kiddo turns 4 next week. At preschool she has been making “maps” to runaway with a friend in the middle of the night and go to the ocean to find a treasure. But its a secret when. We talked about secrets and surprises. Now Elsa is the only grown up allowed. Other kid is Elsa obsessed so the story checks out. We have never watched Frozen so this is definitely a preschool/playground thing. My question is: is this normal? I am both amused and find it scary (turned on the front door alarm overnight). I mean she is watched all the time. We know the other kid and her parents. Super nice. We love the school. But really.. isnt 4 a bit too early to plot running away? It’s so elaborate too with maps. Do we need to investigate further?

ETA: you guys are awesome and definitely relieved this paranoid mama and gave me lots of ideas to lean into this fun. I also probably need to watch Elsa 😅

Everyone told us “they forget the binky in a couple days!” “Go cold turkey they’ll be fine just give it a few days!”

Every single day has been worse than the last. We are on day 6 of no pacifier for my 20 month old and it’s to the point now she cries when we walk in her room.

We used to be able to lay her down awake after like 3 books, 10 min of cuddles, say goodnight and leave the room. She’d happily lay there and put herself to sleep. Now? She screams BLOODY MURDER if we try to lay her down. She koalas onto us, screams in her crib, and refuses to calm down.
She has a stuffy she’s used for sleep for almost a year. She couldn’t care less about it. She only wants us now. And I understand bringing comfort to my child. Happy to do so. But she won’t sleep if we are holding her. She just stays awake crying or just tries to play with us instead of settling. So of course the only option is to then lay her down and she acts like it’s the biggest treason of her life and I just. I wish I never gave her a binky now lol I don’t know what to do. All naps are my duty (naps are even worse than bedtime) and bedtime my husband and I alternate.
But the screaming. My poor girl. I let her cry today for like 5 min bc I was so overwhelmed and she just screamed. It sounded like her throat hurt.
And she needs to nap! She’s still so little. She is so tired by nap time.
Idk what to do. I’m just venting and hoping someone can tell me it truly does get better 😭

Title says it all. I feel like my 11 year old smothers me and I try really hard to frame it as one day he won’t do this and I’ll miss it but I’m starting to get worn out by his shenanigans. For example on the weekends I don’t get out of bed until 8am, I’m awake but reading or doing my sudoku or talking to my husband and every day he comes in at least 4-5 times starting at around 6 am wanting to jump in a bed. Cuddling would be fine but he starts moving and talking loudly, even when I point out his dad is asleep.
Throughout the day he comes and finds me to tell me about whatever he is doing but if I’m talking to anyone else he steamrolls right over them/me.
Weekdays when we get home we both have an hour of screens to decompress from the day but he comes and talks about whatever is happening in his game forcing me to pause mine because he wants full eye contact while he rambles.
Every night before bed he hangs on to me talking about let’s just talk 5 more minutes, and by this point I’m TIRED and worn out I just want to go lay down and hear my own thoughts.

I feel like we spend a good amount of quality time with him so I don’t feel like he should be this up my butt. I sit with him every night before bed and we chat for about 15 minutes. Both dad and I play with him for at least 30 minutes each day(more like an hour). One Friday he and I bake and craft and watch a movie and the next he’ll go to pokemon trade night with dad. We all eat dinner together and chat every single night. But he still wants more and more I feel like his jar is just perpetually empty.

I am going to try my best to keep this as concise as possible, however it will be difficult given the amount of context required to properly explain what is going on. To those of you who read this (even if you do not provide feedback) I appreciate it greatly!

*Update to the following story since quite a few people mentioned this. Jordyn has lost all privileges as a result of this behavior. No phone, no TV, no makeup vanity, no needohs, NOTHING. And I don’t simply “allow” her to stay home. What parent would do that? I’ve gone as far as contacting my friend who is a local police officer to have him swing by and inflict a sense of urgency and fear so she knows that going to school isn’t an option. As a parent, I’ve done everything and pulled every card to ensure that she’s as uncomfortable as possible when home. I don’t want her home. She belongs in school. Truancy is a crime and I take it very seriously. I even enforce chores and work sanctions when she’s home. The problem is, Jordyn’s mother caves. And I try explaining to her how imperative it is that we stand our ground. My thought is that since she doesn’t see Jordyn as often, she wants her acceptance and as such gives in despite Jordyn’s poor behavior.

First and foremost, my daughter’s mother and I split our time with our daughter, Jordyn. Jordyn spends roughly 85% of her time with me (including school hours) and the other 15% with her mother. In spring of 2025, I relocated from north Jersey to south Jersey. Given the fact that Jordyn had only a few short months left at the school she was enrolled in at the time, I decided it would be best to let her stay with her mother and finish off her 4th grade studies. Fast forward to autumn of 25’, I enrolled her in a private school near me for 5th grade. Initially, she loved it. However as the year progressed, she became resentful of one of the teachers. She also had issues with the religious elements of the school (being a catholic school) and the dress code requirements. She eventually refused to go altogether. Every day was an uphill battle to get her out of bed and to school. At one point, I had to call for a meeting with the principal and guidance counselor in effort to identify the issues she was having and discuss potential solutions. I personally told her that, given her lack of experience with religion, that I did not expect any sort of miracles grade wise and that I’d be happy with her mere effort. After her continued refusal to attend school and frequent truancy, it was decided between the principal and I that we would end her year abruptly. She essentially had two weeks left at this point in time. All in all, Jordyn missed roughly 30 days of school. Throughout the school year, Jordyn constantly referenced her desire to attend public school instead. She’d say “if you put me in public school, I’ll go every day. I hate private school”. Obviously it was too late at that point, so I had to wait until THIS school year (6th grade) to enroll her in public school. Mind you, she also gave us a hard time about school when she was in public school back in north Jersey (beginning her 3rd grade year). 4th grade I believe she missed 17 days.

One other important thing to mention is this. Jordyn has an older brother (her mother’s son of whom was raised by Jordyn’s grandparents as her mother was 16 when she had him). He went through a difficult stretch during school when he was maybe 9 years old. Apparently he was being bullied. He also, as such, refused to go. But instead of trying to resolve the situation, he was given in to and was homeschooled (which was what he wanted). Jordyn is very aware of this, and she constantly leverages her brother and asks why “he’s homeschooled and I’m not”.

So, a couple months ago, Jordyn began 6th grade at public school. Up until last week, she was doing decent. A couple of absences that were unnecessary, but nothing compared to previous years and nothing that raised any red flags. On Tuesday of this past week, I asked Jordyn to get her homework done. A light switch flipped and she suddenly said “I don’t want to go to school and I’m not doing this anymore”. She refuses to go. She refused to go the entire week. I involved the school (guidance counselors/principal), but ultimately this falls back on me. Jordyn’s mother also relies on me to make most of these decisions. I have used positive reinforcement the entire year when she has done well and sent her little texts saying how “proud I am”
Of her when she attended without giving me a hard time. Jordyn claims that she has too much homework and she despises her language arts teacher. She has said multiple times that she’d go back if I could remove her from her language arts class or switch professors, but she’ll shortly after rescind that request and say “actually, I’m not going back”. She has asked to attend boarding school or requests to be homeschooled.I do not want to involve anyone that I do not have to (trust me, I have though about having a police officer come by to inflict the fear of god and help her realize how serious truancy is). But after further thought, I want to try to avoid creating more stressors for Jordyn and attempt to handle this in a way which we can all “win”. Jordyn is not receptive to positive reinforcement it seems, and she also has developed this attitude of “not caring” and blatant disrespect. I am honestly at a loss here and don’t even know what to do.

If you made it this far in the post, I owe you my gratitude! Has anyone else been through something like this with one of their kids? Alternatively, any professionals in the sub that can provide a bit of guidance? Thanks again for your time!

I have a 5 year old boy. He has been more attached to me since around the time he was 1.5 years old. My wife isn't very touchy or expressive with her emotions, but she loves my son a lot. In fact, she likes to show her love (even to me) by irritating him, teasing him etc. I'm the opposite. I like to hug, give him kisses etc. As he grew up, he turned out to be a little expressive as well. He'd randomly hug his friends etc.

The issue now is, he gets irritated and angry at his mom now. And I tell him she is just having fun with him. But he ends up saying "I don't love you mom" and then comes and hugs me. It breaks my heart to see this, and for some reason, it ends up as my wife being angry at me. It has happened a number of times now and I'm wondering how do I fix it.

On a side note, I saw my father in law being the same with him, and I realized that that's probably the way my wife grew up and picked up the habit from him. Any advises for a happy family life guys?

Edit:

You guys are so awesome 😅 great advises guys. Thanks a ton.

Have to talk to her about this. I'm not very good at confronting, but I feel like I have to. :)

I'd like to add, my wife basically does everything for him. Like his food, school work and stuff. So it's not like she's not caring for him or anything. It's just this one thing, but yes, I need to talk about it to her 😇

My daughter has just turned 4 and since she has been able to articulate her needs our interactions have always gone something along the lines of:

Her: I want [something].

Us: How do you ask nicely for [something]?

Her: Please can I have [something]?

For some reason it's ramped right up in the last couple of weeks when I would expect it to be reducing. When do they just start going straight to asking nicely? It literally cuts the time in half and she receives what she wants sooner. We always make sure we model asking nicely for things in front of her too. Do I need to switch things up a bit? Do I start ignoring all together until she just asks nicely? It's not the biggest deal but depending on everyone's mood it can get quite boring 🫠

These boomer grandparents. With my in-laws they are going overboard with gifts. To me it feels VERY much to be a game of one-upping me. I get a few toy trains at a garage sale-- they get a new set (batteries not included 🙃). I get a second-hand transformer guy-- they get two new ones. I get an articulating action figure as a reward for finishing a hard year of school-- they've bought him a new one... every... week... since. No joke. Even two of the exact same for god knows what reason.

Now my child has literally said he wants to go to their house bc he will get something new.

I've tried to have a llittle family meeting while everyone is in the same room. I've tried the rule that toys have to stay at their house and NO that didn't work. I tried being gentle: "thank you for your generosity with gifts for the kids blah blah blah but please limit it". I've tried to let the husband deal with it. I've tried to drop hints that we don't have room for more toys, that we are really happy and obsessed with one toy right now so *hint hint* don't buy anymore. What gives?

How do you actually set a boundary? They are SO awkward. If I try to sit them down and talk, one will avoid eye contact and tune me out, the other will stare at me with doe eyes like I'm hurting her. I think I'm at the point of needing to be the bad guy, of blowing up over it.

My partner and I moved to my hometown in Canada to take care of my father (he was ill, now passed away) and to have kids. We currently have an 8 month old and are planning on having another. 3 members of close family are within a 10 minute drive and have been so helpful with last minute babysitting, bringing food, and cleaning. Daycare is also WAY cheaper in Canada.

However…my partner hates it here 😅 It’s very cold, career opportunities are limited and he misses being in the US. Our plan is to move to San Francisco when the kids are out of daycare, say 5 years+. While he grew up there and has tons of friends in the area, his family/parents are not in the country very often and not as helpful as mine are.

My question to parents of older kids: how much do you need family help? Is it as essential as the early years, or can you get by without it?

Hi,

I'm seeing a drastic shift in social connections my child has made in this age range compared to when she was 5. Suddenly, any time I take her to a kids play space or park, a new girl approaches to ask to play, and they play nicely for the whole time there.. She's now 8, and both boys and girls approach her to play.

I was wondering if this is the typical age (6-8) where kids approach other kids? This is my only child so I'm quite amazed at these little girls approaching each other to play, and don't want to go home.

I’m going to really try not to sound pretentious here because we know having a full time nanny or part time nanny is a total luxury for this reason, but my husband and I are strongly considering one because losing our “free time” scares us. We also don’t have any family nearby to help us. We want a child for the “right” reasons and expect the child will be the focus, and know its the biggest responsibility of our lives, but we can’t get over the fact that we’ll never have time for ourselves. We scan the reddit threads and most things people write about parenting don’t scare us EXCEPT everyone who says “expect zero time for yourself and your hobbies, they’ll be put on pause for many years”.

We are both very independent people and while I know our free time won’t be the same and I think including our kiddo into our hobbies etc (biking, book stores, coffee shops etc) will be our style, I do want to maintain my own hobbies. I want to read my books, and go to the gym, and wander a bookstore every now and then…. alone or with my husband, weekly. I can’t imagine I’d be a good mother if I didn’t have time to myself sometimes as well as time with my husband. More than just a bi weekly “date night” and an hour of tv after we put our kid to sleep.

My main questions are:
- for those who are two parent households, don’t have a nanny and little familial support, how much free time do you have in a week? And have you maintained your hobbies?
- for those with a part time of full time nanny, how much free time do you have in a week? Have you maintained your hobbies?

My 17 year old officially got her learners permit after graduating segment 1 of her driver's training course. I took her out driving for the first time this morning, once she started getting used to my car, she did ok and I managed to stay calm in spite of the internal panic attack I was having (Only tried to grab the steering wheel 3 times and it was a 38 minute trip 😅). That said, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from the whole thing, completely wiped of all energy. How are you guys coping with the anxiety?

She needs a total of 50 hours of driving and my goal is to try and take her out for at least 30 minutes a day but this feeling is rough 🫠

Hello fellow parents,

I’m in need of some advice for how to handle bedtime demands that end in screaming tantrums for my four year old daughter.

Since 2.5 years old we’ve really struggled with her sleep. Lots of screaming/crying at night and we’re at the point now where we have to stay in her room until she falls asleep and then she will always wake up sometime in the night and we let her come in our bed. Had to do this to survive 😅

Her new thing at the moment is to keep demanding things at bedtime, mainly more water and to be tucked in. This last week it’s really escalated. I try to tell her ‘this is your last drink’ or ‘this is your last tuck in so don’t get up’ etc. but she will scream and cry for what feels like forever if I don’t fulfill her request. I figure she is trying to get control? But it’s so hard to stay calm when your child is just yelling and screaming in your face for you to get her water that in literally 30cm away. Honestly my neighbours just think we’re torturing her. She just does not stop.

I know the usual advice would be ‘just stick with what you’ve said and don’t give in’ however she will scream for 30+ minutes and by then I am destroyed. 😢 would appreciate any advice or tips.

Thank you!!

My LO is 14 months old and I’m feeling extremely overstimulated by motherhood. I lose my temper almost every day, and I feel like I really need a break and some time to be myself again.

The problem is that daycare would cost exactly half of my salary, so I’m wondering whether going back to work would actually be worth it financially and emotionally.

I’m also worried about sleep deprivation. My son sleeps terribly, still wakes up several times a night, and sometimes stays awake for hours in the middle of the night. I’m scared I won’t be able to function at a new job while being so exhausted. I would also have to start a completely new job, as I no longer have my previous one.

For those of you who went back to work while your child was still very young, did you feel better mentally, even though a large part of your salary went towards childcare? Did having a job and some time away from your child make motherhood more manageable, or did the exhaustion of working on top of everything make things harder?

I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially from those whose children were also poor sleepers.

Kid, 7, wants an art station for his room. I'm lost on what type of furniture to get to accomplish this. Googling for art station brings up toddler stuff, which I think he's past. Not an easel because he does a lot of stuff on the table like beads.

Do I get a desk/table that can eventually be used as a study area/computer desk? He also still rough on furniture so I'm debating getting something on the less expensive side with the expectation it will be replaced in 5 years.

Would a preteen/teen even still want furniture they had at 7?

Are there kid sized tables/art spaces that are bigger than toddler sizes?

What does your kid use that they/you like?

I’m about to leave for a work trip for a week. My LO has been sick for the last few days, and has been extra clingy, and it’s giving me huge feelings about leaving her.

While I’m away, she’ll be home with my partner, have some care from her nanny, and some from my mom, who is flying in from out of town for the occasion. These are all known people; they’ll keep her to her routine.

I realized I could actually come home in the middle of the week for one night, and can’t get the possibility out of my head. No one is asking me to do this, and it’s expensive! But I‘m feeling overwhelming guilt about being away when I don’t “have to be.” I’m also feeling a lot of guilt (or is it shame?) for wanting to leave a work trip and spend an absurd amount of money because I’ll miss my toddler too much.

This can‘t possibly be as huge of a deal as I’ve made it in my mind, right!?? Can someone help put this dilemma in perspective? (Or just tell me what you’d do?)

some context: I only work 3 days per week, so I’m home with my daughter a majority of the time.

Heyo experienced parents. What do you do to ensure toddler is warm when moving in and out of the car seat without putting them in bulky jackets? We live in Manitoba and it can get down to -30 here. I know jackets aren’t supposed to be worn in the car seat, so how do you keep them toasty?

Okay let me start by saying that those of you who have low sleep needs kids, don’t hate me and maybe scroll past lol. My 13 month old sleeps what feels like more than normal to me but he’s my first so idk what “normal” is. He goes down around 7-7:30 most nights and sleeps 12-13 hours. He wakes up between 7-7:30am and often we wake him up at 7:30. He is still very much on 2 naps. He struggles to make it to 10am for his first nap most mornings and sleeps 1.5-2 hours. He then sleeps 1-1.25 hours for his second nap around 2:30-3:30ish. So we’re talking around 15 hours of sleep per day.

Now, I am in ZERO way complaining about this, I am extremely grateful lol. My child (although I love him dearly with my whole heart and soul) is miserable to be around most of the time. He is one of the whiniest/fussiest babies you would ever meet so his sleep is one of the only things we’ve got going for us.

He does act/seem tired a lot of the time leading up to his naps/bedtime. I’m talking like the entire hour before. I had brought it up with the ped at his 12 month appt but she didn’t seem concerned. I guess I just see most babies drop a nap around this time and have less night sleep and I don’t see him dropping any naps anytime soon.

I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone else had a similar experience with their kid, I’m just starting to wonder if the high sleep and tiredness correlates with his fussiness and meltdowns.

For me, having a child was wonderful for my marriage at the beginning. But over the years of me doing most of the parenting alone, I feel depleted and resentful toward my spouse. How was it for you? I am curious if this is common. I think it might be but at the same time I see peers with amazing husbands who really are a great teammate.

My son is having a 5th birthday party on December 5th and I am struggling on when to send invites due to the holiday season. Was thinking about sending this week but need some feedback! Thank you!

My baby ( 5 months 9 days old to be precise) simply refuses to sleep when we’re out, no matter how sleepy or tired she is. She won’t nap in the stroller (which she currently hates sitting in, especially now that she’s in her rolling-and-trying-to-sit-up phase), and we don’t have a car seat yet, so car naps aren’t an option either.

I feel like I have a little FOMO baby who doesn’t want to miss out on anything happening around her! 😂 But I’m wondering — is this a common phase at this age, or do some babies genuinely struggle to nap outside the comfort of their home?

I see babies who can feed and sleep just about anywhere, and I can’t help but wonder how their moms do it! 🙈 Is it too much to ask for a baby who can nap on the go?

If you’ve been through this, please share your tips and tricks. How do you manage outings, naps, and feeding when your baby refuses to settle outside? Did your little one eventually grow out of this phase? Additionally, my baby simply doesn't sleep on her own , atm its either sleep to feed or rocking/ swaying or walking taking her in the arms in the cradle position ( which she simply hates now) .

Would love to hear your experiences! Thanks in advance.

I hate saying it, but my 5.5-year-old is so unlikable and selfish lately. He constantly whines, throws tantrums when he has friends over, and really only ever wants to do things his way. Every morning is a struggle - he says he doesn't want to go to school, doesn't like it, doesn't like anything (literally says that). Yet, his teacher says he seems to be thriving and has no issues to report. Similarly, he resists scheduled activities and extra curriculars. Everything feels like a fight with him. We try hard to hold boundaries and consequences, which usually just exacerbates the behaviour in the moment, and nothing seems to stick long-term. Like all kids, when he's in a sunny mood he's so great - smart, funny, cute, sweet. But man, five has been a largely difficult age and I can't help but compare our child to his peers who all seem so much easier going.

This is mostly a rant, but I welcome any advice.

I’m thinking about doing some infant swim classes with will-be 9 mo, mainly to have an indoor activity once it gets cold. Silly question, but can he just wear swim trunks and swim diaper? Or does he need a full rashguard? I assume that’s more for outdoor/SPF? Any ideas what is more comfy for a baby?

I have been researching wagons well over a month and I must make a decision today!

Most important:
-easy to maneuver and actually good on grassy, hilly areas (so easy to pull as well), and places like pumpkin patches
-I am tiny so should be able to fold easily and lift into my car
-prefer no more than 2 seater but if the 5 year old wants to jump in he can (other child is 1 so primarily it’s for that one)
-I don’t want to spend an arm and a leg, prefer under $300

Absolutely do not need:
-4 seater
-every accessory under the sun
-$700 stroller wagon
-high walls

Right now I’m looking at a jeep one, baby trend quest, radio flyer Voya, Evenflo pivot xplore

Thank you!!

When do they start thinking parents are protective and their advice is for their own good , Till what age teen girls think parents are restrictive and annoying

Recently I played a game of hangman with my 7 year old and it got me thinking, is this actually harmful? Or am I overthinking it. I remember enjoying it quite a lot as a kid but it’s a little morbid now I’m thinking about it 😅

on the other hand, kids of yesteryear used to listen to/ read much more gruesome stories (fairy tales are a good example but even more recent books like Charlie and the Chocolate factory are quite gruesome when you really think about it).

I’m leaning towards thinking that a kid that’s 7 years old can understand the difference between a game and real life (and my 7 year old does) so maybe it’s only a problem if we make it a problem? It’s not like it’s overly realistic, being a stick figure. this year, we’ve been working a lot on writing skills including spelling so it also seems like a fun way to practice this.

I have seen the alternatives, such as a snowman but I think that makes it almost seem like a reward to get a bunch of letters wrong. The threat is kind of part of it, and part of the fun. The “oh no!” He’s only got an arm and leg to go before he dies! The ones where you erase things seem good as well but would be a little annoying using paper, especially if you had a pen/ didn’t have an eraser, but better when using a white board.

Open to hearing any other alternatives to how you play hangman, but also a whether or not you reckon it’s harmless.

Thanks in advance! 😄