Just purely hate this life

I don’t deserve any of this. I’m a loser, I lie to myself and say I try so hard but I’m just a lazy bum. I love all things around me and all that I am privileged enough to enjoy, but I genuinely despise the way I am. I dont have friends because I’m genuinely a horrendous person, I can’t get into college, my parents are this weird mix of disappointment and guilt, in which I feel like shit for making them feel guilty for having a kid like me. I have it so good and just can’t stop feeling bad for myself, I suck. I have so much. Im sorry

This may sound weird, but does anybody know how to seperate their bad selves from yourself the same way you would be against a stranger? I don't like this body, I'd like to confront a part of me, his name is **den. I say his name like it's a cuss word. Everytime he does something bad I'm forced to sit there and suffer the consequences of his actions, even if it's no ill intent. What do I do with him?

I’m just so done. I really can’t think of anything that I’ve done right or any sort of positive change that I’ve created. I’m such a horrible waste of space and money, all I do is create drain on everyone close to me. My opinions or what I used to think don’t matter anymore I’m a walking hypocrite, all I am is a bad person and a swamp of weakness and self pity. I think that I don’t deserve any sort of relief or happiness and I remind myself of it. The pain I have caused makes me irredeemable and the joy I used to have in their company and the sense of belonging I had is gone. I am a husk of what I used to be, I starve myself every day I hate eating but I do it anyway. I hate everything about me and what I am is all I will ever be. I am hopelessly alone all I do is live a lie that I’m ok whilst I destroy myself. I’m so weak I’m such a loser. I’m so tired I’m so done with this and with myself.