im in the journey of healing and although i've been in good environments, i still cant stop self blame myself for not being the ideal self i want to be. i have improved in terms of reacting to exposures of triggers and skill-wise in my field, but i still blame myself automatically. what do u do?

i have figured out that i can listen to megan thee stallion(since i saw mel king sang Savage for relief method) and it kinda lifts my mood but i need stronger method. thank u

If you don't feel pain and suffering after it is over, then it was just recreation. So take heart.

I see something cat related frequently here.

I’m sorry for this heaviness but I literally have no one else to talk to, any comfort would be great. For the longest time I’ve been a sahm of 2 kids for most of the 10 years while he works. But lately he doesn’t be straightforward about the finances so I assume everything was good. Yesterday the car went out of gas and he had to ask a family member for gas. I knew his energy was off but I’m ask him if he’s okay he said he’s fine. Then later he dropped news to me that he’s tired of doing it alone (we had an agreement of me finishing my it degree in dec to start working) and then he continues on saying he was raised around hard working women. Those women had a village, their mom (his grandma) and also extroverted. I was just blind sided with this, why expressed this when you’re angry? So he’s been cold to all day. He packed up and left with his mom. And I’m trying to save my marriage but he’s giving me blank emotional-less response. I have no village no friends and I’m deeply afraid to what’s the come. I can’t just work any job and he knows that. So I’m guessing was it all fake. I’m just trying to get over him since he obviously don’t want it to work. I don’t know long he was holding the resentment in. I don’t feel like this one a moment but instead a compound of stuff he was holding idk and I don’t have time to figure it out. He was my only oribit and I feel like I failed 😭😭 I was cursed with a toxic narcissistic family and I don’t have any friends. I’m trying to give up because I have two kids depending on my my god I’m afraid 😭😭😭

I’m an INTP, and the person in question is INFP.

Back story is that he had a crush on me many years ago, it wasn’t the time for either of us, we also didn’t keep in contact for 8 years.
For some strange reason, we recently reconnected, and he was at his rock bottom, his health, his relationship, his life in general was at bad shape.

Now being an INTP I am really good at pulling people out of this mess, he accepted my help. We talked long hours on the phone. I eventually fly to see him (a sweet short 1.5 hour interstate flight). We had great time together, obviously the attraction were all there. But for me, I’d like him to focus on rebuilding himself before we even talk about anything else, such as relationship related topics.

I know he likes me a lot and I know if I put it on the table, the man would probably want to marry me. But again, I don’t really know, because I didn’t put it on the table. Also we live in different state.

Anyway, he had been acting somewhat weird with me recently. I feel like he is trying to connect with me the way I connect with him. For me it is just odd, I don’t do that, I don’t want people to uncover me and go through it with me, and if I needed help, I will reach out.

He was being so weird that he would kind of attack me from something random. I said I was reading stuff on Reddit, he said things like “why are you so keen on filling your mind with garbage”.

I said to him “I like my INTP sub, I feel resonated with a lot of posts there” and he said I’m not an INTP, it doesn’t exist, it’s just an analysis.

Like wtf man? WE WENT THROUGH THE MBTI TOGETHER and he was so amazed, now he turn around and yuk my yum?

Not that I identify myself as such, it’s just why the vibe change? He couldn’t explain why and he keeps changing narratives when I asked him why would he say things like that, it’s so strange.

The conversation ended with me telling him that I feel triggered and I don’t know what I’ve done for him to attack my interest in reading, being curious about certain topics. I mean, just, why? Days ago all he wanted was me and we talked so well, all of the sudden it’s like he is a different person and not even grateful for what I’ve done to help him out of the rut.

Is he being a dick, or sabotaging it because I give him no reason to believe there’s a future for us? I’m kind of upset.

How do y’all make friends? I find it so hard to make friends or more so, retain friendships. I feel the efforts are never reciprocated and they become aloof when I can no longer be of any help to them. It’s heartbreaking when I am reminded how I have no one to talk to because everyone thinks I make a big deal out of things and I just can’t keep the peace.
Does it ever really get better?

I’ll kiss your boo-boo 🥰

Alright, let’s talk about ESFJs from our perspective as INFPs. What even are these little creatures?

In a nutshell? Once an ESFJ told me:

“You know, I’ve always admired introverts who have their own little world. When I was a kid, I wanted to be like that too. I wanted to be a loner, go into the woods by myself and just sit there having deep thoughts and stuff… but after 10 minutes in the woods, I’d go back home because there was nothing to do there.”

And that’s the ESFJ in a nutshell. I feel like, deep down, ESFJs are drawn to us INFPs because they’re fascinated by that sense of mystery, by something in another person that feels so distant yet, at the same time, so close to their hearts.

What I like about them is that, unlike INFJs or ENFJs, their Fe feels incredibly warm to me. I’m drawn to it because, unlike INFJ Fe, it doesn’t feel invasive.

The presence of an ESFJ brings me a sense of peace because I don’t feel like they’re trying to enter my world in a way that might not feel right to me. They won’t try to change me internally (though when it comes to everyday life and the more mundane, practical aspects of living, things can be a little different ;) ). Instead, they create an aura of acceptance and a genuine, uncomplicated curiosity about me, without needing to establish a shared experience, without feeling the need to get inside my head, understand what I feel, or figure out who I’m supposed to be.

They’re simply there, existing in the here and now.

I’ve noticed that, as an INFP, this gives me an incredible amount of room to breathe. And honestly, despite their extroverted temperament, I never feel particularly overwhelmed by their presence.

To me, ESFJ Fe is the best Fe in all of MBTI.

And how about your experience with ESFJ?

I have recently realised something that I consider worth sharing.

I am really sensitive to the smallest details, feel deeply about many things and have difficulty letting go of my emotions. Ruminating past events and sometimes obssessing over people is pretty common for me. I do have a separate mental world to which I return every now and then, for relieving the past or envisioning future happenings.

What I realised is that the more I accept myself, not pressurise myself to fit concrete societal norms and expectations and live in my own ways, the more liberated and happy I become. Moreover, expressing my thoughts and emotions through creative exercises such as writing enormously help me. It is only when I bother too much about other's perceptions about me, or suppress my emotions within me, that makes living very burdensome. One day or the other, they would burst out, and trouble me.

So, now, I regularly write. I let me feel my emotions without much guilt. Release them when needed. If I feel like crying, I do cry. If I need to sleep on the grasses on a winter afternoon just to feel more alive, I do that. If there is a storm inside me, I let it happen. I let it break me into peaces-to the extent that there could be nothing more to feel. Then, I slowly open my eyes, take time to heal. I feel the calm after the chaos, like the Earth awkens after a stormy night. There is peace inside me.

As an INFP, I’ve always wanted to be a travel content creator, a home-based illustrator, or a faceless artist like ADO. Hmm, maybe I’ve got too many goals… What about everyone else?

I was always an ugly duckling growing up. I was always horrifically insecure about my lack of romantic experience; just a year or two ago I’d never really dated, I’d kissed a few people on drunken nights out but never anything beyond that. I was 26 and just felt awful about myself. I had a habit of falling hard for people who didn’t feel the same and taking a long time to get over it too. It just felt like nothing worked out for me.

I’m 28 now and in the last couple of years though I’ve noticed a change. I’m more confident and don’t try to impress and people please with everyone anymore. I’ve grown into my looks. I made quite a few close friends, a few of them women, and it kind of made me realise it’s silly to be so nervous around women when they’re just like anyone else. In the last year or so I’ve noticed some girls will be pretty explicit in wanting to have sex with me or thinking I’m attractive. During this time though I had an absolutely massive thing for one of my best friends and couldn’t bring myself to really move on to anyone else.

A few months ago I started seeing someone and she was amazing. It was never gonna work out long term as she’s moving country, and we agreed we’d just enjoy it while she’s here, but we had an amazing few months seeing each other. Eventually with the move looming she admitted that she didn’t want to keep things going if it wasn’t gonna become more serious, as she developed more serious feelings towards the end, and I was clear from the start that I didn’t want to do long distance when the move happened, so we both decided to end things, but we are still on great terms. I’d only had sex once before I met her and being with her regularly like that cleared up so many of my insecurities and fears around sex and intimacy, I’d take her out quite often and we’d just relax together and so much of the ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’ feeling around dating and my wider insecurities have been resolved. I am so thankful I met her, she’s the best.

But one thing was always on my mind, and it was my best friend. I have never laughed how I’ve laughed with her, we both told each other before that we were the most important people in each other’s lives and that our lives changed when we met each other. I meant that; I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. We used to message everyday and when I met this new girl she stopped reaching out. Our social circle had shifted a bit and I was busy with this new dating experience and so I didn’t think much of it at first, but eventually it was clear something was wrong and at a bar with our friends I asked her what was going on, telling her I missed her and it was weird, and she told me she felt confused when I brought this new girl out for the first time; I knew before that she’d went home upset that night but didn’t know why. Over the years all our friends used to tease us about something clearly being there, everyone including her knew how I felt, and while people around us were always kind of bewildered as to why we hadn’t dated, she always maintained adamantly that it was just a friendship. A close mutual friend of ours once told me that when she thinks about what love is supposed to look like she thinks of how me and my best friend are with each other. That night I confronted my friend about being distant she admitted she realises things are more complicated between us both than just simple friendship now and that she took some space because she didn’t want to get in the way of what I had with this new girl.

So I tried and tried to put that to the back of my mind since she told me, but I couldn’t. I do think part of me might have given more into things with this new relationship if that conversation didn’t happen, but maybe not. If I’m being completely honest I was never totally over her, even if seeing this new girl was amazing at the time. In the past couple of weeks since things ended, and with my best friend still quite distant I flung myself back into the dating apps. A few different girls want to go on dates with me in the next couple of weeks now. They’re all attractive, most of them have similar interests, they’re funny. All the same with this girl I was seeing before. On paper she was perfect for me. But I’ve realised now that even though I’d have dreamed of being in this situation before, dating around and enjoying myself, I just can’t get over my best friend. And I think it would be unfair on others to keep dating in this situation. I don’t want to hurt anyone and string anyone along when I’m pining after someone else. I think with this girl I’d been seeing she did get her hopes up for more over time and I couldn’t reciprocate, and I felt absolutely fucking awful for that even though there were other valid reasons for it ending and we’re on good terms. I don’t know what to do, whether to keep dating or wait around hoping eventually these feelings fade.

Please and thank you. 💜

Finally one for my collection 🥹

Made under Reinald, the moneyer for Canterbury

I clean up my albums, social media posts, and chat history with friends every once in a while. I'll actually stare at certain things for ages, and even though it breaks me down inside, I just have to delete them without hesitation. When I see those people who were once part of my life but are now gone, I feel inexplicably down. Now I have very few friends on WeChat and my album is completely empty - I feel like a lonely weirdo. Why do I keep crashing? I just can't control my emotions. No, I can't let this happen. I feel like I'm starting to wallow in self-pity again. Next, I'm going to name my emotions and let myself feel them, so I can slowly calm down. After that, I'll get back to doing my own things. I can do this!

Please seriously consider getting evaluated for autism and/or ADHD.

I say this as someone who identified with the HSP description before being recognised by other neurodivergent people who assisted me in understanding my own neurodivergence and helping me to get a diagnosis and assistance.

Some might consider this rude, but is it rude if you recognise a pattern and want people to get help and to know themselves better? I see other self-identified HSPs somewhat frequently in my own life and on here, and I wish it were more socially acceptable to let them know that it’s nothing to be ashamed of and it can help you understand yourself. I used to ask myself what was wrong with me constantly. Now I know that I’m not broken, I just have autism and ADHD, and now I’m able to get help for it.

I’m also an INFP too, but there is an enormous overlap with all of these identifiers, and for many, it could be worth investigating.

P.S. I am NOT saying or suggesting that everyone who is an INFP or HSP is autistic/ADHD. I am just recommending investigating it since I know that this information could changes lives for the right people. This is not intended to be incendiary.

This is also not intended to be medical advice.

Not dislike or strongly dislike but truly hate.

Any mbti that’s not infp can answer just tell me your mbti if you don’t have it displayed already.

Please let me know what you think guys 🌷

ps. should I just change the image and the text and format it a different way?

I have gotten INTP on every test i've taken (16personalities, kiersey, truity)

I'm someone who craves deep and meaningful conversations, as well as complex internal thought.

however i was discussing in r/INTP how i don't know if i'm an INTP since there's an ulterior motive to my seeking of knowledge. I choose to explore areas I resonate with (rather than using top down frameworks to explore concepts). I also use knowledge acquisition to boost my image of myself and my external image, rather than learning purely for the sake of it.

I also am extremely conflict averse, and when I'm blunt accidentally, I always regret it. I tend to not have or opinions on most topics, and if I do have opinions, I rarely share them if they are differing.

So I finally tried mindfulness meditation for the first time, and while I do plan on sticking to it for the long-term future I felt like I significantly struggled focusing on my breathing during the 15 minutes I was doing it. There were just so many distractions at play (even with noise cancelling headphones) that threw me off; the need to readjust how I was sitting, the tiny bit of stuffiness in my nose that threw of my breathing once or twice, and other small roadbumps made it more difficult to focus on my breathing, not to mention my mind's inherent desire to wander at all times, making focusing solely on my breathing a very difficult task. If anything, I felt my heart rate slightly increase whenever I would focus on my breathing.

For the record, this isn't a doom and gloom post about how mindfulness isn't working for me. This is going to be a process that is going to take time. Instead, I'm seeking to learn how much of this is similar to other's experience mindfulness, and what I can do to help improve these challenges as I start to make this a part of my daily routine. Thanks.