I told my therapist a lot of stuff all she was telling me is she can’t help me. What’s funny is almost every mental health department told me they can’t help me. Now she told me she’ll be closing my BetterHelp. Next thing I know a police officer speaks to me. I wasn’t informed about this I feel absolutely disrespected and betrayed. Things are already falling apart and I need way more assistance.

After 6 years I finally made it, I’m graduating with my B.A. in Psych this December. These past few years have been tough, going through episode after episode, failing classes due to depression, change of meds, hypomania impulsivity, overall due to bipolar. I finally made it.

Something I’ve struggled to understand in many online communities is how suspicious people can be of psychiatric medication while being willing to take recreational drugs that can trigger the very conditions we’re trying to recover from.

I have been diagnosed with BP1 and have experienced intense psychosis myself, which I suspect was at least partly triggered by cannabis and psychedelic mushrooms. It was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

Since then, I’ve tried numerous (cannot count on both hands) antipsychotics and SSRIs. After a long process of trial and error, I’ve found a medication that works and gradually reduced my dose under medical supervision. I’m now taking it every other day, with practically no noticeable negative impact on my quality of life.

I’m not saying psychiatric medication is perfect. Side effects are real, and everyone’s experience is different. But I find it strange that people can fear the potential long-term effects of prescribed medication while overlooking the psychiatric risks of substances they take recreationally.

We seem willing to accept uncertainty when it comes to getting high, but demand absolute certainty when it comes to getting better.

Questioning medication is reasonable. Treating street drugs as harmless while viewing medical treatment as the enemy is not.

I share this not to judge anyone, but to encourage a little introspection. I know how complicated, frightening and personal these experiences can be. We’re all trying to make sense of what happened to us and find a way forward. I wish everyone luck on that journey. 

Hi, I have been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and my habits of not being able to sustain a job and constantly dropping out of college/ changing degrees now makes sense so I’m trying to do everything I can to have the most stable life I can. I’m looking for ideas of jobs I can have, I’m trying to get into video editing because I need independence and working from home and I thought it would be a good idea. If you have a stable job that you were able to sustain over the years, what do you do?
I’m looking for ideas, thank you :)

So throughout my life i have friends for a season.

Ill hang out and enjoy my time with them but as soon as i let slip im bipolar, it leads to difficulty with the friend making mocking comments or treating me like an alien.

I can socialise and have positive experiences but ive been called mental, mad and crazy by the "normal" people.

As time goes by i find myself irritated by people after a while and it causes me to feel angry and want to be "left alone"

I feel like because ive been shamed and bullied i dont want friends anymore.

I do have some lovely internet friends that last but yes, is it bipolar that makes me not "fit" for friendships?

Someone once told me that years and years ago people with bipolar were hermits and avoided socalising too much as people were a trigger.

So today was an interesting day, I had unprotected sex with a stranger I met online(not going to mention which website exactly I met her on). I bought condoms and was planning on using them, then in the moment I was impulsive so I told her “hey I really want to do it without a condom, have you been tested and are you negative.” She said “yes I am, you don’t need to use a condom” and I took her word for it no proof of testing or anything. This woman is trans so no risk of accidental pregnancy but obviously STDs are still a risk so I’m getting tested ASAP. Don’t know why I was so stupid in the moment, really was thinking with the head between my legs and not the one on my shoulders lmao 🤣😭

Hello. For those of you with very long nonproductive and isolating gaps of unemployment and insanity, how do you explain this to others. I’ve had gaps last years and they’ve been hard. Better now. Just looking for guidance on how to talk about my life. It’s been so isolating and hard.

I don’t know what I am anymore. I’ve been bounced around medical professionals constantly being told I need help for different things. I’ve been bipolar 2, BPD, unspecified bipolar with suspected schizophrenia, schizoaffective, schizophrenic. I’m not saying I’m any one of these. I have no clue. But these are labels that have been thrown at me through screenings, psychiatry visits, stints in the psychiatric hospital. This has all happened in a year and has cost me everything. All people tell me is “ try this med and go on disability”. I have been on like 10 different medications that all make me lose sense of who tf I am or make me gain insane amounts of weight. I lost the love of my life and dream jobs over it. I don’t want to be nothing. I just want to have a normal life and not be given up on all the time. I have no friends, I get used by everyone. Every Relationship I have had since has lasted less than 3 weeks. I drink like 5 days a week. I’m scared I won’t be here long enough to find out what it was all along. Or at the very least that I’ll never be anything

Hi, I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year and a half ago but I think i’m still figuring it out. No, I know I’m still figuring out as I haven’t been able to complete a full semester of college yet💀.

I’m trying to be better and have been super vigilant about mood fluctuations, but this has lowk made me super paranoid about always being in some type of episode.

I am wondering if it’s normal to feel really happy and ignore responsibilities for around 2 days after drinking and then crash for the next two and feel miserable and like the world is ending. I’m not sure if this is a true pattern or if I’m gaslighting myself to find an issue with another thing I do. I’m in college, and a sorority so I don’t really want to give up drinking but not failing out is more important lol.

Would appreciate any help!

I keep facing the same challenge, not being able to keep up with work. I experienced psychosis about 4 or 5 years ago for the first time after first getting on anti depressants. I went through a whole thing and ended up quitting my job that I loved and was good at after 8 years there. Since experiencing psychosis and the major mood shifts I had that year, I haven't been the same.

I was never incredibly smart, but I feel so deficient compared to other people and even who I used to be. Its become such an issue with work. Ive have 2 jobs in the last few years and I never seem able to do them well. I'm told how nice and friendly I am but that its not enough. I agree with them, I dont want to suck at my jobs. I dont want to be a drain on people and such a waste of space. I dont know how to change things.

Ive started medication again after a few years of not having insurance. But it doesn't feel like enough. I keep looking for jobs that require less of me, but it still doesn't seem to help. Im making less and less money and relying more on my husband. I feel so guilty for not being capable of more. Im so embarrassed and ashamed.

Now I'm in a situation where I was told I have 2 weeks to prove i can get everything done or I'll be let go. The stress and the pressure is so much that I know I cant. I'm the starting the second week and im dreading being there so much. I cant quit without something else lined up. But this feels terrible.

I dont know if I'm looking for advice, it feels too late to change anything. I just dont know how I will get through this week.

I’ve been depressed for over 13 months. I’ve been to in patient treatment twice. I’ve tried 8 different meds. Now I’m on new meds and I’m still struggling spending most of my time in bed. I’ve never had an episode go on this long. I feel like I’m losing touch with all my friends and as things go on I’m getting further and further away from regaining my life. A job, romantic relationships, friends, physically active, and just having peace of mind again. I’m so tired of suffering and being so isolated. I’m in treatment, my treatment team is good, I’m just desperate to get better. I just keep telling myself I need to survive and that’s enough right now.

24M, living in the US, my job is fully remote, I am able to get away with working 12 hours or so per week... yet I can't even compel myself to do it. I'm a software engineer and if I can't even do the easiest job in the world, how am I supposed to be a functioning member of society? I can feel that I'm going to be fired soon. When I am, I don't know what I will do. My parents are estranged since they do not treat me with respect (they threaten to call the police on me when I don't respond to their texts), so I would rather die than go back to live with them. And unemployment wouldn't pay me enough to live.

My whole life is in NYC and my rent goes up every year, so I end each month with -$200 in my bank account. Meanwhile I'm indefinitely waiting to save up enough to afford two fillings I need, which my insurance doesn't cover, which will likely lead me to needing a root canal (very expensive). The world wasn't made for me. If I live off disability, then my girlfriend, who is very ambitious and works at an Ivy League school (I am so proud of her), will probably fall out of love with me and I won't be able to continue living in my home due to pricing. I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. I am struggling to do daily chores, like brushing my teeth, even when I'm not doing any work.

And the CEO of the company I work at just told me he wants to call first thing tomorrow morning, presumably because he's unsatisfied with my performance. I'm freaking out.

Using AI to code at work has completely killed my passion for the CS industry. I honestly think if I just end things quickly and painlessly I might at least find peace, but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend. She's the only thing in my life that makes it feel worth living. She doesn't make nearly enough to take care of me, and with how recently we started dating, that would by no means be something fair to ask of her.

I have no direction. I don't know what to do. I feel completely out of options.

Share your stories of what you are tired about doing. This thing takes a lot and doesn’t leave a lot in the tank. What are you tired of doing or being or whatever.

I do the things I need to. I wake up, take my meds, drive to my super stressful job, drive back with loads of traffic. I feel the life draining from behind my eyes.

I lost it all. Previous awesome job, marriage to the love of my life, my friends, insane amount of money, house, and now I’m in the boring, gut it out phase.

The phase where I now know I’m bipolar and I clock in and clock out. I’m exhausted from keeping it all together, but I have to. I am just tired from existing but this is life.

My ex wife isn’t coming back, I hope I get a job hopefully in my future like the one I had previous. I hope I meet a girl like my ex wife. I hope I can rebuild my finances into what I once had. So far, it’s a lot of hope and all I do is look up the hill and it seems daunting.

I’m reading this book and the title is the best title I’ve heard.

Life is a lazy Susan of shit sandwiches.

And I get it. Every day is a new type of struggle, there aren’t times of just bliss where everything is amazing. Not with this illness.

My psychologist referred me to a psychiatrist because she said she noticed a lot of signs that could point toward bipolar disorder in me.

My grandmother was diagnosed with it, and my dad has some unusual episodes as well, so according to her, everything seems to point in that direction

I came across this subreddit and I feel like I’m reading about my own life.

I’m really scared and overwhelmed. Things I thought were normal for everyone might actually not be, like paranoia or sudden, uncontrollable emotional shifts.

I wanted to ask you two things: Is there any book that helped you understand yourselves better? And what symptom or characteristic did you think was simply part of your personality, but later realized was actually related to the disorder?

.

I am currently hypomanic and I am managing, including taking my prns and following up with my drs. The one thing though that I am really struggling with (and totally forgot I struggle with) is eating. I have zero appetite and am actually repulsed by food. I know its making things worse and I am also healing from surgery so its pretty important I remain somewhat nourished.

I’ve been trying all of the typical things like meal replacement drinks, protein bars, chicken broth etc. Soda and other sweet clear beverages are pretty much the only thing my brain will let me consume.

Just wondering if anyone has anything creative to suggest.

I (38F) gave up custody of my son (10) to his father during a hyper manic episode . I don’t know what I said to my family during that time, but they have not talked to me in six months. I tried to explain to them about my illness, but they take it as a personal fault of my own. I saw my son briefly this weekend and have been a hot mess ever since. I am so sad and miss him so much. His dad has forgiven me for my harsh words but I live everyday with so much regret it’s practically unbearable. I don’t know if I can’t make this situation any better. I royally screwed up. I wish I could forgive myself, but I don’t know how.

Sometimes you like say/do something objectively bizarre or do smth weird not on purpose but bcs you had this condition.. and didn't held back.. Like any other day you wouldn't say it. Next time that person wouldn't talk to you or you ruin any impression they had. Like overstepping boundaries with some person you didn't know too well/ oversharing how fucking depressed you are or some bullshit/ just arguing for the sake of it with parents.. i don't have any real friends anyway so it's not looking good at uni

maybe it's just me at fault actually, I'm pretty annoying at any day of the week

I feel like i care about it too much, but you can't just hide and mask completely on any off days

I am looking forward some insight or advice from others who experience this.

I work full time on the weekends and I have been with this job for two months. So far I have called out 6 times due to mental health.

What I am experiencing is when I wake up for work, I instantly can tell if I am going to be able to handle working that day or not. On the bad days I feel so, so weak like opening the door takes a large amount of physical and mental energy. My thoughts feel jumbled and compressed and like they are melting in my brain. I can’t focus on anything and communicating with people just sends me down a a cry fest that I can’t control. When I do stay home, I’m completely numb and empty, I feel like a weighted blanket and my thought process is so hazy and foggy I can’t do basic chores.

This had been a consistent repetition since my diagnosis and mainly happens when work is involved. In talking with my therapist, we came to the conclusion that work is a major stress factor and trigger for my mental health.

I am looking to see if anyone else experienced this, if I’m possibly triggering a depressive episode or something else. I have tried anxiety meds after my doctor suggested it could be an related but that has done nothing but make me drowsy.

Thank you!

My only dream since I was in nursery was to work with children. I worked at a daycare and needed to fill out an extensive health declaration form and give permission for multiple people to look through all of my medical records and info on my illness from my gp and psychiatrist, and then have one of their therapists chat with me for an hour to ask all about the things in my notes and life. It took ofsted 9 months to get close to completing the form to say I'm fit to work with kids.

The place had to close after the owner got very unwell and I got an incredible offer at a nursery to work there and do an intense apprenticeship course to gain qualifications. The start date was only a week after the interview so I was immediately worried as I knew they'd need lots of checks. In the interview she kept telling me how good I am for the role and the way I interacted with the kids was amazing. She emphasised how important it is to always be happy and in a good mood around the kids which of course I know and always do. I was so excited for the role more than I've ever been for anything but after filling the basic health form they withdrew the offer.

Knowing they'd check my medical records and assuming they'd do the same thing as the daycare, I was as honest as possible and obviously told them about my bipolar disorder and adhd, but also mentioned I smoked cannabis once in 2024, which I was asked about in my previous job from ofsted since I spoke to my gp about it before. In the email to tell me they withdrew the offer it was due to my health declaration form and the mention of cannabis.

I feel like it's just because of my bipolar I was rejected. Everyone was so excited for me to start, even the hiring lady and suddenly I wasn't wanted anymore and they didn't think I could love and care for the children due to it. I'm heartbroken. The daycare I worked at closing was enough to put me in a deep depression as I miss the kids so much and this was the final heartbreak I could take.

I've decided not to try to work with kids anymore. The pain of having to explain all of my trauma and have my records read and analysed I just feel like a monster.
I get why they do it but it makes me hate myself and I can't do it again especially if I'll lose the children again. I wish I never got diagnosed. I don't think I'll ever be truly happy so what's the point in having this diagnosis and these meds.

I don't want to tell my doctor or psychiatrist anything about my bipolar ever again and I'm thinking to just not go back. I need work I have literally nothing. I feel like I can't do this much longer, I have no purpose and I bring nothing to this world or the people around me except for sadness, inconvenience, worry and pain. I'm sick of being a burden and of being seen as a scary monster.

I wish I could press a button and erase my existence so no one would be hurt by loss or guilt.
Im too weak for this life of being a burden to everyone around me. I need to find work but it's hard and I have nothing. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on the 28th but I don't know if I'll go. I just want to be normal I guess. Sorry for long pointless post

I've posted already earlier sorry sorry I just was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to stop thinking something is a Sign for oneself. Or that sort of thing. It's beginning to scare me cause they're also advising me to do things. Not seriously yet at all and I'm super good at ignoring commands bc I've had them for ages, I just don't like it. It's just the kinda vague you should take all those pills or you should drink that, not genuinely serious like compelling me or anything just it's beginning to not be me thinking that stuff again. I've been there before but I wasn't medicated then. It's still very ignorable but the possibility of it getting worse is kind of stressful. I know taking all those pills/drinking that, as in the examples, won't hurt me, I've known that for a while, but I still don't want to do those things adn it's stressing me out. I know I'm just getting anxious over what is practically not much at all, but it's kind of weird how my brain has just ... shifted in the last week or two? The Signs thing, it's not loads of times it's just happened a few times. It's weird how it's become the first thought even though I don't know what they're signs of or anything, they're just... I dunno, the world is filled with things for me to interpret.

Again though I know perfectly well that I'm overreacting and stressing over stuff that is functionally very little, it's just reminding me of times that were horrible. If I hadn't had that in the past I wouldn't eb scared as I am now with the tiny things.

So please help me :) thanks. I can elaborate more in commetns etc. and I've been around the place for a bit sorry. A few times you know. Thanks in advance!

I suffered with misdiagnosed bipolar1 for 25 years, my life was a literal train wreck. My Dad admitted that he didn’t think I would make it to 30 years old.
When I was 39 I was diagnosed, it was a rough couple of years trying to figure out my meds, but we finally figured it out.
I’ve been stable for a decade till a few months ago.
I’ve had one serious manic episode and a hypo manic episodes.
I have had mild depressive episodes until today when I had a full blown “I can’t do life anymore” episode.
My boyfriend thinks I’m being difficult and that having something to eat will fix me. He openly admits he’s mad and frustrated. This is all new to him, we’ve been together 3.5 years. He knew from day one I’m bipolar he just doesn’t understand.
I’m perimenopausal and this is why my meds aren’t working anymore.
I have a psychiatrist, I’ve had 3 appointments in the past 6 weeks and one this Wednesday.
I can’t do this again, I can’t go through the heartbreak of blowing up my life and relationships. My oldest son hasn’t spoken to me in years because of things that happened 15 years ago.
I cannot go through this again. It’s too hard.
I feel like nobody understands that I don’t want to do the things I do, I don’t want to feel or act this way.

Every woman I meet they somehow turn into my therapists which is why I don’t blame them for ditching me for someone else. No excuses but I grew up without love. I was made fun of my whole life and tbh I’m surprise I’m still alive. One time I tried to slit my throat my mom said “how could you do that when Your cousin is still staying at home?” “You would have traumatized him!” Omg here it comes again. Me asking for attention. I’m supposed to be your protector. I’m supposed to be your Superman. I’m supposed to be YOUR THERAPIST. But due to all my issues I can’t help but fall short. Reminds me of my first relationship. Even after she dumped me she told me how much she cares for me, but wants me to start seeing other women. I tried but I can’t get over her. Do I want her back? No not really. But I just wish I could man tf up.

Like a light switch
A little twitch and now I can see
What i didn’t before
As much as I explain
For others to perceive
What’s before me
I know you can’t and I
Feel
Fine
I feel fine
Just kidding
I feel fucking amazing and I know you want this
This feeling
Oops
It’s gone.

I was diagnosed about a year ago. I think my meds are sorted out and I’ve felt pretty stable, until recently. I thought once stable things are solid and good but im beginning to realize that’s not really the case. Over the last few weeks I’ve been off. Anxiety was bad. Felt nauseous for days but also like things were going great? & was on the go a lot but also a bit of guilt and questioning my happiness. I started waking at night but going back to sleep but it’s progressing to minimal sleeping. Now i feel tired and bleh and i keep crying for unknown reasons.

I just feel so off & kind of disappointed that I felt what stability was and now feeling like I lost it.

This might be more of a BPD issue, but alas, I have both. (27F) I just got dumped by a man. Which is fine, relationships don’t always work out. But he blocked me after saying “he can’t control himself and doesn’t want to reach out to me anymore”, and it’s triggered the crazy inner beast. I just really don’t like not being able to change people’s perception of me. I don’t like not being able to defend myself. But I think the biggest core issue is that now he can pretend I never existed, and the only thing keeping me from sending him a hex in the mail or cursing his lineage is that I want him to remember me as the “victim” and I don’t want to become the bad guy by harassing him.