For a long time, I’ve been struggling with addictions and bad habits that were really self-destructive. I’ve also noticed a pattern: every time I tried to stop one of these addictions or bad habits, another one was intensified by a big factor. I kept running in circles, trying different solutions, only to find myself back where I started, or sometimes in an even worse place. The only thing that really seemed to be effective was doing nothing.

Three years ago, I was at the peak of my tobacco addiction. I would roll really strong tobacco and, many times, smoke without a filter. Seeing where I had gotten myself, I decided it was time to stop. Of course, it wasn’t easy. Many times, when a trigger happened, I got a really strong physical sensation that I needed to smoke again. This sensation never actually stopped, it just became more and more manageable. I realized that the sensation only went away when I was really focused on other things, but when I was bored, stressed, or even excited, it would come back. As I struggled through it, I became really addicted to porn, social media, and web surfing, to the point where I thought I would be unemployed if I kept moving in that direction. Those bad habits came in handy when quitting tobacco because they completely stopped that annoying physical sensation of uneasiness and craving.

Honestly, quitting porn, social media, and web surfing was harder than quitting tobacco. I mostly don’t do it anymore, but there are still days when I find myself losing an hour because someone sent me a link to Instagram or YouTube and I kept browsing and searching for more until I realized I was doing it all over again. I also realized that the craving for social media, porn, etc. was the same one I felt when I stopped smoking.

When I stopped porn, I became completely addicted to short-form social media content. When I stopped social media, I either relapsed to porn or lost hours of my day searching for random stuff on the internet. When I convinced myself to stop that as well, I would lose hours ruminating on my own thoughts or watching movies and anime.

But I wanted to stop it all, not to be productive, but to live a more deliberate life, where if I was doing an activity, it was because I had actually chosen to do so.

I only felt I was starting to regain control over my life, and to stop being caught in the cycle of consumption, when I began following the strategy of doing nothing. I made a rule: when I needed to do something important, it was okay to do nothing first. By doing nothing, I mean no thinking, no technology, just contemplating the things around me. What happened was that in about 15 minutes, and most of the time even less, I got too bored and started doing what I had deliberately planned to do. Doing this consistently made me stop feeling overwhelmed, led to a simpler life, and finally made me feel in control of my actions.

Sorry for the long text, hopefully, this will help someone else.

I've been feeling this way for quite some time now. I honestly don't feel like chasing a career, competing with people, or constantly pushing myself to do things I don't even want to do.

Sometimes I just imagine living alone in a small house somewhere in the mountains, surrounded by nature, playing games, doing basic things to get by, and just living peacefully without worrying about a hundred different things all the time.

I know life doesn't work that way easily, and you still need money to survive, but I really wish there was a way to live without all this constant pressure and struggle.

I'm curious if there are other people who feel the same way. What are you guys doing with your lives? Have any of you found a way to live more peacefully without following the usual path?

I'd genuinely like to connect with people who understand this feeling. Maybe we could even make a small group where we can talk about these things and share ideas.

*****These are my own thoughts, written by me (in this day and age, unfortunately I feel the need to state this ) and not by any machine or online prescence (yes, depsite my use of hyphens).

What is self-actualisation, really?

What if it's not about the modern capitalist ideal? Not about being the thinnest, the fittest with the six pack and"glass skin" or owning the latest tech, with a perfect family, six figure business that experiences substantial yearly growth? blah blah blah

What if it's deeper? What if it's about honesty?

What if it's about doing the tough work of dealing with your traumas? Understanding why you are the way you are, what drives you, why you experience the relationship dynamics that you do, why you have your insecurities, understanding how people work on a basic level, stripping it all back to the raw wood, and then learning to overcome it - to stop resisting things that you enjoy, stop trying to be someone else, stop maintaining those relationships that are one-sided but you've guilted yourself into maintaining, stop pretending to be interested in things you aren't, things that you have tried multiple times and secretly feel ashamed that you don't like them in the way others do but you try because society tells you to.

Maybe you watch soccer because you're a man and your friends like it but deep down you don't really care about it. Just stop and tell yourself "that's ok" and allow yourself to say "actually, soccer bores me and I want to bang my head against the table whilst watching it".

Maybe you're naturally short and stocky - stop trying to become a sprinter. Or maybe you're tall and slim - stop trying to become a beefcake, and embrace being healthy and slender. By the way, most hollywood "beefcakes" are not ultra tall, and cannot in the long term maintain that beefcake condition you see in the movies anyway without maintaining an impossible and detrimental routine. Accept your biology, and then embrace it.

The classics - oh you'll read them one day of course, you say? You just need to find the time, you say. You've started Wuthering Heights but you couldn't quite get into it and you're waiting for the good part to kick off. Let's face it, you don't like them really do you? Don't read them, stop lying to yourself.

Deep down, you're not really interested in that degree that sounded so fancy - drop it (really, you're wasting time fooling yourself).

But that's not it. Go further. Dabble in various philosophies. Learn about different ways of living. Find what you agree with and what you don't. Find what works for you.

Feel guilty because you didn't go to the gym? Don't. No one went to the gym for the first 315000 years of humanity - they've only been going the last 50. Why is the gym so important? Similar for getting your nails done, your eyelashes, your Uber Eats order, and your Netflix subscription.

Maybe you've arranged to go out for seafood on the weekend, somewhere fancy. Sounds nice, right? But according to whom? Is it because you're craving seabass with a side of asparagus and steamed rice? Or is it because you've had it repeatedly hammered into you that seafood is fancy and scarce, and worth spending 2-3 times as much on. But if you're honest with yourself - you want the burger, or the noodles...

It's a rant, and some of the examples I gave might sound quite random. But in my perspective, many people seem to be going through life on autopilot. I'd encourage everyone to just take a step back and break things down to the basics. For me, this is an integral part of the simple life.

EDIT: Just to mention that the examples I've mentioned are meant to be exactly that - examples, to give a more concrete idea of what I'm talking about here. I'm not criticising any individual interests like soccer, or classic literature, nor Netflix etc. etc. (some of which I enjoy myself).

Anyone here just hate the home they bought, but is just stuck?

I do not regret bought this home, but I just hate it.

tl;dr When I bought this home, his mother priority was the only thing on my mind. Near a big hospital for her 5x times a week in and out of the hospital for treatments, and it hard to transport a quadriplegic paralyze elderly, so I want to be as near to the hospital. And her Private Nursing Home is also around the hospital too. It easy for us as we close to her, any emergency we can be there right away.

But it constant 24/7 traffic as we right at the corner of the hospital, there ALOT of cars traffics, and ambulance sirens at all hours.

And helipad of helicopters landing on the hospital roof, there actually 2 helipads in this huge hospital. And emergency is 24/7 helicopters will land with emergency patients at all time. Freaking like at 2AM I hear helicopter landing.

I am going insane, I have insomnia, and anxiety, and high strung, I feel that my body always on high alert mode.

But his mother is the priority, she 84 and terminal illness and paralyze, She been the priority for 5 years, and still is the priority. I feel that I'm going insane, insomnia is killing me too. The anxiety is worst.

-----------

Longer version: I am going insane, and I have anxiety too, I just hate my home right now, but I know it was the right choice, and I will buy it again if I can turn back the hand of time.

My mother in-law 5 years ago had a spinal cord stroke that leave her paralyze all 4 limps, kidney failures and multiple heart issues, and multiple autoimmune disease. Basically she not have alot of time left, and my husband is stretching out as many years as he can have left with her.

Because my mother in-law as to go to the hospital for treatments 5x times a week to prolong her life. When I bought this home (and yes, I bought this home with my inheritance), she was the #1 reason on my mind why I chose this home.

This home it right around the corner of a big hospital where she easy to go get her treatments 5x times a week in the hospital. And also on Monday through Friday we have her in her Private Nursing Home which is also in the same area near the hospital too.

So buy this home was easy for my husband to commute (shorter drive) to see her at her Nursing Home, as well as when he can he takes her to treatments too.

And on the weekends he has her in our marital home so he can care for her, mother and son time, her time is limited. And he takes her back to her Nursing Home Sunday night, as he has to work Monday.

And this home is big, and flat one story, so easy to transport his mom on gurney van and stretcher for quadriplegic paralyze person. He has training to transport his mother to treatments and to specialists.

This home fit all the needs for his mom, hence I bought this home without hesitation, paid with cash use my inheritance. No regrets, I will buy this home again because it what his mother need.

But I need to vent, this home it draining on me. Because it just right at the corner of a BIG hospital (we in California btw). It a constant cars traffic and traffic. Ambulances siren and traffic noise, and helipad helicopter landing on the hospital roof.

Yes I have Triple-pane windows installed, but it still loud. But then I am someone who has anxiety, and I guess I am sensitive with noise. But you be sensitive too when it ambulance sirens, and freaking helipad with helicopter land on the hospital roof. And you just right at the corner of the hospital.

And I have anxiety too which not helping me. I just hate the home. But his 84 years old quadriplegic paralyze mother is the priority right now.

And Yes, we will stay in this home until after his mom die, and we will sale it. And hopefully I get my countryside simple living dream. And that peace and quiet, free of helicopters landing and ambulances sirens.

I just hate it, hate it. But I'm okay, I just need to vent as an outlet.

I know there’s a more specific sub for this, but I wanted to hear what you guys did while dealing with grief or ways you overcame self-blame.

My cats were sick and I wasn’t able to afford the vet care that they needed. I keep blaming myself and hating myself for it.

But now that things are getting better financially, I feel like I should never be happy or enjoy the things that I have now because when I was struggling I wasn’t able to provide for them.

I feel like crying again typing this but I am just so so sad. I feel like I don’t deserve good things and I should be guilty enjoying them. I feel like I should work more and not to relax.

Any words or encouragement is greatly appreciated. Please also be kind. Thank you.

There's a cracked pane of glass in my place. It's been like that for about a year now. It hasn't spread, it hasn't fallen out, it still does its job, so it just sits on the list of things I'll get to eventually, and somehow a year goes by.

Not the leak, not the lock. The small stuff. At this point it's just part of the room. Ten minutes and a tube of sealant would probably sort it, and nothing gets bought or thrown out, which is maybe why it never feels urgent.

So what's yours, and did you ever actually fix it?

Why is it that absolutely everything overwhelms me lately?

I get a piece of mail … immediately overwhelmed.

My phone buzzes … immediately overwhelmed.

My kid reminds me she has something going on that I am obligated to attend … immediately overwhelmed. (And I realize how shitty this sounds but all of “it” makes things that should be enjoyable seem like a chore).

I don’t look forward to my weekends or my evenings because everything I need to do overwhelms me. I’ve tried and tried to simplify my life but it seems impossible.

What is all this overwhelm and am I the only one?

Lately I’ve been trying to make my days feel a bit simpler. One small thing that stuck is keeping a water bottle and an electrolyte packet with me. It sounds minor but having one easy go to drink instead of buying random stuff during the day has made things feel less cluttered.

It saves space saves money and takes one more decision off my plate. I just fill my bottle and move on with my day. Somehow little habits like this make life feel calmer.

I am only sharing this with you because this felt like therapy, I know this is not the place to share this but you have no idea how this brought happiness to me, it’s not even about perfection anymore, it’s about enjoying going with the flow!

This sub has helped and inspired me to focus more on the smallest details, I cannot even explain it…

I live in France and you've probably seen how much anger and tension we are living with, as of now. I can't stop complaining anymore and I needed to find a way to counterbalance that.

So lately I have been craving romanticizing life and sharing it with people who see the beauty in the smallest details.

Can you share with me some pictures or stories of a moment of your day that sparked simple joy?

I'll start and I will keep posting until celebrating eachother's smallness becomes a cozy blanket that get us through the cold spooky season.

Take care friends ☺️🌞

So you wake up and know today you have nothing planned. Are you likely to think, “Yea, I can make this day into whatever I want” or “Geez, what am I going to do all day?” (No judgement either way.)

I have worn a smartwatch since 2019. Lately, I've been trying to make my life more analog, because I don't think it's necessary to have everything connected to the internet + data privacy, so I'm seriously thinking about ditching my smartwatch. The thing is, I find really convenient knowing my daily steps, as I'm trying not to carry my phone all the time. It's just something I like to know, knowing if i'm having my 7-10k steps a day. I also use a lot the Pomodoro timer in my smartwatch. So I don't know what to do yet.

I've disconnected my smartwatch from my phone, but then I miss the tic-tac of a regular watch. Also the wrist band is very big and it give me a tan mark. I've also thought about buying a regular pedometer, and hang it with my keys, but I know I'm going to forget to reset it every day.

What should I do? Stick to convenience or change the battery of my old but so elegant analog watch from 2003?

Thank you in advance

How do simple living people view retirement accounts, like IRAs and 401ks? Avoid them altogether, keep them modest? I think I sometimes get so afraid about the future that I forget to live in the present.

I'm a college student and I have too many interests like singing, playing chess, playing badminton, swimming etc. And I started pursuing my hobbies seriously after I get into college so in most of my hobbies I was late to reach at the top or even respectable position at national or international level! And I want to be the best at what I'm doing since childhood. Like I am a good student since childhood and I always get good grades and I top my class most of the times. And Now whenever I play chess I compare myself to the top 0.1% in the field and feel dismotivated or just can't enjoy it just because I love playing it! And I believe that the internet is the great cause of it! Because before internet or since early times humans have just a natural desire to be best at a skill. And since they can only compare themselves themselves to only a few people they were really able to enjoy that and feel satisfied! But now you compare yourself( I don't know about you guys may be I'm crazy) to top 1% of the world directly. Like I'm one of the best chess player in my college but that doesn't satisfies me at all because I'm not a Candidate master! And please don't give me a advice that it's top 1% mentality and It's a good thing. I'm just tired of it and just want to live my life peacefully and joyfully! Edit: I don't want to excel at every hobby I have but I want to excel at only one of them! And since I realised that I can't do so because I'm late, I am feeling what's written above!

Just me, my Turkish coffee and my habit tracker

Maybe I need to add another habit “improve my handwriting” Indeed, this is something I have always wanted to work on. As you can see, I do not do much and that’s how I am trying to hack my brain since i get easily overwhelmed.

Watched a-lot of youtube videos about habit tracking, that was terrifying, how am I supposed to follow?

A view out my window in northern Wisconsin.

Since I live far away from where I study ( not really far, i just hate public transport) I usually get out early to avoid being late and to enjoy a cup of coffee in a local cafe where I can drink coffee and buy pre grounded coffee as well.

I usually buy pre grounded coffee before I go back to my family’s home so I can share my joy with my brother, it’s becoming like a culture, bonding over coffee

Every morning i text my bro telling him “ your coffee is ready”

Somehow I feel like there is something worth waking up for ❤️

I'm looking for things I can make a daily habit, and over time work towards mastery. My current habits include:

Guitar

Drawing

Game Design

Juggling

Psychology

Reading

Learning a new language

Meditation

So I have always been much more minimal than my wife and kids. There are things in my life that I tend to splurge more on, at least when it comes to my laptop and recording setup etc

Other than that I really dont like having a bunch of stuff. Daily things I carry to function are basically a cinch bag with my fire max 11, journal, glasses case, wallet and medications, pens for journaling, and a water bottle.

My wife has a massive tote style bag and tons of things she takes with her everyday, kids are kids, but trying to break the cycle of them needing new toys every time we leave the house etc.

So mainly, I am looking for any advice from fellow parents of how not only you were able to become more minimal with life and spending etc. And how to have discussions with family on how to not be so dependent on needing to keep stockpiling up on everything you don't truly "need"

Sorry English is my 3rd language. Has anyone here just want to downsize their home for simplicity or to simplify their life? Can you share your story, why did you downsize, or why you not want to downsize.

And basically I need to vent, as I don't see a way to solve this.

Long term married, 17 years, so we not young, I'm 42, husband is 41. I guess at my age I want to live for myself once.

Since young age till even now I always wanted to live a simple life, married a Chinese husband, a countryside, willow trees, a bike, a small cozy home with the man I love.

I did married the man I love (eventhough he not Chinese), but I still do not have that countryside simple life I always wanted.

My husband is an Executive with salary of 1million a year (which is far from the simple ordinary job man I want). Please don't tell me to divorce, not after 17 years. We just need to compromise on some things.
........
We live in a 3,000+ square feet house (paid, no mortgage), the thing is it just the two of us, with no kids and no pets. And it a single one-story house flat and with 3,000+ square feet it looks even BIGGER. Yes, it big for just two people.

At my age 42, I really want to get that dream of mine, basically I want to downsize, sale this home and move to the countryside, and just have a one bedroom house enough for the two of us.

btw, we are living in the city and I HATE HATE it. I never like living in the city. I grow up with my grandma in the countryside.

But let just be fair here, it not do-able, he has his career. He didn't get a Master degree at Stanford, with an Executive career, and now just drop it all and go to the countryside with me.

So basically I am stuck till he retire, which is far from now as he 41 years old. And here I will never have my dream of a simple life in the countryside.

And No, he not want to retire early, there people who workaholic and find meaning in their work especially with an Executive career. And especially with someone who has a Master degree at Stanford, he takes pride in working.

I am grateful for his level of education and career. But sorry, money doesn't make me feel safe, what feel safe is what peaceful in my heart, and it not his Executive 1 million salary, not a 3,000+ square feet house, not his SUV, not his career.

So basically I'm at dead end. If I still want to be married to this man then I just have to accept my life as is. He happy with his career for sure. But I'm not happy, I feel that simple countryside life that I always wanted is still missing.

Is that fair for me though? Don't I have the rights to live the life I want? I guess that countryside simple life I want just won't happen, not with this man.

Plan both the Sat and Sun? One day outdoor, one day indoor? I have many hobbies, choose what hobbies to do in this weekend?
How to plan weekends?Share any methods, please!!!

How to resist the boredom of daily life and work？

Share any tiny tips!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey y’all! I work as an engineer and I am constantly stressed about my job. For a while I was worried about getting reprimanded, but I got a promotion recently.

But every week, I find myself panicked on Friday nights thinking about Monday mornings. I sit down to work, and I never get up from my seat because I’m afraid of not getting enough done. I find my mind drifting after hours on weeknights towards the things I have to do the following morning, the messages I have to reply to, the deadlines I have to hit.

On top of that, every thing feels like life or death. Even when someone messages me asking for the status, I assume they’re mad at me that something isn’t done and that if I tell them as such, I will be yelled at or complained to, or my reputation will be ruined. Or when I get a task and I don’t know how to proceed, I freak out about it!

I’m looking for a way to enforce a mindset change. We weren’t meant to live like this, and I don’t want this to take up so much brain space. Any advice is appreciated!

For New Year's this year, I decided to cut back on my socials, in particular doomscrolling, since I realized it wasn't doing my mental health any good. I deleted the Facebook app off my phone, cut back on my groups, and weeded out my reddit subs to only include things that were uplifting.

Yesterday, the hubby and I were watching a video on YouTube about how bad social media is for you in general, and I was inspired.

So I deleted my Facebook account while we were sitting there watching it. And honestly? It feels pretty darn good!

I had justified reasons why I needed to keep it for the longest time. Keeping in touch with family and friends overseas. Certain Facebook groups that I'd been in for a long time. Things like that. But as we were watching this video, I realized the justifications were falling flat. I don't really talk to my family much at all. Friends I'd like to keep up with have my email. And those groups (the main reason I was rationalizing to myself to keep it)? It's been months since I've been on any of them. So it wasn't even worth keeping it at all.

I do feel a little at loose ends since I did the deed yesterday morning. Which is kind of silly because I haven't even been using it. But I'm certain that feeling will go away with time.

I'm 19 years old and I'm new to this community and I'm just fed up of living in this modern world and chasing this and that always! But I have seen a lot of videos on social media( although I have abandoned this for mental peace, I only use youtube with a blocker)! But I really don't get what it was to be in 90s because I was born in 2006( Christmas)! I appreciate if someone can tell me what it really meant to be in 90s so that I can change the way I'm living my life currently and can enjoy things that used to give me thrill when I was child or teenagerr!