Hi! I 14NB is 'friends' with a 14GN demi girl. Okay. So we're in art with another friend, Jasmine, and Jasmine and I are looking through the yumeship app and see the darkshipping page and we're talking about how disgusting they are. We start talking to our friend (the 14GN) Leo about it.

She says she sees nothing wrong with it and me and Jasmine share a look and we're like 'wtf.' We start to feel uncomfortable with her, and I go home and make a post about it on the yumeship anti darkship page (I didn't use their real names). I got 4 down votes, and me and Jasmine decide to talk to Leo about how we feel uncomfortable.

We talk to her and tell her about healthier coping methods, and then notice she seems stressed afterwards but she lies about it. Then, she proceeded to avoid me today, and all of me and Jasmines' friends are avoiding us. (We didn't tell them anything).

So AITAH for posting about it and talking to her about it or was I not?

AITA for spitting in my boyfriend’s face after he ignored my boundary during sex?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about two or three years. For the most part, things have been amazing. I love him and usually feel really lucky to have him. He takes care of me, cooks, cleans, and is great with my cats. He even bathes them.

He’s less experienced than me, which has never been a problem. When we first got together, he told me he’d slept with something like 38 girls. Eventually he admitted he’d made that up and I was his first everything. I’d already suspected it because I’d been a few guys’ first before.
I enjoy giving him head. He usually makes me feel appreciated, and I could tell it meant a lot to him, especially in the beginning.
But I’ve always had one rule: don’t push my head down. It gives me the ick, and I’ve had bad experiences with guys doing it before. I told him, “I love giving you blowjobs, just never push my head. I find it disrespectful, and when you do it, it stops feeling loving.” He said he understood and promised he wouldn’t.

Lately he’s started doing it anyway. Around the same time, I noticed he’d been watching a lot of hardcore porn on his phone. That’s when the head pushing started.
The other day I was giving him head and could tell he was close. I specifically reminded him, “Don’t push my head.” He said he understood, that he respected me, and that he wouldn’t do it.
Then he did it anyway.
I’d thought he might, so I wasn’t deepthroating him this time. He finished in my mouth, fell back against the pillows catching his breath, then sat up and looked at me.
Usually when he does this, he starts apologizing right away. This time, before he could say anything, I spat his cum back in his face like a Super Soaker. It got across his face and mouth.

He froze, then got really upset and stormed out. I haven’t seen him since. This morning he texted me saying I’d betrayed his trust, that what I did was uncalled for, and that he doesn’t know if he can forgive me.
Was I justified, or did I go too far? AITA?

My ex and I have been divorced for a couple of years now. We divorced due to infidelity and manipulation on his side.

With time and distance, I started to recognized that I had been coerced into a lot of things I didn't necessarily want to do sexually. He also had manipulated me at times while we were divorcing, threatening to hurt himself, etc.

Since then, he has asked to see me or for me to see him but I've gently declined. I need a fresh start and to be honest, I just don't want to see him. I'm still healing and working through a lot of feelings I suppressed.

Recently he told me he was in a dark place and told me he was SA'd by someone. He's not sure it was truly. I basically told him I'm sorry that happened to you, but I can't be the one you reach out to with things like this. You have family and a hotline.

I'll admit, my initial reaction was thinking he was manipulating me again to try to see me. But I've sat with it and I worry I was cold and pushed away someone who genuinely needs help.

Please tell me AITA? Or was my response to this appropriate? I'm really second guessing it.

I’m a 27 year old (woman) and I live and work with my mom at our family business. Our relationship has been difficult for a long time because she has a history of controlling my decisions, insulting me, and making me feel guilty when I try to establish boundaries. I used to believe that she was overprotective but now I'm realizing she might be highly toxic and manipulative.

First, there was an issue involving a car. Her old car broke down and it was cheaper to get a new car than getting the old one fixed. My mom has a debt, and she was worried the bank might take her car. And also, I found out that she paid someone in the government so she could have a health insurance for free.. if it shows up that she owns two cars they might take away her benefit. So there's that, she had no good intentions.

The thing is that she made me believe we would buy a car together and she told me that in the future I could use it for work and such, and even asked me for money toward the down payment (mind you I make 28 dollars a day and those were all my savings aprox $300 to $400). I refused because I could smell something was wrong and so that plan fell through, and she eventually bought another car with the money she gets from renting the upstairs house (we have a two story house).

She then tried to get me to put another car she bought in my name, but I started to doubt again. I wasn’t comfortable taking on that responsibility, especially given our relationship. So because of those circumstances, she got very angry and started to make my life hell. She stopped talking to me, called me selfish, she was throwing the tickets to the ground instead of giving me those in my hands, she called me names under her breath so nobody could hear (she said that I should leave her house. She told me to pretty much fuck off, she said that I was a slut and should be aware of what I was doing. And even started to bump into me so hard she made me lose my balance).

When we were about to leave at night, I told my uncle I wanted to travel by bus instead of traveling with her like always. He convinced me nothing was gonna happen, and if it were to, that I could call him. On the way home ... she started to call me a “slut” and a “whore” and told me that she had twenty pills in her bag so I could take them to kill myself and do her a favor. She said that simply because I talk to a guy at work and she doesn't like him at all. Also, for whatever reason she got into her head that i wanted a romantic relationship with him. So she said as well that i should f@₡k him if that's what I wanted. She left work for three days, stopped talking to me and even put a temporary door in her room. She doesn't have one in her bedroom because she loves control. All of this was a breaking point for me.

Now, she wants me to go on a trip to Colombia with her using plane tickets she won through her travel club. I want to travel, but I’m afraid this will become another situation where she uses the trip to make me feel indebted to her or to control me. On a previous trip to Mexico, she humiliated me and spoke to me harshly over minor issues.
When I explained my concerns, she dismissed everything and said she only needed a yes-or-no answer. Part of me is sad about potentially missing the trip, but another part of me feels relieved at the thought of having some distance from her.
AITA for not wanting to go on the trip with my mom and refusing to put her car in my name?

I’m 26 and I live at home and I pay my mom rent. She is now telling me that she wants me to start paying for streaming services. I barely watch streaming, but I wanted to watch the Knicks game. Our Peacock subscription lapsed because my mom doesn’t pay her bills. I asked her if she was going to pay it because the Knick’s game is on tonight. Other than that, I don’t watch Peacock.

She is saying she wants me to pay for Peacock because she pays for everything. She started listing the things she pays for, like the mortgage and the electric bill. I said I’m the child and it’s not my house, I shouldn’t be paying her mortgage or electric bill. Yes, I live in her house, but I also give her $1500 every month to cover my expenses. She is saying it’s not enough.

I just don’t think children are responsible for their parent’s bills. I didn’t choose to be brought into this world, why am I now supposed to pay your bills just because I’m your daughter? She doesn’t financially support me and I’m literally the child… nor do I ask her to. I see other people’s parents where they’re giving them money to put into savings and to invest in. She has never done that.

She always has had trouble paying her bills, not because she doesn’t make enough. She makes more than most people. She is just irresponsible. AMITAH?

Edit: I am not saying I’m a child. I am saying I’m HER child. And just because we’re related doesn’t mean I’m responsible for her. I live with her because I love her and I like spending time with her. But I pay just as much as if I had my own place. I am not living with her because I can’t support myself.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4Rphcsv0rO

Hi!! It’s been about 9 months since I last posted about a situation I had with my boyfriend (who I’ll call Boyfriend). Basically, he was mad that I kept hanging out with a friend I made at an academy because they have tension from the past.

I got a lot of criticism on my post about putting the guy before my boyfriend, and I really reflected on it. I kept my distance for a while but him and his sister kind of got tangled in my life in a way? And he started working at my parents’ restaurant, so it was inevitable to see him. The point is, my boyfriend told me it was okay if we were cordial as long as we didn’t cross any lines, so we became friends! Oh, and Boyfriend and I are still together!!!

Well, I recently learned about why they don’t like each other. Apparently, the guy, who I’ll name Guy, used to be a violin prodigy since he was little. Like, classically trained and used to fill theaters. I don’t know much about music but my boyfriend, his dad, and even Guy himself say that he really was a big deal.

Guy and Boyfriend were childhood friends and did everything together. Well one time AGES ago, Guy and Boyfriend had a fight because Guy was getting very close to Boyfriend’s dad (don’t know much about that). Later that week, one of Boyfriend’s friends went and broke Guy’s hand. Guy tried physiotherapy and exercises but it was never the same. Guy insists my boyfriend told his friend to do that, but my boyfriend says he had nothing to do with it. That’s why they don’t like each other.

They’re kind of neutral now, I think. We even went and got drinks together with another friend once. For all of you who kept saying I’m a terrible girlfriend, I did make up for it and we’re better than ever now. So, yeah, that was the update!

Okay edit:

1. Guy is seeing someone so stop saying we’re together
2. The person that hurt Guy said Boyfriend had nothing to do with it, so don’t accuse him of that.

3. Guy can still play the violin, he just doesn’t think he’s as good (but he still sounds great)

   so it didn’t ruin his career, he just thinks he sounds wonky

I only decided to update because everything is finally going well!

I wont lie, i was being petty.

I have a coworker, i trusted him with information, and he ended up telling someone else and it got to the person the information was about.

I found out and was obviously upset.

He swore up and down that he never tells ppl the things i tell him. Which is obviously a lie since hes the ONLY person i talk to. He ended up admitting it eventually.

So today i told a girl he was interested in that he was interested in her.

My coworker did NOT take that well and said it was not the same. Now he’s genuinely pissed at me.

Aitah?

Official answer: IATAH

10 and a half years ago, my wife and I bought a house in the suburbs. The people next door have a daughter the same age as ours who went to the same elementary school in the same class, but we didn't know each other. For a while, we encouraged the girls to be friends, but in 7th grade their daughter slapped our daughter "as a joke," thus ending the friendship.

2-3 years ago they put in a pool. The workers blocked our driveway several times and traipsed across our lawn for their work, and we didn't say anything. We have a tree in the backyard that's about 10-15 feet from the fence, but the branches overhang and drops leaves. I've had it professionally trimmed on three occasions, and I and/or my gardener have trimmed it as well.

Apparently my gardener told the neighbors the roots were going to be an issue, so they immediately tore up their driveway and some old cement in their backyard and poured an all new driveway and some kind of pad along the fence line in their backyard - I don't know what it is because I never stuck my head over to see.

Also, they put their trash cans in front of our house, and more than once, I found trash in my yard with their names on old discarded mail, amongst other stuff. I always cleaned it up and never mentioned it to them. Now our daughters go to the same high school, and apparently, their daughter is always talking shit about my daughter behind her back to anyone who will listen.

They ask us via text to remove the tree in a way that said it was all about protecting their pool. I didn't respond. One week later when the concrete was being poured, the workers again blocked our driveway 2x at times when we needed to pull in and pull out. My wife asked the workers not to do this. The following day, they blocked it again as I was pulling in with groceries. I asked the driver not to block my driveway, and he told me to f*** off. I started unloading my car and I see him traipsing across my lawn, so I get mad and I go, "oh no. You're not using my yard for staging," and the neighbor immediately comes over (in the street) and starts yelling at me.

We get into a heated discussion, and I tell him about the driveway being blocked, and him putting his trashcans in front of my house and his daughter being disrespectful to my daughter and he only cares about making me take the tree down, and telling me I'm wrong and I don't own the street, so I tell him, "we looked it up, and you can do whatever you want on your side, but if it kills our tree, that's on you." My wife doesn't want to take the tree down, and she's embarrassed about the confrontation. I feel badly about being part of this. AITA?

I (22NB) asked my best friend (24NB) a whole month before my birthday if they’ll be available on my birthday weekend and they said that they are going to a house warming party of someone they know a day before my birthday (my birthday is on sunday). My best friend is fully aware that i do celebrate my birthday every year and i throw a little party for my closest friends. And obviously my birthday is on the same day every year. I was planning to throw the party on saturday because all of my friends are either working full time or have classes in the morning on monday and also shops are closed here on sunday.
Last year we spent my birthday weekend together and they came to the previous party that also wasn’t the day of my birthday.
I didn’t want to start a fight so i just expressed calmly that it makes me sad.
I feel guilty and don’t want to make them cancel their plans but it’s still sad that they didn’t think to ask me first.
(additional context: we have a romantic relationship that is not official at the moment, have known each other for two years and we see each other at least once a week)
Ask for any other additional information if needed

Edit: yall can just tell me ITAH, you don’t have to be mean like i did something to you personally.

Hello, I’m still young and I need help because of emotions that I can’t understand.

I want to start before even I was born, my parents were both from very religious families, they were both Christians , and still my dad was 25 when he raped my mom who was 20 and she got pregnant with me, they had to marry each other so they wouldn’t have ruined reputations and couldn’t do abortion because of religion. So since I was toddler my mom told me I was the fault of her miserable life, she would live better and others, she loved beating me for anything and just being a child My dad always were worse but I seeked mother figure and sorry but for me mother was more important. And when I grow up and was 11 I started to question religion and culture I was living in, I didn’t like it and was against it, to my parents this was the worst thing to say when they heard it, they kicked me out of house after finding me smoking , I was living in many relatives houses , they were the same and never liked me , every three or even less months I changed my home, I felt so alone and at 13-14 had very bad depression when couldn’t take care of myself, only my friends helped me.

Now I started to come to home more, I’m underage, I know they are disgusted by me but maybe they become nicer, and my mom cried a lot to me, because she was treated bad by my father relatives, and I started to say about how she abused me in the childhood, I said to her she was worse with insults, because I got angry issues now I screamed and she started to tell me that she was raped by my father she was very angry and she is sorry, but I still feel anger and kind of indifference to it. I just left,even though she begged, i just didn’t care and when I was alone didn’t even cried, I just felt anger.

So sorry for my bad English, question again AITAH genuinely.

First off, I want to say that English is not my first language. I hope you do not have a hard time reading my post. I(21f) have lived with my roommate Sarah(25f) for about 3 months and we've recently had an argument about when we wash clothes. I work 2 jobs so I'm mostly out of the apartment except on Tuesday's. Sarah has a work from home job so she's almost always at home. On Tuesdays I try to get everything I need to do done, and that includes laundry. I talked to Sarah about this and I asked her if she could not do laundry on Tuesdays and she agreed to it. Everything was fine for about a month, until she started putting random dirty clothes in the washing machine daily. I didn't notice until the following Tuesday that she had been doing this. I asked her if she could take her dirty clothes out of the washing machine so I could wash, she took her clothes out but she was very annoyed about it. Last week the same thing happened, and I had to talk to her again. Instead of taking her clothes out she started the washing machine and proceeded to wash her clothes. I asked her why she did that when she knew I needed to wash my clothes. She told me that I need to get a grip and to stop nagging her. I told her that I'm not trying to piss her off, I'm just trying to get my stuff done. 

This brings me to this week. On Tuesday Sarah had taken the day off and was out of the apartment when I went to wash my clothes. When I opened the lid to put my clothes in I saw Sarah clothes. I got pissed and I took Sarah's clothes and put them in her hamper in her room. When Sarah got back she yelled at me for touching her things and going into her room. I yelled back and told her to stop using the washing machine as her personal hamper. Since then we haven't really talked to each other besides talking about bills and rent being due. 

Was my request for Sarah to not wash her clothes on Tuesdays too much?

I have a friend who has ADHD, the type where they constantly interrupt, interject before you can finish a sentence, and then railroad the conversation. And to make matters worse, they're a negative and rather rude person with their commentary all the time, enough so that its very noticeable and can easily come across as argumentative.

For example: If I say "I had this Chinese food last night, it was pretty good." They will reply with "I doubt it, Ive had real Chinese when I was there." Rude, right?

update The best example I can provide of the constant rude interrupting would be like when someone on Family Feud hits the buzzer before the question is even fully asked, and they have to finish the question before they can answer it, but instead this person just says it wrong and then I have to correct them with what I was originally saying before they cut me off.

WIBTAH, if I just started calling them out over this behavior? Its constant and every single convo. My general go-to response has just been "Sure, Jan 🙄". But it's exhausting trying to hold a convo.

How would you handle this? Im open to all suggestions.

I(18F) and my sister(31F) went on vacation with our mom(50F). My Sister is a dentist and really hates her job. She also never gets to sleep in. This is important for later.

For various reasons we all flip-flopped about actually going because I started a program to get the last of my credits for graduation and because my mother can’t travel well. By going I would lose out on the first week of going plus I was sick at the time. Mom and Sister also just had an argument and both wanted to cancel the trip to avoid the drama. A mix of Sister’s childhood trauma and because she hates planning trips but loves traveling with us. I had to play mediator and say I’d book everything. However, the deciding factor for us going was that my sister already took unpaid leave for the days we’d be going. (Thursday-Monday)

When we’re on vacation it’s just mom, sister and I. Usually my Sister plans the itinerary and books the hotel while my Mom covers the cost. This is done because our mother isn’t tech savvy. My sister really hates planning things. She’s told me since I was a kid that the moment i’m old enough i’ll be planning our family trips entirely and driving. My role in life is to take care of her and our Mom for the rest of mine. Back then and now I’ve always voiced how much I hate going on these trips but I really try my best not to sour the mood when we’re traveling.

Sister told me I need to book everything for this trip because i just turned 18. She was willing to give me her card so she wouldn’t have to lift a finger. I’m not allowed to tell her no to keep the peace so I agree. For context, we need to use her card for the hotel. However, she’s not paying, my mother puts the funds into her card.

I go to book the hotel and I found a website to book from. I call my Sister but I’m having trouble getting the link on my phone. I don’t want to keep her waiting so I tell her I’ll call right back to grab the link from my computer. As I’m getting the link I hear my Mom on the phone. Sister called her to book the hotel without me. In the past that’s what they’ve done but this time I was so dumbfounded. Later on my mom essentially says, “Yeah in anger your sister says she’ll let you use her card but she’s afraid you’ll mess up and lose her information to scammers.”

I let it go and pivot to planning something else because I still thought Sister expected me to book things. I don’t want to let her down so I booked a tourist thing on my mom’s card for Friday at 11 am and call it a day. Everyone knows about that so no issue there.

Thursday, we leave for the hotel and wander around town. Friday we did the tourist attraction I planned. We were too late but luckily I talked to the clerk and had changed our tickets for a later time and we made that. So essentially I booked it properly for my first time without guidance.

My sister planned for a thing for Saturday. Sunday we hiked and explored. My family has always been bad with time management. I should note that my sister was able to sleep-in at least 3 out of the 5 days of our trip.

So I told them we should leave ASAP and aim to be home by 2PM because I have a class at 3PM. In reality I have class at 4PM. I told them this long before we went on vacation.

We all went to bed around 11 PM and woke up at 7 AM. Traveling back was hell for Sister because she drove. We were stuck on the highway for an extra hour in between huge trucks. Ultimately we got home around 2:30 pm. When we were near home I revealed my lie. Mom and Sister laughed. Though later in the car Sister mentioned because she wanted to drop herself home and let my mom drive but couldn’t do that anymore. (My mom is a very new and older driver so we’re a bit hesitant.) She didn’t tell me and my Mom didn’t mention it if she knew. They have a habit of not telling me details.

We get home and unpack and I lay down in my room. Mom and Sister leave to go grab a second lunch. I rest because “vacations” are exhausting for me because I hate being in unfamiliar places. I have a routine and it already screwed me over in school by making me miss my first few days. I’m the kind of person that needs to be alone to recharge and I wasn’t able to have that for 5 days. Ultimately I decide that I won’t go because I’ve only got an hour long P.E. class that day.

I text my counselor and she’s alright with it so there’s no threat of getting me kicked out. I texted Mom to let her know I’m not going, but she didn’t see my text. They come home and my sister’s pissed.

She yelled at me essentially saying, “I could’ve slept in! You realize this was really selfish of you. Y’know it doesn’t affect me if you graduate. You made us all wake up so early and we could’ve left later.” (By later she meant after 3PM and I admit I didn’t want that. I knew they would’ve bashed me for not going to class and use it as an excuse to more photos of hotel which i hate.) “You’ve broken my trust, you know that? Do you realize this was really bad of you? Since you don’t care about me clearly, I don’t care about you. You’re so inconsiderate. When we’re on vacation I won’t wake up early for your stuff anymore (school). Don’t call me the next time you need me to talk to your guidance counselor.” For more context, I’m diagnosed with ADHD and severe anxiety. I take meds and go to therapy but I failed a lot of my classes. This semester I should be able to graduate. In the summer I contacted my counselor and the assistant principals but they were all dragging their heels and wouldn’t take me seriously when I spoke to them. They messed up my classes and it was time sensitive. I had been emailing nonstop and only turned to Sister as a last resort. At the time she had long gaps in her schedule between patients. This was the only time I had ever asked for her help in my entire life. She didn’t do anything else.

I didn’t really respond to her yelling because when she gets like that she doesn’t want to hear anyone else. I told her that I do care about her and I’ll be more mindful of her time. Next I told her she’s free to tell me how she feels but I won’t be engaging in the topic of school with her. She also has this habit of assuming that my life is easy and that I’m lazy. She also really likes to poke old wounds and I’m not the only person she does that to. I know my life isn’t dentist hard but I’m still trying. She’s told me herself that, “Everyday is a dayoff for you.” and I won’t lie and say that it didn’t make me a bit annoyed.

We never fight mostly because I don’t want her to be mad so I suck up any dig she makes at me. This time though was the worst it has ever been and I don’t know what to do. My friends say I shouldn’t apologize, but they’re stuck too. Am I in the wrong? Any advice is appreciated.

This happened about four years ago, but I told my family about it recently and they said I am the Asshole.

At the time I (20F) was living in a flat with three other people. My best friend from college (at the time) asked me if I wanted to move in, let's call her Alex. Living there was hell, and I moved out after six months, but that's not really relevant.

Rent was incredibly cheap for me, because they gave me the smallest room, so I payed 190€/month without utilities (water & electricity).

The two months before I moved out I wasn't in the country, I spent those months backpacking across Europe. I payed for utilities the first month, but I told Alex that I didn't want to pay for the last month, because I didn't set foot in the flat, so I didn't use any water or electricity.

My issue was this:

Alex had the biggest room, where she put in another FRIDGE just for her and a gigantic TV, on which she watched Netflix EVERY DAY. She also had a bunch of lamps that were all on whenever she was home.

I barely used my one lamp, and I was the one constantly shutting of the lights whenever I left a room, the only one in the flat to do so.

The cost of electricity is determined by the previous year's usage, and Alex had been living there for two years, while I had been there six months. So I had to pay for her fridge and TV while never getting the reduced cost of me using the bare minimum.

So I told her that I had payed for one month of not being there, and that I didn't want to pay for her electricity. She got pissed, so I ended up paying anyway, but I wasn't very happy about it. She said she'd refund me half of what I payed once the year was over and the new cost reflected the past year, but she never did and ghosted me.

She randomly texted me two years ago, but I haven't heard from her since.

So, AITAH?

I’ll keep this very short and simple my ex and I were together for almost 4 years. He cheated on me twice throughout the four years that we were together not just Little one night stands but full-blown affairs. I cared enough about him and loved him enough to want to try to look past that and I thought my feelings were different . A couple of months ago we decided that we would try to start hanging out again to see if there was anything that was left that was salvageable and try and work on things because we both still felt that pull . I told him that I didn’t feel the same way that I used to and that I don’t know if we could he said that he didn’t wanna lose me as a friend and that he would respect whatever boundary there was in order to maintain a friendship so we could still be in each other‘s lives. I started seeing somebody else and morally, I just didn’t feel right having any sort of relationship with him while I’m seeing this new person I feel bad for how abruptly I did it but at the same time given how he hurt me I feel like what I did was justifiable. The sad part is , is I still have feelings for him and I still think about him often I hope that overtime it will fade, but I do feel bad for the way that I went about it towards the end

I'm 30F, and my dad recently passed away. Before his death, our family disagreed about his end-of-life care. My brother was his designated healthcare decision-maker, and we arranged hospice so family could spend time with my dad and say goodbye.

My uncle strongly disagreed with our decisions. He called my mom, who has been divorced from my dad for over 10 years, and allegedly threatened her and said he would hurt us if we didn't continue feeding my dad.

I texted him asking him to stop harassing my mom and said I'd call the police if he continued. He responded, “Fuck you.” After I told him to grow up, he texted, “I will fuck you guys all.” When I said I'd call the police and file for a restraining order, he told me to go ahead.

I took the threats seriously and filed for a temporary restraining order. He's since been served and shared a picture of the order in a family group chat, which has created more drama. He's also said he'll explain to the judge how my dad died, which I assume relates to the hospice disagreement.

My dad's funeral is coming up, and my uncle will be there. I'm genuinely afraid he might approach or threaten me. My brother has asked me to reconsider dropping the order so the family can get through the funeral peacefully. I initially told him I would, and he thanked me, saying we wouldn't have to interact with our uncle after the funeral.

I feel guilty because my siblings are grieving, too, and I don't want to make things harder for them. But I'm the one who received the threats, and I don't feel safe around my uncle. I also feel like everyone expects me to let his behavior go just to keep the peace.

I don't want revenge or family drama. I just don't think threats should be brushed aside because there's a funeral coming up. At the same time, I understand why my siblings want to avoid more conflict during an already painful time.

AITAH for wanting to keep pursuing the restraining order even though my family wants me to drop it for the funeral?

So in short. I’m a recent college graduate who has to pass two board exams to actually work. I passed one of my exams and failed my second exam. The second exam I can take up to 5 times so I do have 4 more shots to take it.

The problem lies with my boyfriend’s family. His father ended up getting a serious medical diagnosis that is threatening his life and the entire family lively hood. My boyfriend doesn’t spend as much time with me as he use to and I understand. I want them to be with the family. But when I go an visit their family it almost seems like they don’t even want to see me. Almost as if I am a waste.

I want to be able to help them and be there for my boyfriend but I cannot do studying and be there emotionally everyday as I tried that and it caused me to fail my exam (because I didn’t give myself more time to study or study enough). But on the other side I really want to be there for him and his family EVEN IF THEY DO NOT WANT ME THERE.

In short I feel defeated because I’m stuck professionally and I want to be supportive to my boyfriend and their family and I feel like I have to make a choice on time allocation when I shouldn’t have to. I feel like a jerk for even to think like this. Am I the asshole here? I feel like I should just stop seeing the family for 2 weeks so I can get my shit together so I can better help them. Please someone tell their two cents

I (22F) rarely gift anyone in my life, and i was raised by that and i was also taught to not expect any gifts for me. I love gifts, honestly, but it's completely fine if i wouldn't receive any that often. I sometimes receive gifts too and i cherish them alot throughout the years no matter how big or small it is.

I also rarely gift my bestfriend, it's not never but it's just rarely. She doesn't mind it at all and she also doesn't give me gifts, which is good.

Her older sister's birthday is coming up, and Shine has been reminding me of her birthday, it's not frequently but it makes me feel uncomfortable and honestly pressured, because it feels like i need to get something for her and i feel like it would be a shame to celebrate her birthday with no gift in hand.

We're all close like sisters, and she also gifted me a few times which i honestly love. I also gift her rarely.

I feel so forgein about gifts, and i know she doesn't like letter cards or something like that honestly.

UPDATE: Alright, i've read your comments and i've taken all of them into consideration. I won't come empty handed anymore. Writing a card only is definitely NOT an option because she specified it. She thinks it's too simply and cheesy.

I might get her a bottle of wine or a nice blue water bottle, or a pair of sneakers, or even money, who knows?

My now ex(M33) and myself(f30) recently broke up after 8.5 years. I feel like I caused it but at the same time he was being pretty weird and I wanted to come here and get outside opinions from people.

So he proposed in December 2025 and a few months ago I kept pushing him to settle on a date to go to the courthouse. We have always said we’d do a courthouse wedding. I wanted it to be soon because we were coming up on a year engaged with little to no plan and I got a job with no health insurance and I wanted to go on his. Well I guess he never wanted to get legally married!!

Got a ring got on a knee and everything but didn’t use the words “will you marry me?” But I thought that was a proposal and for months I have been telling people we are getting married. Not once did he say anything to me in private that it was a commitment ring and not a proposal ring… I was crushed and so upset. He said he felt cornered…y’all I was not the one to first bring up marriage a ring or anything. This man made me feel insane in the moment. I got very upset and told him if after nearly 9 years he was unsure then idk what we are doing anymore. He said that he’d go to therapy to figure it out… I said okay because I really do love him and wanted to make it work.

Well then two days later he goes to a coworkers house(F50) at 9:30 pm for a party. Doesn’t invite me at all just tells me he’s going then leaves. It was so weird. He does hang with this woman often they work together and they are on a pickleball team together but this is the first time he has said he’s going to her home. This was on a Saturday night also. I LOST it. Full on freak out at this man because how are you going to drop “I don’t want to get married” and then start hanging with other women? He also said he told her about our issues and he’s helping her get through her emotional divorce from her way younger husband. I just did not like the sounds of any of it.

He turned it around on me saying I’m using my emotions to manipulate him. He broke up with me and ignores me and our dog in our home like we never mattered to him. He’s moving out soon.

I just want to know from other women, aitah? Or did I react normally to all this? He makes me feel like I had no right to get upset. I feel crazy :(

Edit: spelling

College student living with family. I'm currently not enjoying the college I'm going to, and I wanted to change colleges. My mom advised me to wait; I'm already a couple weeks in, and I wouldn't want to rush to change colleges and affect my financial aid. I still wanted to see if there was a way for me to change schools now; the second school hadn't started their quarter yet, and my current courses are kinda difficult, and I didn't wanna risk waiting to transfer and my GPA dropping.

So we eventually decide to get on the phone; we talk with someone at school #1: the person we talk to isn't in the financial aid department, and she tells us that it should be possible to change, but to ask the other school how it would work. We get off the phone, and my mom tells me that she was basically saying not to change schools now--even though the representative clearly said it MIGHT work and that if I was unhappy where I was at, there was no reason to stay. The representative also said to ask if my loan period was still open, or if it was closed. Then we call school #2, the school I wanted to go to, and we speak to someone in financial aid. My mom immediately starts off the conversation with "My son's being hard-headed and wants to change schools now. He won't listen to Mom, so maybe he'll listen to you." She repeats this again later in the conversation. So the representative agrees with my mom, that I could risk being billed by School #1 if I quit their program after classes already started, and my mom keeps asking her to reiterate that I need to just stay where I'm at.

We get off the phone, and she's annoyed, telling me that I don't listen to her and that I need to just bite the bullet. I remind her that the classes I'm in aren't exactly easy, and I didn't want to jeopardize my GPA if I could change courses--especially with a school I'd be happier in.

AITAH for trying to speed the process along rather than waiting for the next quarter to change schools?

For starters, I(f21) love my mom(f42) and we are so close so this situation breaks my heart. I am well educated, live in a city, and voted blue. My mother has, on 3 separate occasions, been extremely racist and it’s taking its toll on me and our relationship.

1. she supports mass deportation. When she said she would do anything for her kids(she often says she’d kill for us) during this argument I said “but you wouldn’t cross the border illegally to save us?” And she short circuited and said no and got pissed at me. I have dated Hispanic people and was dating one when she said this so I made the decision to skip our Fourth of July party. Which was met with many emotions. I cannot morally sit at the same table my partner isn’t allowed to.
2. she genuinely fears Muslim people and when I asked when the last time she talked to someone who was Muslim she yelled at me and said that I was making her sound sheltered and racist. I snapped and did in fact call her racist.
3. yesterday she told me black people need to “get over” slavery. I said that wasn’t fair to rush the victims of an atrocity to “get over” it and that they’re still actively facing the consequences of slavery to this day. She denied it and said they could just move and “make something of themselves like the Jews did after the holocaust”

I am fairly positive I will end up married to a person of color and I am so fearful because of her opinions. I’m thinking of writing a research essay explaining why her views are so harmful(with credited sources) and making it very clear that her comments will limit her involvement in my life. I don’t even know what to do. Would I be the asshole?

Edit: there’s been a lot of discourse of the validity of the racism, which I appreciate! It’s good to know what areas to be stronger in. There is much more to add to point 2 but I was scared it would get removed. She made the statement that “Muslims are coming here and SA-ing our children” and I said “that defense means nothing from someone who actively supports trump.” I recognize that Muslims and people of color do not go hand in hand, but the context of the conversation was pointing directed at brown middle eastern Muslims.

Many people have pointed out fear mongering and I think they may be spot on. Also I have decided not to write an essay as I do think it’ll be a waste of my time as well as hers.

I also don’t have a fetish for people of color…idk how else to defend that but uh yeah. I grew up in a very conservative small town with many white people who I didn’t align with so I didn’t date them and when I left for college majority of the people I came in contact with weren’t white. That’s all!

I (43M) have been an active member of some RC Car related Facebook groups for over 15 years.
(Sorry in advance for the long post, I want to provide all the context so you can provide a proper judgment in the situation.)

Background info:
Recently, a brand posted about a new RC vehicle they were announcing. Someone commented on the post, talking about how they wish it was a different type of vehicle than what they announced, more similar to an old one from another brand that could be similar to one they used to produce. The brand replied to that commenter that it was a "completely different type of vehicle" than the one this person was comparing it to. I responded to claim they weren't really that different. There was a mild discussion between the brand and me, where we ended up basically agreeing about the distinction between the types of vehicles. Since I can't post a screenshot of the conversation, I've transcribed it verbatim here:

Transcript of FB Comment Thread:

[Brand]: @(original commenter) completely different type of vehicle than a {other brand RC car}, with a completely different intended use.

[me]: @(Brand) it's not "completely different". They are both idependent front suspension, trailing arm rear suspension vehicles with a semi scale realistic design. Yes, the {other brand RC car} has bellcrank front shocks and a full cage and this has a lexan front half cage rear (sharing a lot of geometry from the {older RC car from this brand}, it looks like), but htey are more similar than they are different.

[Brand]: @(me) An Ultra4 car ({other brand RC car}) is a completely different vehicle than a 2wd pre-runner. Two completely different intended uses. Watch some off-road racing on YouTube- then you'll understand what the difference is.

[me]: @(brand) you are missing the point. You could have made an IFS {older RC car from this brand}, and that is basically what (original commenter) was saying.
(Other brand RC car) is a rock racer modeled after some KOH cars (maybe Ultra 4 4400 class?) but it's pretty low slung compared to most 4400 cars. So it's an interpretation of an Ultra 4. Close enough though.
A 2WD pre runner is more for desert racing where it is higher speed and where you don't necessarily need 4WD for traction. So, sure, the (new RC Car from this brand) is a 2WD pre runner. Also why it's not a (Brand) branded vehicle, since (Brand) is more for rocks, supposedly. (If the brand even still exists.)
We are on the same page so far.
The suggestion was that *if* this were 4WD, it could have been something to replace the hold left by the (other brand RC car). In that case the use case would be similar to what the (other brand RC car) was.
Do you get it now?

[Brand]: @(me) A 2WD prerunner and a 4WD IFS rock racer are two distinctly different types of off-road vehicles, designed atound different purposes.
A 2WD prerunner is generally built to replicate the look and high-speed desert capabilities of a desert racing truck. It typically uses rear-wheel drive, independent front suspension, and a solid rear axle, with suspension travel and stability optimized for covering rough terrain at speed. Full-size examples are oftern used to pre-run race courses, and many are recreational trucks inspired by trophy trucks.
A 4WD IFS rock racer is built to tackle more technical terrain, including rocks, ledges, steep climbs, and uneven obstacles. It uses four-wheel drive to maintain traction at all four wheels, with independent front suspension (IFS) providing front-wheel articulation and control. Its priorities include low-speed crawling, traction, ground clearance, and the ability to navigate obstacles that a typical desert prerunner isn't designed for.
The key distinction: 2WD prerunners prioritize high-speed desert running and the trophy-truck style, while 4WD IFS rock racers prioritize four-wheel traction and technical off-road capability. They may share some syling cues and suspension components, but they aren't interchangeable vehicle types simple because both have long-travel independent front suspension.

[Brand]: @(me) it is (Brand) branded. It's on the box behind the truck.

I thought this was a pretty mundane exchange, albeit a little pedantic, admittedly. But then soon after, I got a notice that I was suspended from posting in that group with the following message:

We have officially had enough of you. Act like an adult or you'll be permanently removed from all of our socials.

Rules that were violated were:
1. Be Kind and Courteous
2. Respect Everyone's Privacy
3. Always have fun.

I was confused because I didn't "Violate anyone's privacy", the conversation was civil, and I don't see where I wasn't acting like an adult. Maybe the "Do you get it now?" was misinterpreted?

So, I attempted to join the unofficial "(Brand) owners group" to ask about what was going on there. I was rejected from joining that group with this message:

Absolutely not. You've been removed once already for being an asshole."

Now I am even more confused, so I reached out through Messenger to one of the mods to get clarification about everything. Here's the private message thread between me and the mod:

[me]: Hi (mod), maybe you can help me here. I was put on mute in the (Brand) Group and just now denied joining the (Brand) owners group with the comment "Absolutely not. You've been removed once already for being an asshole."
I have no idea what this is referring to. I don't believe I was part of this group before, and if I was removed, I was not made aware of it. Since you are an admin in this group, can you give me more insight? We're [sic] you the admin that rejected this? And if so, can you elaborate on what this was referrring to?

[mod]: How can you possibly be unaware of your behavior in the groups? Do you not remember stalking my personal FB after having to warn you about your behavior? Making comments about my weight? Everyone is well aware of you and you're no longer welcome in and of the (Brand) community groups ran by myself or the (Brand) staff.

[me]: When was this? Literally don't remember any of this.

[mod]: I just looked over your comments today from the (Brand) group before you got suspended. People are over you and how you act. Sorry. Stop sucking the joy out of these RC groups, you literally contribute nothing but rude comments and ignorant bullshit. Why in the hell would we want you around?

[me]: Look man, I'm not here to argue or refute anything I may have actually said, and if you have receipts, I can own up to it, but it is unlike me to make fun of someone's weight. Maybe I'm being confused with someone else that made fun of you. Again, though, if that is something I actually said, I will own up to it.
I've contributed a lot to this hobby in the last 15 or so years, and specifically to the (Brand) community since they first came out. I've owned almost every model they produced, and currently own at least 5 or 6 of them. I designed parts no one else was offering as a hobby, and offered them at essentially cost, I used to be a big fan of what they were doing, but it seems that some of the good people have left the company, and they are just trying to scrape by lately with who is left there. I want them to do better, because I think they had the potential for it. But, as a lot of people in other groups have been saying, it seems (Brand) is lost and may not ever recover.
Am I not allowed to critique anything? Am I not allowed to agree with someone else's comment? Is it *that* strict on their page that they don't want any negative feedback? Or because I didn't immediately agree with the brand that means I am "childish"? I didn't call anyone any names, and didn't say anything bad about them. I literally said that a (other brand RC car) is more similar to the (new announced RC car) than they are different, and I think they could have instead offered essentially and IFS (old car from this brand). I even agreed with them about the differences between a Pre-runner and an Ultra 4 car. Nothing I said was untrue.
So, I still don't see what I did wrong with the recent post.
At this point, you probably didn't even read this whole message because you are too fed up with me anyway. So be it.
If you can show me what this all started from, I'll own up to it.

[mod]: Yeah, you aren't going to play the victim in this scenario. Contributed to the hobby? Please. Take the next 28 days you are suspended from the (Brand) group, and get on board with the face that this hobby is supposed to be fun. I guarantee I'll boot you from that group too if I don't see a change in how you talk to people in the comments. Thats officially your last chance. the fact that you don't see anything wrong with how you act tells me you won't last long anyway.

[me]: I don't need to back up how I have contributed to the hobby, but I can mention a few minor examples. I designed the first (thing I designed) upgrade in 2011/2012. I designed the first (another thing I designed). I designed one of the first (yet another thing I designed). I have designed parts for the (Brand) IFS, and as far as I know, I am the only one to design parts for the (old RC car from the brand) to (specific thing to improve performance). There is much more, but since this was never my main source of income, I never put that much effort into offering my work at large scale. Like you said, this is a hobby that is supposed to be fun. And to make this my job would make it less fun.
Moving on: Explain this to me like I am 5 years old. I am neurodivergent and don't understand typical social norms the same way "most" people do. Specific to the post about the (new announced RC car), what did I do that was wrong about "how I talk to people in the comments", or how I wasn't "acting like an adult"?
If I don't have specifics, I can't modify my behavior. I am not trying to play the victim here, I am incapable of doing that. You are setting me up for failure if I can't play along with the rules that aren't written.
Again, if I truly said mean things to you in the past, I will own up to it, but I have no recollection of doing that, and it is not something I would typically make fun of, being that I am not a small guy myself. Without that, I can only assume you are mistaking me for someone else that wronged you in the past.

[mod]: You crossed a line the day you decided to start harassing me on my personal FB on a post about my health issues. You're lucky I even accepted your dm. I don't give a fuck how important you think you are. The fact that at any point you could have just apologized for being such a massive dickhead in these groups (for years now), and decided to use the "I'm important" angle is wild. You clearly haven't and won't learn how to act.

[me]: Ok, you didn't quite do what I asked. I wasn't trying to tout my "importance", just responding to your claim that I don't contribute to the hobby. I'll leave it here:
I am genuinely sorry if I ever in the past made fun of you or harassed you about any health issues or your weight or anything else. If I did that, it was wrong of me, and was an asshole thing to do. This does not excuse the behavior, and I am not expecting this to change anything or your opinion of me.

[mod]: Thing is, you absolutely know you did. You know you're a dickhead to people. even your little apology sounds like a straight up asshole. "If I did that". You know you did you pussy, own up to it. I'm upgrading your suspension to a ban. You had plenty of chances just in this conversation to make it right. Clearly you are incapable of acting right. You have been the same for years, it obviously won't change. You have a reputation for being a piece of shit vs. being respected by people in this hobby. How you talk to and treat others matters, and evidently you didn't get the memo. You will not be missed.
{mod posts a screenshot of a conversation they had with someone else about me}: I hate that guy. Always have total butch [sic?] that hides behind a keyboard. Super smart and talented, but a total bitch.

I ended it there. I truly don't think I did what this person is claiming I did. I'll admit that I have made fun of some people in the past, but never for their weight. That is not something I would ever do, so I think I am being confused with someone else. I asked for receipts so I could directly address and apologize for anything I said. He provided none and continued to bash me, call me names and use foul language.
Really, given the overall exchange, who was acting more like an adult here?
I even went as far as to download my entire FB history to search for any interaction or mention of this guy in my past posts and found nothing. This message was the first message I had with this guy. Maybe they don't show up if the message was "reported" or deleted, but there was literally nothing in my history with this guy. I thought I was offering to apologize for something I did, but don't want to apologize for something I didn't do. He offered no receipts or proof of what he claimed I did. I don't care that I am banned from these groups, and now I have vowed to avoid doing business with this brand in the future.

So, am I the asshole in this whole situation?

(Throwaway account, and all identifying information was redacted)

Hey, genuinely asking here, I just moved to this area and I don't know if I've committed some kind of social faux pas that I didn't know about.

I just moved to the DMV area and as such have been using the metro often to get to and from work. I live in a different state and work in D.C. my job is not what I'd call taxing, but every now and then I'll have a day where I'm required to be on my feet the entire 8 hours. Nothing crazy, but because it doesn't happen very often, I haven't really gotten used to it, and my legs/feet hurt pretty bad at the end of the day.

The station i get on at after work has a couple of stone benches. They're about 6, maybe 7 feet long. I'd be able to comfortably fit the entire length of my body on one if for whatever reason I decided to lay down on one.

I usually only sit on them on days I've had to stand all day, and only if there isn't a train coming for more than 5 minutes.

It's one such day, im sitting on the bench, at the very far end of it, worki bag at my feet (gross I've been told, but it is a bag I used for outdoor field work so I'm not exactly worried about the state of it). A woman, maybe in her late fifties approaches, clearly wanting to say something to me so I take my headphones off.

She tells me she would like to use the bench. I say, okay, no problem, and for politness' sake shift my bag so its between my feet instead of leaning against my leg.

She informs me that no, I need to get up so she can sit down. I ask if she'd like to sit where I'm sitting, thinking that she just has a particular place she'd like to sit. I'm autistic so I can understand that, even if I wouldn't really ask stranger to move over it, it wasn't a big deal to me to slide down to the other side of the bench.

She says no, she wants to sit on the bench. I am confused and tell her to go ahead, and she again tells me I need to get up because she "wants to use the bench".

At this juncture I'm kind of annoyed, but I don't snap or anything, I just tell her she's free to sit, and put my headphones back on and go back to deciding what I'm making for dinner that night. She huffs, makes a big show of sitting down on the ground and stays there until the train arrives, when she struggles through standing up and dusting herself off. I intentionally got on a different car than her because she didn't stop glaring daggers at me the whole time. I think I caught the word rude during a pause in my music, but I didn't take my headphones off again to confirm.

I do make a point to follow the metro etiquette- offering my seat to any elderly people or kids/moms if they're being forced to stand, only taking up one seat and keeping my bag on the floor between my feet, that kind of thing, so I want to know if I did something wrong here.

I don't think I did but she seemed like I was committing a crime in front of her so maybe there's something I'm missing. If in the future I should let someone have the bench, I will, but this was just so weirdm I've shared those benches plenty of times before, so I don't know.

Well I have a friends group in that I have a close friend (21F). she had a relationship in the group from 2020 to 2025 after that the guy cheated on her and some of us somehow found it and told her. And she broke up with him but he never left the group and everyone treated him normally. After sometime she got into a relationship with my other friend which the group also knew well, he is such a nice guy to ever be around, a few months later the group frequently goes to her ex house since he is also our friend later she started coming there everything was fine but later she started getting too close to her ex while she was in the relationship. And no one told him about this. She started to go to his house too often even without the group, went out with him and stayed there at night. One day her bf came to see her then she told him that "i don't know what to do with the relationship I want to be free " etc, then he started crying in the middle of the road, since he was my friend on that day i can't buy the things that all happened and i told him what happened while he is not around. It caused a tension in the group, they knew I would break out one day therefore no one asked me anything, months later now even I have sorted out things with her and started to talk again i still had this doubt AITA

So basically I (22 Mtf) am supposed this Friday to join my mother and sister at their house so we can go take a flight to where my aunt lives so we spend the week end here for her 50th birthday.

Although I wasn't a fan of the idea at first since I had a very complicated relationship with my mom side of the family (well, more specifically my mother and sister) so being stuck with them a full week end felt like a bad idea, I accepted because it was well my aunt's birthday, I'd feel bad, and I'm also weak when it comes to these kind of things, like I have a hard time saying no to such event, smaller or bigger because I know my family (well more my mom and sister but not only them) would ask why, say they want to see me and I'd end up feeling like a piece of shit so yeah, I always was bad at saying no.

So I accepted despites everything.

The thing is, I'm transgender, and told my mother and sister at the beginning of the year, they really didn't like it. My mom says that I didn't take enough time to think about it (I didn't tell her it's been 6 months since I transitionned) and that it must be something else, that it probably has something to do with the fact that I never had sex. My sister is kinda on the same page.

So after six months, I finally put my socials with my name, Pronouns and stuff, and yesterday, when I was simply supposed to have a meal with my mother, they asked instead for the both of them to come at my house to talk. I decided to tell I was about to start transitionning (telling them I was doing it for a while would have made things worse probably) and they tried to tell me to wait at least a few months more. Told me that I wouldn't be a real woman, talked to me about the fact I liked women and had male parts (they always talked a lot about my sexual life, but this time it was like their main focus, they kept asking me what kind of stuff I imagined myself doing with women which made me uncomfortable), told me I'd never pass and pointed out my height shoulders, voice etc, that I was a good looking man and that there was other solution that I could be a feminine man instead, the list goes on.

I felt like crap after that discussion, and to make things worse while I was at work and after my mom tried to call me. I didn't respond. The thing is, with what happened I do not want to see them. (I am considering cutting contact but am scared to do so) the thing is on one side I'd be safer, would not feel like crap, would avoid being misgendered and invalidated and other stuff. On the other I feel like I'd just make this all about me, ruin the mood of my aunt's birthday, would make my aunt, cousins and grandma sad about it even though they had nothing to do with that and they probably were happy to see me. (my aunt knows and was way more supportive, although I'm not certain of her actual stance on things, she tries to be understanding of both sides generally when it came to me being trans. My cousins and uncle I'm not even sure, depends wether or not they noticed on my socials)

So WIBTA if I didn't go?