r/cfs • • Nov 10 '24

Official Stuff MOD POST: New members read these FAQs before posting! Here’s stuff I wish I’d known when I first got sick/before I was diagnosed:

347 Upvotes

Hi guys! I’m one of the mods here and would like to welcome you to our sub! I know our sub has gotten tons of new members so I just wanted to go over some basics! It’s a long post so feel free to search terms you’re looking for in it. The search feature on the subreddit is also an incredible tool as 90% of questions we get are FAQs. If you see someone post one, point them here instead of answering.

Our users are severely limited in cognitive energy, so we don’t want people in the community to have to spend precious energy answering basic FAQs day in and day out.

MEpedia is also a great resource for anything and everything ME/CFS. As is the Bateman Horne Center website. Bateman Horne has tons of different resources from a crash survival guide to stuff to give your family to help them understand.

Here’s some basics:

Diagnostic criteria:

Institute of Medicine Diagnostic Criteria on the CDC Website

This gets asked a lot, but your symptoms do not have to be constant to qualify. Having each qualifying symptom some of the time is enough to meet the diagnostic criteria. PEM is only present in ME/CFS and sometimes in TBIs (traumatic brain injuries). It is not found in similar illnesses like POTS or in mental illnesses like depression.

ME/CFS (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), ME, and CFS are all used interchangeably as the name of this disease. ME/CFS is most common but different countries use one more than another. Most patients pre-covid preferred to ME primarily or exclusively. Random other past names sometimes used: SEID, atypical poliomyelitis.

How Did I Get Sick?

-The most common triggers are viral infections though it can be triggered by a number of things (not exhaustive): bacterial infections, physical trauma, prolonged stress, viral infections like mono/EBV/glandular fever/COVID-19/any type of influenza or cold, sleep deprivation, mold. It’s often also a combination of these things. No one knows the cause of this disease but many of us can pinpoint our trigger. Prior to Covid, mono was the most common trigger.

-Some people have no idea their trigger or have a gradual onset, both are still ME/CFS if they meet diagnostic criteria. ME is often referred to as a post-viral condition and usually is but it’s not the only way. MEpedia lists the various methods of onset of ME/CFS. One leading theory is that there seems to be both a genetic component of some sort where the switch it flipped by an immune trigger (like an infection).

-Covid-19 infections can trigger ME/CFS. A systematic review found that 51% of Long Covid patients have developed ME/CFS. If you are experiencing Post Exertional Malaise following a Covid-19 infection and suspect you might have developed ME/CFS, please read about pacing and begin implementing it immediately.

Pacing:

-Pacing is the way that we conserve energy to not push past our limit, or “energy envelope.” There is a great guide in the FAQ in the sub wiki. Please use it and read through it before asking questions about pacing!

-Additionally, there’s very specific instructions in the Stanford PEM Avoidance Toolkit.

-Some people find heart rate variability (HRV) monitoring helpful. Others find anaerobic threshold monitoring (ATM) helpful by wearing a HR monitor. Instructions are in the wiki.

-Severity Scale

Symptom Management:

Batenan Horne Center Clonical Care Guide is the gold standard for resources for both you and your doctor.

-Do NOT push through PEM. PEM/PENE/PESE (Post Exertional Malaise/ Post Exertional Neuroimmune Exhaustion/Post Exertional Symptom Exacerbation, all the same thing by different names) is what happens when people with ME/CFS go beyond our energy envelopes. It can range in severity from minor pain and fatigue and flu symptoms to complete paralysis and inability to speak.

-PEM depends on your severity and can be triggered by anythjng including physical, mental, and emotional exertion. It can come from trying a new medicine or supplement, or something like a viral or bacterial infection. It can come from too little sleep or a calorie deficit.

-Physical exertion is easy, exercise is the main culprit but it can be as small as walking from the bedroom to bathroom. Mental exertion would include if your work is mentally taxing, you’re in school, reading a book, watching tv you haven’t seen before, or dealing with administrative stuff. Emotional exertion can be as small as having a short conversation, watching a tv show with stressful situations. It can also be big like grief, a fight with a partner, or emotionally supporting a friend through a tough time.

-Here is an excellent resource from Stanford University and The Solve ME/CFS Initiative. It’s a toolkit for PEM avoidance. It has a workbook style to help you identify your triggers and keep your PEM under control. Also great to show doctors if you need to track symptoms.

-Lingo: “PEM” is an increase in symptoms disproportionate to how much you exerted (physical, mental, emotional). It’s just used singular. “PEMs” is not a thing. A “PEM crash” isn’t the proper way to use it either.

-A prolonged period of PEM is considered a “crash” according to Bateman Horne, but colloquially the terms are interchangeable.

Avoid PEM at absolutely all costs. If you push through PEM, you risk making your condition permanently worse, potentially putting yourself in a very severe and degenerative state. Think bedbound, in the dark, unable to care for yourself, unable to tolerate sound or stimulation. It can happen very quickly or over time if you aren’t careful. It still can happen to careful people, but most stories you hear that became that way are from pushing. This disease is extremely serious and needs to be taken as such, trying to push through when you don’t have the energy is short sighted.

-Bateman Horne ME/CFS Crash Survival Guide

Work/School:

-This disease will likely involve not being able to work or go to school anymore unfortunately for most of us. It’s a devastating loss and needs to be grieved, you aren’t alone.

-If you live in the US, you are entitled to reasonable accommodations under the ADA for work, school (including university housing), medical appointments, and housing. ME/CFS is a serious disability. Use any and every accommodation that would make your life easier. Build rest into your schedule to prevent worsening, don’t try to white knuckle it. Work and School Accommodations

Info for Family/Friends/Loved Ones:

-Watch Unrest with your family/partner/whoever is important to you. It’s a critically acclaimed documentary available on Netflix or on the PBS website for free and it’s one of our best sources of information. Note: the content may be triggering in the film to more severe people with ME.

-Jen Brea who made Unrest also did a TED Talk about POTS and ME.

-Bateman Horne Center Website

-Fact Sheet from ME Action

Long Covid Specific Family and Friends Resources Long Covid is a post-viral condition comprising over 200 unique symptoms that can follow a Covid-19 infection. Long Covid encompasses multiple adverse outcomes, with common new-onset conditions including cardiovascular, thrombotic and cerebrovascular disease, Type 2 Diabetes, ME/CFS, and Dysautonomia, especially Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). You can find a more in depth overview in the article Long Covid: major findings, mechanisms, and recommendations.

Pediatric ME and Long Covid

ME Action has resources for Pediatric Long Covid

Treatments:

-Start out by looking at the diagnostic criteria, as well as have your doctor follow this to at least rule out common and easy to test for stuff US ME/CFS Clinician Coalition Recommendations for ME/CFS Testing and Treatment

-TREATMENT RECOMMENDATIONS

-There are currently no FDA approved treatments for ME, but many drugs are used for symptom management. There is no cure and anyone touting one is likely trying to scam you.

–Absolutely do not under any circumstance do Graded Exercise Therapy (GET) or anything similar to it that promotes increased movement when you’re already fatigued. It’s not effective and it’s extremely dangerous for people with ME. Most people get much worse from it, often permanently. It’s quite actually torture. It’s directly against “do no harm”

-ALL of the “brain rewiring/retraining programs” are all harmful, ineffective, and are peddled by charlatans. Gupta, Lightning Process (sometimes referred to as Lightning Program), ANS brain retraining, Recovery Norway, the Chrysalis Effect, The Switch, and DNRS (dynamic neural retraining systems), Primal Trust, CFS School. They also have cultish parts to them. Do not do them. They’re purposely advertised to vulnerable sick people. At best it does nothing and you’ve lost money, at worst it can be really damaging to your health as these rely on you believing your symptoms are imagined. The gaslighting is traumatic for many people and the increased movement in some programs can cause people to deteriorate. The chronically ill people who review them (especially on youtube) in a positive light are often paid to talk about it and paid to recruit people to prey on vulnerable people without other options for income. Many are MLM/pyramid schemes. We do not allow discussion or endorsements of these on the subreddit.

Physical Therapy/Physio/PT/Rehabilitation

-Physical therapy is NOT a treatment for ME/CFS. If you need it for another reason, there are resources below. It can easily make you worse, and should be approached with extreme caution only with someone who knows what they’re doing with people with ME

-Long Covid Physio has excellent resources for Long Covid patients on managing symptoms, pacing and PEM, dysautonomia, breathing difficulties, taste and smell disruption, physical rehabilitation, and tips for returning to work.

-Physios for ME is a great organization to show to your PT if you need to be in it for something else

Some Important Notes:

-This is not a mental health condition. People with ME/CFS are not any more likely to have had mental health issues before their onset. This a very serious neuroimmune disease akin to late stage, untreated AIDS or untreated and MS. However, in our circumstances it’s very common to develop mental health issues for any chronic disease. Addressing them with a psychologist (therapy just to help you in your journey, NOT a cure) and psychiatrist (medication) can be extremely helpful if you’re experiencing symptoms.

-We have the worst quality of life of any chronic disease

-However, SSRIs and SNRIs don’t do anything for ME/CFS. They can also have bad withdrawals and side effects so always be informed of what you’re taking. ME has a very high suicide rate so it’s important to take care of your mental health proactively and use medication if you need it, but these drugs do not treat ME.

-We currently do not have any FDA approved treatments or cures. Anyone claiming to have a cure currently is lying. However, many medications can make a difference in your overall quality of life and symptoms. Especially treating comorbidities. Check out the Bateman Horne Center website for more info.

-Most of us (95%) cannot and likely will not ever return to levels of pre-ME/CFS health. It’s a big thing to come to terms with but once you do it will make a huge change in your mental health. MEpedia has more data and information on the Prognosis for ME/CFS, sourced from A Systematic Review of ME/CFS Recovery Rates.

-Many patients choose to only see doctors recommended by other ME/CFS patients to avoid wasting time/money on unsupportive doctors.

-ME Action has regional facebook groups, and they tend to have doctor lists about doctors in your area. Chances are though unless you live in CA, Salt Lake City, or NYC, you do not have an actual ME specialist near you. Most you have to fly to for them to prescribe anything, However, long covid has many more clinic options in the US.

-The biggest clinics are: Bateman Horne Center in Salt Lake City; Center for Complex Diseases in Mountain View, CA; Stanford CFS Clinic, Dr, Nancy Klimas in Florida, Dr. Susan Levine in NYC.

-As of 2017, ME/CFS is no longer strictly considered a diagnosis of exclusion. However, you and your doctor really need to do due diligence to make sure you don’t have something more treatable. THINGS TO HAVE YOUR DOCTOR RULE OUT.

Period/Menstrual Cycle Facts:

-Extremely common to have worse symptoms during your period or during PMS

-Some women and others assigned female at birth (AFAB) people find different parts of their cycle they feel their ME symptoms are different or fluctuate significantly. Many are on hormonal birth control to help.

-Endometriosis is often a comorbid condition in ME/CFS and studies show Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) was found more often in patients with ME/CFS.

Travel Tips

-Sunglasses, sleep mask, quality mask to prevent covid, electrolytes, ear plugs and ear defenders.

-ALWAYS get the wheelchair service at the airport even if you think you don’t need it. it’s there for you to use.

Other Random Resources:

CDC stuff to give to your doctor

How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers by Toni Bernhard

NY State ME impact

a research summary from ME Action

ME/CFS Guide for doctors

Scientific Journal Article called “Advances in Understanding the Pathophysiology of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome”

Help applying for Social Security

More evidence to show your doctor “Evidence of widespread metabolite abnormalities in Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome: assessment with whole-brain magnetic resonance spectroscopy

Some more sites to look through are: Open Medicine Foundation, Bateman Horne Center, ME Action, Dysautonomia International, and Solve ME/CFS Initiative. MEpedia is good as well. All great organizations with helpful resources as well.


r/cfs • • 4d ago

Success Wednesday Wins (What cheered you up this week?)

8 Upvotes

Welcome! This weekly post is a place for you to share any wins or moments that made you smile recently - no matter how big or how small.

Did you accomplish something this week? Use some serious willpower to practice pacing? Watch a funny movie? Do something new while staying within your limits? Tell us about it here!

•

(Thanks to u/fuck_fatigue_forever for the catchy title)


r/cfs • • 7h ago

Personal Hygiene This is mortifying to admit to anyone, but I just took my first shower of the year.

211 Upvotes

Of course, I've had ways of "bathing in bed" that I've used to try to maintain my hygiene over the months, but this is the first proper shower that I've taken since early last December.

I'm so tired now hahaha. jfc. my arms are going to fall off. But I really had to do it.

I wish I could say that I'm proud of myself, but I'm mostly just embarrassed and drained.


r/cfs • • 7h ago

You don’t realize how many steps a simple task takes until you’re in PEM

148 Upvotes

I was hungry and thought I'd make something simple: a bagel and cream cheese. This meant I had to:

  1. Walk to the pantry, get bagels, open package, pry bagel halves apart, put bagel in toaster, close up bag, return bag to pantry.
  2. Walk to refrigerator, get cream cheese, bring cream cheese to kitchen table.
  3. Get knife from drawer and plate from cupboard.
  4. Pour glass of water.
  5. Remove bagel from toaster, sit down, spread bagel with cream cheese.
  6. Get cream cheese on fingers. Realize I’m out of napkins. Get up from chair, walk over to counter, grab paper towel.
  7. Eat bagel (finally). 
  8. Carry empty plate to sink, rinse it and put in dishwasher.
  9. Return cream cheese to refrigerator.

  10. Write Reddit post about how hard my life is. 😂😭


r/cfs • • 4h ago

Activism I did a scary thing to raise money for OMF

80 Upvotes

Tl;dr Went in person to church to speak about Open Medicine Foundation. It was hard but ultimately amazing! A big crash is undoubtedly coming but hopefully it will be worth it because folks now know more about ME and also I believe they contributed generously.

My church does a Share the Plate, sharing half of the offering each month with a nonprofit doing work consistent with our mission of love and justice. Last year, I nominated Open Medicine Foundation, and we were selected for October.

I am unable to attend church in person anymore even though I've been a member for 10 years and used to serve as a lay leader. Some Sundays I can't even tolerate the live stream from bed. But I reached out to our social justice coordinator and asked if he would like me to introduce the offering. He said yes, and that today would be a good day because the theme is "It's Hard to be Human," and also our fall festival would be happening after the service, which means goid attendance.

He said I could do a video but I chose to come in person. I wrote words about my illness and why OMF's work is so important. It all felt very manageable, I practiced several times and arranged with my partner to take me in a wheelchair. The staff was also great about making sure I had all I needed, like a stool at the lectern and a place near the front for my wheelchair. In the script for the person introducing me, they added a sentence to remind people not to clap until my headphones were back on.

Things started off great. My body was a little shaky of course but the words were mine and the space is very loving and familiar, so I was speaking confidently. But about halfway through, my nervous system went completely haywire. I started shaking so hard I couldn't speak, couldn't catch my breath, and started crying even though I didn't actually feel emotional. I just kept taking deep breaths and signaled to my partner to come up so I could lean against him.

And I didn't give up. I took all the time I needed without apology, which feels like one more way to embody disability justice work. The whole congregation kept radiating patience and gentleness. It was amazing to look out at all those faces just warmly holding me and my story.

When I finished I reached around to put on my headphones, but looked up to see the entire congregation silently applauding with their hands in the air. I nearly burst into tears for real!

Anyway, it was intense but so worth it. There's still one more Sunday for collecting so we won't know till the end of the month how much was raised but I hope that my being there boosted the contributions.

Our social justice coordinator timed it to land when Open Medicine Foundation does its Triple Giving November. That means that when we sends in our contribution next month it will be triple matched!


r/cfs • • 8h ago

Severe ME/CFS view from my bed

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69 Upvotes

ignore the mess haha... just had to get rid of my desk due to mcas and the wood of it triggering me. which is sad. but also i didnt use it in months. which is even sadder because i'm an artist. but oh well. Here's my bedroom!


r/cfs • • 7h ago

Vent/Rant Feeling disconnected from non disabled people

41 Upvotes

I always feel so awkward when socializing with non disabled people... and it's hard to maintain friendships with disabled people. I feel like because I have such limited energy, I have to be so thoughtful about how I spend it and where I spend it... and I feel so disconnected from healthy people. Like even basic conversations feel like I have to lie. I recently had a colleague ask me my favorite kind of music. I can't listen to any music because it causes me to crash..can't say that, so I lie and say "rock". Then they ask me if I'm traveling anywhere for the summer...I can't travel because it causes me to crash so I lie and say "mexico". I feel like I'm always lying to keep them comfortable. On the flip side, when I try to make something work with a disabled friend, we don't have our spoons align on the same day. Either I'm too sick or they're too sick to hang out...I'm just feeling weirdly lonely. People assume I decline social invitations because I don't like them but the reality is that some days I just don't have the energy to spend on frivolous things like socializing because I need it for more critical things like showering or catching up on laundry. I'm just so bummed out. My life used to be so different before the illness.


r/cfs • • 6h ago

Vent/Rant Why do I have to be severe during this beautiful weather?

26 Upvotes

The weather is gonna be perfect all week…sunny, perfect temperature, and peak foliage. But I became bedbound last month, shortly before the start of autumn. My favorite season. The only season I really give a shit about. I don’t care about summer that much, I don’t like sitting out in the heat if there’s no body of water. And nobody is expected to be outside during winter. But October is the best month with the best weather, and I couldn’t even enjoy it before becoming severe. My illness trajectory is progressive, once I reach a certain baseline I just don’t improve and I only get worse so that means I’ll never be able to enjoy autumn weather again. I have this knowledge that it’s gorgeous outside but I can’t feel the air or see the leaves. And again, I can’t even say “maybe next year” because I’ll probably be very severe next year. This illness is so depressing, I’ll never accept this…


r/cfs • • 10h ago

Before vs after mono ruined me

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52 Upvotes

Dude I was so cool


r/cfs • • 4h ago

Severe ME/CFS Bully me into pacing, please.💀🙏🏻

15 Upvotes

i'm so exhausted but doing too much. I lost so much of my baseline since the beginning of the year. Been on my phone like 10-16hrs a day the past weeks bc i needed a distraction from an ocd spiral i was in. someone pls bully me into slowing the fuck down and pacing. i dont know why i cant fucking do it. Like as if i wasnt doing bd enough (severe ish) no i need to ofc keep going to wven get worse wtf


r/cfs • • 7h ago

COVID-19 Found CBT and Graded Exercise Therapy the UK were pushing until 2021 due to ME being thought to be a mental illness based on a fear of exercise and 'illness beliefs.'

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24 Upvotes

r/cfs • • 6h ago

Alguien para hablar ahora?

17 Upvotes

Hola, desde España, alguien puede hablar.

Me siento al límite.

Las líneas de ayuda no ayudan.

No quiero que me encierren.

Solo quiero hablar con alguien.

Estoy muy sola.

Si necesitas hablar, yo también estoy aquí.

Esto es muy duro.

Está pegando fuerte.


r/cfs • • 8h ago

Mental Health i need some hope. bad mental health day.

22 Upvotes

basically the title. watched a few too many videos of people... not surviving MECFS. Of family members grieving. Then also had an online fight with people complaining bc i have a fundraiser running for a wheelchair accessible car... then my bpd got triggered now i feel hopeless and have a lot of self hate. Uhhhhh. I NEED HOPE or sum?? Please.


r/cfs • • 9h ago

Success Ive been more moderate this week than severe. First time in...gosh I don't even know!

25 Upvotes

Tw: light past dying mention

Ive been trying to do better at pacing and avoiding triggers. A big one is my environment not understanding dynamic illness. If im up, im fine to them. Lots of arguments i couldn't win and stopped engaging in.

With a combination of none of my other conditions being too flared up and pacing well, this week has been more moderate than severe.

In 2022ish, I was severely underweight and honestly flirting with death, very severe. Ive already had the talk with my doctor about potentially never being able to work again, but ive been able to engage in low exertion games with lighting and graphics settings adjusted. Huge "improvement" in ways. Beats laying in bed with my eyes closed. Still probably 60% in bed.

I do feel "tettery," so im taking it a bit easier but ive never seen so many "better" days in a row. I have an appointment tomorrow so I dont think it'll last much longer.

I wish 2022 me could see this for encouragement. This disease is ruthless.

Tl;dr: in 2022ish, i was very severe and not doing well at all. Today, ive had a more moderate week than severe, I think a big part is my other conditions being calm and pacing.


r/cfs • • 5h ago

I’m exhausted today

10 Upvotes

I thought I was doing good with rest and pacing but yesterday and today…. It just feels like my body has given up. How can the medical community fail us like this? I have no energy at all in my body. Even typing this exhausts me. Sorry, just ranting, I guess. I know that I am still so blessed, but this is exhausting and lonely.


r/cfs • • 18h ago

Research News Potentially new treatment going to be researched

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108 Upvotes

Found this on the long covid sub.

Couldn't read if myself as I'm very severe, but thought I'd share it here.

Link: https://www.healthrising.org/blog/2026/09/19/ivo-21-mitochondrial-drug-chronic-fatigue/

Edit: TLDR in the first comment, THX!


r/cfs • • 26m ago

TW: Suicidal Ideation Treatment for one disorder makes ME worse. Losing hope.

• Upvotes

So I recently started spravato after over a decade of failed medication, failed ECT, failed everything for depression and CPTSD that has controlled my mental health. I’ve been hospitalized many times due to it. At this point, my depression is obviously worsened by the impact of my chronic illnesses but also it’s not “normal” to see every thing as a sign you should not be alive or think everyone is better off without you lol. So, my doctor said to give this a shot as kind of a middle ground for chronic pain treatment as well since it’s a form of ketamine.

You are required to stay in the clinic for a few hours to monitor you. You are laying-ish like the chairs don’t lean all the way back but you do get the foot rest. The rooms are “dim” but they can’t completely take out all light with the windows in there and I think it makes the nausea worse. I tried a sleeping mask but it couldn’t save my body from feeling completely drained. I’ve only done a total of three sessions and I had to skip this last one because I was just too sick. So, I think I lost another treatment method to my ME.

Now I’m in a crash and barely able to tolerate light but need to figure out how to handle either another treatment option or how to convince myself in those really dark states to not do something. I seriously don’t know what to do.


r/cfs • • 17h ago

TW: General My CFS assessor (NHS) told me I can’t get worse unless I get a virus, is this true?

64 Upvotes

She said that pushing myself into PEM won’t actually make my CFS condition worse, it will just make the symptoms worse temporarily.

I have always been told on here that activity pushes you into a more severe case of CFS but a professional suggests not.

My partner told me he read an article about a sports celebrity who had covid and glandular fever quite close together which caused her to become bedbound. She was also pushing through the fatigue so I wonder if that’s where the confusion comes.

I have had CFS for over a year now but I was only diagnosed with it several months ago and since then I’ve attempted to pace to avoid PEM but if I’ve needed to do something I have pushed myself and it has wound me up feeling awful. But I don’t think I’ve got especially worse. I will be shielding this winter though (hard with a partner and his teenage son in a small flat but I’ll try).

I am not sure if I’m in rolling PEM right now (and have been for a long time) either. Because I had 2 weeks a month ago I felt great and have since been feeling absolutely not great, but up and down.

I don’t know why there’s such a difference of opinion on what accelerates the condition. What do you guys think? Because at this point I don’t know who to believe.


r/cfs • • 5h ago

Moderate ME/CFS Am I still in PEM or has my baseline lowered?

6 Upvotes

So I’m trying to figure this out. I had a crash that started exactly 8 days ago. For the past 3 days I’ve felt largely “better”, but my threshold for what causes fatigue has been way lower.
Before my crash I was able to play video games for like 4 hours straight. Yesterday I had to take a 2 hour nap after 40 minutes of Overwatch. I’ve been mostly unable to use my laptop because it takes too much energy.
Before my crash I was still able to attend a couple of classes a week. Now I’m not able to leave my house.

I’m totally down to answer any further questions or clarifications anyone might need. I’m just trying to figure out if this is the baseline I’m now working with, or if I’m still in PEM but with much milder symptoms. Tysm in advance to anyone who’s able to help me out!


r/cfs • • 15h ago

Vent/Rant I know I shouldn't feel this way, but seeing someone get taken seriously by doctors when I wasn't has left me feeling defeated

42 Upvotes

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I do.

A friend recently messaged me to ask how long I had been in pain before doctors finally removed my gallbladder. It brought up a lot of feelings that I don't really know what to do with.

I had gallbladder attacks every day for around 12 months. I went to the doctor and the ER multiple times, and every time I was gaslit and told that my pain was psychological and that I should seek counselling. No physical tests were done.

I knew it was gallstones, so I eventually paid for a private ultrasound myself. It confirmed that I had them, but even then, I was told that just because I had gallstones didn't mean they were causing my pain. The feeling of someone hitting me in the back was dismissed as indigestion. I lost over 40 kg that year because of the physical toll it all took on me.

One of the times I had a meltdown in the ER and started yelling at the doctors. I know that wasn't the right way to handle things, but I was in an unbelievable amount of pain and was completely overwhelmed after months of not being listened to. The doctors kept insisting, "It's not your gallbladder."

Of course, all my pain disappeared after surgery. It's been two years, and I haven't had any of that pain since.

To make things even more ridiculous, the doctor went out of his way to point out that he hadn't found any gallstones during the surgery, as if that proved I had been wrong all along. I remember feeling confused because the ultrasound had clearly shown them.

Two months later, I received a text from the hospital saying my gallstones were ready to be picked up. So I went and collected them. I wondered whose gallstones they were, because they were the same size and the same number as the ones on my ultrasound.

My friend had been experiencing attacks for only a week before going to the ER. Within two days, she had her gallbladder removed. We went to the same hospital. The same doctors.

I'm so glad she was able to have surgery, I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what I did. But I can't help thinking about how different things could have been for me if someone had listened sooner. I spent an entire year in pain and lost a significant amount of weight, for what?

If I was dismissed and gaslit over something as straightforward as gallstones, how am I ever supposed to feel confident that a doctor will take me seriously about something that can't be seen? I can't even get my doctor to arrange a sleep study, despite having many signs of sleep apnoea.

I've also had chronic daily migraines since I was 13. I'm 25 now, and I've essentially learned to accept having a migraine as part of my everyday life because I've never had a doctor take them seriously.

I know someone who saw the same doctor after having a migraine every day for two weeks and was sent for an MRI.

Maybe some of this is because I'm a young woman. I don't know. But it really feels like not everyone is equal in the healthcare system.

I'm in New Zealand, so changing doctors isn't as simple as just finding someone new and starting over without my previous medical history following me. This hasn't been an isolated experience with one doctor. It's happened repeatedly with different medical professionals, to the point where I'm just exhausted.

I'm always fighting to prove how unwell I am. Seeing how differently other people can be treated just makes that feeling so much worse.

I wish someone believed me. I feel like so much damage was done just because nobody believed me. I'm just so tired of having to prove that I'm sick.


r/cfs • • 14h ago

TW: Diet, Weight Loss, Food Issues i can’t stop losing weight. i’m so scared

30 Upvotes

yes i am seeing a specialist and i will ask him for help on monday. i finally weighed myself and looked at my naked body in the mirror today after a month of becoming severe and i am horrified. i am more than 10 bmi points underweight and can see my bones everywhere. i broke down on the bathroom floor and sobbed. i am thinner than i was at the peak of my anorexia when i was younger (i am fully recovered, and worked so hard on that.)

i’m trying so fucking hard to eat. it’s so hard. i am nauseous all the time. eating makes me sick. not eating makes me sick. my dr gave me a continuous glucose monitor on friday and we’ll discuss results monday morning, i don’t understand them myself. i’m not diabetic but he wanted to see if he could find any correlation with glucose levels.

i can’t do ensure shakes, as i said i was in anorexia recovery in the past and they feed those to you in rehab like pig slop, i can never drink them again. what do i do? please help me, all food is so gross to me and so hard on my stomach and i’m so thin. i’m scared out of my mind.


r/cfs • • 17h ago

Vent/Rant It’s not life. Then what is it?

39 Upvotes

I know what life is. I played baseball (silver medal in European U-21 Championship), made good money with programming, traveled a lot from early age, dated good looking girls.

Now I get tired from walking 100m to the nearest small store, and need to rest for the whole day to make another trip like that.

It can’t be called “life”, can it? Though biologically I am still alive, I mean, I’m writing this message now, so my eyes, brain and hands are working, at least.

What is it then? Some strange form of existence. I can’t take a grasp of it, like, why do I need it, what is the reason to continue it? I’m not talking suicide, don’t have those thoughts (at least yet). But it’s hard to understand why I’m doing this. Why do anything at all.


r/cfs • • 9h ago

Advice How did you deal with evolving friendship dynamics after diagnosis?

9 Upvotes

I feel like i am drowning in “thoughts and prayers” and “I really want to help you” and “get better soon” but the river of actual help and support has run dry.

I don’t know how things will be moving forward but my friends have been so wholly unsupportive to the point where i have to beg for comfort or for ppl to help me with groceries since I have been mostly stuck at home.

It’s just so shocking from a leftist tight knit friend group who are “all about community and mutual aid”. Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did it evolve over time?


r/cfs • • 23h ago

Vent/Rant I wish movies were more accessible

99 Upvotes

This is such a non issue in the grand scheme of ME related issues,

but I’m so sad that I can’t watch You Can See Everything or Primetime or any of the other good movies coming out lately.

I’ll see them when they come out for streaming but I hate that I have to wait an extra month or longer.

I want to be part of things and talk about movies with my friends and see them when they are relevant!! Not later when all the hype has died down. I really wish there was a special way for housebound disabled people to get special access to new movies.


r/cfs • • 9h ago

Aging and money

8 Upvotes

How do you guys deal with the guilt of not making any money at all and not being able to do anything for your family???

My friends and cousins are making so much money, supporting their families, making them happy. I was so much better than all those people, like everyone knew that I am gonna make it big in life....

Its been 11 years since it all began. At the beginning I was young, so I used to think, dont worry, you will make it, you still have time. I am 30 now and I have literally earned in 9 years, what my friends earned in their first 6 months of jobs...

I have improved a lot in the past 2 years, like the first 9 years, there was no growth, I used to lie down and watch cartoons, listen music and procrastinate all day but the previous two years I had a decent growth, but now with all this growth, now I have enough energy and time to feel guilty about all this stuff....

I try to keep myself busy, but these thoughts dont leave me, I have even tried sitting with these thoughts, but I feel this stuff for atleast twice a day....

Now with some energy, I find tv boring, procrastination disgusting and I am loosing interest in passive and easy sources of happiness but I dont have enough energy yet to pursue active sources of happiness....