When having sex with lifestyle partners do you have more orgasms than you do with your spouse/partner?

Anything you think people getting involved should know?

I (38F) have had this fantasy of watching my husband (38M) have sex with another woman for quite sometime. We have told stories, bought toys to simulate this, and have gone as far as going to strip clubs to watch him get lap dances.

If we were to go through with actually acting this out, where would we start?

-Where do we find someone?

-How do we protect our marriage? (The most important thing to us)

-What kind of conversations should we have?

-What sort of boundaries do you suggest?

We want this to be enjoyable and connecting.

I’m sorry if this is the wrong sub. Being new, I wasn’t really sure where to post or what this fantasy is called.

My sub and I are headed to an all-inclusive, adults only resort soon that allows nudity and sex in most public places.

We’re looking for a day collar that would make sense for an environment where swimming in saltwater and chlorine pools as well as sweating will be common.

We know leather is probably a no go, but any suggestions for materials, styles or brands?

Thanks in advance for sharing your expertise!

I'm a 22M and my partner 22F. Today she asked me what i thought about going to a swinger club. We've been 5 years together and we are both bisexual.

We tried a polycouple situation for about a year 2 years ago but it didn't worked well with the third person. We've tried different experiences since then... last year we had sex with another couple, friends of ours.

My partner has more sexual experience than me since she started her sexual life first. I've only been with two woman, her and our friend and it only happened once.

After a few experiences we decides we were full into monogamy. But it seems like both of us think about other people too. We love each other and we communicate really well... we both agree we don't want to have a sexual life apart from each other, so...

Should we give a swinger club a try? I'm kinda worried we will be youngest there or that the place could be creepy/dangerous, it shouldn't be, but i can't be sure, right?

If yes, why or any tips? If no, we should try something different instead or what do you think?

I 45m her 44f have been married for near 23 years. Have been thinking a lot latley about trying out swinging. Maybe starting off with sex in front of others then maybe more. Wife said she may be interested in sex in front of others. What advise could i get for this. Goal is to have us both gain max pleasure and bring us closer together through exploration. Either chat here or DM me.

Just want to post here and say that I appreciate all the good advice, questions and experiences I read on this sub. When my girl and I started being interested in the lifestyle we read up a lot on this here. We asked questions, got advice and this helped us in our journey. No we’re a few years in (by no means experienced) we are in a position to sometimes give advice to people who are just getting started and we love that!

So thank you!

My wife and I have been together since 18, 24 years. We're still totally besotted with each other and have a great sex life, fun and filthy! We're really lucky. She's amazing and perfect.

We recently decided to go to a sex club because, fuck it, why not! We're only going to play with each other and possibly soft swap if we meet the right couple. We're both crazy excited, two weeks to go.

A lady got in touch with my gorgeous wife and they got chatting online. She's similar age to us, just out of a long marriage and looking to explore her bi side. She's also very attractive and charming. We chatted a bit online and she very openly said she wants us to meet up and 'have hot sex' together. She's always wanted 'to be picked up in a bar by a hot couple', so we're going to make that fantasy happen for her! We've put a date in the diary for the middle of next month, booked a fancy hotel and we're good to go.

Has anyone got advice on how to make the whole thing as fun and relaxed as possible? I can't imagine how it's all going to kick off once we're back at the hotel. My wife has never been with another woman, I've not been with anyone since before we met, and even then it was mainly teenage fumblings rather than proper fucking.

We want our third to also have a great time, it's really important to us that this isn't just focused on our wants and wishes. My wife is keen to explore another woman, and I was surprised at how hot and bothered she is about me playing with another woman.

Thanks in advance you wonderfully filthy bunch.

What do you guys do with all the naked pics you have of people you swing with? The chat / interview process means I gotta download a bunch of pics on my phone. And then more pics and vids for when we actually meet up. Usually twice a month. I don’t want my kids to see them when they play with my phone but it’s becoming so tiresome to manually hide them one by one.

Edit: I’m using iPhone

Edit 2: I got recommended unseeai to scan for nudes but does anyone know any app can find videos as well I don’t want to use multiple apps

Hi everyone. We're a couple, 50F 54M, we've been in the lifestyle for about 8 years, but we don't meet up often.
The question is this — we've decided to look for partners not just for sex (in our understanding, sex is good with close people you trust), but first and foremost for friendship, and then sex after. After all, we're interested not in "fresh meat," but in the emotions from combinations of bodies.
How common is this point of view?

Has anyone been to this club? I didn’t read the fine print when we bought a ticket to Le Boudoir and it’s at their sister location instead of their main club

Would you prefer an 8 inch flabby cock or a 5 inch, rock hard cock that can pound for an hour. My wife has encountered several flabby dicks lately and I know it's not her since theyvalways manage to cum when she gives them oral. There is a lot of chatter about dick size (my cock is ONLY 8 inches and sometimes my wife says im too small), but I know most women want the hard cock. I realize this post will probably get flagged, most of mine do, but I am genuinely curious. Maybe because its four in the morning.

Hi all, bi guy here. Much to my surprise I’ve experienced a lot homophobia when it comes to straight males in the LS. I meet couples and the guys lists himself as straight because they say listing him as bi limits their options. Hey, to each their own, that is not what my post is about.

A LS club my lady and I visit has special nights for couples only and the facility has a large open play room, it’s basically one large bed. We met another couple with a bi guy. Straight guys out there, what would your reaction be to seeing 2 guys in a 69? In any other situation I wouldn’t worry about what others think but in that environment I think it would kill my sexual desire to be looked at as disgusting or for people to want to distance themselves.

Hey everyone, been lurking here for a while and there’s some great advice in this sub. Cheers to everyone sharing their experiences

For context, I (M26) and my girlfriend (F26) have been circling the idea of swinging for a while, but haven’t properly sat down and talked about it

There’s a couple in our friend group who we know are swingers. We joke about it now and then, never in a negative way. We both really like them, find them attractive, and have a great friendship.

One night after a few drinks, I made a joke along the lines of, “Careful, they might try to fuck us!” She replied, “Honestly, I’d be keen.” We had a quick chat, both seemed open to it, and agreed to talk about it properly sometime.

It hasn’t come up since, but I get the feeling we’re both genuinely interested. I reckon getting involved with friends is probably asking for trouble, so I’d be more interested in exploring it with other people, maybe on a holiday or something

We’ve had a couple of experiences where women have hit on us, which we both found flattering. Obviously, that’s not the same as swinging, but it’s got me thinking more I guess

The thing is, we have a really really solid relationship, communicate well, and are very open with each other. I’ve got a lot of confidence in us, but you can never really know how you’ll feel until you’re actually in the situation it seems

So I guess my question is, is it worth the risk? I’m 99.9% confident we’d be fine, but is that 0.1% chance of things going shit worth gambling a good relationship over?

Keen to hear from couples who were in a similar position before they started swinging. Was it a positive experience, or were there things you just couldn’t anticipate until you tried it?

Cheers!

***MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING**\*

Hey y’all! I tagged this as “general discussion” but only because I didn’t see “seeking advice”. That’s why I’m here, really, to seek advice and maybe add a bit of context/perspective to my husband’s story. And, if at any point my delivery feels jokey, it’s my coping mechanism lol.

So about that night, it was only maybe the third time we’d been to a lifestyle club. As it stands, we’ve been in the lifestyle for less than 90 days, so you can imagine how new we were/are. That night started out pretty good. It was a Sunday which, I guess, is a bit more social than the rest of the days they’re open. I do front-facing work and so I’m forced into social interactions that I’d rather not have on a semi-daily basis. So, it was nice to “just talk”.

That relief, coupled with alcohol, lowered my guard considerably. I won’t get too much into it but suffice it to say that I’m a rather guarded person on a regular basis.

Anywho, an older man, maybe mid-50s, (husband and I are in our early 30s) approached us and invited me to speak to his wife. She seemed a bit quiet at first but I felt that we were getting along. As I’m speaking to her, I overhear our husbands talking. I HEAR my husband tell this man that I only play with him and women. For the life of me, I don’t remember what her husband said but I know it was something that acknowledged what my husband told him.

Things between the wife and I seemed mutual and the four of us entered a semi-private room. Now, I’m going to be as specific as possible about the layout of this room because I know it was a point of contention in my husband’s post.

The room had three regular walls. The fourth was fully glass which looked into the room beside it. There was a large bed/platform (if you’ve been to these kind of clubs, you know what they look like). The bed was pushed into the far corner, leaving a L-shaped walkway on the side with the door and the glass wall.

Me and the wife were warming up on the bed. As things progressed, my husband joined the two of us on the bed but still was watching. The other husband was in the corner farthest from the bed, looking on, and “playing” on his own. He was also instructing his wife on what he wanted her to do.

Later, I was on my back with my legs pointed toward the glass wall, she was on top of me covering my face and mouth. As you can imagine, this obstructed my view. The last thing I saw was my husband beside me, touching the wife’s upper body.

*\\**
LAST TRIGGER WARNING

(Most of this happened within a span of a minute)

Some time later, when my vision was completely obscured, I felt something press against the back of my thighs. Mind you, my feet are over the edge of the bed at this point. And I’d pulled them in, creating an upside-down V shape with my legs.

At first I thought nothing of it and assumed it was either my husband getting into position or her husband was brushing past me to get into the other corner for a better view since we were at a bit of an angle at this point. I tried to use my heels to push myself further back onto the bed, in case it was the husband trying to get by. Then I felt a hand grip my leg. In my mind, it’d confirmed that this was my husband. But something just felt wrong. The man put himself inside of me. I jolted, peeked up, and saw that my husband was still beside me.

I wish I could say that I threw her off me and screamed and punched and kicked. But I didn’t, I froze. My eyes cried out for my husband. He saw my look, and then left my view. An instant later she was off of me and I was curled into a ball, shaking. I barely remember leaving the room or dressing. I was shell-shocked. I felt nothing, saw nothing.

****\*

When we finally got to the car, feeling came rushing in. I screamed. And screamed. And couldn’t stop screaming. I don’t blame my husband. I truly don’t. But in the car I screamed at him, “How could you let him?”. I screamed that I felt ugly. I screamed for home, or safety, or anything. I scratched welts into my skin and pulled my hair.

My husband was shocked as well, and tried to comfort me as best he could. We were both so hysterical that he had to pull over and we did our best to gather ourselves.

When we got home, I scrubbed my skin raw in the shower. Later, in bed, he held me. And yes, we had sex. I understand that it doesn’t make sense. But in that moment I just wanted to feel something familiar. I wanted to be as close to my husband as I could be.

The following day we contacted the club. We sent them her instagram that we screenshotted before blocking her. Yes, we should have done it the same night. And I’m so frustrated with myself that we didn’t. I don’t even remember what he looked like. I never saw their membership number. And, I only barely remember his wife. Short with bottle-red hair is not much to go on. And no, I won’t unblock her to look.

Weeks have passed and I’m in therapy. We’re talking through this and other things. I’m still not okay, but I’m working on it. My therapist suggested that there are probably other people who have experienced assault/rape in the lifestyle and that it may benefit me to talk with them as well.

So here’s the ask: Does anyone know or are part of any groups that discuss assault in the swinger/lifestyle community? I’m imagining a group therapy program of some sort but whatever suggestions you have are welcome.

Thanks for reading all this, and a special thank you to everyone who was kind and helpful to me and my husband under his post.

For the people who rejected his story completely, I understand that as well. But just know it was real, I’m real, and I’m getting help.

EDIT

Hi again! Just thought I’d check in and address some common questions that I’m seeing. But first, thank you so much for listening and providing positive thoughts and feedback. I’ve also received some PMs and I will message back when I have a moment.

What did I think would happen?

- I thought we’d have a night like our first time at that club. That night we met a couple, hit it off, discussed our dynamics, went to a play area, and had a wonderful time. I only played with the wife. The men watched and only touched their respective partners.

- In short, I thought if my husband or I explained our dynamic that it would be respected. I understand now that we were naive, but it’s not as though we weren’t as clear as we knew to be.

Why have I not gone to the police?

- The answer is best explained by a few of you in the comments. I don’t think I’ll be believed and/or I don’t believe I’ll receive the discretion I need to feel safe.

- I have dealt with police in regard to an assault in my late teens. I knew the person (past partner) and had evidence and nothing came of it. I can’t imagine going through that again.

- I understand that this may be disappointing to some of you and I understand that in-my-shoes you’d probably make a different choice. But it’s my decision and it stands.

Why did my husband not see/stop it?

- My husband is wretched about what happened. He is a man who is always on the ball, always planning, always doing his best to be the best. But this journey that we are going through together is for him as well. We both want to relax and explore. And, the moment he was distracted, the perpetrator saw an opportunity and took it. As soon as he was alerted to the problem he took action.

- My husband has been so supportive and caring through this and also has to process his own struggles around what happened. Again, you probably feel that you’d handle things differently if this happened to you, but try to understand and show compassion.

We are headed to Madrid in early December and hope to visit a club or two while there. We are a fit early 50s couple. It looks like many of the clubs are spa/sauna places, which really are not of interest to us. Are there any places anyone can recommend that are not primarily spa/sauna clubs?

Just curious do we have a riyadh swinger community

My partner F27 and me M29, got into LS about a year ago. We aimed to build relationships with more than just sex. This worked really well with one couple and it really felt much better than ONS. Sadly we are no longer in touch with them and we miss them and they miss us but we are just too far apart.

This success was a product of online approach and grinding, so it was limited. Most of the people are not even in our age range.

So, we were wondering about clubs and parties, is it possible to meet good matches there? I would like to hear some success stories and perhaps get advice on how to proceed.

​

My partner (F34) and I (M36) have been in the lifestyle for a year and a half. These are some of the positive things I didn’t expect to experience in the swinger way of life:

Going out partying again: Getting dressed up, going to clubs, dancing, drinking to have fun… All of that seemed over once we had kids. Honestly, I didn’t even feel like going back to it; I preferred our life of dinners at home, board games, and video games. Now I realize it was something I actually enjoyed and missed.

The friendships: I didn’t expect to make friends, and least of all with a guy who’s fucked my wife. Now we hang out with couples and groups of couples from the lifestyle just to go out for dinner or hiking, and then meet up that same night to fuck properly. My social life has improved a lot.

The flirting and sensuality: I never stopped having sex with my wife, but we did stop flirting with each other. Getting that back with other women has been a wonderful experience. The jokes, the approach, the seduction… I love all of that almost as much as the sex itself. And thanks to that, I’ve relearned how to seduce my wife again.

Self-esteem: I’ve never felt so good about myself and my body. Same with my wife — she always had complexes about her flaws. Now she walks down the street with the confidence of a queen.

I didn’t have a small dick, I just let porn fool me

Anonymous account for discretion.

My husband and I are both 38, parents, pretty normal people, and completely new to anything like this.

Recently we’ve discovered that we share a fascination with the idea of opening things up a little and exploring some of the fantasies we’ve mostly kept between ourselves. I’m not quite ready to jump into anything major, but I’m definitely curious about exploring some exhibitionism, flirting, and the excitement of having other people involved in some way.

We’re not really sure where this curiosity is going to take us, and honestly, that’s part of the fun. We’re looking for a sexy, comfortable adventure that we can explore together without rushing into anything either of us isn’t ready for.

Not looking to lead anyone on or make promises, we’re just genuinely curious and would love to hear from people who have been there. What are some fun, low-pressure ways you’d recommend getting started?

Has any one used or seen a Sybian at a party? Being shared? Does it really give an intense orgasm?

We are an early 30’s / late 20’s couple that is interested in getting into the lifestyle. I (32M) initiated the conversation about it and she (28F) was pretty receptive to the idea after chatting it through and understanding what we would and would not be interested in.

Despite being completely new to this we know what we are at least interested in trying but don’t really know where to start. We are not interested in adult clubs at all. But we are finding out that it’s pretty difficult to get started doing this strictly digitally.

Does anyone have any advice on getting started this way from personal experience or experiences of others? We have tried several apps and most people seem flakey or we are just not interested in. Any advice or stories would be appreciated!

I mean in the real world most women say that as long as it’s at least average, penis size doesn’t matter…but in the swinger community, invariably 90% of posts are looking for a guy who is 8” plus. Assuming people are honest, do you realize how incredibly rare that is?

“A 6-inch erect length falls around the 90th percentile (roughly 1 in 10 men).
A length of 7 inches or more drops to roughly the 1st percentile (about 1 in 100 men).
An 8-inch length drops sharply beyond the 99th percentile, occurring in less than 0.01% of the male population (fewer than 8,000 men out of roughly 8 billion globally). [1, 2]”

Basically we are talking about 1 in 10,000. Are all of these guys lurking on this sub?

Besides aren’t bigger dicks usually softer?

Perhaps the swinger community specifically attracts size queens?

Are the guys they are getting actually 8+ or we just accepting that everyone is overestimating?

And if a guy actually is 8+…you know he is probably heavily booked iykwim.

I just don’t understand this one dimensional thinking. Like what about performance, girth, hardness, body type, other skills, etc…What am I missing? Just a curious observation from a chill sub-8 dude.

Assuming a club for many.