I feel so ashamed when i remember how I behaved this spring. I’m not actually suicidal as in like planning to do something but whenever I think about how to change the things my spring episode caused back to normal and all the work it would entail I just want to disappear. I get the feeling that this cycle with continue like an infernal washing machine with me spinning inside like a sad forgotten sock for all eternity

As the title says, i keep buying small crappy stupid shit on Temu. I have all these craft ideas, buy the stuff on Temu, when i get it, i put it in a box, thinking i will do that project next week, a couple month later, didnt make it, sell/throw out the shit and beat myself because i wasted money on stupid shit. Instead of buying a bit pricyer quality stuff i will actually use, thinking i dont deserve nice things, so instead i use my money on shit.

I recently learned hrt can interact with my mood stabilizer making it less effective. I am in a really bad depression currently and my moods have been awful these past months . The physical stuff has been better, but I can't seem to find a good balance.

I have gotten blood drawn, and have an appt with doc next week. I'm wondering if HRT is just not a good thing for my mental health. Really hoping I can recalibrate all of this ... I'm having bad SI and just exhausted..

I go to the psychiatrist. I go to the work therapist. I do my own exercises at home. I take meds and do everything to be "stable", hell I'm even gonna go to a psychologist (booked it some time ago).

Yet, it doesn't seem like I can even talk about this disorder or even myself without my close friends asking me this fucking question.

"Maybe you should see a psychologist?"

Girrrrrllll, I'm just trying to share something with you which in this case is not even currently distressing me, nor am I asking for assistance. Yet they have no issues monologuing about their feelings to me, because they are not mentally disordered.

Just a rant

does anyone else with bipolar experience this? because i genuinely feel like i’m chasing a high.

i’m finally stable on abilify for the first time in my life, and i feel better than i have in so long. but i still miss hypomania. i miss the euphoria, the confidence, the endless energy, the productivity, the feeling that i’m invincible and that everything is exciting and possible. i miss the person i become when i’m manic, even knowing that person isn’t sustainable.

and it’s like i’m addicted to it. i’ll be stable for a while, start romanticizing mania, convince myself i miss it enough to risk everything, stop taking my meds, and eventually end up in an episode. i’ll enjoy the high until things start going wrong, crash afterward, and swear i’ll never put myself through it again. then i’ll get stable, forget how bad the aftermath really was, and start craving it all over again.

i feel like a junkie chasing their next fix, except the thing i’m chasing is an episode of a mental illness. and i KNOW it’s bad for me. i know the consequences. i know how much it can hurt me and the people around me. i’m genuinely scared of the long-term effects of repeatedly going through episodes. i don’t WANT to keep doing this to myself.

but god, i miss it.

i hate admitting that because i feel like i’m supposed to want stability more than anything. and i DO want stability. i want to keep feeling better. i want to take my meds consistently and build a life that isn’t dictated by my moods. but there’s a part of me that misses mania so intensely that sometimes stability doesn’t feel like enough.
i don’t know how to reconcile those two feelings. i don’t know how to stop romanticizing something that has hurt me so many times. i don’t know how to make myself stop wanting something when i remember how good it felt, even if i know how bad it can get.

i’m posting this because i want to know if anyone else understands. does anyone else actively miss hypomania, even when they’re doing better? has anyone else struggled with wanting to go off their meds just to feel it again? how do you cope with that urge? how do you learn to stop chasing the high and start appreciating stability without feeling like you’re losing a part of yourself?

i’m not looking for judgment or lectures about how i should just take my meds. i KNOW. i’m trying. i genuinely want to get better. i’m looking for people who understand this feeling and maybe have some advice on how to live with it.

i just don’t want to feel so alone in this anymore.

tl;dr: i’m finally stable on abilify for the first time in my life, but i genuinely miss mania so much that sometimes i feel like i’m chasing a drug. i have a cycle of missing the high, stopping my meds, having an episode, crashing, and swearing i’ll never do it again, only to start craving it all over again once i’m stable. i KNOW mania is harmful and i genuinely want to get better, but i don’t know how to stop romanticizing it or cope with the urge to go off my meds. does anyone else with bipolar disorder experience this? how do you deal with missing mania and learn to appreciate stability?

Just wondering if you can guess what they are, I’ll post the answer later

(23M) recently the last few months i’ve felt better enough while unemployed to go back to working again. i got on meds over that time and genuinely felt great. work schedule has started and now im spiraling again, feeling super suicidal and it’s ruining everything. it’s only a 5am - 12 pm at a grocery store too. i feel so pathetic. my flare up is ruining my relationships, it’s gonna get me fired bc i keep calling out and i’m in general feeling so hopeless. does anyone else have these problems? does anyone else really struggle w employment like this or am i just lazy?

People around me that i care for have some issues between themselves, I'm trying to help them get over these problems and i fail , i blame myself sometimes and 

That really affects my mood and i don't know how to deal with these thoughts , and what irritates me is that some of what trigger these fights are worthless stuff .

Do I have to tell my therapist if I put my hand under a hot sink on purpose even though there’s no scars a bit of pain and no real damage? I mean I usually cut myself but I didn’t and there’s no real damage so it’s not really self harm, it’s like someone getting a tattoo yk? I was just a bit bored and it makes feel alive, the pain.

Plus we agreed that if I went to support groups on this stuff I could stop seeing her every week and change to every other week. Can’t lie that sounds great. Don’t wanna fuck it up for something so meaningless. Idk about you guys but therapy feels like a hassle so this would be nice.

Anyway not sh, not emotional so not worth sharing. It’s only 1:40am, not nearly too late for a college student. Idk, I don’t think it’s really worth mentioning. But I’m welcome to your guy’s opinion. Don’t know a lot about this stuff so wth, why not ask Reddit? Sry if it’s the wrong flair, there’s not flair for questions.

Have posted before, was an emergency physician for approx 15 years didn’t eat sleep on time, was always busy, no one had time for me and vice versa….
Soooo I’m 41, no partner
Accomplishments
TedX speaker
Featured in 3 magazines one international
Certificates galore
Author of two published books on Amazon
Podcasts (was featured in them)
Was growing increasingly depressed and even borderline suicidal
Documented my suicidal ideation two months before my resignation as my job made me miserable
My hospital won’t give me an off leave alone a days break
Sent me condescending emails how my apartment shift “affected the workflow” this was a sociopath head of a corporate hospital who I threaten to sue as my leaves were consented…and said I’m leaving the hospital for good….
I cannot for the love of me go back to the ER….

Now (Bipolar II Diagnosis) by my psychiatrist
Living on savings
I’m in bed all day since July 2026
Except for say daily worship, bath walking my dog I don’t leave the apartment or bedroom….
I cannot stand meeting another human (same person who counselled families for 15 years)
I can’t read or write as I could
This is EXACTLY how I was when a decade ago had hepatitis (too exhausted) an organic disease but mentally could fight it….and it lasted just two months…
Feel worse
I don’t know whether I’m making this up in my head or lazy or this depressed (also I want to kill myself daily, just my parents are ageing……
On Valproate makes everything bleh…..
Can’t come up with a business idea or a job idea or any idea……
Is this a doomed situation?
And sorry for the TL;DR

there are maybe 3 people in my life who can tell when i’m hypomanic/mixed/depressed, i don’t think my hypomania is noticeable. i can tell in hindsight after the episode is over usually, not always in the moment. i do try to mask when around others.

anyways i was just curious, do you think people can tell when you’re hypomanic, or notice a difference in your moods? what do you think gives it away?

i've been taking rispiridone for months and the hypomania were gone and all i have is depression. what did you guys do to come out off depression?

Hiii i really am not diagnosed with anything because i am always travelling to run away from my reality ig but this time i moved to the netherlands and am getting help here but basically in April i had a hypomaniac or maniac episode, i don’t know which one because it only lasted 5 days but on the last days i experienced hearing my mind saying i wanted to die, the world looked like a tv, eyes were staring at me, at some point i was mad at people and had so much anger, spent money on skincare and became obsessed with it and other stuff.
Thing is after that i went straight to abilify 10mg and never stopped talking it untill they increased to 15mg and i just was done with the side effects so stopped it cold turkey.
I started having withdrawal symptoms of course so this time i went to a psychiatrist who did not take me seriously and gave me 0.5mg rispiridone, 0.5 rivotril cus i couldn’t sleep + proaxen 300mg, that seemed to work and in the meantime i had the brilliant idea to move back to the Netherlands because in my mind only here i could get help
.
I ran out of rivotril and proaxen and instead of maybe get depressed or maniac i just stopped being myself, i experienced the world not being real again, i was not real and did not relate to my own old pictures with friends etc, places i used to go felt unfamiliar, my mind was attacking me with random thoughts, Difficulty thinking and speaking, Unusual perceptions and feeling unsafe. I shaved my hair cus my ponytail extension broke so that meant that for some reason it was time to cut my hair, also cus i wanted to be normal and stop getting compliments from people. It helped me reconnect with a version of me that had short hair as well.

I am wondering why instead of a mood episode i experienced this??

I have everything I need. Fully equipped and loaded. I’m going to save you all, I’ll save everyone you know. Is it easy? No, but that’s life, it ain’t easy. You don’t have much choice when you’re the chosen one. The whole world is a deep matrix we shouldn’t try to solve. Everything works out if you just trust what’s on the inside, that’s what’s in the sky. Living beats dying any day. Sunny weather always makes it better :) If you do wrong you’ll eventually do right. If you go left you’ll eventually turn right. Don’t worry about what one could be, figure out what one can be. Don’t drive into problems, reverse into them from behind! Remember where one went and see it from their side. Remember the way one walked, the way one talked. When in doubt, look around. The ones you see are the realest. Only today matters. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Who cares about yesterday?

I’ve been experiencing a psychotic episode for 10 days now.

I have extreme paranoid delusions. I’m being watched by objects everywhere - my bike, my TV light, floodlights, fire alarms, coffee makers, clocks, stoplights, traffic signs, everything. Something is out to get me.

My therapist and psychiatrist are trying to keep me out of the hospital.

My boyfriend and my cat have been the only safe beings in my life, but my boyfriend told me that his mental load is too much, and he need to take a step back from being my main support. He called a hospital nearby and made sure they had space for me if I stopped going to my mental healthcare appointments.

I don’t trust my mental healthcare professionals. They got to my therapist; there was a cop in the parking lot at my last appointment. I’m still not convinced she didn’t call it there for me. My psychiatrist needed my urine. I feel like she’s sending that information straight to them.

Drinking is the only thing that takes the paranoia away. Even still, I know I’m being watched. The unnamed entity keeping tabs on me is telling the people in my life bad things about me.

I think they got to my roommate. They read my mind today, but they promise it was a fluke. I spent the past two evenings with them and they acted fine, so I’m unsure. I know I need to trust them and my best friend to take the pressure off my boyfriend.

My psychiatrist bumped me to the highest dose of Latuda. I’m not on any other meds.

I have moments of lucidity. I was mostly lucid today, but I can’t go to work. I can’t risk endangering my coworkers if I lose touch with reality. When I’m lucid, I’m exhausted from being afraid.

I haven’t fully broken from reality. I did, a few days ago, but my boyfriend talked me back. I’m so terrified all the time. I want it to stop. I want to get worse. I’m so torn up, I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, all I know is they’re coming after me.

They’re in my walls. They’re in the strangers on the street. They’re everywhere. And yet, I have to try to function.

New Netflix doc about Maria Bamford is incredibly thoughtful and is in my experience a very candid/raw view of living with bipolar.

If you have loved ones who struggle to understand your thought patterns and how your condition affects you in your everyday life I highly recommend they watch it.

As someone pretty recently diagnosed it made me feel really seen, especially since Netflix has quite literally no content about the real uncut bipolar experience- bar Maria Bamford standup and Lady Dynamite.

Hi! I’ve just been diagnosed with bipolar II disorder at 31, along with co-occurring ADHD without hyperactivity, after four depressive episodes that were mistaken for burnout.

Getting this diagnosis has been a huge relief, and therapy really makes me feel like I’m making progress. I see a psychologist every week and a psychiatrist every two weeks.

I started on 10 mg of Abilify, but I experienced a lot of akathisia, so we’re currently switching to lithium.

I’ve always been someone with a thousand projects on the go. I’m very passionate about what I do, and I make a living doing what I love. In general, I have far more “up” phases than “down” phases. My “up” phases are often triggered by a lack of sleep because of work or personal projects.

Since the diagnosis, every time I start a project or want to work on something personal in the evening, I wonder whether I’m entering a hypomanic episode. I think I’ve become obsessive about it, and the same goes for my wife, who is hypervigilant as she learns to navigate my diagnosis.

I was wondering whether any of you also became obsessive about this at first, and how you dealt with it.

Does it work? I feel awful, like really awful, but I'm wondering if I force myself to be around people if I'll stop having these intrusive thoughts and maybe feel better. I may also just be mentally distant and feel awkward, which has happened plenty of times.

When does forced socializing actually help?

I started taking aripirazol 2 weeks ago and I also take 400 lamotrigine (200 evening and 200 morning) and today i took like 80ml of champagne and also used my oil perfume in this area. it itches a bit. but it doesn't really look like lamictal rash. has anyone also taken it with aripirazol?

please please look at my post history and tell me what is going on please nobody is telling me and nothing makes sense please

I have tryed every thing every day. Nothing has helped. I feel as if I have what it takes but the disease pulls me under before I can do anything that actually helps me. It’s like a virus that pulls you under to suffocate before you can actually make progress.

Hi I'm not really informed about the bipolarity,

I know y'all are not doctors either, but a lot of persons on my mother side are bipolar, idk if type 1 or 2, but I was questioning myself,

I was diagnosed with bpd last year, but I feel like it's more than just that.

I'm really depressed sometimes but I also have moments where I "lost control", feeling like I'm capable of everything, self confidence+++, uncontrollably spending money on useless stuff I can't even afford, taking drugs, don't sleep etc and it's not like up and downs I have in a day, I can feel like I'm the baddest b for days then just be depressed for weeks after, even if the "up and downs" of bpd are still present.

I also had some sorts of hallucinations but it's been a while I didn't had them.

Are they compatible diagnosis?

What makes you realise you had to question yourself about the diagnosis?

thank you :)

Hi I don't usually post on Reddit but its 2 am and I've spend the past 1 hours looking into should I start on the meds? Im 26F just got diasgnose with ADHD and Bipolar 2 last month. They apparently did a whole psych evaluation on me from top to bottom.

The ADHD diasgnose I am not surprise about but the Bipolar 2 hit me and I didn't even know what biplar is until a couple weeks ago.

I meet with my med doctor and they suggested starting to treat the bipolar with Lamotrigine. I just need some advice/share experiences from other ppl who been on it and what your experience are?

Is it worth it?

I just have so many other meds and chronic medical condition already (autoimmune disorder, gerd, chornic uti, migraine, etc) that i take alot of meds daily and a bi-weekly injections. Do I really need to be on another meds and bc its a mental meds I am very afraid of sides effects. I just feels like I've been chronically sick physically since 2018 and recently my meds and diasgnoses has complete and finally my health is stable. So being on another new med is very scary for me.

Also I've been dealing w major depression episodes and the hypomanic my whole life so is being on the meds or fixing it worth it? Like I can still function somewhat sometimes. and sure sometimes its a mess but I'm just really scared of taking more meds.

Also I'm originally from asia so mental health wasn't really exist there so I have no support from my family or I havent really been educated on mental health aspect until very recently (I came to the US when I was 18). So if I got something wrong let me know.

Sorry for rambling on but please share your opinions and your stories.

Thanks.