No one has experienced the same thing as you. Generally, people only understand things they have personally experienced. I feel very lonely. I am an introvert and don't have many friends

Hi everyone.

Trigger warning for sexual assault and suicidal ideation. Throwaway account. A little long; sorry.

Last spring, I had a series of what I now know were manic episodes. I was not diagnosed with bipolar at the time, and I didn't understand what was happening to me. I developed a drinking problem as a coping mechanism, and one night, during my mania and an alcoholic blackout, groped a woman on public transportation. I never thought for a second I would be capable of that.

I was promptly arrested and sent to jail. When I was released on bail, I was admitted to the psych ward for SI and diagnosed with bipolar II. I checked into a dual-diagnosis rehab for my alcoholism, and the diagnosis was confirmed. I began taking appropriate medication and was able to control the worst of the swings.

My legal case proceeded, and I was ultimately sentenced to a year in jail as a first-time offender. I was released in August of this year.

Prior to my arrest, I was an attorney in left-leaning circles, and my actions, which were covered in national media, caused many of my friends to abandon me. Most simply don't answer messages from me anymore. My wife is divorcing me.

My actions were horrible, and they're my greatest regret. I tried as best I could to apologize to my victim at sentencing, and am doing everything I can to make a living amends (participating in AA, working with doctors and therapists to address root causes, and just generally doing everything possible to never let this happen again). My victim has a lifetime restraining order against me, which I did not oppose, so I cannot do anything to make direct amends.

I feel isolated and alone, and like things will never get better. I'm medicated, have a roof over my head, and my family supports me. I know that's more than a lot of people have, but it doesn't feel like much. I feel like I'll never recover from this.

I'm attending daily AA meetings and have been sober since the incident, but I often feel isolated and like there's something missing from those rooms that my fellow alcoholics just don't "get" about me.

My question is, what have people done after their massive blow-ups? I feel like my entire life is over and there's nothing left for me.

I appreciate any advice. Please don't comment that I'm a monster and did a horrible thing. I know.

I got diagnosed and started meds around 3 years ago and the change is immense. For me, every time I had a manic episode I would want to change everything about myself and it led to me having a lot of confusion about my gender identity and sexuality. Like one time during probably the worst manic episode I ever had I decided to detransition and live as a woman again. It was the worst 2 months of my life. I obviously ended up going back on T and continuing my transition but wow it was bad. I look back and feel a lot of shame and embarrassment for all those "identity crises" I had while manic. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Maybe the reverse, like thinking you were trans while manic when you're not? I'm very happy in my transition now (5.5 years on T and post op) but i wonder if other people have experienced this type of thing as well.

21 F-Recently got a working diagnosis for bipolar 2 (have had cases of delusion before so not sure if this still counts as 2) and nothing is final yet but looking back I guess it makes sense.
The amount of screaming matches I’ve had with family, ongoing issues with binge drinking and forming more issues with family as a result. Some don’t talk to me to this day. Been thinking about these experiences recently and it just hit me. I really feel like I’ve fucked my life up. I’ve tried to stop binge drink sessions for years but when I’m up or down my morals just don’t seem to matter anymore. Then im left with the grief of my mistake the next day. Not everyone else in my family was perfect but it was something and because of irreparable things I’ve said or done they haven’t seen me the same since. They don’t get it. Likely the ones who still sort of speak to me are just done with my bs.
I just feel so lonely and hopeless because of this and I have no one to blame but myself for how badly I handled situations when I was a teen. When past stuff comes up it makes the situation even worse.

Rant over- Just need to see if it’s just me or the potential bipolar or alcoholism or both and if anyone else feels the same then from me, you aren’t the only one. I hope to god I’m not either.

I (25f) was recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 after a severe hypomanic episode, and now I am horribly depressed. I haven’t felt like this in probably 10 years. Things should be good, I recently got a promotion at work, things are going well in my partners career, it’s my favorite time of year etc but I don’t care about anything.

I have 0 energy at all times and I’m constantly extremely anxious. I spent just about all my money while manic and had to take 2 leaves from work so I am extremely broke. I’m having a bit of a quarter life crisis where everything feels meaningless and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life, but I don’t have the energy or care to change anything.

I feel like I am cursed to have a bad life by this disorder and I don’t want to keep doing this for the rest of my life. Is it possible for me to have a good life and be happy? How do I claw my way out of this and rebuild? I feel so incredibly dissatisfied and pathetic.

(Sorry for the terrible sentence structure, this is a bit of an emotional rant.)

I was diagnosed as a teenager but never was told. Was diagnosed as an adult in 2022. Therapy lots and lots of medications.

I have:

bipolar
Depression
Anxiety
ADHD
PTSD
OCD

So far this year I have had a car accident in March. Out of work for 2 months for injuries.A cancer scare and then surgery in June. Out of work a month for recovery. Broke up with my girlfriend after 10 years in July. Moved out into a room. Lost my dog September

Through all of this I lost my insurance and haven’t been on medication since June. And he sent been to therapy since the first week of July.

I’m completely numb and don’t know how I’m functioning.

I tried to get on my employers insurance. It hasn’t approved. And I can’t enroll back into state insurance.

I don’t feel stable I don’t feel safe. The only person to make me feel safe and seen is no longer in my life.
And has moved on.

I feel myself unravel more everyday.

Any advice or help ?

29M, diagnosed BD2 eight years ago. Currently living in a major US city.

Some of you may have seen my post the other week about a whirlwind short-term relationship that completely drained me. I can safely say I dodged a bullet as she was unstable and probably had unmanaged BPD, but i feel like I'll never find a long term partner.

I have BD2 and go through long bouts of depression which makes it extremely taxing to be around people.

Objectively I dont think im bad looking and im in decent shape, but i feel ugly and infantilized. I want friends and someone to love but I feel so lost. I dont want to wallow in it though. I want to feel better and get myself out of this funk.

What steps can i take to feel better about myself and get back into dating?

I was manic from May till July and spent august and September in fetal position on the couch. I’m finally sitting up and moving again albeit slowly and I’m plagued with ruminating thoughts. I live with my sister currently and feel like a total loser compared to her. She has a successful job, a boyfriend, and friends while I have 3 friends, no job, am on disability, and do nothing with myself all day. I feel doomed by this disorder. Will it ever be possible for me to go back to school and hold a job or am I doomed to spend the rest of my life counting down the hours till bedtime? Is anyone here happy and at peace? Will I always feel like this?

If you completely burned your life down and blew it up to smithereens during a long manic episode, can I ask how exactly you started back on the path rebuilding? I was manic/mixed for a year and lost several jobs, my car, my apartment, and many friends. I am now 36 living with my parents and working 24 hrs a week. I have 10k in credit card debt and I’m not looking at my medical debt. I was immobilized with depression for most of this year but I take medication and am hoping to get therapy even though I have Medicaid now. Every day feels like defeat and I want to know how you rebuilt your life. I had everything I needed at one point, even owned a house, and now I have nothing. I don’t know where to begin.

I'm medicated, but I've had a couple of experiences recently (see previous posts) which could indicate going into an episode. I shouldn't bc I'm medicated, but it is spring, so I dunno. I'm terrified and there's prominently the concept of 'if I do go into another episode I should just off myself so it never happens again' in my brain, which is dumb because I know I can't do that, but there is definitely that fear present.

So how to manage this fear? I know it's only semi-rational, but it's not easy to manage and I feel like I'm regressing fast back to where I was before medication.

We all have pressures to earn money and conform in society which BiPolar makes very difficult. On the back of 4 episodes including 3 hospitalisations in the last 6 years i have come to understand my triggers very well (I think and hope)

1. Playing guitar, writing music and doing anything creative. It’s a shame in a way to give up these things as I enjoyed them but they always lead to me thinking ive written some genius creative work and am destined to be a rockstar or world leader with my (delusional) “abilities” and insights (that are just manic theories not grounded in reality)

2. Strenuous exercise. Walking or light non competitive sport like tennis is fine. But pushing myself on a run or lifting heavy weights or any kind of exhausting body weight exercise is too much. It’s annoying because I basically have to accept being fat (which AP caused)

3. Any kind of positive change, self improvement, health kick, taking any kind of philosophical or opinionated mental position on anything, gratitude, therapy or life coaching. This always less me to a manic episode.

The solution I am finding at the moment is to always, whenever possible, return to a neutral state, one in which I quite literally attempt to avoid going high or low. All I want to do with my free time is relax and do the simplest, least engaging, easiest thing and not engage my (broken) mind in any way.

This is not something I have tried before and it comes with the wisdom of looking back at what caused and happened during previous episodes. I recently came off my AP and am on high dose of MS which I intend to be on for life.

This is a completely new way of thinking for me. No ambition, no forcing, no trying, just tending gently to my mind and thoughts and moods through non action and relinquishing the need for fighting and improving and achieving.

What are your thoughts on this?

I have no idea why my brain does this but it repeatedly happens when I’m stressed, dont get enough sleep, or at a time of high anxiety.

It’s kind of like my brain becomes hypersensitive to sound. Background noise, running water, sounds super loud and it kind of sounds like someone saying “help” like a whisper. I’m sure it’s not schizophrenia because I’m not hearing clear voices talking about me or directing me to do things. I know it’s associated with the sounds I hear because if I hear it while watching a video, I can replay the video and hear the sound again.

It’s like my brain is super wired waiting to hear the sound again.

This comes and goes, but it’s really bothering me today for some reason. I went to an audiologist, an ENT doctor, and told my psychiatrist, but no one seems to know what it is.

Anyone else experience this?

I was diagnosed about a decade ago and had really bad experiences with my first psychiatrist. Even though my current psychiatrist is very kind and so much better, I still dread our appointments. Can anyone else relate? How do you make peace with the lifetime appointments?

Hi
So my psychiatrist recommended CPT as a type of cognitive therapy for PTSD. It stands for cognitive processing therapy.
I was wondering if anyone else has tried it and had some good results.
I’m a bit stuck because it’s quite expensive and my insurance only covers one session but I would be willing to pay the 220 an hour (eeeek) if I felt it would really help.
I’m on leave from work so I don’t have a lot of money to spare and no generous benefactor unfortunately.
Thanks!

Hello. For those of you with very long nonproductive and isolating gaps of unemployment and insanity, how do you explain this to others. I’ve had gaps last years and they’ve been hard. Better now. Just looking for guidance on how to talk about my life. It’s been so isolating and hard.

i’m being watched! This feeling never goes away. I’ve tried a couple of times to tell my friend about it, but it’s no use. shE just giggles at me, even though I’m being completely serious. They’re watching me using construction cranes. IT’s like they’re everywhere! I walk around with my camera covered up. I’m afraid to go near windows. I’m afraid for my family! what if something happens to them? I’m afraid to go outside and it’s also keeping me from doing my job spreading joy and love to people! I’m trying, but it’s HARD!!!! I’m afraid to tell my sister about this, because she might start laughing at me too. But i’m not in the mood to laugh at all! Please give me some advice. I need to share this with someone. why do i deserve this shit??? idk where else to ask for advice if you read this fuck you and stop watching me

Hi, I have been recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and my habits of not being able to sustain a job and constantly dropping out of college/ changing degrees now makes sense so I’m trying to do everything I can to have the most stable life I can. I’m looking for ideas of jobs I can have, I’m trying to get into video editing because I need independence and working from home and I thought it would be a good idea. If you have a stable job that you were able to sustain over the years, what do you do?
I’m looking for ideas, thank you :)

After 6 years I finally made it, I’m graduating with my B.A. in Psych this December. These past few years have been tough, going through episode after episode, failing classes due to depression, change of meds, hypomania impulsivity, overall due to bipolar. I finally made it.

i have this problem and i’m wondering if anyone else does the same? i take all my meds at night—a mixture of antipsychotics, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, etc. i have certain nights where it takes a long time to fall asleep even though the meds are hitting hard. it kinda feels like i’m high. when i’m in this state i often end up purchasing random stuff online while having no memory of it the next day. today i received a giant ass box of mystery/unclaimed packages that i apparently bought earlier this week while heavily medicated. i had no idea i dropped $60😭 does anyone else do this?? how do i prevent it?

I keep having these episodes where I’m so physically tired from the lack of sleep (consistently 4-6 hours tops) that I can sleep and need a nap after work but I’m so mentally energized that I feel like the sleep is unnecessary. I take my meds idk what else I can really do.

I was diagnosed with bipolar II a few years ago. For a long time, I felt pretty grounded in who I was. I had a stable job, lived alone, stayed out of trouble (even though I had a few close calls), and accepted that there were going to be mental barriers I’d have to work around. I wasn’t trying to “beat” them — just live with them.

But over the summer I decided I was wasting time and needed to go back to school for my bachelor’s. I enrolled in two classes, and honestly? I have no idea what I want to do. I’m literally sitting in class right now wishing I could watch paint dry instead. I’m getting Bs, but I’m counting the days until it’s over so I can go back to my routine of work → gym → decompress → repeat.

Then there’s work. Someone I helped get into the field just got promoted. They were hired after me. I told people I wasn’t applying because I didn’t want the extra stress, but between school burnout and work burnout, I feel like I’m watching everyone else move forward while I’m stuck.

Two weeks ago I loved my apartment. Now I hate myself for not being able to buy a house alone.

Two weeks ago I had accepted the weight gain from my meds. Now I’m fighting the urge to starve myself just to get back into the size I wore last fall.

I just wish I cared about something enough to push through this rut. In my 20s I could work 12-hour days without blinking. I loved seeing my savings account grow but now I am getting offers for OT and you might as well ask me to climb Mount Everest in a bikini. I feel stuck, tired, and like I’m falling behind in every area of my life.

If anyone else with bipolar II has gone through this “everything was fine and now suddenly nothing feels fine” phase — how did you get through it?

23M It feels like my brain has never been the same since that 4 month long depressive episode and 2 weeks medication induced hypomania. I don't know how to explain it, but now that I'm on my anti psychotic/mood stabilizer combo, I always feel at a 3/10 if 1 was severe depression and 10 was super manic.

I don't talk as much, my anxiety is less thank God. I also have ADHD. I've recently come out of anhedonia but I just don't feel all the way right. I also didn't start showing signs of bipolar until last year, but it was triggered by my estranged sister trauma dumping on me.

I guess my question is, how long did it take to feel as if your brain has fully recovered? I dont feel numb anymore, just "existing". If you're recently diagnosed and showed symptoms, have you made a recovery yet?

Hey, first post here. My psychiatrist was under the assumption that I was possibly BPD, but apparently I am bipolar. Everything makes WAY more sense to me now, and I'm glad I can finally start understanding myself better. Has anyone else had this type of misdiagnosis? Does anyone have any advice for me?