I absolutely think the world of my wife and find her incredibly attractive, I love her dearly. This is a tough topic to discuss and hoping for some insight. We have been in the lifestyle for over 2yrs, we have had a small handful of wonderful experiences but have seem to “stalled out” and from a number of conversations with my wife, I feel I have a bit of handle on why….

I think she has grown to have a false sense of her own attraction… we are a very attractive couple, objectively I think we are both Midwest 8or9/10, very fit and healthy, our personalities are probably equal, we both could work on some social things, just being honest with myself. However as of recently she seemingly refuses to even interact with what I can only describe as anything less than west coast 10s and it’s put a screaming halt to all interactions, possibly even starting to hurt our perceived image within the community…

In the past she has struggled with self confidence and had some ups and downs with weight etc, since joining the lifestyle she has worked her but off losing all the weight naturally and started taking care of herself greatly beauty wise, always has her nails and hair done, minimal makeup, she really prides herself on her natural beauty and she is GORGEOUS, we get a ton of attention on the sites and at events from what I deem congruently very attractive couples, but it stops there. We have agreed and I would never fathom asking her to “take one for the team”, I’ve tried to have conversation with her about what or who she finds attractive so I have a better understanding and can navigate us in that direction but am increasingly realizing that I don’t think we have evolved to the elite tier she thinks we have…

I wanted to get some perspective on pacing and expectations during couple play.
I can pace myself and hold off initially, but physically I prefer (and am able) to orgasm multiple times in a night. My wife is completely on board with this, and naturally, it’s something we’d always communicate and clear with potential play partners beforehand. Just I have heard from multiple couples where one guy cums and then the wife is left to wait until the other guy cums before she can start play with her original partner. I asked why did that signal that the guy was done for the night and they always say because he says it is.
Before bringing it up in conversations, though, I just wanted to gauge the room: is wanting to go more than once considered an unusual or awkward request in the lifestyle, or do couples generally treat the first male climax as the unwritten "game over" for the night? How do you and your partners usually handle multiple rounds?

We've had 4x dudes fumble the ball at the 1 yard line recently because their hand was on their dick before we ever met.

We matched, we had a plan to meet for a drink. You were in!!! Like as long as you aren't a horrid time to around we are going to have a good time...

But these guys have to be boner killers and not take hints before we even meet and this we cancel.

1. My GF doesn't send nudes... Sorry, so stop asking.
2. asking "what she's wearing" and not getting the hint on "shorts and a T" and then asking what color panties she has on??? Like dude. You are in, get your hands off your dick.... Just come to the bar later.
3. Pushing for Dp/dvp when we said we weren't into it.
4. Asking if you can send photos of yourself, and then doing it anyway before a response and then begging us for nudes and to sexy after responses like "Yes that certainly is a penis..."
5. We aren't into sexting, esp not before we meet so like dudes, when you match with a couple who is trying to make plans to meet - stop fumbling at the one by being fucking perverts.

Yes this is a website for kinky shit, no that doesn't mean you should have your hand on your dick while you talk to us..

Women --- is this the norm?

Men --- does this work for you?

What ever happened to just being cool, meeting up, and having a sexy good time?

edit:

I should note that this ain't my first rodeo in the scene...

Swingers of Ohio and those who have travelled to there, we come seeking your wisdom!

We're not new to the lifestyle, we're just looking for an on-premise club that will fit us. What we're asking about all three of the clubs below is, what's the "vibe" like? Are they welcoming to first-time visitors (and by this, we mean, as somewhat shy and introverted people, is it likely someone might come up to us and strike up a conversation?) Is the club and play spaces clean?

We'd be going on a Saturday night, probably in January or February.

And as waterbloem said below, we really should've mentioned the names of the clubs in question!

Club Eros, Club Escape in Cleveland, and Ohana's in Columbus

For those who've been in the swinging lifestyle for several years, I'm curious about something.

What do you believe is the biggest mistake married couples make once they get comfortable in the lifestyle?

Is it jealousy, poor communication, unrealistic expectations, becoming too emotionally attached, or something completely different?

And what advice would you give couples who want to enjoy this lifestyle while keeping their marriage strong?

I'd especially like to hear from people who've learned from their own experiences.

People had recommended telegram as the best tool for secure messaging and I was always dismissive. I felt like snap was enough. But it’s annoying. And I hear less secure. I finally started using telegram and I love it. Simple and functions well. The ease of self destruction is elegant lol. I’m now suspicious of folks who resist using it lol

My bf and I (32M, 33F) has been together for 6 yrs. We have been talking about exploring our sexuality through 3some, group play, voyeurism and swinging! I am raised catholic so I am more of the conservative type but I am open to explore! We tried 3some with a 22 y.o F but it was not a good experience for me coz we were all drunk and I felt left out. The girl was not an active participant both to me and even to my boyfriend, so when I saw my boyfriend fucking her, it did not feel good at all for me since I feel like he was really into her and I regretted it. She was really pretty and hot! More like the gothic style which is my bf’s type.

Should I continue to be open up and try more sexual stuff other than just the two of us? I am a little bit insecure but my boyfriend reassured me he will not leave me! Ahhh help! What should I do?!

Husband and I are both early 30s, will visit Paris soon and are looking for a club without a strict dress code.

We will be on a short trip and don't have the luggage / desire to dress up fully but are open in every other way.

Any advice is very appreciated

My Lady and I (M43, F44) are planning to go to L'Orage in Montreal for Halloween night. There are no tickets or reservations at this club. Can anyone local tell us how hard it will be to get in on that night?

When having sex with lifestyle partners do you have more orgasms than you do with your spouse/partner?

My partner and I are going to Spain in December and I thought it would be fun to check out a swingers club. There are none where we live but my partner had a few reservations while I’m all for checking it out. He was saying he thinks it’s weird that we go and not participate. I’ve never been so I don’t know how this is perceived.

I am mostly the curious one and he isn’t quite sure if he wants to even go and that is one reason. I have told him it could just be fun to vouyer and if we feel honey maybe we have sex together or, if it feels weird we leave. He also mentioned the pressure to be naked. Where he feels like if everyone else is naked we’re going to feel pressured. I mean I know consent is huge within the lifestyle but not sure if it would be weird. I need to do more research on the clubs themselves.

Lastly the language barrier. I’m a native Spanish speaker he doesn’t know it well enough to be able to talk to anyone which I totally get.

So for those that have experience I’d love some insight on these things so I can get an idea of how it works.

I appreciate you reading !

We are very new to the lifestyle and thinking about going to a swingers all inclusive. Has anyone been to any of these that would have recommendations and help us understand how things work at these resort?

We are couple in mid 30's. Been married for around 6 years now. While our time together we just had a normal sex life. We usually make out around 2 times a week.

So few months back we got super high and started watching porn. I confessed to my wife that I have a fantasy to be in an orgy. She seems surprised but we fucked 4 times that night.

Then for a few weeks did not discuss about it.

Then again while making out she stared asking me more about my fantasies I said the same thing that I want to be in an orgy with her. She just kept on asking me about my fantasies but never say a word about hers.

Finally few days back she admitted she has this fantasy to swap partners(she was nervous telling this). We discussed about this and are not sure at the moment what we should do , what little steps we should take.

We love each other very much and don't want to complicate things with jealousy.

Need advise for the bigener couple in the LS.

Anything you think people getting involved should know?

I'm a 22M and my partner 22F. Today she asked me what i thought about going to a swinger club. We've been 5 years together and we are both bisexual.

We tried a polycouple situation for about a year 2 years ago but it didn't worked well with the third person. We've tried different experiences since then... last year we had sex with another couple, friends of ours.

My partner has more sexual experience than me since she started her sexual life first. I've only been with two woman, her and our friend and it only happened once.

After a few experiences we decides we were full into monogamy. But it seems like both of us think about other people too. We love each other and we communicate really well... we both agree we don't want to have a sexual life apart from each other, so...

Should we give a swinger club a try? I'm kinda worried we will be youngest there or that the place could be creepy/dangerous, it shouldn't be, but i can't be sure, right?

If yes, why or any tips? If no, we should try something different instead or what do you think?

$260 entry for Miami Velvet is insane.
I’m new to the scene but wow this is amazing expensive

I'm getting on in years and I'm a dad and while I generally connect with women who are relatively close to my own age (above or below), I don't seek out any particular "age," but rather just focus on overall chemistry and attraction.

I've been noticing the last year or so that I'm being, I don't want to exactly use the term "targeted" but I'm becoming very attractive to a specific demographic which is beautiful women in their 20s who maybe have a daddy/dilf kink or generally "older man" kink.

This has been a bit surprising but I'm very much non-judgmental of all kinks and happy to go with the flow.

I recently posted a bunch of content on Reddit from one of these connections and got some really odd reactions including from people I know irl, something about it being gross or possibly unethical.

I'm trying to wrap my head around what is gross or possibly unethical about having a hookup with a fully consenting adult who is seeking me out as a "type."

I've asked a few of my close women friends and one of them suggested some sort of deep-seated psychological "competition strategy" where older women (30+) see women in their 20s as competition and use roundabout arguments (eg "it's unethical") to dissuade "eligible men" from having sex with younger women (see the podcast link for an extended discussion about that topic).

I know the community in this sub is very diverse but just thought it would be interesting to hear some of your thoughts on the topic.

I 45m her 44f have been married for near 23 years. Have been thinking a lot latley about trying out swinging. Maybe starting off with sex in front of others then maybe more. Wife said she may be interested in sex in front of others. What advise could i get for this. Goal is to have us both gain max pleasure and bring us closer together through exploration. Either chat here or DM me.

My sub and I are headed to an all-inclusive, adults only resort soon that allows nudity and sex in most public places.

We’re looking for a day collar that would make sense for an environment where swimming in saltwater and chlorine pools as well as sweating will be common.

We know leather is probably a no go, but any suggestions for materials, styles or brands?

Thanks in advance for sharing your expertise!

A while back I got herpes from somebody who didn't disclose they had it and unfortunately I passed it onto my partner. I have fantasies about going to the swinger clubs or playing with other couples but it's made us really apprehensive about any sort of lifestyle play.

Are there any couples here who have been in the same boat? What are some things you guys do or don't do?

I (38F) have had this fantasy of watching my husband (38M) have sex with another woman for quite sometime. We have told stories, bought toys to simulate this, and have gone as far as going to strip clubs to watch him get lap dances.

If we were to go through with actually acting this out, where would we start?

-Where do we find someone?

-How do we protect our marriage? (The most important thing to us)

-What kind of conversations should we have?

-What sort of boundaries do you suggest?

We want this to be enjoyable and connecting.

I’m sorry if this is the wrong sub. Being new, I wasn’t really sure where to post or what this fantasy is called.

My wife and I have been together since 18, 24 years. We're still totally besotted with each other and have a great sex life, fun and filthy! We're really lucky. She's amazing and perfect.

We recently decided to go to a sex club because, fuck it, why not! We're only going to play with each other and possibly soft swap if we meet the right couple. We're both crazy excited, two weeks to go.

A lady got in touch with my gorgeous wife and they got chatting online. She's similar age to us, just out of a long marriage and looking to explore her bi side. She's also very attractive and charming. We chatted a bit online and she very openly said she wants us to meet up and 'have hot sex' together. She's always wanted 'to be picked up in a bar by a hot couple', so we're going to make that fantasy happen for her! We've put a date in the diary for the middle of next month, booked a fancy hotel and we're good to go.

Has anyone got advice on how to make the whole thing as fun and relaxed as possible? I can't imagine how it's all going to kick off once we're back at the hotel. My wife has never been with another woman, I've not been with anyone since before we met, and even then it was mainly teenage fumblings rather than proper fucking.

We want our third to also have a great time, it's really important to us that this isn't just focused on our wants and wishes. My wife is keen to explore another woman, and I was surprised at how hot and bothered she is about me playing with another woman.

Thanks in advance you wonderfully filthy bunch.

What do you guys do with all the naked pics you have of people you swing with? The chat / interview process means I gotta download a bunch of pics on my phone. And then more pics and vids for when we actually meet up. Usually twice a month. I don’t want my kids to see them when they play with my phone but it’s becoming so tiresome to manually hide them one by one.

Edit: I’m using iPhone

Edit 2: I got recommended unseeai to scan for nudes but does anyone know any app can find videos as well I don’t want to use multiple apps

Just want to post here and say that I appreciate all the good advice, questions and experiences I read on this sub. When my girl and I started being interested in the lifestyle we read up a lot on this here. We asked questions, got advice and this helped us in our journey. No we’re a few years in (by no means experienced) we are in a position to sometimes give advice to people who are just getting started and we love that!

So thank you!