[13NB] Not that I'm Anti-Social or anything but I find it difficult to start a conversation with my classmates or anyone for that matter. Because everytime I try to engage, they either just brush it off or ignore me. Any advice to help me out on this?

Hello, fellow introverts! I had a situation recently and I would appreciate your perspectives.

It's basically the title. Last week, I had met up with a few newer friends of mine and we spent time together catching up. I had some excitement recently that I talked about and though it spawned a little discussion, the time was mostly spent on other topics where others were the primary speakers.

At one point, someone joked about me being quiet, which is far from the first time that's happened. I'm sure you all can relate.

For some reason, that stayed in my head and I've been reflecting.

Granted, it's really not hard to understand why I get labeled as The Quiet One™️. I don't word vomit in the least. I speak as I need to. I don't think that people are entitled to every bit of my personal life. Likewise, I will ask someone questions to catch up but I don't go delving into their lives. Etc.

So I get it. But I realized that in the whole time I was with my friends, a lot of the convo didn't organically involve me. But I asked my friends how their week was, what are they up to next. I listened to their answers. And then I realized that they never asked me.

And they called me quiet. But I wasn't really all that involved in the first place 🫤

When this happened to you, what did you do? did you bring it up then or at a later time? I would like to try and say something but I don't want it to come off like I'm blaming anyone. I just would appreciate a more equitable chat.

TIA!

Okay, so I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past few months thanks to my treatment (depression and anxiety), and I finally feel like my life has meaning again. The one thing I’ve noticed, though, is that I still have this habit of not replying to messages. I thought it would go away as I started feeling better, but apparently not.

The thing is, I’m a pretty shy person in real life, but once I feel comfortable around someone, I’m funny and \\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*VERY\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\* talkative. Over text, though, I just can’t seem to find the energy to keep a conversation going. The only exception is when someone sends me something really lighthearted that makes me laugh or genuinely gets me excited about something.

But as soon as a conversation requires even the slightest bit of social energy, I find it really hard to engage. And when I do manage to push myself to reply, it genuinely feels like my brain has just run a 20-mile marathon.

The worst part is that when I can’t bring myself to reply, I start getting more and more anxious about it, so I put it off even longer. Then I feel even more anxious, which makes me avoid it even more… You get the idea. It’s a vicious cycle.

I think part of the problem is that I feel like my reply has to be \\\\\\\*perfect\\\\\\\*. If I can’t come up with the perfect response, I’d rather not respond at all.

I feel like this is causing a lot of problems in my relationships, even though I keep telling my friends and family not to take it personally.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any idea why this happens, or any advice on how to break this cycle?

I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thank you! ❤️

Has anyone grown to a point in life where friendships don’t seem appealing? I have people actively wanting to be friends, but as a business owner, I’ve seen various sides of people; the manipulation tactics, the emotional play people attempt in order to get what they want out of people.

As a kid growing up I didn’t have many friends. I was outcasted, a nerd, and introvert. I was slightly overweight and made fun of for various reasons. I had passions and a lot of talents for which I was also bullied for.

When I came into my freshmen year, I had lost a ton of weight, not because I wanted to, but because I discovered a love for basketball and played pickup games all summer.

Suddenly people liked me that used to bully me. And the passions they used to make fun of me for, suddenly became interesting.

I recognize as people grow, values change, but I’ve also determined that “values” are very loose in society.

I’ve had a couple of truly good friends, both older (I’m 34).
One is a really close support system and bud (55) but has congestive heart failure. Retired military officer, kindest dude you’d ever meet, amazing person. My other friend was also military, about 2 years older than me. Genuine friend, killed himself last year.

Anymore, I just can’t deal with people, or their baggage. I’m not a perfect human being myself but I will always stick my neck out for real friends.

I spend my day working with clients and employees. My social battery runs out QUICK.

I genuinely enjoy being a dad, enjoy my pets, and enjoy nature, and cooking. As someone of a mechanical and technical background, I’ve found joys in creativity. Cooking being a major outlet these days.

What about you guys? What’s your perspective on friendships? And why? What led you down this path?

i really want to know if introverts are repulsed by similar things when it comes to dating lol

here are some of mine just from experience:

- too surface level/incapable of having deep convos

- has little desire to learn more about things/doesn't read/doesn't educate themselves on things happening in the world

- only likes electronic/upbeat music (i dated someone like this and they basically thought anything with semi-profound lyrics was "too sad" or "depressing")

- cares too much about social media

- too into partying/traveling (i don't mind dating someone that's into traveling if they're doing it to explore, but if they're mostly traveling to hit up clubs in different cities and go to scene-y places that's just such an ick to me)

the list goes on. this is just a few of them.

I have been the quiet and shy one my whole life, and I’ve noticed how much it affects the way people treat me.

For starters, I rarely get invited to social gatherings, and even when I do, I feel completely invisible. Most of the time, I find myself standing all alone while everyone around me is actively chatting, cracking jokes, and having the time of their lives. Even when I try to start a conversation, I struggle to keep it going. I know conversation is a skill, but I usually find myself putting in all the effort while the other person gives nothing back, so it dies out quickly.

It even happens with people I thought I was close to. They’ll act super close to me when it’s just the two of us in a room, but they don’t even acknowledge my existence when others are around at a gathering. This is a trend I have noticed over and over again. I am never anyone’s first choice for anything. Even when it comes to things I am genuinely good at, I am never the first person who comes to mind.

It honestly feels like I don’t even exist. Last night, I was invited to a friend of a friend’s birthday party. Two other people in my group and I had never met the birthday guy before. I introduced myself, wished him a happy birthday, and right at that moment, he just forgot I existed. He didn’t even look at me again and continued speaking non-stop to the other two people he had also never met before. I was devastated. Like what?

Maybe I’m unconsciously giving off an off-putting vibe? Maybe people just don’t see me as "approachable"? I know I am the common denominator in all these scenarios, so I know I'm the one who needs to work on this, I just really don’t know where or how to start.

Sometimes when my social battery runs out I kinda give one word answers and physically move away from people, and put on headphones. Or I’ll go on my phone in the hopes that no one will try talking to me. 

I’m aware that I probably seem rude when someone’s trying to make conversation with me and I’m avoiding them, or when I pull out a book at the gathering because my social battery has ran out, but I kinda… don’t care? 

I used to care and would kinda force myself to talk despite feeling drained, but it just left me resentful. Who relates? I sometimes feel guilty about it afterwards because I imagine that people might take it personally. 

I’ve been called boring by so many extroverts because I don’t like to smoke, drink and party. Like it’s their entire personality. I’d say I’m open minded to everything but those things. I just hate drugs and alcohol and want to be physically healthy.

Like one guy was talking to me and asked “are you into that weird rock music stuff” because my job plays a lot of alternative and indie rock, like paramore and weezers. And I was like yeah I do, so now I’m weird.

Another time I was reading a book and someone asked “why are you reading (because reading is boring apparently) when you can just watch the movies?” And I can see why they don’t read with a question like that because how simple minded can you be to think every book has a movie for one. And two, that movie adaptations are better.

But you ask what they do and it’s “man I just smoke weed and get high” wow sounds like a blast, more power to you.

And I mean I’ve tried partying and it’s BORING, I mean we sat around sipping drinks. Some people got drunk and left. And then I just observed everyone else before I left.

I'm now on my second consecutive one. Not only do I get to avoid people at work, it avoids everything else also (like the commute there on packed subways) My pattern is stay home for 2 or 3 days, do groceries, then repeat. I'm loving it! In the several days at home, I don't have to deal with anyone. I hate people so much, even when I take out the garbage and see someone walking by,, I go back inside.

I love my friends, but I swear my social energy only lasts for like one or two hangouts between classes. Once I hit that limit, my brain just shuts off completely and I desperately need to go sit somewhere in total silence.
what is your ultimate, bulletproof excuse to leave your friend group on campus without making it awkward?

ive been feeling really down these past few weeks(?)

its just that......i realized i dont have any friends other than the ones i made years ago and they have gazillion friends and i dont even talk to people im so awkward..........

but uk smth.......like ive always felt that people dont LIKE me uk? like i can talk with them and laugh but they dont seem to like me and others like SM and LY and SH and more........people just seem so open with them and like they LIKE talking with them and like them. its like theres smth in me thats inherently disgusting and people dont liket to talk to me first and after so many years of this ive forgotten how to approach anyone first.

i do try to approach like for instance, i was talking with someone and they kept wanting to end the convo..and its been too many times already.

i wrry even the friends ive been with for years think ive become boring and so depressing to be around.....

theres a girl( naming her A), shes always been the quietest person for like forever and in this grade shes one of my two friends that are in the same class this year( rest have taken different streams) and ive observerd that people like to talk to A......ill be sitting right there and theyll ask if she has somthing for instance and when she says no they wont even bother asking me like im invisible and she has also become the not so quiet kid , like shes tranferred it to me and become free leaving me caged.

it started from class 9 but it was not strong and then in class 10 it became stronger but i was still able to answer people and approach first or say a simple thing to a teacher but now im so afraid all the time..will u believe if i said i carry extra books and notebooks to school in case anyone wants it for work and im able to strike up a convo but they never do........its pathetic to feel like this but since this academic session has started im so isolated all the time nd always feel invisible....the teacher knows EVERYONES name even A's but not mine, i feel like shit the whole time im sitting in class the six hours everyday are agony for me.......being 17 is not for the weak

lost the will to do anythink atp

I'm F22 and currently in my 3rd semester, but honestly, I'm still struggling to adjust to university life.

I'm not doing that well academically, and being an introvert makes things harder for me. I find it difficult to meet new people and make friends. I don't really have a close friend circle, and sometimes I feel like people only approach me when they need something.

Even when I know the answer in class, I can't bring myself to speak up. I'm just too nervous. At the beginning, I wasn't even comfortable showing my face, so I used to wear a mask all the time.

I don't know, sometimes university life feels harder than I expected.

For those who've been through something similar, how did you deal with it? How did you become more confident and make friends?

Im 22m. My whole life ive thought i enjoyed and preferred being alone just doing my own thing. Always thought social things were draining. I never attempted to get a gf or sex until 3 months ago because of this. I also didn't think any girl would like me but this isnt about that.

But recently i started to try and get a gf and I met this girl. Idk what's going on but all I wanna do is see her and text her. Last night for example I got home from work at 8pm and we texted nonstop till around 2am. And im gonna see her twice this week.

This got me thinking maybe I dont prefer being alone I just never found someone I truly wanna be around. Maybe others in here would have the same happen to them.if the found someone like I did 🤔

They said that i always ignore situations that are uncomfortable for me, and i didnt know what to answer at that moment, and ive hurt them by ignoring

i thought if i told the truth they'd start hating me but i think i made it worse

im already done with the sorry message but im extremly scared to send it, and besides i'm meeting with that person irl tomorrow and that fact is literally boiling me from inside

I’m 27 and I love spending every weekend at home. I’m always getting judged & it’s starting to irritate me. does anyone else stay home?