He prescribed me 25mg (and go up to 50mg if nexessar), said the risk is so low I don‘t have to do any tests, that he wouldn‘t do them if he were taking the medication and he wouldn‘t tell his kods to do any tests. I‘m in Germany. This medication is not even approved in the US, due to liver problems, but it is approved in Europe.

The leaflet says do them.

So, I relapsed with self harm at school the other day during break 1/lunch and my partner saw. It was after english and I absolutely hate english. I was sitting with friends, but then they wandered off to do stuff. Yesterday, I had english before break 2/recess and I was sitting with my partner. I had this thought "if he leaves to do something, I will most likely relapse" (luckily he didn't leave our spot lol.) I now don't think I trust myself to be without a friend with me during break, especially after an english lesson. I don't know how I will do that though as my partner is gonna be quite busy at break for a lot of this week and I'm not super close with a lot of my friends. Any advice?

I am a person who has severe hallucinations, and I have had them my whole life. My friend recently brought up the idea of synesthesia to me. It kind of made sense.

People all have their own colors. I see an aura around each person. I see an aura around my own self. My pets too. I see trails. Music is very colorful. I feel music deeply, and it comes out as flashing colors in my eyesight. I can taste words. I feel like they're tangible. It seems like the life I life is in 4k or somewhere above.

I don't know if these are all hallucinations, or if I have synesthesia. When someone is sad, I feel their color and absorb their emotions. Emotional monitoring is a compulsive habit of mine. I always check for emotions and can tell what people are feeling from their slight bodily features. But then I feel the color that they are, and it overwhelms my color.

Letters and numbers have colors and genders and personalities. I can look at something and feel the emotion of an inanimate object. It's gotten so bad over the course of my life that I can't turn off this feeling. I'm feeling too much and it's overwhelming me. Someone cries and I feel their emotions so severely it's like I'm crying for them. Even if I don't want to! Even if I don't agree with them! I mimic others' emotions so well that it becomes my emotion. I don't know where to put this message, but I need to try to figure myself out.

I think my mind is trying to self sabotage, I am spiralling badly and I’ve woke up to a horrific nightmare, I can’t stop shaking uncontrollably and my mind is telling me to do all these things like get in a car accident, self harm, ruin every friendship I have and my relationship so I’m not happy, push everyone away, smash everything I own up. It’s like I wanna ruin anything I’ve worked hard for anything I have. It’s driving me crazy these nightmares these hot sweats the shakes. My head is pounding and I feel like I’m going crazy

Background: I am a 20 year old male. I have been diagnosed with severe OCD, severe MDD, GAD, PTSD, and psychosis. I am not dangerous to anyone but myself. I don’t hurt people.

I’m in my third year of college. My mother was highly abusive, my father let it happen, and during my first year of college I was stuck in a relationship with a woman who drugged, manipulated, and raped me over 100 times. My parents have complete control of my finances (not my choice) and I don’t have a car. I’ve been suicidal since I was 13. I haven’t had a day without suicidal thoughts since. My last suicide attempt was May. My last self harm was 11 days ago. That’s the longest I’ve gone without hurting myself in 4 months. I workout daily, eat (very little), and do well in school. I have no vices.

I’m writing this because tonight I’ve finally taken away my own humanity. I look in the mirror and I don’t even see a human being anymore. I look and feel like a disgusting amalgamation of putrid body parts. I’m so anxious about my appearance that I can’t even look at people in the most professional or platonic ways without feeling immense shame and guilt for being what I am. I don’t hurt people but clearly that isn’t enough to be human.

My friends are all retracting. Some slowly, some quickly. They don’t answer texts anymore or want to do anything. My very fragile support system is largely gone. I don’t even know what I did wrong. I treated every friend I’ve had like they mean the world to me because they did. No fights or scandals or betrayals. I promise I did my best.

I can barely function anymore. It takes 2 hours to get out of bed. I go to class, the gym, and one meal a day. I go to therapy once every week too which is the only bright spot in my life.

I feel like a hideous and loathesome monster who needs to be put down. I don’t know what I did but I know I deserve to die for it. I lost my faith in god. I’m on the maximum dosage of the only meds I can tolerate. I go to therapy as much as I can and I buy all the self help materials. I’m trying so hard to get better. I just can’t view myself as a human anymore.

I don’t know why I posted this. I’m sorry it’s distressing. My abusive mother and partner always said the same thing “you’re too miserable to love”. After spending 2 years in almost complete isolation, I can see why.

I always had issues mentally I was diagnosed with a whole list of things but one of those things(schitzo effective disorder) I definitely didn't have at all my mom convinced the Dr I had it because her husband was abusing me and she needed an excuse now I don't trust anything they diagnosed me with at that time and I really don't trust the mental health field at all. Ive always struggled with self harm I used to cut and burn myself all the time my whole body is covered in scars from 19-20 when I met my husband all the cutting and burning stopped. Im 21 still with my amazing husband and I keep hurting myself. Today I smashed my hand between two carts at work, and I pressed my arm into the edge of the airfryer and yelled at the cat like i got burned trying to keep her back. It calms me down when I'm overwhelmed is it still self harm? It's nothing permanent since I've been with my husband there's only been things like smashing my hand, purposefully creating an accident to center myself. Ive been able to keep away from burning and cutting but tonight after burning myself I'm seeing how many "accidents" I've had and I'm wondering if anyone has reached out for help because of similar "accidental" sorta self harm and if it was something that's able to be helped maybe

The title sounds abrasive, but I’m at the end of my rope and don’t know what to do. My son, who is 19 and graduated high school a little less than 5 months ago, is completely directionless and captive to his mental health.

He started having difficulties with peers as early as elementary school, but did his work, behaved well, and was considered “a joy” by his teachers. However, in 5th grade, right around when he started to hit puberty (11 or so), this changed drastically.

He was constantly referred to the office, leading to 2 suspensions in the same year, plus countless conversations with teachers, counselors, principals, etc. Rather than decreasing, these problems continued to escalate into junior high, when he attempted suicide via Tylenol overdose in 6th grade (followed up with months of social work visits), then received several more suspensions, including a 10-day for a “joke” to a friend about shooting up the school.

I thought this served as a wake up call, as he was without incident and found some positive influences his freshman year (choir, social studies), until it came crashing down again. The following year, he was hospitalized for a second suicide attempt by hanging with a belt. This time, he was pink slipped and placed in a facility for a week, where he was formally diagnosed with ADHD, OCD, Insomnia, and Social Anxiety Disorder.

He was prescribed Prozac, Ritalin, and Hydroxyzine (he discontinued all after less than a week), and we decided to transfer him schools for a fresh start and new peer group after he complained of bullying. In retrospect, this was probably a poor decision, as it disrupted his education and likely sent him further into isolation. Regardless, he kept his head down and was scot-free the whole year, even becoming adored by some of his teachers for his intellect and passion for history/politics (I now know he was radicalized around this time into being a white supremacist/fascist).

For whatever reason, he remained fixated on returning to his previous school. Reluctantly, we agreed, and he was slated to go back junior year. However, he posted a threat on social media, stating that he was targeting female students and staff. Predictably, he was expelled before the first day and spent the year online. Once again, he broke down and said he wanted to finish high school in-person. After a re-integration meeting and lots of planning, he was enrolled for his senior year in the same district.

He failed multiple classes and had some minor brush-ins, as well as a 3rd hospitalization after he snuck out of the house and threatened the police to jump off a local bridge. In spite of this, the school took good care of him (I kept the counselor updated since he refused to speak with her and had to be brought into meetings by admin) and he made it all the way to the week before graduation, when he was banned from the ceremony for an aggressive outburst during an emergency evacuation (leapt a rail to leave after being told he could not sign-out without car keys, argued with an officer, then swore and made a tongue gesture at a teacher.)

Miraculously, he managed to be accepted to a state college, but we did not have enough money to cover full tuition without taking out significant loans, and were both extremely afraid of him failing and dropping out or having another incident, this time away from home. He worked briefly over the summer at a pet store, impulsively quit, enrolled in community college, unenrolled prior to the beginning of lessons, picked up another job with slightly better salary, quit once more after we discovered he has heart problems, then registered again for online college courses.

The reason I’m concerned is that he has proven to be completely dysfunctional, and gives up on everything he does. He does not drive, has no consistent social interaction outside of his phone or Xbox, and is so irritable that we’ve contemplated just throwing him out. He does not do chores without a fight or engage constructively in anything, except for his classes which resume shortly, and his YouTube channel that he’s convinced he can make a career out of.

I do not know where to go from here. He aged out of all the youth supports, but has very little maturity or ability to navigate adult systems. Yesterday, he made himself a tele-psychiatry appointment. She listened empathetically, and seemed baffled at the sheer volume of incidents. Because of his caffeine usage and trouble sleeping, she would not prescribe any stimulants, but put one in for Zoloft (50 mg once daily). He has agreed to take it, and says he will consider therapy for his OCD (ERP).

What changes can we expect? Does this sound like a good treatment plan? I just need some kind of advice before I lose my son.

TLDR: I’m concerned for my 19 year old son with severe mental illness and don’t know how to support his future.

Many years ago, when a physician at a prominent psychiatric hospital was reportedly asked to define mental illness, the answer was remarkably simple: “a disease of the sensitivities.” Psychiatry would rarely describe mental illness this way today. Contemporary language is more differentiated and mechanistic: cognition, affect regulation, salience, attention, arousal, executive functioning, memory, perception, neurodevelopment, circuitry, neurotransmission, trauma, and behavior allow clinicians and researchers to describe particular processes with considerably greater precision. That precision represents genuine progress. Yet something may have been lost when sensitivity disappeared from the center of the description. The older phrase does not tell us enough about mechanism or diagnosis, but it captures something phenomenologically powerful: psychological suffering often concerns not merely what a person thinks or feels, but what they become sensitive to, how much significance that sensitivity acquires, and what their consciousness must subsequently do with what has become significant.
Sensitivity, understood this way, lies almost exactly between Correspondence and Vibration. Correspondence discovers relationships: this reminds me of that; this feeling changes how I perceive this person; this bodily state changes how the future appears; this criticism contacts an older fear; this success changes what I believe I can become. Vibration begins once those relationships acquire movement and force. Something matters. Something attracts or repels. Attention changes. The body prepares. A judgment begins forming. Sensitivity is the threshold between the two: it is where a relationship becomes consequential enough that the organism can no longer encounter it neutrally. Correspondence helps explain what has become connected; Vibration concerns how consciousness lives once the connection has begun moving through it.
The difficulty is that sensitivity can become self-validating. The more important something feels, the easier it becomes to notice relationships that explain why it should feel important. Fear discovers evidence for fear. Shame discovers memories compatible with shame. Confidence discovers possibilities compatible with confidence. Anger reorganizes attention around violations. Even psychological insight can participate in the same process: once I possess an explanation for why I am sensitive to something, new experiences can continually be interpreted through that explanation. Correspondence can therefore enhance the perspective without necessarily transforming the sensitivity. I understand myself better, possess more language, recognize more causes, and see more relationships, yet the same psychological organization may continue determining what becomes significant and how much authority that significance receives.
Modern society offers an especially revealing example of how sensitivity can become psychologically disordered through excessive smartphone use. One could argue that a society in which millions of people repeatedly surrender their attention to a device, even when they have no particular reason to use it, is displaying a widespread disturbance of sensitivity. This does not mean that everyone who frequently uses a phone meets the clinical criteria for mental illness, but it raises a more unsettling question about what society has learned to consider normal (and is there an epidemic of mental illness that has gone unnoticed largely because we redefined what mental illness truly is). A moment of boredom, an unanswered message, a brief silence, an uncomfortable emotion, or even the possibility of missing something can acquire enough significance to produce an almost automatic desire to reach for the phone. The device begins occupying the threshold between Correspondence and Vibration: an internal experience becomes associated with the expectation of digital stimulation, that expectation acquires emotional significance, and the organism moves toward the screen before consciousness has meaningfully examined the desire. Repeated notifications, novelty, social feedback, and temporary relief can reinforce this organization until the absence of stimulation becomes something to which the person is increasingly sensitive. The phone no longer merely satisfies an existing desire; its repeated use can help condition the sensitivity that generates the next desire. What appears to be an ordinary technological habit may therefore represent a psychological organization in which Correspondence continually reinforces what matters, while Vibration becomes increasingly dependent upon an externally supplied opportunity for movement. The disturbing possibility is not that modern society has made everyone mentally ill, but that it may have normalized patterns of compulsive sensitivity that would otherwise deserve serious psychological examination.

I was supposed to have an adhd assessment then i got rejected and referred to another team that has a waitlist of 10 years, the doctor explained that cuz i was at high risk due to my past SH , and suicidal thoughts. I regret being honest now i wish i kept it to myself. I don’t understand how is this fair! This happened to me before i went to a mental hospital i was to honest they told me “you’re case is too complex for us…” i understand that it’s tricky to work with people in this state but aren’t this the whole point? I’m in therapy atm thank god but i still worry about saying some stuff. I got an appointment today i answered no to all the risk questions despite still struggling.

I don’t think I can take much more of this.
Lately, I’ve been realizing just how little I seem to matter to my own family. I try to talk to them about what I’m going through, hoping someone will listen, hoping someone will care enough to notice how badly I’m struggling, but nothing ever changes. I’ve been told to my face that I’m not important, and I don’t know how to explain what that does to a person. I’ve spent so much of this year being let down by the people I thought I could count on, by my family and even my only friend. I keep trying to convince myself that things will get better, but every day feels heavier than the last.
I’m trapped in my room with my own thoughts, and the pain in my chest won’t go away. I feel so alone, even when I’m surrounded by people. It’s like I’m screaming for help and nobody can hear me. I’m exhausted from carrying all of this by myself, from trying to explain my pain to people who don’t seem to care whether I’m hurting or not. I don’t know how much longer I can keep feeling like this. Sometimes I just want everything to stop. I want the pain to stop, the thoughts to stop, the feeling that I mean nothing to the people I love to stop. I’m scared of how bad things have gotten, and I don’t know what to do anymore. Why do I feel this way? Why does it hurt so much to feel like I don’t matter?

So I went cold turkey on everything pretty much. Thought I wasn’t gonna make it through the night. But now just 60mg of adderall is letting me barely make it through work, and I plan to ask for a brain scan as well as get a real desoxyn medication. But holy shit sober thinking is insane I forgot how hard this is. I cry one second I giggle the next I’m so hyper manic it’s insane. And sweet lord the thoughtssssss are horrendous. How does one reset their consciousness or existence or just become a different person.

I’m a 22-year-old girl studying Electrical Engineering at one of the top universities in the country. The academic pressure is on another level, and on top of that, we’re currently looking for internships while our end semester exams are just two weeks away. It’s honestly exhausting.
I don’t really have any close friends at university. I have some cordial friends, but I feel like everyone is mostly focused on themselves. I understand that people have their own lives and priorities, but sometimes I just wish I had someone who genuinely cared about me, someone I could talk to and spend time with. I’m literally feeling so alone in university life. I don’t have a best friend or a boyfriend, just a few casual friends.

Today, I thought I should come home during study leave because I really needed some rest and comfort. I reached home at around 11:30 p.m., and I was already so tired and hungry. But when I got home, they hadn’t even prepared a proper meal. The food available was stuff I don’t usually eat.
My friend’s father had dropped me off, and my dad opened the door. But when I went looking for something to eat, there was nothing I actually felt like eating. I was so hungry, but I just went to bed without eating.

My mom didn’t even come to see me. She was sleeping in her room. I know everyone has their own things to do, but I honestly expected at least a little care from my own family.
I came home thinking I could finally relax and feel better, but instead, I ended up crying so much. University is already so stressful. I don’t feel genuinely happy there, and I don’t have anyone I can turn to when things get overwhelming. But even when I come home, I don’t feel like I have a place where I can find comfort or peace.

On top of everything, I don’t have a boyfriend, and sometimes I feel like maybe I’m just not attractive enough. My own mom has told me multiple times that I’m not good-looking, and those words have really affected how I see myself.
I keep trying to forget everything, move on, and focus on my life, but the same things keep happening. Sometimes I feel like my whole life has been nothing but problems, with hardly any genuinely happy moments.

I’m so tired of everything. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just wish I could have a little happiness, some genuine love and care, and a place where I could feel safe and comfortable without having to cry.

I have no idea where to post this, so this is better than nothing. This shit is eating me a live man. We have a 2 and a half year old daughter too.

My wife thinks she is being gangstalked by the government, kkk and other fascist groups. It's all she has really talked about for almost 2 years now and deeps dive into tik toks all day about it. She has been through some really bad stuff in her life; grew up with a horrible alcoholic dad that beat her and her mom, he was also a cop so he never got in trouble. In college she was r**ed twice, and believes the same people of some grand organization are out for her on that too since she has spoken up about that She has also spoken up about trends and things she sees in the government and white fascist groups, and thinks she is now a targeted indidivudal. She even confronts random people on the street sometimes, that to her are "in on it." She thinks our neighbors are in on it, our whole damn neighborhood basically. Then some days she will say "okay, I feel a shift in the air today, people are finally starting to wake up and realize that I'm not the one they should be going after!" Then the next day she points out random cars or people saying "hey, those people watching us, they're in on it."

Don't get me wrong, she is an amazing woman and has and always will have my back in anything, except when it comes to this stuff. I will say "well that's just a coincidence" or "maybe not babe" and she FLIPS out. Saying I'm a liability for our safety. And she is a great mother and would NEVER do anything to hurt our daughter.

Also, we were in PHX for a bit but moved back to my hometown, which is still in AZ (in which I dislike very much) due to financial struggles and ended up moving in with my parents.

She is from Chicago and we are planning to move back there actually within the next two months to stay with her mom. ❗️IMPORTANT ❗️ I SHOULD HAVE STATED EARLIER: She is Schizo-effective. She was 5150d last year around this time for basically the same stuff.....but she went way farther with it last year than now. Saying/believing even crazier things back the, and doing some intense stuff. Here's the thing, she understands that all of this stuff may make her sound crazy and people won't believe her - she's very cognizant of her mental state and her surroundings in a way. Her mom doesn't help matters either; she's the same way. Pretty sure schizo-effective runs on the mom side of the family.

I'm the point where I don't even want to be around her anymore since this is her life and all she talks about. It gives me severe anxiety and crippling depression to always having to talk about this stuff everyday.

I just want to have normal days with my wife without us going out and calling people out who she thinks are following or watching us; without every conversation always back to this, or without showing me something new on tik tok she found out about it.

I fucken love our daughter more than ANYTHING in this world, and it would absolutely break me to be across the country from her and only see her every few months or so.

I don't want to miss my daughter growing up, but | also can't be around my wife anymore when her mindset is like this.

She tells me that the system is going to fall soon and everything will be back to normal by 2030 the latest. So she is basically telling me that 4 more years and she will stop with all this?? And also, what if she doesn't, what if it continues.

And again, I can’t tell her anything that doesn’t go along with her narrative or mindset behind this.

⚠️Oh and this is a BIG ONE.⚠️ In the past SHE HAS THREATENED to take our daughter away from me if I don’t believe her.

WTF do I do, please, anybody; my heart is torn in two right now.

I have been suffering from an existential crisis since 15, it was so bad and umm it's the darkest years of my fucking life, specifically it's about the fear of young father's dying. I'm 18 now and it's still with me, I don't know how I never thought of committing it but hey I'm alive. Now I'm suffering the side effects of this whole mental illness shit.

Two of them are, I don't feel anything when someone is suffering, and I don't fear death.

Ok the first one, I'm not a terrible person I can assure you that, but whenever I hear who was hurt or who died especially women and children, I don't feel shit, I truly don't. I'm not a child suffering enjoyer nor a misogynistic person, but I just don't feel anything, I don't feel sad, I don't feel bad, I don't feel.... anything. Lately my friend's uncle had an accident and passed, but I found myself feeling nothing, not even numb. I really am not a terrible person but this is how I am right now, I feel nothing.

The second one is I don't fear death, after suffering for so long so young, I don't feel like death is something I should be afraid of, the worst that can possibly be is that I die, I have suffered worst, I have experienced mental torture, I have experienced suffocation from my own mental thoughts and more, so death doesn't sound like a thing that I should be scared of y'know.

Idk if I'm alone on this one, my mental health when I was 15-17 was deteriorating only until 18 I sought help, but I don't think it doesn't do anything, as time went on everything I felt before, the anxiousness, anxiety attacks, immense sadness, my shitty insanity, anger, all went numb, and now I don't feel anything and I don't fear death like I used to.

P.S. I'm not gonna do anything to harm myself, I am not bold enough nor I like the feeling of pain. I love myself, I just feel so empty after suffering so much and it feels weird.

I don't know if am having a mental health issue or whatever,or if it's psychiatric, psychological or neurological I don't understand anything.

My state, induced by threat responses and altered understanding,absurd relations between objects,absurd categories and altered semantic modelling,

My state is a phenomenon when,

This isn't about beliefs in general,but

It's about altered noetic processes and affective states,

And absurd, altering relationships between objects cause absurd understanding,

Which can lead to extreme urgency,extreme subjective felt discomfort (non bodily,but it's still sensory like), distess,altered understanding,false contradiction signalling,

And much more. Leading to uncertainty,more confusion,more absurdities.

There used to be, ordinary understanding,where is it?

things no longer seem self evident,and everything just seems extremely wrong,broken, fragmented,and extremely absurd.

Like, my Brain is giving priority or urgency to unnecessary things,and those thoughts, those thoughts and it's making me,analyse them,and i don't understand or comprehend any of them.

It's,

More like, it's forming absurd, irrational, illogical,absurd categories,and absurd relationships between how objects in logical form and semantic form are formulated for belief formation itself.

Belief regarding how beliefs themselves are formed

Sometimes I can't tell the difference between what's real and what's mind made.

And i have to gain the insight that this big sh#t is mind made,

To calm down.

They are extremely distressing already that my understanding of the world starts to deteriorate, I don't know what's even happening ,how thoughts even are beginning or ending,or how the things even connect to make sense. I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't know, it's extremely distressing it's too terrifying, I'm terrified of this. i have to continuously recognise and inhibit these thoughts,all i can know is ,that this state currently isn't likke how it used to be, my confidence in how things even were,is gone,and all i am doing is just believing something in air. My last anchor,is the state where i wasn't experiencing this hell.

All i know is,

This wasn't how it used to be

And it shouldn't be like this.

I don't know, I don't even know now

That why this state should even be thought as bad?

I don't understand,

All i know is it's bothering me, it's extremely,i only know that this shouldn't be the case.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

This was not as easy as it sounds, mainly due to the mental exertion I had to place towards this. For a long time, I could not get myself to do anything art-related, despite it being my "hobby" and wanting to do it. Because of this, I see myself just getting started on this as an achievement in its own right. I don't want to move too fast with the progress though; 45 minutes later after starting and working on it on my computer, and my head already hurts. I still have to learn and see lessons and experiences for myself as I journey to a better state of mind.

While many believe that time should be taken off of social media (and they're not wrong), I don't see the social media aspect as what I'm celebrating on, but the fact that I'm doing what I see as a little graphic design. Considering that this is the main job position that I want to start off on in my career, it's nice to know that I'm making strides to put my mind onto a familiar, yet unfamiliar experience. In fact, just expressing my victory over merely starting my banner art has proven to be something I'm still not used to yet, because my head is still tingly and trying to push away from all the new experience, when it can't!

Sorry if some of the things I've said sound like they're on repeat; I'm just glad that I was able to get through what I view as a small, but difficult and important step! I hope, and contnue to hope, that I can continue with this growth of mine, no matter how slow it has to take!

It’s bizarre to me that some people seem to think that it’s not possible to have multiple mental illnesses. I was perusing another subreddit and someone said that if you had that many disorders you’d kys or just die, etc.

It’s weird to me. I have autism, BPD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and my new psych suspects PTSD but hasn’t diagnosed me yet. It is difficult to live with and I have recurrent suicidal thoughts and behavior, as typical of someone with BPD, but it’s not impossible to live with all of these things.

I just wish mental illness was less stigmatized in general. It is normal to experience mental illness, as in you’re not a bad person or faking it or doing it for attention (unless you are lol).

I feel like it’s hard to be open about mental illness when people just assume the worst about others. But I do it anyway to raise awareness and reduce stigma.

I don't even know if this is supposed to be posted here so I'm just trying my luck, I need some opinions, its also my first time posting on Reddit for such a reason.

I'm a 24 years old male. I have a big problem with my family. And I don't know what to do. I even talked to Gemini for some logical reasons for what's happening in this degenerate family.

So I just came back from Spain after 4 months of work, but it was a practice contract, so I didn't get a full salary. I was alone and I was struggling with money, I had to pay a lot of money on flights, and also the bank took my full "salary" for a month and left me with nothing. I couldn't wait til I get home, also I knew what was happening here. Now I have a little bit of money for driver's license but its gonna cost me a lot. I also have to find a new job here. But here's what it might ruin my plans through a mental crisis.

We rented an apartment ( me, mom, my 2 brothers and the boyfriend of one of them, we all live together ).

My 33yo brother doesn't work for over a year since he got back home, he worked in Germany for over 7-8 years but all his money ( it was over 3000€ a month, since here in Romania we have 500€ the minimum wage. ) so he made like really nice money. Absolutely every cent was lost to gambling. Nothing is left. And now he just stays home, on his phone, drinking, gambling and wasting space. He does absolutely nothing in this house, not even cleaning a plate.

My mom tried to talk to him so he needs to get a job, but he just invents excuses not to go to work. And mom just does nothing. When he gets upset or mad that he doesn't get anything to drink or something ( he's not an aggressive person when he drinks tho ), my mom gives him money again and again and again until she doesn't have anything or just for basics.

Now the other brother, he goes to work but again he only drinks and gambles in sports, like bets, I don't even know how I should put this in English. But you get it.

My mom just works and absolutely every salary that she gets goes to covering the bills. She is left with NOTHING.

They all smoke tho.

I started also 2 years ago, Im trying to quit. Now a little bit about myself. I'm the only one who knows English, the only one who ever got into a college, quit after 2 years. The only one who let's say is capable of doing something with his life, I think I do have that intelligence that they lack.

I never gambled, I never drank.

One year ago, I had depression, but when I was in Spain I quit taking my pills also. It didnt feel that much of a pressure when I didnt take them so I suppose they helped one way or the other. My mom keeps taking her depression pills so she's also in a bad mental health. So is my brother that works.

Now, I couldn't wait til i get home from there, this happened 2 days ago. I was imagining that I'll get home, happy with motivation, that I get to go to the gym, I will get my driver's license, that I would continue to speak Spanish, that I'd get a German teacher because I would like to move in Austria or Germany next year.

But I don't know how I can do that with all the mess that's inside of this house and family.

I need some opinions how to manage this by myself. I'm tired of thinking if myself over and over again every day.

So if you may have some advice for me, please write in comments, doesn't matter what it is.

Thank you! God Bless you!

I (15Y) am an asian boy who struggle with depressive thoughts and suicidal thoughts. This has been happening since I was 8 years old (I gained consciousness when I was 7). It got worse around age 11-12 years old.

I want to die and unexist, because my life is worthless and I really have no future. My grades are straight C or Ds. Everyone has high expectations of me, but I don't get why. They're already pressuring me for IGCSE. But I don't have any suicidal attempts except overdosing on pills because I am too much of a coward. I feel like I should get a death sentence because I don't matter.

When I was 7, I got sexually assaulted by my classmate in the school bathroom. She also helped me encourage two other girls to join in, and I still get fantasies of that moment. I didn't realise it was SA until I was like 12-13. I have fantasies about being raped, and I don't know if it's a distant memory and my brain is blocking me out because of PTSD, but I also get flashbacks of my dad's friend raping me in a bathroom. I'm still confused whether it was a dream I haven't forgotten or something that actually happened, but it was very vivid. I was sexualised and objectified in primary school by boys in my grade.

I love self harm, but it's not only when I feel like punishing myself or my day was bad. I self harm because I like to see my scars, and it gives me a sense of enjoyment. Otherwise, I don't really have a reason why I do that. I have a lot of scars on my wrists, thighs, shoulders. I use a blade or a lighter. I'm also hypersexual, but I don't know if it's because of hormones or something else. I masturbate everyday, and what concerns me is that I get turned on by really deep scars like deeprock or taffy laffy. Especially on the thighs areas.

I find it arousing when media decipts cutting your partner's wrists during sexual intercourse, or anything related to self harm. I have masochistic tendencies, and sadistic. Mostly masochistic though. And I like it even better when it's non-consensual, whether sexual or not.

I'm also a Lolishocon (if you don't know, it's fictional media about attraction for young boys and girls). I know it's mental, but I have been suppressing these urges. I don't get these feelings for real life children (unless they're AI and purely fictional). I tried not to act on them, but I enjoy hentai doujinshis about them being raped. I think that makes me a pedophile, but I'm not a predator. I really am not. I will not repeat the same thing that girl in 1st grade or my dad's friend did to me, I swear on my life - because, doing so will literally produce human scum like me.

I also think that I have some Bipolar symptoms, but I don't want to self diagnose. I've already researched a lot regarding the disorder and I relate to pretty much all of them. It's an endless cycle, and when I get out of my manic/depression phase, I start to get into a state of apathy that prolongs for a very very long time that it's worrying. My grades are falling, I barely brush my teeth, I bedrot everyday and I don't even pay attention in class. All I do is get on my laptop and do random shit, or maybe I go on generative AI to roleplay smut like J.ai.

To add on, I get really pissed at my classmates and everyone around me. I even say harsh things without thinking beforehand and regret it after. I pretty much hate everyone for no reason. I literally have thoughts of brutally murdering them in various different ways, and it's concerning.

I ruined most of my relationships because of my depression phase, where I don't reply to anyone at all and ghost them. And I push them away because once they do something wrong, I curse them out and hate them. Like, really really deep hatred. It's a problem, but I'm trying to control it. Now I have only 5 friends IRL, including my bf (yes, I keep track). I have lots of friends online. It's easier to control my reactions virtually, so I prefer texting in discord servers.

For some reason, I have little to no empathy. I've bullied people before in 4th grade and 8th grade, but I'm glad to see that they're doing fine now. I hate the damage I've done to other people. I also fake my personality and my interests, I don't even know what I like or want to be anymore.

I was exposed to the Internet and Discord at a young age. I watched porn when I was 6-7 in my dad's gallery in his tablet. I still remember the exact details of my first video. It was a girl crying, and she was begging the perpetrator to stop having sex with her. She was on the bed alone, naked. I've never actually had intercourse before, but I have only made out with my current boyfriend and stripped for him. I am a homosexual male btw, but I've had a gf before. I begged my bf to hit me until I bleed, he said no cause he doesn't want to hurt me.

P.s: I sent my boyfriend a picture of a cat who slept beside me for 30 minutes at a restaurant, then he said it's because cats follow around those with good aura. I cried after that. I'm not someone with a good aura or anything good at all. I hate myself so much..

What's wrong with me? I really want to get better and I feel disgusting about myself.. is it hormones??

Hello, my name is Nova. I’m wondering if I might have some kind of mental health condition, or if this is just a normal part of adolescence. Whenever I’m out—whether at school or in public—I feel like everyone is mocking me; even the small, casual gestures of strangers feel like they’re directed at me. It’s reached a point where I feel like the entire school, and even the whole village, hates me. On top of that, I occasionally hear voices that aren't actually there. I also have the persistent feeling that people around me can read my mind or are spying on me—and whenever I focus on something, the mocking and derision seem to start. This leaves me feeling agitated, prone to muttering to myself, and filled with anger. For instance, if I lose a game, I get furious; it’s as if my opponent senses my hostility, and I feel a strange, intrusive connection—like they’re watching me. Furthermore, when I’m looking at my phone, watching TV, or viewing movies and anime, I feel as though the fictional characters can see me and are looking at me with contempt. Whenever I talk to others, I’m constantly terrified that some "bad" thought might pop into my head, and I spend the entire conversation struggling to suppress it. This has been going on since my second year of junior high, and it’s still happening now that I’m in my final year of high school. Is this just a matter of how my brain functions during adolescence, or should I seek help from a mental health professional?h, and it’s continued all the way through my final year of high school. Could this just be a matter of how my brain functions during adolescence?

Is there a way that I could receive completely anonymous therapy? Maybe online or something? I can’t get anything on my record because of my job. Just talk therapy, I’d ask friends but I want real solutions from an actual professional. I feel like an idiot, a true failure and I’m so so so awkward. I’d be willing to pay as long as it’s not too expensive, I’m not rich by any means.

I have to move in with my Narcissist dad he fits every narcissist trade I’m still forced to get along with him. How do I do that? If I I argue back, even if I’m right he will just kick me out and i have no clue were to live then. We have a bad relationship I’m not gonna go into detail but i hate him with my full heart. Does anybody have tips or experience in this topic? Thank you in advance

I struggle with chronic pain depression autism (possibly adhd as well) and anxiety. I have an extremely difficult time cleaning my bedroom because it builds and builds and i just cant handle it. On top of that i have a severe fear of spiders. My actions are often dictated on whether theres a spider there or not and since i live in the basement cleaning my room is scarier for me. Im always scared that ill moce something and there will be a spider there. Last night I got the urge to clean and on top of that I knew I could potentionally have someone new over giving me.more motivation. So I began cleaning assuming id get some done but not all. I split my room into 3 sections and usually can only do about 1. I got finished with the biggest section and was very happy with how it looked. I cleared put a ton of junk and didnt end up hoarding stuff that I didnt need. I ended up taking 2 full trash bags out to the trash of garbage and at least 1 and a half bags for donations. I managed to clean my entire room including wiping down mt shelves. The hardest part was cleaning under surfaces because i was scared of spiders. I did end up seeing one and having a hard time continuing for a little bit but I have a great best friend who motivated me to keep going. Im happy I got my room cleaned it looks nice I feel refreshed and I don't have to be embarrassed when people come into my room anymore