Hello everyone! I might be posting a little too much lately 😂

Today I had a follow-up appointment with my psychiatrist, and I was prescribed the lowest dose of risperidone. My regular medication includes quetiapine and lamotrigine.

The reason for adding a new medication is that I've started experiencing some visual phenomena. Just to clarify, I'm currently stable, with no manic or depressive episodes.

This all started about two months ago. The first time, it happened literally as I was waking up. I felt something crawling on my arm, opened my eyes, and saw a huge spider. I jumped out of bed, only to realize there was no spider there, of course.

A few days later, something similar happened. I briefly saw a doll sitting across from my bed as I opened my eyes while waking up. I didn't react that time. I just turned over and went back to sleep.

After that, the main thing started happening. Every day, multiple times a day, I would catch what looked like the shadow of a spider crawling in my peripheral vision. Whenever I looked directly in that direction, there was nothing there.

Over the past few weeks, it has become "less frequent", happening roughly every other day instead. This week, I also experienced sleep paralysis for the first time, and during it, I saw some kind of large shadow around my head.

My psychiatrist mentioned several possible reasons why this could be happening, but obviously, it will take time to figure out the actual cause.

Until now, I've mostly been ignoring it, but after today's conversation, I'm honestly a little freaked out, to say the least. 😅 It's one thing to experience something like this, but hearing it discussed in a medical context somehow makes it feel more real, you know?

I should also mention that I haven't experienced any auditory hallucinations or anything like that. It's just these damn spider shadows.

I'm curious whether anyone else has experienced something similar, especially while being otherwise stable mood-wise. Did you ever figure out what was causing it?

Thanks for reading!

26F. I'm on 400mg lamotrigine and 150mg quetiapine/seroquel daily. I was prescribed a birth control pill a few months ago with the warning that it would reduce the effectiveness of lamotrigine.

I accepted this and gave it a try. I stopped when I began to notice I was indeed regressing and becoming significantly more depressed and anxious. Obviously, this is a dead end.

Are there any birth control pills with minimal bipolar-related side effects that you recommend? Thank you in advance!

I tagged this advice wanted, but nobody here is a doctor, or at least not a doctor that came here to practice. I just want your experiences.

I was so excited my doctor gave me medicine that would help me sleep. I had heard good things about it. He only put me on 25 mg because that’s the therapeutic dose for sleep.

Unfortunately, the first effect I had was RLS, in our house it’s called crazy leg syndrome. My husband had it in his early life because he was born with a hole in his back that almost gave him spina bifida. His legs never stopped moving and twitching.

So I’ve sent the doctor a note through our portal about the effect and asked what else I can take.

Is there anybody out there who had a drug and made them feel this way? What did you go to that did not make you feel this way?

I just wanna give my Dr some options. That’s the kind of client I am.

This is sort of a vent, I just wanna know if anyone else has this problem because I feel like I'm broken for feeling like this lol. When I look at pictures or texts from two, three, five years ago I feel this incredibly intense nostalgia, almost yearning for how life was back then even if I wasn't very happy at the time. I really miss the people I knew back then and don't anymore, who I was and how my life looked and it makes me deeply sad that it's not like that anymore and that I can't go back. It takes me ages to get over losing friends even if we weren't very close or haven't known each other for a long time and I feel like I should just get over it and move on but I can't. Does anyone else feel like this?

So I don’t know if any of yall did this

But I take Lamictal and klonopin everyday for bipolar and anxiety.

I’m sure the klonopin will come up but since it’s prescribed by my doctor and has been for over a year I hope it will be okay?

So I’ve lived a full life of trauma and always thought I had bpd (undiagnosed) I have always been so up and down with moods, can’t hold relationships, ect.
7 months ago, I lost two of the closest people to me very traumatically and I’m definitely grieving and seeing my dr regularly for that and everything. Since the 7th of this month, it feels like I have been experiencing some sort of mixed mood episode, dissociating and snapping through moods quite quickly and becoming eractic, spontaneous and spending heaps of money, the thoughts were racing and i was having impulsive thoughts which were quite scary. I admitted myself to the hospital just for them to tell me I’m grieving but my friends think different,
I am linked with psychologists now and recently seen my dr who basically told me she thinks I may have bi polar and I need to see a psych for a mood stabilizer and diagnosis? A referral was done back to the hospital which flagged me to get seen asap (next week) she’s also prescribed me Zoloft,
It’s day four on 50mg and I feel very euphoric and energetic, the intrusive thoughts have stopped but I’m still racing with thoughts, I’m energetic and quite worried for my mental health tbh.
The 7th of this month was the anniversary of the deaths and I grieved hard but whatever is happening afterwards doesn’t feel like grief.
Would love to know thoughts or anything honestly because I feel like I’m going insane.

I have read into Bi polar 2 and it does sort of resonate with me but I’m unsure what is happening now or what’s been happening for the past two weeks as I feel like hupomania is just happy? And I’ve been all over the shop

Disclaimer so Reddit doesn't yell at me: I know I can't get a diagnosis on here.

I'm in my early 30s. Married with one toddler aged son. I was going to go see a doctor soon because I felt like my depression is coming back. Then, I read something about bipolar II and several things sounded really familiar and now I think maybe I should get evaluated. BTW, my maternal grandmother was bipolar but idk if it was type 1 or 2. Just want to know if, after reading my experiences, this resonates with anyone who IS diagnosed BP2. I just want to know if it's worth bringing up to a psychiatrist or if I will be laughed out of the room.

I'll give you a quick chronology and FYI, I never really thought any of this was "unusual". Just told myself that I'd always just be a loser (that's how I assumed others saw me).

Middle school- depression and suicide attempt. Also worked hard at things too. Was band president, did lots of band competitions, excelled in classes, etc. Adults thought I was wonderful.

High school- similar story. Was involved in academic competitions, got great grades, and adults at church thought I was such a good kid. I felt like an imposter because I was so exhausted ALL the time and felt like I lacked the motivation for anything and was dragging myself through life. Was told by several people I should get my thyroid checked.

College- felt very depressed a lot and would call home all the time. Felt so sad and empty. I alternated between being very social, happy, and also having all the fun college experiences and then having absolutely no energy to even get out of bed or take care of myself or do homework. I think I failed a few classes from not showing up and just sort of mentally checking out. I would go through cycles of this where I felt like that but later on thought I got a revelation of my calling in life being something else, so I would change my major (ended up being like 8 times in 3 years).

Age 23- went on an LDS mission in Oregon. Felt on top of the world for the first few months but then crashed and literally couldn't function and was extremely irritable and depressed. They had to send me home early and I was heartbroken. For probably 7 months after I was sent home I was still in a really deep depression. My mom would take me out on daily walks just so I would get out of bed. I was in a really scary deep dark pit and questioned reality. I remember this was my first time seeing a doctor about getting on meds and I think I tried one or two meds and gave up because I didn't see improvement and hated the side effects.

Age 25- got obsessed with the idea of joining the military. Made it my identity and impulsively joined the Army. This decision shocked a lot of people in my life because it was very out of character for someone like me.

Age 25-28- at the beginning of this period I had a triggering event that led me to abandon my values and went on a promiscuous phase for 3 years and also just made tons of out of character bad decisions (e.g. taking almost an entire bottle of anxiety medication to make myself appear just sick enough to get out of an obligation. By midnight of that day I was wigging out, had a friend take me to the ER, and I lied and said it was a suicide attempt so I wouldn't get in trouble with the army. They made me stay in a psych ward for a week and I even went along with the charade and took the psychotropic drugs they forced on me. Had to spend Thanksgiving and my bday there. Ironically that sent me into a depressive/paranoid state for months after. Felt so ashamed of what I did because I knew I was better than that.

Age 28- met my husband, got married after only 3 months of dating.

Age 29 to 32 (present) - after giving birth, I had severe anxiety and what I assume was probably depression. This was the onset of religious OCD (scrupulosity) and a dark mental state. Things seemed to lighten up a bit later on but the anxiety and scrupulosity come back to haunt me from time to time. Also, since getting married I went back to school to try and finish my degree. Still continued a cycle of changing my major a bunch, burning out, quitting, restarting with a new "life calling" in mind, etc. I also started getting all these hare-brained, grand ideas that I would obsessively research til 3am, spend tons of money buying supplies, come up with an entire business plan, designed business logos, the works. Would announce it to my husband and loved ones as this big new amazing idea and talk about how I think I'd finally found my "thing" - first it was a wedding cake business (I'd never decorated a cake in my life but bought a second fridge, tons of equipment etc), then it was a furniture flipping business (spent so much money on this one and garage was full of half-finished projects), then I convinced my husband to spend $700 on a power tool I was convinced was an investment to make these wall decor things we could sell and make good money to put towards our retirement fund. The power tool sat unused. Then a business idea to sell pecan pralines from my porch. Researched cottage food laws, filled out forms, spent hours testing recipes. Etc. At various times I got obsessed with a couple different children's book illustrators and bought a ton of art supplies, ordered tons of books to teach myself art skills. Burnt out before I even started. Went thru a Mary Engelbreit obsession. Spend oodles of $$ buying a bunch of books on various topics of interest that I was convinced I would have the time and energy to absorb and felt so giddy and energized at the thought of becoming so smart and talented in so many subjects and being able to learn skills to start some type of business down the road "when I had more time, someday". Got the revelation to become a court reporter and enrolled in court reporting school on a whim and spent close to $4K in equipment (I took this money out of my retirement fund). Except 2 days ago I reached my burnout point (this was after only 5 months) and officially withdrew from school. For a few months I was obsessed with the idea of making tons of money by thrifting and reselling so I did that for a while and we had two entire bedrooms FULL of my "inventory". Then I burnt out and quit. Had to get rid of a bunch of stuff and lost some money. I could go on and on.

I forgot to include that: other various alternating phases, such as being extremely healthy, buying cooking stuff to turn a new leaf and then other opposite phases of no energy to cook for weeks and eating pieces of candy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also have times when I am extremely irritable for days/weeks on end and not a pleasant person to be around. Will also have zero motivation. Greasy hair, no interest in doing anything. Being at church bums me out and have often gone into the hallway or car to cry during church. Sad cry, not happy cry. Can't quite put my finger on why. I also alternate between being really interested and motivated to look good and wearing the same thing gor days on end. I remember watching a whole tv show about the Dallas cowboys cheerleaders and for a couple weeks after I was doing my hair and makeup like them and felt on top of the world. Or I'll go through phases where I dress really well and think I'm better than everyone else for doing so (will literally walk through the grocery store in a dress and big curls and think everyone else looks like peasants lol). But then about 80% of the time I'm the opposite. Haven't showered in a day or two, greasy hair, wearing gross old baggy clothes and only leaving on errands VERY reluctantly and counting the minutes til I can be back in bed or lounging on the couch. I also alternate between loving my toddler to pieces and wanting to wring his neck (please don't call CPS on me. I would never act on the anger on him but I say this to demonstrate the utter RAGE I feel ...like it's down to my core and I have to find some inanimate object to shake or hit so I don't let it out on my toddler. During these rage-y feelings I also start grinding my teeth and cussing and feel like a horrible person and I know I have to get this under control before he's old enough to understand. (Context, docs believe he is autistic which has really started to manifest lately.). To be clear, I love my son with all my heart.

Ok thats all. Should be enough info to go on.

I have friends I used to love and trust but ecently they've been acting so weird, even my brother who's my main support person who I live with has been so weird lately, very cagey and cryptic about both his own health and what he thinks of mine. I ask direct questions and they slither around them. several ppl including friends and, once, brother, were saying last month or so 'manic'. (nonsense, I was at no point manic, just a little more expansive and slightly impulsive than usual... symptoms, yes, but not to the extent of mania... discussed with doctor who agreed)

but now these people are starting to say that things I'm describing experiencing are psychotic. not sure ive ever experienced psychosis i think they were ust misunderstanding me. I'm commnicating as normal. but people aren't making sense it's not me it's them what do I do why are they doing this why are they being weird what do I do. I don't know how to explain it and try and make them act normally again. it feels like they're conspiring against me but I don't know why they would. there's no good reason for that but htat's what it feels like. I can't trust these people cause they'll call me crazy they jumpt o such conclusions so quickly?? I don't get it. I'm not psychotic. I'm not experiencing anything related to psychossi at all. I'm taking my meds.

just. :(

They just keep bouncing me between the same medications over and over again.

I’ve been on Zoloft before, why do they keep asking me if I want to be on it again?

We discussed other meds but my dr takes control and said “let’s try the Zoloft again first and up if we need to. If this doesn’t get us to where we want to be, we’ll try something else”

I guess I am terrible at speaking up for myself but when I am telling doctors that it’s nearly impossible for me to take my meds and that I don’t feel any of them worked, why do they insist on trying the same nauseating meds over and over?

Anyone’s else’s experience similar?
I don’t want to do this trial run of a medication again just to have to start something new in a few months. And she basically confirmed that’s what’s going to happen..

I want more control over my life and what goes into my body. I’ve asked about and mentioned other meds that I’ve seen advertised. Nothing comes of it.

Hi, my name is Murky.

It's a nickname so I don't mind sharing it online. I've been diagnosed 'bipolar 2' since I was thirteen.

I've handled it differently throughout my life, I've been medicated, I've self medicated. I've done psychotherapy, got deep into philosophy. Built coping mechanism I hoped would work better than my forefathers.

Still I have those long nights where it doesn't seem hopeful. I do the right thing and fight it, but this impulsive thought keeps hitting me. "There is no hope for people like you"

So I figured maybe I should address the impulsive thought. Reach out, and ask how other people manage?

Is a complete, happy life within range for us?

I know it is, but it helps to hear it, if that makes sense.

I deal with a fear of the meds like many. But perhaps I should open myself to more opinions?

Perhaps it really is possible to live a complete life without them?

Sorry about the ranty post. But id love to hear from others about there lives and experiences.

All the best, much love -Murky

Voir post 😊

Hello friends

I was diagnosed with bipolar II about two years ago.

It was a very difficult decision to make, but I am being admitted to a private psychiatric hospital on Monday.

For those that have been hospitalised before, what should I expect? And what were things that surprised you?

For context this is a private psychiatric hospital in Australia.

I have no idea how long I will be in there for.

I am going to miss my cats dearly.

Hi co-BP2-ers, I'm having a hard time away from home due to my kids' holiday, but I still have to work. I've got plenty to do, I have a peaceful place to work, my parents are with the kids. Yet, I get nothing done. Nothing. I'm here on Reddit all day, I obsess on some side project that appeared two minutes ago (even applying to job accross an ocean).
I have one more day left to work. Only eight hours to make up for weeks of procastination.

Do you often face this situation and if yes, do you have advice (other than put your phone away or close the Reddit tab, I have 45 tabs open)

Hello everyone. I've been medicated for bipolar (as well as GAD and MDD) for coming up on a year now, and I've been through several medications in that time period. Effexor, Lurasidone, Propanolol, Trazodone, Hydroxyzine... My psych has arrived on a combo of Seroquel 50mg + Lamictal 150mg + Zoloft 25mg. It's my basic understanding that the Seroquel is for insomnia, the Lamictal is for mood stabilization, and the Zoloft is for depression.

I do feel much more stable than I did a year ago, and I'm grateful for that. But I'm exhausted all the time. It's noticeably worse when I take the Seroquel, but it's an "as needed" thing, so I don't take it every day. And when I don't take it, I'm still exhausted. That leaves the Lamictal and Zoloft to blame.

I've noticed a pretty steep decline in my energy and overall cognitive ability in the past year or so. I'm a student, and I can barely bring myself to bring go to class for a full week. I'm incredibly forgetful, and I've racked up quite a few missed assignments. I'm pulling through by the grace of kind professors and my own ability to bang out an essay in a handful of hours, but it feels like I'm barely scraping by.

I don't have the energy for anything other than waking up and going to school. I get home, watch TV, and make my way to bed by 7PM. It feels like I'm spectating my own life... I'm just tired of being tired.

I’m on valproate, I was an emergency physician for 15 years i know how valproate works but it’s one thing to be a patient another to be a doctor. I quit medicine coz I burned out bad by 41 (was doing 84 hrs of nights a month with no rest), and an ulcer. The hospital would have killed me anyway……
Post that diagnosed with bipolar II
it’s been 3 months all I do is wake up by 9am basic religious worship, bath, lunch sleep again up at 5pm, i don’t want to leave my room, walk my dog, have dinner and sleep from 10pm to 9am…..
I can’t read, I’m exhausted and sleepy all the time, I’ve zero ideas
And I’m someone who’s practiced 15 years of medicine, written and published two books on Amazon, did podcasts, and now I’ve completely collapsed…..
Can barely move or think…..
And my phone is silent permanently and talking to someone is jarring, and had suicidal ideation (discussed with my therapist)
Does it get even an ounce better? Was diagnosed in July

So my doctor took me off 42 mgs captlyta and put me on the lowest dose of lamotrigine. She told me to take it at night. Idk if it's the fact I stopped caplyta but I sincerely can't sleep. I've tried everything. It's so bad. I'm sincerely tired but can't sleep.

I'll be direct.

I have lived with depression marked mainly by anhedonia, lack of motivation and slowed thinking since i exist. That is my modus operandi. However, after all these years - i'm 26 now - i started paying attention to my mood everyday and i realized that i might be going through cycles. I have always had short periods of enhanced mood, but only now i realized that those apparently follow a pattern. I might be wrong tho.

What i noticed is that i am depressed for aproximately 2 weeks and then i have 3 to 5 days of a high mood. The entering to the high mood period is sudden. One day i'm depressed and then in the following day i already wake up with significantly improved energy levels and that is preceded by a short night of sleep, usually 5 hours. The periods are like this:

Depressive state:

- Non-existent motivation

- Body feels heavy, my movements lack fluidity, like i'm under water

- Slowed thinking, i struggle to articulate sentences, i struggle with word recall

- Terrible executive functions, i struggle to organize the steps of what i want to do properly

- I don't like talking, my speech lacks emotion and it annoys me to have people asking me stuff

- Music and gaming feels empty

I basically don't do anything on this state, everything is pointless, nothing is satisfying, it's just a miserable period where i just wait for the day to end hoping that it will be different tomorrow.

Good period:

- Much more motivated

- My body feels light, movements are fluid and organized

- My cognition is crazingly sharp, i articulate sentences in a very fluid way and my word recall is a lot improved as i use a lot of fancy words on my speech

- Executive functions are improved, not great still tho

- It's easier for me to talk and i might even like it, but small talk is still not something i love. My speech exhales emotion on this state, mainly confidence and enthusiasm

- Music feels divine and i notice details that apparently i couldn't hear when depressed. Gaming feels better and my performance is dramatically improved

- Narcissistic feelings

What do you guys think?

Promised i would give periodic updates because a lot of newer people seem very curious but people who update typically stop updating fast. I think this will be my last update. Basically felt like depression around week 10 fully stopped. Around week 12-13 the last new thing I noticed was my hypos have basically stopped (i rapid cycle or still on the fence am i cyclothymic or bp2) my doc now gave buproion a few days ago to help get my libido up. I was shocked when ny hypo day came (i have a very specific schedule and basically always know when it's coming) it hardly went up even after adding buproion 150, before finding out im bipolar i was diagnosed with depression and given buproion, it seriously made ny hypos wayyy stronger esp first two months. This time im actually kinda disappointed it hardly nudged it now once the day came lol,miss them (although when i had the up days suddenly wanted more aggressive sex and felt manlier?) it's such a giant relief to not have depression although after the up days still about half day of hardly noticeable crash. Will keep updating hopefully more of the anhedonia side can lift now.

hi guys! so i’ve been off my meds due to my finical situation for about 3 weeks now and one thing i am realizing is that smoking feels quite different. I was medicated for about 1.5 years and smoked weed regularly and maybe for the past 6/8months ive always had a wax pen on me that i would use throughout the day. since i haven’t been on my meds i can’t explain it yet but i can feel that being high is not as relaxing or nerve calming than it was while i was medicated. I’ve been smoking much less but even when i do it doesn’t seem to help with my anxiety anymore, since that’s what i would use it for now that i think about it. i don’t know im just spewing now but has anyone experienced the different from smoking medication vs unmediated. it’s something i really didn’t consider much. thx :p

edit.. i was taking lamictal

Just on the lookout for any others with bipolar in Australia. I have good supports where i am after years of trial and error, I'm more just putting a feeler out in the hope of connecting with others nearby. I'm keen to share stories and try to build a stronger network of people with bipolar in Australia.

EDIT: I'm opening this to cuzzies across the ditch too as i noticed my post has been seen by some Kiwis. Keen to have your input too!

I’m only on lamictal and klonopin but my brain never shuts up. Also diagnosed OCD. I have epilepsy as well so a lot of ssris don’t sound worth it to me with all the side effects but I’m genuinely curious if some people have some success stories for me! I have a friend who said Zoloft worked very well for her but she is on antipsychotics and mood stabilizers as well. I’m becoming emotionally tired, I know I probably need something else 🧎🏻‍♀️

i had to switch primary insurances recently and it’s fucked up all my care coordination. i haven’t had therapy in a month, i feel like my meds are keeping me holding on by a thread, im struggling with ssdi right now, and it all just feels too much. a lot of childhood trauma resurfacing which is unrelated to the previous things mentioned. sorry this is all over the place, i just have the urge to stop my meds because i know it will trigger some kind of hypomania and im so so so sick of feeling this depressed and hopeless. also, im not in immediate danger, i just needed to vent. just wanted to make that clear. sorry again for this all being confusing and word saladish. i’m just struggling.

I’d usually take Promethazine to get to sleep but we currently have a shortage rn. So instead I took some zopiclone (which I rarely do but it is there for emergencies) and it’s literally not doing anything at all. I was at least expecting it to make me sleepy, I’m just feeling moderately chilled but sleep is still a big no-no. Been lying here for about 5 hours just staring into space.

Gonna need to call the doc in the morning because it’s been two days and I’m starting to feel like sleep just isn’t happening. Any suggestions are warmly welcome atp it’s 4:30am on day 2 without sleep