I have this group of old friends that are trying to reconnect with me that I was very hurt by in the past. I think they have mixed feelings about me, like I do believe some have genuine concern for me but it’s also a feeling of obligation but my defence mechanisms are just up with them. I try to think about how I would feel talking to them but I imagine the best case would be just friendly and cordial interaction, but no emotional attachment to them. I feel like I just don’t know how to act in front of them. I have CPTSD too and thinking about this has made me lose function in the past few days.. I feel like I don’t know if im overreacting or it’s a genuine boundary i should keep..

Some things happened but they were very close friends to me. Now I just feel grief thinking about them. I was angry but I don’t feel angry anymore. I keep thinking about them and I care for them and I want to summon the good feelings I had for them but I can’t..

Help, my infj 9 core bf always says “making you happy makes me happy”. But for once I want to give him something that is purely him where I am uninvolved. Problem is I don’t know what to give, and he doesn’t really know what he wants or tell me his desires outside of “us”. As a 3, I like to be able to give or perform for him. Something, merely existing is not an option!

I need help figuring out how to “trick” my mind, or get it on board with what I need to do.

I’m an INFJ medical student, and a year from now, I’ll be taking an exam that largely determines my future: which residency specialty I can choose. If I get a good score, I can choose what I want. If I don’t, I’ll have to choose from whatever is left.

Here’s what I’m struggling with:

1. I feel a lot of pressure because of my INFJ learning style. I learn very slowly because I do a lot of research whenever I’m studying something. My brain constantly asks, “Why is it like this? Why is it called that? Why did they choose this rather than something else?” Answering all those questions takes time, so I get through the material very slowly

2. Because I feel slower than my peers, and I’ve read that spaced repetition is the best way to learn, my study sessions are emotionally exhausting too. I’m not just learning new material and trying to understand the big picture first(which my peers don’t seem to need in the same way), I’m also thinking ahead to all the effort it will take to make that information stick. From the very beginning, I can already see how much work is ahead of me, and that exhausts me too

3. I know that being this stressed can make it harder to retain information and make me more likely to procrastinate, which only adds to the pressure.

4. I’ve always been someone who puts the things I want to do first and studying second. I never felt trapped by my previous exams because preparing for them was more like a sprint than a marathon. I could put the things I enjoyed aside for a few weeks, get through the exams, and then go back to prioritizing my interests. It was a temporary sacrifice, and I knew I’d get that freedom back.

Now, I feel like I have to switch that order for an entire year: studying for this exam has to come first, and all my other passions have to come second. But as soon as I tell myself, “Okay, this is how I’m going to do it,” I feel caged. 

So how can I “trick” myself into finding purpose in studying, or make it something I actually want to prioritize? Simply telling myself how important this exam is doesn’t work. That kind of pressure has only ever motivated me when an exam was a few weeks away. With something this far off, it just makes me freeze.

I find medicine really interesting, and I love learning about it, but after spending a while on the same subject(for example antibiotics) my mind starts craving something different, like escaping into a fiction book.

How can I make studying for this exam feel like my safe space, my passion, something I naturally want to keep coming back to and spend most of my time doing? I want that desire to come from within, because the moment it becomes something I have to put above everything else, I feel trapped and start avoiding it.

And I feel like I really do need to spend that much time on it because I learn slowly when I’m trying to understand things deeply and I need to put in more time to make up for my slower pace. That’s why I’m trying to find a way to want to study as much as I feel I need to.

Hello, I'm INTJ (24M) and I've been dating this INFJ (27F).

We have completely filterless communication, we aren't afraid of discussing difficult not personal topics.

We've gone on about 15 dates, some of them were spending an entire day together, including simple peaceful ones like cooking together and just taking walks and talking.

Due to unrelated personal distress and difficulties I've been open about, I flew to Japan alone for a month and a half to disconnect, ground myself and resteady my inner peace I've achieved, while keeping daily communication with her.

We've both found the intensity of our relationship a bit jarring, too good to be true at times, the Ni-Ni loop definitely had some part in that and we both had the inclination that there's a single major unknown that stopping us from committing to a serious long term relationship with the intention of staying together for good unless proven otherwise.

Since flying to Japan I've felt the burden and the pondering lessen and she explicitly said that she thinks the distance and long term connection is the solution for her unresolved unknown,

Some extra context:

Our connection seems to hold true and the trust hasn't been stronger,

We both get incredibly inspired by each other pretty equally, we both find each other incredibly cute especially, intelligent as well as high emotional intelligence, we have inside jokes, our core values match, there's intimate compatibility, we felt absolute peace while cuddling, in terms of a life partner relationship we have the same end goals, we plan our individual futures together to be parallel and compatible while following our own existing dreams.

We both been in toxic relationships, seeked professional help and learned our lessons from those relationships and what to do different and moved on from them.

We currently have a mutual disinterest in seeking another relationship, we seem to be compatible and satisfied together.

I fiercely protect her from giving in to people pleasing tendencies with me, I make sure she doesn't diminish her value,

She gives me what I require from a relationship; equality in expectations, the joy of the present and the grounding in it, as I tend to lose myself in the future often.

Now I would like to ask you, is this the mark of a healthy relationship or are we missing something important or multiple we would need to address and what is your opinion of this physical distance in order to stifle the growing intensity of the honeymoon phase and enjoy our relationship for what it is and not let it burn too intensely?

I'm an INFJ (F) talking to an INTJ (M), and I'm curious if anyone else has experienced this.

We get along really well, and he shares a lot about his interests and daily life. He also initiates conversations (we're only texting) sometimes, so it's not like I'm the only one reaching out.

But I feel like I'm usually the one asking questions and trying to get to know him, while he doesn't seem as curious about me. It's a little confusing because he does seem engaged when we talk.

Have any of you experienced something similar with a male INTJ? Did it turn out to be just his communication style, or was he simply not that interested in getting to know you? 😅

I'd appreciate any input.