I was with a group of people watching the new love is blind and there was a scene in which one of the contestants Wilnie (an african american lady) stated she typically dates white men. One of the guys piped up asking "Would white men even like her?" and someone asked why not, to which the guy then said he felt like white guys typically only like girls like her if they were light skin and had nice hair. When he said that I was honestly shocked and immediately told him that was super racist.

He seemed genuinely confused and was defensive saying that it wasn't racist and that it was simply an observation. He asked me to pull up the definition of racism which I did and read out the portion that said racism included "prejudice and discrimination: holding negative attitudes, hostility, or stereotypes against individuals/groups based on their race, skin color, ethnicity, or national origin leading to unfair treatment".

He again insisted that he wasn't being racist and wasn't discriminating against her, that he was simply pointing out it was an observation that she didn't fit the traditional beauty standard and that's what most white guys would like from what he has seen. But I said he was being prejudiced and assuming an entire race of people wouldn't like her simply because of her ethnic features (dark skin and braided hair) instead of having eurocentric beauty features like lighter skin and "nice" hair like he said.

In my experience I have seen many white men date black women with all sorts of different features so I personally didn't feel like what he was saying is right. We went back and forth for about ten minutes and I admittedly did start to get a bit heated because I felt like I was right but he continued pushing back and genuinely didn't seem to understand. He kept saying it was just an observation and not racist so I am willing to accept being wrong if that is the case.

FYI neither of us are white or black, we are both East Asian.

So, AITAH for calling him racist?

This happened today, and I’m still annoyed about it.
I recently bought some stickers off Etsy for my water bottle. They say things like “Ronald Reagan is a lesbian” “Trans Rights Are Human Rights” “Keep Abortion Safe and Legal” and “Give Earth a Chance.”

Today I showed my mom the stickers and she got REALLY mad about the lesbian one. I guess she thought I was a lesbian because of it, but I honestly don’t know. She started quoting the Bible and talking about how wrong it was. The thing is she doesn’t even read the Bible like that so I don’t understand why she suddenly started using it to argue with me over a sticker.

She also got upset about the trans rights sticker. She started referring to transgender people as weirdos and telling me I shouldn’t advocate for them because I’m not transgender myself. Apparently, according to her, if I’m not part of a particular community I shouldn’t be supporting them.

I don’t understand that logic. Do you have to experience discrimination personally before you’re allowed to care about other people?

But the situation got worse when my little sister stepped in to defend me. She said there was nothing wrong with my stickers, and my mom told her not to defend my “nonsense.”

Then my mom brought up how my sister has gay friends and referred to one of them using the f-slur.

THAT’S when I lost it.

My sister is 14. Her friend is around her age, possibly even younger. Why is a grown adult using a homophobic slur to describe a teenager? This is a kid who is friends with her own daughter, and my mom is talking about them like that.

I started yelling at my mom that she cannot call a 14-year-old the f-slur or use that word against gay people in general. I was genuinely angry, and I wasn’t going to sit there and pretend that what she said was okay.

I understand that people have different religious beliefs and opinions, but I don’t think that gives anyone a free pass to insult people. I also don’t understand why my mom thinks I shouldn’t support LGBTQ+ rights just because I’m not transgender or necessarily part of that community.

The stickers are on MY water bottle. They’re not hurting anybody, and I’m not forcing her to put them on hers.
I know yelling probably wasn’t the best way to handle the situation but I was angry about how she was talking about LGBTQ+ people, especially my sister’s friend.

So, AITAH for yelling at my mom over this? Was I wrong for losing my temper, or was I justified in calling her out?

My ex and I have a very firm no-contact boundary. We don’t speak, and that’s how things have been ever since we ended.

Recently, a few of my friends brought it to my attention that he had been DMing them as soon as we broke up and up to date. In the screenshots they sent me, I found out that some of these messages actually dated back to when my ex and I were still together, but I didn’t bring that up or mention anything about the timing.

I messaged him once, saying:

“Next time you want to DM my friends just to get aired, please save yourself the embarrassment and don’t. Occupy yourself with something more worthwhile and focus on building something positive for yourself. Goodbye.”

Then I blocked him immediately. I wasn’t looking to interact or engage with him whatsoever weather it be starting any type of a conversation or getting into an argument with him.

However, he saw the message and went out of his way to contact me on a different platform , responding with:

“are you good in the head? where do you get the audacity to say something like that to me after all this? i’m gonna make something clear,
i’ll dm whoever whenever i want because it’s my life n since when has shooting your shot been something to be embarrassed of? and then what makes you think i’m not doing anything positive for myself when you aren’t involved in anything about my life currently? please keep your words to yourself n actually respect me when i tell you to never contact me again.
i’m js gonna block you icl, what a mistake to not have apparently
actually i’ll unblock because i wanna say something, this is actually the funniest shit ever
for you to go out of your way to do allat, rlly is funny
goodbye now”

For context, I wasn’t upset or literally anything of that sort that he was trying to shoot his shot with someone. He’s free to pursue whoever he wants, and I’m not claiming otherwise nor do I care abt what he does when he does it or who he does it with. What bothered me was that he was contacting my friends, and they were the ones bringing it to my attention.

I also recognise the irony of messaging someone with whom I’ve mutually established a strict no-contact boundary, especially when I could have simply ignored the situation. I broke that boundary to make an unnecessary comment, and I can fully acknowledge that.

But I genuinely wasn’t expecting or wanted a conversation, nor did I continue engaging after sending the message. He was the one who chose to take it to another platform to respond, despite the fact that I’d already blocked him.

So, AITA for breaking no contact to say that, or was my message unnecessarily petty and hypocritical given that we had both agreed not to contact each other?

EDIT: Okay, I fully agree and aknowledge that I’m the asshole here. Normally, I’d have ignored the situation and let my friends handle it themselves. However, I think my reaction was rooted in the fact that I found out he’d been cheating on me and sexting other people. I was already carrying a lot of resentment, and I think that influenced my decision to break no contact just to get a dig in.

For additional context, he’s also broken no contact multiple times himself, whether by sending me pictures of his pets, sharing songs, asking if I’d blocked him because I’d deactivated an account, or reaching out about aspects of our relationship he wanted clarity or closure on. I’m not saying that justifies my actions in the slightest or that I embody any tit for tat tendencies, but I just think it’s relevant context.

Also, my friends didn’t know he was my boyfriend when he initially messaged them. Once they found out, they brought it to my attention. I’m not blaming them or suggesting he can’t pursue whoever he wants. I just wanted to clarify that my reaction wasn’t really about him shooting his shot weather it be with my friends or not; it was about the anger and hurt I was already carrying from the infidelity. That’s an explanation, not an excuse.

Long time lurker, first time poster.

The issue: I’ve been dating this woman for the past few months and it’s been a drastic change, A. Because she has a son. And B. She’s a very devout Pentecostal.

The first few times we hung out were great but something kinda gave me a bit of though when we were at dinner and randomly said a few things; that she never voted in her life, that she doesn’t have a problem with the LGBTQ community, she feels that marriage is between man and woman and would not raise her son to see that is right, and that she is against abortion. After that, I told her my opinions being that I’m for people being who they want to and being who they want to be with and that I’m completely for a woman’s right to do with their own bodies. I didn’t think nothing of it and I didn’t think she had a problem with what I told her.

Fast forward a few months later, we were hanging out at her place while her son was watching this Baby John cartoon on Disney+ and gf’s cousin came by to try on some clothes she was trying to sell her. Then she glances at the the tv and says “Is this Cocomelon? It’s banned in my house.” And she proceeds to search google for a clip of the show where it has a same sex couple singing along with their child who was playing dress up in a tutu. I asked what was the big deal and then she responded “ because it’s teaching them that that is right!” And I responded, “Hey, some kid in the same situation will look at that and say hey, I’m not different, I’m loved by parents.” “I don’t have a problem with gay people, my best friend is gay! I just don’t think it’s right for a show to be doing that!”

I just stopped and excused myself, ended it there and apologized. Everything else went to normal and she left not long after she tried on the clothes.

But I did notice a change in my gf. She went cold and distant not long after the incident. Barely talking, not her usual self. I tried to apologize but she said “no need, you believe what you believe”.

The next morning, I was heading home and received a text from her saying that “we need to have a long and hard conversation and that she was alarmed and concerned about my beliefs.”

What’s not helping matters is that she is moving fast. I’m coming out of a 10 year relationship.
We’ve only been together for 2 months and already talking about moving in, which is a red flag though the honeymoon phase clouded my views.

So, AITHA??

I have a 15-year-old student staying with me as a lodger. Her family moved away from the area, but she wanted to stay at her current school, so they decided to look for a room for her. I agreed to let her stay in my house.

The first weekend was quite rushed because we weren’t originally planning for her to move in so soon. When she arrived, I ended up giving her a toothbrush and a towel because she hadn’t brought everything she needed. I know this might sound petty, but it bothered me a little because I wanted to keep things separate and maintain clear boundaries. I agreed to provide a room, not to take on a parental role, although I did try to be understanding given the circumstances.

After the first week, I called her dad to check in and let him know that she had settled in. During the conversation, he made a joke along the lines of, “You’ve got two children now.” I know he may not have meant anything by it, but it really annoyed me because I don’t have two children, and I’m not looking to take on another parental responsibility.

I agreed to a lodger-and-landlord arrangement, and I want to keep it that way. I’m quite particular about my boundaries, and I think that comment made me worry that her family might start seeing me as someone who should take care of her beyond providing accommodation.

Since then, I’ve been conscious of not blurring those boundaries. I haven’t been offering her food or cooking for her, because I don’t want an expectation to develop that I’m responsible for feeding her. I know she’s only 15, and I do feel bad about the situation, but I also don’t want to find myself feeling responsible for things that were never part of our agreement.

The arrangement was that her family would bring her food every weekend. However, it’s now been around three weeks, and her family has only come once to bring her a proper portion of food. On other occasions, her dad brought her a box of noodles and that’s all she eats.

I’m starting to feel frustrated because I don’t want to end up taking on additional responsibilities that I never agreed to. At the same time, I feel uncomfortable knowing that she might not be eating properly, and I don’t want that to become something I feel guilty about or responsible for.

Another major issue is her personal hygiene. I don’t think she has used the shower in my house more than once since moving in. There’s a noticeable smell coming from her room, and whenever she opens the door, the smell spreads throughout the house. It’s becoming really unpleasant, and I’m finding myself increasingly irritated by the situation.

I feel conflicted because, on the one hand, I feel bad for her. She’s only 15, she’s living away from her family home during the week, and I’m concerned that she doesn’t seem to be getting proper meals. I don’t want her to be neglected or go without food. On the other hand, I agreed to provide accommodation, and I’m not comfortable with the arrangement gradually turning into something that involves more responsibility than I expected.

I think the comment from her dad about having two children has particularly affected how I feel about the whole situation. Perhaps I’m now more sensitive to anything that makes me feel as though I’m being pushed into a parental role. I don’t want to be expected to provide meals, toiletries, or general care, and I don’t want to feel guilty for not doing those things when that wasn’t the arrangement I agreed to.

Honestly, I’m already at the point where I want her to move out, even though she’s only been here for about three weeks. I’m questioning whether I should have agreed to this in the first place.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too rigid about my boundaries, given that she’s only 15, or is it understandable that I want to keep this strictly as a lodger arrangement?

I am a 30+ transgender man who moved away at 17 and started HRT (hormones) at 18 and surgery at 20. I returned and left home several times in between. My mother and I now live together and my sister no longer lives with us. She lives with her 3 children and "fiance" who is the father of her children.

We spend holidays going to her house or with her family and her "fiance's" family coming to ours. Her "fiance's" mother, Tiffany, usually attends as well. My sister and her "fiance" have been together for roughly 17 years. They met while we were in highschool. I had never met Tiffany or spent any time around her until maybe my mid 20s. At that point I had a full beard, masculine voice, body, and more. Here's the issue:

At no point has Tiffany ever correctly referred to me as a man and consistently refers to me as she/her, girl, lady, woman, etc. I typically correct her or ignore her depending on my mood. I've brought this up to my sister and my mom on multiple occasions because it's truly just disrespectful at this point with it being nearly 15 years later. She didn't even know or see me as a child. I haven't looked feminine since maybe I was 13 or 14 years old.

This past weekend was my niece's birthday party. Tiffany usually makes the cake but for whatever reason I'm always the person cutting. While I'm cutting and serving, Tiffany misgenders me and I quickly tell her to stop referring to me that way. She immediately gets defensive. I continue cutting cake and she continues being defensive. I politely ask her to stop talking to me. My sister starts telling me that I should go outside and I tell her I'm fine but that Tiffany needs to stop referring to me this way because it's rude.

The entire time Tiffany is going on and on about how she's known me for so long and that she has to "get used to it." I tell her that she had 15 years to figure it out and that she never even saw me before my transition so there really is no grace to be given. Again, I sternly tell her to leave me alone. My sister immediately sides with Tiffany. I tell my sister that its pretty messed up that she doesn't have my back and that Tiffany has repeatedly done this at every single family gathering ever since I have known her. My sister starts pulling me and pushing me away from the table and talking about how much she paid for the party.

I politely ask my sister to stop touching me and she won't stop. My mom walks over to stand between us and then my girlfriend walks over as well. I tell my mom that I'm leaving and I ask my sister if she's going to take our mom home. My girlfriend and I walk out and eventually my mom walks out and we all leave.

On the drive home my sister texts me some very horrible messages and claims I don't know how to conduct myself at a children's party. Mind you, my sister is typically drunk and/or high in public, including children's sports games where she publicly drinks from the liquor bottle. I usually don't spend time with my sister because of her behavior and how loud and toxic her life is. She's constantly fighting with her "fiance" like actually fist fighting and screaming in public. This happens 99.9% of the time no matter where we are.

I eventually respond and tell her that I didn't care how she felt and that I have the right to correct people when they misgender me or disrespect me. 15 years is overboard. There weren't even children at the table because they all left to play on the trampolines in a crowded trampoline park. The number of gatherings my sister has ruined has to be in the dozens at this point.

Later that night she continued saying rude things to me, telling me that if I want to be a man I should act like one and accept an apology when it's given. Then she texts saying I should tell my girlfriend thank you because my niece loved the gifts we got her, but then proceeded to call me an asshole. So I told her she was being rude, to leave my girlfriend out of it, and that I don't have to accept repeated disrespect for 15 years. I told her to not text or call me for anything else because she decided to choose a bully over me and it was very simple for her to just ask Tiffany to stop after I said I was completely fine.

Even my mom was upset with my sister and felt that Tiffany purposefully started drama because the people she came to the party with were all laughing and egging her on. My mom was very upset because she had never seen me upset in public that way. I believe that Tiffany should have just left me alone. All I did was correct Tiffany and ask her to stop speaking to me about the situation. She continued talking, very loudly in my ear and instead of my sister telling Tiffany to stop, she blamed me as if I'm the person who caused the issue.

I believe Tiffany has taken advantage of the fact that I am usually more quiet and tolerant when this happens. Everyone expects me to not saying anything and to just move on. At a certain point "I'm sorry" or "I forgot" or "I'm not used to it" isn't an apology. It's a very clear choice that is being made that I can no longer tolerate after years of harassment from my neighbor who began attacking me after my mom outed me. I had to file a restraining order and more because the lady kept banging on our door with a baseball bat and using her cars to block my car. My sister witnessed these things happen. This is the reason I no longer put up with transphobic bullies.

Doing what Tiffany did puts me in harms way. We were in a place full of children and their parents. Calling attention to my trans identity in a situation like that is harmful. I didn't know the other adults at the table, they could be violent like my neighbor. What if I needed to use the restroom? Now everyone might start to feel they have a right to demand where I pee or attack me because they don't want me in whatever restroom. There was just no reason for her to misgender me. She got her slice of cake and should have walked away.

Am I the asshole for leaving my niece's birthday party after being publicly humiliated and receiving no support from my own sister?

This happened a year ago. Long story short my wife very rarely buys me gifts but last year surprised me with a pair of the leather slip ons form Tecova. I had assumed she had seen me looking at their boots and decided to buy me what she could afford, but they just weren’t my style and I didn’t want her to waste her money on something I wouldn’t wear so I asked her to return them. She got upset and kept insisting I give them a try, until ultimately I told her they were just too effeminate and I would never wear them. I shared this story with some female coworkers and they said that I was supposed to wear them to make her happy and I was a jerk for the way I reacted. So AITAH? Should I just accept gifts for what they are? At the time I realized I did hurt her feelings, but I knew they were a bit pricey and just would have rather her kept the money than kept the shoes buried in our closet

I (23F) live in a shared apartment with two roommates, whom I’ll call Mia and Sophie.
Sophie and I get along really well and have become good friends. Mia, on the other hand, has been difficult to live with. In my experience, she often lies and leaves messes behind without cleaning them up.
Ever since Mia moved in, several of my belongings have gone missing or been damaged. At first, it was small things, like my milk and sanitary pads disappearing. Then my favorite spoon, which has a lot of sentimental value to me, started going missing. Last week, I discovered that my $20 bowl had been broken. It was irreplaceable, and nobody admitted to breaking it. I never received any compensation for these incidents, so I ended up having to accept the losses myself.
What makes this situation even more frustrating is that I’ve always tried to take responsibility when I accidentally damage someone else’s belongings. For example, I once accidentally got a single, extremely tiny drop of hair dye on Sophie’s soap dispenser. The stain wouldn’t come off, so I immediately gave her the money to buy a replacement. I didn’t argue that it was only a tiny drop or that she should share the cost with me. I simply took responsibility because my actions had damaged her property.
Yesterday, something else happened. I had prepared a salmon meal for today. Salmon is expensive, and because of my budget, I only buy it about once a month. The portion I had prepared cost approximately $10.
At some point, someone apparently soaked my prepared salmon in some kind of liquid, making it inedible. I suspect it was water because the salmon was wet, but I honestly don’t know what liquid it was or exactly what happened. Either way, I can no longer eat it and have lost both my meal and the $10 I spent on it.
Nobody admitted to doing it. Mia even told me that it was my own fault for leaving my food in the kitchen.
We use an app called Tricount to keep track of shared household expenses. Since nobody would take responsibility for ruining my food, I entered $5 for each roommate, expecting them to reimburse me for the $10 loss.
Both Mia and Sophie think this is unfair. Their argument is that the $10 should be split equally between all three of us because we don’t know who did it. According to them, each person should effectively bear $3.33 of the cost, including me.
I disagree. I didn’t ruin my own food, so why should I have to pay part of the cost of replacing something that someone else damaged? I understand that one of my roommates might genuinely be innocent, and I don’t want to make an innocent person pay for something they didn’t do. However, I also don’t think it’s fair that I should automatically have to absorb the loss simply because the person responsible refuses to admit what happened.
The hair dye incident is part of why I feel so strongly about this. When I accidentally stained Sophie’s soap dispenser, I immediately offered to pay for a replacement, even though the damage was tiny. I expected nothing less from myself because I believe people should take responsibility for damaging other people’s property.
What makes this especially frustrating is that this isn’t an isolated incident. My belongings have repeatedly gone missing or been damaged, and I’ve never been compensated for any of it. I feel like I’m constantly expected to accept these losses to keep the peace, and I’m finally trying to set boundaries.
I don’t have proof that either roommate ruined my food, and I realize that entering a $5 charge against each of them doesn’t prove they were responsible. But I also don’t think I should have to keep paying for other people’s actions.
So, Reddit, AITA for making my roommates pay for ruining MY $10 salmon, or am I the asshole for charging innocent people when nobody will admit who did it?

EDIT: To clarify, I’m not claiming that both roommates definitely did it. I suspect the salmon was soaked in water, but I don’t know for certain what liquid was used. My point is that I didn’t cause the damage, and I don’t think I should automatically have to pay a third of the loss just because nobody will admit to being responsible.

To answer some questions:
- I cooked the salmon
- it was on the counter top to cool off
- it was NOT in the sink
- it was DRIPPING wet the whole plate and the cloth that I put over my food where drenched in this unknown liquid

Hi guys !
I am in a kinda shady situation right now and don’t know if I (20F) am in the right to ask my boyfriend (19M) for my money back.
Last Saturday, we threw a birthday party for him, his best friend, my best friend and a friend of ours. So 4 people. Everything is going fine, we did the commissions (idk if that’s the right word or not, English is not my first language) to buy everything for the party and I split everything by 4, so they had to pay the same amount. I advanced all the money because I was the one accounting and did all the preparation and paperwork for the party. It was a total of 23€ per person, as I bought everything that I had listed on an excel sheet.

The day of the party, like 6 hours before it began we had to prepare the room. I noticed that we forgot to buy helium for the balloons so I sent my boyfriend to go buy it. He paid it with his own money, and It costed 20€, but he didn’t ask for it back. I figured I’d just put it on the common budget (they did not pay me back yet). We went with him one last time to the retail store because he said we should buy « personal » drinks that wouldn’t be put in the common list as we (the people throwing the party) would be the ones drinking it, and not the people we invited to the birthday party. We agreed, and so it wasn’t put in the budget, as he said it wouldn’t ask for the money as only us would drink it. The total was 34€. My best friend also bought a bottle that she paid with her own money and didn’t ask for anything back, even tho other people drank from it.
Now that the party’s over and we’re going over the budget, I said I would get the money from everyone from the deposit that we got back.
My boyfriend then proceeded to say, in the group, that I didn’t have to take the 23€ from him because he bought alcool and the helium bottle. I then told him that it was only for us to consume and wasn’t in the common list, but he said that he didn’t drink from it but everyone else including the guests did. He also said he couldn’t give me money right now because he’s tight on money, and that he could give it to me next month, because he gets paid on the 9th.
The problem is, that I was assuming I would get my money back from everyone and now only have 20€ on my bank account, and getting my 90€ back would really relieve my as I am only getting paid on the 9th.
I do not agree with him and think that I should take the 23€ back, because we all agreed to it and he specified while buying the other bottles that he wouldn’t put them on the budget.
I think it’s also right to specify that he makes far more money than me, as he has a full time job and I work part-time as a student.
Would I be the asshole if I took his money ?

Sorry if it doesn’t make sense, I’m open to explaining more in the comments !!

I have an upcoming “milestone” birthday and I floated the idea of a weekend trip away to my friends. Then, they had to tell me they’d booked a weekend away to a picturesque city in my home country for the weekend.

A barn conversion plently large enough to accommodate our group, but far enough out of the city that we could party undisturbed.

I am greatful and it was a nice surprise, but I’ve had a few days to think about it, and I just don’t want to go. We did something similar a few years back for another friend, and it was great, but I am just not feeling it, like at all.

I haven’t pulled the plug yet, but I know that they won’t lose any money, so long as I tell them this week (the booking is a couple of weeks from now).

Would I be an AH if I pulled out?

I (22M) have been dating my girlfriend (24F) for about 3 months. We met in June and started dating in July.

She wants me to meet her parents. Her mom lives in another country and her dad lives in a different city, about 12 hours from here.

I’m planning to move abroad next year, and I don’t want to rush things. At first I told her I’d be okay meeting them in 7 months, but the more I think about it, the more I feel it might take even longer than that. To me, meeting someone’s parents is a big step, and it feels too serious this early.

She’s sad and angry. She thinks I’m not serious about her or that I don’t treat her like a real partner. She also told me that none of her exes ever refused to meet her parents, which made me feel even worse. I’ve never met a partner’s parents before, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about this. For context, I’ve never introduced anyone to my own parents either. In my family the rule is that you need to be together for about 2 years before bringing someone home, so this is just how I grew up.

I do care about her and I’m not trying to hurt her. I just don’t feel ready, and I don’t want to promise something and then not follow through. AITAH?

okay so a few weeks back I was sitting in my fourth period elective class and quite a few of my friends were in this class and it’s a really chill class so we often times use it as a break to catch up with each other

I was trying to pick up on what my friends were saying and from what I got, one of our friends who we will just call “Rowan” got a girlfriend. I was in shock so all I could say was “wait, Rowan got a girlfriend? Oh okay good for him I guess.” and then that’s when my friends all informed me that it wasn’t a healthy relationship. The thing is, I couldn’t hear things properly because my entire friend group was sitting in a straight line and most of the information was coming from either the middle or the other side of the line and we were essentially playing a game of telephone for everyone in the group to be able to hear. Because of this I couldn’t pick up on much but what I could pick up on was the reason why it isn’t a healthy relationship.

So from what I heard, Rowan was offered a burrito, but he would only get the burrito if he started dating this girl in our friend group who we will just call Jazmine. The thing is all of us are in middle school and if you’ve ever been around a middle school boy, you know that they are the stupidest species to exist so obviously Rowan agreed in a heartbeat and ALLEGEDLY chomped on the burrito like there was no tomorrow. And I was like “oh dang, I feel bad for whoever his girlfriend is” and everybody just kind of agreed with me, but since I was having a hard time hearing everybody, I didn’t pick up on who exactly the girlfriend was but I knew it wouldn’t be anybody in fourth period because otherwise nobody would’ve said anything to anybody.

When I got to fifth period it was pretty chill too and our teacher let us sit with a partner to do some homework, and Jasmine sat in the row behind me with her partner because she has fifth period with me, and since Jasmine is in our friend group, I decided to tell her the news. So I’m like: “Jasmine did you hear that Rowan got a girlfriend? Man, I feel so bad for whoever the girlfriend is because apparently Rowan only dated them for a burrito and I think that’s horrible” the thing is when the sentence was halfway out of my mouth, I could tell that Jasmine was getting angry/acting weird so my speech gradually slowed down, but I kept talking because the sentence was almost finished and then that’s when she dropped a bomb on me “ you wanna know who that girlfriend is? It’s me.” I just kind of sat there for a second but honestly, I didn’t give a fuck so I was just like “oh okay” and she said “for the record he gave the burrito back I don’t know why people are saying that he didn’t” honestly I didn’t believe that for one second but I mean alright.

and then she went on to start defending Rowan’s problematic friend who has been sexuallyharassing my best friend for months now. I honestly said that Rowan and his friend can go lick the ground if they want because yet again, I don’t give a fuck. I honestly felt little to no remorse saying that though. But fast-forward to today I was sitting in the gym and just talking to some of my friends when all of a sudden, my friend who we will just call Sarah came down to talk to me and I didn’t think much of it because sometimes she likes to sit alone in the gym away from most of our friends so that she can get some work done and sometimes she’ll sit there talking to Jasmine too and Sarah all of a sudden asked me something

She asked “Hey *my name\* Jasmine was saying some things about you and it didn’t sound like stuff you would do at all so I just wanted to ask you, is it true that a few weeks ago you said that Rowan’s girlfriend was probably an ugly weirdo?” I told Sarah that I never said that and that I just said that I felt bad for whoever Rowan’s girlfriend is and that nothing that I said was directed towards Jasmine specifically I would never call her an ugly weirdo because she’s actually very pretty and I wouldn’t judge anybody that I don’t know all I was doing was expressing sympathy because I wouldn’t want anybody being in a relationship where they’re being used for stuff like Jasmine is. Sarah thanked me and told me that she knew I wouldn’t say anything like that but she wanted to check with me just in case.

Honestly, I have no clue why Jasmine would say that I called her an ugly weirdo when I literally didn’t? And that friend that I mentioned earlier, who was harassed by one of Rowan‘s friends who we will just call Axel told me that Jasmine was very upset with what I had said, and she was venting to Axel about it because I had pissed her off. I probably would be pissed off too if I was in her shoes, but I just don’t think it was right of her to lie. Maybe I deserve it. I don’t know. But I genuinely just didn’t feel remorse for what I said and I feel like it would be better for me to just not say anything than to give a fake apology because I very well could lie through my teeth and apologize, but I’d rather not. I didn’t know that Jasmine was pissed off to this extent and I feel like she could’ve just came to me instead of doing all this shit but I don’t know that’s just my opinion. Aitah?

My friend gave me a jumper and then I sold that jumper on eBay and got quite a bit for it. All my friends were very mad at me at the time for selling it.

I am now in the same situation with a gift of a two seater sofa, I know I can sell this sofa for money but aitah if I do get money for it or shall I just give it away for free?

I spoke with her and she does not want the sofa back and she never asked for money, I have also had the sofa for years and I’m moving and I can’t take it with me

I could sell it and then give her some of the money? Or should I pass this gift to someone else in need? When I received the sofa, I really needed one and did not have the money.

We're both 19f/m. I was friends with this guy for almost 2 years. A couple months ago we got ourselves into a situationship. But when he said he wanted to ask me out I kinda shut down??? I was freaking out because he said if I said no he would stop talking to me with a really angry tone. At the same time I had the sudden realization that he's not that good of a partner. I struggle with communication and that's something we talked about even before we started to get involved with each other. We also said that he needed therapy before we even considered dating. So I was confused about why he was even going to attempt to ask me out when he hadn't started therapy and I was still too "secretive". He didn't ask me out that day but when I got home I started looking back at our time together.

He would constantly talk about how two of his other friends wanted him so bad, but the one time I asked a hypothetical question about me ending up with somebody other than him he got upset. He would make sexual comments about me even when he knew they made me uncomfortable. He would constantly ask to finger me, and do other sexual acts even when we agreed in the beginning we wouldn't do anything sexual. After I said no he would say "90% of the times that I ask I'm joking". We did have another conversation about this and it ended with him saying that "I needed to give him something". There was one time he asked to dry hump me while I was laying down on his couch while I was over at his house. I kept saying no and turned my body to the side because I really didn't want him to. When I did end up laying on my stomach he almost got on top of me before I moved outta the way. One day he even made me touch him. I moved my hands a couple of times before I just gave in. He apologized afterwards but even then he would make jokes like "remember that time I Saed you", and I would awkwardly laugh it off. He did say he would try to think before he spoke because he would flip out if I did any of the stuff he did to me happened to me.

The last month of talking to each other I was super dry. I wasn't acting like that on purpose but I didn't have it in me to pretend I wasn't going through a whirlwind of emotions. We broke it off and decided to stay just friends. He said he would have to learn how to distance himself from me without having any resentment because we were so close for so long. Then said he hoped we would be friends for a long time.

I felt bad for thinking about dropping him because he's a sweet guy overall he just sucks at relationships. I wouldn't have been friends with him if he was a complete asshole. He cares about the people he's friends with he just doesn't think before he acts. In the end I dropped him for my own peace. I blocked him on tiktok, messages, and insta. It's been almost a month since I dropped him but I can't help but feel bad for him. At the end of our last hangout after my birthday when I left the car my sister told me he said that I hated him and that I'd never talk to him again. I ended up crying in my bathroom after hearing that because I can't hate him but I wouldn't turn back on my decision.

I know I'm writing him out to be the bad guy but I know I'm not a complete saint either. I struggled to say how I was feeling until he asked me, and I used to say things were fine when they weren't. I was super attached to him and I didn't wanna lose him but I didn't want to be trapped in a relationship with someone I can't even tell my feelings to without worrying if they're going to ignore them. We were really good friends and we had a lot of good hangouts this is just a lot of the bad complied together. I just can't ignore all of the bad things I let slide because of my attachment.

Only my best friends know the details of all of this my family just thinks that we stopped being friends so I can't ask them for advice. I want to know if Im the asshole for dropping him without giving him an explanation or giving him advice on what not to do to his next relationships.

I have asked a similar question in other subreddits, in case anybody has seen my other 2 posts about this guy. Also please let me know if I should add a flair to this post!

We’ve been together for three months now. I’m 26F and he’s 25M and basically when we cuddle he always has to touch intimate parts like he wants to initiate sex. He usually sleeps at my house because we work different hours in a day so night is the only time we can see each other (almost every night). Last night it was late and i couldn’t fall asleep and I always get up early and he doesn’t so I was really pissed that I couldn’t sleep and then he was cuddling me (he big spoon) and then started touching my boobs or ass. I moved away his hand and he put it on my waist and then turned away. We then fell asleep. I don’t know why men always have to touch intimate parts and can’t cuddle normally without it leading to something else. AITAH for not wanting him to touch me?
I really like him and enjoy sex with him but not every night and not every day. Most of the time I’m really tired and I need a good night of sleep to function.

Well I have a friends group in that I have a close friend (21F). she had a relationship in the group from 2020 to 2025 after that the guy cheated on her and some of us somehow found it and told her. And she broke up with him but he never left the group and everyone treated him normally. After sometime she got into a relationship with my other friend which the group also knew well, he is such a nice guy to ever be around, a few months later the group frequently goes to her ex house since he is also our friend later she started coming there everything was fine but later she started getting too close to her ex while she was in the relationship. And no one told him about this. She started to go to his house too often even without the group, went out with him and stayed there at night. One day her bf came to see her then she told him that "i don't know what to do with the relationship I want to be free " etc, then he started crying in the middle of the road, since he was my friend on that day i can't buy the things that all happened and i told him what happened while he is not around. It caused a tension in the group, they knew I would break out one day therefore no one asked me anything, months later now even I have sorted out things with her and started to talk again i still had this doubt AITA

look, I have a maid, alright? This happened just minutes ago and I'm feeling kind of iffy about it.

I'm in the living room chilling n eating my bread when she walks over to me and asks me to transfer her money ( 50myr, which is 12usd. but 50 is still a large price to me ). I asked her "why?", and she told me that she "wanted to pay money to TikTok so she could post a video and let the whole world see it." I tell her it's stupid, and suddenly she's flailing her limbs around like she's a child throwing a tantrum and crying, vocally.

we went on and on and on about why she needed the money and I kept saying "No, just ask my mom to transfer her the money" ( because she's the one who gives her earnings ). She kept repeating about how influencers on social medias such as Instagram and YouTube can make a large sum of money because they pay the app for the whole world to see. I reason that maybe it's the apps algorithm seeing that people like videos such as theirs, and pushes their videos into the main stream so that others would watch it too.

Maybe it's unreasonable as I kept doubting that she could make money off of videos that were filled with jealousy ( because she told me specifically she wanted to pay TikTok to make a video of her wedding which fell apart and she wanted her ? husband's family to see it, which is genuinely, incredibly stupid?? )

I'm kind of this 🤏 close to giving her the money because she's sulking.

edit: I will tell ma when she's back from work

My son (less than a week from being 14) has been going through a phase over the past few years, and that phase is that everything I say and do is wrong, stupid, and/or immoral. I know this isn't exactly unheard of in teenagers, but it's been going on since he was 9, and it's gotten particularly bad over the past year. I want to sing along to the songs in the car ride and encourage him to sing with me? Human rights violation. My video games? They have anime women, so it must be porn. Vtubers? Well, it's anime women online so they must be doing porn. Making crass jokes with my friends online in the privacy of my own room? We're all brain-rotted gooners. He's constantly accusing me of "only looking at porn all day." He seems to ignore the fact that I work 12-hour shifts all week and am on my best behavior because I work with seniors, and that I've never objectified a woman, but I must only have porn and nudity on my brain all day. But it's gotten to the point where he'll even say stuff to insult me to his friends while on a Discord call with them. When he does that, I'll say something light-hearted to embarrass him. It's nothing like insults towards him, it's purposely awkward jokes or one-liners that would make anyone cringe.

But onto today's incident. We had just picked up McDonald's and we were driving home. I haven't had a night off in a while, so I really wanted to spend it with him, and McDonalds was the start of that. While we were driving home, he asked me a question. "Dad, what do you think about people who watch Hazbin Hotel?"
"I think the show is targeted towards mentally ill women."
"EXACTLY!"
"Nah, I'm kidding. It's probably a good show. Just not my cup of tea."
"Oh, I have no respect for you then."
"Excuse me?"
"Everyone who watches that show is evil."
"Hold on a minute. I know plenty of people who enjoy that show that are wonderful people. [Lists examples]"
"Well they're all stupid. And if [person] likes it, it must be porn because they're a porn person."
"She's a Vtuber. She doesn't do porn. Just because you don't like it - and you haven't even watched it, nor are you old enough to - doesn't mean they're bad people. Just because people like things that you think are inappropriate, doesn't mean you have the right to dismiss them as horrible people. Laissez-faire. Live and let live."
"I don't know what any of those mean, and I don't care."
"It means you shouldn't be a judgmental prick, [son]."
"If that's coming from you then I know it's wrong. All you do is play your porn games all day, are a gooner, and a complete idiot."

At that point, I pulled the car over.
"Get out."
"OKAY OKAY. I'm sorry! GEEZ!"
"No, I said get out. You can walk the rest of the way home."
"Can I take the McDonald's with me?"
"No, I'll see you at home. A good walk will help you clear your head. I don't tolerate hateful rhetoric and walking will help you think about how your words are harmful not just to others, but to yourself."
"I don't know the way home!"
"Yes, you do. It's a quarter mile, straight up the road and you turn right when you reach the park."
And then I left. None of what I typed was me yelling. Despite what my son tells my parents, I don't yell unless he's trying to talk over me.
I pulled into the driveway a minute later, and sat in the car. I pulled up the Life 360 app (a family tracking app for anyone who doesn't know), and just watched his location to make sure he stayed safe. We live in a very rural area. The amount of police incidents here is one domestic disturbance a year. The quarter mile was a country highway that get's virtually no traffic after 7p. The next quarter mile was in the completely lit up park that might as well be a gated community for how safe it is. But I also noticed that my mom was leaving her house and walking. She lives on the other side of the park which is further away from my house than where I dropped off my son. My son arrived 10 minutes before my mom did. When he got there, he said, "I'm taking my stuff and the McDonald's to grandma's."
"No, you're going to your room. We'll talk in a few minutes."
When my mom arrived, I greeted her and then said, "Mom I'm handling it. Would you like me to drive you home?"
"YOU JUST ABANDONED HIM ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!"
"First of all, no. He was closer to the house than your house is and he knows the way home. I also was keeping track of him. Second, did he tell you anything that he said? Did he tell you why he was kicked out of my car?"
"No, and it doesn't matter! You're either letting me take him or I'm calling the police!"
My brother (my brother lives with us rent-free) walked out of the house with his personal firearm equipped with my son and his backpacks, and then they all walked to my mom's house together.
Now, when I'm stressed and upset, I clean. So after cleaning an entire room of the house. I called my mom and asked, "Did everyone make it to the house okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine."
"Okay, tell [son] that his food will still be here tomorrow and he can come home after school and we can talk since I have tomorrow off, too. And please let him know that hateful rhetoric and stereotyping are not allowed in my house. ....And then explain to him what those things mean. Actually, let me talk to him. I want to tell him that I do love him and then I'll tell him myself."
She put me on speaker and I could hear him laughing in the background.
"Hey, I love you, [son], and that kind of hateful talk is not allowed in our family. We're going to talk about that-"
"WHAT HATEFUL LANGUAGE? I just said I didn't like the fans of that show! Earlier you were going on about [comedy song with crass jokes]!"
"First, you brought the song up because you thought it was really funny that your friend was using it as a soundboard. It wasn't a problem until I liked it too. Second, this isn't about that."
"But his soundboard wasn't the whole song! You just make it weird!"
"So it's okay to just have a little bit of-?"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU'RE ALWAYS MAKING DIRTY JOKES AROUND ME!"
My brother then says in the background, "Yeah, it's your job to lead by example."
"[Brother], butt out. He's not your kid. [Side note, this seems to be something I have to address every-so-often in my family because I've constantly been undermined by them his whole life] [Son], stop deflecting. This is about-"
"AND YOU ALWAYS ACT AGAINST THE BIBLE AND-"
This was the point at which I yelled. "[SON], I AM TRYING TO SPEAK YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT! DO NOT TALK OVER ME!"
And then my mom hung up the phone.

So... AITAH for kicking my son out of my car half a mile from our house and having him walk home for saying hateful things?

If I'm wrong about this, I'm ready to get absolutely bodied in the replies and admit I'm wrong.

Context:
I’m a white man mid 20s my girlfriend is black but not African. We live in the Bay Area.

So a few weeks back we went to this event in our town where they have food trucks, vendors all sorts of stuff. We found this lady who makes mudcloth shirts that fit like a poncho. To be honest I didn’t know what a mudcloth was at first but I knew I liked how it looked so I tried one on and absolutely loved it! It’s so comfortable and loose fitting. The lady who makes them was black if it makes a difference, and she agreed that it looked good on me (I get it, probably just trying to make a sale) but I got it.

Then walking around this event that’s predominantly black I wore it because I loved it so much. I honestly didn’t think anything of it. This other vendor who was also a black lady complimented me on it! Said she loved how it looked. I also did get an odd look from a random person walking by but didn’t really think much about it until later.

Fast forward to us getting home and my girlfriend makes a comment about it and I’m shocked because I honestly didn’t put 2 and 2 together but once she said something about it maybe being awkward that I wear it, I did realize the prints are definitely African and me wearing it could be seen as problematic. Now my girlfriend is not African so she didn’t feel comfortable straight up telling me I can’t wear it because it’s also not her culture.

Now I’m torn on if I can wear my new favorite shirt out and about or if it may be seen as problematic. I don’t want to bother anyone with it, I just simply love how it looks, feels and fits. I did research and know what it is now, and I also know the lady I bought it from makes them so it’s from a sustainable source. It may be worth noting that the city I live in has a large black population group so I just want to be sure me wearing it will not be offensive.

Would I be the asshole if I wear this out and about? Or should this be an in the house shirt only? It feels like a shame to just wear it in the house since it really is a great quality piece. Thank you!

Edit: quick edit after I re-read my post, I want to be clear my gf also likes how it looks. She isn’t saying I can’t wear it but that I should maybe be thoughtful about where I wear it. I made this post to get other opinions and make sure I’m going about this right

This chick is a complete nightmare anytime I have to work with her and she’s always trying to push her tasks off on me anytime we interact. Today she did some passive aggressive ish and CCd my boss in on an email trying to huff and puff about something that’s her responsibility. My boss has my back I’m not worried about that. I’m more just sick and tired of interacting with this girl and dealing with her pettiness and I feel like her CCing in my boss on something just sent me. I feel like I should continue to be the bigger person and just continue to let it roll off but the devil on my shoulder says to burn her and start a long game plot to get her fired. Please talk some sense into me and tell me I’d be a ahole! 😭

AITAH for cutting old "EX Best friend/roomate off?

Hey guys kinda new here, anyway so recently my (EX friend) whomever i was living with beat and strangled his girl.. ig they had a fight and she put MY gun to her head (wasnt even aware it was in the house btw) (i left it with someone i thought i could trust that lived 50 miles or so away and they returned it to said roomate without informing me or anyone else aside from said roomate) he punched her in the jaw to get the gun away(the cops say that was reasonable but whatever) then when she starts crying he put his arms around her neck saying "shut the f *** up your making me look bad in front of my friends Shut the f*** up do you think this is a game?"

Then from what i was told he dragged her into his room, and continued to choke her.

I live downstairs so I assumed they just got home drunk until I heard the yelling ( for reference i got home around 1:45 am to 2:00 am this happened at 2:25 am ish)

So i go upstairs to confront them and see what is actually happening and as soon as bro opens the door she runs out of the house, he soon follows. I get outside to see what is happening and I see him shove her. Thats when I grab dude by his shirt and start pressing him. (mind you idk what happened or how it happened up to now)

She starts to back up and he got away from me and jumped on her hood, she then proceeds to drive off with him on her hood.( it would seem he also put a solid crater in her windshield, trying to get in)

Either way the cops told me the jist of what happened and we are now choosing to leave the residence, I am kicking him out of the car shop we shared and I will be putting all "eviction" and or house fees we shared on his account because I refuse to pay for guys actions.

However AITA for putting all the fees on his card considering he is the one that got us evicted. And or AITA for not wanting to be anywhere around him anymore?

I’m a local musician. I did some touring with a band in the past but I’m purely a local musician these days. My wife and I have agreed that any communication that I have with females about gigs or anything needs to be communicated with her so that there’s no discrepancy about what the communication is about. She also has full access to my phone and can open it at any time without question. Recently someone contacted me about playing a private party, something I do pretty often. This person has never seen me play before and just contacted me on a reference from someone else. After getting the contract and stuff sent over I invited this woman to come see me play at a local gig at which my wife, child, and parents were all going to be at (something I’ve done tons of times whether they are male or female). My wife says that although I was transparent about the communication, I wasn’t transparent about inviting them to see me play (because I then found out after inviting them that they were from out of town) and that isn’t something I should be doing because a woman could get the wrong idea. While I maintain that I didn’t do anything wrong I accept that boundary and won’t do that again without talking to her first, no biggie. But she is stuck on how I don’t see anything wrong with it and I feel like it’s something I’ve always done so that if someone who hasn’t seen me play before can get a feel for what it is that I do because people have different tastes in music and performances. Am I the asshole for not knowing that I need to specify that I invited them out to the gig when that isn’t something I knew before now?

I (male in early 20´s) just got out of a tram, which is my main means of transportation to my school. Problem with the trams? The drivers. Most of them will close the door right in front of your faces and leave without you. Most of the time, you see someone running toward the doors, only to be denied access. There are a few who are willing to open the doors again for someone, which is nice. But today was a strange case..

I was on board tram 12, which stops closest to my school. I boarded at he 1st stop and everything was fine. 2nd and 3rd aswell.. 4th though was a stop where something happened.

People got off, people got on. The doors were already starting to close when I saw a guy with 2 sandwiches running towards the door. The doors closed, and he slammed into them because he was running and didn´t handle the landing. I saw him, so I pressed the button to open the doors. I pressed it multiple times but the driver didn´t pay attention, The guy who slammed into the door then started knocking on the door, which alerted the driver. He opened the door and yelled: WHAT? What do you want? The sandwich guy just walked in, said thanks and walked into the tram. The doors started to close again when, all of the sudden...I saw my teacher (50+).

Now I don´t have the best memories of this teacher (she didn´t let me pass and I had to repeat the year) but I wanted to do something good...So when the doors started to close, I put my hand between the doors to activate the sensor to stop them fro mclosing....Unfortunately for me, this was an old tram...With no sensor....

So my hand got trapped between the doors.

As I looked outside, my teacher´s eyes were wide, and she had her hand on her mouth..She was shocked..I, on the other hand, I was fine and started signaling to the teacher to come in once the driver opened the doors... (Important detail: The edges of the doors have rubber padding, so my hand was mostly squeezed by rubber rather than metal.)

The driver noticed that right away and started yelling: WHAT THE F ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU CRAZY? PULL YOUR HAND OUT! I tried but no...It was stuck between the doors. He then grabbed my hand and started pulling it... Which actually made it hurt a bit....He then angrily went into the driver´s cabin and pressed the button to open the door. The doors opened and my hand was free. I then signaled to the teacher to come in. But before she could take another step, the driver closed the door again. He realized what was going on and started saying angrily: OH no no no! This is NOT how we do things here...You are out of your damm mind! Don´t do stupid sh\t like this!* And he started driving away. I looked outside the tram, my teacher was smiling, waving her hand las if to say: Don´t worry I´m going to catch the next one.

Since the next stop was both my and her stop, I got off as quickly as I could and went to class.

1st class started and that teacher immediately went to check my hand. She said she was scared that my hand had been crushed. I told her it was OK and nothing was wrong with it...

As of now, I have a little pain in that hand but nothing major...

So was I the asshole for risking my hand to let my teacher in?

I’ll be honest i’m at a really a vulnerable point in my life as I was hospitalized a week ago for a mental health crisis that being said, I’m not excusing myself. So yesterday I was invited to a camping trip by one of my close friends, and my boyfriend was also invited (keep in mind he wasn’t originally invited and was only invited because of a friend) I was not too happy because me and him had an argument before this, but I was excited because I wanted change rn. So for the whole day I planned what I needed to buy for the trip. but later that night was when it all went down, my friend text me saying how she added three more people and how the site was basically full because it’s really popular and that I can’t go. No she didn’t directly tell me I can’t go, which was why I was frustrated because she kept telling me that instead we could go ice-skating a week before that and so on even though I really wanted to go camping because I wanted to see my boyfriend. She even started to brag about how much fun I would’ve had if I went and the activities they would be doing. I was really distraught and mad, I’ve already been through a lot in the past four months. I just ended up breaking down and crying so I texted my boyfriend and told him that I can’t go because they invited two more people after me. He was obviously really upset because he was looking forward to seeing me and tried to talk to her about this. She explained to him how she can’t really do anything and so he told her that he didn’t wanna go anymore. That’s when she started to make it seem like the whole point of the trip was for him to see his friends one last time before they go to UNI. What got me even more mad was when she said that he’ll never see them again.
him being a pushover he felt obligated to go. But he demanded her that a month from now if someone changes their mind, then I can go. But the vibe is already ruined and if I go, I feel pitted. Because you don’t just uninvite someone for a new person. It’s plainly rude and disrespectful.

This morning, I got into an argument with my boyfriend because I was upset that he was still going And fell for her guilt trip. I told him how i’m busy before the camping trip and after so the next time he’ll see me is in December and how I really wanted to hang out with him. I’m still really confused because the whole reason he wanted to go was to see me (we’ve both been abroad for 4 months) and now he would rather go camping then hang out with me because she guilt trips.
I get that he won’t have time to hang out with his friends, but they live in the same neighbourhood and uni doesn’t start yet neither has he wanted to hangout with them. I know he tried to cheer me up by being all lovey-dovey, but I was so frustrated. I just told him that I didn’t care which was very rude of me so we’re both giving silent treatment.
Basically, I was uninvited for two people and felt really undervalued while my boyfriend who originally wasn’t invited can go.

And before you ask me how I know she guilt trips is because she told me the reason why she planned the trip was to see me?

So AITAH for getting really upset and should I go if someone happens to bail out of the trip?

Hi! I posted a while back about my roommate, Wendy, and boss, Tom. I just wanted to put an update out as it seems the situation has resolved. Resolved well, but also there was a lot more under the surface.

Most importantly, Wendy has been officially banned from reusing containers. She knows this now, as do all other cashiers, as it violates food safety and ServSafe standards. Apparently she kept doing it behind my back, and my roommates (Taylor and Joey) set up a meeting with Tom to try and stop her from doing it.

On the less pleasant side, it turns out that what Wendy was doing was worse than just the containers. I mentioned that I'm FTM trans and autistic in my original post, and someone questioned what that had to do with the situation (which, at the time, was nothing). Well, it has something to do with it now, so I guess that's a monkey's paw moment.

Taylor, Joey and I are all autistic and transmasc. That's important, because a coworker came to check in about Wendy. This coworker is a sweetheart, and she told me that Wendy had been saying some nasty stuff behind our backs, in public, to anyone who would listen.
She'd mostly been mocking us for being trans, calling us "snowflakes" and "soft" and insinuating she, a cis lesbian, was more "man" than us because she grew up with three brothers. In private, she constantly compared us to them and got mad when we asked her not to. She also insinuated I should detransition as a 'joke', deadnamed Joey, and was generally rude to us and made fun of us being trans.

Also, she would say things like "my roommates are so messy but won't let me do their dishes because they're autistic". Followed by a flimsy excuse of "nothing wrong with being autistic". (Which... I'm the only one who didn't want her doing my dishes. Because I have OCD. I have my own set of dishes. Which I keep clean constantly.) She also mocked us being unable to understand tone and implied we just weren't trying, which was very frustrating. She made zero effort to point out she was being sarcastic or 'silly' over text, and her style of humor was "say something rude and then laugh when your feelings are hurt".

And the mess thing was mostly that she didn't want us to have things like our backpacks in the common area, some medicine from when we all got sick on the table which we mostly use for studying, projects out (we are in art school), or any evidence that Taylor's cat existed. She got mad that the cat's toys were out. Yeah, the common area was a little messy, but it was lived in mess, and we were in the middle of midterms.

We made a lot of attempts to work with her, even set up a chore chart (she then immediately disregarded the request not to touch my dishes, which are visually different from everyone else's, and cleaned them and put them with everyone else's instead of leaving them in their set spot... to dry... because I had already washed them. Arrgh), but she kept complaining and being rude to us every time we saw her.

Because we live in college housing, we set up a meeting with our RA to try and hold an intervention, who apparently saw Wendy's actions as so bad that she contacted the head of housing directly.

The head of housing removed Wendy from our dorm and met with the people who are in charge at my job. She got official documentation that what Wendy did was against ServSafe and food safety guidelines, and banning her from doing that. Apparently it is a MAJOR issue. It's almost funny to me that she was so obsessed with our "lack of cleanliness" but then broke a huge food safety rule. She also met with Wendy and let her know what she was doing wasn't allowed, and that she was officially banned from bringing in containers.

I just felt like I needed to write this down for finality's sake! Sad it turned out like this but I hope she continues on well and has a good future time. Thanks for reading if you did. It's out of my hands now, but at least she's had a talk with the people in charge and won't be doing that again (I hope).