Anyone ever do molly and how was your experience/ mental space afterwards? My friend and I are going to an EDM concert in January, and I’ve never done it before but she wants to do it. I wish I was normal brained… kind of concerned with how bipolar people handle it and how it can affect us. Please give any/all advice and insights. Thank you!

I'll be direct.

I have lived with depression marked mainly by anhedonia, lack of motivation and slowed thinking since i exist. That is my modus operandi. However, after all these years - i'm 26 now - i started paying attention to my mood everyday and i realized that i might be going through cycles. I have always had short periods of enhanced mood, but only now i realized that those apparently follow a pattern. I might be wrong tho.

What i noticed is that i am depressed for aproximately 2 weeks and then i have 3 to 5 days of a high mood. The entering to the high mood period is sudden. One day i'm depressed and then in the following day i already wake up with significantly improved energy levels and that is preceded by a short night of sleep, usually 5 hours. The periods are like this:

Depressive state:

- Non-existent motivation

- Body feels heavy, my movements lack fluidity, like i'm under water

- Slowed thinking, i struggle to articulate sentences, i struggle with word recall

- Terrible executive functions, i struggle to organize the steps of what i want to do properly

- I don't like talking, my speech lacks emotion and it annoys me to have people asking me stuff

- Music and gaming feels empty

I basically don't do anything on this state, everything is pointless, nothing is satisfying, it's just a miserable period where i just wait for the day to end hoping that it will be different tomorrow.

Good period:

- Much more motivated

- My body feels light, movements are fluid and organized

- My cognition is crazingly sharp, i articulate sentences in a very fluid way and my word recall is a lot improved as i use a lot of fancy words on my speech

- Executive functions are improved, not great still tho

- It's easier for me to talk and i might even like it, but small talk is still not something i love. My speech exhales emotion on this state, mainly confidence and enthusiasm

- Music feels divine and i notice details that apparently i couldn't hear when depressed. Gaming feels better and my performance is dramatically improved

- Narcissistic feelings

What do you guys think?

Hi,

I (23M) am interested in learning more about your experiences and steps toward diagnosis as I might be on my way to mine.

To cut a long story short, I've had serious mental health issues since I was 15 (never been diagnosed with anything as I've never spoken up about it until I started to have suicidal thoughts last year)

I happened to take the Mood Disorder Questionnaire and was strongly advised to turn to professionals for further evaluations. I've talked about it with my regular doctor, she recommended not to go to a psychiatrist, as it's normal to have your ups and downs and as there is a long waiting period to get an appointment. Then, I thought she was right and felt like a huge fraud, like trying to steal sb's actual suffering to some extent.

Now, after discussing my situation more in details with my therapist, she thought it might be a good idea to get some psychiatrist insight as there is me disorder underlying. Overall, I'm lost. I don't want to feel like a fraud and being considered a fool. On the other hand, I want (and I need) help.
Your experience will help me. Thank you!

hi guys! so i’ve been off my meds due to my finical situation for about 3 weeks now and one thing i am realizing is that smoking feels quite different. I was medicated for about 1.5 years and smoked weed regularly and maybe for the past 6/8months ive always had a wax pen on me that i would use throughout the day. since i haven’t been on my meds i can’t explain it yet but i can feel that being high is not as relaxing or nerve calming than it was while i was medicated. I’ve been smoking much less but even when i do it doesn’t seem to help with my anxiety anymore, since that’s what i would use it for now that i think about it. i don’t know im just spewing now but has anyone experienced the different from smoking medication vs unmediated. it’s something i really didn’t consider much. thx :p

edit.. i was taking lamictal

I have friends I used to love and trust but ecently they've been acting so weird, even my brother who's my main support person who I live with has been so weird lately, very cagey and cryptic about both his own health and what he thinks of mine. I ask direct questions and they slither around them. several ppl including friends and, once, brother, were saying last month or so 'manic'. (nonsense, I was at no point manic, just a little more expansive and slightly impulsive than usual... symptoms, yes, but not to the extent of mania... discussed with doctor who agreed)

but now these people are starting to say that things I'm describing experiencing are psychotic. not sure ive ever experienced psychosis i think they were ust misunderstanding me. I'm commnicating as normal. but people aren't making sense it's not me it's them what do I do why are they doing this why are they being weird what do I do. I don't know how to explain it and try and make them act normally again. it feels like they're conspiring against me but I don't know why they would. there's no good reason for that but htat's what it feels like. I can't trust these people cause they'll call me crazy they jumpt o such conclusions so quickly?? I don't get it. I'm not psychotic. I'm not experiencing anything related to psychossi at all. I'm taking my meds.

just. :(

Hi, my name is Murky.

It's a nickname so I don't mind sharing it online. I've been diagnosed 'bipolar 2' since I was thirteen.

I've handled it differently throughout my life, I've been medicated, I've self medicated. I've done psychotherapy, got deep into philosophy. Built coping mechanism I hoped would work better than my forefathers.

Still I have those long nights where it doesn't seem hopeful. I do the right thing and fight it, but this impulsive thought keeps hitting me. "There is no hope for people like you"

So I figured maybe I should address the impulsive thought. Reach out, and ask how other people manage?

Is a complete, happy life within range for us?

I know it is, but it helps to hear it, if that makes sense.

I deal with a fear of the meds like many. But perhaps I should open myself to more opinions?

Perhaps it really is possible to live a complete life without them?

Sorry about the ranty post. But id love to hear from others about there lives and experiences.

All the best, much love -Murky

Hello friends

I was diagnosed with bipolar II about two years ago.

It was a very difficult decision to make, but I am being admitted to a private psychiatric hospital on Monday.

For those that have been hospitalised before, what should I expect? And what were things that surprised you?

For context this is a private psychiatric hospital in Australia.

I have no idea how long I will be in there for.

I am going to miss my cats dearly.

I’m on valproate, I was an emergency physician for 15 years i know how valproate works but it’s one thing to be a patient another to be a doctor. I quit medicine coz I burned out bad by 41 (was doing 84 hrs of nights a month with no rest), and an ulcer. The hospital would have killed me anyway……
Post that diagnosed with bipolar II
it’s been 3 months all I do is wake up by 9am basic religious worship, bath, lunch sleep again up at 5pm, i don’t want to leave my room, walk my dog, have dinner and sleep from 10pm to 9am…..
I can’t read, I’m exhausted and sleepy all the time, I’ve zero ideas
And I’m someone who’s practiced 15 years of medicine, written and published two books on Amazon, did podcasts, and now I’ve completely collapsed…..
Can barely move or think…..
And my phone is silent permanently and talking to someone is jarring, and had suicidal ideation (discussed with my therapist)
Does it get even an ounce better? Was diagnosed in July

Promised i would give periodic updates because a lot of newer people seem very curious but people who update typically stop updating fast. I think this will be my last update. Basically felt like depression around week 10 fully stopped. Around week 12-13 the last new thing I noticed was my hypos have basically stopped (i rapid cycle or still on the fence am i cyclothymic or bp2) my doc now gave buproion a few days ago to help get my libido up. I was shocked when ny hypo day came (i have a very specific schedule and basically always know when it's coming) it hardly went up even after adding buproion 150, before finding out im bipolar i was diagnosed with depression and given buproion, it seriously made ny hypos wayyy stronger esp first two months. This time im actually kinda disappointed it hardly nudged it now once the day came lol,miss them (although when i had the up days suddenly wanted more aggressive sex and felt manlier?) it's such a giant relief to not have depression although after the up days still about half day of hardly noticeable crash. Will keep updating hopefully more of the anhedonia side can lift now.

Just on the lookout for any others with bipolar in Australia. I have good supports where i am after years of trial and error, I'm more just putting a feeler out in the hope of connecting with others nearby. I'm keen to share stories and try to build a stronger network of people with bipolar in Australia.

EDIT: I'm opening this to cuzzies across the ditch too as i noticed my post has been seen by some Kiwis. Keen to have your input too!

i had to switch primary insurances recently and it’s fucked up all my care coordination. i haven’t had therapy in a month, i feel like my meds are keeping me holding on by a thread, im struggling with ssdi right now, and it all just feels too much. a lot of childhood trauma resurfacing which is unrelated to the previous things mentioned. sorry this is all over the place, i just have the urge to stop my meds because i know it will trigger some kind of hypomania and im so so so sick of feeling this depressed and hopeless. also, im not in immediate danger, i just needed to vent. just wanted to make that clear. sorry again for this all being confusing and word saladish. i’m just struggling.

I havent been able to get a psych and i’ve been out of my meds and I feel fine? i guess? nothing big worth noting has come about but i also have been having the worst memory.
my life for the first time is stable and… i hate it. i feel bored and i feel nothing. i feel like i can’t function when i’m alone and i feel like i need more when my boyfriend is home.
i’ve also been sober and.. i hate it! nothing is enough and i feel like i’ve been in this forever endless loop of trying to find something to make me feel better.

my question is, am i just stable for the first time and it’s uncomfortable? and if i am, do i really have bipolar considering i have been off meds?

How would you answer this on a screening questionnaire for work?

"Do you have any physical or mental health conditions that could affect your ability to perform the mental and physical functions related to the specific privilege you are requesting?"

If you have bipolar 2 but already medicated and stable, should you answer no? I don't want to lie.

One of the side effects I've been experiencing from my medication (lithium and lamotrigine) is apathy.

My psychiatrist says it's undesirable, but honestly, I love it.

Anhedonia and lack of energy are definitely not pleasant, but I find apathy to be a blessing.

I barely feel any emotions these days.

I almost never get irritated, I don't worry, I'm not afraid, I don't feel sad, and I don't miss anyone or anything.

I feel nothing.

And I love it.

This is my new life I guess...

How about you? Do you like feeling nothing?

diagnosed around 2023-2024 and started on abilify 10mg at night and hydroxyzine 100mg prn at night. i tried lamictal but got a rash and my psychiatrist discontinued it. prozac and lexapro didn’t work my depression symptoms so i was started on celexa 20mg then we agreed to get off of it bc i felt okay then ended up admitting myself bc i was suicidal and just recently restarted it. now with that my psychiatrist is worried about me crashing so hard after getting off the celexa and restarting it plus my extreme irritability she recommended a mood stabilizer. i was nervous because she recommended Depakote and Carbamazepine.. then when i expressed my worry with NAFLD and those meds she said lithium could be an option.. i am just wondering for those out there with BP II what is your experience with lithium? i’ve heard so many horror stories about it and witnessed firsthand my grandma become a shell of the woman she once was while she was on it..

My grandmother and aunt.

I had been recently broken up with and wash washing dishes. I heard this sudden and perfectly clear voice saying “How bad do you want him?”
“A lot. More than anything” I thought.
“Well, there’s something we can do for you”
And they bring up a witch spell, and how they’ll get him back for me and they witch laugh and I laugh with them in my brain.

It didn’t work.

I wish it was real.

i really want to know your guys’ experiences, with diagnoses, and day to day life with it. how do you feel daily? how did you feel after being diagnosed? what works for you, and what doesnt?

I’m (27f) SO FN TIRED of being a victim to BP2. I’ve been in treatment since I was 15. I’ve been on more medications than I can count. I’ve been inpatient and attempted so many times.

I’m a mom to two little boys. My older son told me he doesn’t know when I’m nice mommy or mean mommy. I hate myself. Thank god I’m regulated and medicated enough to not be an ACTUAL mean mommy, but that broke my heart for him. I remember feeling like that with my mom.

I’m currently on seroquel (my comfort med), Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Aztarys, and clonapin as needed. I’ve had the same psych for 4 years. I was denied disability again and I can’t keep getting by with nothing so I’ve gave up. I did have a lawyer this time too, but psych wouldn’t give a favorable assessment.

I never know what part of the “cycle” I’m in, but apparently everyone else does. I think my medicine is working, but then a few months go by and I have some manic episode and decide to ruin my life, become addicted to another thing, hyperfixate on one part of my life and ruin the rest. Idk if what I’m saying even makes sense.

I just feel like a burden to myself and my family. I have no friends or real support. Everyone says I’m the most selfish person they know, but I try in every way to be as much as I can for everyone. I’m a fucking leach dude.

Just so tired.

First, I wanted to thank this amazing subreddit. I have been dealing with a lot of uncertainty and loneliness lately, and this sub has never made me feel unwelcome.

I know that imposter syndrome is very common with bipolar. And that has been a major focus of my OCD. My psych actually told me that bipolar is "either you have it or you don't." Which I understood to mean that if I actually had it, it would be obvious.

I have convinced myself that my problems are mild. Even though pretty much every day I will have a crash and lay on the floor. Sometimes crying, sometimes with suicidal ideation (without intent). I have no friends. I've become increasingly irresponsible with school. And I've barely been eating or sleeping. Yet I've convinced myself it's not that bad, or that its actually just my own fault.

I know none of the self-blame is true. But I can't help feeling that way. Not looking for advice, just support ❤️

With the recent diagnosis I’m trying my best to be mindful about my behavior towards my partner, but I’m not sure what is the best way to avoid making conflict without simply taking space. I can recognize that it may be hurtful to request a period of absence in order to ensure I’m not cruel while my emotions are high.

My partner has been incredibly patient and understanding even when I do not deserve it. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have.

So I’m reaching out to the community to gather experiences and skills y’all have applied to have a successful relationship.

To note, I am in individual and couples therapy - but want to hear personal experiences so I can approach my partner with ideas to make a plan :)

I just want to be clear that I am not about to use the phrase "multiple personalities" or "dissociative personality disorder."

I'm talking about a lucid feeling that there are distinct separate versions of "me"

I often find myself asking myself "Are you okay?" And answering "Stop asking me! No! I'm not okay!"

I'll act in a specific way and, in the moment, say to myself "what are you doing? Calm down!"

I've felt this way since I was very young. I feel like there are a few versions of me. A scared or downtrodden me, an objective me, a kind me, an impatient angry me. They flow into each other or separate over time but what's consistent is the me that's angry, frustrated or annoyed with the anxious, sad, scared me.

Is this an experience that chimes with anyone else.

Obviously we're not a fan of saying people are 'crazy' here but it's one of the main things that always made me feel crazy.

I'm Dad. I was having a serious depressive episode yesterday. The added stress of travel and visiting people just seemed overwhelming. So the night before the trip I just decided I couldn't go. It wasn't good for me. If I really have this bipolar thing this is a line I needed to draw, how I needed to care for myself. My wife and kids got on the plane without me. I feel guilty for letting them down. I have mixed feelings about it. I do think though that it was the right choice in terms of my symptoms, I have the space to do nothing, be depressed, talk to no one. I found the movie "The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive" and that is keeping me company

So, I’m on 300.
200 at night, 100 in the morning.
I forgot last night’s dose.

I’ve had the heaviest day. Tearful, not coping and awful brain fog.

Can a missed dose have that quick an effect? Or was it just a bad day?

Currently I take 100 mg of quetiapine every night. I don’t have any side effects, not even increased appetite. On top of that I have ADHD and I take stimulant medication which suppresses my appetite so I can actually endure many hours without eating, but I still try to eat well. I also started gym again. I try to keep my diet low sugar and low fat.

I’m aware that absence of side effects from quetiapine doesn’t necessarily mean there aren’t any metabolic changes which I would only know by doing lab tests, but I’m afraid to do lab tests and see bad results. The last time I did thorough lab tests was 2 years ago and everything was good, but still.

Btw, it’s been a month since I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type 2, and it was during depression phase. But I stabilised now and maybe I can go off meds, it’s not like I had many hypomanic episodes anyway, most of the time it was either depression or euthymia. So maybe I can talk to doctor and stop the medication and if I ever start “getting high” again, then I can resume medication.

I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking it. I just don’t wanna gain weight and get diabetes. I don’t want this type of rigid medicated lifestyle 😭😭😭