Pineapple

Curvy mom of a toddler who’s missing a little spark in her life. I love getting lost in a good book, but I wouldn’t mind getting a little distracted by the right person, too. Not looking to blow up your life or mine just hoping for some chemistry, flirty banter, and someone who gives me a reason to smile at my phone. Maybe we start as strangers and accidentally become each other’s favourite person to talk to. Bonus points if you make me laugh, not a slow burner.

Let’s try this again because apparently having a personality and holding a conversation is becoming a lost art.

I’m looking for someone who can keep up with the banter, make me laugh, match my sarcasm, and turn a random conversation into a three-hour distraction. I love witty comebacks, playful teasing, unhinged humor, and people who know how to give the same energy they receive.

A little about me: PNW girl, wife, mama, dog mom, outdoorsy when I feel like touching grass, and a professional overthinker with a slightly chaotic sense of humor. I can be sweet, sassy, and occasionally a little feral. I also have a habit of disappearing into the void, so if I vanish, just assume life is life-ing.

I’m not looking for anything gross or a conversation that feels like pulling teeth. I want actual connection, good chemistry, laughs, random thoughts, and someone who knows how to bring a little personality to the table. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, just be interesting enough to be someone’s favorite problem.

My evening plans are pretty glamorous: putting my little girl to bed soon, getting comfy, and waiting for my edible to kick in.

So while I handle bedtime and transition into my couch potato era, leave me something good to come back to!

ASL is mandatory. No ASL, no chance. If we’re going to connect, let’s at least start with the basics.

As always *notabot pineapple

Just a lover at heart looking for someone who is patient enough to get to know me. I prefer something long term, I’ve had the privilege of experiencing something that lasted a few years so looking for something similar. And with that it comes a lot of patience and willingness to immerse yourself in the online relationship. Genuinely sassy and opinionated so if you can’t stomach a woman with a strong character then maybe you can stop reading. I like to think of myself as a lover and a fighter. So if you’re looking for someone that will keep you entertained and on your toes you’ve found me. Some disclaimers I’m a black woman with all the cushioning for loving, so again if this isn’t your usual cup of tea, it’s okay to stop drinking now. Final disclaimer you will find yourself laughing and smiling again that I know for a fact.

I have a preference for men in their 40s, who can keep a conversation, and who aren’t afraid of double texting. If this is you DM telling me a little about yourself.

I happen to love pineapple.

Back by popular demand (my own) 🫣. Anyway, I’m cute, curvy, and apparently entertaining questionable ideas (again). We all have hobbies.

I have a weakness for darker features, a full head of hair, and a man who knows what a grooming routine is. I’m not asking for a Greek god, but let’s not pretend attraction is irrelevant here.

I’m a little selective. Not difficult, just blessed with functioning eyeballs.

I like confidence, dry humor, and a man who can hold my attention without interviewing me like he’s hiring for a position.

Anyway, if you think you’d be my type, feel free to introduce yourself. I’ll try not to let the power go to my head. 😉

Pineapple 🍍

Hi everyone!! 🖤✨

A little about me and what I’m looking for…
I’m married and based in Arizona, and I’m not looking to blow up my life or yours. I’m simply looking for a genuine connection with someone I can talk to, text throughout the day, exchange voice notes with, and just enjoy getting to know. Someone who appreciates me for ME and is open to seeing where things naturally go. 💕

A little about me: I’m caring, down-to-earth, and have a huge heart. I love helping people, making others smile, and being someone people can feel comfortable around. I’m bisexual and married to a woman, so I want to be upfront about that from the beginning.

You can usually find me enjoying nature, spending time with my dog, hanging out with the girls and having a few drinks, reading, or near literally ANY body of water. 🌊 I’m 420-friendly, love a good time, and can be the life of the party just as easily as I can enjoy a cozy night in.

What am I looking for? Someone mature, genuine, respectful, and emotionally available. Someone who communicates, respects boundaries, and understands that getting to know someone takes mutual effort. I want a connection that feels easy, fun, safe, and exciting.

Someone who knows what they’re getting into and won’t disappear when things get complicated or the guilt kicks in.
I know my situation isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay! I’d rather be honest from the start and connect with someone who genuinely understands and wants the same things. ❤️
If you made it this far and think we might click, message me with your perfect date or your favorite holiday. 🎄 Bonus points if your answer is Christmas!

pineapple

just a girl hoping to find her kind of connection. 😉

Educator by day, bookworm by night, and usually lost in more than one fantasy world.

My husband travels often for work, and sometimes the loneliness creeps in. Hoping to find genuine connections, witty banter, and someone who appreciates a little sarcasm and random conversations.

Fair warning, I’m terrible at responding. Between work and my brain running multiple tabs on different browsers, I’ll reply in my head and forget to actually open the app for two business days.

Under 5’5”; green eyes; dimples; curvy; recently got back into lifting

If you’re patient, funny, and don’t take yourself too seriously, we’ll probably get along!

PINEAPPLE

Here to get your attention

I’m 35, tall, tattooed, and almost certainly overthinking something as you read this.
I sit right in the middle of the introverted/extroverted spectrum. I’m just as happy cozying up for a low-key night in as I am heading out when the mood strikes. A bit nerdy, fluent in default sarcasm, and habitually guilty of accidental flirting.

When I’m off the clock, you’ll usually find me gaming, getting lost in a good show, hunting for new music, or planning my next tattoo. I love connecting with people who have genuine passion and there’s nothing more attractive than watching someone light up when talking about what they love.

Physical chemistry matters, but a sharp mind and good personality are what actually hold my attention. If you’re witty, kind, love banter, and can keep up with a mix of sarcasm and charm, shoot me a message.

Do you like pineapple on your pizza?

When we're out on the town, I see other couples, happy couples, and I wonder what their bedroom life is like. How do they kiss? How do they please each other? How kinky are they? Do they have a passionate relationship based on trust, true love, and yes, ecstasy?

What do they look like under their clothes?

When a woman smiles at me from across the gym, I wonder: how does she kiss? How would she feel under my touch? What does she like? How does she taste?

I know, I'm evil. I don't mean to be. Or, at least, I didn't set out to be. I wanted to be the doting husband, the guy who makes his wife the center of his universe, the man who gives two-hour sensual massages, the husband who rocks her world in every facet, from romance to unfiltered passion.

Alas, many years of unrequited efforts have jaded me, I suppose, slowly turning what started as a wandering eye to a wondering mind.

I crave passion. Desire. Kink. Lust.

An open-minded, nonjudgmental partner who isn't afraid to share what she truly desires.

So I can provide it.

I love to please my partner. I get off on knowing she is experiencing all the pleasure she wants and deserves, and that I making that happen for her.

I have deep kinks, leaning heavily submissive with fantasies of cuckolding, cbt, and orgasm control. I know I'm not for everyone (but maybe I'm for you), and I want to be able to be myself with someone who likes me for me, and I want to like you for you - all of you.

So yes, I am evil. But I'm not all kink. I also crave connection.

Here are a few more things about me:

My idea of a perfect date is a seaside carnival. Playing the games, dancing to the gazebo band, stealing a kiss atop the Ferris wheel, then walking hand in hand along picket fenced old homes and imagining what stories their walls could tell. Making our way to the beach and wading in the surf until I build a fire and we share stories and whisper dreams under the stars

I like to laugh and make others laugh. I don't take myself too seriously. I like learning what makes other people happy and helping them have it.

I can hold a conversation and am seeking someone who can, too.

I'm not concerned about body type, early pics, or anything like that. I want to get to know you and am here for the long term. I would prefer if you were at least 35 or close to it, just because I think we'd have more in common.

I enjoy boating, swimming, reading, motorcycling, hiking, traveling, playing guitar and drums, having fun, and smiling.

I have time for this and am seeking someone who does, too. I know we all have priorities, and I will always respect that, but I also want to be able to have conversations.

I will never ask you to do anything you're not comfortable with.

I am looking for something long term, but I am not jealous. At all. Chatting with other guys? Cool. I even think it's hot.

I am looking forward to getting to know someone. I will remember the little things. I want to make you smile. A lot.

I hope to hear from you!

pineapple

I am looking for an online affair where we can talk and connect, flirt, fuck, and just escape. Do you like Pina coladas?

I am married 17 years and really want a spicy secret. I am most attracted to energy and confidence. My physical types are very broad. I am handsome and muscular with a little extra in the belly I can't seem to make disappear.

I want to flirt throughout the day, connect in the evenings and find ways to get to know each other. I also want this to remain about us as individuals and not about our families or our partners. I just want something for myself.

If any of this sounds like you too, then please message me and let's share a pineapple.

Keeping this brief: I’m a 6'3" corporate fit dad working in finance and living a very full life. I’m masters-educated and always running or lifting, but I also love tinkering on my dad bike. I'm confident on the outside, but once I warm up to you, I really open up, so be patient.

I like teasing and verbal sparring, and I would love a girl who can throw it right back into my face. I'm very chill, but I'm definitely not a pushover.

What I'm looking for in you is someone who also looks after themselves and lives an active lifestyle. I want someone who is sharp, witty, and a little chaotic. Someone who is fun to talk to even after the wine wears off, and who has genuine ambition in her own life. If you're cool, I'll probably get obsessed with you.

A thoughtful opener will get a reply from me. Start the message with a 💀 so I know you read the whole way through.

Chat to you soon!

Pineapple

Have you ever met someone whom with you can talk for hours, day after day, for months or more, if given the time? And those conversations, whether merely text, phone, video or when beside each other, seem to flow as naturally as ocean waves crash on beaches? If we're honest, I think most of us crave this, even if we've never had it or know it. For those of us lucky enough to have had it, it is what we hope for when wading through these strange waters of reddit. The best part is, when you find that mind & soul match, the intimacy that we all crave gets dialed up to 11. Sound familiar, or what you are searching for? Let's find out.

Relevant details of myself for the basics on attraction and compatibility:

- Married, no kids, but no stranger to them in my life and what they mean for yours (if you have them).

- 6'1, clean-cut professional with a kind of linebacker-type build, and I take care of myself without it being my whole personality

- I have a stable and fulfilling career that also lets me travel on occasion. Including to places with pineapple

- I'm an extremely curious person about the world, how things work, and definitely will nerd out to many topics

- I have the means, time and capacity to have this kind of relationship and to keep it going without blowing up either of ours.

- Making people laugh and feel wanted fills my cup. Be prepared for jokes, memes, teasing and adoration

- I like several sports (go Bears!), and it's a plus if we can share some of that, even if rivals 🙃

- Let's make a playlist/watch list/read list? I enjoy all kinds of music, TV, movies, books.

You:

Local(ish) or someone who happens to travel here preferred. I've done LDR as well and it definitely works if the stars align on where we can actually meet. In the ~32-46 years old range preferred.

Someone who's a compliment to what l listed in your mind. I'm definitely attracted to someone's mind first, without question, but of course physical attraction is important. I used to think I had a "type" but it turns out that's all over the map, at least on physical characteristics. *Some* regular effort on taking care of yourself is desirable, but I do appreciate some curves too 😉.

Hello there! I am hoping to find one girl to really connect with and enjoy some good conversation and some fun flirting with. Maybe that's you? Read on and lets find out together!

First a little about me; I have blonde hair and blue eyes, about 5'10. I stay in pretty good shape from going to the gym, both as my job and for fun. My hobbies include reading, playing video games or hiking through the mountains. I am usually too outgoing and social for my own good. I can talk to just about anyone about anything. I am an open book an will answer questions about almost anything. Like everyone else who posts here, my marriage hit a roadblock. Don't need to get into the details here, but it's all the common issues. Will gladly elaborate if you ask though.

So maybe you are in a similar spot? Are you looking for an escape from your marriage and someone to distract you? I would love to flirt and see if we get along. The goal is for this to be both about good conversation and friendship, while also being a flirty affair. I want a women who can enjoy silly banter and make me smile.

I also hope we find each other attractive and can share in that! I am typically a more visual person and would love to see you as we get comfortable. While I have no specific requirements, I do appreciate girl's who are semi-active. I tend to gravitate toward a nice booty and smaller titties.

If this sounds like a fun time and what you are looking for, I am excited to hear from you. Really wanting something longterm that I can ideally build with one person, lets make it happen! pineapple

1. I’m 35, 5’11”, runner, dad, living with a dead bedroom. There is no emotional or sexual connection. We are roommates. I think finding someone else in a similar situation is cute.

2. I am a business professional by trade. I’m more alternative style by nature, and definitely an elder emo millennial. Don’t you think it would be cute to create that story between the business guy and his online gf?

3. I’m a full encyclopedia of song lyrics and stupid jokes. Sometimes it fails. Regarding the title? … well. It’s electric. Boogie woogie woogie. ⚡️⚡️ Need someone to roll your eyes at each joke and chuckle? I’m him.

4. I love music. I would absolutely adore to tell you about a song I heard and making a playlist for us to make out to. I love punk, pop punk, and songwriter acoustic vibes.

5. I love voice memos and voice calling. You and I would have cute conversations about everything and anything. If you want someone that will listen to every word you say, I’m that guy again.

6. I love to give compliments. I have a few kinks and praise is a big one. We can keep the other ones hidden for now. If you want to feel sexy, I would adore you over and over again. Bark bark. Bark bark.

7. My opsec is shut down tight. Yours is too. No random calls from me, or times where your spouse is around.

8. Liberal - no MAGA.

9. I love tacos, making out, and anything you would be interested in. Your hobbies? Count me in.

10. Lastly, I enjoy cooking, reading, running, and learning something new. Let’s create a book club or listen to the same podcast. Some cute shit like that.

pineapple

If you’re bringing low effort, save us both the time.

I’m looking for the woman who can keep up. The one with sharp wit, dangerous banter, and enough confidence to give as good as she gets. Flirting should feel like a competitive sport. If I can’t tell whether you’re trying to make me laugh, blush, or question my life choices, we’re off to a great start.

I have high standards because I know exactly what I bring to the table. I’m funny as hell, ruthlessly sarcastic, fiercely loyal, and capable of making someone feel like the most important person in the room. I talk shit like it’s my job, but the people I care about never have to wonder where they stand with me.

I’m a married dad of two. Bearded. Blue-eyed. Gym addict. The shoulders are legit. The dadbod still exists because I love food almost as much as I love lifting heavy things. The gym is my therapy, cooking is my creative outlet, and my music taste changes with my mood.

I’m not afraid of catching feelings. Not afraid of pineapple on pizza. Not afraid of a selfie swap. Not afraid of losing hours talking until neither of us notices what time it is. And if the connection is right, I’m not afraid of seeing where it goes in the real world.

As for what I’m looking for? Effort.

I don’t care if you’re covered in tattoos or wear sweatpants every day. I don’t care if you’re a gym rat, a bookworm, or a little bit of both. What gets my attention is someone who shows up, matches energy, and means what she says.

Give me a song that is on repeat for you, or tell me something most men completely misunderstand about you.

(I know, it‘s a cheap move but the clickbait-y title is an attempt to give me a leg up over my peers. On with the post!)

Occasionally you come across a person who’s so in your lane it feels like you’ve known each for years. The digital divide is crossed in a single step and you’re unsure how you got there so quickly. A meeting of minds but you teleported to the meeting. That’s what I’m searching for again.

It’s been a minute since I’ve put my hand up around here. I’m not even sure if I’m ready for something longterm, but I do know the shape of what I’m chasing. Something alive and dynamic, soft and warm, irreverent and absurd, quiet and curious. I’d like to think I can offer those things too.

Attraction is important to me and I‘m good looking in real life. If you are too, reach out with more than just “hi 👋🏼 lol”, unless of course you’re doing it ironically… if you manage to do that I’ll be impressed.

Married and really into pineapple for some reason.

Give me the woman who's husband DOESN'T suck - the Chilli who has a Bandit, but doesn't mind getting some of Pat.

Because I'm honestly tired of all these posts where the woman looking for an AP is in a dead end marriage, doesn't get along with her husband, doesn't really know have a roadmap out, etc.

Cuz, 1, just leave. You'll be happier. Pineapple

But 2 - I get along best with women who are like me: they LIKE their spouse, but just need or want that little bit of extra attention on the side that they don't get at home. Or maybe you have that little bit of extra freedom to wander. Or whatever it may be.

That's what I like, because that's what I have.

About me: 34, white, blonde, bearded, fluffy dad bod, parent, tattoos, glasses. Nerd, like doing things with my hands, white collar but hate it, well educated and read, left wing, feminist, been to therapy, all the good stuff.

I tend to like women who are on the alternative spectrum, don't really go for the skinniest of skinny, and like a woman at the top of her craft.

I’m the kind of guy who stays calm when things get chaotic, listens more than I talk (at first), and has the patience to deal with long lines, bad traffic, and your occasional overthinking spiral.

I’ve done well for myself, but I don’t walk around like I’m giving a TED Talk. Life’s too short not to laugh at yourself, and I definitely do.

I stay active (walks, sports, being outdoors) but I also fully believe food is one of life’s greatest joys. So yeah, I land somewhere in that “fit-ish with a hint of dad bod” zone. Balance.

My humor? Think playful, a little sarcastic, sometimes ridiculous. If you can dish it back, we’ll get along very well.

I don’t drink or smoke but I still know how to have a good time and won’t judge your vibe as long as it’s healthy.

Looking for someone who’s kind, emotionally aware, can laugh easily, and wants something real (but not overly serious all the time). If that sounds like your type, say hi 🙂

pineapple

Mine usually starts with something completely pointless.

Like whether you read the menu before you get to the restaurant.

Or why hotel pillows are either incredible or a crime against your neck.

Or the fact that every Costco trip somehow ends with things you absolutely did not go there to buy.

Those are my favourite pineapple conversations. The ones that start with nothing and somehow end an hour later because someone said, "Wait... that reminds me."

I'm 36, married, and in western Canada. Life's good, and I'm not looking to make it complicated. I just enjoy having someone who's easy to talk to. I'm not expecting constant messages—we've both got lives—but I do appreciate consistency. If we're getting to know each other, I won't disappear for days, and I appreciate someone who feels the same.

I like people who laugh easily, notice little things, and aren't afraid to wander off on a conversational tangent.

So instead of the usual introductions...

What's something completely ordinary that you have an oddly strong opinion about?

I'm willing to bet I'll ask at least one follow-up question.

Hey! Thanks for checking this out. I’m a 33 y/o, 6’2”, brown hair & blue eyes, man looking for the right AP to build a long term connection with. Whether this is your first time here, or you’re a seasoned pro on these forums, I’d love to meet you.

If you’re looking for someone who can carry a meaningful conversation, doesn’t take himself too seriously, has a successful professional life (and has to stay discreet), and wants to truly know you, I’m your guy.

I love music and travel, so hit me up with your favorite artist to start.

I prefer to swap pics somewhat early to make sure the attraction is there for both of us. I’m not really picky about age, but would love to explore an age gap connection with someone younger than me. I take care of myself, and hope it’s not shallow to say I’m looking for the same. Bonus points if you’re from the Midwest US, but I’m down to chat with anyone — even international. pineapple

The next 2+ months always feels like two weeks. Here we go!

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. Becomes a blur more and more as I get older.

Keep looking for those frustrated, it’s a numbers game, when it hits it hits. But pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza.

Here’s all about me and what I’m about. Naturally when you get your balls snipped it’s time to search for an AP. Duh.

Who- 38 year old dad of two daughters (both under age 3) who recently bought a new house, quit his shitty job and has no idea what to do next professionally. 10+ years as a bank manager but finally couldn’t let it suck my soul out any longer. In a dead relationship but won’t leave for various reasons, don’t come here to spouse bash but I also like to be transparent and talk about my life openly in order for this to be a “good” thing. It takes transparency in my eyes.

Physically who am I? 6 foot, 220 lbs. blue eyes, red hair. Shaved beard. Not afraid to show off when there’s a spicy vibe (yes that’s important to me, but can’t be forced.) I’d say slight dad bod look overall but not too bad.

What- open minded, no pressure, daily flirty and also trust-filled banter. Don’t want anyone too shy to go any place with the chats, I hate forcing convo. I want a pocket girlfriend who might align with my life as a parent so you can respect that sometimes life just is in the way and I can’t respond too quickly. Been looking on and off here since 2022 and the ones that feel the best are the ones where there’s a healthy obsession from both parties. Emphasis on healthy. I have two kids and a hovering wife please keep it in perspective.

Where- online only. Telegram only (let’s get off reddit as soon as possible?). I would love in person but I’m a realist and that is not possible right now. finances and location are always shared.

When- Looking for someone who is ok with mornings and daytimes with occasional checks at evening/nights. Dinner and bedtime is a 2 hour production these days here and soon after I go to bed myself (around 9:30pm EST)

Why- I miss the rush of being wanted. I miss someone who can jump from “mundane” convo to revealing the dirtiest, most naughty secrets they can’t even tell their spouse. I’m a unique person, a confident man, and when there’s a vibe I might surprise you with certain things I don’t tell many people.

At home there’s a lot of animosity, no communication and very much a dead bedroom. I’m not naive and I know I contribute to some of this and hold my hands up. No one’s 100% innocent in these situations. I just know finding a good match here feels really fucking good… IYKYK.

Well now it’s up to you. Again, if you’re not into telegram or can’t, I’m sorry but that’s all my OPSEC can allow and I won’t budge on that one! Hopefully I get a message or two! Enjoy your week everyone.

Anyone else just exhausted?

Between pretending that there isn’t something fundamental missing in our lives, bills, to do lists, and all of the adulting that there is to be done… and then we come here.

Sure, at first there’s the thrill of connecting with someone. The electricity of the banter, the tension, the affirmation that we are so desperately missing in our waking lives. And then… it becomes less and less satisfying. Conversations become wrote. The chemistry dies or settles down… someone ghosts. Rinse, lather, repeat.

I don’t want that anymore. I am looking for a passionate love affair. I want to lose myself in another. To find not just vapid validation but to find home. I am looking for my needle in this haystack of deviants. Please be her.

About me- smart, silly, sensual. I enjoy deep conversation peppered with ample nonsense. I default to gregarious and loud— but it’s a defense mechanism. I am 5’10, broad shouldered, white, hairy, robust. Think the bastard son of a teddy bear and one of the Kelce boys. Which means I’m most likely a not a pineapple… but who knows?

About you- smart, sassy, and also looking for the seemingly impossible unicorn, needle, person.

​

I've been on and off here for a bit, had some great connections and some crazy ones...like the one whos kink was letting dogs fuck her...or a cop who sent tit pics on duty in uniform. Maybe I attract the crazies, was told that. I'm in the Midwest, Chicago. We don't put pineapple on pizza! Have the accent to prove it! I am in shape from running, I don't drink or do drugs so its kind of my only out. I suppose I can include this? I have all my hair and teeth...great hair...heard its all bald dudes with beards here so ill give you another option. No facial hair or tattoos either! I try to put some effort in my ads but lately this \*notabot thing has been a huge pain. I'm into running, can still skateboard at my age, birds...yes birds and being outside as much as possible. Have been visiting National Parks the last 2 years and looking forward to more of that. I listen to punk and metal mostly but my fav album is neither. Send some tunes! If we have talked in the past feel free to reach out again. If we haven't, feel free also!

Hey there, I'm a lonely married father who is looking for someone to chat with. We can chat about anything and everything, I just ask that you can help carry the conversation.

I've been married for over 20 years and the closeness and intimacy are gone. I have one child and a couple of pets.

I'm into gaming, binge watching shows, baking, being outdoors, diy projects. I'm a bigger guy.

Fair warning I have been drinking tonight.

Pineapple