More than what they see: My experience as a 24-year-old transgender woman working at Hooters in the Deep South in a highly conservative area:
(Ok this one got a lot longer than I had anticipated I guess I just had a lot to say! Feel free to skip any parts if it is too lengthy haha).
Being a 24-year-old transgender woman (MTF) has certainly had its ups and downs. Now that I'm finally living my life full-time as a woman, I've been able to experience many things that probably seem completely normal to most women. The difference is that I spent most of the years of my adolescence hoping I'd someday be able to have the "normal" things I saw my female classmates experiencing.
One thing I never imagined I'd have the confidence to do was work at Hooters. I used to watch the commercials on TV and thoughts the girls were so young and pretty. Looking back at myself when I was younger, I never could see myself now, but as if by a miracle, that's exactly where I work now, as a Hooters Girl waitress. I have medium length blonde hair, DD breasts, and a feminine figure, and I get to wear the same orange shorts and white tops as the other girls. Sometimes I'll look at myself in the mirror before work and think, "Wow, I actually look really good today." Other times, I still find myself worrying about what people are going to think when they see me. Also, the shorts are very short and tight here, so it's a stressful situation not having had bottom surgery and getting clocked by random pervy men, adding to my routine of making sure everything is "smooth" down there Most days, I wear a special pair of tucking panties underneath my Hooters shorts. They look pretty much like regular women's underwear, except they're designed to keep everything smooth in the front. Since my shorts are so tight, I usually choose a seamless pair that matches my skin tone. I still will sometimes obsessively check myself in the mirror before leaving for work because I'm always paranoid af about something showing, but having the right underwear makes me feel a lot more confident."
I think cis people sometimes underestimate just how much effort can go into becoming comfortable enough to live openly as your preferred gender. It's something that takes time, patience, and a tremendous amount of emotional strength, especially when you've spent years feeling uncomfortable with certain aspects of yourself.
Most days, I wake up hours before my shift just so I have enough time to get ready. Between shaving, applying my makeup, styling my hair, and making sure everything looks right, it can honestly be exhausting. Even after spending all that time getting ready, I'll sometimes stand in front of the mirror worrying that my face doesn't look feminine enough or that somebody might notice something "off" about my female appearance that I don't want them to notice.
My voice is probably my biggest insecurity. I've spent years practicing speaking in a more feminine voice, but when I'm nervous or tired, I sometimes catch myself slipping back into my old speaking habits. Working as a waitress means I'm constantly interacting with customers, so it's something I'm aware of throughout my shifts. There are times when I wish I could just talk without having to think about how I sound.
Despite these challenges, I genuinely enjoy working at Hooters. I love getting dressed up, looking good, and being treated like one of the girls. There's something incredibly rewarding about hearing customers refer to me as "miss" or "sweetheart" without giving it a second thought. Those little interactions probably wouldn't mean much to most women, but they can make my entire day.
Of course, working somewhere like Hooters means customers are going to look at your body. I knew that when I applied, and part of me actually liked the idea of being confident enough in my appearance to work there. However, being transgender adds another concern because I sometimes wonder whether customers are looking at me because they find me attractive or because they've figured out I'm trans.
I've had customers flirt with me, compliment my appearance, and even ask for my number. Those experiences can be really validating, especially considering how insecure I used to feel about my body. Unfortunately, I've also had people ask uncomfortable questions about my body or make comments that left me feeling embarrassed and humiliated. Sometimes, when that one in a thousand guy gets a sixth sense and suspects I'm transgender, the way they treat me changes almost immediately which ofc makes me nervous. If it's really bad I'll ask a co-worker to help me with the table but most of the time nowadays I just ignore it and assure myself there are only there for a short time and I won't have to deal with them for much longer.
Some of the girls I work with have been absolutely wonderful. They've helped me with my makeup, given me advice about hairstyles and clothing, and included me in conversations about boys, dating, and everything else we tend to talk about during our shifts. Being included in those conversations without feeling like an outsider means more to me than they probably realize.
Unfortunately, not everyone has been as accepting. I've overheard customers conversations stating that MTFs shouldn't be be allowed to do this or that (including working at Hooters) and about how we're not really the same as the other girls. Those are some of the hardest moments for me because I'm simply trying to live my life and be happy with who I am.
I remember one particularly bad day when a customer realized I was transgender and made a comment loud enough for several nearby tables to hear. I laughed it off and tried to act like nothing had happened because I didn't want to make the situation worse. But once I made it back to the restroom, I started crying.
I found myself questioning everything again. Was I feminine enough? What more could I do? Did I really belong at Hooters?
One of my coworkers noticed something was wrong and eventually came looking for me. After I explained what had happened, she gave me a hug and said something I'll probably never forget.
"Girl, you belong here just as much as any of us. Don't let some idiot make you forget that."
I don't think she realized how much I needed to hear those words.
There are still days when I struggle with my appearance, my voice, or worrying about what other people think. I sometimes catch myself comparing my appearance to cis women and wishing I didn't have to put so much effort into things that seem to come naturally to them. I know that isn't necessarily fair because every woman has her own insecurities, but it's something I've struggled with for a long time.
Still, things really have gotten better.
I once wasn't sure whether I'd ever be able to live openly as a woman, but now I wake up every workday, put on my Hooters uniform, go to work, pay my bills, make friends, and experience a life that once seemed impossible for me.
Lately, I've even started having days when I don't spend twenty minutes examining every little detail of my appearance. Sometimes I simply style my hair, put on some light makeup, smile at myself in the mirror, and leave for work. That probably sounds like such a small accomplishment, but for me it's huge.
I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to look perfect every minute of every day to be comfortable with who I am. Cis women have insecurities too. They have bad hair days, or days when they don't feel attractive, and things about their bodies they wish they could change. Realizing that being a woman doesn't mean I have to constantly prove that I am one has helped me become more accepting of myself.
At only 24 years old, I recognize that I still have a lot of growing and learning ahead of me. There will probably always be people who judge me because I'm transgender, and I know there will be more difficult experiences along the way. However, I'm slowly getting better at ignoring what other people think about me. Their opinions still hurt sometimes, but I'm learning that I shouldn't let them determine how I feel about myself.
If there's one message I'd like another trans girl who's struggling to hear, it's that things really can get better. Maybe not overnight, and maybe not exactly how you imagined, but they can.
For over half of the years of my life, all I wanted was to simply be "one of the girls." I wanted to be able to get dressed in the morning, go out with my friends, have a normal job, and experience the same things other girls my age were experiencing without constantly worrying about being transgender.
I used to think that if I could just look feminine enough, have the body I wanted, and live full-time as a woman, everything would somehow become easier. I've learned that it doesn't always work that way. I still have insecurities, and there are days when I question myself more than I'd like to admit.
But there are also days when I'm laughing with the girls at work, getting compliments from customers, or simply looking at myself in the mirror and feeling happy with the person looking back at me.
Those are the moments that remind me how far I've come.
I know that being transgender will probably always present certain challenges, and I can't control how everyone chooses to treat me. What I can control is how I choose to live my life.
I'm 24 years old, I'm finally living as the woman I've wanted to be for so long, and although things aren't always easy, I'm happier than I was a few years ago.
For the longest time, I was so worried about whether other people would accept me as one of the girls that I sometimes forgot to enjoy finally being myself.
I'm starting to change that.
And for any other trans girl who's still struggling or wondering whether she'll ever get to live the life she wants, I hope my experience shows that things really can get better. I'm still figuring things out myself, but I'm finally getting to experience a life I once thought I might never have.
And I wouldn't trade that for anything.