r/uAlberta • u/Mindless-Intern-7839 • 5h ago
Rants How I've been feeling about school and my future
I've been questioning whether I have what it takes to get into medical school. It's not that I don't care about healthcare or haven't put in the effort. If anything, part of why this hurts so much is how hard I've been trying to make this future possible.
I've spent so much time building my extracurriculars, gaining research experience, volunteering, exploring healthcare environments, and taking on leadership opportunities. My experiences with research in a hospital and job shadowing were especially meaningful because they helped me realize that I enjoy helping people, that I'm capable of working with children, and that I can find places where I feel competent and like I belong.
But my grades haven't consistently reflected the effort I've put in. My recent biochemistry midterm result of 63% was particularly upsetting, and I'm worried about how my grades in biochemistry and sociology will affect my GPA and future applications. I'm also scared that my academic record could limit my options for graduate school, not just medicine.
Part of what makes this so painful is that I haven't just been casually pursuing this goal. I've turned down social events, hangouts, and opportunities to spend time with people because I wanted to focus on school. At times, I've neglected my own health, too. I thought these sacrifices would help me get the grades I needed. It's difficult to accept that working this hard doesn't guarantee the results I hoped for.
I'm also struggling with regret. I keep thinking that I should have taken biochemistry in the spring, like some of my peers did. At the time, I genuinely believed my course choices were the better plan. Looking back, though, I wonder whether taking biochemistry then would have made this semester more manageable and given me a better chance of doing well.
I realized that when I planned my current semester, I considered each course and commitment individually rather than looking at their combined workload. Now I'm angry with myself because I feel like I should have learned from my previous academic struggles. I'm afraid I've made another mistake that could affect my future.
Underneath all of this is a fear that I don't quite know how to express to other people. I'm scared that I might not achieve the future I've worked toward, that my extracurriculars and grades won't align, and that I might look back at everything I've sacrificed and feel that it was for nothing. I'm also questioning my own judgment and wondering whether I can trust myself to make the right decisions.