making it an issue.

I genuinely do not want be an inconsiderate roommate, because I’ve never lived with anyone else except my sister, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m always trying not to make someone upset in my own home by simply getting water. AITAH?

Tell me honestly if AITA.
Exam season is currently going on. Last night, I slept at 2:30 AM and got up at 6:30 AM to revise and make sure I reached my exam center at least 20 minutes early for some last-minute revision. To make that happen, I needed to leave my place by 9:25 AM at the absolute latest for a 10:00 AM exam.
My flatmate, who always does everything at the very last minute, walked into my room at 9:23 AM and asked if I was leaving. I already had my bag in my hands and was about to lock my room door. She looked at me, chuckled, and said,"Are you really wearing that to the exam? Haha, when are you leaving?"
I told her, "Literally right now."
She left my room, and when I stepped out into the common area, I didn’t see her anywhere. I left the flat at 9:25 AM.
At 9:28 AM, she called me just as I had started my scooter's engine. I knew that if I answered, she would ask me to wait "just 5 minutes," which with her always turns into 10–15 minutes. If that happened, I would have panicked, lost my buffer time, and wouldn't have been able to revise or walk into the exam with a calm mind. Answer sheet distribution starts at 9:45 AM, and we can start filling in our details by 9:50 AM.
So, I didn't pick up. Even though technically I could have answered and waited for her, I chose not to.
AITA?

There is an upscale home goods shop in my town that advertised a pair of nightstands for $500 on their Instagram story. They made it very clear that the price was for the pair.

Today, I confirmed in person that the price was for both night stands. The store rang me up for the amount advertised and loaded both into my car. I drove off and went home.

About 20 minutes later, they called to basically say, “Oops, that price was actually for each nightstand individually, so now we either need you to pay for the second one or return both back to the store. They were imported from France, and this would be a huge loss to our business."

I'm beyond irritated and told them to give me the night to think about it. I know I’m under no legal obligation to return the nightstands or pay more money than what was initially advertised and charged, but WIBTAH if I didn’t?

I just went on a trip with my husband and my in-laws a few weeks ago. It was entirely planned by them, around their schedule, and the activities were whatever they wanted and I just tagged along as the wife.

My husband and I are now going on a trip to the States (we’re Canadian) with my parents to attend my cousin’s wedding. It’s being paid for entirely by my family and we’re going for the sole purpose of attending a wedding. My cousins, aunts, and uncles are flying in from other cities and countries. For some reason, when my husband told my father-in-law about our trip, my FIL insisted that my husband’s sister meet us there too and asked me if she could attend the wedding as well. I hesitated and said I could ask my cousin and left it at that.

Fast forward, and my FIL is still pushing for her to come. I saw she texted my husband and asked him what days we would be there. I feel frustrated because I’m going there to be able to spend time with MY family this time and I find this really intrusive. I also thought it was insanely weird to be texting my husband about this trip and not communicating or asking me, since it is a trip I booked and a trip I’m going on with my family.

But I’m not sure if I’m overreacting and being petty. I don’t want to be cold either. Do I even have a valid reason to be upset and bring this up to my husband?

Ok so background…. I am being induced with my first baby this weekend. It’s my in-laws first grandchild. My in-laws are very conservative and somewhat anti-vax. We asked our families to get updated TDAP and flu shots. My family agreed with no issues (and actually got measles titers/boosters because we’re in PA at the center of the outbreak). My husband’s parents freaked out and basically said they’ve never gotten it, never will, and they understand that “it means they’ll see him less”. They went into other things such as they’re “healthy” and don’t need it, the Bible said “this” would tear families apart, vaccines don’t work, they bet MY parents got it, etc. We were pissed and they knew we were mad at them. It wasn’t until my SIL told them that they’re being selfish and they hurt their son that they sort of changed their tune and had a normal convo with my husband about it, but are still refusing to get the flu shot. They also have a history of giving us COVID and lying about it.

Now, I know that I cannot force anyone to do anything nor do I want to force anyone to do anything. But it’s my baby being born during flu season and I’d like to do everything I can to protect him. His family has a history of his mom not being very kind to us/me and I don’t want to start off having a baby just giving into them again. In this situation, I feel like it is so much more than the flu shot and more so the principle of their reactions to things. If they would’ve had a normal convo the first time I really don’t think I’d feel this strongly. We felt completely disrespected at their initial reaction and I feel as though it requires some sort of consequence. My husband says well they can “just see him (baby) less”, but that’s abstract and I feel like doesn’t really teach them a lesson. We discussed having the boundary of them not being able to hold him for a little while, but being able to meet him. WIBTAH for drawing this boundary? Or is it petty?

I don’t even know where to start with this, I feel like I’m losing my mind.

For months now my friend‘s dad has been obsessed with specifically only *my* urinary habits - gods that sounds weird written out.
He completely believes that when he finds splashes of water on the UNDERSIDE of the lid that its from women peeing. He has told me that ‘anatomically’ it can’t be from a man (What?!) i have told him it’s from flushing the toilet, when ANYONE flushes the toilet but he’s convinced of two things: It’s only by a woman, and it HAS to be me even though there is a whole large family using the toilet)

I clean the toilet seat (top and underside) *every time* I use the restroom - it’s one of my OCD obsessions. (I have Literal OCD, not the cute kind, the crippling kind and cleaning the toilet seat was already part of that but now it’s got so much worse.)

and he STILL has been taking pictures of the toilet seat (supposedly, after I’ve used the toilet???) and he says the splashes are from me.

He has done this over and over AND OVER TO ME, not anyone else in their house - just me. I’m the only one he talks about, yells at, or takes pictures of the toilet

I have a history of being horrifically abused growing up and I know this isn’t on the same level but I’m still… this is messing me up.

I want to laugh? But I’m also so angry and upset I want to scream

Edit: I live here for the moment, I‘m disabled and I don’t have the money to get a new place right now. So I have a room here and the restroom is the only one in the common area. 

Edit edit: I pay rent and I do chores that I can. They have always treated me like I was an adopted family member and they don’t want me to go, getting upset and going as far as cancelling my plans when I try to leave (like one time I was meant to move and they all told me that I couldn't do that and that I wouldn’t know what if be doing and I wouldn’t be safe etc etc and they didn’t leave me alone till I cancelled my train ticket etc.) and I do love them, but this isn’t healthy.

TLDR: my (35F) mom (63F) expects not to pay an electric bill at our shared residence because we decided to get solar panels and she did not consent to that project. She used to pay a percentage of the electric bill when we were paying Eversource, but she refuses to "pay our loan" to get energy from the solar we had installed because "if we're not paying an electric bill, why should she?"

My mother just finished constructing her ADU on my property. She paid handsomely for the ADU, minus a 50K interest-free loan that my husband and I took out and have to pay when we eventually sell the property. The idea is that she builds this adu, and then lives rent/mortgage free for the rest of her life. We had agreed she'd pay utilities and a portion of property taxes, at least until she retires, at which point we will reassess.

While her ADU was being built, she was living in in a small apartment on our first floor and paying a quarter of the electric bill. Now that she Is living in the ADU, which draws electric through our house, she was still going to pay a quarter of the electric bill.

The issue is this:

Several months ago we decided that we would install solar on our property. We "bought' the infrastructure using a loan that we are now paying in place of an electric bill. When we decided to do this, we asked my mom if she wanted to pay a quarter of the loan. She vehemently did not want to do that and, was, I now know, insulted that we would even ask. She told us she thought solar was a boondoggle and that it wasn't going to pay for itself, and she wanted no part of it.

Ok, I guess that's her right, so then we decided we'd get a sub meter on her house and just have her pay market rate for her usage (which is a pain in the ass for everyone, but whatever).

I thought the issue was settled.

Well now it's a few months later and the solar panels are finally up and working, and she asked me about the bill. During the course of our conversation it came out that she believes that if "we are not paying an electric bill, then she shouldn't either."

She believes that because she never consented to the project or paying our loan, she shouldn't have to pay anything because we're not paying an electric bill. I tried to explain that we're not getting free electricity, we're still paying for it, we're just paying for the infrastructure rather than paying Eversource. She will not be swayed in her opinion. She said that forcing her to pay market rate for her usage if we're not paying for our electricity (from the grid) is "extortion."

I tried to explain until I was blue in the face that we ARE paying for electricity, just in a different way, but she absolutely refuses to pay the loan because that was "our project, not hers." I asked if she thought that she was entitled to free electricity because she decided she didn't want solar panels. Her response was, "Is it really so bad to give your mother a break?"

Ok...so this is a different issue. Now she's telling me that at 63 years old and not yet retired, she thinks I should be throwing her a bone of free electric for the next 20-25 years?? That is not what we had planned on when she moved in, but apparently us deciding against her wishes to do the solar totally erases any previous expectations.

I should say that my husband and I are living in a nice home and we have money to buy everything we need and some things we want, but we are not saving any money right now. We have 2 kids, and are planning for their futures and for retirement etc. We are comfortable, but just so.

My mother, on the other hand, is completely house poor now that her build is finished. She makes an incredible hourly rate at her job, but she is per diem and there hasn't been much work lately. Her POV is heavily influenced by the fact that "she is at the end of her earning career, while we are just starting out." Never the less, she is planning on getting a dog soon and having a wood stove installed (she has electric heat) just because she wants it.

Well, we ended literally screaming at each other in my kitchen and I told her to get out. It was bad.

The part that freaks me out the most is that I literally do not understand her POV, like, at all, and she literally does not comprehend mine. How two people can perceive the same situation so differently is mystifying.

AITAH for expecting my mom to pay her share until she retires? Normally I would feel justified in my position, but her complete faith that she is right in this situation and that I am "extorting" her makes me wonder if I'm missing something?

For context, im in university and live in uni accommodation. My flat has 8 rooms total and we all have our own bathroom and shower in our rooms. Theres 4 rooms on each side of the hallway and a kitchen between room 4 and 5, as well as small storage units between room 4 and the kitchen. The building is well insulated, you genuinely cannot hear anything including vacuumes, hairdryers etc unless you stand out in the hallway.

Than being said, last year i was room 4, the washing machine in the kitchen is on room 4's side. Ive always been more of a night owl, so i do all my cooking and washing at night. And because i was in that room, i know for a fact that you cant hear the washing machine at all from that there. You can bearly even hear it out from the hallway. This year, im in a different room and for a month straight, i did my usually washing at night with no complaints. Then the washing machine broke so me and my flatmates starting talking about it, and they mentioned never seeing me use it so i told them i only use it at night. After that conversation, the girl staying in room 4 messaged me asking if i could the washing machine earlier because the noise has been keeping her up all night.

Now i know for a fact that shes lying, because shes very vocal and wouldve absolutely said something the first time, she sleeps early and wakes up early all happy and refreshed, and i know that you cant hear anything going on in the kitchen from that room. But it was whatever, i agreed and stopped.

She goes out every saturday and comes back around 3am, so i started doing the washing when shes not in, but one day she came eaely and saw me chilling in the kitchen, she came in to say hi and saw that there were clothes in the machine (the cycle was done at that point) and got upset that i didnt respect her wishes. Again, i know shes just being a control freak but im introverted and dont want to live with someone that hates me so i just apologised and said i wont do it again.

Fast forward to last week, she came back from clubbing and heard my shower on (you can only faintly hear it if youre in the hallway) so next morning she sent a text to the flats groupchat asking if everyone can respect the quiet hours and to please not make noise at night. My other flatmates were confused and asked what happened so she told them i was always doing things in the kitchen and showering at night. My other flatmates did kinda call her bs out and told her that they all take night showers, make a late night snack every now and then, and that she cant hear that. She got pissed at all of us because until now, she thought i was the only one at up so late since shes literally sleeping at night as has no awareness of any noise going on.

But that just annoyed me, i dont need to be told what to do by someone with control issues so i just went back to my old routine and now shes so pissed at everyone so shes being difficult about shared spaces

Edit- forgot to mention that there are no actual quiet hours. Im in england and most uni accomm here is basically like living in a rented flat plus some rules about fire safety. There are absolutely no rules regarding being quiet, youre just encouraged to be respectful of eachother

As the title says, my neighbour is a Jehovah’s Witness. Lovely person but does not shit up about her church shit.

I 29M shut it down fast and advised i dint care to hear about it and not to bring it up again, my Partner however 26F is a people pleaser and wouldn’t hurt a fly shes just an amazing woman anyway little did i know up until today the neighbour has been taking every opportunity while I’m out at work etc to talk to my partner and because my partner doesn’t want to “hurt” the neighbours feelings wouldn’t say no stop. Anyway today she told me she mucked up and agreed to go to church on Sunday regularly with the neighbour but doesn’t actually want to she just couldn’t say no, she told me shes been what i call harassing her about her religious garbage for weeks.

I have sorted it by going over and telling her to essentially fuck off, but I feel as though I’ve possibly been a bit hard on the neighbour regardless i tell myself they are a recruitment cult that actively push their junk on you.

Am I an asshole for this or am I right?

I don’t care for religion but if you need it or like it good for you, i just don’t need it.

I want to keep this simple. A possible housemate has indicated they cannot do cleaning themselves, that they would have caregivers coming multiple times a week and the caregivers can do light cleaning duties.
After 15 years renting with many people in the state capital, I am asking for someone who cleans as much as I do, is interested in having a very clean house. Also someone who is quiet and introverted.
I do not want to go ahead with this applicant because they cannot clean to the standard that I am looking for, I also do not like having people in the house constantly, regardless of who they are.
How do you weigh up the fact that my choice to not go ahead is possibly considered ableist but also I am not comfortable with people coming in and out of the house I don't know weekly, and that the cleaning will not be done to the standard I'm looking for.

Also in regards to my last post, that housemate ended up being wonderful, we worked everything out, and are friends, they just moved cities.

I scan Special Exhibition tickets at an art museum. This is my only job, full time, which I need while I go to school. At 4:30 pm, we stop selling Special Exhibition tickets because the museum is about to close. BUT, at 4:30 the museum’s permanent collection (80% of the museum) is free.

At 4:40 pm, a man (white, maybe 40’s or 50’s) comes up to the Special Exhibit entrance and says he’s a veteran. He asks since he served this country, and the museum is about to close, can we let him in for free? My friend and I said no and he made a scene. He said “you’re turning away a vet and his family. You know how that looks right?”

AITAH for not letting him in the special exhibit? He gets to see the permanent collection for free (vets always get permanent collection for free). I’m not a supervisor. I don’t make the rules. And I personally have never let anyone in without a ticket (except for maybe when a coworker comes in on an off day).

i was in a past situationship with a girl for a while, things ended horribly, she confessed she missed her ex and that she basically played me the whole time in the hopes of getting rid of her feelings for her past relationship

i tried ending everything on a good note, even straight up telling her that just because we won’t talk anymore doesn’t mean we have to leave on a bad note

she agreed and everything was fine for about 6 months

i find out later from a friend who’s in contact with this girl that she’s been telling people that she “played the autistic girl”

for context , yes i am autistic but no one knows this, only my best friend and my family know, it’s not something i tell people, and she knows that VERY well

word about me being autistic has been spreading now

in an act of complete anger, i began to tell my friend a secret of hers as a sort of “revenge”
it wasn’t anything harmful, just embarrassing, something she probably wouldn’t want people to know

i felt so much relief telling my friend about her secret but now that i think about it i feel like such an asshole

edit : secret is in the comments gulp

I (26F) am an ER nurse and am 32 weeks pregnant currently. Today I was floating around the ER and just helping everyone in general. I have never had an issue with a coworker or ER provider before, and I generally get along pretty well either way everyone.

Today we had a patient who was severely autistic and nonverbal and needed a Foley catheter replaced. Guardian told us he has to be medicated with Ativan beforehand and it takes around 5-6 people to hold him down for it as he’s a strong guy.

My worker, who I’ll call C, was the primary nurse. She mentioned the patient seemed to like me as he actually let me take vital signs on him calmly (EMS couldn’t get any due to being combative) and kept trying to show me things on his iPad and reach out to hold my hand and guardian even stated that was unusual for him and he seemed calm with me.

C asked me for help administering IM Ativan before the procedure. I don’t restrain or lift people anymore as I am not risking getting kicked or punched while heavily pregnant. But they said they would restrain and all I had to do was give the shot as she felt he’d be calmer with me since he liked me. They had tried to replace his catheter earlier ( no clue if they gave anything then as I wasn’t there for it) and they couldn’t do it and had to call urology down for help as the catheter seemed stuck.

Urologist wanted a 14fr catheter which we didn’t have available in the unit. Since I was floating, I called another unit and asked them to set me some aside so we could give the IM Ativan for the second attempt and I could run upstairs to grab the catheter while the Ativan kicked in.

So it was me, C, ER doc and guardian at bedside, I was talking to the patient the whole time and he actually didn’t even have to be restrained for me to give the shot and didn’t seem to react much when I gave it as he was still trying to show me his iPad. I walked out of the room to then immediately go upstairs to grab the catheter.

The urologist happened to be walking in at that same time and stated,” where is the catheter?”. I informed him I was on my way to grab it and it would only be about 2 minutes for me to be back. He then said,” well I needed this 2 minutes ago”. I said,” I was in the room administering the medicine. I can’t do both things at once so I’ll be back shortly with the catheter.”

I turned towards the door when he snapped his fingers at me and said,” then go fetch, go run”. I literally froze and turned towards look at him and said,” excuse me?” He then once again snapped his fingers at me and said,” go, go running” in a rude tone. I almost lost my shit.

I said,” we’re not doing this ( snapped my fingers), I’m not a dog to be fetching your things. So you can check that attitude at the door while I go get those catheters.” He stood there frozen and didn’t say anything and I walked away. When I came back, he was in the room snapping at people, including the ER doctor. When I walked in, I calmly placed the catheters on the table and walked out. My coworker and ER doctor stated that he was grumbling under his breath the whole time and he just immediately walked out the ER once he finished the procedure.

My ER director asked me what happened later and was shocked he actually snapped his fingers at me and said she’d bring it up as it was highly disrespectful. One of my coworkers told me I could’ve just kept quiet and ignored him and I’m wondering if I was wrong and should’ve handled it differently. The ER doctor didn’t actually say anything but he first bumped me silently when he came out the room. So AITAH?

My therapist says I'm not the asshole, but this was just so confusing. I could really use some perspective and insight. There might be a whole layer of funeral etiquette I am missing. When I was very little I had really good preschool teacher "Joan" who owned her own daycare. I went there for about 7 years. Joan was a great teacher who really had a positive impact on me. One of the many good things Joan did was introduce me to her daughter "Cassie" who is the same age as me. Cassie became a lifelong friend. Though we aren't always in contact, we have been close at various parts our life.

a few months ago Joan died, and I was invited to the funeral. I few from another state there. Grief is really important to me. I spent a lot of time reflecting on Joan and the impact she had on my life. I myself am a teacher now, and the things Joan did for me as a child were really amazing. I wanted to go there and pay my respects and gratitude toward Joan and remember her.

Cassie, hasn't always had the best relationship with her Mother, and I've often heard her talk about her problems. When Cassie found out she was dying, she attempted to visit Joan. Joan apparently wouldn't let her, and disinherited her from the will. This of course has been really hard for Cassie.

I pictured myself showing up to a church like setting, seeing Cassie and giving her hug and talking for a bit, then discretely taking my seat in the back, I knew Cassie would be surrounded by local friends, and listening to the service. I would offer my condolences, but quietly grieve by myself. The family was catholic so I assumed a church service.

When I got there, it was very different. I greeted the family and I was of course directed to Cassie, who was sitting at a round table with friends. The service was not in a church, but a lovely room full of round tables. I sat with Cassie and her friends, where everyone was chatting about their lives. I also talked about my own life, and felt myself distracted from the grief, but whatever it was fine.

The non-religious service began, and Joan's obituary was read very matter-of-factly. After that there was time for people to share their memories of Joan. The stories people were sharing felt very strange, they didn't seem to actually talk much about Joan. For example, one person talked about how Joan owned a horse, and how after that they also bought a horse. Then they talked about how much they loved their own horse and all the good times they had with said horse. Joan was just mentioned because she also had a horse. They talked more about their horse than Joan. Someone else has a similar story where Joan was briefly mentioned, then they talked about something else entirely. They weren't talking about Joan at all, just sort of mentioning her in other antidotes that barely overlapped.

This was strange to me, but people grieve how they grieve. After many people went, I talked about what a great preschool teacher Joan was to me. I talked about the positive impact she had on my life, the gratitude I felt for her, and the things about her I thought were awesome, etc. To me, this was what paying my respects was. I was there to honor her life, to reflect and grieve, and also offer condolences to others. I didn't talk very long and tried to be respectful of time and space I was using.

After I said my little piece, it got rather quiet and awkward. Cassie looked upset. Then someone quickly went back to another story that didn't involve Joan. After that Cassie went outside and her friends, including me followed her out. Cassie cried, and expressed a lot of anger. She explained what a slap in the face it was that her mom impacted so many children's lives in a positive way, but had such a tough relationship with her. I felt terrible, realizing I had just rubbed salt in the wound.

I wanted to apologize, and when it was more quiet I did think I may have attempted to. But in that moment it was clear Cassie just needed to be upset and angry and I felt rushing to an apology might make it about me and my feelings while I think the focus needed to be on her. Her anger didn't appear to be directed at me, but rather at Joan. We talked later, and after the service I went with Cassie and her friends for drinks, where I made a point to listen as much as possible and non-insert my own relationship with Joan. Cassie did appear very hurt and upset and I couldn't tell if she was upset with me for saying that. Hopefully I smoothed things over but I can't really tell.

At the time, I thought the way people were barely talking about Joan was about sort of self-absorbed, but looking back I think it may have been on purpose to not trigger those like Cassie who had a strained relationship. I had no idea this was a thing at funerals, holding back your affections for the deceased out of respect for those grieving. I had always been raised to believe you said a bunch of good things about the deceased at their funerals, even if you couldn't stand them. I always thought that's what it meant to pay your respects.

I am very confused now, who are funerals actually for? Are they for the deceased? I wanted to remember Joan and give her my gratitude. My therapist says what I did is okay, because funerals are for grieving, and part of my grief process was remembering her and what she did for me. But I feel like what I did imposed on Cassie's grief and I never meant to do that. Is this a thing in completions families to behave like this? Is this just how some families do funerals?

Update:

Thank you all so much for your comments and insights. I appreciate being reminded about the completes of grief, and how I am entitled to grieve my way, and so is Cassie, and that's okay. For those saying Cassie was "trying to make it all about her" please know Cassie is one of the sweetest, kindest, and compassionate people I know. She was not in charge of the funeral, and did not plan it. Being estranged from her mom has lead her to being more on the outskirts, and at the service she sat at a different table than her siblings and father. She did help out at the funeral, but did not plan it.

Please know I am on the autism spectrum, and often struggle to "read the room" or pick up on what is happening on the social environment. I rely heavily on etiquette and social rules on how to act as my social intuition doesn't really work. As a child I naively embarrassed my parents in public by saying or doing something inappropriate and having no idea. I was concerned this was on of those situations, it may have been. I also wanted to know if this was a thing, like an unspoken social rule at some funerals, we talk about the deceased without talking about the deceased, it seemed like that was what was happening. It felt like another social rule to pick up on.

I now believe that what I said did not make me the asshole, but it was on some level insensitive to Cassie, which is not what I wanted. Cassie is entitled to be hurt that her mom bonded with other children, while having a tough relationship with her own daughter. That's reasonable and not my fault. I don't think Cassie's hurt was directed at me for mentioning, but rather at Joan. I do want to be a good friend to Cassie while also expressing gratitude towards Joan. Grief is a complex dance. But I like the advice you all gave about respecting what Cassie is going through while also respecting my own grief. To the person who suggested reading about rings of grief, I will look that up. There's a difference between being insensitive and an asshole. Not everyone would be offended the way Cassie was, and while I knew it was hard for her, I didn't think she would take my send off to heart the way she did. At the same time it makes perfect sense she was so hurt and that deserves its own layer of respect.

Thanks again!

Decided to go back in case it had an effect on the employee, they let me keep the cup 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yesterday morning I went to a national coffee chain to grab my usual morning coffee. I went inside and needed a new hot mug so I grabbed one from the shelf. When the barista asked what they can get me I said, the cup and then gave my order. It’s not until just now I’m realizing she never charged me for the new mug. AITAH if I don’t go back and tell her?

Allow me to explain my mum has gotten into a relationship with a guy who is younger than me, for context I am 36 in 5 days and he is not even 30 yet. She met him on Snapchat and only told me about him literally 4 days ago and he's been staying at hers for 3 days so I'll let you figure out the reason why she decided to tell me so quickly.

Anyway there are other things I should also clarify like the fact that my 15 nearly 16 year old sister with adhd has grown overly attached to him and is even calling him her dad, and that she was also sitting in between his legs while he was next to my mum on her bed.

Then there is also the fact that I my autistic 11yr old daughter repeats everything she hears and he swears like a sailor and I've had to say about his language while on video call with my mum. When I am on video call I make sure she doesn't see him and he doesn't see her and I explicitly said "I'm sorry but I don't know you well enough to see my daughter" and he was ok with that which I am grateful for but I don't know there's just something about this relationship that doesn't sit right with me about all of this and the relationship is making me ill with worry and I'm worried that pretty soon I'm going to end up in hospital because of all the stress this is causing me, so WIBTAH for going nc with my mum and stopping her from seeing her granddaughter until she decides which relationship is more important to her?

So I (16f) and my sister (12f) go to the same building for school and we were getting ready for the day, and about to leave for school when my dad sees what she’s wearing.

He gets on her that it’s inappropriate for her to be wearing shorts and a tank top with a push up bra to school in October in Canada, he calls it too revealing and asks me to back him up.

I say nothing because I didn’t want to pile on because I don’t appreciate it when they try to drag me into conversations. Afterwards on the walk to the bus stop I told her as lightly as I could that she doesn’t dress appropriately for school or for her age at all, and that I’m concerned she’s presenting herself as “mature” for guys.

She started to scream at my that I was being weird and to just butt out but she’s already attracting a lot of weird attention and I’ve heard a lot of rumours of the guys she talks to and I’m suspicious of her vaping which wouldn’t be uncommon for my school. She has a long history of behavioural issues, which I’m concerned about especially because she’s resistant to therapy and medication

AITAH For telling her she dresses age inappropriate?

Edit: I can’t exactly directly tell you who she’s dressing like this for but the rumours mainly circulate around her and this boy 2 years older than her (12 and 14 doesn’t sound too bad but it’s wildly different development stages) and so I think she wants to dress like that to fit in and feel mature. (Again this is just my personal opinion, I can’t say for certain)

Funeral was of a distant relative we didn't know well, and we were at that relative's house. The house was quite big so me (17F) and all my paternal cousins were placed in a separate room. I'm not that close with my cousins so I was just on my phone. The other cousins were chatting and joking around with each other. My brother (13M) asked my cousin (22F), let's call her, Taffy, if she was gonna hit the gym anytime soon.

Taffy replied that she was probably gonna go to a female only gym if she goes. Then Taffy's brother (23M), let's call him Aaron, told the room that's because his sister was a high value woman. I was really disgusted at this statement and told him my mom (who is very religious and wears the Hijab) went to a regular gym and there's no correlation with that with being a "high value woman". He replied that he just meant some women just go to the gym to show their ass, to which me and my female cousins started calling him out, but i could tell apart from me my other female cousins were laughing and treating it as a joke.

My other male cousin (18M) said women do do that and if men try to say anything, they get all the rape allegations. Aaron added to that laughing about how it's hard to raise these topics among 'raging feminists', I replied to that saying was that supposed to be an insult, and that it was shameful he wasn't a raging feminist considering he lived with his single mom and his sister, and i said this very loudly, so the room went silent.

I got a talking from the adults and my mom has to hear and earful from Aaron and Taffy's mom (she's my dad's sister and has always made my mom's life miserable) saying how she should raise her daughter properly and it's unfit for a woman to raise her voice this loudly and cause a scene at a funeral. My mom didn't defend what Aaron and my other cousin said, but she told me I could've just kept quiet since it was a funeral setting.

I'm not sorry for speaking up but I do feel guilty my mom had to hear all of that because of me and it was also a funeral setting, people were mourning, even if we were in another room- so i am wondering if it was okay for me to speak up in that situation.

AITA?

Ok so my mom joined a religious cult centered around A.I. I’ve been struggling with this mentally because sometimes she is untethered to reality.she is giving money to this A.I. when she is supposed to be paying the bills, also acting radically like quitting her job.

For a long time I’ve been thinking about leaving the household and cutting off all contact if I must. I’ve been struggling to get a job in my home state and even asked my friends to help me with my job search they have connections.

The problems lies with my father who recently broke his hip. He is in a nursing home and has put all the responsibilities of running a household on too me which would be fine if he didn’t also put me in charge of my mother. I have to get her to medical appointments, take care of a cat and manage a household.

Now again it would be fine if I feel I wasn’t being put in the middle of my parents. My dad has threatened to make my mother homeless if she does not go to her appointments and my mother has been in a psych ward numerous times I see this as not working.

With my dad in the nursing home and my mother going crazier by the days. I can’t be in that household anymore. If I left I might have to rehouse the cat. Am I being selfish if I left my mother and father to their own crisis to start a brand new life for reference I am in my late 20s no job but only a couple grand in savings. Would I be the asshole leaving knowing my mom is going crazy and my dad is in pain from his hip?

Before I start this story, I want to say that I am fully aware I am in a privileged position and that I have a great relationship with my partner's mother.

I (30F) live together with my boyfriend (34M). We started dating two years ago, and I moved into his apartment about a year ago. He bought this apartment before we met.

When he moved out of his parents' home, his mother offered to come by every Wednesday to help with some chores. I know this might sound unusual, but this woman LOVES to clean! It isn't something my boyfriend ever demanded or expected from her; she simply loves to visit during the day, clean the house, take care of chores like laundry, and even cook a meal so the three of us can eat dinner together.

I want to emphasize that my bond with her is super good. I genuinely enjoy her company, and I know that her help makes our lives so much easier. I often work shifts (including weekends), and my boyfriend sometimes doesn't get home from work until 8 PM. Furthermore, I have ADHD and he has ADD, so having her come over to help is a massive benefit, and I am beyond grateful for it.

However, I sometimes find it a bit awkward when she does our laundry. For one, I like to wear skimpy underwear. While I'm obviously allowed to wear whatever I want, it feels super weird knowing that my boyfriend's mom handles underwear that I wear in front of her son. The same goes for underwear with period stains. Of course, it's completely normal that I—a grown woman—bleed every month, but I still feel awkward knowing she sees the stains. Sure, she is a woman too and has two daughters of her own, but I can't shake the awkwardness.

I talked about this with my boyfriend. While he completely understands my feelings, he suggested that I should be the one to talk to his mom about it since I'm the one feeling uncomfortable.

The problem is that I don't want to make her feel unappreciated or ungrateful. Like I said, I am so thankful for her help. Because of my ADHD, keeping a room—let alone a whole apartment—tidy is not my strong point. I have a friend with ADHD whose house is always a disaster, even with a monthly cleaning lady, so I know how lucky I am.

Because of this, I feel super torn. So, Reddit, WIBTA if I asked her to stop doing our laundry (or step back from cleaning a bit)?

EDIT : I ofcourse do my own chores. i do my laundry and i try to keep the appartment as tidy as posible. But still then she likes to come by and do all this.

Two days ago it was my younger brother's 19th birthday. In my family birthdays have never been a big deal and I barely remember my parents celebrated it at all when we were kids. And I don't really remember getting anything from my family members (except for some money from my parents and grandparents which I'm grateful for, but you know, it's a pretty much soulless gift, I really prefer small but meaningful presents over 20-50 euros). And for the last few years I am the one who makes the cake for my own birthday and make party for my family and friends, never making a big deal about not getting presents (especially from my brothers although I gave them gifts)

My brother don't like celebrating birthdays and really doesn't give a f about it. But I wanted to make him a cake and I did so. I made the cake he really likes, bought all the ingredients, decorated it very nicely, wrote "happy birthday (name)" on it and I was so happy about it and he was happy too. And today my mother told me "You could've bought him something, he doesn't get any gifts, you buy your friends gifts, but not your brothers, you should be ashamed, you could've bought him a deodorant, shampoo, anything, it's not like it costs a lot of money". I told her that I've made the cake and really put my heart and soul in it and thought it was a thoughtful present of mine. But she said "You just did my job and I'll pay you for the ingredients when I get my salary, you should've bought him something, your brothers should've bought you something for your birthday, what kind of siblings are you, you don't care about each other at all". And I started crying because I really felt like an asshole. I really could've bought him something, but I thought the cake was enough. And I still think that tho. Because I think the easiest present is the one you buy, I much more value presents which you invest not only money, but time, patience, love and I think this cake is that kind of a present. It's something I would do only for people I care about the most. Am I right or AITAH? Is a cake a bare minimum for birthday or can really be a present?

My boyfriend and I have been together for around two years having been friends for much longer. We love each other and have a genuinely wonderful relationship in many ways.
I don’t want to spend the rest of our relationship policing his interactions with people, but I think there are some boundaries one should have in a relationship, for example I think it’s okay to have female friends from prior to the relationship but not necessarily make very close female friends who are not mutual friends in any way after getting into a relationship… It’s a slippery slope.
There’s a particular friendship with a female coworker that makes me uncomfortable and I’m struggling to explain to him why without it becoming an argument about whether he’s “allowed” to have female friends.
For context they chat/snap daily on Snapchat, she’s his top friend on Snapchat (we don’t use it with each other). I’m not entirely sure whether they’re actively having conversations every day or just a streak.
They also share songs with each other which I recently saw on his Spotify. Songs she’s sent him: The Look, Let Her Go and My Body Isn’t Ready by sombr.
They have a WhatsApp conversation with disappearing messages enabled which isn’t something he uses with other people, but I don’t know who turned the setting on and if that’s what she has on with everyone.
I haven’t seen anything explicitly romantic or sexual between them and I am not interested in looking through his phone, I won’t lower myself to that. But I am uncomfortable with this friendship and I genuinely think I’m within my right to be. I have male friends too but none that I speak to on a daily basis like that or that he hasn’t met.
I don’t want to assume the worst about him but I’m sorry I think a man in a serious relationship shouldn’t be putting himself in this kind of position. I’m not even saying he’s done anything wrong yet necessarily but it’s genuinely one drunk work party away from crossing a line.

I think there’s a difference between having female friends and maintaining a level of private, frequent communication with another woman that your partner reasonably finds uncomfortable. Even if there has never been any reason to question someone’s loyalty, I don’t find this okay or reasonable.

I genuinely felt very good and secure in our relationship until having seen the song sharing and having an actual think about what this all looks like. I think for a while I have not wanted to rock the boat of our relationship finally feeling good so I never expressed how I felt about it and just tried not thinking about it. I’d be fine if they spoke occasionally but it’s a bit much.
They don’t hang out outside work besides one time recently they went out with 2 other men after work until quite late but that was not something that usually happens.

What upsets me as well is that the conversation seems to become about whether I trust him and whether I am being controlling, rather than whether we can find boundaries that make us both feel respected. I also can’t seem to get across that I simply don’t find this okay or reasonable in a committed relationship. I’m sure his family members in relationships don’t do this.

When I brought this up with him, he became frustrated and said that he’s allowed to have female friends, which I obviously agree with. But I tried to explain that my issue isn’t with him having female friends, it’s with the level of closeness and daily private communication with this particular woman. I told him I don’t find that appropriate in a committed relationship and that I think we should establish some boundaries around this kind of friendship.
He sees it as a normal friendship and seems to feel that I’m being controlling by questioning it, whereas I feel that I’m asking for something reasonable out of respect for our relationship. We haven’t been able to agree on this and I don’t want to keep having the same argument.
So AITAH for raising this with him and asking us to establish boundaries around the friendship, despite not having any evidence that he’s actually done anything inappropriate? Am I being unfair to him by expecting him to change how he interacts with this coworker?

So my brother and his wife have been married for 7 years and have 2 children (3yo and 1yo). My brother is currently in nursing school while his wife stays at home with the kids. She has no job and no degree and doesn’t have any aspirations to get either. She just wants to be a SAHM, which is her business. Today my brother came to me and told me that he no longer loves his wife and wants to leave. I, of course, told him that’s a such a big decision and will have lifelong consequences and he then said he will need a place to stay. I told him that I love him but I don’t want anyone staying with me, especially when it’s his own choice to leave. This is the first time I’ve lived by myself and I just moved into this apartment in August. It is a 1bed/1bath. I previously lived with my mother but she has passed and then I lived with my grandmother for a year and half before living with my brother, his wife and kids for 2 years. My father told me that I need to support my brother and he’s going to need support if he makes that decision. I think that it is inherently selfish and i shouldn’t care the responsibility of a decision that my brother is making. My brother is mad at me and saying he’ll figure it out in his own but I feel bad and don’t know what to do about the situation. I am aware that I, too, am being selfish but i feel like I have a right to be. this is my first apartment by myself and i love living alone and having my own peace of mind once i get home from work.

AITAH for thinking this way?

Clarification: He didn’t let me live with him. He came back from the military and i moved back to our hometown. they didn’t want to stay with their in laws /her parents so we agreed to find a house to rent. My brother, wife and two kids and I stayed in a 3 bed 2 bath and we split rent and utilities. the only reason i got my own place was because they got housing and i was not able to come with. it was kind of forced on me last minute but i got a pay raise so was able to make it work. I have never lived anywhere and didn’t pay my share.

EDIT: Thank you guys so much for all the advice. I think the only thing I can do in this moment is to wait to see how it plays out.

I just found out my pregnant, very early on. I currently have a 13 year old and my husband and I have been trying for almost two years. Last year, we had three miscarriages and my husband was a wreck. We can’t seem to get past the 11 week mark. He cried often about it, and sometimes he has bad days when friends announce their pregnancies.
I haven’t told him yet. I am thinking of waiting until I make it to the 12 week mark. The last two times, he was hyper fixated on the pregnancy and honestly did stress me out a bit. I feel comfortable right now.. stress free. whatever happens, happens. We do have plans to begin IVF in the new year. By 12 weeks, if all goes well, we can skip IVF and put the money toward baby. I am trying to protect his feelings, but I’m unsure if this would actually hurt his feelings in the long run? I’ve known for about 5 days now and I hate keeping a secret from him. But I think also he would be joyed to know we finally made it past the “safe” zone. (I’m aware miscarriages can happen anytime). I want him to fully be able to enjoy a pregnancy, not spend the first months stressing out to oblivion.
Anyways, WIBTAH or are my good intentions going to be understood and appreciated?

I (F, 23) happen to do a bit of baking as a hobby in my spare time.

For clarification, I initially picked up the hobby in late 2020 and do it on the side here and there for events at my college, like bake sales in addition to baking for friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers, etc. I have baked everything from cookies to breads in bulk out of my home's kitchen, but my baking is usually on rare occurrences during college semesters, work, etc. When I have baked for my household in the past, barely anyone eats anything I bake other than particular cookies and breads; if I bake, for example, banana bread, no one eats it besides myself. I will also state that I have worked in food services and follow guidelines like wearing gloves, etc and ensuring a space is clean, sanitized, and clear of possible contaminants or allergies someone I'm baking for might have; likewise, I buy all my own ingredients and supplies in correlations to other groceries for my household. With this small background clarification covered, I will begin to discuss the issue.

My brother, Chris (20) frequently will ask me for baked goods while I am in the middle of baking breads, cookies, or other pastries for events or for people I know. To begin, I don't mind baking something, but to the extent that my sibling wants is exhausting. He has, in the last few weeks to a month asked several times, and even at one point on a whim through a call, to bake cookies or banana bread for people he is friends with a works with. In total, I have baked several quintupled batches of desserts with specific requirements from wanting nuts, to no nuts, having extra chocolate chips, etc. He has not offered to pay for any of the supplies, when I ask he shrugs it off and says he has no money at that time or when he says he will pay, on a rare occasion, it will just end there at the conversation and nothing will happen.

I have said no to him before, but if I say I will get around to doing it, he will harp and bug me until it gets completed. Even if I say I am extremely busy, he pulls you promised card, so I have to drop what I'm doing to stop him from bugging me every chance of the day he gets until it's done. Even when he gets the baked goods he needs, which are wrapped and all good to go, he just hands them off to a random person if he can't find the person, he was initially going to give the baked goods to before coming back and asking for me to re-bake another batch for that person. I feel like I am in a Victorian bakery sweatshop and I have gotten to the point where I need a break.

The final straw was when I asked him why he couldn't bake this himself or let alone learn how to bake because it is a good skill to learn. His response was that it was a "woman's job to bake". I have flat out said I am no longer baking for him or his friends or coworkers because of inequal distribution of my labor into this since I'm going through so much supplies that he isn't offering to repay for.

So, am I the asshole?